my partner is planning to propose after telling me for 1.5 years that he's going to do it soon and now I don't want to marry him anymore posted by you/ feisty 8799 my partner bought the ring a long time ago he previously insisted that we had to live together to see if we were compatible before he could propose and that he wouldn't propose otherwise I have been ready for much longer than he has and that's not his fault of course but after waiting and waiting I have gone from anxiety to hope to excitement and finally
just numbness he didn't for me to know but my sister who helped him finalize the ring out of the ones I had liked was happy about it and couldn't keep the secret that he's proposing in just under a week it makes sense now that he was trying to get me to take a couple of days off to go away for a mini break to the town where we met but I couldn't get leave approved she noticed that I've been feeling quite low throughout the holiday season and she thought it was because I was waiting for
a proposal but the reality is that I gave up on it a month or two ago I've tried to convince myself that it's what I still want but that ship has sailed it's quite strange to be in the process of gradually falling out of love with him he's 29 and I'm about to turn 29 I fear I'm being irrational here because in total we've been together for only 3 years but he's been telling me for 1.5 years that he will soon propose I feel compelled to say yes now because everything is in place but I
don't feel in love with him anymore he seems happy to talk about marriage now and has brought up marrying in Autumn several times and I wish I still felt the same Joy at discussing wedding plans that I did before update 3 days later in the middle of 23 he said he was going to propose soon but a year later he still hadn't and finally admitted he wouldn't until we lived together even though he had already bought a ring this was despite me asking him a couple of times what was holding things up and he always
assured me it would happen soon after he finally shared this with me he kept insisting I move in even though I wasn't interested in doing so before an engagement but I did because of how much I loved him and the resentment has been slowly building ever since I know it's my fault for moving in and I should have been firmer about my boundaries he knew from very early on that I didn't want to set up a household or home with a partner without an engagement early in the relationship 8 to 9 months in he wanted
me to move in but I told him that I wouldn't do that with someone unless I was going to marry the person and was engaged he said at the time that it was okay and that he understood so why did he say he was going to propose soon last year knowing where we stood on this matter knowing he was going to propose but realizing I didn't want to marry him anymore I told him on Saturday night that we couldn't be together anymore he didn't take it well he told me I had blindsided him and that
he thought we both wanted a future together he initially said he didn't know what he did wrong and I had to explain to him that he knew we had issues regarding him always having his way in him knowing I was uncomfortable about moving in before an engagement the truth is whenever we disagreed I always ended up giving in he doesn't compromise and isn't very flexible I've pointed this out to him before and he accepted that it was an issue yet nothing changed now that I'm ending things he's saying he'll work on it and that it's
not something to break up over we could probably work through the resentment and improve our communication but I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way about him again also given that he kept saying he was going to propose soon but waited for 18 months I worry that he might again drag his feet when it comes to other things like having kids or even planning the wedding he woke up this morning the 31st the day he was planning to propose on because it's our anniversary and said he couldn't believe what was happening he said
it didn't feel real because we should be getting engaged today but instead we were in the process of breaking up he even asked at one point if we could try again saying our relationship had been happy for both of us and that living together we had been very compatible irrespective of how I felt about moving in he asked if I would consider giving the relationship another chance if we took a break from each other for some time again I don't think this is a good idea the days since I ended the relationship had been really
tough but it was the right thing to do because we are incompatible people in my previous post mentioned that I just wanted to marry and get engaged and didn't care who to but that's not true my ex whom I was with from University was Keen to marry me and brought it up soon after we started our first jobs however there were a range of issues in that relationship and I didn't think it would work so after trying to resolve our issues and not being able to for a year I had to end that relationship if
marriage and engagement were all I wanted I would have married him and ignored the issues I genuinely thought my current partner well X now and I were a great match but I suppose I was wrong I was living in a flat with a friend and it was ideal for me in every way I had to find someone to take over my lease and I did this to move in with him now I have to start looking for a new place again I've already started unfortunately I live in a city where finding a place won't be
too difficult my friend said I should not move out in a rush since I'm paying half the rent toward his place but the reality is that this place never felt like home because I moved in begrudgingly again I know it's my fault but I can't live in what is essentially his home if we aren't going to be together my sister said that I should think about the fact that I'm going to be 29 and how it might be difficult to find someone to have children with before I hit my mid-30s but it's better to be
single than in a relationship that's not right I know I might not meet anyone else anytime soon or at all because you never know what life is going to bring but that's okay there are other things in my life that I plan to focus on like studying for a postgraduate diploma that I have been wanting to do for some time I know he'll be fine soon as he's quite resilient and then both of us can get on with our lives commenter everybody is entitled to their own views and feelings but personally I wouldn't get engaged
to someone until after I've lived with them for a while incompatibilities like cleanliness sleep habits snoring diet Etc can easily break down a relationship let alone a marriage what if he snores and you're a light sleeper what if you're pretty sloppy and he's extremely neat what if you love cooking Foods he can't stand the smell of little things build resentment but what isn't reasonable is saying you're going to propose insisting there's no reason it hasn't happened yet and then finally admitting that you don't want to get engaged until you've lived together he sucked to communicating
that like I'm sorry but if you're telling someone for a year and a half that you're proposing soon and you have this secret requirement that you're not sharing that's messed up especially since he apparently knew from about 8 months in that she didn't want to move in unless she was engaged that was the point in time to say well I think we should live together before I propose and figure out if they were compatible then rather than wasting another 2 years
