My Dad Disowned My Sister and He Is Dying | Reddit Stories

My dad disowned my sister and he is dying. How do I convince her to let him go? Posted by you/thrower dadowned.

Backstory. My family used to be really close, but that changed in 2003 when my dad, 55M, discovered that my mom, 54F, was having an affair with John, 54M, my dad's childhood best friend. He was basically his brother back then, and he was my dad's best man in his wedding with mom.

He begged her to stay and work things out, but my mom ended up leaving him for John. Eventually, they got a divorce and my mom ended up marrying Jon 5 months later. My twin sister, Sarah, 27F, was always the stereotypical daddy's girl.

Dad spoiled her a bit more than the rest of us, and she was basically his shadow back then. That's why it was really surprising to us that Sarah chose to stay with our mom after the divorce. Back then, me, 27M, and she were the only ones still living with our parents.

We have four other brothers. I chose to stay with dad, and Sarah chose to live with mom. On the weekends, she came to stay with me and dad.

I chose to stay with dad, and I occasionally went to mom's house. To say that the divorce and my sister choosing to stay with mom messed up my dad is an understatement. He tried to act like he was okay in front of us.

But every single weekday for the year following the divorce, I could hear him cry himself to sleep. After the divorce, the relationship between Sarah and dad didn't change that much. He started to spoil her a bit more than usual and still remained the usual superdad.

Showing up at every parent teacher conference, ballet recital, and soccer match, and being the most present dad possible. Things started to change when she suddenly changed her mind about med school. Our dad is a surgeon, and she always said that she wanted to follow in his footsteps, but mom and Jon ended up pressuring her to change her career path to become a lawyer.

Mom and Jon are both lawyers. During her studies, Jon started mentoring her and they became really close. After she finished her education, he got her a job at his law firm.

On to the issue. In 2017, Sarah got married. My dad was absolutely thrilled about her wedding.

He gave Sarah a blank check for her dream wedding. To be fair, he did this for all of us. He really likes weddings.

But in Sarah's case, he was really excited because she is his only daughter. I always remembered him talking about walking her down the aisle. Like every wedding that we went to, he always said to her that he couldn't wait for the day to walk his little girl down the aisle.

One day before the wedding, Sarah dropped the bomb that Dad and Jon would be walking her down the al together. Well, Dad is the most non-confrontational person to walk on this earth, and she expected him to just suck it up. He didn't do that.

They got into a huge fight. First time I saw him get angry, and in the end, he didn't attend the wedding, and Jon ended up walking Sarah down the aisle. The fallout was massive.

After the wedding, Dad and his side of our family basically downed her, and their relationship became non-existent. She tried to reach out after a while and make amends several times, but he simply didn't want to talk or hear about her. We expected him to turn around when she gave birth in 2018, but he doesn't even want to meet her kids.

Earlier this year, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately, the treatment didn't work and he is terminal. Even with that, he still doesn't want to see her again, and she doesn't understand that.

I am very close to my dad and these last few weeks have been really difficult for me. How do I convince her to let him go? Top slrelevant comments commenter.

Was Sarah 10 years old in 2003 when she went to live with your mother? Did Sarah give a reason for why she included Jon to walk her down the aisle? Ops response.

Yes, she was. Apparently, it was my mom's idea and my sister accepted because Jon has done so much for me, which I honestly don't understand. My dad paid for her whole education.

When we moved to another city to go to college, my dad spent hours talking to her on the phone every week, and he used to travel every 15 days to see us, a three-hour flight, by the way. OP to another commenter. She has been trying to reach out since the wedding.

The problem is she knows that she messed up really bad and the regret of this whole thing is eating her alive. I was talking to my brother-in-law today and he told me that she barely sleeps, practically doesn't eat. I really don't know what to do here.

Commenter two, I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. It's a very tragic story. What are your brother's positions in all of this?

Your sister should have known that everything she did would push him very far away. Not choosing him. Accepting that check and dropping the bomb a day before is obviously the worst bit.

I am sorry for her, but her actions had deep consequences and she'll have to live with them. I would take your dad's phone and block her if that's how she's trying to make contact and then have a coffee with your sister, explaining that your dad doesn't need this kind of stress of being reminded of a child that betrayed him and disowned him first. Finally, in case you think they could still make amends, and if she hasn't tried this already, perhaps a letter from her would be accepted.

Ops response: All of my brothers understand both sides. They know how sorry she is and how much this regret is eating her alive. They know how much that whole thing hurt my dad.

The thing is, if dad had more time, he would probably make amends with her. But the thing is, he really doesn't, and that sucks so effing bad. OP to another commenter.

Oh, I really don't think he is possessive over her. I really don't think he judged her for staying with mom. He was just sad he doesn't get to see her more often.

They were together since they were 12 and 13 years old. You know, the divorce was really rough on him. She has been trying to talk to him since that day.

They haven't seen each other since the wedding. The thing is, if he did have a bit more time, I think he would end up forgiving her because she is really sorry, but he simply doesn't have that much time. Update 6 weeks later.

Some people asked for an update. Unfortunately, life isn't all about happy endings. This is a sad ending.

A week after I posted the original post, my dad started getting worse. His health started declining really fast. We lost him exactly one month ago.

It wasn't pretty. I never thought it would be, but I never thought it would be that heartbreaking. He was in a lot of pain.

He had been through so much in these last months. As heartbreaking as it was for us, he deserved to rest. He was tired.

In the end, he was lucid enough to say his goodbyes to me and my older brothers. Hearing him say what he said to me was one of the most painful and beautiful moments of my life. His words to me meant a lot.

I won't say exactly what he said because I believe that it's just too personal. He said goodbye to my daughters 11 months old and 2 years old. It was just like when I was a kid.

He gave them a kiss on the forehead, told them to be good girls, and said that he loved them. It was something I won't ever forget, and it hurts like hell that they are so young to understand what happened. They still ask about grandpa and every time I try to explain to them that he isn't coming back, they don't seem to understand that.

And how can I blame them? I'm only 27 years old. I honestly don't get it.

I was supposed to get a lot more years with my dad. It doesn't seem fair at all. The worst part was my twin sister Sarah.

Dad died without speaking to her. I tried to talk to him about her, but he wasn't interested in speaking with her. She started getting more desperate and suddenly he died.

It was expected, but she was in denial. His funeral was beautiful. A lot of people shared their stories about him.

It was nice. Sarah saw dad for the first time since the night before her wedding. She didn't recognize him.

He was very skinny. Dad was always a bit overweight. The famous dad bod, but he had lost a lot of weight from cancer.

She cried a lot during the whole funeral. Mom and John tried to show up at the ceremony, and my uncles were forced to kick them out of the funeral. Good effing riddens.

Dad's will as expected as it could. Dad's family came from old money, petrochemicals. So, he always had a lot of money.

He left a little bit of money and properties divided equally to all his kids, including Sarah. He left a trust fund, which was a lot of money, for all his grandkids, including Sarah's kids, which he never met. It was honestly expected.

My dad never really cared about money that much. He just wanted us to be comfortable and assure that his grandkids all had something to support them. The tricky part was the personal things.

He left a really big letter to all of us, except Sarah. It was really personal stuff. In my letter, he spoke to me about our story, about my childhood.

It was really nice. I must have read the letter like a hundred times and I cried every single time. One of dad's favorite hobbies was photography.

He was quite an enthusiast and the subject of his photos was pretty much our family. When he and mom were together later, it turned out to be just me and my siblings. As a result of this, we had a lot of pictures from us growing up.

He gave each of us a photo album and behind each photo, he wrote something where it was taken in a few words. I was honestly very surprised with this. He must have done this long before he died.

It was a very thoughtful goodbye gift, something that was very typical of dad. Sarah didn't get a letter and her album didn't have anything written behind her photos. When she found out about this, she had a mental breakdown.

The regret was eating her alive. Still is. She was admitted to a hospital and spent an entire week there.

She is doing a bit better now, getting a little better every day. Her husband and I are really confident in her recovery. She is sleeping and eating almost normally now.

She still starts to cry randomly multiple times on a daily basis, but it's getting better. At least that's what I am telling myself. Which brings us to last week.

My wife and I discovered that we are expecting again. It wasn't planned or anything like that. My wife switched birth controls last month and she spent a week without taking the pill.

It is still very early in her pregnancy, so we haven't told anyone yet. The thing is that I'm really angry. I'm angry that my future kid is not going to be able to meet dad.

I'm effing pissed. Honestly, it doesn't seem fair at all. I'm angry and I'm scared.

My dad was supposed to guide me in the whole parenthood process. He was teaching me a lot of things with my daughters. I'm effing scared of doing this without him.

I'm scared of not being a good father like he was to me because my kids deserve that. This is it, folks. This whole situation could be a lot better.

I play the what if scenario in my head every day. Unfortunately, it doesn't change anything. This is honestly a bitter ending.

Doesn't seem fair at all. But that's the thing about life. It's actually never fair.

I want to thank everyone who gave me advice and to everyone who reached out and offered their support in the chat. I was very lonely at that time. Still am.

Haha. F this year. Honestly, it meant a lot to me.

Thank you. Reddit top/relevant comments. Commenter: This whole situation is sad.

Ops response. It really is. Commenter 2: Wow.

The sheer arrogance it took for your mom and stepdad to show up at your dad's funeral is hard to fathom. What did they think was going to happen? Oh, hey everyone.

Everybody knows we betrayed and caused more pain to this man than even his cancer. But hey, we wanted to be here and give our condolences to our former husband and best friend. I'm sorry your twin sister didn't get to make amends with your dad.

But what was she thinking when she wanted the man who caused the destruction of her parents' marriage to walk her down the aisle with her dad? Choices have consequences and she is dealing with them now. What is your sister's relationship like with you and your brothers or the rest of the family?

Ops response, we are all very close. I am particularly close with her because well, we are twins, shared a womb and stuff, but our older brothers love her and she loves them as well. She was always a bit spoiled by them.

the privilege of being the only girl in the family. Downvoted commenter three. Are you sure who your sister's biological dad is?

Ops response. I mean, I'm definitely dad's son and I shared a womb with Sarah. I also have the same eye color as dad, blue.

I also have the same hair color as dad, blonde, and the same height. But most importantly, I am also pale as f, while Jon is very black. He is 100% not my father.

Downvoted commenter four. I'm sorry to say that, but your dad doesn't seem like a good person. He expected praise from your sister, who was manipulated and raised by your mother, who probably told her a completely different story about her relationship with Jon.

Probably something about true love. And seeing how your father never said anything, this only strengthened your mom's version. Never explaining or talking to your daughter, but then expecting her to know exactly what happened is just a jerk move.

He wasn't about forgiveness. He wanted her to hurt her whole life and punish her for something her mother was responsible for. This is such a cruel move.

Ops response. She knew the whole story. Our parents' divorce was as civil as possible, but she knew about the whole thing.

It's not like it was a family secret or anything like that. My older brothers and I told her before the wedding that this was a bad move. That she was pouring salt on dad's wound.

She didn't listen. Commenter five, so at no point do we find out why she did what she did. Commenter six, nothing concrete.

No. Reading between the lines, I have my own interpretation. Op says that Sarah was pressured into becoming a lawyer as well as that Sarah is easygoing and that she expected her father to also be easygoing when it came to the wedding.

What I imagine is that Sarah values peace over drama and like many peacemakers views the people who disrupt the peace and don't take things lying down as the ones making the problems instead of the people stirring crap. In this case, her mother and stepfather. Her father was always the one making allowances for how she was being put in the middle.

And she came to take that for granted instead of recognizing that the people making her life harder were the ones in the wrong. And she views herself as innocent because she is not the one pushing these choices even though she is the one accepting them. Conflict avoidance is a character flaw.