How To Avoid The Adult Toddler Husband Trap

hello everyone for those who don't know me I am Holly Trantham tfds creative director and this is the totally chill guide to work and life so for the past eight years I've been working behind the scenes on all of the content you see here on YouTube and Elsewhere on tfds channels and I also wrote our second book beyond getting by which is coming out this April throughout this series I'm going to dive into some of the topics I go into even more in depth than the book all about how to approach your work and your money from a totally chill place where they help you live the life you want without ever becoming your Soul Focus whether you are married partnered or living an amazing single life where your biggest responsibility is your feral cat colony no judgment that sounds amazing we all have a future to think about we imagine our retirement age shelves as completely separate from who we are today but the reality is that in order to get the best chance at the future you want to have you have to start planning for it as soon as possible betterment is the investing and savings app that puts your money to work and your mind at ease with their expert built ETF portfolios you are automatically Diversified across thousands of stocks and bonds at once meaning your money can multitask in the background while you do literally anything else plus their automated investing in tax smart tools are designed to help maximize your returns so you can feel secure knowing your money is putting in the work get started be invested go to betterment. com tfd or click the link in this video's description to sign up in minutes your future self will thank you if there is one question we are trying to find the answer for here at tfd it is how did having an incompetent husband become an entire genre of Comedy humor reflects reality I guess because the Bleak truth is that despite making major strides in the last several decades when it comes to women in the workforce we are still facing a wide Gap when it comes to domestic labor according to a study from the Pew Research Center in marriages that are otherwise egalitarian men are spending more time on leisure activities or relax ing 25. 2 hours per week than our women who get a median 21.

6 hours while these wives are logging an average 4. 6 hours worth of housework compared to their husband's 1. 9 hours throw kids into the mix and the disparities deepen in households with children under 18 women spend 12.

2 hours a week on caregiving compared to their husband's 9 hours and it's not simply about money and the lower earner defaulting to taking on more household responsibilities because even when a woman is the bread winner in an opposite sex relationship she is still more likely to take on the majority of household responsibility the Pew report found that there's only one type of opposite sex marriage where women don't perform more unpaid work than their husbands when the wife is the sole Breadwinner but even then the husband and wife spend the same amount of time on household chores each week this is not saying that women or men who earn less than their spouses should take on an outsized amount of household responsibility it's still demonstrating how women in these relationships are defaulting to constantly being the default caretaker even when the previous reasoning for this default Dynamic I. E men providing financially while women provide domestically no longer applies and of course we cannot talk about domestic labor without talking about the curse that is having it all now unlearning gender roles we were all raised with is easier said than done but especially for those of us who were coming of age in a post Sex in the City era we have been cursed with the idea that we can and should have it all the impressive career and the loving marriage and being a present parent and having time for a social life and having fulfilling personal Hobbies and being able to invest in our physical health the list goes on I don't even have kids and I'm exhausted by the idea of balancing five out of those six things that I just named having it all sounds great but in order to have it all someone has to do it all and in opposite sex relationships the person doing it all often falls on the woman especially when it comes to taking on the mental load of household labor unfortunately none of the waves of feminism have come with a parallel revolution of men of their own valtion taking on more household responsibilities I do not believe men are helpless and I do not believe men are irredeemable even if they are currently oblivious to their own learned helplessness but if we valued what we deem women's work as much as we do labor outside the home maybe more men would already be taking on more of these tasks without being asked because it is important work and men should be doing it too before I jump into the howtos of this video I want to address that most of what I've been talking about so far is opposite sex relationships but I do think it's crucial to assess your division of labor no matter what kind of household you're living in straight sis gendermen just happen to be the people who generally have a lot of work to do in this area but whether you live with a romantic partner roommates friends family Etc adults in the same household should be equally invested in making sure they are participating in an equitable household for everyone so in order to stop feeling burdened by taking on everything when it comes to household management start by redefining what your roles mean to you we all have different roles that we play in our lives and we are taught that different roles have different definitions and the idea of having it all means trying to fit into each one of those definitions simultaneously AKA trying to be the most present amazing on top of it bake sale running wife and mother while also being a kick-ass seite executive who manages to go to Pilates with her friends and somehow always has a Perfect manicure and while all of us feel pressure to be good at our roles no one feels that kind of pressure more acutely than mothers in 2017 time conducted a survey of 913 new moms finding that 70% of them felt pressured to mother a certain way I.