The coin of the realm: give people what they want

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is the coin of The Realm by now many of you have had a chance to check out my book the value of others for those of you who have thank you for taking a chance on it as you know the book is um bookended by two Parables the prologue and the epilogue since a number of people have recently asked me about the story in the epilogue I thought I would discuss it with you today now I'm not

going to give everything to you on a silver platter after all what would be the point in using a parable if I did that the beauty of Parables is that they can mean many things that they possess depths of comprehensibility that can be true on multiple levels simultaneously today I'm going to offer one possible interpretation of that Parable that might help illuminate some of the contents of the book it's not the highest interpretation but it's a useful interpretation nonetheless so the parable at the end of the book is called the coin of Caesar which describes

an episode from the life of Jesus a group of Pharisees approach Jesus in the marketplace and they start complaining to him about the necessity of paying taxes isn't it unfair isn't it unjust we shouldn't have to suffer this indignity is it not a form of idol worship Etc now Jesus doesn't go in for any of this thinking and he asks the group how do you pay your taxes and they answer him with this coin and Jesus says let me see the coin when they hand it to him he asks who face is on this coin

the Pharisees answer Caesars so Jesus replies this is Caesar's coin Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is Gods so that's the Parable and as I mentioned there's a lot of different ways we could interpret it however in the context of intersexual Dynamics I think it provides a lesson on how men and women can have more happy and fulfilling relationships with each other namely Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's there are certain things that men want we can call those men's coins you can even imagine that they have pictures of men on

them that's what men want they want to be paid in their currency on the other hand there are certain things that women want we can call those women's coins you can even imagine that they have pictures of women on them that's what women want they want to be paid in their currency men need to pay women in women's currency and women need to pay men in men's currency and this doesn't often happen and it often doesn't happen for a variety of reasons most commonly it doesn't happen because at least one party doesn't have what the

other party wants men don't have or don't have enough of what women want and women don't have or don't have enough of what men want and you have to first have something before you can give it to somebody else so that's the first reason men need to cultivate more of what women want and vice versa now it can happen that one party does in fact have what the other party wants however this can still cause problems if this person believes that he or she shouldn't have to pay these people are Pharisees in the market place

and they have all kinds of different arguments to rationalize their stinginess I shouldn't have to pay that's degrading and beneath me I should be able to pay in my own way what I pay should be enough if you really loved me you wouldn't make me pay it's greedy and abusive that you expect payment etc etc etc all of these arguments are like can you imagine if someone tried to use those arguments in a court of law if they were hauled in for the non-payment of income tax your honor I shouldn't have to pay taxes it's

degrading and I believe I should be an exception in any case you ask too much if I did have to pay I think I should only pay this much and I should be able to pay in other ways besides money wouldn't you think that just being in my presence is enough of a payment if the government really cared about me it wouldn't make me pay taxes don't be mean and greedy and selfish that would never work the material world runs on Power and value and there is nothing wrong with circulating the currency of the material

world in your dealings with it Render unto Caesar what is Caesars if anything you will run into trouble if for whatever reason you refuse to circul the currency of the material world in your dealings with it and it is for Caesar not you to decide when he would like to be paid and how he would like to be paid and how much he would like to be paid and he gets to decide those things not because he's better or more virtuous or more enlightened he gets to decide those things because he is more powerful it

is what it is if you were appreciate the insights on this channel I would highly encourage you to get your hands on a copy of my book the value of others over the course of 432 pages I delve deep into my economic model of relationships and explain the behavior of both men and women in the game of mating and dating I also provide a lot of actionable advice on how to get and keep more of what you want in the sexual Marketplace once you read the value of others you'll never look at relationships the same

way again now available in ebook audiobook and paperback formats the links are in the description to have successful relationships men need to give women what women want and women need to give men what men want let's make this more concrete with a simple but very commonplace example namely the texting behaviors of men and women I actually spoke about this a bit in my first discussion with James ston on soft white underbelly there are big differences in how men and women use texts to flirt how do men flirt over text they send women dickpics most women

do not want dickpics so why are men sending these texts because men want nudes from women they think this is the coin I want so it must be a valuable coin so will give something of value to get something of value but my dudes these texts are not women's coin they do not have pictures of women on them that is not the currency in which they want to be paid on the other hand how do women flirt they send pictures of the most innan and irrelevant here's the sandwich I ate for lunch here's a cloud

that looks like a peanut here's a picture of my shoes men couldn't care l about any of that so why are women sending men these texts because women want affection from men they want him to think of her when she's not around and to share the Little moments of his life with her and to stay connected with her they think this is the coin I want so it must be a valuable coin so I will give something a value to get something of value but my ladies these texts are not men's coin they do not

have pictures of men on them these are not the currency in which men want to be paid if you want your relationship to be smooth and satisfying pay the other person in their currency men give your women affection sometimes I hear men complain that their women left them from for some broke loser like how do you make sense of that o is she just crazy and irrational doesn't that mean your economic model is maybe or maybe I don't know he was able to engage her emotions and cultivate a connection with her while they were relying

on attraction proxies like money to do that for them pay women in their coin on the other hand women send your men nudes sometimes I hear women complain that men only seem to want them for sex isn't that toxic and unhealthy shouldn't he want to know and care about her hopes and dreams and personalities maybe or maybe I don't know he's a man and he wants to look at titties that seems pretty normal and healthy to me if he's a straight man he's going to want to look at titties looking at titties is probably going

to be the best thing that happens to him today and given the unprecedented availability of titties in the Modern Age we can also pretty much assume that he's going to be looking at titties today the only question ladies is do you want them to be your titties do you want to be the best part of his day today or do you want some other woman to play that role in his life the choice is yours but I guarantee titties are going to be on the menu one way or the other pay men in their coin

now men often dislike offering women that kind of affection but they'll do it especially if you tell them that it works however women have all kinds of reasons why they shouldn't have to send nudes and they often won't do it even if it will get them what they want so let's briefly discuss what might be the most reasonable objection to this piece of advice namely this goes against my values Orion I have a legitimate religious or moral exception to that kind of behavior and I would like that to be respected now if that's the case

I would respond absolutely that is your right you don't have to do anything that violates your religious or moral sensibilities that said you also can't reasonably expect to therefore dictate what currency the other person should be willing to accept as that would be tantamount to imposing your religion or morality on others very likely you will need to contract your relationships in those circumscribed locations that accept your localized currency like if you want commitment to precede sex then you probably need to date in your church or your mosque because that is where that currency is accepted

but that is not the coin of the realm you can't walk into French Laundry and try to pay for your dinner with Disney dollars or a hug and a smile that's not going to work if you want to enjoy a dinner at French Laundry you have to give French Laundry what French Laundry wants which is USD complaining that they don't accept rubles or bushels of apples or American Express is irrelevant that's not for you to decide it's for the other party to decide how they want to be paid so what happens when men and women

don't pay each other in the proper currency at the heart of pretty much all relationship dysfunction is a single belief and that belief which exists in at least at least one of the party's Minds is that I am overpaying I am giving and giving and giving and I'm not getting what I want in return and this belief gives rise to all the different kinds of expressions of dissatisfaction emotional withdrawal resentfulness disparagement conflict infidelity etc etc it's not complicated if you want to have smooth satisfying relationships give the other party what they want men should not

give women what men want to receive men need to give women what women want to receive women should not give men what women want to receive women need to give men what men want to receive this is functionally how we do business with each other and it is good and appropriate to do this Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message as its Word of Mouth

referrals like this that really helped to make the channel grow anyone looking to join my free Weekly Newsletter or book a paid consultation can also do so on my website the links to everything are in the description below as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening