Tony Robbins Personal Power Day 9 Values and Beliefs The Source of Success or Failure

[Music] thank you welcome to day 7 or day nine of personal power I'm gonna assume from now on you're on the 30-day program which means you're on day nine let's begin today we're starting a new power pack it's called the ultimate secret to lifelong success and today's lesson is on values and beliefs the sources of success or failure in life pretty big statements to make but I think you're going to find that your values and your beliefs are really the driving force behind you now you might say well Tony you've already said that pain and

pleasure are the controlling force of my life that's true but specifically you and I throughout our lives have learned to give labels for different levels of pain and different levels of pleasure and those labels are what we call values specifically if I said to you which would you rather have success Adventure outrageousness love Comfort or feelings of security I asked you to pick one of those which would you pick let me try it again which would you pick either success Adventure outrageousness love Comfort or security if you can only have one of those which one

of those States would you pick well it's different for everyone some people say well gosh it's clear to me I want to absolutely have success that's what life is about other people go well success is nice but you know you can succeed and not be adventurous I want to be an adventurer I would go now hey I want to be outrageous if you're outrageous you're gonna have fun you're going to play You're gonna have a great time in life other people go well that's all nice but what I want is love I mean you can

have all those other things but if you don't feel love you don't have anything other people say no no no man I mean you can be loved but still not feel comfortable who wants to be loved and be in pain all the time I want to be comfortable other people say hey forget all that stuff I just want to feel secure if I was Secure then I'd have peace of mind all of us in life have learned to take different words that we call emotions and to give them levels of importance that is we have

learned to Value different emotions at different levels of intensity see all of these emotions for most people are pretty much pleasurable think about it feeling successful feeling outrageous feeling adventurous feeling love feeling comfortable feeling secure but you don't value all these states at the same level so how can we use this understanding to affect our lives well we all have what we call a hierarchy of values that is guiding our everyday Focus in other words on the last tape we talked about the fact that at any moment in time human beings are deleting most of

what's going on around them we're not paying attention to everything we only pay attention to a small band of our experience what we pay attention to what we focus on is based on our values our values tell us what states we should pay attention to because they're going to lead to lots of pleasure and we also have some values that we pay attention to because they're the painful values they're the states that we think will be most painful and we want to avoid them at any cost we call these two types of values moving towards

values those would be States like love attraction power success Adventure happiness security you get the idea states that would create pleasure if you were to experience them those are values or States we try to move towards we'll try and get in our life we also have a set of values a twin Target that we're trying to avoid we call those moving away from values those would be States like frustration or anger or physical pain or depression do you get the idea states that you again would try to avoid now even those States you do not

value equally let me ask you a question which of these states would you avoid most which would you do the most to avoid frustration anger physical pain humiliation embarrassment or depression let me go through them again which one of these states would you do the most to avoid having to experience frustration the emotion of feeling totally frustrated anger feeling totally angry physical pain the feelings of humiliation embarrassment or the feeling of being depressed now again Not only would you pick one of those as the one you'd avoid most but you would literally put those in

an order or what we call a hierarchy of importance that is which ones would you do the most to avoid a ladder of importance so try this if you would in your mind imagine that here's how your brain works your brain is all the time trying to do virtually anything it can to avoid major painful experiences you'd agree with me on that by now wouldn't you and it's trying to do almost anything it can to gain pleasure so whenever something comes up in life let's say you've got an opportunity to go skydiving how does your

brain decide whether it's going to do this or not well it does it first by evaluating that's what it does evaluating valuing the experience and the what your brain does is say is this going to lead to pleasure or to pain now part of how it does that is it looks at what you think is important in life now if in your life you've gotten all kinds of let's say acknowledgment and rewards for being outrageous and playful and adventurous it's highly likely and maybe you've done some experiences where maybe you were afraid but gosh after

you did it you felt so incredible that your brain made a neural Association that said Adventure means total pleasure I mean ecstasy now if that's true it's highly likely on your values list in other words on the priorities that you hold in your life of what to move towards am I making sense in other words the states you'll do a lot to gain it's likely that adventure and outrageousness are going to be high on the list does that make sense let's say freedom outrageousness and power and excitement let's say those are on your list it's

also highly likely that up at the top is probably not security right because maybe you've gotten reinforced that security is nice but you know it also can be a prison now think about the personality of that person person who's let's say number one value in life is Adventure and as you go down their list if you get to the bottom of their list maybe they got something like 25 levels down is something they call security can you get an idea what that person's personality might be like if you ask them said hey let's go skydiving

what do you think the response might be they might get a little scared but also are they going to be interested you better believe it because it appeals to their values in other words it appeals to what their brain is linked up will lead to pleasure now what if at the same time you have somebody sitting right next to them who you also invite to go skydiving but their number one value in life is security that's number one and the thing they'll avoid most in life is the possibility of physical pain or fear well guess

what it's pretty clear that they're not going to go skydiving with you or if they do it's not going to be based on their desire it's kind of because they got drag there maybe what they did is somebody threatened them physically if they didn't go skydiving they'd hurt them in which case that seemed more scary than the other process the point is that if you know a person's values you can pretty well predict overall the basic direction of their life does that make sense if I told you I know someone who's number one value in

life is freedom and that's the primary focus of their life does that kind of give you an idea of how they probably approach their life what also they're sensitized to they're probably pretty sensitized to losing their freedom aren't they they don't want anything to be taken away how do you think they feel about commitment well it's highly likely not in every case but highly likely that's something that sometimes they're a bit concerned about because it might be a constraint now what if I told you I know this other person whose number one value is security

how do you think can you picture how they would approach their life what kind of relationships they might have how they would look at activities and possibility quite different wouldn't you agree now what would happen if one day we took somebody whose number one value in life was security let's say you went down their list of importance and you got down to Adventure was like at the bottom at 25 and one day you swapped them you took security off the top put on the bottom of the list put Adventure on the top would that change

their personality any you better believe it it literally changes the priorities of their entire life it changes the way they look at everything the way they evaluate everything their physical actions their behavior their ultimate Destiny and by the way that's what we do in our seminar your date with Destiny here's a little commercial for you but that's literally what we do we take people who go through the whole university and we commit four days of that University program to date with Destiny where we find out exactly what a person's present values are we find out

what is it that they want most in life and they may not even be aware of that consciously and then we also find out what are the things they're trying to avoid because our whole lives are shaped by what we want most but also what we fear most then after we do that we find out what are the triggers that cause someone to really be able to feel good or bad in their lives what are the rules they have for these values and then we have them design their life's purpose at least as it is

right now and the essence of that is really finding out what is most important to you what is your life really going to be about and then finally we have them design their new values so that their values literally pull them in the direction of their goals the direction of their life purpose because for most people there are conflicts on the one side they have success as their number one value in life and on the other side they have fear of rejection as the number one value they're trying to avoid do those two go together

you better believe you're gonna have some problems that person is never going to succeed because they're going to be so afraid of failure they'll start to succeed and then they'll sabotage they've got conflicts sometimes our values literally pull us apart I call it the Gary Hart syndrome where somebody's got two different value systems I mean think about it here's this young man grow growing up named Gary Hart who went to church and was taught that he shouldn't even dance if he was a good Christian simultaneously had these other Role Models out here that were telling

him that Warren Beatty was the lifestyle that he should have now all of a sudden he literally had two different value systems within himself pulling him apart and that's what causes a lot of people to sabotage so I've given you a little commercial from your date with Destiny but beyond that let me tell you what we're going to do right now I want you to understand the power of understanding your values and using them the first key is to know what they are how do we find out what our values are well first thing you

got to do is ask a simple question of yourself and it's a different question for different types of values if you want to find out you're moving towards values the values you're trying to get to the experiences of pleasure you want you simply ask yourself the question and you might want to stop the tape even to write this down or remember it say it to yourself again and again what's most important to me in blank what's most important to me in blank in other words if I say what's most important to me in my life

I'm going to get my life values so you may say what's most important to you in life I might say contribution making a difference growth Happiness joy physical health being vibrant being strong being passionate making a difference all of these elements turn me on those are the states that really drive me as a human being now what you do is you write those down one at a time you say what else is really important in my life what else is most important to me in my life and you write them all down now something make

come up when you do this you might say well what's most important in my life is a family or what's most important in my life is some people say money or what's most important in my life is being successful well being successful is a value it's a feeling it's a state but money and family are what we call means values and what you want to find out are what are your ends values let me clarify and listen carefully please you don't want family just to have family the reason you want to have family is because

of the States you think you'll get by having a great family maybe the states by having family that you get are love or security or closeness or spiritual connection I don't know what it is for you personally maybe it's contribution but family is a means to an end are you following me it's like if you ask some people what's the most important in life they go in my car you know well rather than saying you look pretty shallow you say okay well great what do you get out of your car and I go well Freedom

see what they really want is freedom the car is nothing but a means to an end and what we want to find out are what are your ends values what are the states that you want most money is not an end it's a means the only reason people want money is what they think money will give them which many times it doesn't but they think okay if I have money then I'd have more power I'd have more choice or I could contribute or I'd be more free or whatever the case may be they only want

money for its ends so if you write down something like family or a relationship you don't want relationship you want what you think a relationship will give you so write down that what will you get out of a relationship what's the feelings that you want now once you've asked this question let me clarify again what's most important to me in so if I want my life's values that say what's most important to me in my life what if I want to find out my values in business then I'd say well what's most important to me

in my career or in my business and I begin to write down what else is important in my business or what's important in a job what's important for me in a company I work with if I'm gonna go to work for a company what would be most important to me and I began to make a list so you might say well there's a chance to express myself the ability to contribute the chance to make a difference you can find out your values in a relationship by saying what's most important to me in a personal relationship

and you might find there you say well gosh a Love Freedom Power passion I don't know what it is you say but you make a list so that's step one ask yourself the question make a list step two is what you're going to want to find out is what are the values or States you're trying to avoid because remember your brain will do more to avoid pain than it'll ever do to gain pleasure so you better find out what those values are too so let's take a look at those what are the feelings or States

you do almost anything to avoid make a list what are some of the emotional feelings some of the emotions some of the feelings in your body you do almost anything to avoid now some people have a hard time with this one but if you have a hard time just ask yourself what are some of the feelings I've had that I hate that I don't want to experience what are some times in my life I felt really lousy and you'll come up with a frustration anger humiliation embarrassment depression overwhelm you know disappointment I don't know what

it is for you but make a list of those as well so that's step one to finding out your values why do you want to find out your values because you want to know what is your brain focused on see if you know your values you know what your brain is paying attention to most if you change your values you change your destiny because you change what you focus and pay attention to daily and what you notice and what you behave and act on and therefore the results in your life you literally said a whole

new set of causes in motion you get a whole new set of effects it takes you in a New Direction and ultimately a new destiny but rather than going and changing them let's start with finding out what they are because you may find some conflicts you may find you have something on your list like maybe number one on your list is something like success but health is not even on your list well guess what can you really be successful without Health there so this is the kind of thing that'll give you some clarity you need

to at least take a look so the first thing you've got to do is find out what your values are so you at least know what direction your brain and body are being pulled in life and by the way I got a question for you where did your values come from in the first place are they the result of intelligent choices in a master plan hardly in most cases the values the things that you pay attention as being most important are the result of a mismatch of Human Experience of you doing things and having painful

experiences and pleasurable experiences in your brain just making a jumble of neural associations isn't that really true where'd your values come from maybe from your parents and how do your values get installed well the answer is pretty simple values come out of pain and pleasure that's how they happened you were growing up and when you did things that your parents really liked your mom who's probably one of the major people traditionally at least to install values in you you did something she liked and you immediately got rewarded you got attention you got held you got

loved simultaneously if you did something you didn't like that wasn't in alignment with what they thought was right or their values then immediately what happened there was rejection you either were ignored or you were scolded or maybe even physically were given pain and that's how the process started but it didn't end there then you had the unique experience of going out in the real world where you met other people who had different values other kids and there your values got shaped again because what happened is these little kids you had a play by their rules

too or they had a play by yours and you had to figure out how that worked out and by the way if you didn't work with them at all on their rules if you didn't live by some of their values in life invariably there was pain wasn't there you weren't their friend they either hurt you physically or verbally or worse they ignored you the ultimate pain ah interesting and we all want to avoid pain so we sometimes kind of change our values just a little bit based upon who our friends were and that continued while

you grew up didn't it see who you were around on a consistent basis has shaped your values your teachers have affected your values whether you wanted them to or not and whether they wanted to or not they came through and what they rewarded you for what they acknowledged you for how they communicated with intensity what they got you to link Pleasure and Pain too I mean that's the basis of all value structures that we have within ourselves did it end there no you went to work well you learned a whole nother set of value structures

because in order to succeed and move up the corporate ladder let's say for example there are certain ways you got to be and you either decide you're not going to play the game which creates values or you decide you're gonna play the game and then you make some shifts in your values now that doesn't mean they're bad shifts maybe they're empowering shifts sometimes you develop better values but the point is that they are affected because if you don't live by those values you're probably not going to get promoted because the people who decide who they're

going to promote base it on their own values so constantly they're being shifted they're being affected by Role Models by Your Heroes and sometimes by anti-heroes a lot of kids today they see their hero let's say as a musician and they love the way this guy can play music but then they pick up a lot of other things this person does as well they say that's what he does and he takes drugs and maybe that's what I should do too values are affected consistently values are affected by the goals you've achieved you set a goal

and all of a sudden you achieve it once you achieve it that's not enough in fact it kind of affects your self-esteem you feel a little better you're now at this new level what do you do you look for the next goal and pretty soon within a few years the things that you're living now are so different than where you were four or five years ago that your brain says hey you know I could never do that I mean look where I am now see values are being affected all the time the key is awareness

to make sure you know because they are the Crux remember the brain is always trying to avoid Pain and Gain pleasure the only way it decides what to do is it goes inside your head and says how does this relate to the experience this person has had will it relate to the kinds of things this person thinks are pleasurable or will it create the kind of pain this person wants to avoid and how do we work all this stuff out these are the twin Targets in your brain that are driving you so for now the

thing I want you to understand is they drive you and I want you to understand what they are that's the most important thing and just looking at your value sometimes you can make a change you can see in your head this is creating problems and as soon as your brain links that up sometimes that's enough by itself for your brain to say hey that's creating pain I don't want that and you'll be able to change them and design some new ones now in this program we're not going to go through in detail how to do

that because that's like a three-day process by itself but you can do it consciously just by making the decision and I want you to know that as well let me tell you what I think is even more important and the real primary purpose of this tape once you know what your values are that's great even if you don't change your values at all there is something you must do to take control of your destiny and your life and that is you must understand the power of your beliefs to impact the quality of your life your

beliefs and values work together to determine how you're going to feel what do I mean well let me ask you a question for example is it possible for someone to have a value let's say one of things they value is success in life a classic example of say a business person a lot of business people I say hey what's most important to you they go success okay that's wonderful so the question I have for them is what has to happen for you to be successful what I'm finding out is this the target is the values

but how do they know if they've hit the target or not that's based on your beliefs and your beliefs are generalizations that you've made rules you've set up for yourself about what has to happen for you to experience a certain result in your life am I making sense in other words we have rules rules are like what I call if then well if I make enough money then I'm successful or if enough people like me then I'm successful or if I'm happy then I'm successful or if I grow and learn then I'm successful people have

these rules within themselves or if you respect me then you never raise your voice to me or if you like me then you'll kiss me people have all kinds of interesting rules but you know what's interesting all of us in the world have different rules we may even have the same values but have different rules about what has to happen for those things to be met let me give you a classic example I was doing a seminar once a date with Destiny seminar and we had a group of people there who are all from the

same organization and the CEO of this company a Fortune 500 executive incredibly powerful successful man by virtually everybody's standards my standards by the way are Incredible family life so close to his children and his wife incredible a real leader and role model of possibility a communicator who could really articulate what made a difference in his life and really had a powerful and positive impact on the people around him extremely successful in business extremely successful financially and I turned to this gentleman and I said are you successful because that was real high on his list it

was like number one if I remember correctly and he turned to me and said no now here's the most important value for him of pleasure it's the state he wants most and yet he doesn't feel like he has it I said well how come why do you say that why aren't you successful you know what he said to me he told me his belief he said well in order to be successful if you're successful then and he went through this long list he said then you've got to make this much money and I think it

was like three and a half million or four and a half million dollars a year and he was only earning two million dollars a year at the time only it was you have to always be up and never feel down or disappointed how's that for setting yourself up for failure it was you have to be totally physically fit which for him meant not just being at your ideal weight but having a body fat ratio I forget what it was something like 14 or 13 or 12 percent and of course he was about four points above

that you know and you have to I've forgotten all the list I mean it was unbelievable this man's rules about what has to happen to succeed his beliefs were keeping him from experiencing the level of joy and pleasure he deserves to have now do you ever do this to yourself you better believe you do but you got to find out where it is so you can make some changes that's the purpose of today's tape now let's take another example I turned to another guy in the room because by the way the room was a gas

they could not believe this guy didn't feel successful so I turned to somebody else in the room and I said sir and the person I picked by the way was probably the most vivacious outrageous person in the room I picked him because he's bouncing off the walls basically and I said sir are you successful he said of course I am and I said well how do you know and by the way that's how you get someone's beliefs you ask them the question how do you know when they tell you something how do you know that's

true and they'll tell you the belief that's behind it he said well I know I'm successful because every day above ground is a great day I said what he said well look if I believe that every day above ground is a great day that's my basic belief about life and so if I look down and I'm above ground then it's a great day if it's a great day then I'm successful that's logical isn't it he's like bouncing off the walls see his rules for Success his beliefs what is required for him to feel successful are

very easy to meet now you might say well that's really stupid he'll never succeed he's a very successful person listen a lot of people think that gosh if I feel successful I'll lose my motivation no if you feel too comfortable you lose your motivation but as long as you believe that you must continue to grow to be happy and as long as you keep setting your sights on new goals and you enjoy the process you have some real power for your life see most people in life do one or the other right and I used

to be that way I was real outcome oriented my whole thing was succeed so I went for the outcome and I went for it and I achieved my outcomes but then I achieved My outcome and my brain would go is this all there is and I didn't have happiness along the way what I learned is that life is a process you've got to learn to enjoy the flight not just being there or not just getting to some place or destination life is not a destination life is a process that needs to be enjoyed on an

ongoing basis and you know what the problem is most of us in life have values we didn't design they're taking us in a direction that we have no clue about I mean we got security up there we have no idea the fact that that's shutting us down or we got adventure and we don't have a tempered with intelligence let's say and so we're out there like a maniac doing crazy things or we've got something like success but on the other side we've got fear of rejection and failure so sure enough we start to succeed and

then we sabotage because we want to feel the pain of failure and we run into these things where we sabotage and sabotage and feel lousy keep all the stuff happening all the time that's problem number one but even worse on top of that we got all these beliefs about what we have to do to succeed that are absurd we make it so difficult Hey listen remember every state that you want to feel all those values that you want to get you can have them right now I mean think about it if you wanted to feel

successful you could do it right now try it sit right now the way you'd be sitting if you felt successful oh come on do it do it do it don't just sit there and listen to me sit up come on sit the way you'd be sitting if you felt absolutely totally happy and successful Breathe Right now the way you'd be breathing if you felt totally happy and successful put the kind of look on your face maybe the smile like you'd have if you felt totally happy and successful put a little strut in your shoulders like

you would if you felt totally happy and successful think about what you'd say to yourself if you really felt totally happy and successful what would you picture what would you see and you know what if you work at this can you feel successful right now you better believe you can remember all the emotions you could ever have are nothing but physiological storms in your brain put your body in the right place focus on things the right way you feel them now you don't have to do anything to feel those things but here's the problem in

life most people have set it up so it's almost impossible to win the game of life they've set up the rules of this game so it's so tough to win that they wonder why they're disappointed or frustrated or angry all the time it's because they've got lousy beliefs and they got value somebody else created where'd your beliefs come from you didn't create them you learned them from your environment the people around you see what my whole life is about now my primary focus in our destiny Technologies is getting people to design values and beliefs that

automatically make it easy to feel alive and win every single day no matter what happens because we can't always control our environment hey you can't always control the wind but you can control your sails and so what I've learned to do is set up values and beliefs that Empower me and every day I'm making more distinctions with myself as well as the people that I share within seminars so I want you to take a really good look what are your core beliefs now I'll tell you there are two types of beliefs and we'll wrap this

up and get you doing an assignment belief number one are what I call Global beliefs Global beliefs are giant generalizations you've made about life or people or things in fact Global beliefs are usually languaged in the form of life is or I'll give you the words or is Mr that's why I look at Global belief so life is people are I am does that give you an idea the kind of beliefs I'm talking about so what are some of the beliefs you have about who you are and do they govern how much of your ability

or skill you really use how much of your personal power you tap into what if you've got a belief that says well I'm not very intelligent anyway or I'm not very skilled or I don't have enough education or I don't have enough ability do those beliefs affect the quality of your life and the success that you have or don't have do they affect what you're willing to try or not try in your life you better believe they do hey I told you where I was years ago I wasn't exactly a picture of success virtually every

era of my life I was unhappy with and the primary reason was I had a bunch of values that were pulling me in opposite directions and I aligned those now you can do that a little bit on your own here as it is but I'll tell you what I did that was equally important that you can absolutely do today and that is I changed some of my core beliefs I had Global beliefs like well I'm not really just smart enough or I'm too young now think about that I don't have the education and by having

those kinds of beliefs it kept me from giving a thousand percent I thought how can I share this with other people how can I go teach these psychiatrists when I don't have a PhD I mean they're not going to listen to me besides that I'm too young besides that I don't have enough money I had all these beliefs one after another after another that kept me from doing because I'm not quite smart enough anyway with those kinds of beliefs I literally shut down my ability hey remember whether you believe something is true or do you

believe it's not you're right your beliefs are literally The Floodgate that opens up your power and possibility limiting beliefs shut you down and immediately chain you to limitation if you want the key all you have to do is Adopt a new belief and you can do it literally in a moment or two because you know what you have conflicting beliefs in you already you've been taught things like look before you leap but you also believe he who hesitates is lost isn't that interesting so which one do you pick see most people think of beliefs as

being like permanent things they are not permanent and in tomorrow's session we're going to show you exactly how to change virtually any limiting belief for now though you want to identify what they are and see what the challenge is do you have some beliefs about let's say other people people are honest people are dishonest people take advantage people are givers does it make a difference which of those beliefs you subscribe to will it make a difference how you relate to people how you treat others and how they treat you because of the way you perceive

them before they even open their mouth I'll give you an example what if you had a global belief that said this martians steal and let's say you walk in a room and uh as you walk in you notice hey notice there's some martians in here and so sure enough you forget about it for a while because you're caught up in what you're doing and then later on you leave and after you've left you notice oh my gosh I forgot my purse I forgot my wallet you run back to the room and guess what sure enough

that wallet or purse is missing what is the first question since we've already talked about questions what's the first question that fires off in your mind tell me which Martian took it it's not where did I leave my purse or wallet it's which Martian took it see our beliefs determine which questions we even are willing to ask interesting huh see in the last tape we talked if you recall on the questions that we asked determine what we focus on and what we feel I'm here to tell you also that the beliefs you have determine which

questions you're willing to even ask yourself and which habitual questions you have see if you think that you're inferior you're going to probably ask questions like why do I always do this how come I'm not enough and if you keep going how come I'm not enough your brain will go in there and search for reasons to show you why you're not enough and you'll feel really wonderful see we've got to change our core beliefs we've got to get beliefs that support us so Global beliefs our life is people are I am second kind of beliefs

we've already talked about I call them rules rules are if then you have rules for well if you love me then you would do this if you appreciated me then you would do that if you respected me then you would do that and you know what people have different rules don't they I'll give you an example my wife Becky and I when we first met we both value respect we think it's important we grew up in families where it was highly valued and that's where we got those values the difference is we have different rules

about respect I'll give you an example my wife Becky grew up in a family whereby if you first of all respect was very very important if you got it you had lots of pleasure and if you didn't have respect there was a lot of pain does that make sense now so she learned through basically punishment and reward that respect was an important value to have and it's built into her nervous system she doesn't know why she just got it in there just like you don't know why your values are there what happened well her beliefs

or rules about respect are these she was taught you never ever Raise Your Voice with a person if you respect them even if you're upset you never do that and of course you'd never use anything that would even possibly be considered as profane language now I grew up in a family whereby respect was very very important so was honesty they were like tied together and in my family if you respect somebody you've got to be honest with them you've got to communicate how you really feel you can't hide any of those feelings and you'd Express

them with all the honest feelings you got you're not to hide anything or hold anything back in my family that was considered to be lying which would be major pain for you so you're supposed to express it and it didn't matter if you raised your voice in fact that was called being real you raised your voice and if you got a little bit upset you expressed that you know you might be wrong and you knew you might be wrong but you were at least willing to express it well you can imagine how these two went

in fact in my family if you didn't Express what you really felt you didn't feel any respect for that person and they didn't respect you want to add some more of these rules and my family the bottom line was this there was only one way you could be totally disrespectful besides not communicating and that was in the middle of an argument to get up and walk out of the room my wife Becky grew up in a family where if you were to maintain your own respect if somebody began to be disrespectful by raising their voice

there's only one way you could keep your self-respect and that was to get up and leave the room now you can imagine how these two fabulous value systems with these rules interacted when we first got together you talk about Harry fights we're talking major now after a while we began to discover each other's rules and we said okay we need to create some new rules for our lives because we're big kids now we can create our own we don't have to be living the scripts of our past and so I agreed not to raise my

voice to certain levels of intensity and she agreed not to get up and leave out of the room of course I remember one time something happened I got upset raised my voice you got it left the room I yelled to her I said you said you weren't going to leave the room I said oops so I'm not saying it's easy but you gotta at least notice what's going on with your values and beliefs because they control your life hey any upset you've ever had with another person comes down to a rules upset you have rules

about how they should behave or act or treat or speak or do something and they're not living by the rules you have how can you expect somebody live by your rules when you haven't communicated what they are and besides that are your rules really right you say of course they are where'd they come from well Mike learning and my growing up well maybe it's time to reevaluate your rules and see if they make sense maybe you should make it easier to win the game of life and create rules for success for example a little bit

easier things that you could experience daily that way you'd feel successful every day instead of once every blue moon when you make eight billion dollars and are the king of the Earth see take another look that's what I'm asking you to do on this tape today and I know I've dumped a lot on you I've dumped it here in one little tape what we should do over a period of three days to a week but you don't have to understand it all remember we said in this program is that each day we're just going to

do a little bit more make a few more distinctions just remember distinctions are power just one more understanding one more way of looking at something one more distinction can change your whole life I want you to know as you're going through this program but if you think you have to understand all of this stuff you're going to feel overwhelmed because I'm putting more under this 30-day program than a person should be able to go through I hope you'll go through this program again and again I hope this won't be your only time to go through

I hope it'll become like a mental diet for you well when you need to knock yourself back into shape or even if you don't if you want to be in condition hey for me I finally decided in order to achieve my life's goals I had to put Health at a higher level of value and one of my rules is I exercise every single day now that was impossible I mean before I would be lucky to get myself to do it once or twice a week but I do that every day and now my body and

my energy levels at a whole new level of conditioning because I do it daily and it doesn't take long in fact I'm addicted to now I love it that would I was like the furthest person from that you remember me 38 pounds overweight no desire to exercise in a million years but I found the right exercise for myself and I made it happen I also every day condition myself mentally and emotionally I do what I call success conditioning and this tape program offers you that same possibility so make sure you set yourself up to succeed

because some people evaluate God is this program working for me by has my whole life changed already where day eight hasn't changed that may not be the best question to ask and that may not be the best evaluation maybe if you've made any new understandings that you're able to use it all or if each day you just make one more distinction then you've learned one more thing and you get a chance to use one more thing then I'd say you've succeeded see for me success my beliefs about success are if I learn something from the

situation I succeeded see I used to be afraid of failure because God that was ultimately painful I now see it as impossible for me to fail why because in order for me to fail I'd have to learn nothing and if at any moment I realize I haven't learned something from it then I just learned that I didn't learn you know and I'll turn it around I'll say okay what can I learn as soon as I ask what can I learn I'll come up with an answer so set yourself up so that you can win this

game of Life be good to yourself here's your assignment assignment number one I want you to take out your success journal and I want you to write down the answer to the question what's most important to me in my life and make sure you write down n's values not means values remember not money in cars what would money in cars and family and friends and relationships give you so then you write down the states love passion happiness security whatever it is for you then once you've written these down put them in order what's number one

of importance what's number two of importance what's number three in importance because then you'll understand how your brain makes decisions see if on your list is something like number one is success and you go down the list the number five is let's say love then it's obvious that if somebody asks you to come to the office at ten o'clock at night and your family wants you to be there as well it's pretty clear what you're more than likely going to decide most of the time you're going to go to the office because that's success because

you already feel like love is not quite as important if love is number one and success is number five there's a good chance you're going to say look I need to stay here with my family unless your family says hey we support you we love you go for it I know you need to do that are you following me you have to understand your life's priorities because the priorities you've set for yourself are directing your life so what's most important to me in my life make a list or you could do it your values in

a relationship what's most important to me in my relationships then go for the moving away from values what are the emotions I'd like to do almost anything to avoid put them in order and ask yourself with each one which one I do the most to avoid what's the one I do the next most to avoid so you can see what pain your brain is always evaluating if I do that will it mean that well then I won't do it so you need to know what the targets are that are driving your life what is the

carrot in front of you and what are the sticks behind you that are driving your behavior and then ask yourself under each one of these values what has to happen for me to feel whatever it is so again if the number one value is Success what do I have to have happen in order for me to feel successful real good question to ask or if it's love what has to happen for me to be willing to feel loved what has to happen for me to feel like I really have that level of love in my

life and find out what your rules are you might find it in order for you feel loved people have to tell you they love you every single day and they have to touch you and kiss you and do 19 billion things maybe at that time you say look I am loved how do I know I'm loved because I'm alive or how do I know I'm loved because I'm a loving person so therefore I'm loved wouldn't that be a better belief see the gentleman set it up at every day above ground is a great day and

if I'm above ground I'm successful he set himself up to feel successful every day is above ground which means every day he's alive not a bad strategy see you want to set it up for yourself so you can win too create a game that works those are your assignments find it you're towards values find out you're away from values put them in their order of importance find out your key beliefs and then mess with them go in there and take a look at some rules and say this doesn't make any sense anymore I don't know

where I got this here's how I really want to evaluate whether I'm successful whether I'm loving whether or not I feel Joy I want to make it harder to feel pain I used to get embarrassed if anybody even questioned what I said now my new belief is what does it take for me to feel embarrassed hey I have to not live by what I believe is right that would embarrass me wouldn't that be a better belief about what it would take for you to be embarrassed it means it would be a lot harder for you

to get embarrassed again I know there's a lot here do as much as you want but at least do the minimum exercise we've described remember simple awareness alone can change your life massively when you come back tomorrow we're going to show you how to change these core beliefs once you've decided on some new ones how to change the beliefs that are limiting you and install some beliefs that absolutely support you with a brand new technology till then go for it have fun today pay attention to your beliefs Empower yourself and remember live with passion [Music]

thank you [Music]