Improvement pill here most of us know how it feels to be nervous about something Hearts hammering inside your chest shaky hands shortness of breath or even excessive sweating and what's one well-known cause of these types of nerves public speaking in fact fear of public speaking or glossophobia is one of the most common phobia according to the National social anxiety Center and affects around 40% of the population a little while back we noticed one commenter asking for help in dealing with this exact phobia they said whenever I'm at school and a teacher wants me to read
say or answer something I'm always under a lot of stress and only get the first words out after stuttering a few times what can I do about this fear of public speaking is a type of social anxiety the main cause of most social anxieties is an underlying fear of judgment or negative evaluation from others so the natural answer to this is to stop putting so much importance on other people's opinions and judgments but that's much easier said than done that's why we're going to Deep dive into the concept of detachment and how you can use
this one relatively simple idea to let go and stop anxiety and nerves from controlling you but first to understand how to detach we need to figure out why we feel nervous or fear in the first place the answer over attachment many of us are over attached to ourselves the way we look sound and come across to others when the reality is that no one cares as much about you as you do and placing this importance on yourself and how others see you we add tremendous pressure on ourselves we overanalyze who we are how we behave
and what people might think of US enter social anxiety in small amounts pressure can be helpful but add too much and it could be crippling this is where Detachment comes in Detachment isn't about not caring about things in life it's about being selective over what you do care about it's about asking yourself if it's good for you to be mentally over involved in something or if it just gives you unnecessary Stress and Anxiety nine times out of 10 you actually do better when you're more relaxed it's why young or new athletes often perform better when
they're training compared to when they compete the pressure of the crowd and the desire to win causes them to tense up just like this commenter who gets stressed and stutters in class so how can we detach we can reduce this self-inflicted pressure and detach from a situation in a few ways the first is by using the let them Theory the let them theory is about creating distance between you and other people's thoughts feelings decisions and actions it's about detaching from other people and focusing on yourself and what's best for you say if your friends go
to a party one weekend and no one invites you you let them overthinking the situation and getting upset over it will only cause you suffering or if you're nervous to speak in front of a crowd of people because you fear what they might think of you if you let them think whatever they like you take away the power and control other people have over you you start reclaiming the power and decide to feel think and do the things that are in your best interest and what's the result you're more relaxed and confident and you live
for yourself you get your time back instead of worrying about what people might think of you you end up living a much more happy and content Life as a result so next time your heart is beating or your palms are sweaty try to pinpoint the fear behind this reaction and by letting them you might find you're able to relax a bit more the next theory is about the law of reversed effort the law of reversed effort is about the level of Desire we have over doing something the more we want something the more difficult it
becomes to achieve so in relation to social anxiety and public public speaking the more we want people to like us and the more we try to control how the situation goes the more difficult it gets to achieve what we want the more we freeze stutter our hands begin to shake this is where Detachment comes in if we care less and we stop trying to control the situation we can begin to relax about it one great way of doing this in the moment is through grounding techniques focusing on your breathing your environment or how your body
feels is a great way to quiet an anxious mind and give yourself mental distance from the situation a popular grounding technique is to name five things in your environment that you can see this can be anything from people to objects or even colors you can then move on to naming five things you can hear maybe the growl of car engines birds chirping or the chatter of people nearby it doesn't matter what you can hear what matters is that you bring yourself out of the pressure that your mind is creating about the situation and into the
present moment knowing about the law of reversed efforts is a powerful tool we've even got a video video that goes into more detail on this if you're looking for something else to watch after this one the next theory that uses Detachment is coined by another bestselling author Mark Manson Manson's book The subtle art of not giving an F uses the concept of giving distance to your problems and taking responsibility for them to take back control over your life by giving distance to our problems we give them less power try asking this question how will you
feel about this in 5 years chances are you're not going to remember the moment you read aloud in class one day at school the next step is to take responsibility for the problem or scenario only you have the power to overcome the problem do you want to stay nervous and scared or do you want instead to become a confident and happier version of yourself the choice is yours and it's your responsibility to work on this to overcome it you can do anything you put your mind to so why not this the last and potentially one
of the most helpful theories is impression management what if you don't feel confident well you can fake it impression management uses the concept of acting like a version of yourself that would be successful in a situation giving you the confidence you need to do it if you need to come across as a natural public speaker for a presentation at school or work you can act like you are even if you don't feel like it acting like you do in the moment tricks your mind into thinking you can it gives you an opportunity to practice and
acts as a way to prove to yourself you can do it one way we like to use impression management is by taking our favorite character from a film who may be good in high pressure situations funny friendly relaxed or confident and channeling them for example take the cool calm confidence of Robert Downey Jr as Tony Stark a genius engineer Tony Stark takes responsibility in any situation he remains relaxed in the face of any Challenge and channeling this type of energy can be a great low pressure way to detach from any fears or blockers you might
have there we have it Detachment is an incredibly useful concept gives you back your power and control over your life using techniques such as the let them Theory the law of reversed effort distancing and taking responsibility for your problems and impression management can help you to get over your anxiety and nerves with practice and exposure to these stressful situations you can get over your fears and stop letting them rule over your life take back the control have you gotten over a fear or anxiety in the past share your experience in the comments below thanks for
watching and as ever stay tuned for
