How to Control Your Emotions: Feelings VS Behavior - Jocko Willink & Echo Charles

you might get frustrated right now because you haven't eaten and your blood Sugar's low but I'm going to be I'm going to use the echo Charles approach of a that's weakness right it's weakness for me to be getting angry its weak for me to be complaining because I'm honest the tail end of a 72-hour fast that's just weakness not gonna complain what are you talking about you don't need to eat for 30 days people can go 30 days without eating my daughter when she was cutting weight for wrestling this past season she would say that

she'd say you know I'd be getting today you know dad I would get really hungry and then I just think people can live for 30 days without eating I think I can make it through the next eight hours come on not that big of a deal there's no reason to get hangry that's just an excuse don't do it carry on with your airborne self I'll see you know I said this before there's a difference between how you feel and then how you behave you know trill can get hangry on the inside but once you start

behaving like you just do man get angry on the inside yeah Trading Places they'll be good like that yeah very good yeah actually now that I think about it when I was doing deployments captain attorney back in the day in the 90s we watched there was nothing to do on a ship we have an internet no one wrote us letters no one cared about us there's no no all we did was play spades and watch movies and with movies we watch for on videotape this is darker than Jay only four cds before netflix you had

video taping we had a crate full of videos and so we were watching the same you know cheesy movies over and over and over again probably Trading Places was one of them so if you go got it if you were to go back further in the movies you're not because because what am i five years older than you yeah that's it five or six years yeah so I'm just five or six years ahead of you on movies so there's a whole bunch of cheesy movies that I actually know about that you might not know about

yeah they're crazy were getting an overlap trailer bassist really police is iconic in Turkey the man oh yeah but hangry right karate man we don't inside tang I like that word hangry by the way that's in fun plenty but that implies that you're kind of like oh I'm hangry you know like like you're expressing yourself yeah you know don't express yourself yeah your emotions in keep it on the edge and act like a winner you can feel like a loser on the inside yeah I can feel hangry but act like don't act like that'll ever

let other people see you be all give a dick like that oh yeah I haven't eaten for days whatever whatever you know what you hear this joke you just haven't eaten six days yeah no big deal yeah I'm gonna go change a jitter what are you doing yeah nothing bill so yeah what do you want to be around being weak so rude I'll be over here doing something else yeah yeah so yeah separate separate your feeling and your behavior and typically one it's the any no you even have a word for yeah you did not

like we're wrapped up on you and I had it I had no control over it no you identified it gave it a name everything and if I mean if my experience serves me a lot of times when people say like all I have I get hangry or I'm PMSing or whatever it's to explain their common behavior meaning they just let it go they embrace that's how it's actually that's how it is for them yeah kind of thing please forgive me I'm hangry yeah yeah I get like that sometimes when I get about and you just

let it go you know be like that on inside be good on the outside separate the feelings versus behavior next question stifle your emotions inside you know they say like if you get like emotions you gotta like let it out but you tell or whatever yeah I guess as it turns out that's not true no because if you internet you know how you say stifle oh well the reason I kind of say that with sarcasm is because I think that the for instance yeah you like you're saying people these days they say oh yeah emotions

out you gotta let your emotions out you got if you got cry cry if you and I understand where that's coming from and you can get to a point as a person if there's something that's really traumatic that's happening and all you do is hold it in and I've seen guys get destroyed over that because they're not expressing the emotions that they have but that's at a big level right at a daily level no you don't express those things you keep them inside that's what I say it like that like I'm feeling kind of sarcastically

I think I'm being serious yeah you know it just don't let your emotions out and into the world yeah keep them for yourself own them yeah keep them for yourself don't share them with other people if you don't have to yeah now again people are gonna freak out that I'm saying this don't bury your emotions because that what happens when you bury your when you've got something really traumatic that you bury then it eats you apart and I've talked about that I mean talking about things that you go through in life and and expressing those

feelings if you have matter that's good but what we're talking about is not that what we're talking about is daily emotions little ups and downs little tick marks on your Richter scale we're not talking about an eight point eight on the Richter scale right we're talking about just like little twos yeah and when you express the twos and threes on the Richter scale out to people you just look unstable angry that's a - yeah that's - yeah overall and and not to split hairs or nothing but overall it's it's more about dealing with your emotions

quote-unquote so yeah if you if you it's a good conducive way to deal with your emotions is to let them out and they look at different kinds of emotions like if you're sad if something's eating you up on the inside because of sadness or whatever and it's conducive to your recovery development whatever to express yeah those emotions then yes but if you're hangry and you lose your temper on your kit that's not good you're not dealing your emotions correctly so in strike on bullshit but it's not it really it is stifling them but before you

stifle them you're identifying are like oh hey I'm hangry okay I identified that I'm gonna separate feelings from behavior that's dealing with your emotions right there that's you yeah but it's a great point that often times expressing your emotions to the world doesn't improve your situation or your position at all correct in fact I would say that most of the time expressing your emotions to the world sets you back and that is why I vote in many cases just stifle your emotions keep them in ya don't let other people see did you put your cards

on the table right you put your emotional cards on the table now you can't gamble anymore you can't you're not in the game anymore the person knows what's going on maybe you're giving it to them you're not gonna know what I'm thinking you're gonna think I'm just everything's cool with me yeah we're training jiu-jitsu right if I'm getting frustrated and I show that to you but what does that do you're getting also you you just go level up you think I gotta be frustrated when I get home I'm working this is working against them if

I'm just saying the same face all the time which is what I do primarily hey same face all the time just work you know move in the same way when you do get me I forget what you say when you get me to react to something good recognize the urgency yeah you say so I recognize a little urgency there and I always go damn I don't want to recognize I'd rather just have you just past my guard and yours is there and we just sit there like it's no big deal they're not human didn't me

get all panicky where they don't you level up a little bit mm-hmm and that's the same thing with life right every time you express these big emotions to your boss or to your team you express these big emotions to your team they see it all your cards don't let them see all your cards is this manipulating kind of right this is one of those things where people think oh transparency we hear that all the time these days transparency it's got to be transmitted no actually you don't yeah not with that you don't have to be

transparent all the time yeah you have to win the game you know what does the football coach go out and Candace playbook to the other football team know you've got to win the game typically not and that's not how you win the game so are we you know what we're doing playing chess it's emotional chest you're playing with other human beings you want to win now if you're winning so I can take advantage of you so I can manipulate you and get something from you that you don't want to give me that's bad I'm not

talking about doing that but if what I'm doing is keeping my calm so that instead of escalating an argument with you I'm getting you to see it from my perspective just by remaining calm that's what we're talking about here you know lave told that story the other day where he tells the story locked it was a hilarious story where I came in we didn't have a chance to talk to each other as he was planning this big operation and I come in 10 minutes before the operation I said hey let me let me see what

you're doing and he kind of shows me on a map hey we're gonna go here here near I was like hey you should do this instead and he was like can we leave in ten minutes and I said man but just think about it he goes you know what you cancel yeah he was all mad right and and you know he's like and Jocko kind of like laughed at me I didn't laugh at him like a Lincoln like a jerk you know but I was like hey listen just think about what I'm saying right now

but that's that's an example right I didn't show my emotions which was which would be more like dude are you serious right now you're gonna cancel an OP because we have a difference of opinion just think about what you I didn't do that all the game and I get it everyone stressed out right now we gotta leave on this thing quickly think about what I'm saying they'll look at this is all I'm saying we could execute this in a better way so that's what I'm talking about does that make me manipulative no it doesn't make

me manipulative it makes us as a team do a better job and as soon as Lafe saw that he's like de-escalated himself he was good to go we move on yes so that's what I'm talking about stifle your emotions at all times but you know and just to address that though for real when you do see the big emotional impactful things in someone's life and they don't express them that absolutely is bad okay where you see this a lot is with kids you know kids teens where they there something bothering them and they don't they

hold it in hold it in because they don't have anybody to talk to that talk to mom and dad because mom and dad don't get it their friends are the people that they're pissed off and the pissed off at anyway so they can't tell them what's going on so they sit there and they harbor a lot of that anger and that can be that can be very problematic and it goes through all through you know adults as well and in you know at work sometimes people will they got problems at home so they can't talk

to their wife because that's what the problem was they can't talk to the husband because that's the source of the problem but then they get to work and they don't want to look like the person that's got problems at all so I'm not going to say anything there either and the next thing you do what are they doing they're trying to escape those problems how are they doing it instead of instead of letting those problems out and talk to something about them they're having a you know having a drink in the afternoon getting on the

alcohol whatever they're doing something that's negative and they're not moving forward at all so those are not the kind of feelings that in emotions that you want to subdue or stifle but these little ones and twos and threes on the Richter scale being angry get-get-get control those things and scary for them stifling certain emotions ones and twos is a good way to deal with them because one means because they're usually real spontaneous emotions anyway I don't and Dell and zil they don't have the power right to sustain yes they're just going to they're there and

they just fade away that's cool that's why yes and then over time now you're good at dealing with them in that way when you get hangry and you've been for one year you've been dealing with it by just ignoring it you know in regards to behavior just not acting on it now you're good at doing that not automatic now you don't get you don't act angry anymore