[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you oh mercy Mery Mery thank you thank you sit down sit down sit down sit down sit down are you standing for me or are you straightening out your underwear I don't know why I'm very boy what an audience here what a crowd for me for thought I was a schar now uh hello Mary it is such an honor for me to present this award to you in recognition of your abundant humor thank you a Shante what this cost 280 I I'm very very glad ladies and gentlemen and
oh thank you very much darling you really were wonderful Mistress of Ceremonies I really mean that she's a darling woman fix this good me will you pal we you fix this I'm sorry to wake you up would you do that for me put that back in the Box no I love Mary Tyler Moore and God bless her and we should really be very happy right now that we can thank the good Lord for sending Mary to Earth because I mean that because when har was born there was a star in the east me I want
to tell you thank you very much Miss uh I want to tell you ladies and gent about this wonderful honor that you bestowed upon me tonight um ladies and gentlemen I have to say in my long career in Show Business I've received many many awards many plaques many Tony many emys but tonight this is the most this is the most recent well bu Us in the F and dime so will one of the green twins come out and take this back for me SA or Irving thank you looks like like my mother-in-law I uh I
wonderful I'm not going to stay on uh very long or too long because and if you believe that you'll also believe there'll be a Richard Simmons Jr Al I'll tell you oh very hip hip on it I'll tell you I'll tell you how I happen to find out about this this wonderful festival and this wonderful uh honor they bestowed on me the uh the president of the festival isil be rosan his right name is gilbertt Rosen that's it sit down dear we saw the dress thank you I I'll tell you hold it hold it wa
I'll tell you I'm laughing CU I know what's coming I uh I'll tell you how I happen to be here to get this award about four weeks ago I got a call in Beverly Hills on my phone uh collect from uh from the president of this festival and he said to me Mr Burl he said do you believe in free speech I said of course I do he said well you're making one July 19th in Montreal that's down here you know you know like there's a switch I can't get it down I the hell with
it I won't use it forget it but I'm very go I got so much guest I'm being followed by Arabs I'm not kidding I can't help it what' you say right no it's not from drinking I don't drink Jews don't drink too much because it interferes with their suffering I uh everything wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute everything has really happened to me since I arrived here in Montreal I got got off at the airport this is a true story if it's not the truth I should drop dead in this spot I
got a I got up listen I got I got off at the airport and a little old lady true story little old lady walked over and she must have been about 88 she'd come over to me she looked at me she said hello Uncle M she says I love you she says you know I've been watching you ever since I was a little girl I said get the hell out of crazy people here listen then I walked a little further and I heard two guys talking one said to the other do you and your wife
have mutual climax he says no I think it's all state I don't know what the hell he was talking you know I just oh this's a hip Audi hip AUD hip you hip audience see the hips on his broad I uh you know I just I just flew in from Las Vegas to be here and I'm glad I left there cuz I got in the back there applauding if you knew somebody you'd be sitting here I uh I wanted you know no wait a minute wait I just flew in I'm kidding I'm kidding I just
flew in Vegas and I got murdered at the crap table I'm I'm unlucky I'm really I'm going bad show you how bad I'm going about four months ago I left I I loaned a a good friend of mine $30,000 to have his face fixed now I can't find this son of a I'm really going bad going very very bad last night I dreamt I gave mouth to mouth resuscitation to Tammy Baker and I fell in oh God boy but I want to tell you I um oh God I miss G Island I uh I got
to tell you in this town I haven't been in monre a long time and you meet the craziest people this is who I saw a guy dressed very funny on on the street out here and I walked over and I said are you a Jehovah Witness he says I didn't even see the accident I don't know what the hell I was talking about and this is another trueth story I I coming into the which joke are you working on I don't know coming into the theater here in front of theater I saw a woman and
this is a true story she had she had one of her breasts hanging out of her dress and I didn't what I was embarrassed so I walked over and I said Madam one of your breasts are hanging out of your dress she said oh my God I left the baby on the bus did terrible the last time now the last time what an audience tonight the last time I was here in Montreal I was at the convention sit down please sir please the lady with the big tus would you sit down please you must have
known somebody to get those seats I get the last time I was in Montreal I was here at the palace of Congress in the convention hall I was here for a seminar a seminar was on premature ejaculation that's right premature ejaculation I was here I left early but I was here before before I leave the rostom to go to the restroom I would like to say these Immortal words to all you folks here in Montreal in the immortal words of the Jolly Green Giant who said there's nothing like a good pee no no no no
I'm made up I mixed up in the immortal words in the mortal words what am I shouting about I got the job any Immortal words of the Hunchback of Notre Dame who said to his tayor forget about the pants fix the goddamn jacket in the immortal words of Moses when he stood on top of Mount Si and said what a spot for a hospital wait I got a lot of in the immortal words in the immortal words of our former President Jimmy Carter who said to the pope as the pope was leaving the White House
next time bring the wife and kids in Immortal words of Abraham who said to God now God let me get this straight they get to keep the land and the oil and we get to cut off the tips of our what just a couple of more in the words in Immortal words of Mrs Dan Quail who said to her husband when she was in bed with him you're no Jack Kennedy ladies and gentlemen I got to go now before before I split may I get serious for a moment and may I tell you what a
thrill it's been watching so many of these young talented comedians perform tonight they are the wave of the future I mean that and they will I know they will carry the torture comedy and keep the world laughing into the 21st century God bless them and God bless you all thank you good night [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]
