[Applause] daddy W up make up make up [Music] W that's like the second time this week I really wish I had someone to hold [ __ ] it let's keep going what am I hitting today girlfriend so bad I forgot to make food we got to stay hard we got to [ __ ] push through this man every day is the same things change so I'm sitting there and it's the worst pain I can ever even I can't even describe the pain of that last 30 miles to anybody no one it's very hard for [Music]
[Applause] [Music] for bro just described my life with that intro that's my predictions for what the comment section would look like if I didn't just bring that up all over social media there's this trend of men doing all of the activities I just showed over some sad or motivating music but why does it even matter anyways and what does it tell us about the current state of affairs in the west I think the answer goes much deeper than you think what do you do when you've finished everything you've had to do for the day I
believe this question tackles the root of the rising issue of male loneliness in the modern world so two obvious answers come to mind the first is that you invest in some sort of hobby or you hang out with friends whatever you end up doing it's going to require some effort on your part but in most cases humans have a preference towards choosing the path of least resistance in order to understand this rise of this lonely male aesthetic I think we have to look at how this path of least resistance has changed in the past couple
decades or so if we go back to the '90s just before things like the internet and the cell phone really became mainstream it was almost impossible to not have to interact with people in real life peer pressure and social Conformity before individualism and being unique was glorified was much more prominent now you could argue that forcing people to conform and interact with people whom they share no common interest with is a bad thing and I would pretty much agree with you there I don't think anyone is arguing that being around the wrong group of people
is better than being alone but it's the opportunity that arises when you're forced to socialize and not spend all of your time inside if we think of this solely in terms of statistics if you spend more of your waking hours surrounded by people doing activities with other people in person whether forced or not the chances of finding friends that you do connect with is much greater than if you weren't forced to interact with anyone at all but now since you can work remotely deliver food to your door in minutes although let's be honest door Dashers
take centuries to get to your place and send any and all information that used to require human interaction on the internet there's no real urge to step outside and increase those chances this draws attention to a severe lack in what used to be commonplace for the average young adult in a America a third place but before we get into third places there's another unintended consequence to wearing the same hoodies in t-shirts every single day and that is that you stop caring about your hygiene and when you stop caring about your hygiene then having the confidence
to actually put yourself out there and feel sociable is much more difficult all right fellas I want to tell you a story that highlights the importance of your stench so I was over at my girlfriend's house one day and she was on Facebook time with her best friend and her best friend had just gotten back from going on a first date her best friend said yeah he was great he was very gentlemenly he was very easy to talk to he made me feel safe and secure but I just couldn't get over the smell this dude
had everything going for him but solely because he didn't take care of how he smelled he did not get a second date I've been taking the way I smell in my cologne game a lot more seriously over the past couple years which you probably don't know because well can't smell me through the screen and I have felt much more confident in my day-to-day routines I noticed that I feel more willing to talk to people more people are willing to talk to me and I just give off a different sort of energy in one way you
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use the code Cole at checkout or you can click the link below this video which will give you 55% off your first month that is just $8 a month for your first month and you get access to all these premium fragrances so check that out code Cole at checkout or Link in the description below let's shift our Focus back to that question that tackles the root of the Lonely male aesthetic but let's twist the question a little bit when you're finished with school or you're done with work where do you frequently go my guess is
your answer would be your house or the gym neither of which are environments that encourage social activity unless you're going to the gym with Group which you probably aren't if you relate to the intros skit in contrast to places like your house or the gym a third place which was a term first coined by sociologist Ray oldenberg in his 1989 book The Great good place is a setting which a person frequence beyond their home or work that usually encourages one to socialize in short it's just a fun place to hang out where people can chill
and not have to focus on anything related to work and all people of different cultures and backgrounds come to these places to just hang out common examples of third places include bars cafes bookstores community centers restaurants barber shops and you could even consider gym to be a third place too if you use the gym to actually talk to people rather than stare at your phone between sets now here's the thing although a lot of people spend way more time doing activities that only require themselves in their house with an internet connection most people really do
value and want to go to these third places I think we all love them I mean who doesn't love going to an old bookstore and rumaging through the books and then finding one that is covered in dust with a strange name and then you go sit on a weird couch that looks like 50 years old and you just read the first few pages but the problem is that America has purposefully ruined the way we operate between residential areas and Commercial areas between 2008 and 2015 stores selling Sporting Goods hobby items musical instruments and books decreased
by 27% while barber shops beauty salons and laundromats dropped by nearly 23% there are now zoning laws which prevent commercial spaces like bars and cafes from building in residential areas which means people have to rely on cars and waiting in traffic for potentially hours just to get to a third place and this only further disincentivizes the idea of going to one hostile architecture that screams we don't want you to chill here leaves less areas for teens to have spontaneous hangout sessions as well all culminating into a society quite literally designed to keep you socially isolated
this environment reverberates through the culture of the youth and is reflected in the lack of social effort exuded by a lot of young dudes just one of the many reasons why the lonely male aesthetic is rising on social media but I don't really like just playing the victim card here is it tougher to find a spot to just hang out yes but there are still so many third places I can think of that are even close to me and I can only imagine the reason that many of these third places started shutting down is because
there was less of a demand for them people started going to them less and then sales dropped and then they were forced to close the real problem is related to what I stated earlier humans often go for the path of least resistance when it comes to getting what they want and need and the path of least resistance to relationships with other people that aren't actually relationships at all is parasocial relationships that many young men now have with their favorite content creators a parasocial relationship for those who don't know is a one-sided relation ship where a
person extends their emotional energy interest and time into someone who probably doesn't even know they exist parasocial relationships have existed ever since celebrities have been a thing but never have they existed at such a scale as they do now we all know too much about each other at this point which is kind of ironic considering we're now lonelier than ever but that is especially true of people who post their lives on social media for living like me the feeling you get when you consistently watch your favorite content creators replicates the feeling of being with other
people just enough to the point where it convinces you that you're getting healthy social interaction for just long enough until it's too late in the day to really do anything about it all the time I get comments saying I wish I knew you in real life I feel like we would be really good friends or see comments like insert content creator name here is so relatable I feel like I have a better connection with them than the people I know in real life I'm going to be completely honest with you here and shatter your reality
a little bit just because you find a content creator aable does not mean that you guys would be friends in real life or that they would want to be friends with you in real life but that's the thing right these creators who share their personality and vulnerabilities more than the average person in real life make you feel like you can connect with them on a deeper level than most of the people you meet because that is their job to share their personality and vulnerabilities and they're usually less afraid to do it than people in real
life this has created social media clicks around different creators which mirror Clicks in real life there's the Minecraft gamer click the brain rot click the makeup click the van lifee click and last but not least the lonely male Jim br/ Jim cell click and unlike real life which is rarely given you an opportunity to feel like you belong this online click whose content matches heavily enough with your daily thoughts and routines rewards you by giving you a place to finally fit in now comes the follow-up question what's wrong with that I mean that's a great
question to ask there are a lot of advantages to finally having that place where you feel like you belong even if it just is on the internet I mean it's better than being a lonely gim bro and having absolutely nobody who understands you or what you're going through and who knows maybe you could make some friends online through that click if you actually made an effort to reach out to them but the thing I fear most by glorifying loneliness as an aesthetic is I just don't think it's sustainable longterm there is no substitute for face-to-face
interaction in real life with some good people where you can feed off of each other's energies that you're getting by being together there's there's just not and I've talked about this in my stop trying to be so mysterious video but this whole loner no one understands me vibe that you're giving off is almost definitely a natural response to a world who you're afraid to show your true self to a world that if you continue not showing your true self to Will will not give you the opportunities to find those people that you only think exist
online listen I'm not here to preach to you about how you should live your life if you are in this lonely male aesthetic and you genuinely enjoy being alone all the time and living this way and it isn't hurting your mental health then keep doing it but I think the large majority of men who fit that aesthetic aren't very happy with their lives how do I know this well for one we have the data to back up the link between loneliness and poor mental health but secondly it's because I too have been occupying the reality
of the Lonely male aesthetic for the past couple months now and I can feel it eating away at me a little this video isn't just for the lonely Jim bro self-improvement type males out there it's also a video for me for the guy who's kind of lost his way recently the guy that knows he could be doing more if he just responded to more of those texts or spent time planning something fun with the people he knows in his area but rarely reaches out to do so I'm not sure how much us young guys can
do to change the laws and the shutdowns of these third places that lead to more Community Centric activities but I do know that we can make them more in demand if we show up to these places more or create them ourselves at the very least start by finding a place where you can chill which does not need to be related to improving yourself or grinding technically it can be related to that but I believe the best intention behind finding a good third place is finding a place where you can completely take your mind off of
work and just have really deep great conversations start showing up if you do feel lonely in your current routine and you know it's starting to affect your mental health and if that really doesn't work if there's really no good third places in your area I hate to say this but you got to be the one to create something like that you got to be the one to put your hoodie down and take your airpods out and start going up and talking to people you got to be the one to create some sort of community or
volunteer work if you can't find it ideally you could find some sort of volunteer work or maybe a book club I don't know what you're interested in but it's probably out there and if it's not there's people waiting for you to create the organization that you wish was out there it's a hell of a lot more difficult to consistently Foster these relationships in real life than continue pretending you're in an anime edit as you walk down a dark desolate street but I can tell you from my experience that's a hell of a lot more fulfilling
if there's one thing I've learned by opening up online it's this that even though we all come from very different cultures backgrounds and upbringings what we go through is so incredibly similar the real reason you can relate to my videos isn't because you and I share this incredibly unique Human Experience it's because everyone goes through the [ __ ] you and I are struggling with it's just that most people aren't willing to show that side of themselves unless they are making a profit off of their vulnerabilities like me but in that struggle there's always common
ground to find with almost anybody you meet so long as both parties aren't afraid to be human to each other I think the internet has given us a great opportunity to really find that tribe whose interests are super aligned and especially the mindset of what type of future we want is super aligned and that's when using the internet as a way to find your community really shin and I wanted to create something like that so I created a free self-improvement community where you can talk to people exchange ideas about self-improvement I know a lot of
people don't really talk about that stuff in real life or aren't willing to so if you want to check out that Community the link is in the description below and make sure to try out cered by using my code colet checkout or clicking that link below in the description and hey i' hope you'd take action and go out and try to meet people after this video but if you want to improve your social skills I do have a playlist on how to do that right here if you want to click on that and I love
you guys well I love you guys as a group but I don't know you individually so I can't actually love you but I I do love the idea of you guys okay I'm gonna go bye
