DOROTHY SAYERS - IN THE TEETH OF THE EVIDENCE | Detective Tales

in the teeth of the evidence by Dorothy sers well old son said Mr Lampo and what can we do for you today oh some of your whizbang business I suppose said Lord Peter Whimsy seating himself resentfully in the green velvet torture chair and making a face in the direction of the drill Jolly Old leftand upper grinder come to bits on me I was only eating an omelet too can't understand why they always pick these moments if I'd been cracking nuts or peppermint jumbles I could understand it yes said Mr Lampo soothingly he drew an electric

bulb complete with mirror as though by Magic out of a kind of masculine and davant Contraption on Lord Peter's left a trail of flex followed it issuing apparently from the bowels of the earth any pain no pain said Whimsy irritably unless you count a sharp edge fit to saw your tongue off point is why should it go pop like that I wasn't doing anything to it no said Mr Lampo his manner hovering between the professional and the friendly for he was an old Winchester man and a member of One of whimsy's clubs and had frequently

met him on the cricket field in the days of their youth well if you'll stop talking half a moment we'll have a look at it ah don't say ah like that as if you'd found pyara and necrosis of the jaw and were gloating over it you damned old ghoul just carve it out and stop it up and be hanged to you and by the way what have you been up to why should I meet an inspector of police on your doorstep you needn't pretend he came to have his Bridge work attended to because I saw

his Sergeant waiting for him outside well it was rather curious said Mr Lampo dexterously gagging his friend with one hand and dabbing cotton wool into the offending cavity with the other I suppose I oughtn't to tell you but if I don't you you get it out of your friends at Scotland Yard they wanted to see my predecessor's books possibly you noticed that bit in the papers about a dentl man being found dead in a blazing Garage on Wimbledon common yon said Lord Peter Whimsy last night said Mr Lampo pooped off about nine Piper and it

took them 3 hours to put it out one of those wooden garages and the big job was to keep the blaze away from the house fortunately it's at the end of the row with nobody at home apparently this man prast was all alone there just going off for a holiday or something and he contrived to set himself and his car and his garage a light last night and was burnt to Death In fact when they found him he was so badly charred that they couldn't be sure it was he so being sticklers for routine they

had to look at his teeth oh yes said Whimsy watching Mr Lampo fitting a new drill into its socket didn't anybody have a go at putting the f fire out oh yes but as it was a wooden shed full of petrol it simply went up like a bonfire just a little bit over this way please that's Splendid whiz G as a matter of fact they seem to think it might just possibly be suicide the man's married with three children and ured and all that sort of thing whiz gur Buzz gur whiz his family's down at

Worthing staying with his mother-in-law or something tell me if I heard you gur and I don't suppose he was doing any too well still of course he may easily have had an accident when filling up I gather he was starting off that night to join them uh ow O uh I hi I inquired Whimsy naturally enough how do I come into it said Mr Lampo who from long experience was expert in the interpretation of mumblings well only because the chap whose practice I took over here did this fellow past's dental work for him whiz he

died but left his books behind him for my guidance in case any of his old patients should feel inclined to trust me whiz I'm sorry did you feel that as a matter of fact some of them actually do I suppose it's an instinct to trundle around to the same old place when you're in pain like the dying elephants will you rinse please I see said Whimsy when he had finished washing out chips of himself and exploring his ravaged Moler with his tongue how odd it is that these cavities always seem so large I feel as

if I could put my head into this one still I suppose you know what you're about and are past's teeth all right haven't had time to hunt Through The Ledger yet but I've said I'll go down to have a look at them as soon as I've finished with you it's my lunchtime anyway and my 2:00 patient isn't coming thank goodness she usually brings five spoiled children and they all want to sit around and watch and play with the apparatus one of them got loose last time and tried to electrocute itself on the X-ray plant next

door and she thinks that children should be done at Half Price a little wider if you can manage it yes that's very nice now we can dress that and put in a temporary rinse please yes said Whimsy and for goodness sake make it firm and not too much of your foul oil of cloves I don't want bits to come out in the middle of dinner you can't imagine the nastiness of caviar flavored with cloves no said Mr Lampo you may find this a little cold squirt swish rinse please you may notice it when the dressing

goes in oh you did notice it good that shows that the nerve's all right only a little longer now there yes you may get down now another rinse certainly when would you like to come in again don't be silly old horse said Whimsy I am coming out to Wimbledon with you straight away you'll get there twice as fast if I drive you I've never had a corpse in blazing garage before and I want to learn there is nothing really attractive about corpses in blazing garages even whimsy's War experience did not quite reconcile him to the

object that lay on the Mory slab in the police station charred out of all res Lance to humanity it turned even the police surgeon pale while Mr Lampo was so overcome that he had to lay down the books he had brought with him and retire into the open to recover himself meanwhile Whimsy having put himself on terms of mutual confidence and esteem with the police officials thoughtfully turned over the little pile of blackened odds and ends that represented the contents of Mr past's Pockets there was nothing remarkable about them the leather not suit case still

held the remains of a thickish wad of notes doubtless cash in hand for the holiday at Worthing the handsome gold watch obviously a presentation had stopped at 7 minutes past 9 Whimsy remarked on its good state of preservation sheltered between the left arm and the body that seemed to be the explanation looks as though the first sudden Blaze had regularly overcome him said the Police Inspector he evidently made no attempt to get out it' Simply fall forward over the wheel with his head on the dashboard that's why the face is so disfigured I'll show you

the remains of the car presently if you're interested my Lord if the other gentleman's feeling better we may as well take the body first taking the body was a long and unpleasant job Mr lampau nerving himself with an effort and producing a pair of forceps and a probe went gingerly over the Jaws reduced almost to their bony structure by the furnace heat to which they had been exposed while the police surgeon checked entries in The Ledger Mr prast had a dental history extending back over 10 years in The Ledger and had already had two or

three fillings done before that time these had been noted at the time when he first came to Mr lamp's predecessor at the end of a long examination the surgeon looked up from the notes he had been making well now he said letun check that again allowing for renewal of old work I think we've got a pretty accurate picture of the present state of his mouth there ought to be nine fillings in all small amalgam filling in right lower back wisdom tooth big amalgam Ditto in right lower back Moler amalgam fillings in right upper first and

second Bier bids at point of contact right upper in size a crown that all right I expect so said Mr Lampo except that the right upper inzer seems to be missing altogether but possibly the crown came loose and fell out he probed delicately the jaw is very brittle I can't make anything of the canal but there's nothing against it we may find the crown in the garage suggested the inspector fused porcelain filling in left upper K9 went on the surgeon amalgam fillings in left upper first by cpid and lower second by cpid and left lower

13-year-old mher that seems to be all no teeth missing and no artificials how old was this man inspector about 45 doc my age I only wish I had as good a set of teeth said the surgeon Mr lampau agreed with him then I take it this is Mr prast all right said the inspector not a doubt of it I should say replied Mr Lampo though I should like to find that Missing Crown we'd better go around to the house then said the inspector well yes thank you my Lord I shouldn't mind a lift in that

some car well the only point now is whether it was accident or suicide round to the right my Lord and then second on the left I'll tell you as we go a bit out of the way for a dental man observed Mr Lampo as they emerged upon some scattered houses near the common the inspector made a Grimace I thought the same sir but it appears Mrs prast persuaded him to come here so good for the children not so good for the practice though if you are ask me I should say Mrs P was the biggest

argument we have for suicide here we are the last sentence was scarcely necessary there was a little crowd about the Gate of a small detached Villa at the end of a row of similar houses from a pile of dismal debris in the garden a smell of burning still Rose disgustingly the inspector pushed through the gate with his companions pursued by the comments of the bystanders that's the inspector that's Dr mags that'll be another doctor him with the little bag who's the bloke in the eyeglass looks a proper nobleman don't he flurry why he'll be the

insurance bloke coup look at his Grand car that's where the money goes that's a rolls that is no silly it's a damler oh well it's all advertisement these days Whimsy giggled indecorously all the way up the Garden Path the sight of the skeleton car amid the Soden and fire black remains of the garage sobered him two police constables crouched over the ruin with a SI stood up and saluted how are you getting on Jenkins haven't got anything very much yet sir bar an ivory cigarette holder this gentleman indicating a stout bald man in spectacles who

was squatting among the damaged coachwork is Mr toy from the Motorworks come with a note from the superintendent sir ah yes can you give any opinion about this Mr toly Dr mags you know Mr lampau Lord Peter Whimsy by the way Jenkins Mr lampau has been going into The Corpse's dentistry and he's looking for a lost tooth you might see if you can find it now Mr tly can't see much doubt about how it happened said Mr toly picking his teeth thoughtfully regular death traps these little saloons when anything goes wrong unex expectedly there's a

front tank you see and it looks as though there might have been a bit of a leak behind the dash somewhere possibly the seam of the tank had got strained a bit or the union had come loose it's loose now as a matter of fact but that's not unusual after a fire Rouse case or no Rouse case you can get quite a lot of slow dripping from a damaged tank or pipe and there seems to have been a coconut mat around the controls which would prevent you from noticing there'd be a smell of course but

these little garages do often get to smell of petrol and he kept several cans of the stuff here more than the legal amount but that's not unusual either looks to me as though he'd filled up his tank there are two empty tins near the Bonnet with the Caps loose got in shut the door started up the car perhaps and then lit a cigarette then if there were any petrol fumes about from a leak the whole show would go up in his face whoosh how was the ignition off he may never have switched it on but

it's quite likely he switched it off again when the Flames went up silly thing to do but lots of people do do it the proper thing of course is to switch off the petrol and leave the engine running so as to empty the carburetor but you don't always think straight when you're being burnt alive or he may have meant to turn off the petrol and been overcome before he could manage it the tanks over here to the left you see on the other hand said Whimsy he may have committed suicide and faked the accident nasty

way of committing suicide suppose he'd taken poison first he'd have had to stay alive long enough to fire the car that's true suppose he'd shot himself would the flash from the no that's silly you'd have found the weapon in the case or a hypodermic same objection pric acid might have done it I mean he might just have had time to take a tablet and then fire the car pric acid's pretty quick but it isn't absolutely instantaneous I'll have a look for it Anyway said Dr mags they were interrupted by the Constable excuse me sir but

I think we found the tooth Mr lampau says this is it between his pudgy finger and thumb he held up a small bony object from which a small stalk of metal still protruded that's a right upper in size a crown all right by the look of it said Mr Lampo I suppose the cement gave way with the heat heat some cements are sensitive to heat some on the other hand to damp well that settles it doesn't it yes well we shall have to break it to the Widow not that she can be in very much

doubt I imagine Mrs prast a very much made up lady with a face set in lines of Habitual peevishness received the news with a burst of loud sobs she informed them when she was sufficiently recovered that Arthur had always been careless about petrol that he smoked too much that she had often warned him about the danger of small saloons that she had told him he ought to get a bigger car that the one he had was not really large enough for her and the whole family that he would drive at night though she had always

said it was dangerous and that if he'd listened to her it would never have happened poor Arthur was not a good driver only last week when he was taking us down to Worthing he drove the car right up on a bank in trying to pass a lorri and frightened us all dreadfully ah said the inspector no doubt that's how the tank got strained very cautiously he inquired whether Mr prast could have had any reason for taking his own life the Widow was indignant it was true that the practice had been declining of late but Arthur

would never have been so wicked as to do such a thing why only 3 months ago he had taken out a life insurance for $500 and he'd never have invalidated it by committing suicide within the term stipulated by the policy inconsiderate of her as Arthur was and whatever injuries he had done her as a wife he wouldn't Rob his innocent children the inspector pricked up his ears at the word injuries what injuries oh well of course she'd known all the time that Arthur was carrying on with that Mrs Fielding you couldn't deceive her with all

this stuff about teeth needing continual attention and it was all very well to say that Mrs fielding's house was better run than her own that wasn't surprising a rich Widow with no children and no responsibilities of course she could afford to have everything nice you couldn't expect a busy wife to do miracles on such a small housekeeping allowance if Arthur had wanted things different he should have been more generous and it was easy enough for Mrs Fielding to attract men dressed up like a fashion plate and no better than she should be she told Arthur

that if it didn't stop she'd divorce him and since then he'd taken to spending all his evenings in town and what was he doing there the inspector stemmed the torrent by asking for Mrs fielding's address I'm sure I don't know said Mrs prast she did live at number 57 but she went abroad after I made it clear I wasn't going to stand any more of it it's very nice to be some people with plenty of money to spend I've never been abroad since our honeymoon and that was only to Bong at the end of this

conversation the inspector sought Dr mags and begged him to to be thorough in his search for pric acid the remaining testimony was that of Gladis the general servant she had left Mr past's House the day before at 6:00 she was to have taken a week's holiday while the pagasts were at Worthing she had thought that Mr prast had seemed worried and nervous the last few days but that had not surprised her because she knew he disliked staying with his wife's people she Gladis had finished her work and put out a cold supper and then gone

home with her employer's permission he had a patient a gentleman from Australia or some such a place who wanted his teeth attended to in a hurry before going off on his travels again Mr prast had explained that he would be working late and would shut up the house himself and she need not wait further inquiry showed that Mr prast had scarcely touched his supper being presumably in a hurry to get off apparently then the patient had been the last person to see Mr prast alive the dentist's appointment book was next examined the patient figured there

as Mr Williams 530 and the address book placed Mr Williams at a small hotel in Bloomsbury the manager of the hotel said that Mr Williams had stayed there for a week he had given no address except Adelaide and had mentioned that he was revisiting the old country for the first time after 20 years and had no friends in London unfortunately he could not be interviewed at about half 10 the previous night a messenger had called bringing his card to pay his bill and remove his luggage no address had been left for forwarding letters it was

not a district messenger but a man in a slouch hat and heavy dark Overcoat the night Porter had not seen his face very clearly as only one light was on in the hall he had told them to hurry up as Mr Williams wanted to catch the boat train from waterl inquiry at the booking office showed that a Mr Williams had actually traveled on that train being booked to Paris the ticket had been taken that same night so Mr Williams had disappeared into the blue and even if they could trace him it seemed unlikely that he

could throw much light on Mr past's state of mind immediately previous to the disaster it seemed a little odd at first that Mr Williams from Adelaide staying in Bloomsbury should have traveled to Wimbledon to get his teeth attended to but the simple explanation was the likeliest namely that the friendless Williams had struck up an acquaintance with prast in a cafe or some such place and that a casual mention of his Dental Necessities had led to a project of mutual profit and assistance after which nothing seemed to be left but for the coroner to bring in

a verdict of death by misadventure and for the Widow to send in her claim to the insurance company when Dr mags upset the whole scheme of things by announcing that he had discovered traces of a large injection of hyene in the body and what about about it the inspector on hearing this observed callously that he was not surprised if ever a man had an excuse for suicide he thought it was Mrs past's husband he thought that it would be desirable to make a careful search among the scorched Laurels surrounding what had been Mr past's garage

Lord Peter Whimsy agreed but committed himself to the prophecy that the syringe would not be found Lord Peter Whimsy was entirely wrong the syringe was found next day in a position suggesting that it had been thrown out of the window of the garage after use traces of the poison were discovered to be present in it it's a sloww workking drug observed Dr mags no doubt he jabbed himself threw the syringe away hoping it would never be looked for and then before he lost Consciousness climbed into the car and set light to it a clumsy way

of doing it a damned ingenious way of doing it said Whimsy I don't believe in that syringe somehow he rang up his dentist lampl old horse he said I wish you'd do something for me I wish you'd go over those teeth again no not my teeth pasts oh blow it said Mr Lampo uneasily no but I wish you would said his lordship the body was still unburied Mr lampau grumbling very much went down to Wimbledon with Whimsy and again went through his distasteful task this time he started on the left side lower 13-year-old mher and

second by cuspid filled amalgam the fires got at those a bit but they're all right first upper bicuspid bicuspids a stupid sort of teeth always the first to go that filling looks to have been rather carelessly put in not what I should call good work it seems to extend over the next tooth possibly the fire did that left upper K9 cast porcelain filling on anterior face that's so half a gif said Whimsy mag's note says fused porcelain is it the same thing no different process well I suppose it's fused porcelain difficult to see I should

have said it was cast myself but that's as may be let's verify it in The Ledger I wish mags had put the dates in goodness knows how far I shall have to hunt back and I don't understand this Chap's writing or his dashed abbreviations you won't have to go back very far if it's cast the stuff only came in about 1928 from America there was quite a rage for it then but for some reason it didn't take on extraordinary well over here but some men use it oh then it isn't cast said Whimsy there's nothing

here about Kines back to 28 let's make sure 27 26 25 24 23 here you are K9 something or other that's it said Lampo coming to look over his shoulder fused porcelain I must be wrong then easily see by taking it out the grain's different and so is the way it's put in how different well said Mr Lampo one's a cast you see and the others fused I did grasp that much well go ahead and take it out can't very well not here then take it home and do it there don't you see Lampo how

important it is if it is cast porcelain or whatever you call it it can't have been done in 23 and if it was removed later then another dentist must have done it and he may have done other things and in that case those things ought to be there and they're not don't you see I see you're getting rather agitato said Mr Lampo all I can say is I refuse to have this thing taken along to my surgery corpses aren't popular in Harley Street in the end the body was removed by permission to the dental Department

of the local hospital here Mr lampau assisted by the staff Dental expert Dr mags and the police delicately extracted The Filling from the Kine if that said he triumphantly is not cast porcelain I will extract all my own teeth without an anesthetic and swallow them what do you say Benton the hospital dentist agreed with him Mr Lampo who had suddenly developed an eager interest in the problem nodded and inserted a careful probe between the upper right by cuspids with their adjacent fillings come and look at this Benton allowing for the action of the fire and

all this muck wouldn't you have said this was a very recent filling there at the point of contact might have been done yesterday and here wait a minute where's the lower jaw gone to get that fitted up give me a bit of carbon look at the tremendous bite there ought to be here with that big Moler coming down onto it that fillings miles too high for the job Whimsy when was this bottom right hand back Moler filled 2 years ago said Whimsy that's impossible said the two dentists together and Mr Benton added if you clean

away the mess you'll see it's a new filling never been bitten on I should say look here Mr Lampo there's something odd here odd I should say there was I never thought about it when I was checking it up yesterday but look at this old cavity in the lateral here why didn't he have that filled when all this other work was done now it's cleaned out you can see it plainly have you got a long probe it's quite deep and must have given him jip I say inspector I want to have some of these fillings

out do you mind go ahead said the inspector we've got plenty of witnesses with Mr Benton supporting the grizzly patient and Mr Lampo manipulating the drill The Filling of one of the MERS was speedily drilled out and Mr Lampo said oh gosh where which as Lord Peter remarked just showed you what a dentist meant when he said ah try the bicuspids suggested Mr Benton or this 13-year-old chimed in his colleague hold hard gentlemen protested the inspector don't spoil the specimen altogether Mr lampau drilled away without heeding him another filling came out and Mr Lampo said

gosh again it's all right said Whimsy grinning you can get out your warrant inspector what's that my Lord murder said Whimsy why said the inspector do these gentlemen mean that Mr prast got a new dentist who poisoned his teeth for him no said Mr Lampo at least not what you mean by poisoning but I've never seen such work in my life why in two places the man hasn't even troubled to clear out the Decay at all he's just enlarged the cavity and stopped it up again anyhow why this chapter didn't get thundering abscesses I don't

know perhaps said Whimsy the stopping were put in too recently hello what now this one's all right no Decay here doesn't look as if there ever had been either but one can't tell about that I dare say there never was get your warrant out inspector for the murder of Mr Prendergast and against whom no against Arthur prast for the murder of one Mr Williams and incidentally for arson and attempted fraud and against Mrs Fielding too if you like for conspiracy though you may be able to prove that part of it it turned out when they

found Mr prast in Ruan that he had thought out the scheme well in advance the one thing he had had to wait for had been to find a patient of his own height and build with a good set of teeth and few home ties when the unhappy Williams had fallen into his clutches he had few preparations to make Mrs penigar had to be packed off to Worthing a journey she was ready enough to take at any time and the maid given a holiday then the necessary Dental accessories had to be prepared and the victim invited

out to tea at Wimbledon then the murder a stunning Blow from behind followed by an injection then the slow and horrid process of Faking the teeth to correspond with Mr past's own next the exchange of clothes and the body carried down and placed in the car the hypodermic put where it might be overlooked on a casual inspection and yet might plausibly be found if the presence of the drug should be discovered ready in the one case to support a verdict of accident and in the second of suicide then the car soaked in petrol the union

loosened the cans left about the garage door and window left open to lend color to the story and provide a draft and finally light set to the car by means of a train of P petrol laid through the garage door then flight to the station through the winter darkness and so by underground to London the risk of being recognized on the Underground was small in Williams's hat and clothes and with a scarf wound about the lower part of the face The Next Step was to pick up Williams luggage and take the boat train to join

the wealthy and enamored Mrs Fielding in France after which Williams and Mrs Williams could have returned to England or not as they pleased quite a student of criminology remarked Whimsy at the conclusion of this little Adventure he'd studied Rous and furnace all right and profited by their mistakes pity he overlooked that matter of the cast porcelain makes a quicker job does it Lampo well more haste less speed I do Wonder though at what point of the proceedings Williams actually died shut up said Mr Lampo and by the way I've still got to finish that filling

for you [Music]