My Girlfriend Won’t Stop Comparing Herself to an Old FWB of Mine... | Reddit Updates

my girlfriend won't stop comparing herself to an old friend's with benefits of mine and now it feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy that I'll leave her because she thinks she's not good enough posted by _ throwaway 21 my girlfriend Melissa 26f and I 26m have been dating for a little less than 2 years it's been an amazing relationship admittedly my only one but I'm really happy with her we are both in PHD programs at the same University where we met but in different stem Fields we've been considering moving in together getting pets and overall I'd say

our relationship is pretty serious she has even mentioned getting married before I can definitely see a future with her but it's still a bit early for me right now I'd like to focus on my research and securing a future that can support both of us she took that kind of harshly but I just wasn't ready to commit to something like that yet that was the only bump we've had until Natalya entered the picture again some background info Natalya and I went to the same college for undergrad she studies the same branch of biology that my

current girlfriend studies and is a year younger than I am we were in in the same science related clubs and a professional fraternity together and quickly became very close friends as Natalya and I had extremely similar personalities and interests we spent weekends together and were each other's dates to all formal events but we never dated even though we both liked each other and slept together we were just too scared to ask the other what they wanted it sounds silly and immature but that's just what happened we were essentially friends with benefits for 2 years but

we always knew that we had very different plans for the immediate future I was graduating before her and she was going to move to another country to work and do research before before coming back to the States for her PhD it was kind of an unspoken recognition that when I graduated we were going to go our separate ways but we always joked that maybe we would run into each other again since we had the same dream school for grad school we tried to remain in contact when I left but it was just too hard on

both of us we missed each other but we busy with our own lives and eventually we stopped talking no hard feelings it happens we moved on that was almost 5 years ago before Melissa I used to wonder if Natalia and I could have made it together but now that I have a girlfriend that has hasn't popped into my head at all I am happy now or at least I was last year Natalia was accepted into the PHD program at my University it's the same dream school we talked about years ago I didn't know this until

a little over half a year ago one day my girlfriend came over because she was really upset I will spare most of the details but basically a professor in her Department had told her that he had room for one more grad student to join him on one of his research trips to South America the following summer my girlfriend really thought he was going to pick her because they had a pretty good relationship but he had met with her and told her that there was a new grad student who already had experience with this particular species

worked with the South American University he was collaborating with and spoke Spanish she was denied the position and I tried to explain to her that some people just have different expertise over the next month she would tell me more and more about this new grad student how everyone who met her practically fell in love with her or found her extremely interesting how she was super cool how people fawned over her Etc it made my girlfriend extremely sad because she has always had issues with insecurity and feeling like she has to try extra hard for people

to think she's worth anything I tried to tell my girlfriend that she is great at what she does and to stop comparing herself to other people because it just makes her upset but she said no op you haven't seen her yet she's extremely smart she's been all over the world she's a literal 10 Natalya is utter Perfection I kind of froze at that moment because somehow I immediately knew this was my friend I kept trying to tell my girlfriend all the ways I admired her but I realized it wasn't helping so all I would do

was listen to her and be someone she could vent too I admit I was curious but I didn't want to complicate things for Melissa so I didn't try to contact Natalia or find out if it was even her a few weeks later however I ran into her at a cafe on campus it was really great to see her again we sat together for about an hour and a half just catching up with one another I told her about my research and she told me about hers she had accomplished so much for herself in the few

years since I had seen her last and I was so happy for her I told her I had a girlfriend who was in the same Department as she was and she asked if we could all hang out sometime since she was still new to the town Natalia seemed really excited and not at all disappointed we exchanged numbers and parted ways it felt evident to me that we had moved on whatever romantic feelings we had for each other were purely platonic now we were both doing very well and genuinely happy that night I told my girlfriend

that I ran into Natalia and she was actually a really good friend of mine from college I knew my girlfriend felt really insecure at work and in the lab and I did not want her to feel threatened within our relationship I suggested we all have lunch sometime so she could meet her because I actually thought they could get along my girlfriend was kind of taken aback and immediately started asking me if I ever liked Natalya if she was my ex and if we dated I said no we never dated we were only friends but I

did like her a lot I reminded her that this was 4 years ago and that I have not thought about her at all since I started dating her my girlfriend left the house for the night because she said she was really stressed and didn't want to think about it right now I felt like I had done something wrong and decided I wouldn't mention Natalia again ever since that night my girlfriend would ask me really strange questions like if I thought she was smart enough of course I think she's smart the university we are at is

one of the best in the nation she then said well you and Natalia went to xyv league university for undergrad and I went to XY State University so she's clearly beat me both times I was appalled and told her there is no competition I am with you it doesn't matter where you went to undergrad look at where you are now she just wouldn't stop talking about how much more experience Natalia has and how much better her resume probably looks she would ask me this multiple times and it really upsets me to see how much she

works herself up over these things what's worse is when she compares her looks to Natalia's lately Melissa will not stop complaining about how pale she is how easily she sunburns how short her hair is how Nothing fits her well she says I wonder how Natalya stays so skinny I wish I was mixed like Natalia Natalia is so exotic looking I always tell her how beautiful she looks and how attractive I find her Melissa is beautiful I love everything about her even though she doesn't I would never say this to Melissa it's even difficult to write

even though Melissa has said it to me but Natalia is definitely a more conventionally attractive woman in terms of arbitrary societal beauty standards but that doesn't matter to me I don't love my girlfriend just because of her looks but it's so difficult to convince someone that you find them attractive when they want to jump out of their own skin I have caught Melissa stalking Natalia's Facebook profile Instagram and lab page it's ridiculous I can't understand why she does it when it gets her so upset Melissa isn't fat at all but lately she has been rejecting

me when I try to initiate bedroom intimacy because she feels fat or not attractive enough and I think this is due to the ffor mentioned insecurities I try to talk her through them but it always ends with the same conclusion and she says I'm sorry I'm not good enough I only talk to Natalya in the cafe we have lunch together maybe twice a week but we never plan it I have always eaten lunch at the same time in the same place and Natalya will come in every few days when she does we sit together for

about an hour and talk occasionally she will text me before lunch asking if I'm there or planning on going there and that's the only time we text or talk outside of the cafe I feel like this is an appropriate amount of communication for two friends I feel bad for never being able to hang out with her but I know it would upset Melissa there have been a few times when Melissa has joined me in the cafe and Natalya has sat with us honestly Melissa is straight up rude to her at first I think she tried

to be nice but just got too upset she either remains silent or responds with really short cold answers it makes me really sad because I know Melissa is struggling with insecurities but Natalya is a really good friend of mine who has only been nice to me she has invited me and Melissa out numerous times and each time Melissa declines I once told her I was going to attend a comedy show with Natalya it was a comedian I once took Natalya to see in college and Melissa broke down so I decided I would never go anywhere

with Natalia unless Melissa was there too some of you might say why don't you just stop talking to Natalia is she more important than your relationship with Melissa I don't really know what to do I see Natalya for 2 hours a week and we don't hang out or even talk outside of that I have given Melissa no reason to think I am cheating or being unfaithful Natalia has only ever been a good friend to me and I shouldn't have to cut her out of my life when she already plays such a little role it feels

kind of unfair to me because honestly sometimes I wish I could see Natalya more because she's is a really wonderful interesting person but Melissa is definitely a priority in my life so I have kept our friendship very casual and minimal I think there is a bigger problem in that Melissa is not the same person I entered a relationship with she's sad always stressed and much more cranky and snappy with me her insecurities make her shy away and Retreat into herself so it feels like I can never reach her anymore she has been denying me bedroom

intimacy and complaining about how she isn't good enough for me and it has honestly been pushing me away from her I find that I no longer want to deal with her insecurities and constantly validating that I love her I have suggested therapy before because I think the real problem is not Natalya but Melissa's underlying insecurities this is not normal and it causes her so much unnecessary stress Melissa always says okay I will think about it and when I bring it up again she gets really defensive asking me why I think something is wrong with her

I don't I just think a professional would be able to help her work through her own thoughts better so that she can accept herself more because clearly what I am saying to her doesn't get through it's hard to see her so unhappy edit because someone asked I should have clarified that I also told Melissa that Natalia and I had slept with each other in college I didn't hide that from her I can see why that would upset her but I really tried to stress how long ago it was and how happy I am with Melissa

now the past does not affect anything about how I feel now update 3 weeks later all right so I posted here a few weeks ago concerning my girlfriend Melissa and my ex-friends with benefits from college Natalia the gist of the story was that Melissa kept comparing herself to Natalya who is a grad student in her field of biology and someone she feels is basically the epitome of perfection it got to the point where Melissa would spend hours staring at pictures of Natalya and every time I tried to be intimate with her she would shut me

down saying she wasn't good enough I got a lot of criticism in the last post because Natalia and I ate lunch together a few times a week but as many commenters suggested I now eat at a different place and no longer see Natalia I think Natalya took the hint and we haven't spoken since I posted that anyway I'm posting now because I feel Melissa's obsession with Natalya hasn't gotten any better and she did something that I'm not sure I can forgive when I graduated from college my mom made me a photo alum of pictures of

me and my friends doing all the typical things college students do it means a lot to me because I rarely see my old friends and unfortunately one of them passed away these photos are Cherished Memories for me yesterday afternoon I received a Facebook message from my late friend Dan's mother she asked if I had any pictures of Dan from our fraternity events we were in the same professional fraternity I told her I did and that I would scan and send them to her when I looked through my album I was shocked to find that a

few pictures in which Natalya appeared had been cut some were just of me and her While others were group photos after flipping through a few more pages I found one that broke my heart it was a picture of Natalya Dan and a few other friends during one of our fraternity formals I kept searching through the album and found that about 12 pictures had been cut three of which included Dan it felt like I had swallowed a pound of rocks and I was honestly just so angry I knew it had to be Melissa because I would

never have done this I sent the uncut pictures to Dan's mom and texted Melissa asking if she was still on campus so we could meet when I saw her I asked why she had cut my photos she played dumb saying what are you talking about but her expression gave her away I was Furious I told her it was extremely disrespectful and that she had no right to destroy them I explained that some of the pictures she had cut were of my late friend and now those memories were ruined she immediately started crying and apologizing saying

she didn't know what came over her she even said she still had the pictures of Natalia and could put them back together I felt like I was going to explode so I just excused myself and left Melissa has been blowing up my phone but I haven't read any of the messages or listened to the voicemails I feel so drained I know I got a lot of criticism on my last post and some of you may think I had this coming I can't convince you of how hard I've tried to make Melissa feel like she's the

only girl I want to be with no matter how many times she's asked if she's pretty if I find her attractive or if I think she's smart I always tell her how amazing she is but it's never enough maybe I should never have spoken to Natalya when I found out she was attending the same University as me but I don't think that gives my girlfriend the right to destroy my property the album has literally sat on my shelf for years it's not like I look at it every day or fawn over my ex I've never

even shown it to Melissa so she must have been snooping through my belongings honestly I wouldn't even care about that if she hadn't destroyed pictures of my dead friend out of petty jealousy I just feel exhausted I feel like I'll never make Melissa happy I could have done things differently sure but I feel like she never tried to work on her insecurities or build confidence in herself either second update 10 months later dang I can't believe I remember the password to this account but here we are this time it's not really about me but I

thought it would be most appropriate to post on my account since it's related to my ex-girlfriend Melissa whom I've posted about twice before feel free to look through the history my ex Melissa was very jealous of my old friends with benefiter colleague Natalia her Obsession was extremely unhealthy and she did something to me that I considered unforgivable which led to our breakup that was 8 to 9 months ago and since then Natalia and I have rekindled our friendship she knows why Melissa and I broke up and felt very guilty but she was always a good

friend to me and I like having her in my life I know I'll get a lot of flack for this and that people will say they saw it coming but whatever I'm not asking for judgment what's done is done and I thought we had all moved on last month Natalia a few friends and I were out playing Billiards as I was giving Natalya and her roommate a ride home her roommate said an did you tell him about the thing Natalya responded no and her roommate pressed her but she stayed firm I texted Natalia later to

see what was going on but she assured me it was nothing this past week her roommate called me and asked if we could meet up she sat me down and said she thinks my ex-girlfriend dist stalking Natalia I was taken aback but not completely shocked by this accusation given Melissa's past she told me it started with obvious fake Facebook profile sending friend requests and vile haate messages then Natalya began receiving calls from random numbers claiming to be following up on Craigslist escort ads with her name picture and number her roommate knew about the picture situation

and immediately suspected Melissa that was a few months ago last month Natalya and some friends were returning from the movies when a guy in Melissa's grad school cohort noticed a car parked along Natalia's Street and said hey what's Melissa doing here this freaked Natalya out because she had seen that car parked there several nights a week for the past 3 months this was the thing she didn't want to mention to me this week her growth chamber was contaminated apparently someone let disease carrying aphids into a few sections of the greenhouse ruining a few of the

grad students crop slpl experiments I'm not a biologist so I don't know the details it was a big deal for the grad students who now need to restart their experiments including Natalia however her principal investigator thought it was likely an undergrad who forgot that you're not supposed to enter the greenhouse after being in the aphid room her roommate who is in the same Department as Melissa and Natalya suspects Foul Play on Melissa's part apparently Melissa has been badmouthing Natalya ever since we broke up obviously that's a very strong accusation with no concrete proof so her

roommate hasn't reported it to Administration still it's really scary to think Melissa might go to such lengths to hurt someone else it sounds to me like Natalia is being stalked but she doesn't want me to know I brought it up with Natalia yesterday and she confirmed what her roommate said said she dismissed the greenhouse incident saying she doesn't want to believe someone has it out for her she also thought it was unlikely because the risk would be so high if it were done on purpose and the person were caught they'd be expelled from the program

without hesitation she admitted to feeling like she's being followed and mentioned that she'll sometimes be at a grocery store or Cafe and thinks she sees Melissa she chocked it up to paranoia and believes her roommate is putting ideas in her head but she said these feelings have become more frequent since we started hanging out again I asked if she spoken to Melissa or wanted me to say something but she was ad of that I shouldn't I feel like this is all my fault and I keep screwing up if I had left Natalia alone after breaking

up with Melissa this wouldn't be happening to her I haven't spoken to Melissa since the breakup only to return the items she left at my house and I don't think talking to her now would help I wouldn't doubt that Melissa is capable of stalking or sabotaging Natalia's work given her history but I haven't seen any of it firsthand is there something I can do before this gets worse in my last few posts many people said I handled things poorly and I want to make sure I do something right for once should I stay out of

it should I investigate please give me advice not judgment I'm really worried about my friend commenter you do nothing Natalia needs to start keeping a very detailed Ledger of every incident where she suspects Melissa is harassing her she needs to report to campus police that she has a stalker to create a paper trail Ops response both she and her roommate are doing this just in case her roommate feels 100% sure that the greenhouse incident was Melissa doing but Natalia is waiting for more proof