Mom Wants Me to Be Her Copy

I struggled against the ropes, feeling the chair roll slightly beneath me. A cold breeze hit my face, and even my toes felt cold. Wait, were my shoes off? Hello? Is anyone there? If this is a prank show, you guys took it way too far. Suddenly, the blindfold was yanked from my face, and I realized I was on a rooftop with no boundary walls. And standing before me was a tall woman smiling like she was about to enjoy torturing me. Josie Hart. So you're Alexander Kingston's new girlfriend. Though I cannot understand why he dates so beneath

his league. Uh yeah, I I get why you're confused. I really do. But that's no reason to kidnap me. We can discuss this on the ground floor of a really nice cafe. my treat. [Music] My heart jumped into my throat as she kicked my chair closer to the edge. How much do you love Alexander? Oh my god. Are you one of his exes? I swear I don't love him and I know he doesn't even like me. We're just pretend dating. >> Pretend dating? >> Yes. Completely fake. Why would he date me for real? I'm no

one important. I can't even pass the bar exam. I failed three times. >> Yes, I did a background check. I know you're a loser. Also, you're just as heavy as you look in your pictures. I thought the camera was adding 10 lb. Look, you obviously don't relate, but some of us eat carbs when we're stressed. Like, I could really use a family-sized bag of chips right now. Please stop. Why are you ruining your lovely goat buzz kicking me around? >> My what? You know your go to buzz? My sister has the same designer heels. I'd

hate for you to scuff them. Okay, I'm shutting up. Just tell me what you want. Josie, since you're suddenly Alexander Kingston's new sweetheart, vague or real, I don't care. You're going to help us retrieve something from him. Something like his soul, his dignity. He lost that the moment he met me. Lols. No. He recently bought an artifact at an auction that once belonged to our family, and it holds something very important to us. >> What sentimental value? Sorry. Humor is my coping mechanism. She smiled coldly, then gave my chair another nudge. My feet dangled over

the rooftop's edge. Oh my god. I'll get the artifact. I'll rob him blind. I'll even lose 10 lbs. Don't let me die. I haven't arranged anyone to glare my browser history. And please don't let my family find my body in these stockings. Wondering how I ended up like this? Literally hanging on to dear life. Let me rewind and show you exactly how I became the mafia's most unimpressive hostage. Not that my life's been smooth sailing before this, but things seriously started spiraling last month. The morning I had my third attempt at the bar exam. And

it's not like I'm dumb or something. It's just that whenever I'm under pressure, my brain decides to take a hike. That morning, I jolted awake to total silence, instantly realizing my alarm didn't go off because Lord Voldem had drowned my phone in his water bowl. Why do you hate me? I picked you up from the garbage and made you a prince. I grabbed my bag and bolted out the door. Of course, I missed the bus, stole my 7-year-old neighbor's tricycle, pedled furiously to the exam venue, and still didn't make it on time. The security guard

just wouldn't let me in. Please, I'm begging you. I'll name my firstborn after you. Actually, I can change Lord Voldemo's name today. He just stared at me like I was crazy and walked off. As I sank to my knees in despair, I noticed a guy approaching me with a smile. Oh god, he's cute. >> This fell out of your bag. >> Can you please just walk away and pretend you never met me? As if I hadn't had enough humiliation for a year, the next evening, I had Thanksgiving dinner with my family. My very accomplished, very

overachieving family. Okay, everyone, let's take turns saying what we're thankful for. Please just let the turkey explode or something. I'm thankful your father and I just completed our groundbreaking anti-aging research on mice. In a few years, we'll look young enough for people to mistake Josie for our mom. My older sister, Emily, smiled smugly. I'm thankful I got to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming an astronaut and going to space this year. They say the sky's is the limit, but clearly it's not. Cousin Ava chirped in next. I'm thankful I married the love of my life

in a magical castle wedding in Scotland. Fairy tale dreams do come true. Next, my brother Lucas announced, >> "I'm thankful that Forbes listed me in their 30 under 30 again." >> Oh, for crying out loud. Then everyone turned to me. I'm thankful that this is the year I decided to grow my own herbs. The parsley and basil keep dying on me, but the mint is thriving. I have it with my instant noodles, my eggs, of course. It's great with chocolate, makes good tea, and I have minty fresh breath all the time. >> Josie, honey, your

time will come, too. >> Thanks, Dad. You make me sound like an avocado waiting to ripen. Speaking of unripened avocados, we heard you tanked the bar exam again. How did that remind you of that? Anything interesting going on in your love life to distract you from your career failures? As everyone stared at me, I felt my cheeks and neck burning. Just then, I spotted the muted TV behind dad's head. Alexander Kingston was on screen, smiling and shaking hands at some charity gala. He was the billionaire heir who had just returned to town to take over

his family's luxury hotel empire. My best friend Mia, who worked as a secretary in his office, was swooning over him like 24/7. And suddenly, words I didn't know my brain had decided on, flew out of my mouth. Oh, actually, yes, I am dating someone, and it's pretty serious. It's him. Him? Who? Josie, imaginary boyfriends are only cute when you're 5 years old. >> Him, Alexander Kingston. I was both thrilled and a little offended at the disbelief on everyone's faces. The guy on TV right now. >> Yep, that's my boyfriend. My very serious boyfriend of 3

months. Mia works for him. She introduced us. We've been keeping it on the down low cuz he's a public figure. So, keep it to yourselves for now. But I'll send pictures of us in the family group chat. Surely I could bribe me into getting me a few chummy selfies with him. >> Uh, wow. Can't wait. Also, I'm visiting your town next week. I'd love to meet him. Even better. He'd love to meet you, too. Oh, God. What had I just done? Of course. The next logical step was to fall on my knees and beg Mia

for help. Josie, it's not like he's the cute barista down the street. He has bodyguards and he already has a restraining order against a stalker. Mia, I know I messed up, but my psychotically perfect family has a way of pushing me over the edge. Now, what happens when Emily turns up next week? Well, I'll just have to dump him by then, won't I? We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, I have to show them something or look like an even bigger loser for lying. Fine. The event photographer at Alexander's Gala tomorrow called

in sick. I can give you her badge. Please don't make me lose my job and just act normal for once. Oh, please. Normal is my middle name. Okay, it's actually Lauren, but close enough, right? I promise I'll be the picture of normalness. The next evening, I was wobbling around the glamorous gala in a gown, lugging a camera I borrowed from my neighbor. I just had to inch my way close to Alexander, take his pictures, and then request a few selfies. I could act convincingly like I was covering the event. How hard could it be? I

aimed the camera at a couple having a heated discussion and snapped a series of blinding photos. Excuse me. Does it look like I want the moment my marriage is falling apart to be captured on camera? >> Oh, I am so sorry. You're just so photogenic when you're frowning. Carry on. I quickly turned away and snapped another random picture, startling an elderly man and causing his drink to spill down his tux. Oops, my apologies. Great shot, though. Very fluid and dynamic. Realizing my lens was smudged, I decided to clean it. And then I accidentally set the

flash off in my face. I staggered backwards, then tripped on my gown and crashed into someone, pushing us both straight into a 12ft flower arrangement. Before I could catch my breath, I was lifted off the ground by men in suits, and I realized the person I'd crashed into was Alexander Kingston. A moment later, I found myself seated in a back room. Alexander, glaring at me. >> What's the name of your agency? I swear I'm going to fire that secretary of mine. >> No, no, please don't. I found out the photographer hired for the event was

sick, and I stole her badge. >> Why? Who are you? The paparazzi? I need to know who sent you. >> I I sent myself. Listen, I'm Josie Hart and I just need a couple of selfies with you where you need to look like you're rather fond of me, even in love, maybe. So, you can't be glaring at me the way you are right now. >> What? See, this is all because my mother is Benjamin Button, and my dad called me an unripe avocado. And my sister's an actual astronaut, my cousin's a Disney princess, and my

brother is Elon Musk. And all I've got is enough mint to start a toothpaste factory, a garbage cat, and a pretend billionaire boyfriend. And that's sort of where you come in, you lucky guy. >> Pretend. >> I may have accidentally told my family we were dating. Just a little bit. And you picked me because you have a crush on me or something. >> No, your face was on the TV screen at that moment. And trust me, it was exactly as random as all of this sounds. >> You're insane. >> Really? No one's ever said that

to me before. He turned away and walked over to his bodyguards, saying something to them in hush tones, which made me even more nervous. Eventually, he came back and sat down opposite me. >> Fine, Josie Hart. I'll be your boyfriend. Ah, you'll what now? >> So, the thing is my ex fiance dumped me a few months ago. >> Wow, that's rough. I guess we're both losers. No, only I'm a loser. >> Here's the deal. I'll be your fake boyfriend, and you'll help me show her I've moved on. It'll be extra intriguing for her thinking it's

someone like you. >> What was that supposed to mean? Nothing good, I was certain. Are you serious? completely. Think you can walk back into the party without tripping over your face? >> We're really doing this right now. >> That's why you came, isn't it? Are you in or out? >> My heart was hammering as Alexander led me back to the gala. The room fell quiet. Hundreds of curious eyes on us. >> Sorry about the interruption earlier, everyone. Allow me to officially introduce my girlfriend, Josie Hart, a talented event photographer. We've been keeping our relationship very

private up until now. So, my security team tonight mistook her for an asalent. As you can see, she has a habit of crashing into things. And that's how we met a few months ago when she crashed into me and spilled her coffee all over my favorite suit. >> The crowd laughed and started talking excitedly. And suddenly, there were cameras flashing everywhere. I plastered on a smile, hoping I didn't look as nauseous as I felt. You're smiling like the freaking Joker. Just act normal. >> I wish I understood what that means. >> Oh, one more thing,

Josie. Please don't go and fall in love with me. Okay. >> Like I'm that cliched. He smirked and placed a hand on my back, making my heart skip a beat. Get a grip, girl. The moment Alexander publicly declared me his girlfriend, my life turned into a media frenzy. Within hours, every news outlet was obsessed with my awkward deer in the headlights expression. And my phone nearly exploded from non-stop messages from my family congratulating me like I'd won the Nobel Peace Prize. And Mia showed up the next evening at my apartment looking frazzled. Seriously, your fake

billionaire boyfriend got you bodyguards already? I had to answer 10 personal questions about you before those trolls let me into the building. I answered six of them wrong, by the way. Those guys are idiots. >> Sorry, Mia. I've had paparazzi following me everywhere. Things have gone completely nuts. I swear it's not my fault. >> You literally crashed his gallet and then crashed into him. This is entirely your fault. The next morning, an entire glam squad invaded my tiny apartment. Apparently, Alexander's PR team insisted I needed a makeover, which was very painful. Hours later, strapped and

took a tour tighter than a vacuum-sealed frozen turkey, I waddled toward Alexander when he came to pick me up for the next event. >> Wow, you look different. >> Good. Different? It better be after all the hell I've been through. >> Yeah, you look good. But there was nothing wrong with you before. >> Did he really mean that? Doubt it. I took a deep breath. Or at least I tried. Wondering how I'd manage to trade my simple life for suffocating clothes, glamorous parties, and national scrutiny. Though, it didn't feel half bad being on the arm

of someone like Alexander. He was smart, charming, confident, and he could give Henry Caval a run for his money. His smile was as bright as Emily's future, and his eyes deeper than my regrets after eating a whole cheesecake. If Mary Poppins pulled out her measuring tape for him, he would measure practically perfect in every way. This guy didn't have a weakness. Boy, was I wrong. Ow, Alexander, you're crushing my ring finger. You know, I might need it one day despite my family's doubts. >> I'm so sorry. It's just that Well, gosh, Serena's here. >> I

followed his gaze to a girl who was a dreamy vision in lilac chiffon. Of course, his ex looked like America's Next Top Model, and he looked like a pale, sweaty loser right now. >> Oh god, she saw me. She's coming this way. >> Jane, what do I say? What do I do? What's happening to my voice? >> It's Josie. And please wipe that sweat off your upper lip, clear your throat, and be cool. >> Is calling a girl shorty still cool? Like, hey shorty. Or like, hey shorty. Please don't say that to anyone ever. Up

close, Serena was even more poreless. She just ignored me as she swooped in to kiss Alexander on the cheek and then fixed his collar. Alexander, you look good. The shade of blue always did bring out your eyes. >> Uh, thank you. You look great in lilac, too. Well, I don't know if there's a color you wouldn't look good in. >> Lime yellow. She would look like she has jaundice. You're welcome, babe. Hi, Sabrina. I'm Josie, Alexander's girlfriend. >> It's Serena. And really? I just thought it was a paparazzi scandal. I mean, wow, that's surprising. So,

how did you two meet? Well, like all good stories, ours starts from a mental asylum, too. >> She doesn't mean that. She's not really crazy. >> I didn't mean I'm from a mental asylum. I'd just gone to the mental asylum to see my aunt Hilda like I do weekly and the staff told me she'd somehow managed to run away and I had to go to the police station to file a report. But on the way I stopped for a caramel latte and then it hit me. Uh, you figured out where your aunt went? No. A

ball hit me. Some kids were playing in the coffee shop and it hit me on the back of my head. I lost my balance and fell straight into someone's arms. Guess who that was? I'll give you a hint. It's not Aunt Hilda. I'm guessing it was Alexander. >> 10 points for Seline. Yes, that's how we met. And we've been inseparable ever since. >> Right. Well, you're very unique, Josie. Not Alexander's usual type. Maybe he was looking in all the wrong places before. Because we're definitely soulmates. We love all the same things. We practically finish each

other's >> uh sentences. >> No, silly. Sandwiches. You know those sandwiches you love, but you can never finish them, so I have to eat yours, too. >> Oh, yeah. I'm so lucky I never have to feel guilty about wasting food again. >> Well, Alexander, I hope we can catch up some more soon. She squeezed his arm gently and gave him a look before walking away. Well, someone's regretting dumping you now. You're welcome. >> Oh, thank God. I wasn't just imagining it. She was flirting with me, right, Josie? This is fantastic. I think I have a

chance with her. >> You want her back? I thought you just wanted to rub your relationship in her face like a mature adult. >> Yes. And if she's jealous, it means she still cares about me. And you just saw her, right? Why wouldn't I want her back? >> Why were men so dumb? And as luck would have it, Serena was seated at our table. Well, practically seated in the lap of a very good-looking, very Italian guy at our table. >> No, babe. It's pronounced cupcake. >> Ah, cupcake. >> Has anyone ever told you that you're

just too cute? Alexander pulled me close to him and brushed some hair away from my ear. >> Please smile like I'm whispering sweet nothings to you. Now listen, there's no way she's dating that guy for real. She's just trying to make me jealous after seeing us together. It's working. So, keep acting like the world's most affectionate girlfriend. Okay, >> seriously, weddings are just so romantic. Babe, do you remember that magical sunset in Capri when we kissed for the first time? Boo Boo, do you remember that time we watched that sunset on YouTube because we were

too busy cuddling on the couch? And what was it? our 10th kiss. Serena definitely looked annoyed and then she started feeding Lorenzo chocolatecovered strawberries. I shoved a bread stick in Alexander's mouth who started choking. You make every day feel like Valentine's Day. I feel so loved. You make every day feel like uh Thanksgiving. I feel stuffed and sleepy. Lorenzo gave me this bracelet of rare blue diamonds. When they catch the moonlight, they reflect constellations that can only be seen from his family's private villa in Tuskanyany. Wow, fancy. Alexander gave me this watch from Target. If

you press this button, it lights up neon green. And if I angle it just right, it blinds pigeons. >> That's your own watch, Josie. >> They don't know that. Suddenly, Serena rose from the table and glided over to the wedding band, grabbing the mic. There's so much love in the air tonight, and I can't help getting caught up in it. I want to dedicate a song to the guy in my life, my handsome Italian boyfriend, Lorenzo. I rolled my eyes, but her annoyingly pitch perfect rendition of I will always love you had the whole crowd

in tears. As the applause died, Serena gave me a look that made my blood run cold. Oh no. And now I'd like to ask my friend Josie to sing something for the man in her life. >> Oh, no. No, I can't. >> Josie, you have to. Please. >> I walked over to the mic with jelly legs. >> She wears short skirts. I wear t-shirts. She's cheer captain. And I'm on the bleachers dreaming about the day when you wake up to find what you've been here. Yeah, you belong to me. >> My face burned as I

saw guests visibly cringing. When I stopped, there was complete silence, and I dropped the mic and ran off. As I caught my breath outside the wedding hall, Alexander came out, too. >> Hey, it wasn't that bad. Honestly, it was cuteish. >> Oh, shut up, Alexander. I sounded like a dying seagull. You made me make an absolute fool of myself. Do you think Serena's impressed with your idiot girlfriend? I >> I'm sorry. I really thought it. >> Thought what? If you made Serena think you'd moved on with some loser, you'd have her attention again? How pathetic

are you? Chasing after someone who broke your heart and is still playing games with you? Or are you so blind that you can't even see it? >> Listen, >> which one is it? Pathetic or blind? >> Josie, >> no. You can go embarrass yourself chasing Serena. I won't stick around to be humiliated anymore. Before he could respond, I stormed off. As my heels clicked furiously on the pavement, I barely had time to notice the black van screeching to a halt beside me. The door suddenly opened and a pair of arms yanked me inside. Then suddenly,

everything went dark. And when I regained consciousness, I found myself hanging off a rooftop with my life flashing before my eyes. After which I was dragged down into a room with expensive villain layer vibes. I was seated at a table and the woman sat opposite placing a file in front of me. Open it. Oh, cool. Is this your scrapbook of people you've murdered and enjoy revisiting in your free time? Cuz same, girl. Same. When I came across a photo of a shiny jewel encrusted egg straight from a fairy tale, she placed a blood red fingernail

on it. This This is what I want. Okay, but why would Alexander even buy this? because that is a one-of-a-kind fabraier egg crafted for royalty once worth over $30 million and currently holds a drive with information that could destroy a lot of powerful people. And Alexander knows about this drive. Highly unlikely. He probably just bought it because it's expensive and shiny. God, rich people are wild. We don't know where Alexander is keeping it. So, who better to find it for us than his girlfriend? You have one week. Okay, but like I'm not very competent. There

is a high chance I'll trip up. Literally and figuratively. Josie, what do you want from life? >> Uh, you mean existentially? Like inner peace, a sense of purpose, that kind of thing? Or more practically, like a personal jacuzzi, soft serve machine, affordable skin care. You get me that egg and I'll make sure you pass that bar exam. I have an exceptional skincare line, too. You can get free supplies for life. Seriously, you don't. And we kill your whole super cool overachieving family and then you slowly. Okay, that escalated fast, but also wow, really motivating. By

the way, is there a name I can call you by? Sure. Black Orchid. Cool. You can call me Blue Spinster. I don't know why I said that. Jos's fine. And 10 minutes later, I was dumped behind a taco truck. So, I had 7 days to betray my fake boyfriend. I may or may not be developing feelings for steal an invaluable egg and somehow not die in the process. Easy peasy. Alexander turned up the next day at my apartment with a cheesecake and an apology. >> I may be a fool for Serena, but I should never

have pushed you the way I did. >> I overreacted, too. I mean, this was the deal, right? Being your fake girlfriend to make your ex jealous. >> Yeah, but we can end this if it's too much for you. Oh, no. I'm fine. I'll have a lot of disappointment to face when my family finds out this relationship has ended, but maybe we can keep it up a little longer. Just don't ask me to sing in public again. >> Not even in private. >> Just a week more and I'd be out of his life for good. Knowing

how hung up he really was over Serena, I knew I had to guard my feelings and just keep my eye on the ball. The egg. I mean, I had free access to Alexander's mansion. And while I went there under the pretense of taking a dip in the pool or relaxing in his home theater, I took every chance I could to snoop around. And after 3 days of exploration, I knew he owned more cashmere sweaters than anyone could ever need, only had books about how to become a successful person, and like all rich people, loved horses.

But no egg in sight. I still had to explore the study where he held his meetings. So, one evening when he was out of town, I snuck in. I was going through the cupboards when my phone started ringing loudly. Gosh, what is this volume? Lord Voldem's work. Of course, it was Emily calling. Ew. Hey, M. Hi, Josie. Mom, Dad, and I just landed in town for a conference, and we'd love to meet your boyfriend. We're free tomorrow evening. Does that sound good? >> Uh, I guess. Just let me check with Alexander. >> Well, I've made

a reservation at a trendy new French beastro for 7 tomorrow, so see you both there. >> Then why'd you even ask? But she'd already hung up. I took a deep breath and refocused on my mission. As I had my head stuck up the fireplace, I suddenly heard loud voices from the hallway outside. One of them definitely sounded like Alexander. He wasn't supposed to be back till midnight. I had no time to hide. Oh god. Think of any excuse, dummy. Just then, the door burst open and in jumped Alexander Kingston. Wearing a velvet cape, a shiny

breastplate on his bare chest, and a full VR headset on his face. >> Who dares enter the realm of Zorg Lord, defender of the sky kingdom? He swung his fake sword around aggressively and impaled a poor ficus. Okay, so I was right in front of his face and he had no idea I was here. I wasn't used to such incredible luck. I tiptoed to the door and was almost there when suddenly he came charging straight at me and before I could dodge him, he crashed into me and we were both on the ground. >> Oh,

I think I've cracked a rib. Josie, what what the heck are you doing here? >> What are you doing here? You said you were out of town. And seriously, what are you doing, Zorg Lord? >> It's a stress relief program recommended by my therapist. >> Level three, Battle for the Sorcerer's Amulet. Cool therapist. Love the costume, too. That breastplate is so shiny and so plastic. >> It's a fully immersive experience. [Music] Okay, fine. I'm into cosplaying and video games. It helps me blow steam, and I really needed it today. Serena messaged in the morning about

wanting to meet. I've just been so nervous that I canceled everything and decided to relax at home. Can you please forget everything you just saw? There it was. That ping I felt hearing Serena's name. Trust me, I'm going to go home and stick my head in the microwave or something. Um, listen. I kind of have a favor to ask. My family's in town and they want to have dinner with us tomorrow. >> Of course, I'll be there. >> You don't have a ribbon cutting gala or a yacht launching ceremony or Comic-Con? >> I'm available, Josie.

See you tomorrow. And don't tell anyone about this. >> Your secrets are safe with me. Oh, mighty killer of fuses and defender of the sky realms. I was almost at the mansion gate when I realized I'd left my bag in the study. I went back for it and that's when I saw it. Alexander was at the far end of the study, standing in front of a sleek panel I hadn't noticed before. Suddenly, a small circle lit up and beeped as it scanned his eye. Then a click. A smooth, dark wooden door opened, and Alexander stepped

inside. And I decided to leave without my bag. Seriously, a retinal scan? How was I supposed to get in there? I had to postpone thinking about it for another day because I had that family dinner to get through. They seemed super impressed by Alexander, but I knew they'd find ways to put me down soon enough. You should get appetizer number two, Josie. You always loved that one. Remember? I knew exactly what she was doing. You get it, M. But it's your favorite. Go on, order it. >> Fine. >> Uh, we'll have the char ch char

cut chur cha chiri board. Some things never change. Jos's tongue always did get tangled over the simplest things. >> Honestly, I couldn't pronounce it for years either. Once at a business dinner, I asked for the shark cutie platter, and the waiter stared at me like I'd requested a raw dolphin. As we all laughed, Alexander squeezed my hand under the table. [Music] >> I really have to say, Alexander, you're the most normal guy she's ever dated. Josie has such a unique dating history. >> Remember that magician, Josie? What was his name? Danny, the disappearing boyfriend? >>

Oh, and that clown who made balloon animals? Besides the fact that he had no future, I liked him. Speaking of no future, Josie, are you thinking about taking the bar exam again? >> You should, honey. They say fourth times the charm. >> No, Dad. The third time's the charm. And well, that's fast. You know, you should think of a career change. I mean, it's not like your career's even started yet, right? Alexander set his fork down on his plate a little too hard. Jos's one of the smartest people I've ever met, and she knows what

she's doing with her life. You all seem to have an unhealthy obsession with her, which I kind of get. I'm obsessed, too. I feel lucky she picked me out of all the billionaires in the world. >> I almost choked on my drink. Yeah, it was between you and that prince from Monaco, but he didn't have the waffle station in his kitchen. >> See, Josie knows exactly what she wants and isn't afraid to go for it. If I wasn't already halfway in love with Alexander, that dinner might have pushed me over the edge. The only thing

standing in my way now was Serena, a retinal scan, a Fabra egg, and a mafia woman who was dressed to kill. Oh god, what was she doing here? She gestured at me to come outside. I made an excuse to go to the bathroom and joined her and her goons across the street. Way to blend in, guys. You look like the Grim Reaper's PR team. We just came from a man's funeral. Beautiful ceremony. Cost stayed closed for good reason. Wonderful. I'm sure he didn't suffer. Not for long, anyway. Uh, okay. So, progress update. I think I

might know where that Fabricche egg is. I discovered a hidden room in his study, but it requires his retinal scan. The mafia woman drew out a Swiss Army knife from her bag and tossed it to me. >> That's easy. Just take his eyeball out. >> You know, I mean no disrespect, but your sense of humor is terrible. She smiled and reached into her bag again, this time tossing me a sleek device. This is a portable retinal scanner. Just hold it close to his eye without him noticing. That's not even the weirdest thing I've done this

month. Good girl. Oh, and Josie, you're doing so well. Don't make us go to more funerals. >> Later, after we'd said goodbye to my family, Alexander and I took a walk around the block. >> So, tough crowd. I understand why you lied about dating a billionaire now, >> right? They really know how to push my buttons. Thank you for everything you said today. I didn't know you could be so charmingly passive aggressive. >> Didn't say anything I didn't mean. Except for the shuderie part. As you can see, I can pronounce it just fine. >> Didn't

doubt that for a second. As he smiled at me warmly, I felt my heart sink. It was getting so much harder to steal from him. I didn't sleep a wink that night, trying to think of ways I could casually scan Alexander's eyeball. But the universe must have taken pity on me because the next morning Mia called. Alexander's sick. Like full-blown flu, delirious with fever kind of sick. He just called to cancel everything and then asked me to buy a thousand lottery tickets. I mean, what? I dropped everything, grabbed soup, and headed straight to the mansion.

It felt wrong to be this excited about someone's immune system collapsing, but this was my chance. He opened his bedroom door, dressed in dinosaur pajamas. >> Hey, it's Josie. You're glowing, girl. Glowing like a fireflyy's butt. >> Okay. Wow, you're very sick. >> What? No, I feel great. I took four of those green pills or maybe six. I don't know. >> I guided him to the couch and handed him the soup. He immediately spilled half of it on his lap. Oh no, my thighs. Are they burning? Was that soup hot? >> No, it got cold

on the way. You're fine. >> Why would you bring me cold soup, Josie? Why? >> I sighed. Got him some paper napkins to clean up and sat beside him. >> You smell like lavender and betrayal. >> Uh, what now? Oh, that's just my shampoo. It's called floral deception. Ah, >> that's nice. You know what, Josie? I'm very confused about Serena. She wants me back, but I don't know. Sometimes I'm not sure if I really love her. >> That made me freeze. >> She never really made me feel good about myself. You know, it's not like

it's with you. With you, things are easy. I don't feel like I have to prove anything. I can just be a regular guy. Can you clean my nose? >> Well, Serena's perfect. She'd make anyone feel like they're not good enough. And I'm a walking talking disaster. So, I probably make people feel better about themselves. Like, hey, at least my life's not as messy as Jos's. Or, I've got it more together than she does. He sat up suddenly, grabbing me by the shoulders. >> Don't say that. You're amazing, Josie. You're funny and smart and pretty and

you have these eyes that make me want to do stupid things like kiss you right now. >> Okay. Whoa. This isn't real. It's just the meds talking. >> No, really. I want to kiss you unless you don't want to, which is fine. >> My heart was pounding and I defo wanted to kiss him. But I had to stay laser focused. If you're serious, then look deep into my eyes first. His gaze locked onto mine like a lovesick puppy, and then I whipped out the scanner and hovered it near his eyeball. >> Did Did something just

beep? >> What beep? No, you're just hearing things, sweetie. You should sleep. He leaned in suddenly with his lips puckered. He kissed some air and passed out face first in my lap, snoring like a walrus. Mission accomplished. But did he really mean that about Serena and what he said about me? Gh. Even if he liked me, I was stealing his egg. We could never work out as a couple. I put a blanket over him and then made my way towards the study. Once inside, I locked the door, stepped up to the hidden panel, and whipped

out the scanner with Alexander's retinal image saved on it. There was a click. Yes. And the door opened. At the end of a small passageway, was a room full of collector's items. But in the center, covered with a glass box, was a glittering fabra egg. Okay, I really didn't think an egg could be so pretty. I lifted the glass cover like I was diffusing a bomb, then carefully picked up the egg and made my way back to the study. Great. There was no way this thing was fitting in my handbag. I spotted a trash can

filled with tissues and receipts. So, I put the egg in and slung the trash bag over my shoulder. But I barely made it 10 steps down the hallway before a housekeeper appeared out of nowhere. >> Ma'am, why are you taking out the trash? Here, let me >> No, you stay away. I mean, this bag is full of Alexander's highly contaminated tissues. It really doesn't look like the regular flu. His snot has a weird color. I've already been exposed, so I'll just dispose it off somewhere. You stay healthy, drink orange juice, and yeah, bye. I burst

into my apartment, locked the door shut, and collapsed onto the floor. Once I caught my breath, I took the glittering egg out and with baited breath, I opened it. It was empty. I turned it around and upside down, but I couldn't see anything concealed anywhere. My lifespan has probably gone down 7 years with the amount of stress I've dealt with this week. And for what? I tried to calm down and tilted the egg one more time. And that's when I saw a barely visible seam near the base. I pressed gently and a tiny compartment popped

open. Inside was a micro USB drive. Well, hello there, my sneaky little friend. What are you hiding? I plugged the drive into my laptop and files exploded onto the screen. folders with names of politicians, celebrities, judges, details of offshore bank accounts, and more zeros in those accounts than my eyes could even make sense of. It didn't take a genius to figure out that this was very incriminating evidence of very highlevel corruption. And in the middle of all this, the word Kingston suddenly glared at me like a neon sign. Alexander's grandfather was on the list. Oh

my god. Alexander doesn't even know this egg's got evidence that could turn his family to toast. Oh no. You get off this laptop, Lord Voldem. I can't have you accidentally uploading this to Facebook. My week wasn't up yet. And I tossed and turned all night wondering what I was supposed to do. And I reached the conclusion that I had to tell Alexander the truth. I just couldn't hand over information about his family like that. The next morning, I went to the sketchiest cafe on the outskirts of town in disguise and messaged him my location, telling

him it was urgent. When he arrived, he kept looking around and was walking straight past my table when I grabbed his arm. >> Hey, what the uh Josie, what are you doing? >> Sit down. Act natural. >> Says my fake girlfriend in disguise. Okay, whatever this is, it better be good. I still have fever and now I'm also coughing up fleg. Alexander, I stole your egg. >> Uh, you mean from the kitchen? You can take as many as you want. >> No, that big glittery thing hidden in the vault you open with your eyeball. That

egg. Alexander's eyes grew wide and then his face twisted with anger. >> You did what? >> Shh. Don't make a scene. >> You thought it was a good idea to talk about this here? >> Yes, a very smart idea. You can't scream or throw things at me in public, >> Josie. How? What? Uh, where do I even begin? Why? >> Maybe because I was threatened by a mafia lady who said she'd kill me and my whole annoying family if I didn't find the egg. Look, I am so terribly sorry I stole from you, but I

really didn't have a choice. Believe me. >> Okay, can you start from the beginning? >> After I told him everything, he didn't exactly look shocked. I already know about the drive. >> You do? >> I didn't at first. I bought the egg at that auction because it was rare and yeah, glittery, but I did find the drive inside eventually. >> And Black Orchid wants it to blackmail the world's most powerful crooks. >> Looks like it. >> I'm curious. Why didn't you destroy the drive? >> Because if I did that, I'd be helping to cover up

my grandfather's crimes. But I haven't had the courage to do the right thing either yet. He isn't alive, but if this news gets out, it'll destroy our legacy and reputation forever. >> I'm sorry. Really, that's a lot to have on your shoulders. The egg's in your court, but you have to make a decision soon. And I'm going to need your help to not get killed by that woman. >> I'm still confused about one thing. How did you break into my vault? >> We don't have time for this right now. Waiter, check, please. The next day,

I arranged a meeting with Black Orchid, who told me to come to the same building where we'd first met. Wow, you're really working that smoky eye and love your little gookie scarf. >> Thanks. It's strong enough to choke a grown man. Why do things get so morbid with you so fast? Uh, anyway, here's your egg. She pulled out the fabra egg from the bag, then turned it over immediately and clicked open the hidden seam. The compartment was empty and her face turned dark. Where's the drive? >> Look, I was too scared to even open the

egg, and I certainly didn't know about any hidden compartments. I have no idea. >> You're lying. I swear on Lord Voldemo's life, I don't know anything. >> Fine, let's call in lover boy. I think he has a very full schedule today. meetings, stress naps, crying into his money piles, you know, billionaire stuff. >> Oh, don't worry. I know how to make a man come running. >> And there I was again, tied to a chair on a rooftop. The mafia woman sent a photograph of me to Alexander. And sure enough, 20 minutes later, Alexander burst through

the rooftop door. Wow, man's really did come running. And he'd be looking hot while doing it. Shut up, brain. He silently gave the drive to Black Orchid, then stroed over and started untying me. >> I thought you said you could stall her for a while without ending up in a life-threatening situation. >> I tried, man. Things just always escalate really fast with her. Black Orchid plugged the flash drive into her laptop, and it was the first time I'd seen her smile widely. So creepy. >> Oh, yes. This is the real thing. >> Glad you approve.

Can we go now? >> Of course, Josie. You can expect a Lord of Gray and a box of skin care soon. >> Amazing. You'll send the skincare every month, right? I thought that was the deal. >> You know what? I like you. You've actually been very useful, and I could definitely use a lawyer willing to break the law now and then. I'll be in touch. Ta. >> She was almost at the door to the stairwell when suddenly one of her goons spoke. Boss, uh, you need to see this. >> He showed her his phone and

her face twisted. >> Breaking news. Elite corruption files leaked in bombshell data dump. >> I told that idiot journalist to wait a couple of hours. >> Did you account for the time difference since he lives so far away? Black Orchid turned to us. Her eyes burning. You leaked it. You exposed your own family. >> Yeah, I did. I don't want to inherit a dirty legacy. >> And you can't use the files to blackmail anyone now since they're out there anyway. Your name's on it, too. You might need an actual lawyer. And then suddenly, she screamed

like a banshee and came running at me. And before I could even react, she pushed me over the rooftop. Alexander lunged forward to grab my hand and went over with me. Josie, open your eyes. >> So I can see the pavement I'm going to smack my skull on. And then suddenly I hit a springy surface, bounced off of it, flipped, and landed straight on Alexander. What the heck? Did we just land on an inflatable mattress? >> When she sent that photo of you tied up, I had my team set up these landing pads on every

side of the building just in case she tried something. Oh my god, I love rich people so much. I could just kiss you right now. >> Yeah, what's stopping you? >> His face was so close to mine. And suddenly, my heart wasn't just pounding from the near-death experience. As we both leaned in, a pigeon suddenly poked on my head, and the moment was gone. So, the good news was that Black Orchid was arrested on seven counts of money laundering, illegal arms deals, and oh yeah, kidnapping me and pushing me off a rooftop. Also, her actual

name was released on the news, Janice Mildred Witherspoon. Meanwhile, the corruption scandal exploded and Alexander was buried in lawyers, press conferences, and damage control. You took down the mafia and exposed all these crooks. You, Josie Hart, the girl who once got banned from IKEA for accidentally setting off a fire extinguisher thinking it was air freshener. Yeah, I still can't believe it either. I'm not the kind of person crazy exciting things happen to. Only crazy stupid. >> So, the fake girlfriend gig is over. We haven't had a chance to talk, but yeah, I should think so.

Serena wants him back. And that's what he wanted, right? And with this scandal all over the news, I think my family won't take our breakup too badly. >> And you're going to let him go just like that? >> Yep. So, I just went back to my normal life. If you can call baking a dozen loaves of banana bread every day and sobbing into a pillow watching Pride and Prejudice for the hundth time normal. One morning as I was eating chocolate ice cream, the doorbell rang and I found Alexander outside looking slightly tired but as good

as ever. >> Hi. I should have called before coming, I guess. But I assumed you'd be home >> because what? I couldn't possibly have plans. >> Well, do you have any plans? >> No, just come in. [Music] So, how's it going with the ruined business and the shattered public image? >> On the bright side, we can't be jailed for my grandfather's crimes. But, of course, we've taken a massive hit financially. [Music] >> So, you're like poor now? >> Relatively. We'll have to share a helicopter with another family. It's free tonight. And I was wondering if

I could fly you out for a date. I mean, a a real one. I've really missed you, Josie. >> You You mean that? What about Serena? >> That insufferable woman. So, I figured I'd just been hung up on her because she dumped me and I didn't really want her. And I went to tell her just that, except she rejected me first again. She said after my family's scandal, she didn't want me. I really gave her a piece of my mind. I was bold, eloquent. I even quoted Shakespeare. >> Oh, what did you say? Shall I

compare thee to a summer's day? No, I shall not because a summer's day is not a witch. >> That's really something. >> Thank you. Also, I had Mia send your application for the bar exam again. Honestly, after the pressure-filled situations you've been in, I have a feeling you'll breeze through it now. But if you need me to, I can buy a law degree for you. >> That's very sweet. But maybe you stay away from doing illegal things. Okay. And yes, I'm free for a date tonight. Can you send your styling team over, though? >> No,

I like you just the way you are, Josie Hart. >> Turns out, maybe I am the kind of person exciting things happen to. And maybe, just maybe, I'll pass the bar exam next time. If not, at least I've got a really hot backup plan.