welcome back to becoming my name is Nick Slater today we're joined by Jeremy lipitz Jeremy is an executive coach who overcame Addiction in his 20s and now helps thousands of men all over the world break free from their addiction to porn today we talk about the normalization of porn in society how it's conditioned our beliefs around intimacy how it can create an emotional divide between partners and how it affects men and women's performance in the bedroom we talk about the rise of only fans if porn is cheating and how our life changes when we quit
I am so excited for you to listen to this one Jeremy is a fantastic communicator and as you'll hear his advice around quitting isn't just applicable to porn addiction but also applies to any Vice or addiction that you might be grappling with and I also just notice many of you haven't yet subscribed so if you are enjoying these videos do me a favor help me keep the lights on and flick me a subscribe I'll jump out of the way please enjoy Jeremy lipoids Jeremy everyone seems to be watching porn it's become very normalized surely it
can't be that bad can it yeah there's a lot of ways to answer this question I mean there are many things throughout history that people did without thinking it was bad and then we later realized it actually had some harmful effects on us some negative consequences you know the obvious one that we can look to is smoking cigarettes but even more subtle things like you know high fructose corn syrup hydrogenated oils margarine there's so many things things that our whole society was on board with and then later on we realized had some negative consequences so
I think this argument around porn is just not one that holds a lot of a lot of weight to it just because everybody's doing it doesn't mean that it's healthy and the other thing that I like to stress about porn you know and I come from a very secular background this is not a religious argument against porn this is not a moralistic argument this is really about a health and happiness question but the thing with porn and over consuming porn is that many of the consequences and negative consequences are subtle and long-term so the things
you might not notice right away and even when you notice some of these negative health effects you might not even be able to pin it back to porn unless you're looking very closely so things that you might might feel totally disconnected like depression irritability anxiety issues in your relationship issues in the bedroom there's so many things that you might not realize are actually coming from your porn consumption but they are and it's because they build up over a long time and they're very subtle it's like a drop of water each day but over time it
fills up a very big bucket before we do dive into some of those effects why do you think porn has become so normalized I think one of the reasons it's become so normalized is because it is not talked about openly you know it's one of these subject that is very taboo very sensitive for a lot of people and so we sweep it under the rug we put it in the closet we don't really talk about it in an open and honest way if it does get talked about it's more of a joke between men kind
of locker room talk but it's become normalized in this sense that you know it's it's just something that's very sensitive for some people and so we don't talk about it and in the darkness it's been allowed to grow and I think that's one of the ways and also the fact that we're just very sex ual creatures I mean as humans we are sexual beings and it's a beautiful part of who we are and it's hard to know where that line is between unhealthy sexuality and healthy sexuality you know what is a healthy expression of our
natural sexual nature and what has gone into an unhealthy maybe toxic uh kind of behavior with the the rise of the internet and because we don't talk about it those things combined it sort of just became this this really uh prevailing part of society without before anyone really had time to react with legislation or any social norms around it yeah well not only has it there hasn't been enough time to really react it's also a very big industry you know so there's a lot of money behind keeping it in business one of the surprising statistics
that many people don't know is that the porn industry makes more money than all of the major sports leagues combined you know the NFL the NBA the MLB the porn industry is a bigger industry than all of those combined which is just wild to think about that there's actually a lot of money and business interest behind keeping this thing growing and so I think that in conjunction with the fact that it is a taboo topic that we don't talk about has allowed it to grow in such a way and then you pile on top of
that the fact that we are hyperconnected high-speed internet is in everyone's pocket every young 11 or 12-year-old boy has access to porn up and he can go in his room and watch it you know I think if I had access to what we have now when I was a kid I would be totally hooked on it you know night and day absolutely so there's so many contributing factors to why it's such a big thing today well when I was a teenager the best I could get my hands on was like a picture a pornographic picture
on a floppy disc and compared that to the unlimited amounts of porn a teenager can get uh on a free website these days is just crazy because even as adults it's hard to control those impulses so a teenage brain really has no chance I guess we could start there maybe you could talk to what sort of impact porn is having on young boys or teenagers yeah there's a few different lenses that we could look at it we could look at it on a purely physiological basis looking at dopamine and how it affects our dopamine systems
we can also look at it in terms of a relational lens how it's impacting our views on intimacy our views on sex a views on what's appropriate with the people that we're interested in on a very basic biological level I mean porn is just a highly dopaminergic substance so it really presses on that dopamine system and so much so that it ends up depleting us we get burnt out it disregulation difficulty focusing it causes brain fog also causes some of these emotional dysregulations like irritability depression anxiety um moodiness all these things that happen when we
overstimulate our uh dopamine system so that's just on a purely physiological basis it's also just an energy leak a lot of men notice this particularly they notice it when they give up porn how much energy they feel that they never felt before and it's one of the things that for so many people who've been watching porn since they were 6 S 8 years old you don't even really know what your body is capable of or what you could feel like without it because youve been you've been swimming in it your whole life and so many
men they notice once they give it up they feel stronger they feel more energized you know they just have this power that they didn't have before so those are some of the the physiological benefits in terms of what it does on a relational level I think this is where it gets even scarier you know what it's doing in terms of our expectations on intimacy because porn is such a fantasy it's created by men for men just to stimulate that dopamine system and to keep you hooked and so it's not a healthy representation of intimacy you
know there's not a lot of foreplay there's not a lot of uh cuddling or sweet talk it's very violent as well it's gotten more violent over the years and so this is teaching lessons to young men who are watching it and as I mentioned before a lot of these lessons are very subtle so you don't pick up on them right away one example that I like to give is that in porn you never see a girl turning down sex right you never see a girl saying hey I'm not in the mood or I'm not interested
you always see the girl being up for it even if the man is violent even if the man is aggressive the girl always ends up being into it because it's porn so imagine a young 10-year-old boy watching this for the next 10 years of life every time he's getting the impression he's getting the message that oh if I make an advance on a girl she's going to be into it she'll reciprocate she'll give back and so these are again sending these very subtle messages that impact intimacy over time the young boy just receiving that message
that women are an object and on the women's side women are taught that sex is performative and almost like they just have to perform for the man their pleasure is not not even relevant mhm with regards to dopamine that ongoing quest for dopamine when people are looking for porn does that lead them to searching for more and more extreme types of videos yeah and I don't want to give the impression that this happens for everyone I'm not saying you know that every single person who watches porn is an addict or is going to get into
more and more extreme things but one of the things that happens with substances like this is that we get habituated to it this is just basic human nature you know we get accustomed to things and then they stop giving us that same level of excitement and so we need something a little bit more exciting and this is that desensitization that we experience with with porn or any anything like it where we end up needing just a little bit more to get that same hit and this over time again if you do it every night over
the course of years you might not notice On Any Given night that you've gotten into something more extreme but over the course of 5 years or 10 years it can really take you into a more extreme place where you finally wake up one day and realize am I really into this like is this what I've gotten into and might have nothing to do with what you're actually interested in in terms of your sexuality it might just be that you've drifted because you needed that extra little head of dopamine it's like being extremized on social media
how easy it is to P Down The Rabbit Hole by getting served more and more extreme content that same thing applies for porn where they that algorithm is prioritizing videos that are getting clicked on which are probably the more extreme ones and it's easy to see how someone can go down down that rabbit hole as well I'd love to talk about how porn sets an unrealistic expectation we touched on it with how women have to be performative and men get a really wrong idea about what sex is but again porn doesn't portray the emotional connection
between a man and a woman and how prevalent is that link with some of the the clients that you have that they're they're not really appreciating the emotional connection of sex yeah you know it's one of the studies that I heard about one time was that when we are watching porn the regions of the brain that are lighting up are the regions of the brain associated with viewing objects not the Reg of the brain associated with viewing people and understanding emotions so like we have certain regions of the brain for looking at a stapler a
table an object and when we're engaged in online pornography those are the regions of the brains that are lighting up and so on a very neurological level like objectification is actually happening we are consuming porn as if these as if it's an object that we need to acquire and so that objectification then has consequences in our real life you know when we then go and meet a partner our brain has been rewired in a certain sense to view women or you know whatever I'll be speaking from a heteronormative perspective but it doesn't matter if you're
gay straight whatever to view that object of your interest as an object rather than as a person with emotions that's really and it's just you know it's like balancing the scale thing if every night for 5 years you watch porn and then you have one night you know where you're with a real human being there's just so much more on the other side of the scale that it's hard to counterbalance that you can imagine the impact on that experience for both Partners as well and you know you hear reports of of a lot of men
not being able to reach sexual not being able to finish because they've been desensitized through porn is that another common thing 100% I mean it's why we also see erectile dysfunction or sometimes is called P which is porn induced erectile dysfunction when you get habituated to such a high level of extreme pornography that then when you try to have a normal sexual experience which is messy you know there's there's sweat there's you know farts sometimes it's like you know complicated stuff that happens in a real physical interaction it's just it's such an alien experience for
some of these men because they have habituated their mind they have rewired their mind to expect what they've done for the past 10 15 20 years which is consuming porn through a screen the other thing it does is again we are telling our brain that sex is not something that we engage in in a physical way it's something we observe Through The Eyes rather than being present with our partner this is one of the common things I hear from the partners of men with porn addiction is that when they're having sex it feels like their
partner totally absent you know they're just in their head their eyes are closed they're not even present with their partner and this is because often times when a partner you know when someone who is addicted to porn sleeps with their partner they just need to go into their fantasy world and imagine that they're watching porn so it's a totally disconnected experience and this is one of the other ways it can really harm intimacy another way I imagine is when a male's source of ual gratification is elsewhere not only does it impact intimacy imagine I imagine
around the house it would just impact the energy levels between the couple because he's not relying or not relying but he's not looking at her for sexual gratification or or at least for intimacy so surely they would lose that magnetic pull definitely there becomes like an energetic blockage between the two in terms of that that polarity that intimacy that desire and connection you know when a man is giving most of his sexual energy into porn and into a screen his partner can feel that you know there's a lack of connection there and it it's very
devastating and I think the biggest Devastation around poring addiction is actually the ways that it betrays the trust in a relationship because what often happens is a man will end up hiding his behavior or lying about it or keeping it secret and then that ends up causing that Rift in the relationship where you lose the trust because there's no more communication there's no more connection there's no more trust and that is one of the most harmful things that many I I I speak with many women who have partners with porn addiction and they often say
that the most hurtful thing is not that he watched porn but that he lied about it and hid it and betrayed the trust in a sense and that's one of the ways yeah if there are secrets in a sense that is cheating right yeah I mean it gets to this question of is porn cheating right and it's a great question and the answer is it depends depends on the couple I know there are some women who don't mind if their partner watches porn as long as they're open about it maybe they watch it together and
there are some women who are really not okay with it where it really does feel like the partner is cheating and so I'm agnostic on this I don't come down one way or the other I say have a conversation with with your partner and find out how they feel about it because there's so many studies showing the effects of porn on relationships and what it does to your partner's sense of self-confidence how they feel about their own body do they become more insecure there's so many effects of it and so just having a conversation and
getting on the same page is really important what we were just talking about where there's no energetic blockage between the two partners is subtle at first but it really does bring you closer together it builds a charge over the week you just build this charge within yourself and you start really becoming attracted to your woman and it it's just so good for your relationship I'm I'm a massive advocate for that let's talk only fans and I guess the difference between only fans and traditional porn is that there becomes this parasocial relationship between some male subscribers
and the online creators where they form a one one-sided personal relationship with them can you please talk about how problematic that can be yeah well first I will just kind of point out which many men either don't know or they're willfully in denial about 99% of the time when you're chatting with somebody on only fans you're not chatting with the person you're chatting with a call center in the Philippines or a call center you know somewhere where they've outsourced the chat to people who know how to to seduce you and make you pay for these
videos you know I know this firsthand from living in Bali there's many only fans people there and I talk with many of them and they say yeah this is a business we Outsource it there's a call center that works 24/7 they know how to manipulate you and get you to pay for these videos and so for those people who think hey this is a healthier form of pornography because I'm actually having a connection with this person in some ways you're just living in denial I mean there is no real connection there it's it's the illusion
of a connection um so I think that's important to understand just you know what really is going on behind the scenes and also you know it's something that you're paying money for again you might be channeling that Sexual Energy that you could be giving to your partner or if you're single you could be giving to going out and meeting someone um and instead you're channeling it into a service yeah we have a limited amount of sexual energy and it's important to harness that and cherish that I'm always fascinated after having Victoria on who I know
that you know as well who who is speaking out against the dangers of only fans it just fascinates me how media mainstream media seems to almost glorify only fans in a way you'll often see articles in the daily mail here about some only fans Creator and how much money she's spending or boasting about how many people she's slept with what kind of role is the media playing in over sexualizing and glorifying only fans I think it started way before only fans I mean the what Instagram and Tik Tok are today in many ways it's it's
still on that spectrum of glorifying sexualizing young girls and you see it on Instagram you I mean there's so many thir traps on Instagram or people who are you know kind of funneling you in that direction and our society really has glorified sexuality because sex cells you know it's it Taps directly into our human nature into our physiology as sexual beings and it gets us hooked and gets us addicted and only fans is in some ways is just the latest iteration of this movement of hypersexualization and glorifying it and I want to be clear you
know I'm a very liberal person I grew up in a liberal family I'm not a religious person uh I am sex positive you know I I think kinks are great and sex is great and I think you should embrace it and at the same time I think it's about having a healthy balance and because what I see is people go too far to either extreme they either go too far into the suppression and repression of sexuality and say anything you know is of the devil and this is a sin and you know you you it's
like too far in the repression side or sometimes there's too far on the other side where it's like hey any kind of sexual expression is good and healthy and any question about whether it might be unhealthy is you know is wrong and you're shaming sexuality and it's just not true it's like we have to have a healthy balance and understand that we have a physiology that can be hijacked and we need to be really Mindful and conscientious about you know what are what we might be getting taken advantage of you know by not being aware
of what's happening in terms of your clients what sort of addictions are they facing is it porn in general or are you finding some a struggling with only fans it's it's a huge spectrum and it can go anywhere from just a porn addiction you know really getting into to porn it can grow to things like only fans or subscription sites it can move Beyond porn and subscription sites it can go to things like escorts you know getting into prostitution it can get into infidelity so there's so many different ways that it can go um it's
it really just depends on the person I will also say it's such a spectrum because for some people the addiction is it it might not be that they're getting into anything unethical or illegal in terms of the content it might just be that it's really taking away their time and energy from their relationship and it might just be a little bit here and there but it might actually be having a significant impact on their relationship sh or their career so I like to say that because it's it's important to understand that every person is different
and you don't have to be the worst case to decide to give it up you can you know you can say like hey this isn't really destroying my life but this is actually holding me back from the kind of Next Level growth and happiness that I really desire you know the real connection the real intimacy with my partner that's what I really truly desire ire and this porn habit even though it's not destroying my life and sending me to jail it might actually be holding me back from that and that's why I want to quit
it that's such a great point because many people might be listening to this and thinking yeah I watch porn but it's not a huge problem that's such a great way to identify the line between casual watching and whether it is impacting your life and I I really want to challenge anyone who's listening who has that thought which is yeah I watch porn but it's not not really a problem I just watch sometimes and it's not a big deal to if you really think that's true try stopping for 30 days and you'll learn many things one
if you can't stop if you try to stop for 30 days and you can't there might be a sign that there's kind of a compulsive nature there and it's something that actually isn't within your control and then if you do stop you you might notice things that you've never noticed before because it might be that in your entire adult life you've actually never gone without porn for more than than 30 days and so giving yourself a chance to see what your life is like without it is really powerful do you offer any tips for clients
who are looking for something to replace porn with if they're trying to break that habit it's a very interesting question which is once you get to the place where you say okay I actually want to try giving this up and I want to break free from this habit how do I go about doing that and there's a lot that's involved I mean it's um if if it's at the place where it's an addiction for you if it's a really compulsive behavior and it's an unwanted behavior and you find yourself keep going back to it even
though you know you don't want to then you really have to start to work with what's going on inside of you you know because addiction comes as a result of living an unfulfilling life you know not getting your needs met It's A coping mechanism for self- soothing and for self-medicating and so you really have to start to develop some alternative coping mechanisms some healthier coping mechanisms and start to address the question of why do you have this Habit in the first place you know what trauma happened to you when you were younger what needs weren't
being met when you were a child or teenager what were the things that you were using this for to self soothe and to medicate and understanding what your triggers are you know if it's loneliness or if it's stress at work or if it's boredom and those are your triggers then identifying those behaviors and saying or identifying those triggers and saying hey I need to be more mindful of these so that when the time comes I have healthier Outlets healthier coping mechanisms and there's a lot of things you know that support this exercise good sleep Community
Sports you know having fun meditation therapy there's a whole gigantic toolbox of things you can use to support you what is the number one way quitting porn will improve your relationship I would say that the primary way is it the way that it affects the relationship you have with yourself which then has a ripple effect on all the relationships around you for example if you are watching things that are out of Integrity you know if you're watching things that you know are not in alignment with how you want to show up as a man in
the world things that are violent or cruel or you know just out of Integrity in some way then starting to live with integrity and saying hey I'm no longer going to engage with this thing that I know I shouldn't be engaging with it gives you that sense of self-respect and integrity that then allows you to be in relationship with other people in a healthier way because when you're out of Integrity with yourself it's very hard to have a healthy relationship with others you're going to be constantly second guessing their love and affection you know how
can this person love me I feel you know broken I'm out of Integrity um so that's one of the primary ways that has the Ripple effects outward it is just the way that it heals the relationship with yourself the other way is you know it helps you be more present for your relationships like instead of thinking about porn thinking about when you're going to act out judging yourself or judging your partner you can really be present and just there for them rather than comparing them to some porn scene you just watched or having your mind
be elsewhere you're really present for the relationship so those are some of the primary ways that it can really impact and then one of the other things is that when men make this decision to quit watching porn at least in in my program and in many other programs you need to commit to honesty you know to really being truthful about everything and that also contributes to that Integrity where you're no longer hiding or lying and that improves relationships like no other beautifully said on a personal level you mentioned it before in terms of someone raising
their energy level by watch by stopping watching porn with if a client does have success in that what's the first thing they report back to you how how how how do they feel mental Clarity is probably one of the first things that that come and people say it all the time they're like wow I just feel so much more clearheaded like I can think straight this term brain fog is one that's common L reported with people who are watching too much porn where it's just your mind feels kind of foggy and dull and it's your
whole nervous system your body feels like you're walking in a fog and when you quit you just have this sense of clarity and lightness and alertness and confidence and it's such a a beautiful thing to experience and so that's one of the first things that people notice there's also a fire that gets built up you know as you said before the Sexual Energy it's an energy within our body and when you stop giving it away and leaking it out to porn you actually retain that energy within you which then you can put into your relationship
you can put into the gym you can put into your business and your career all sorts of things and so just that energy starts to come back to your body and just being aware of that energy Surplus it's you don't need to spend it every day go to sleep and and carry it over into the next day and let it fuel your business yeah the one other thing I'll say which for me is like my favorite part of recovery is that people experience this is a bit a bit further down the road but you also
kind of notice it right away which is something that I call the Bliss of blamelessness and this is an idea that comes from Buddhist philosophy but it's this this feeling that when you're living in an ethical way when you're living in Integrity you experience this thing called the Bliss of blamelessness which is when you know you're not doing anything wrong you're not not causing harm you're not living unethically there is a deep Bliss associated with that kind of Integrity you can walk down the street with your head held high you have nothing to hide from
anyone you can hand your phone over to a stranger and not worry about if you left a browser open and are they going to see this thing that I was looking at there's this sense of the Bliss of blamelessness it's just this feeling that hey I'm I have nothing to hide I'm living a good life I'm a good person and that is priceless like there is nothing more powerful than that feeling that's beautiful have you also found that that process really Kickstart a New Journey of self-improvement for your clients where they go on to do
other things a th% it it is often the doorway to a more spiritual life in whatever way that means for each person you know and I feel this for my myself my own Point addiction was the doorway that got me into Buddhist philosophy and connecting with deeper fulfillment and happiness and you know things that really matter in life and so for so many of these men this is just the doorway it it's the first doorway and it's the first step towards a path of cultivating a a more fulfilling life a life of service a life
of meaning and purpose because that's what porn addiction really is it makes makes us feel stuck in this life that feels empty and pointless it's just this selfish pursuit of more sense pleasure that lasts a millisecond and as soon as you're done you feel empty inside like what am I doing with my life I'm just chasing this pleasure that never feels satisfying yes and when you can start to recognize that and give that up it's like oh now I have an opportunity to live with purpose to connect with things that are actually fulfilling empowering to
know that you can make changes as well and and talking about that shame we have all experienced at one point the post nut Clarity where you close your laptop in disgust of what you've just watched what advice do you have around that is there some way we can harness that to to improve yeah that that postn Clarity where you you close the laptop you know and you kind of wake up to your life I had so many moments of this where you know you finish close the laptop and then you just you're in a pool
of your own sweat just kind of like what have I done for the last hour or two hours um how to harness that definitely it's like Rock Bottom any kind of rock bottom there is no real Rock Bottom you can always go deeper in rock bottom but every Rock Bottom is a moment where you wake up in some sense to your life and say is this really the life I'm living like I can't believe this is what I'm doing with my life and that is a great platform for jumping off of and climbing out of
the hole right and so using that pain and that recognition which is very painful cuz you know that you've done it to yourself you know you know that you are the one who's caused that suffering in your life and using that pain to say I'm so sick and tired of my own behavior I'm so sick and tired of my own self-sabotage and I'm ready for something different and I don't care if it it's going to cause me discomfort if I need to push myself if I need to challenge myself I can't keep living this way
that's what happened in my life and it's what happens in the lives of so many people who struggle with addiction and start the path of recovery is that moment of saying I'm tired of living like this this isn't who I Who I Am this isn't who I'm meant to be so definitely that is the most powerful thing you can harness was it as simple for you as just stop watching it sounds like you got to a point where you had that realization you needed to stop was it as simple as quitting cold turkey not at
all that was that's the thing that is the least effective just stopping just quitting you have to start to work with what's going on inside of you you have to start to work with the mind and understand that it's not even about the substance or the behavior avior it's about the Dynamics of craving in the mind the Dynamics of seeking an escape of running away from Pain and running towards pleasure running away from from Pain and running towards Oblivion and you have to start to work with the internal dynamics of the mind that doesn't want
to have any kind of unpleasant experience cuz that's what addiction is it's running away from anything unpleasant and chasing after grasping after things that are Pleasant and so in order to really recover you have to learn some of these really important skills mental qualities of learning how to be with discomfort without running away from it learning how to be with pleasure without grasping onto it and so these are some of the key tools that I had to learn for my own recovery is in in Buddhist philosophy it's called equinity which is this ability to actually
be ground and be stable with what's happening without running away from what's unpleasant or chasing after what's Pleasant just that grounded stability of mind is really important to cultivate and then there's many other layers on top of that in terms of recovery like having accountability being in community letting go of shame I mean there's so many things that are important yeah I loved what you said about how addiction at the root cause is quite similar so a lot of this transfers to what you might be struggling with definitely it's it's really all the same it
doesn't matter it's something I really try to stress it doesn't matter if it's porn or video games or social media or exercise or validation and this is what I talked about earlier it's the the internal dynamics of craving right like wanting something and just being hooked on that good feeling and using that as a way to self-medicate and the way that we all do that with whatever it is everyone's got that kind of behavior and we just have it to different degrees and to different substances or behaviors so it doesn't it really isn't about porn
at all it's about you know just that way that we kind of run away from Pain and don't want to sit with our emotions yeah I often find sometimes I even run away from good feelings as well positive feelings like sometimes I'll find myself after a great podcast I'll run and jump on the PlayStation or something just to kind of disassociate it's really bizarre but I've I've noticed recently interesting yeah yeah yeah that's something to to dive into yeah like we we whether it's a good feeling or bad feeling sometimes they're uncomfortable it sounds like
maybe meditation or journaling would be helpful for sitting with that and overcoming that those feelings of discomfort that's entirely what meditation is I mean meditation is the training your mind to have the capacity to do some of these things so meditation is an umbrella term and there's many kinds of meditations there's love and kindness meditations compassion meditations concentration based meditations and then there's mindfulness meditation which is a very common term these days but what mindfulness really is is that capacity to be with what's happening to be aware of things that are happening in the present
moment in this non-judgmental and curious kind of way so if there's some pain in your body or in your mind you know if there's pain in the body can be knee pain back pain pain in the mind could be loneliness anxiety despair can you actually be with those experiences and actually make space for those experiences without trying to run away from them CU that's what we often do in in our life is we experience some difficult emotion and then we try to run away from it that's right and when you sit in it you realize
that it's not so scary after all and you can handle it yeah so you're an online coach what how does that typically look with your clients will they see you for one-off sessions or is it a a a more ongoing thing it's an ongoing thing it's a relationship yeah because changing some of these habits that for many men started when they were seven 8 n years old it takes time and it takes consistent work it takes showing up it takes accountability accountability is one of the most important things for recovery you know so many men
make the mistake of trying to break free on their own but they don't get any support and the problem with that is that recovery is very easy when you're motivated when you're full of you know this motivation and you say okay I'm finally going to quit I'm going to change my life it's very easy to do that in the beginning but the moment that your motivation starts to wne or you have a bad day it's very easy to slip up and if you don't have anyone holding you accountable it's very hard to stay on the
path and so that's why having a men's group having a Recovery Group having a coach or a therapist can be very helpful for staying on track even when it gets difficult I'm learning the power of accountability at the moment with a personal trainer I haven't used one before but as a someone with people pleasing Tendencies it's really helpful to have someone in your corner because if you're on the fence about doing a workout knowing that he's going to go through it later I'm definitely showing up I'm going to do a PB I need to impress
him well Jeremy it's I mean it's it's using the kind of the power of people pleasing and and our psychology to our benefit is there a facility where so your clients can meet other clients yeah so in my program we have a a private Community where people can connect with each other we have like a weekly live coaching call where people get together um because being in community is really important but aside from that you know meeting people in person is also really powerful so finding a men's group in your area can be really supportive
yeah the the power of a men's group is worth mentioning as well besides talking about addiction have you found men finding value in connecting with other men as well definitely I mean it's something we really need and we've we've lost a lot of that in our modern society which has become you know it's very secular very independent very Lone Wolf kind of I can do this on my own and we've lost some of these ways to connect with men in a genuine and vulnerable way not in a kind of broy locker room talk way but
in a way where we can be real with each other and talk about what we're struggling with and be held to a higher standard by our elders and also supported by people and say hey you've got this you can do this and I know you can do better very powerful man I just want to acknowledge you for the the beautiful work you're doing where can people find you yeah I would say uh get in touch with me through my podcast the unhooked podcast you can find it anywhere that's the best way to start listening to
all the stuff I talk about with porn addiction and and really any addiction cuz it's not just porn it's it's whatever you're struggling with in life it's all the same at the root level um you can find me on Instagram at Jeremy lipquid or just go to my website Jeremy liquid.com I'm definitely tuning in for no other reason but to just hear your dula tones very soothing voice Jeremy thank you for coming on the podcast I I look forward to connecting again it's been a pleasure cheers man
