if somebody makes you happy stay close if somebody make you happy increase frequency time together fun together adventures together don't make life so busy that you're not hanging out with the people who make you happy we're all after depth in connection not just acquaintance the intimacy of a friendship the intimacy of love the intimacy where I know something about this person and they know something about me it's not not just generic you are getting what you are putting out as well and that really matters in our peer groups that really matters in our [Music] Network
what are the standards that you can help establish into a peer group whether it's your team or a specific Community or even your overall audience or at the base level of your friends and your family what does it really look like when you have this abundant giving EXP expanding peer group and how do you go about it the first thing I want you to think about is I I want you as you hear me describe this I want you to ask do you currently get that from your Social Circles do you currently get that do
you receive that and then my second question is do you put that in do you amplify that do you give that are you creating that okay so that's what we're going to talk about today like do you receive it and do you give it when you have a live up peer group your Social Circle the people around you I'm just going to start very generic and we're more specific but I think this is so key are you becoming happier because the people who you are in relationship with are you becoming happier because the relationships you're
in is are your friends making you happier are your co-workers making you feel happier or they always stressing you out are the people in your community who you live nearby helping you expand your happiness or are they completely disconnected you don't even talk to them you don't even know who they are I really want the I'm going to start really broad because happiness is something we're all after and it's so generic for people but that it's just it's an intuitive feeling and could you also do me a favor today could you score this in a
generality meaning is your group your community your friends on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd love for you to think about your immediate Social Circle I mean let's call it you know the 20 most important and close people to you in your life I know 20 sounds like a lot but maybe some of you have eight of those people are literally your siblings and your parents so I got to expand it a little bit so let's just go out the 20 people who are closest in importance or proximity to how you really live your
life on scale of 1 to 10 is your peer group making you happier so simple is it one not at all Brandon or 10 yes they're really enriching and and making me happier and happing me helping me live a happier life I know this is generic don't worry now could you also identify who are the single two most most likely in your current peer group to make you feel happy who's the two most is it your mom and your grandma is it your sister and your friend at work is it your high school buddy is
it your college friend is it that Creator you also work with is it your videographer is it your neighbor who are the two the two okay now put a little note next to them put a little mo little note next to them just write in this phrase next to their name write their name down maybe you're in journaling here in grow write their name down and as you write their name down just write more interaction if somebody makes you happy stay close if somebody make you happy increase frequency time together fun together adventures together I
know this one sounds very basic but I also want to share my story on this one is like I have a group of friends who are so unbelievable able like uh and these These are particularly my college friends I have the best time of my life when I'm with them I don't hang out with them enough I block the time I try to make the calls or try to do but if I look at it honestly I can go not enough not enough time can you all be honest is there anyone not enough time or
there just like gosh we could do more we could be more present we could be more adventurous and I think that's important and one of the reasons I think it's important is because you're just one person I know when you talk with these networking people they're always like be out talk with 50 people maintain a 100 relationships all I'm like no no no we're going to get into the mass conversation of networking later right now I think we got an issue the people you already like you don't talk with enough can I get an amen
on a weekday the people you already like you don't talk with enough and as I shared earlier the people you already like you might not even know what their needs are what they're doing who they want to meet who's most important in their lives so you don't even ask about those things so even the people you like sometimes you're so superficial with them that's why you still feel alone like I don't understand brenen I have friends but I feel alone I'm like yes you might not have depth with your friends you might have superficiality and
fun with your friends but if there's no depth there depth in how you know in depth and how they know you the connection doesn't feel the same does make sense we're all after depth in connection not just acquaintance you want the depth the intimacy of a friendship the intimacy of love the intimacy where I know something about this person and they know something about me that's not just generic so I'm encouraging you this is such an unexplored part of people's lives uh you know I've coached people every week of my life since uh well paid
as as an actual career since 2006 and prior to that probably since 2002 or three I've been in the coaching industry and so I work with a lot of people and this is one-on-one coaching right I've worked with a lot of people and I can share with you so few of them so few of them ever even thought the way I've already spoken to you today so so few of them ever did any of this work before and when I introduce it to them and they just try that one thing I'm like hey sounds like
you really love hanging out with this person and this person um why don't you hop in your calendar right now and schedule an extra lunch with them this month and then next I talked to him I I had that lunch you told me that the best time I don't know why I don't know why I don't do that more often the only reason is no one told you to do it you didn't put in the calendar you got caught up in life and then you forgot the person even though you had a great relationship with
them don't make life so busy that you're not hanging out with the people who make you happy let me say it again don't make life so busy that you're not even hanging out with the people who make you happy it's a gift from God that you got to meet that person and they make you happy when it's effortless when it's fun when there's just Joy or enrichment there and it just it just is like she's just your friend and it's just like awesome call her more she probably feels lonely too somewhere and I know this
is so basic but if you can't win one good friend I can't get you to have a leveled up peer group lots of people want a great peer group I'm like but you don't even cultivate the friendships you already have and I don't want you to go create relationships with a bunch of random people to get some external result of networking I want you to have an awesome life of real people you talk with I'm trying to encourage you here to get around the people who make you happy also just as a very simple aside
as a coach I ask people all the time I'm like um tell me what are you trying to do to make your wife happier what are you trying to do to make your son happier what are you trying to do to make your partner happier what are you trying to do to make your co-workers happier like what are you trying to do like actively strategically intentionally I think about my wife as an example she's one of the most thoughtful people she she thinks about people she's one of those people who's really good at like a
birthday she remembers the cards she's somebody who's really good about like hey Brennon don't forget to reach out this person like oh yeah that's going on yeah she's really good at that and I think about all it took is what are you trying to do well I'm trying to make somebody happy I'm trying to make them seen seen or or heard or recognized and I just want you to to really consider this don't get so busy that you're not getting to have some time with the people who make you happy and you're not asking the
question of how you could make the people around you happier I think it's so basic right I told you this one's basic but I know that some of the sounds common sense but it's not common practice and that's why so many people run their lives as superficial relationship levels I've got people all around the world who would drop everything for me because they know I would drop everything for them now that's a level of peer group right everything I mean I could be in a in another country and struggling with something and I could make
40 phone calls and solve that because I've done that for other people and I really want you to get this this is really important you are getting what you are putting out as well and that really matters in our peer groups that really matters in our Network a lot of people just want to be taken care of by a community and I think that's one level of belonging it's one level of being seen and accepted and loved I also think though if you only stay at that level it's called selfishness I think we have to
serve into our Relationships by asking what's something I could do to make her happy today you know it's something I could do very simple thing could show up with some flowers I could show up with a card I could send them this resource I can send him this book I have one friend he's always sending me books he knows I love books he's just always sending me books he's stopped even putting a note on it I just know it comes from him and it's these obscure weird old books that he knows I like and and
I'm like I just get one random one all the time he just knows it makes me happy no reason never he emails me to send me never calls or texts the book just shows up randomly once in a while he knows it makes me happy he just thinks huh just makes happy but BR just does it how cool is that I want to have tons of people who do stuff like that with you for you because you do it I know some you go Brandon I'm always the one giving and serving and they're not I'm
like okay that might mean that those people get less time attention from you that might be a conversation you need to have with them that it's like hey I I don't I feel this is like lopsided I I want to be in relationship with you but I feel like I'm giving so much and I feel like you don't even think about me so we need to calibrate that and be honest about that or I just have to choose spend less time because I feel like drained I want to feel both of us filled up let's
talk about it you got have the guts to do you got to have the guts to do that and here's the thing it's not even guts it's basic decency and respect to tell a person when they're not meeting your expectation everyone goes oh that sounds so assertive I'm like no that's that's being respectful to the relationship it's it's not respectful to not tell people what you need it's not respectful to hold back to lie to plate to be passive aggressive that's not respectful respectful is truth respectful is going I feel really draining our relationship I
feel like you blame me for everything and I'm noticing that when I walk away from our interactions I don't feel good and I want us to love our relationship I want us to love our friendship I want us to feel like we're awesome at work I want us to feel whatever it is and so let's have a conversation about that and if you can't see eye to eye less frequency or interaction with the person that's totally fine but at least you gave it a shot to go to a level of depth versus flying superficial and
fake and if you fly superficial and fake in any relationships in your life guess what happens as you expand your network that fakeness expands and now you got fake relationships multiplied it makes you feel even more alone and worse so that old conversation of win at home and win with your friends first is true and I want you to think about the people in your life do they make you happy are you making them happy have you had the conversations for those who are here in grow they obviously I encourage you if you're ever struggling
with a relationship like with your partner your marriage make sure you go into grow day go to the search bar and just type in relationships we have a relationships master class we have multiple relationship master classes that will really teach you how to have those difficult conversations with your spouse or your partner but also how to flourish in those relationships [Music]
