Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here in Hollywood. It's very good to have you with us.
We have a lot to get into. Well, that's very nice. I appreciate that.
Please don't ever do it again. Thank you. You know, there's so much going on right now.
There's too much really. And then in other areas, there's not enough going on. Like you remember those um what do you call a um the Epstein files?
You remember those those files Congress voted to legally require the Justice Department to release by December 19th of last year and then December 19th came and went and now it's the end of January and we still don't have them. Well, after dragging this out as long as humanly possible, the Justice Department now says it plans to release the remaining files in the near term. They said they've reviewed millions of pages of materials and made substantial progress deleting the president's name from all of them.
And the sooner how can this still be unresolved? They claim they've had agents working around the clock on this since February of last year. Who's doing the redacting of these files?
This guy, I mean, he'll be done as soon as he finishes that last Game of Thrones book. So Pam Bondi, the attorney general and her flying monkeys told federal judges that the DOJ could not provide a specific date for the release of the files. Like it's the new Harry Styles album or something.
Think about how crazy this is, though. These people have blatantly ignored the law for over a month and nobody's doing anything about it because the people who are supposed to do something about it are the people who are doing it. They're like, "Who's going to prosecute us?
Us? " And I'm starting to feel like Lionus waiting for the great pumpkin here. They made us wait so long.
I feel like if they ever do come out, we need to make it extra special. Like maybe have Bad Bunny read them aloud at the Super Bowl. Half time.
You know, this went kind of unreported. Epstein's accomplice, Gelain Maxwell, dropped a quiet little bombshell. She filed a petition in court that said 29 wealthy men made some kind of settlement deal in which their names wouldn't be revealed in exchange for paying money.
And you know a deal is a deal. You can't go back on it. I wonder how Trump is going to distract us from this one.
Maybe start an Only Fans. Maybe maybe he'll add truck nuts to the Lincoln memorial. I cannot wait to find out.
These Epstein files are like uh Melania's movie. No one's ever going to see them. But at least At least her movie is going to get released this weekend.
The long anticipated documentary Melania will hit theaters. According to the Wall Street Journal, Melania pocketed $28 million of the licensing fee for the film. You know, between this and her marriage, she's probably the highest paid actress in the world.
Melania, the movie is expected to bring in between$1 and5 million at the box office, well behind the horror movie Send Help, which incidentally would have been a much better title for the documentary. The first lady has been making the rounds promoting her film debut. Today, she rang the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange there.
See, good things do happen to rich people. Look at that. They She got her first and second high fives of her life.
And then Melania treated the finance bros assembled to her thoughts on the power of storytelling. >> Visual storytelling and beautiful music create memories for a lifetime. What do you remember when you hear Rolling Stones?
Michael Jackson? >> I don't know. Bubbles the chimp.
I don't know. What is the point? Are you really trying to tell us that this dumb vanity project/corporate bribe is a work of art we're going to remember like the music of Rolling Stones and Michael Jackson?
I mean, the only thing that remind me of Michael Jackson is when it's bad, it's bad. You know it. And it's bad.
I mentioned last night that you know it's bad because twothirds of the crew that shot the movie in New York asked to have their names removed from the credits. Do you have any idea how bad a movie has to be for a crew member to not want a credit? Like remember that weird Cats movie from like five or six years ago?
Everyone got their credits on that one? Everyone. People keep their credits on Matt Damon movies and they don't want it on this.
Donald did not join his wife on Wall Street today. Francis Ford Group has official business hosting a launch party in Washington for his new Trump accounts. These are the Trump accounts are retirement accounts.
parents can contribute to so their kids will have money in savings when AI prevents them from ever having a job. You know, after his son Baron was born, Trump put $130,000 into an account. It uh was it was a porn star's account to keep her quiet, but still.
And of course, the reason he's doing it, the reason he is now giving every child $1,000 of our money signed by him is to cover up for all the bad things he's doing. He's like a deadbeat dad who ignores all the stuff we need, then shows up randomly with a pair of high tops to try to buy our loves. There was a lot of star power at this uh event.
Actress Cheryl Hines was there. Shark Tank judge Kevin Olirri was there. And a very special guest, a woman who has recently emerged as one of the president's most unlikely fans.
>> There's a certain person that's here who's the greatest and most successful female rapper in history. Nicki Minaj. Come on.
And you know there she is. She's right. You see her?
The black woman. The only black woman in the whole room. That's her.
I think Trump's looking for a Nicki Minaj at because she really seems to dig him. This is one of his strangest bed fellows yet. I mean, where is Cardi B with a fistful of shoes when you need her?
Again, this is an event about savings accounts. Nicki Minaj just made a lastm minute midnight payment to avoid losing her house. She's at a savings account event with Donald Trump.
And then just to make it weirder, Nicki had a moment with the squeaker of the house, Mike Johnson, her fellow elf. They were embracing and somebody got Mike's porno accountability partner on the phone and it's going to be okay. I guess the good news is maybe Trump can get somebody other than Vanilla Ice to rap at the Mara Lago New Year's party this year.
Meanwhile, tensions are still high in Minneapolis, where one of Trump's favorite targets, Minnesota Congresswoman Ilan Omar, was attacked with a mystery liquid last night during a town hall. >> Christine Gnome must resign or face impeachment. >> Look at her.
She's looked like Looks like she was about to throw a punch there, right? I mean, I understand why they tackled him, >> but they should have let her beat his ass. That would have been the best.
>> You know, it's scary to get sprayed with something. You don't know what you don't know if it's poison or acid or bodily fluids or if you're Greg Kelly from Newsmax, just a bit of party favor fun. >> It looked to me like silly string, which we used to play with back in the day.
>> Yeah. Back before Silly String went woke, you know, the day. It turns out the liquid that he sprayed on her was apple cider vinegar.
It but it really is amazing how quickly these people jump to whatever conclusion they want to be true. One of Omar's colleagues in the house, this guy Randy Fine from Florida had a take on it that could possibly win him MAGA of the year. >> Well, I've got two thoughts.
First, look, I want Elon Omar to be deported and denaturalized, but I don't want her to be attacked or hurt, and people shouldn't do this sort of thing. But I also blame Elon Omar for what happened. >> That makes sense.
you know, she didn't want to be attacked by a psycho. She should have made the president lie about her. In many ways, she sprayed herself.
Trump also had a disgusting react to this reaction to this. He told ABC News that he hadn't seen the video. He wouldn't uh bother.
And knowing her, she probably had herself sprayed, which not only is that just a ridiculous thing to say, it also sets him up for maybe the easiest joke of all time. She had herself sprayed. Who's doing THIS TO YOU?
YOU GOT TO think Trump has been doing a lot of Ilhan Omar material at his rallies. He she's a a great foil for him. He loves bringing up this lie that she married her own brother, which sounds very random and deranged until you remember how jealous he is that he can't marry a member of his own family.
I think they call that projection. You know, the other night I said the only way that um this nightmare and this gaslighting in Minnesota is going to end is if prominent figures on the right stand up. And we did get a couple, including Kentucky Senator Ran Paul.
When people watch that video and the government tells them, well, he was assaulting the police officers. Nobody with any objectivity watches that video and believes that's what's happening. As the man retreats, with each altercation, he retreats and then the woman is thrown violently to the ground.
He's thrown to the ground. No American believes that he was assaulting the officers. In fact, the opposite appears to be true.
Okay, that's good. Thank you, Ran Paul. That's reasonable.
And and I think the perm looks really good. I really do. It's weird when you see him telling the truth.
It's like when you see uh like a muppet's legs, you know? And then we have another senator, Tom Tillis of North Carolina, who is not a fan of Homeland Security Chief Christy Gnome. >> Senator, do you have confidence in Secretary No?
>> None at all. No. To give you an idea of how incompetent I think she is, she actually thought FEMA should be eliminated.
These are like amateurish assistant manager sort of thought processes going into somebody who's a secretary in a cabinet level position. It's unacceptable. >> All right.
Now do the rest of the cabinet and the guy who stalked it. Tom Tillis is retiring, by the way. He doesn't have to run for office, in case you're wondering why he spontaneously grew a backbone.
But it is nice to see some of these Republicans standing up while the president does his best to change the subject. This morning, he wrote about the NFL Hall of Fame announcements that excluded former Patriots coach Bill Bich. He wrote, "It is the same mindset that gave Pro Football the new and unwatchable kickoff rule that made it possible for Bill Bichc to not be elected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
" both are ridiculous and should be overturned. This is what bothers him when he wakes up in the morning. This is what he thinks our problem is.
But I actually I actually agree with Trump. Uh Bill Bellich is a jerk and a bit of a cheater, but he absolutely should have been voted in the Hall of Fame. The guy's been winning Super Bowls longer than his girlfriend has been alive.
I mean, now I don't know if Coach Bellich is in the market for a new water boy, but if he is, man, our Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, he was testifying before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee this morning, and he put on quite a display of hydration. >> This military action was incredibly brief, targeted, and successful. Uh, Secretary Rubio, we'll now do a uh your description of the fact carefully.
I'm pleased that we are looking at a diplomatic presence when the prices were already too high. >> Goalpost didn't move. Mary Rubio, good to be with you again.
Is critical that you consult with Congress of of taking their oil at gunpoint. Not land well in the Americas. Um, Secretary Rubio oil President Trump have been refocusing.
Vana should be concerned about the Maduro. >> Their influence influence >> right into it because I want to bet I just wanted to clarify. >> Secretary, thank you.
And we hope to have that discussion next week at the subcommittee level. It's Rubio. How is how is that even possible?
Who drinks that many times? And where did it all go? Did he wear a diaper to the hearing?
It you know the little kitty urinal at the men's room. Oh, I bet he ran in and killed that. I bet they had to replace it.
Marco has a big headache on his hands when it comes to our relationships with other countries. Germany has issued a travel advisory warning their citizens that it is dangerous to come to the United States. Their federal foreign office yesterday issued an alert saying German citizens should be aware of demonstrations and clashes with American migration and security authorities.
Now, when Germany tells you your government is becoming too authoritarian, I want to listen to that. I'm going to This is like the This is the um international equivalent of Charlie Sheen showing up at your intervention. Okay, this is what this give you an idea of what these people are working on.
The Secretary of the Interior, this guy Doug Bergam, um there's Doug, desperately fighting erectile dysfunction. Uh, we don't see Doug much because he's been working on a PR campaign to push what they call beautiful, clean Cole with the help of an adorable new mascot. The mascot's name is Coley.
Now, this is a real thing. We did not make this up. They did.
And I guess the goal is to get children excited about coal mining. I don't know. But Coley is is on the job spreading the good word about coal.
You can see there he is in front of a puddle of mud. You got him uh helping to plan a new coal mine. Coley's very busy, but still he managed to make time for us tonight.
And now uh appearing for the first time on television. Please welcome Coley, everybody. Hi, Coley.
There he is. Welcome. Welcome.
How you doing? Hey everybody, it's me Coley here to tell you about the benefits of a healthy, clean, environmentally friendly coal. >> Well, welcome Coley.
It's a pleasure to have you here. >> Thank you, Jimmy. UNDER OUR PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, COAL IS BACK providing providing clean, AFFORDABLE ENERGY AND JOBS.
ISN'T THAT >> YOU? OKAY, >> GREAT. >> You all right?
>> Yeah. >> I mean, yeah, I guess you know it is. It would be great, Coley, but none of what you just said about coal being clean and affordable is true.
>> THAT'S A GOOD ONE, JIMMY. WASN'T THAT A GREAT JOKE, FOLKS? >> WELL, NO, THAT WASN'T a joke.
I mean, coal is not clean. No offense, but it's dirty and it's environmentally destructive and it's not even cheap. It's actually more expensive than WIND AND SOLAR.
>> THAT'S NOT TRUE. DOUG BERGAM SAYS I'M THE CHEAPEST AND CLEANEST. >> Doug Bergam says YOU'RE THE CLEANEST.
>> YEAH. YES, I AM. >> REALLY?
>> YEAH. >> OKAY. What's this?
What is this then? >> Mascara. I got it from JD Vance.
>> And what is that? Is that a cough? I don't know.
It sounds like you have black lung disease or something. >> Wait, what are you telling Coley? Coley's going to die.
>> Yeah, I am. Coley, you're going to die from black lung disease. >> They told me it was post-nasal drip.
>> You don't even have a nose, Coley. How could that be true? >> Oh, God.
What am I going to tell my wife and kids? >> You Oh, you have a family. Yes, that's my wife, Colette, and and my two sons, Coley Jr.
and Cole, spelled C O L E. >> Oh, I love them so much. I need a hug.
>> This is a new suit. So, but uh I'm sorry that's happening to you, >> right? IS BECAUSE I'M DIRTY.
I'M DIRTY AND I'M GOING TO DIE. >> YOU DROPPED your children, Coley. >> A Come on, Coley.
Don't get down on yourself. Well, so long, everybody. And remember, don't believe a word these motherers tell you.
They're murderers. They're murderers. Wake up.
>> COME ON. LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
>> THEY'RE MURDERERS. BARELY FORGOT it all. >> All right, we got a good show tonight from MSN.
Joe Scar is here and we'll be right back with Nate Baretti.
