an invitation to dinner every other day without considering my feelings or my situation. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and frankly, beyond frustrated. After all of this, I felt like my voice was not being heard, and that my needs were being disregarded.
It's important for both of us to find a balance that respects my wellbeing and also acknowledges the family's presence, but it has to be done in a way that doesn't leave me feeling overburdened. I just hope that we can communicate better moving forward, or else this could create more strain in our relationship. A pregnant woman should not be expected to cook for a bunch of people every other day after a long day at work and be fine with it.
That's their problem and not mine. I had been pushed to the very edge by him and his family, and I was already feeling quite irritable. In spite of him being my husband, he was doing nothing to understand my situation and only cared about himself and his family and how they perceived us.
I don't think my husband understands any of that because, as soon as I told him that I was not going to apologize to anybody, he started losing it. He began yelling at me in the room, telling me that I was being supremely disrespectful to his family and that it reflected poorly on both me and him. He told me that I had embarrassed him in front of his sister and his brother-in-law, and for that, I needed to apologize because he was sure that his parents were going to find out about this as well.
I kept trying to argue with him and explain my side of things, as I mentioned earlier, but he was just not ready to hear me out. After a while, I got so frustrated and exhausted trying to explain to him why I was so upset that I just gave up. I stopped arguing with him and let him continue to talk while I started packing my stuff.
When he realized that I had started packing, he told me I couldn't just run away from the situation and expect everything to be fine, but I didn't even care. I just continued to pack, and he went away to sit and sulk in the living room. Once I had packed a bag for myself, I decided to get a cab and came here to my parents' house.
I left while he was sitting in the living room; he saw me leave, but he did not say anything to try and stop me. A couple of days have passed since then, and he has made no attempt to contact me but has spoken to my parents. That's because when I showed up at my parents' place, they were very confused as to what was going on.
When I explained the situation to them, they told me that they knew I was right about the way I reacted, but we still had to deal with the situation, and not talking to each other was just not a solution. I made it very clear to them that I was not going to reach out to him unless he apologized. So yesterday, my parents decided to call him up to talk some sense into him, but after the phone call, I found out that my parents had not been able to get him to see my side at all.
Instead, he told them that he was simply not interested in hearing my side of the story because, regardless of what I was going through, the way I had behaved was not okay. He had literally said that there was simply no excuse because apparently, he thought I had acted like a total brat by throwing a temper tantrum instead of keeping my emotions in check. So the problem right now is that he thinks I should have saved my outburst for later and not behave that way in front of his family, even if I had a problem with what was going on.
He even threw in some accusations of me trying to isolate him from his family because I don't like them, but I don't think that I did anything wrong, and even his accusations are totally bogus in my opinion. So, I don't feel bad for telling my husband to make dinner himself if he wanted to cater to his family. **Update 1:** Hey, first of all, thank you so much to everybody who commented on my post and had advice for me.
Thank you for letting me know that I am not the asshole (NTA). I had seriously begun to doubt myself after whatever my parents told me because, honestly, on the phone call with my parents, he had sounded pretty convincing, and I had started to second-guess myself. But honestly, the more I think about it, the more I realize how entitled he has been acting.
Both of us have corporate jobs and come back home around the same time. We had started living together about two years before we got married, and we always split the chores. It was all mutually decided, and we have always stuck with that system since then.
So I really didn't have an issue with cooking; in fact, I really like cooking, and it's one of my favorite pastimes. Cooking for two is easy enough, but when he started getting me to cook for guests so frequently, that became annoying. Even before marriage, when his family or sometimes even my family would visit us, I wouldn't have an issue cooking for all of them.
What I really had a problem with was him treating me like his housemaid while I was pregnant and expecting me to bend over backward for him and his family. If he has a problem with me standing up for myself and snapping on just one occasion after trying to deal with this as civilly as I possibly could, then I think the problem is actually him and not me. A couple of people in the comments said that his family had no part to play in this, but honestly, I don't agree with that.
They know I'm pregnant; they know that I'm suffering from morning sickness; they know that I'm working the same hours that he does, and yet they don't have the common sense to decline to have dinner at. . .
Our house and make me cook for all of them. His mom has been pregnant; so has his sister, and they're all working women. I'm pretty sure that they were aware of the fact that this was not easy for me to cope with every other day.
Since my husband was not making it easier for me, the least they could have done was at least try and look out for me, since they are so big on family values. On top of that, there were the accusations that he made about me trying to isolate him from his family. If I had never liked them right off the bat, I never would have been cooking for them before we got married or even afterward.
I never would have tolerated their presence in my house in the first place, and I would have started trying to isolate him from his family before I got pregnant and wouldn't have waited until now. Like, that's just common sense. Anyway, it doesn't matter now because I have made up my mind that I'm not going back to him unless he apologizes, and if he doesn't, then I guess I'll have to speak to a lawyer.
Update 2: So it has been one week since the incident and also since I left home, and my husband hasn't bothered to contact me yet; neither have I spoken to him, so I'm guessing I might have to start looking for lawyers. His parents have convinced me even more that I need to start seeking legal help because I recently had a chat with them over the phone, and it was not pleasant. They called me up last evening, and in the beginning, they were trying to be quite supportive.
They told me that they had heard about what had happened the other day and they also knew that we had not been on speaking terms for almost a week. My mother-in-law told me that she could understand what I was going through. She was trying to sound sincere, and I almost believed her until she said that even though she knew that I wasn't completely wrong, she did think that I overreacted a little bit and her son was completely right in demanding that I apologize to his family for it.
She told me to put myself in his shoes and think about how I would be if he had treated my family like that, with such a disrespectful tone. Then she said that keeping a family together is hard work and we have to put in an effort into a marriage to make it work. So now her advice to me would be to swallow my pride and go back to him and try to make this work because I can't just leave home because of such petty matters, especially when I'm pregnant.
That was really annoying for me to hear because I thought that everything that she said to me she should have been saying to her son. If she really could understand where I was coming from, she would probably also be able to understand that I was right in having an outburst the other day. And because marriage was hard work, would it be too unrealistic for me to expect my husband to put in that hard work, especially when he is wrong?
Even though he is aware of the fact that I am pregnant, he hasn't bothered to check up on me, and neither has he spoken to me. It's not just my baby; it's his baby too, and yet it's very obvious that he doesn't seem to care because he thinks that no matter what he does or how he behaves, I should just suck it up and let it go. And that's not just what he thinks; his parents also seem to feel the same way about the situation.
Right now, what I don't understand is why he's not expected to let it go. After all, he is the one who put me in a difficult spot, in spite of me telling him repeatedly not to keep inviting his family over for dinner so frequently because it was exhausting for me to do all the cooking. I tried to explain all of this to my in-laws on the phone because I seriously thought that they were going to understand, but I was wrong.
Because as soon as I started explaining this to them, they started telling me that I was just making up excuses for myself and my behavior. They told me that at the end of the day, I had to go back to my husband and I couldn't just stay with my parents and expect things to work out on their own because that was really childish of me. They also told me that the only reason they were even getting involved was because even though the situation was my fault, I had already tried to get my parents involved and tried to manipulate him into apologizing to me by having my parents call him.
So I had to clarify that I did not make my parents contact them; they had done that on their own and they had not even asked him to apologize to me. They had just wanted him to speak to me once instead of ignoring me. And this whole sermon that they were subjecting me to, I told them that they should stop wasting their time and say it to their son instead because I'm not interested anymore.
I guess my mother-in-law got offended at that because then she started calling me names and stuff, and that's when I hung up because I'm not here for that. So far, it was just my husband that I was upset with, but now that his family is slowly getting involved, I guess I'm getting to see their true colors as well. I had already been thinking about speaking to an attorney, but.
. . I had been holding myself back because I did not want to go to a place from where I could not come back easily.
The only reason I was waiting was because of the baby; I did not want to ruin whatever I had so far because of one fight. But now I see that my husband is willing to do that, and so is his family. If I'm being frank, at this point I don't see the point of waiting anymore because, so far, if I had been staying because of the baby, now I'm going to leave because of the baby as well.
I don't want to stay in a situation where I'm not respected and I'm not valued enough, which is exactly what's happening here. So, thanks to his family, I think now I'm finally going to be filing for a divorce. As for custody, I'm ready to settle for partial custody, and he can have as much time with his baby as he wants to; I'm not going to hold that against him.
But on a personal level, we are done now. **Update Three:** So, it's been nine days since my last update, and after that phone call from my in-laws, I decided to start looking for divorce attorneys so I could file for divorce. Within a couple of days, I had started speaking to one guy that a friend of mine knew personally, and we filed for divorce a few days after that.
I guess yesterday my husband was finally served, so he finally bothered to call me up. I don't think he had seen this coming because he sounded pretty shocked on the phone and asked me if I really wanted to go through with this. I felt really bad saying it because I had really been in love with him for all these years, but now I don't think love is enough.
There has to be a certain amount of respect in a relationship as well, and that was clearly not present here, because otherwise he wouldn't have treated me like this, and he definitely wouldn't have made those accusations against me. So, I told him that I actually intended on going through with this because, after the conversation that I had with his parents, I really couldn't pretend that everything was fine anymore. They had shown me their true colors, and the biggest reason why I was filing was not even them; it was his behavior.
If he had bothered to reach out to me before being served, just once, maybe I would have changed my mind. But the way he was treating me, like giving me the cold shoulder, was the biggest punishment of all, as if the silent treatment was going to teach me a lesson. It was just weird.
I told him that I was really upset with the changes in his behavior that had come ever since I got pregnant, and I was having a hard time reconciling this new personality of his with the guy I used to know. Besides, if he was not even going to talk to me, I did not see the point of staying together with him. I had waited long enough before making the move.
In fact, even after I had filed for divorce, I was still waiting for him to contact me, but he did not do so; he only bothered to reach out once he realized that I was seriously going to leave. I couldn't help but start getting choked up while I was talking to him because I got really emotional since it hit me that I was speaking to him after a really long time, and we were talking about breaking up. It was a huge deal, so I couldn't help it.
Unfortunately, he didn't even say anything to try and fix things after I explained all these things to him. There was no apology; he just asked me if I was going to file for full custody as well, and when I said no, he just disconnected the call without even saying bye. So that was that, and I guess this is the end because I don't see how we can ever bounce back from this.
He has made it very clear that he's not going to apologize no matter what, and you know what? I respect that. At least we both know that it's over.
**Update Four:** Hey, so he is not contesting the divorce, and it's a relief, but it's also really sad for me. I had really never even thought this day would come, but here we are. We have already started the mediation sessions, but that's just for the custody arrangement since we have always kept our assets and stuff, so that's not going to be a problem.
We don't even have any extraordinary demands from each other for the divorce, so that's going to be an easy process. The two of us already have a verbal agreement; we are just going to need to sign off on the legal paperwork, and then we'll be done with it. But about the custody arrangement, that's going to be a bit tricky because we are getting divorced before the baby is even born, and we know that we can't afford to have our newborn travel back and forth every week just so we can have enough time with our child.
Currently, given this scenario, we are considering the idea of allowing our baby to live with me full-time, and my husband can come and go as he pleases. I'm going to be staying with my parents, so he knows where I am, and this is what we are considering for the first couple of years until our baby needs me a little less. I mean, biologically, our baby is going to need me the most once he's born, so we're just keeping that in mind.
It's going to be difficult. Him over every other day after the baby is gone, and I'm pretty sure that his family is also going to visit. But that's how we are going to have to deal with it.
We have managed to be civil with each other so far during the mediation. We are hoping that we can carry that forward, even after the previous bond, because we really don't want any negativity at this point. **Update five:** Hi!
So quite a few months have passed since my last update, and I'm currently in my third semester, which means that I've gone on maternity leave. A pretty long time has passed since I last spoke to my in-laws or anybody from my husband's family. In fact, the only person that I have mainly been in touch with outside of my own family and friends has been my husband, or my soon-to-be ex-husband, to be more precise.
I had completely forgotten that I had had bad blood with my in-laws after the last conversation that we had, so when they called me a couple of days back, I answered the phone quite cordially, and it seemed to surprise them. A few seconds after, I realized that I had had a fight with them the last time that we spoke. I toned it down as well, but luckily the way that I answered the phone had set the tone of the conversation already, and they were very polite with me throughout the phone call.
They didn't exactly apologize, but they did say that they regretted the fact that things were turning out to be like this. They also brought up our last fight and said that they should have dealt with the situation better, which is not exactly an apology, but it's not nothing, so it's something at least. I told them that it was all in the past and tried to make it seem like it was not a big deal, because honestly, at this point, it really wasn't.
I mean, my husband and I are literally getting divorced; I don't think anything regarding them is going to be a big deal for me compared to that. They seemed thankful that I was downplaying it and told me that they would really be grateful to me if I allowed them to visit their grandkid after my baby was born. Given the current circumstances, that was basically their way of saying that regardless of the fight that we had in the past, they still wanted to be an active part of their grandbaby's life, and I obviously said that they were welcome to visit.
I don't really have to do any chores here at my parents' house; they have a housekeeper, and my mom does most of the cooking, so I don't have to work myself to the bone when we have guests like I had to when I was living with my husband. That's a major part of the reason why I said that they were free to visit whenever they wanted to after my baby was born. I could have declined and been petty, but I chose not to because now that I'm going to be a mother, I'm trying to be a better person as well.
I really don't want to carry forward any negativity into motherhood, and that includes forgiving people, even ones who had gotten on my very last nerve previously. **Update six:** Hi guys! So the divorce has been finalized.
It happened a couple of weeks back, and a few days ago, I gave birth to my son. A lot of people were there, like my family and my husband and his family. We had a bit of a moment when he first got to hold our son, and it was really emotional.
Both of us were thrilled, and still are. For some reason, it feels like we are back to being the people that we were before everything went wrong. He has been staying with us here in my parents' house so he can spend as much time as he possibly can with the baby.
We don't stay in the same room, though; he's been staying in the guest room. He had been here for a couple of days before the predicted due date because he did not want to miss even a second of the birth. I mean, it's really hard for me not to get sentimental about all of these things because the divorce is still fresh and I haven't exactly moved on from him yet.
It became even more difficult for me when, after the birth that night, he was helping me out and stuff, and he finally apologized for everything. He told me that he was really sorry that he had to put me through all of this. He hadn't realized how difficult it had become for me, and by the time he did have that realization, it was way too late.
I had already filed for a divorce, and he had accepted it and told me that it had probably been the worst decision of his life not to fight for me. It got me really emotional, and I had to fight myself really hard so I did not end up completely sobbing and stuff in front of him. I mean, I don't really hope that we can repair our relationship so quickly and go back to being the way that we used to be.
That's definitely not going to happen anytime soon, and right now, I just want to focus on being a mother. But who knows? This is definitely a start.
Before this, he wasn't even willing to acknowledge the fact that he had messed up, but now at least he's willing to admit that he did not treat me as well as he should have. Anyway, all I'm saying is that if there is even the slightest chance that we can make it work. .
. Even after everything that has happened, I would like to take that chance. He has been really great so far, and if at some point we loved each other and we wanted to make it work, I don't see why we can't go back to that point again.
Especially now, since our baby is here, I want to give our son the chance to have a normal family life. So who knows, maybe we might put our differences aside. But for now, I'm just happy to be a mother.
