Am I The Jerk For Kicking Out My Sister’s Boyfriend After He Rejected The Dinner... - Reddit Family

am I the jerk for kicking out my sister's boyfriend after he rejected the dinner I spent hours cooking original post September 15th 2024 so here's what happened I 28f invited my sister 25f and her boyfriend 26m over for dinner I love cooking and have spent hours preparing this fancy meal homemade pasta a slow cooked Ru a salad and a Tiramisu for dessert I was really proud of it and excited to have them over when they arrived everything was fine at first we sat down and I started serving the food her boyfriend let's call him Steve stared at the pasta for a moment then looked at me and said I don't eat carbs at first I thought he was joking but nope he was dead serious he goes on about how he's super into keto and carbs are the enemy okay fine that's his choice but when I offered to make him a salad or something else on the spot he refused and said that I should have known about his diet beforehand This Is Where It gets weird he then pulls out a small Tupper with a container from his bag filled with what looked like boiled chicken and broccoli and starts to eat it at my dinner table while the rest of us are trying to enjoy the meal I spent hours making I was stunned and honestly kind of insulted I told him it was rude to bring his own food without mentioning it to me beforehand and he should have at least given me a heads up he then goes off about how people need to respect his dietary choices and that I was being controlling by not accommodating his needs at this point I'd had enough I told him if you can't eat what served and won't even let me make something else then maybe you should just get out he stood up said something like I'm just trying to be healthy grabbed his Tupperware and walked out my sister stayed for a bit but eventually left too saying I overreacted now my sister's mad at me saying I embarrassed her boyfriend and made them both feel unwelcome my mom thinks I should apologize but my friends are on my side saying Steve was being incredibly rude ATA for telling him to get out op's comment top comment commenter your sister didn't give you a heads up about his diet oop honestly no she didn't I'm not sure if she even knew how serious he was about the whole keto thing because she never mentioned it she eats pretty much anything so I assumed he was the same but even if she had I feel like it still would have been polite for him to at least say something beforehand instead of just showing up with his own meal I would have happily made something keto friendly if I had known there is no consensus bot on atah but top comments were NTA update post September 2th 2024 6 days later well y'all buckle up because things have escalated in a way I never expected after my initial post I figured things would calm down once my sister had time to cool off spoiler alert they did not so the day after I told Steve to leave my sister text me saying they want to talk things through at a family dinner I assumed it would be just the three of us maybe at a neutral restaurant where we could hash it out like adults nope instead my sister invites my parents my brother and Steve's parents to this dinner at my parents house turning it into some kind of weird intervention I show up thinking it'll just be a casual conversation but the moment I walk in Steve's mom let's call her Carol is already going off about how Steve has always had special dietary needs and how people who care about him should respect his boundaries the woman acts like the guy has a life-threatening allergy not a trendy diet my mom is sitting there looking super uncomfortable while my dad's just quietly sipping his beer clearly wishing he were anywhere else so Carol starts listing off Steve's dietary restrictions and she's acting like I personally offended the whole keto Community by serving pasta then brace yourselves Carol pulls out a folder yes a literal folder with printouts she hands one to me one to my mom and one to my dad I'm flipping through this thing and it's full of Steve's dietary guidelines suggested meal plans and even a list of keto friendly restaurants we could go to in the future at this point I'm doing everything I can not to laugh but it gets worse Steve pipes up and says he's willing to forgive me for disrespecting his lifestyle if I agree to host a redo dinner where I follow his dietary restrictions to the letter he says this will prove I'm serious about making amends and respecting his needs going forward I thought he was joking but no he was dead serious he even pulled out his phone to show me some keto recipe apps that I might find helpful I was in total shock my sister by the way said absolutely nothing during all of this just staring at her plate like she wanted to disappear here my mom bless her tries to smooth things over by suggesting we all just eat whatever we want when we're together but Carol snaps it's not that simple she says that in their family they all follow keto together and that's why Steve is so passionate about it at this point I've had enough I stood up and said look I'm not redoing the dinner I'm not making anyone a special keto Feast if Steve can't eat what I cook that's fine but bringing his own meal to my dinner without even telling me was disrespectful and not apologizing for feeling that way and then this is where it gets absolutely Bonkers Steve's dad stands up points at me and says this is exactly why Steve doesn't trust women to understand him they always make it about themselves the whole room went silent my dad finally spoke up saying I think it's time for you all to leave and started walking toward the door basically escorting Steve's parents out Steve and my sister stayed behind but Steve was Furious he started yelling about how families should support each other and then accused me of trying to sabotage their relationship because I'm jealous of what they have at that point I just walked out and left the whole mess behind here's the kicker though a couple of days later my sister called me and told me she and Steve were taking a break because she needed time to think apparently this whole keto Fiasco was the last straw on a long list of controlling behavior from Steve she didn't realize just how bad it was until the whole family saw it play out at dinner she even told me that Steve had been trying to get her to follow his diet for months but she was hiding snacks in her car just to get a break from all the keto Madness so now Steve's Gone full radio silent my sister is staying with me for the time being and I'm still getting passive aggressive texts from Carol about how hurt Steve is and how he's just misunderstood honestly I'm just glad my sister is finally seeing how controlling this guy was tldr Steve's keto Obsession led to a full-blown family intervention where his mom handed out dietary guidelines and now my sister is taking a break from him because she realized how controlling he is is now to the next story story two my wife left me for her rich lover but when he lost it all she came Crawling Back asking for a second chance I am 32 years old and I have been married to my wife who is 27 for over 6 years we've been together for 8 years and 3 months and have lived together for 7 years in my opinion everything was always excellent I felt like we were the ideal relationship we both have decent careers secure money and purchased a home 5 years ago in February 2022 I tragically lost my mother to a heart attack the months that followed were extremely difficult for both myself and my wife who was close to my mother by harsh I mean truly rough we hardly went out twice throughout that time spending most nights at home relaxing on the couch and watching TV I wasn't happy but I assumed we'd get through it then D-Day arrived 5 weeks ago my wife went out drinking with three male co-workers only 5 minutes away from our house I was okay with it thinking cool but I'm going to bed soon around 3:30 a. m. she arrived home with those three guys I knew them all she then informed me that she was going out with them to the city I disliked it but I couldn't stop her everything closes at 4:00 a.

m. yet despite the 15minute travel home she didn't arrive until 5:30 that was when my suspicions began despite the fact that I had never mistrusted her before 4 weeks ago she departed for an entire Sunday claiming she was going to a carnival with her mother I didn't trust it but had no idea what to do she even left without saying goodbye while I was showering she arrived home later that day Weeping my initial answer was honey come here what happened what's made you so upset her first words were I want a divorce following that we had an emotional conversation I asked her straight up whether she had cheated and she answered no she told me she was unhappy for a long time and wanted a divorce she had never informed me anything was wrong with our relationship so this really surprised me after our conversation she left and moved in with her mother 4 days later I met her again since we have a puppy that neither of us can care for on our own especially at her mother's house so the dog is currently staying with an aunt when we met again I confronted her about infidelity this time she admitted it she said that she had cheated on me from the night she went drinking until a week later when she left home she stated that she believed she was in love with him when I asked her what she liked best about him she simply answered we have a good connection a spark that was it I suppose she also stated that she was experiencing a midlife crisis and was unsure about her life goals in my perspective she's going insane she unexpectedly colored her hair purple and joined up for motorbike training I attempted to reconcile with her during the first week or two of her departure but she refused to budge every significant message I sent her was ignored she did respond to light ones but her responses were brief and arrogant I really don't recognize my wife anymore her personality appeared to transform in just one week she treats me as if I never existed in her life as if I were a piece of junk is this a protective strategy to make things easier for her by pushing her issues into the future has she truly changed and feels this way now how on Earth is that possible I mean I get that falling in love is a fantastic experience but what will happen to her after a few months when the honeymoon period with this guy is gone and she wakes up from it all I've had a lot of conflicting sentiments I resent her for cheating on me and I'm incredibly disappointed but I also see and understand that the foundation of our marriage has always been strong five weeks have passed since D-Day she still hasn't filed for divorce and neither have I I'm not sure but I believe she's still seeing the person she cheated on me with to be honest I am split between saving our marriage and ending it right now I don't care if we get back together or divorce I honestly do not know what to do if I file for divorce now I might regret it later for being too quick but I also can't keep living in this state of limbo still legally married but she's already gone edit for the first 4 days after she departed I was unsure if she had cheated on me or not those were the toughest days because I felt so horrible and as if I had messed up everything but as she admitted to cheating those sentiments began to vanish even if I share responsibility for some aspects of our divorce it is entirely her fault she never showed me she was unhappy she appeared pleased as if she could have been an actress she never mentioned being dissatisfied or what needed to change to top it all off she has cheated and continues to do so this is finished I no longer feel there is a way out of this also I don't miss her right now sure I miss who we were as a couple but who is she now honestly I almost feel sorry for the next guy whose heart she's bound to shatter to be honest I'm doing really well after my mother died of course I had other issues at the time but I was finally getting out of the funk and climbing back up I wanted to go outside drink have fun ride my motorcycle Etc but then she cheated and kicked me back into the Ravine it will be all right in time but I have to say that I am not looking forward to the holidays no mother no wife and my father is alone after 40 years of marriage but we will deal with it life carries on fortunately I have a wonderful sister and a close circle of friends who I have known for over 20 years I'm not ready to return to single life but I am also a little excited I haven't dated in almost almost 8 years and I haven't gone out without first checking in with my partner of course I fell as deeply as possible this year but I'm confident that there will be better days ahead one of the redditors was completely correct about us marrying Too Young when we married I was 26 and she was 21 I haven't changed much in those years but it's possible that she has changed much and has hidden those feelings for quite some time note she stated that she is experiencing a midlife crisis those are her words not mine to go deeper into our common interests Hobbies characteristics and so on I merely indicated in the post that we lived a stable life I didn't go into depth since I didn't believe it would matter very much and the post is already pretty lengthy but here we go hobbies and interests we both enjoy gaming although we have never played together I'm now playing asterisk Age of Empires 4 asterisk on my PC while she prefers to play asterisk The Witcher asterisk on her PlayStation 4 we both enjoyed watching a good Netflix show especially after my mother died we did it frequently but even before that we preferred staying in together to watch a nice movie rather than going out drinking we would occasionally go to the movies or play pool maybe once or twice a month we also went out to dinner we both liked motorcycles I had a license and a bike whereas she didn't she always enjoyed sitting in the back seat of the bike as a passenger when she was younger her father would take her for rides on his bike apparently she wants her own license and bike something I was unaware of family time we both enjoyed spending time with our family we'd usually spend every other Sunday at her mother's house with her stepfather her father's house with her stepmother or my father's house we enjoyed driving to Nature sites and forests as well as going for walks with our dogs personality traits I enjoyed how spontaneous she could be well she appears to be too impetuous but that's okay I sometimes overthink things such as whether we should buy something whether we actually enjoy it how much money we have at the time and so on she would simply buy it or book the vacation I was apprehensive about I admire that about her I realize we were diametrically opposed in this regard I adored her sense of humor we had or have an incredible connection when it comes to humor we had the exact same dry goofy sense of humor and always had a good time together I always admired her honesty and straightforwardness until things went wrong she was continuously telling me how she felt what she liked and disliked for example approximately 4 years ago I became addicted to a video game at the time I had no idea what I was doing wrong but after a few weeks she told me I wasn't making her happy and that I needed to pay more attention to our relationship which I did I kept gaming to a bare minimum bro I enjoyed the way she spoke walked and laughed I adored her appearance she had a beautiful grin I even liked how she usually sneezes 8 to 10 times in a row but as of right now all of those sentiments I had or have are quickly disa ating as for our sex life I'll make it brief we didn't have much sex since we got married I'd guess it's been twice a month on average in my opinion it was always fantastic though I'm not sure about hers anymore thinking back we both always climaxed unless she faked it which I doubt the sex act wasn't that thrilling we always performed the same three or four positions and that was it update one okay I made several calls yesterday in the Netherlands we have something called a mediator who handles all elements of divorce this mediator handles the lawyer work including financial and emotional discussions it's like an all-in-one individual assisting two people with their divorce today we spoke with this mediator unfortunately my soon to be EX's car broke down and I had to pick her up for Yes I had to for this to work for the divorce to be finalized it is critical that both of us attend the meetings with the mediator anyway the talk went well as predicted we both indicated our desire to be divorced but the adultery was never acknowledged I didn't think it was worth stating that the mediator is neutral and does not take sides also in the Netherlands there are no rules against cheating thus she has the same rights as if she hadn't cheated we remain seated at the table after the mediator had left barely speaking our cats roaming about were the only diversion after a few minutes I inquired if she had anything further to say and she said no I thus said okay then I think you can go now now because I don't want you here she asked can you take me home I declined saying how you get home is your own problem I'm not in the mood to drive 30 minutes to get you home she looked emotional I believe she expected me to drive her home because in the past I had done everything for her after that she called her mother who will pick her up in about an hour she left the house stating I'm going for a walk for about an hour until mom arrives to pick me up she seemed hurt and emotional as she departed but I'm staying strong I still notice a lot of unusual behavior on her part and I believe she is still in the affair fog despite everything I still love her for who she was but for the time being I'm staying tough and treating her as if she meant nothing to me edit as of right now she means nothing to me she is just no longer the woman I loved and remained faithful to query I have a query that requires some context for the past 11 years I have worked as a driver for a transportation firm called super trans I res designed that job 4 months ago and got a new one with another Transportation firm around 1.