[Applause] this was a story that I thought would never happen a day I thought would never come a story that began nineteen years before that when I realized that I was different from the other boys being a teenager is something that can be very very awkward going through puberty liking girls while her voice is cracking feeling the rush of hormones that comes with her first crush but there was one part in my story that was different the very essence of what made me a boy didn't work simple as that little then was asleep and wouldn't
wake up not just asleep little van was in a coma it's okay to chuckle we've been conditioned as men we've been conditioned as humans to laugh about our privates and not talk about it in public no no we don't talk about our privates in public but here what I want to share with you is that it's okay to talk about it because when we don't talk about it then we don't see it as being normal and what I've gone is I've gone through so many years accepting my condition as normal and not talking about it
so this hidden shame was something that lingered with me for so many years and that really affected me and that took me straight to the next part of my life which was my party life I ran right into the party scene I remember seeing my sister going and losing all her party ambitions left right and center and having it been crushed by my dad where my dad would say things like what no no party for you or he would say those people you call friends bad bad bad influences but I devised ways to affect to
avoid these objections I went dad I'm going out and before my dad could do something about it I replied to the tempo that never got in objection so what didn't know is right behind my house were seven of my bad bad influences waiting for me in a stretch limousine going to the club needless to say I was going to the temple every Friday night and sometimes Saturday's too so the more my secret got dark on the inside the more I made my like my life look bigger and brighter on the outside I was the epitome
of what every 18-year old man wanted to be my friends would approach me and say brown sugar I wish I had your life and I would whisper no no I promise you don't want to have my life so little then spent most of his teenage and young adult years going through and asleep moment a moment where he was in a coma and no matter how try how much I tried to wake him up it wouldn't wake up it's okay to talk about it it's okay to laugh about it because that made me realize how much
I wanted this to be normal while our society was still seeing this as a taboo topic so I went through so much time together thinking about what to do of my situation and what that led to me was a moment a breakthrough and it started at the age of 28 that was a turning point in my life that was a point more my secret got so big it became so powerful that my dream was to just run away from my family and everybody that I loved to disappear because I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't
it was very very difficult for me and I remember that day that at that time I had courage to actually get some help and that had been the most powerful decision that I've ever done in my life so I went to see a doctor I was mortified I was petrified but the doctor was so kind and understandable and he said then we see this all the time it's okay and right with these few words so much has been lifted off my shoulders I felt so great and in conversation with my doctor I realized how much
erectile dysfunction is something that can easily be cured with a simple pill in most situations in my case it was a bit more complicated and we spent most of 2011 going through so many different treatments like pills injections acupuncture even holistic solutions like breath work to bring the concentration of blood we left no stones unturned but all of these solutions failed and at that point little ven was brought in a room and was put on a silver tray and a lot of doctors were looking at my situation and they were analyzing it taking pictures looking
at it from side to side talk about the pressure to perform but then my doctor came back to me he looked at all the assessments he also looked at my history and he determined that because of my erectile dysfunction stemming from an injury my only option was a surgery at this point I was willing to try anything and I remember waking up from the surgery and my doctor looked at me and asked him one question and he nodded little van was no longer in a coma I felt so good I felt so great I was
ready to take a little van 2.0 and hit the town running I said put me in coach because I'm ready to play so I was ready to go back into the town I went in running running right into a brick wall first batter up strike out second batter up little Ben again strike out I was devastated I couldn't believe it how did I go through a surgery and still be back in the same situation that I was before my surgery and I felt so bad and I went up to the doctor and I said doctor
you said you were going to fix this and he looked at me very calmly and he said then we did fix this we did our part we fixed the physical part and now it's time for you to do your part it's time to take this from the physical to the mental you need to address the mental issue related to this now you can imagine 28 year old van thinking what do you think I'm crazy oh my god I'm like there is no way I'm going to see a therapist my name is van there is no
way I'm seeing a therapist two days later at my first therapy session I was standing right in front of a girl who looked just about my age my therapist dr. Sophia and ran in front of us was a box of tissue seriously I'm supposed to cry as well so we went together and we spoke about different things we explored different conversations like how I'll never be able to get married how I'll never be able to have children how I'll be a disappointment to my parents my family my community my friends and we went through so
many different conversations how I wanted to disappear from the people that I loved and the more I talked about my erectile dysfunction the more I realized that erectile dysfunction was not the only thing that was going on this was about my entire life the relationships with my family my friends my community how I define masculinity and being a man and so we spoke and the more we talked the more I healed and the more I healed the more I was able to face my family my friends seldom exactly what my situation had been what was
my story and I was able to redefine what it meant to be a man sex and masculinity and that really transformed my life that really made a big impact so now I was at my final therapy session my therapist looked at me said then you're ready it's time for you to go out there and to find someone to share your life with and she gave me my final tissue so I was back in the dating scene ready to bring out little van ready to bring it out in a way that I haven't done before this
time there was no stretch limousine there was no clubbing I went online and I created a profile and I uploaded photos with me and I swipe left I swipe right and I kept looking until I saw a girl that caught my smile her smile caught my heart her name was a Leona and the way she smiled in her pictures I just had that feeling that she was the one and I was right she was so let's go back to the Taj Mahal that moment where maybe we're talking about whether she said yes or no but
it wasn't just about her yes or her response it was about reclaiming my life taking myself out of the dark and into the light and now you're probably wondering did she say yes of course she did who wouldn't want a little bit of brown sugar you're probably also wondering how did little Ben do I'm happy to report that little van is hitting home runs and our families are very excited that I would add a third member to her team know this is very important because as I looked at the stats online to see if this
was only my story or the story of other people I saw that Yale Medicine says that one out of four men under the age of 40 are affected by erectile dysfunction the Massachusetts male aging study the biggest study of its kind has said that 300 million men globally will be affected by erectile dysfunction by the age by the year 2025 that's a lot of people and that's a lot of shame if we don't tackle this situation that's this way and accepting it as our normal so it has been very difficult for me to share my
story but it's something that I want to do because this is no longer about my story this is about taking myself from out of the dark and into the light so that if other people are going through that same story that they know that there are hands waiting to grab theirs that they also have a second chance to life a second chance to have a happy ending so if you feel that this story is something that resonates with you please share it with someone you love and do this for me and little then thank [Applause]
