welcome to Lost relation Chronicles I discovered my soon to be ex-wife's Affair about 7 months ago I went through all the heartache the denial the pain for a long time I was drowning in depression barely functioning I never confronted her but I was a total mess and she must have known that I knew she just didn't care or at least that's what I assumed but about 2 or 3 months ago I hit my breaking point I was done done with the pain done with her done with our marriage I just didn't care anymore I completely
checked out from that point on I avoided her as much as possible I made sure I wasn't home when she was and even when I was I barely spoke to her when she asked me a question my answers were short and cold yes no maybe I don't know I stopped pretending I even left the divorce lawyers bills out in the open making no effort to hide them she had to know what was coming even the kids noticed they came to me eyes wide with worry and I had to sit them down we both love you
I told them gently it's not your fault so sometimes grown-ups just can't be together anymore she was in the room when I said it she heard every word but she didn't say a thing no argument no objection just silence I took that as her consent then a few days ago something unexpected happened I ran into someone I hadn't seen in years Sally we used to go to school together back before I ever met my wife there was always this tension between us this unspoken chemistry we'd flirt find excuses to touch but I was too young
too shy too stupid to act on it before I could find the guts to do anything her family moved away and I was left with nothing but regret but now here she was standing right in front of me the moment we started talking it was like No Time had passed the conversation flowed effortlessly as if we'd been waiting years for this moment she smiled at me tilting her head slightly so are you seeing anyone I hesitated before answering it's complicated her smile faded just a little complicated how I took a breath deciding to be honest
I'm married but not really we're done I just haven't finalized everything yet Sally studied me for a moment then nodded I appreciate you telling me so what happens now I want to be officially separated before I start dating anyone I said firmly I'm not going to cheat her smile returned warmer this time I respect that she reached into her bag pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something down here's my number call me when you're done with what you have to do I took the paper from her my fingers brushing hers for just a
second she gave me a teasing GR I never got married you know really I asked surprised she nodded never found the right guy I guess then she leaned and just slightly her voice soft I'm really excited to get to know you again I was even more excited than I expected running into Sally had given me a Clarity I hadn't felt in months it was the final push I needed to officially confront my wife and get the separation and divorce process moving for the first time in a long while I felt genuinely happy when I got
home that night I sat down in the living room waiting for for her to arrive I must have looked like a lunatic grinning to myself but I didn't care this was it the end of one chapter and the beginning of another when she walked in I gestured to the chair across from me can you sit down we need to talk she looked at me weily but sat down what is it I took a deep breath I've known about your Affair for a long time I said watching her face closely she flinched but I kept going
I assumed you knew I knew I mean how could you not I completely checked out of our relationship for the past 3 months you didn't seem to care and honestly I don't care anymore either her hands tightened into fists on her lap and I could see her bracing herself I want to start dating again I continued my voice steady I want to move on with my life and considering everything that's happened I think it's time for us to get divorced don't you agree I expected indifference maybe even relief but what I got instead shook me
she broke down not just crying this was something else entirely A desperate Soul breaking noise tore from her something raw and guttural like she was being torn apart from the inside I had never heard anything like it she started blabbering through her sobs please James please it didn't mean anything it was a mistake a stupid mistake we can fix this we can go to counseling we can I stared at her in shock are you serious right now she clutched at my arm her grip tight yes I love you I don't want to lose our family
I don't want to lose you I pulled my arm away shaking my head then why if you didn't mean anything if if you didn't want to lose me why did you go with him in the first place she must have known this would destroy us she can't possibly be that stupid can she I stared at her watching as she dissolved into a sobbing incoherent mess but I felt nothing just a dull Hollow exhaustion if you really believed we needed to fix our marriage the time to do that would have been 7 months ago I told
her my voice calm almost detached before you had the affair now it's too late it's broken Beyond repair she shook her head violently tears streaming down on her face no James please we can fix this I I wasn't thinking I was lost but I love you I swear I cut her off I didn't think we had any problems I said flatly you never talked to me and I'm not a mind reader so whatever it was I had no way of fixing it but you obviously thought something was wrong wrong enough that you went and found
someone else she flinched like I'd slapped her so tell me I continued leaning forward my eyes locked onto hers what was it what was missing what was so wrong that you couldn't come to me that you had to go behind my back instead she opened her mouth but nothing came out except strangled sobs I shook my head whatever it was it had to be bad right so bad that it couldn't be solved by just talking to me so bad that it was worth destroying our family over I let the words sink in before I added
because that's what you did you made the choice you decided that whatever was wrong was worth risking everything she buried her face in her hands I wasn't thinking she choked out I was stupid I was selfish yeah I agree readed my tone cold you were her head snapped up eyes wide and desperate but I never stopped loving you I swear James I never stopped I laughed but there was no humor in it don't say that you don't get to say that love doesn't do this someone who cares even a little wouldn't put me through this
kind of pain they wouldn't betray me like this I exhaled slowly you keep telling me you love me but your actions prove otherwise completely she started speaking again but it was just a jumbled mess of words half formed apologies desperate excuses I couldn't even make sense of it I rubbed my temples feeling the last remnants of my patience slipping away this is pointless I muttered to myself before standing up I'm calling your sister she didn't even argue she just sat there shaking sobbing so hard I thought she might pass out I stepped into the hallway
pulled out my phone and dialed her sister answered on the second ring James yeah I sighed listen I need you to come overow what's going on she asked concerned creeping into her voice I finally told her we're done I said simply shek a mess I need you to take her there was a brief pause before she said I'll be there in 15 when she arrived I gave her a quick rundown she didn't look surprised just tired she helped my wife my soon to be ex-wife off the couch Whispering soothing words to her as she guided
her out the door and then they were gone for the first time in 7 months I could finally breathe I don't even know what I'm looking for here validation closure maybe just confirmation that I'm not cra crazy for feeling this way but no matter what I feel the truth Remains the Same she had to know this was going to happen she had to know what she was doing she must have wanted it on some level because no one could possibly be so blind so reckless so utterly foolish to think that choices like these would lead
to anything other than divorce in a broken family she's beautiful she's smart and up until she started her Affair our marriage was great but that's in the past I've accepted that life changes I've moved past it so why is she pretending now why is she acting like she still loves me like she wants us to remain married like we can still be a family what could possibly be her motivation for this drama at this point what does she gain she couldn't seriously believe we could reconcile after everything she's done could she it has to be
some kind of Ploy I just can't figure out what the hell it is I sat down rubbing my temples trying to piece it together I had plenty of evidence of her cheating in my country that meant no alimony for her maybe that's it maybe she's afraid I'll expose her and she'll walk away with nothing or maybe she's scared I'll tell her a fair partner's wife that would explain the desperation the sudden need to act like she still cares I sigh leaning back in my chair none of this made sense and the more I thought about
it the more I realized I was wasting time trying to figure out her motives when my focus needed to be elsewhere I grabbed a stack of papers and started making lists headlines on each one covering the key points I needed to address our kids how to behave when meeting her my marriage Sally questions to ask my wife each category had its own space its own weight my goal was clear I needed to figure out what mattered most what core principles I wanted in place and what I needed to focus on then I could evaluate whether
any of it would actually lead to something meaningful the kids were my number one priority I tapped the paper labeled kids and underlined it twice whatever happened between their mother and me they shouldn't have to suffer for it I would increase my efforts to help them through this individual counseling family counseling whatever it took I'd make sure they had support from every direction I picked up my phone and called my sister hey James she answered her voice warm but cautious she knew this was a rough time I need a favor I said getting straight to
the point I want the kids surrounded by love more family time more support can you and Mom help of course she said without hesitation we'll be there for them for you too I exhaled the tension in my chest loosening just a little thanks I'll also be talking to their teachers their coaches I want to make sure they have a strong support system in place that's a good idea she said and James are you okay I hesitated I'm managing we both knew that wasn't an answer but she didn't push after we hung up I stared at
my next note DNA testing just thinking about it made me feel sick but I had to do it I had already taken an SDI test I wasn't going to take any more risks but this this was different I had to know not just for myself but for them if they weren't mine they had the right to know the truth I booked the test and sat there staring at the confirmation email my mind ran in circles what if they weren't mine would I still be their father of course I would but would they want to know
about their biological father would they ever want to reach out to him when they got older how will they see me if I don't act now if I don't take control of this situation and make sure they are mine I won't be able to breathe properly until I know for certain hopefully they're mine but until I get confirmation the stress will weigh on me like a stone in my chest before anything else I spoke alone with their therapists I needed to understand the best way to approach this how to tell them how to answer their
questions how to make sure they felt secure despite everything crumbling around them once I felt ready we sat down together as a family I took a deep breath and looked at them my children my whole world their eyes were filled with uncertainty confusion and maybe even fear I needed to be strong for them there's something we need to talk about I began my voice steady I know things have been difficult lately and I know you have a lot of questions I want you to know that no matter what you can come to to me with
anything I am your dad I love you more than anything in this world and I will always be here for you no matter what that will never change they listened quietly taking in every word I repeated it over and over making sure it sank in lyla's voice was small when she finally spoke are you and Mom getting divorced I swallowed hard yes sweetheart we are Derek frowned looking down at his hands so what happens to us I lean forward my hands resting on the table nothing changes when it comes to to how much I love
you you will always have me we'll figure everything else out together okay they nodded but I could see the pain in their faces I wanted to take it away to make everything better for them but I couldn't erase what had already happened all I could do was be here be solid be dad later that night I sat alone staring at the paper labeled marriage I already knew the answer the truth had settled into my bones cold and immovable I could never trust my wife again without trust a relationship is impossible and I didn't love her
anymore the realization didn't hit me like a sudden crash it was something that had been creeping up on me slowly surely until there was no denying it the love I once had for her had been a massive part of me a force that shaped my world but she killed it her Affair shattered something inside me something that couldn't be put back together maybe under different circumstances I could have learned to love her again maybe if things had played out another way I could have tried but the truth was I didn't want to I had no
desire to fight for this marriage I didn't want to rebuild something that felt irreparably broken it was better to end it better to walk away and get on with my life I no longer wanted this marriage I no longer wanted her the part of me that used to feel Joy and warmth at the thought of her now filled with Dread and memories of pain any association with her made my skin crawl divorce was inevitable and I wanted it done as soon as possible maybe jumping into a new relationship with Sally wasn't the best idea my
life was a total mess and I didn't want to drag her into it it wouldn't be fair to to her when I told her this she disagreed life is messy she said might as well see how we deal with that together she had a point but I wasn't ready while talking I learned why she had never married she had been engaged once nearly 5 years ago but her fiance died unexpectedly in a work accident it devastated her and although she had gone on a few dates since then she had never formed a real connection with
anyone from her perspective life is short and you have to take risks whenever a true opportunity presents itself I understand her view but I still didn't want to start anything until after my divorce was official I don't want to cheat not even technically I told her she respected that I also brought up how it could look if we were suddenly out in the open together right after my marriage ended it would be easy for people to paint you as the home wrecker I said I don't want that for you Sally agreed we decided to wait
until everything was Final before doing anything still I felt incredibly drawn to her this phone call alone felt like a borderline emotional affair I knew that if I wanted to do this right I had to create distance so we agreed I would get my Affairs in order contact her when I was ready and then we'd see where things went with that settled I turned my attention to the inevitable meeting with my wife I sat down and wrote out a set of principles for how I wanted to handle it I reminded myself of the kind of
man I wanted to be the man I used to be before all of this I needed to stay calm I would make every effort not to be cruel the purpose of this conversation was to move forward not to reopen wounds most importantly I wanted to co-parent as well as possible for the sake of our kids still I had questions I needed to understand what she had been thinking why she had the affair what her plans were moving forward I would be direct but I wouldn't be deceitful I wasn't going to give her false hope just
to gain leverage for a postnup or any advantage in the divorce I had already decided I would act as fairly as possible I would divide all assets with her equally I hate her for what she did to me to us to our children but at the same time I can't raas the good memories I love the life we built together the moments of laughter the quiet nights the children we raised I want to remember her that way not as the woman who betrayed me I can't carry this hate in my heart forever at some point
I need to forgive her not for her sake but for mine I need to move on up until she cheated I truly believed we had a good marriage we made love every day spent quality time together and rarely argued we sacrificed for each other willingly I was always open with her and I believed she was open with me too but now her actions have shown that wasn't the case Saturday came and I went to see her her sister had warned me that she was in bad shape and she wasn't wrong when I saw her I
barely recognized the woman sitting in front of me her eyes were bloodshot her face swollen from Days of crying her hair unkempt she looked like she had shrunk like she had imploded into herself it was clear she hadn't been sleeping or eating we sat down and I waited my wife was shaking almost uncontrollably surprisingly I felt calm I saw her pain but I didn't feel it the way a husband should I felt for her the way I might feel for an actor in a tragic movie detached engaged but distant it was in that moment I
knew without a doubt that I didn't love her anymore she tried to speak several times but kept breaking down into sobs I watched waiting her sister sat beside her crying too occasionally berating her it was clear that her sister had seen this coming that she had warned her finally my wife spoke and when she did it was like a damn bursting I'm so sorry she sobed I I can't even begin to tell you how much I regret everything I just sat there silent she kept apologizing over and over she didn't try to blame me or
make excuses which I found surprising I had expected some kind of justification some attempt to shift responsibility but there was none her sister wiped her tears angrily and looked at me I told her she said bitterly I told her this would happen but she wouldn't listen I frowned told her what that she lose everything her sister said shaking her head it's how I lost my fiance that was news to me I never knew her sister had cheated my wife let out another choked SOB I started thinking about it after that she admitted I started wondering
what it would be like if I could do it and keep my life the same I swallowed hard my stomach twisting so this was planned no she shook her head desperately not at first I just I started thinking about it a lot and then then I met him her face crumpled and she let out another heartbreaking SOB I didn't mean for this to happen she said through her tears I just God I don't even know how to explain it I got infatuated like a stupid teenager with a crush I couldn't help myself I clenched my
jaw you couldn't help yourself she nodded miserably I told myself it was just a fling that it wouldn't mean anything I never thought you would find out I never thought anyone would get hurt I felt my fists tighten in my lap you didn't think I'd find out I repeated my voice cold she let out a small broken laugh I was happy Jes she whispered I was so happy with you with our life I told myself I deserve this that if you knew how happy I was you'd probably support my choice at the time she had
convinced herself that the affair would pass that it was just a fleeting moment in her life and that we would all go back to our happy family she had no idea I had already found out only when I started to check out becoming distant uninterested absent did she begin to question what was going on I thought I thought everything was fine she whispered I still wet with fresh tears I let out a humorless chuckle fine you really believe that she nodded wiping her face with trembling hands I told myself it was just a phase that
once it was over nothing would change that we be okay she told me she had broken up with him about a month and a half ago the excitement the thrill had started to fade she had blocked him she said and handed me her phone as proof I took it my hand steady as I navigated to her blocked contacts the moment I unblocked his number a flood of messages poured in Desperate pleading frustrated I looked up at her and she flinched under my stare guess he didn't get the memo I muttered scrolling through the unread messages
she swallowed hard I wanted to fix things with you James I've been trying I thought I thought if I could just get you to see how much I love you we could find our way back I shook my head and what be stronger than ever that's what you thought isn't it she hesitated then nodded yes I leaned forward my voice lower now colder and when you looked into my eyes that night when I told you I knew what did you see her lip trembled and she broke down again I saw it was over she admitted
in a whisper I saw I saw that I had destroyed everything I sat back exhaling through my nose then why are we still having this conversation she sniffled hands twisting together because I have to try James I have to fight for us for our family I closed my eyes briefly forcing myself to stay calm then I asked the question that had haunted me since the moment I found out tell me what was it what was going through your mind that made you think you had the right to do this to me to our children she
sobbed harder shaking her head I don't know I I cut her off sharply you must have had a reason you don't just wake up one day and decide to blow up your family she tried to speak but no words came out she just looked at me pleading as if I could somehow give her an excuse she didn't have and that's when it hit me there were no answers no explanation that would ever make sense no reason that could justify this level of betrayal I let out a slow breath you know what it doesn't matter because
nothing you say will ever make this okay she broke down completely her body racking with sobs but I felt nothing not anger not sympathy not love just emptiness I got closure today I said more to myself then to her I got to tell you how much you hurt me how much pain you CA she looked up at me her lips quivering I know and I'm so sorry I will never forgive myself I nodded good because this is on you you destroyed our marriage you broke our family our children will grow up in a broken home
because of you she flinched as if I had slapped her I didn't care it was the truth and she needed to hear it she reached for me then her hands shaking please James please give me another chance I'll do anything anything I stared at her and for the first time I realized the full extent of the damage not just to our marriage but to the way I saw her I don't believe you I said flatly in fact I don't believe anything you say she asked me what she could do to fix it her voice desperate
searching for some kind of road map to Redemption you broke it I told her plainly if you don't even know how how can you expect me to give you a solution she swallowed hard James please just tell me what I can do anything I'll do anything I shook my head if you were in my shoes what would you say to that she hesitated her hands twisting together as she searched for an answer but there wasn't one these kinds of questions went back and forth between us for what felt like an eternity eventually she let out
a shake takey breath and admitted if the roles were reversed I don't think I'd be able to forgive this either I nodded then you understand I told her I had already gotten tested for SDI and that I planned to get a DNA test for the kids the moment those words left my mouth she completely broke down sobbing uncontrollably for nearly 20 minutes I just stood there watching detached from the scene in front of me when she finally managed to catch her breath she looked up at me eyes swollen and R James I swear this was
the only time I have never ever done anything like this before I crossed my arms and why should I believe that she hesitated her mouth opening and closing as if searching for the right words but there weren't any after another round of back and forth she finally conceded I guess you don't have any reason to believe me if I were in your shoes I'd probably do the same I moved on does ap's wife know she shook her head slowly looking away in shame I sighed she deserves to know she swallowed I I know I level
my gaze at her so should you tell her or should I her lip trembled James if I tell her if I go to HR and confess everything would you consider reconciling maybe marriage counseling I didn't even hesitate no she flinched as if I had slapped her I kept my voice steady as I continued but it would help you regain a tiny bit of respect in my eyes her shoulders slumped but she nodded okay I'll tell her I'll tell everyone I'll go to HR I'll do whatever it takes I exhaled rubbing a hand over my face
I don't really believe you she reached for me then her voice cracking I swear James I will never be with anyone else ever again and I will never stop trying to get you back even if it takes the rest of my life I didn't believe her but at this point I didn't say anything the conversation was becoming redund it then she made an offer that made me feel even more disgusted what if we had a one-sided open marriage she blurted out desperation dripping from every word you could see whoever you wanted I'd stay faithful to
you you'd have access to all my communication 24/7 availability anything James anything I stared at her for a long moment then said I already talked to Sally and I'm waiting she blinked confused waiting for what I exhaled slowly for the divorce because I don't want to cheat I don't want to be in an open relationship it would hurt her if we did that and I don't want to hurt other people the way you hurt me tears welded up in her eyes again but I wasn't done and I don't want to be your Jailer either I
continued constantly snooping on you being suspicious every second of the day that's not grounds for a healthy relationship I'm not interested in intimacy without a deeper connection sex for the sake of sex means nothing to me if I needed a mechanical release I could handle that on my own I don't need a partner for that by this point we were all exhausted we had been talking for over 5 hours and my wife had been crying almost the entire time sometimes softly sometimes uncontrollably her face was red and swollen her voice raw from sobbing but there
was nothing more to say we we weren't going to get any further than this it was done I looked at her my voice steady but firm the love I used to have for you is gone I don't even recognize the person you've become our family our marriage died by your hand she shook her head violently tears spilling down her cheeks no no James please you can't undo what you've done I continued the only way to avoid this would have been to not start the affair 7 months ago that was your choice and this is the
consequence I don't want our marriage back I don't want you back and I want any more pain she sobbed harder clutching at her own arms like she was trying to hold herself together I sighed already feeling drained I think we need to go no contact for a while we need space distance perspective I already filed for divorce my mind is made up her whole body tensed James please please the only thing we can do now is co-parent I'll agree to family therapy for the kids's sake but beyond that I don't even want to see you
that broke her completely she crumbled in on herself shaking as she ched Ed on her own sobs no no no no she kept repeating as if she could will it into reality please no please James no I stood up to leave feeling suffocated by the weight of it all but before I could take a step I saw her sway her hands clutching her face blood started pouring from her nose fast and heavy her breath hitched in panic and she tried to reach for me then her knees buckled I caught her just before she hit the
ground her sister screamed oh my God James help her I didn't think I just acted I scooped her up and carried her to the car her sister right behind me the drive to the ER was tense her sister crying quietly in the passenger seat while I focused on the road my wife pale and barely conscious in the back I stayed at the hospital until I was sure she would be okay last night and today she's been telling everyone what she did word spread fast this morning ap's wife called me the moment I picked up her
voice was tight with controlled anger is it true I saw yes silence then she exhaled sharply do you have proof I do send me some of it I did a few minutes later she texted me back heun's out I kicked him out she called again soon after James I need to see all of it I've suspected for a long time but I never had anything solid can we meet I thought about it for a moment letun sit down for dinner tomorrow she hesitated then said can we talk now on the phone I rubb my temples
exhausted maybe later some of her friends and relatives have been calling me cursing me out telling me I should give her a second chance they act like I'm the villain here like I'm the one who destroyed our marriage you're really going to throw everything away over one mistake her cousin spat over the phone earlier I clenched my jaw one mistake I repeated my voice colder than I intended she made that mistake every time she met up with him for seven months that's not a mistake that's a choice you still love her she insisted you have
a family together you can work through this I let out a bitter laugh love whatever love I had for her died when I found out what she was doing behind my back and our family I sighed she already destroyed that I'm just cleaning up the wreckage she scoffed muttering something under her breath before hanging up that was the third call like that today but in my mind I keep thinking why drag out the pain better to get it over with now so we can all start to heal and build new lives even if that means
moving forward separately there's nothing left to save the DNA reports came in and the kids were mine 5 months later the divorce was finalized it was strange after all the turmoil all the fights all the tears the finality of it felt almost quiet I gave my ex-wife her share of the assets and with that we were done no more paperwork no more court dates just two people who once had a life together now moving in separate directions the kids don't want to stay with her it's not something I ever encouraged or pushed them toward but
they made their own decision shek always sad lla told me one night while I was tucking her in she doesn't talk much and when she does she just sounds tired she kills any happiness we have Dad Derek sitting on the edge of his bed nodded in agreement yeah it's like she wants us to be miserable with her I didn't know what to say to that I didn't want them to resent their mother but I also couldn't forceed them to be around someone who made them feel that way Sally on the other hand has become more
like a mother to them than I ever expected they love her they laugh with her they tell her things they used to only tell their mom it used to make me feel guilty but now I just just feel grateful seeing them happy again seeing them feel safe and loved that's what matters I'm glad you found her dad Lyla said one day as she helped Sally set the table for dinner she smiled at me a real genuine smile something I hadn't seen in months she makes us happy that meant everything to me Sally and I are
getting married in 3 months and the kids are just as excited as we are as for my ex-wife she's finally started therapy I called her a few days ago to wish her luck she sounded distant but she thanked me the kids don't want to see me she admitted her voice breaking I get it I do I just she sighed I missed them I didn't know how to respond to that I wasn't going to force them to see her but I also knew that this was the consequence of what she had done she seems to finally
understand their emotions now and because of that she's been a bit absent from their lives dear listeners please share your thoughts in the comments section below and don't forget to like share and subscribe
