Look, if they want to go through your bags, all you got to do is grab the bag without the drugs. If they don't, then grab the bag with the drugs. That's how we get the drugs through.
We alternate it like that. Everybody on the plane was like, "Bet . " "Dope.
" "Yeah, let's do it. " I said, that don't work for me. I don't like that plan.
I don't f****** like it. My name on my bag. Don't touch my bag.
You touch my bag. I'll tell. I'll f****** tell.
I'll never forget it. It's a true story. We're landing in Mexico.
Plane goes down. I look out the window, look like an episode of Narcos. I've never seen more Mexican officers in my godd*** life.
They stay in the air. They got the dogs. I've never seen dogs look through the window of a plane.
The dogs. When I saw that, when I saw the dogs, I said, Oh, boy, y'all going to jail? Y'all going to f****** jail?
They smell it. The dogs smell it already. Little Mexican man comes on a plane after the door goes down.
He starts speaking Spanish. Keep in mind, I don't know Spanish. I know a couple of words, and I know the rhythm.
I know the rhythm of Spanish. For the purpose of this joke, I'm gonna hit you with the rhythm. The reason why is because I want you to feel like you were there.
I'm telling you ahead of time. These are not real words, okay? They're not real words.
It's going to sound like it, but it's just the rhythm. But don't make me laugh because I got to stay in the character. Don't make me f****** laugh.
So he started off he started off calm and then escalated. This is exactly what he did. Okay.
Donde? Donde. Donde.
Donde esta? Hmm? Donde esta nuera?
. Nuera. Que tiaro.
Salty Sotto siete. [Fake Spanish] Looking right at me. He looked at me dead in the f****** eye.
He go, que, que. I don't know what the f*** que mean. But he wanted an answer.
He looked right at me. I panicked. I didn't know what to f****** do.
I panicked. I said, queso. So I just said it.
I said, queso. I thought about the cheese. Queso cheese.
I don't know what the f***. Queso. He thought I was being a smart ass.
He said Oh. Queso. No diano.
No diano. You ever hear Spanish people talk real fast and it just sounds like a bunch of clicks? This is this is what he said.
[Fast speaking Spanish] [Fast speaking Spanish] Exito! This is my nightmare. We going to jail.
I get up. I got my hands up. I'm cooperating.
We get off the plane. They got a security booth right there. You got to get in the booth one by one.
When you get in the booth, you got to press the button. When you press the button, it go red light or green light. Let me tell you something right now, if you press that button and you get a red light, you can cancel Christmas.
It's over for you. You hear me? It's over for you.
It get dark as f*** when you press that button. It's red. [Fake Spanish] You press the button, it's green, they're a different person get.
Que pasa! Put a f****** hat on you and start dancing. Dum, dum, dum.
You don't want to dance, but you're scared. So you do it anyway. Please don't kill me.
I'm first. I got to press the f****** button. He's looking right at me.
I almost said. I almost said they got drugs. I swear to God, I was f****** nervous.
My stomach was bubbling, my ass was wet. I was farting. It was too much.
I was nervous.
