jealous wife demanded an open marriage cheated with her ex stalked me when I found someone lied to our daughter and now wants to close our marriage I 39m and my wife 37f my wife and I have been married for 15 years we have two children a 14-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy about a year and a half ago my wife came to me asking for an open marriage she said she was bored with just us and wanted to experience more I was very against this as I am a strong believer that marriage is between two
people at the same time when we got married I had five sexual partners and my wife had only been with me she made it clear that either we opened things up or she was prepared to file for divorce neither of us wanted that so I agreed under certain conditions nobody brought back to the house we don't talk about Partners the kids don't know family doesn't know all partners are tested ahead of time nobody that we both know Etc I had a strong suspicion that my wife had someone in mind and this was confirmed when 24
hours after we agreed she went out and didn't return until 4:00 a.m. it was difficult for me to accept and I was really not okay with it but I wanted to save my marriage last May I met Amber our daughters are in marching band together Amber is divorced and has no interest in getting married again like everyone else in the world she does have needs so 5 months after opening up the marriage I began sleeping with Amber at first it felt like cheating but honestly it's nice to have something no strings where neither of us
wants it to proceed forward over time I became comfortable with the idea that my wife and I would be able to get our needs met both inside and outside of our marriage it actually made our sex life a lot more passionate and we were much happier my wife and her side guy who I never met stopped seeing each other in April amid Corona virus from what I gather while he's in an open marriage his wife is not aware and it was too hard to get away in may we helped organize a zoom concert for the
band kids which turned out great though my wife met Amber for the first time well I guess Amber has been open with a few of the moms because it got back to my wife that Amber was my outside partner my wife informed me that as we both know Amber I needed to end things with her I refused citing the fact that neither of us knew her ahead of time and the meeting did not violate the rules we established throughout the past month she's numerous times told me that she's uncomfortable with me continuing to sleep with
Amber and I need to conclude the arrangement note that she was fine for a year where she was with her partner this weekend she came to me and stated that she'd like to close our marriage again I told her I was open to that as long as we agreed that it would remain closed moving forward she agreed that's what she wants as well that she doesn't need to have any more partners that she's happy with just me I told her that we could agree to close the marriage on two conditions the first I laid out
above the second I wanted her to sign a document waving spous will support in the event of divorce she flipped out she categorically refused to even consider that my wife is a and has not worked since we got married she said that I could keep seeing Amber and leave her with nothing if she signed that I told her that I'd be willing to include a list of mutually agreed upon situations including infidelity on my part where the agreement would be void she says it's not open for discussion that she's not going to continue to be
cheated on and left with nothing when I decide to leave her for Amber I pointed out out that this whole thing was her idea and that I only went along with it to preserve our marriage she says that if we don't close the marriage up then it might as well be over I told her that I'm not going to tolerate being threatened with divorce every time she doesn't get her way she says I'm being dramatic and I need to focus on us should I agree without stipulations I know there's no future with Amber as we've
both agreed it's purely physical and even though I know I'm standing my ground I feel like I'm blowing up my marriage over a dead end at the same time I don't believe it's about Amber at all update 1 So based on what some of you have said here this morning I called Amber up reminded her that we were supposed to keep things discreet and asked who she shared the details of our liaison with she denied telling anyone and I didn't get the feeling she was lying I pulled up my wife's Google timeline history and discovered
that she tracked me to Amber's house in April she followed me and then deliberately introduced herself to Amber to create a conflict here I was thinking she actually wanted to get involved in Bann parents but no she just wanted to try to end things with my outside partner I don't even know what to do at this point comments Al Frosty I suspect your wife flipped because she has no intention of staying with you long term op that's exactly what I thought believe me my intention is not to screw her financially she's coming from the angle
that she's so sure about us now and ready to close things up well what about a year from now or 2 years from now when she decides she wants someone else and decides she wants to open things up again I'm not going to be blackmailed with divorce every time she wants it both ways John Miller your marriage is already over good luck op I'm coming to that realization I hate it but she is not the same person I married lady Magpie while he's in an open marriage his wife is unaware so hes just cheating on
his wife then up yep apparently my wife thought it was open he told her it was and he was just screwing around on his wife without her knowledge op on if his wife still wanted to close the marriage or not and if the divorce will still take place up I first asked if she was willing to agree that once it was closed it would remain closed then I asked her if she'd be willing to wave spousal support in the event of divorce then specifically I asked if she'd be willing to wave it only I'm specific
instances such as her cheating or me refusing to reopen the marriage she refused to discuss it I don't want to be in a situation where 6 months from now her outside partner wants to start back up where she sees someone else she's interested in and decides to threaten me with divorce again if I don't open the marriage back up I have no intention of screwing her financially I wanted to see how she'd react to me asking for a guarantee she wouldn't ask that of me again she made it clear that she wasn't willing to put
her money where her mouth is up on how he met Amber up I met Amber through banned parents our daughters are not close just in the band together my wife was not involved in band at all as it's not her thing with quarantine going on she was looking for things to do and decided she wanted to help with the concert at that point should I have said no you can't because my outside partner is a band mom and I don't want you involved in that Circle she was in my circle not my wife's my wife
had nothing to do with the band until May a full year after I was setting Amber as it turns out there was a very specific reason my wife decided all of the sudden to get involved with the band I got involved with Amber in May of 2019 she was with her guy since December 2018 update 2 to recap my wife told me that she wanted an open marriage I didn't but agreed when she told me she was prepared to file for divorce she had an outside partner within 24 hours it took me a few months
her partner and her broke up she stalked me and introduced herself to my partner to try to force me to end it when that didn't work she decided to demand that the marriage be closed again I put conditions on it that she wasn't willing to accept now on to the last month it's been a very tough month I confronted my wife about the stalking she denied it at first and then I brought up her location history she attempted to deflect claiming I invaded her privacy but I didn't take the bait finally she admitted that she
didn't like that I had someone on the side when she didn't and a mom at the school felt too close to home I agreed that I would end things with Amber if she would agree to counseling close the marriage up permanently and start looking for a job to help with household expenses she replied that she's a stay-at-home mom I told her it was something we could revisit after Corona virus is over but when things normalize she can't just stay home we did a few therapy sessions and things went well at first the therapist challenged her
on why she had followed me asked why she felt she had to go outside the marriage and had her address pretty much everything going through my mind then things went South she admitted her outside partner was someone from her past a high school boyfriend they'd broken up before anything happened and had reconnected she regretted not going all the way with him in high school and decided that she wanted to fulfill that desire I was pissed I told her that if me choosing a mom from school was too close to home then her choosing a married
ex-boyfriend was completely unacceptable I told her I didn't even want to look at her I checked into a hotel to go cool off because I didn't want my kids to see me like that I stayed there for a few days and then decided to go home and deal with what was left of my marriage when I got home I found that my daughter was being unusually cold to me even for a 14-year-old girl she was very dismissive when I asked her what was going on she went off on me for cheating on mom with a
ban mom I asked her where she heard this she wouldn't tell me at first telling me it didn't matter but then finally admitted her mother told her that I was staying at my girl friend's house after I left I counted to 10 in my head told her it wasn't true showed her the receipt on my phone for the hotel and told her that her mother and I had a fight and I decided to take some time away so we could both calm down she cried a lot and I promised her that I loved her and
I'd always love her I did my best to remain calm though I was burning up inside I didn't even go to my wife I went on Facebook and found the guy's wife I sent her a message letting her know that for a year and a half her husband had been having an affair with my wife and I'd be happy to send her any proof she'd like she was very appreciative and had suspected something was up a few hours later my wife came to me in a rage screaming that I had violated the confidentiality of our
therapy and ruined the guy's life I asked her what she meant to do by telling our daughter that I had a girlfriend she denied doing it and still refuses to admit that she told her anything other than I was away for a few days this went down last Thursday we haven't spoken to each other since we're supposed to have another counseling session tomorrow though I don't know if it's even worth going I keep catching her in lies and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again I know that filing for divorce is
the wise choice at this point but I feel sick thinking about it I feel like a failure because I couldn't make my marriage work I know that's where it's going to end up I just feel like I'm going to throw up every time I try to call an attorney comments chat act on appreciate the update sorry to hear therapy is only bringing more things to light and your wife drowning in her sea of Lies has clearly shattered your trust in her completely I hope for the sake of the kids that your wife wasn't the one
to tell that to your daughter but when people are sinking fast they'll latch on to anybody to keep them afloat and turning the kids against you isn't exactly an original strategy you not a failure because the marriage has ran its course at this point it's probably best to contact that attorney no matter how difficult it may be do it for you do it for your kids even do it for your wife so she can hit rock bottom on her own without destroying your lives in the process best of luck man you're a resource talk to
an attorney if you're honest with yourself your wife opened the relationship after she had or was planning on cheating anyway then when things failed she didn't want you to have fun while she wasn't she doesn't contribute to the household and has no plans too she constantly lies what makes you think anything is going to fix this when someone shows you who they are believe them it's her way or the highway so like I said talk to an attorney get your finances in order and get out of this awful relationship oh oh Lisa oh oh you
didn't fail your wife wanted to cheat but didn't want to call it cheating she never wanted slash expected you to do the same the fact she said she'd divorce you if you didn't as extra manipulative the fact she tried to harm your relationship with your daughter is the last straw I personally wouldn't find the situation fixable but never beat yourself up for any of this this is all your wife going off the rails and you tried hanging on for dear life but maybe it's time to let go also I'd be fully open with your daughter
about the whole situation it will all come out eventually so the true story instead of rumors and lies is much healthier now on to the next story story two finally met my biological dad after 30 years bonded on his boat then caught him cheating with my girlfriend at a family dinner and he got her pregnant while still married my girlfriend and I had been together for almost four years before everything ended we met casually through some mutual friends when they both invited us to a haunted house attraction for Halloween everybody else was there with their
partner so that left us alone a lot of the time there was a beer garden at the attraction and she and I ended up separating from the rest of the group to go there we talked about everything while we hung out at the end of the night we exchanged numbers and started dating officially she moved in with me a year and a half after we started dating growing up I never knew my dad there had been many times in my life when I wanted to figure out who he was the story I was told growing
up was that he and my mother had been dating when she got pregnant with me she is a devout Catholic so the only option was to go forward with a pregnancy he didn't want that he tried to encourage my mom to have an abortion so she told him that she didn't want anything to do with him she gave birth to me and raised me as a single mother for the first 12 years of my life then she met my stepdad and they had more children after me no matter how much I asked her to tell
me who my father was she would always refuse I had eventually resigned to never knowing the truth it was my girlfriend who convinced me to try and find out again there was there was a death in my family one of my cousins had cancer and they passed away that really got me thinking about other illnesses that my family might have my girlfriend and I went to my mother and approached her about telling me who my father was from that angle I needed to know if I had a history of any major illnesses in my blood
I also told her that it would be good to know when I wanted to have kids that was the icing on the cake for her and she decided to tell me everything she gave me his name and I finally reached out to him he was receptive to meeting me which I was afraid that he wouldn't be my girlfriend came with me to the lunch that we had scheduled it was strange seeing him for the first time because I could see just how much I looked like him after everything it was extremely emotional for me and
I didn't know how to process everything my girlfriend was there for me and she comforted me through everything about a week after our first lunch my biological father reached out to me again and asked me if I wanted to see him again apparently he felt very bad after our first meeting and had decided he wanted a chance to get to know me my girlfriend encouraged me to try I invited her to come along with me because it was difficult for me to do it alone all three of us went fishing out on his boat and
we had a good time we drank a few beers and we all talked he told me all about his family he was married and he had three kids much younger than me he explained that he just wasn't ready to be a father when my mom was pregnant before we parted ways for the day he and my girlfriend exchanged numbers so we could all find time to meet his family I wanted to meet my half siblings and my girlfriend was the organized one between us a few weeks went by and I hadn't seen him but we
had been texting every so often to keep in touch my girlfriend told me that they were planning a dinner at the end of the month at my father's house I work in construction and I was doing a job where I was about 50 ft in the air when I dropped my phone on concrete when I looked at it again it was completely trashed the screen was virtually Untouchable because of the glass I got a new one as soon as I could and transferred everything over from my old phone I moved the SIM card over for
a quick transition there were a few contacts that weren't saved to the SIM card that I needed to add to the phone again one of those was my biological father I got home later that day and my girlfriend was taking a nap on the couch I needed my father's number so I could let him know that I had a new phone in case you needed to reach out to me I knew my girlfriend's phone password and I had used her phone countless times before so I didn't think anything of it when I grabbed it to
send myself the contact information when I clicked on his name and the contacts I saw a long call history between both of them it immediately caught my attention because she had never told me they had been having conversations with each other on the phone I walked into the other room and looked through the message and call log to see exactly what was happening their messages began the day that we all went on the boat together a few hours after they exchanged numbers my father texted my my girlfriend and told her that I was lucky to
have her it started off friendly and she thanked him saying that she was lucky to have me too then my father started getting very flirty with her he told her how beautiful she was and how if I didn't treat her right he might have to step in it was weird to see because I knew that he was married with Children my girlfriend replied and told him that she would be happy to let him step in if needed from there other messages were very suggestive they were always tiptoeing around overtly saying that they wanted to sleep
with each other it was pretty obvious what was happening but it didn't seem like it was anything other than than flirting until my father sent my girlfriend a picture of himself it was a nude photo where he told her that a new picture she uploaded to Instagram had really turned him on my girlfriend told him that she was glad it did then send him some other pictures of herself there were videos and audio recordings and dozens of pictures between them I clicked on one of the videos that my father sent her it was him telling
her about all the filthy things he wanted to do to her when they finally got together I could hear kids running around in the background outside of the room he was in it was clear through the messages that they hadn't actually met to have sex in person yet they were planning on sneaking away to his boat while everybody was at his house before my girlfriend woke up I put her phone back and pretended like I didn't see anything I was extremely hurt by everything my father had known that I existed my entire life and pretended
like I didn't now that I finally had the opportunity to reach out to him he betrayed me once again by hitting on my girlfriend and my girlfriend knew how important it was for me to meet him and decided to sleep with him I felt massively betrayed by both of them I knew right away that I wanted to make them suffer for their choices the dinner was only a week away so I sucked it up and pretended like everything was fine until then the day of the dinner I restrained myself and made it through the meal
without lunging across the table to attack my father I spent a lot of time getting to know my stepmother and I felt bad for her about everything honestly if he messaged my girlfriend after knowing her for such a short amount of time I wouldn't have been surprised to find out that he had other Affairs in the past after dinner we decided to put on a movie and watch it together my dad said that he wasn't particularly interested in watching the movie and he had some things that he needed to wrap up on the boat he
excused himself from the movie and nobody questioned it about 15 minutes into the movie my girlfriend said she got a phone call I didn't see her phone ring or light up it was her cover to go outside and meet my father she was gone for about 3 minutes and I turned to my stepmother and mentioned that it was weird that she had been gone for so long all of the kids had already fallen asleep on the couch so I was thankful that I wouldn't disturb them by causing a scene I told her that I was
going to go check on my girlfriend and she paused the movie to give me a moment I already knew that I wouldn't see her on the porch but I looked anyway and went back in and I told her that she was gone on she was concerned so she walked outside with me to look for her she was the one who suggested we go ask my father if he'd seen her so I followed her to the boat where we both knew he was working on something as soon as we opened the door to the lower level
we could hear very obvious sex noises she yelled my father's name and the sound stopped it took a minute but he came to the door of the bedroom and asked her what she needed like she was disturbing him she asked him what he was doing and he told her he was rearranging Furniture I almost wanted to laugh I asked him if my girlfriend was down there with him and he tried to say it was ridiculous I pushed past him and opened the door to find her trying to put her clothes on as quietly as possible
a four-way argument broke out between everybody as everything unfolded honestly even though I had a suspicion that we were going to find out what we did my reaction was pretty natural I was hurt and I was angry and I let that show nobody had any idea that I had almost planned for us to see what we did my stepmom kicked my dad out of the house that night and I went back to her apartment to pack a bag and get away I couldn't be around my girlfriend after what happened I ended up moving out of
the apartment entirely a few few weeks later I found out that my dad had been looking for a place to crash so my girlfriend invited him there they were seeing each other for a couple of months and my girlfriend got pregnant it seems like my dad had a bit of a pattern in how he went about things he told her that he already had children and he was trying to reconcile things with his wife he couldn't do that if he had another baby in the picture he tried to deny it and he even tried to
convince her to get an abortion she didn't want to do that as soon as I found out what happened I informed my stepmother about it so she would be aware that he was going to try to lie to her she thanked me for the information and assured me that she would be staying far away from my father all of the friends that my girlfriend and I had together were appalled by what she did they didn't understand how she could sleep with somebody who had such a fragile relationship with her boyfriend and they thought she was
Heartless A lot of them stopped talking to her after everything she did end up having a child with my father but he wasn't in the picture my father divorced his wife and was forced to pay child support and alimony from his paychecks to her on top of that because a DNA test proved that he was the father of my ex-girlfriend's child he was forced to pay child support I highly doubt he was saying any of his own paychecks
