Lana Rhoades on the Dark Side of the Porn Industry, Why She Left and Where She's At Now

the name's [Music] npj welcome to another episode of Curious Mike I am here with Lana rhods um yeah so people are going to be surprised that we're on a podcast together um but I actually came across one of your podcasts that you used to do um cuz I was messing with one of your friends and she sent me the podcast and you were talking about just the dark sides of the adult film industry and and the and the porn industry um which you used to be a part of and it really just I was really

interested and honestly like inspired by your story so that's kind of why I want to have you on and um I appreciate you being vulnerable and coming on a podcast no thank you that's so sweet yeah now for sure so let's start off just with your childhood I feel like um a lot of people who end up in the sex industry at all kind of have an unorthodox kind of upbringing was your a usual upbringing or how'd that go growing up um so there's a lot of things that I've come to terms with recently that

I didn't even realize were wrong in my childhood like the past year I've started going to therapy and I was diagnosed with Borderland personality disorder MH and I um like I've been through so many things that I was like oh maybe this caus it or this caused it and the one thing that like like really um I feel like if you don't have Borderland BPD like you won't understand the feeling but basically to figure it out I had to go back and think when was the first time that I had this feeling that like no

one loves me and just like overwhelming emotions to the point where it feels like you have to like hurt yourself in some way and so that was um came from just like when you're a young child and you're developing your um like attachment to parents or emotional regulation skills if people invalidate you like say you're crying and your parents like yell at you to make you stop or they hit you um and I'm talking like 2 3 years old like obviously you shouldn't be you should never hit your kids um it can cause that and

I just had no idea like I actually thought that everyone's parent par hit them and like I really thought that I thought maybe like it just started young doing it and I asked a couple of my friends I was like how how old were you when your parents hit you for the first time and they're like what my parents never hit me mhm um so like there's just there's just like a lot and then I have a sister who has schizophrenia too MH so I feel like I wasn't dealt like the best hand of cards

when it comes to like family circumstance ances which definitely contributed to the decisions that I made when I was older because if your brain is just like completely like warped from going through so much like going through certain things can actually change um your brain chemistry and 100% And damage it um and so I I don't think that I would have made the decisions that I made if I was in a better um um state of mind because I only was in the industry for a short period of time and that was because I finally

was able to like get away from where I was living and like be separated and live my own life and experience the world and kind of like heal cuz I wasn't in that constant right was there did you have your father around or no um no my so my parents got divorced when my mom was pregnant with me gotcha yeah so yeah obviously like growing up was tough I had a I had a u woman on the podcast who also she kind of ended up in in the industry she actually was trafficked um and she

had a similar childhood I don't think she had a father figure around and you know her upbringing wasn't the best and it led her to hanging around some people and idolizing certain things and she ended up you know in a really messed up situation so um you know you go through that childhood and then I think your teenage years is when you come kind of started getting into the to the to the industry how did that kind of unfold like what was the steps that you took to even you know get into that um well

yeah it was kind of like um a progressive like lad effect I started out working at like a restaurant similar to Hooters when I was 17 um and it's not that I don't like know my dad at all I just don't spend a lot of time with him um but he like signed the paper so that I could work there because it's like a restaurant where you have to wear like a sexy outfit and I wasn't even 18 right um so that was like my first like kind of job where men sexualize you and look

at you in that way and I never thought that I was like pretty or anything growing up so it was I was like wow they hired me here like I'm pretty enough to work here and then like guys giving like coming up to me and giving me $20 and being like you're so hot here's $20 it was just like it was so weird to me but also validating because I didn't have that self-esteem so I kind of went further down the rabbit hole when I turned 18 I left that job and I went straight to

becoming a dancer at a club um and then after that it was porn right and I don't want to spend too much uh time kind of in that in that period of your life which is a very brief period I think uh total you said you filmed around 8 months toal yeah like two four months stance got you what I really kind of want to get at is the fact that you know in terms of being a a porn star like you had everything that any girl in that industry would want you know you got

the fame you got the popularity probably were making more money than most girls um and you kind of threw that all away and now are kind of an advocate like against a lot of the stuff and you speak openly and you're very passionate about kind of what goes on in the in the in the dark size of the porn industry and how it's not everything kind of isn't as it seems um so what kind of brought about your change in perspective um just actually had an experience so I started doing only fans again mhm and

I had an experience last night with another girl that reminded me of how I felt in those times so um it's like I actually couldn't sleep last night cuz I was just so hurt by this happening what me and one of my good girlfriends um we went live on only fans last night and I just like recognized this facial expression that she had that she looked so uncomfortable and this was our third time doing it like with friends like we like kiss off camera and stuff um so I wasn't expecting it but I was like

are you okay like are you comfortable and she's like I just have anxiety and then she like went off to the side and started just balling and I turned the live off and it's just such like I feel honestly destroyed that I even like had like any part in someone feeling um not comfortable with what they were doing and also like she was explaining to me that like she needs to make money for certain things so she feels like she like she doesn't say no to all the things that she would want to and it's

probably good that this experience happened with me because I have been through that so much myself that I was able to give her really good advice even though it's something that like literally killed me inside to be part of um but that's essentially what it was it's it's a bunch of really young girls who get into the industry like the younger the better for them these girls like when I started I looked like a little kid like I looked like a little kid um and that's what they that's what they like that's what sells and

a lot of girls even my friends we don't feel comfortable saying no for some reason MH um cuz we just I don't know it's just like a natural girl thing I think we're taught as children to like be obedient especially to like men or like if you're raised in a religious family like it's always like obey your father stuff like that and so so it's a really big problem with girls feeling pressured by like agents who don't necessarily have their best interest in mind and um end up doing a lot of things that that really

hurt them like for me there are certain scenes that I did that I I felt like I didn't say anything to them because it's work and I wanted to be professional but for example when the camera would be behind me and you couldn't see my face I would be bagging or crying mhm because I felt like I was being raped because I did not want to be doing it and I didn't want to be feeling the things in my body that I was feeling um cuz I was honestly like disgusted by the person that I

was having to shoot with cuz you don't get to choose right so it's just stuff like that that can be very damaging and it's not it's not the other people's fault um it's just a huge problem that there's not really anything to set up to protect girls that are young and vulnerable that don't know how to say no or or don't like have self-respect for themselves yet or care for themselves or love themselves because they've been through so much and like taught not to and I feel like a lot of people you know I don't

know if you guys Reed the backlash like oh you guys chose to do this or whatever but when you're when you're in your teenage years and then you're around these these older men I'm sure they're all older yeah they're all in their 40s they know exactly like how to get you to do what you want what they want to make them money mhm and then you guys don't even really make much I'm sure no it's pickles like I was the number one porn star and my rate was $1,200 for a sex scene yeah and you

$1,200 that's unbelievable um but obviously like a lot of these girls are coming from like small towns like their families probably don't have money like I thought $100 at the time was like so much money so getting $1,200 was like a big deal um but then I met this boy who worked in not the guy that I ended up dating for a long time and but I met this other boy that worked in like YouTube and Instagram and he shared with me that he was getting $155,000 to post with a Jeep on Instagram and I

was like I'm getting $1,200 for a sex scene yeah this is not okay yeah and I think that's one thing like this this industry like it continues to take off you know um as time goes on you know more people are exposed to it at a younger age it's like a like porn is a real life addiction for a lot of people but a lot of these young young men that are introduced to it they don't really know kind of behind the scenes what you guys deal with they look at these girls on camera and

think like oh they're enjoying it they this is what they like this is you know whatever and I think that it's important for people like you especially super successful people like you that decided to leave like to kind of educate young men and I guess young women now I saw a stat that you know a lot of young women uh watch porn too but just that it's not that's not um what it is it's not it's glamorous and it's not like these it's not what it appears to be kind of yeah definitely it was like

you could probably could not tell at all that I felt the way that I did in the certain scene because it's a job it's acting and like I had like pre-planned things that I was going to say during the scenes like facial expressions that I was going to make things that I was going to do because it's fake it's fake and um I also think like the point that you made that the guys don't understand what's going on behind the scenes and then also that people are like oh you knew what you got into and

like you get backlashed for talking out about it I think it's because men like consuming porn and they don't want to feel guilty for consuming it and so they don't want to hear that I felt the way that I felt and they refuse to believe that I'm not like a giant [ __ ] that wants to get like [ __ ] by like a bunch of big dicks like I'm the biggest prude in real life how did you did you because I know a lot of women that that are in that industry it's very hard

to get out or like you almost feel like you're stuck and even the girls that do they sometimes the only way out to them may seem like suicide like I saw a stat on your podcast where it was like the average life expectancy of someone in the um the sex industry for a woman is is about 37 and the average life expectancy outside of that industry is 78 I think and I was just like how is that possible so a lot of obviously a lot of these girls feel like there's no way out how were

you able to kind of kind of get out and kind of just like I guess find your identity outside of the industry I mean I had to or it probably would have led to that point of like killing myself um cuz I started like towards the end of it I started having panic attacks like before scenes cuz I really didn't want to do them and I didn't know how to say no I don't want to do this um so there really was no choice for me it was either like probably going to kill myself or

just do anything to to like make something else work and this is what I was telling my friend last night cuz she was saying that she's you know not really happy with doing only fans anymore and I'm like she has other passions that she's interested in I really believe anyone if they just work towards anything that they want to do just a little bit every single day like you can get there just cuz a lot of people aren't willing to like work every single day and put in the effort but if you do it really

does pay off when I quit porn I only had like2 200,000 followers on Instagram and I met this boy and I was like okay I want to do what he does I want to be an Instagram influencer and I grew my account to over 10 million in one year just by literally Asking All My Friends hey can you take a picture of me today hey can like you help me with this and just always posting like working on my Instagram and then I started getting brand deals um which sustained me so that I didn't have

to do any sex work and then um it just progressed over time with the stuff that I I do like ended up doing YouTube with my boyfriend then a podcast and now I'm doing fashion um so I really think like like it doesn't really make sense where I came from in porn to where I am now and I think it's really just believing that you can and putting in effort every single day to get there yeah I I mean I find that kind of um inspiring because I know a lot of people you know you

you hear the term selling yourself or fame or money or whatever but like the fact that you were the number one um porn star and then you chose to kind of like let all that go like I know I've talked to some some rappers who do who do the music yeah and they talk about how they don't really want to be making the type of music they do they don't want to talk about the the violence or the whatever they would rather be a positive message but the reason that they talk about these things is

because it sells and they they you know they're making a lot of money and they know if they changed their message or whatever they wouldn't be um as successful and it's similar in your story because you know you were doing all that but you decided to step down from that and you know try to find ways to make money or find your identity outside of point I feel like that um that obviously takes a big like leap of faith and it's just very hard to do um when you kind of have become something but you

want to completely shift away from it so I admire you for that um and that's kind of why I wanted to you know talk to you about this um but yeah I think one thing that my sister mentioned was as this porn industry kind of increases um you also see like an increase in in just the um the human trafficking the sex trafficking as well which I find that to be like I mean it's probably pretty obvious why they grow together but have you seen that can you speak on that or why do you think

the rise in porn also equals the rise in the human trafficking um how do those kind of collide together I'm I I personally have an like experienced human trafficking um or the closest like that I've ever been to meeting someone who has was I went to juvie when I was uh teen and really like it's really sad there some of the most beautiful amazing girls that I met in there and they were like 12 years years old and like their parents had been like pimping them out since they were like 11 um and like this

one girl looked like a model she was so beautiful and like this was happening to her because her her parents did dope and so they were pimping out their 11-year-old daughter and I remember at one point she like like there was like something on her butt or something and like she wanted me to look at it and like she bent over and she didn't have um like under on and like because if girls like get raped very young or like have to have sex it can like rude their vagina and it was just I felt

so bad for her cuz it she was only 12 and it looked like yeah just I don't know it's hard but that's that's the closest experience that I've had with that um I'm not like too educated on what's going on with gotcha yeah got you now just curious about that so what advice would you then give to so I guess a lot of girls are then going into this industry obviously by Free Will um so what advice you know being where you are now and seeing what you've seen um what advice would you then give

girls who are considering going into the industry and there's a few things one my experience and other girls experiences may be different um like I know people girls who supposedly really like doing it mhm and like that's fine for them to like doing it um the difference between me in those girls that I've noticed is that before I did porn I was only with one guy like I I didn't hook up with people um I still like have to be in love with someone to want to like be physical with them and the other girls

before they did porn the ones who like tend to like it more it's because they're already doing um like gang bangs and their personal life or like being very sexually active um already and so it like makes more sense to them they were like already thought yeah yeah they were already doing it and so they're like why not make money off of it and it's something that they enjoy supposedly I mean I'm sure like some of them have had like days on set that didn't go well yeah yeah yeah yeah do you feel like so

then what do you think contributes to the um to the the girls who end up in that industry doing so many drugs or the the suicide rates why do you feel like that is so high then do you just feel like there's a lot of girls that do feel like you or do you just feel like um yeah what do you think happens um kind of going back to like what happened with my friend last night she didn't want to be doing it but she felt like she needed money and so like the piece of

advice advice that I gave her was just if there's a piece of yourself that you don't feel like you can give don't give it for anything because that's going to end up like [ __ ] you up so bad in the long run and like I know because I I gave way too much of myself that I didn't want to and um like no money is worth doing that really and um I imagine like the girls wanting to kill themselves or like taking drugs like even just to to deal with it like to do the

scenes maybe if they don't want to be doing it so they can like disassociate cuz they just need to like make money to sustain themselves at that point um also like if your body it's just not natural for for people I think to be having sex with people that they don't know and that they're not attracted to um and also like even if you do like doing sex work there might be a day where you don't like having sex or you don't want to be sexual and you still have to do it anyway so it's

a bit traumatizing um to share your body in that way cuz it's such an intimate thing right and it's it's just not natural to be doing no 100% agree with that's stuff like imagine like you just meet someone in the lobby and like you're not attracted to them at all and it's like okay now you have to you have to [ __ ] them and pretend that you like it right no that's definitely it's awful it's crazy no this is definitely crazy to think about that's definitely I mean I think it's something obviously more more

intimate but I think you know I'm sure guys in the industry they don't they probably don't process stuff the way females do like they're in their living their best life probably like that's so some of them so like maybe when they first got into it but a lot of them do have problems too um like there's like these injections that guys have to do before the scenes like they can't even get hard anymore yeah I do hear about that yeah so they have to like shoot up their dick with some sort of stimulant I don't

know what it is or I I did date one guy um when I was in the porn industry who was like a director and he performed in his own scenes MH and they get which I've seen this with like celebrity men too that have hooked up with a lot of girls they get so like numb to just regular sex or um just women that they end up having like these like really intense fetishes cuz they can't like get off to normal things anymore like I've met guys who like being peed on who buy cookies with

poop in them off the internet and watch Girl things honestly I know what you're talking about because I even in the NBA like like you talk about and this is why I think uh like porn is dangerous but also hooking up with too many people and and because you get desensitized to the to the normal thing and this happens in the NBA like I hear I hear wild stories about some of these dudes but like you said oh trust me other other celebrities too that their fetishes get so crazy you know they might be a

straight a straight man but they've done so much stuff with so many pretty girls and they have so much access to pretty girls that you know now they're over here messing with [ __ ] or now they're over here or now they're over here messing with dudes and it's like it's crazy to think about and I think obviously I think the porn industry has a part to play in that because you watch a you know when you first get introduced to it just seeing a girl naked might might be enough for you but then you

you keep watching it and now you're looking at the craziest things and now normal sex in real life doesn't doesn't do it for you well definitely and also how old were you the first time that you saw porn man my mom caught me too but I really didn't want I just looked up like I think I I probably was in like I don't know maybe when I was like 11 or 12 maybe 13 like so young and I just looked up like naked girls or something like that you like boobs or something I was like

all I saw was a naked girl I was like but then like yeah so I understand like but imagine like being young and having no sexual experience yourself and then you watch like a porn scene for the first time and then you think that's what sex is like this like wild performance like I think one of the first sex scenes I saw was like Sasha gray and like she was like wild like licking toilet seats um doing like double anal gang bangs and so this is what I saw and like I thought when I like

first hooked up with my husband which is the only person I slept with before porn I thought that like how you suck a dick was like what I saw on camera which is like oh you have to like [ __ ] it like everything that I thought about sex was what I watched which now I've learned like that's not even what I like at all hold on so you was married before you went into porn so you married it like what like 17 at 18 I met him the week before I turned 18 got you

that's crazy but now I I feel you messes up kind of your perception of what it's supposed to be and even I think these dudes nowadays I mean obviously some girls are into some crazy things but these dudes that are always watching porn um they think that this is always What a Girl Wants and now they're going to these girls and and and and not knowing really what they actually enjoy and like I said some of these girls are out here and they're freaks so they they like all that stuff but not all of them

you know what I mean so I think it's really detrimental to young men and then if they go and they got a girl and the girl doesn't want to do this now they can't even really get off to him like I know some dudes that would rather watch porn than hook up with their girlfriend because their girlfriend may not do all the things that they're seeing on the screen I feel like that actually wild that is super super unhealthy yeah no that's also I don't know how I would feel about that as a girlfriend yeah

do you think that's considered cuz I know a lot of dudes you know they might have a wife that's ready in the bedroom but like she's not doing the things that you see on camera so they're going to sneak in the bathroom and watching porn as a woman do you feel like that would be considered cheating if you were married to a dude um I personally feel it might also be a BPD thing like cuz you're very sensitive to rejection but I do get very set like if I have a partner and like for whatever

reason they don't want to like they like reject me for sex like it makes me spiral um so like I can only imagine like if your like your significant other doesn't want to like [ __ ] you and they're more interested in seeing something else yeah it would be extremely hurt yeah and I feel like that happens so much rejected and feeling probably just like [ __ ] about yourself yeah that makes sense um but outside so like now you obviously have kind of turned your life around and you're not doing you're not doing that

anymore um did it take you a while I know you talk about how it's it's super frustrating for you anywhere you walk anywhere you go people look at you and they see a a porn star and you've been out of that for so many years now um is is that how do you deal with that and did it take you a while to to not be triggered by that I know it's probably you know super frustrating um you know you're doing your thing outside of that industry now but but how has that gone for you

I used to care a lot more than I do like when I started my podcast with Olivia and Alexa I I kind of did it in a way to like make myself like I wanted to use it in a way to like show people how I actually was or or like really like focused on like speaking well to sort of beat The Stereotype of like big a dumb porn star like I used to really really care what people think and like trying to prove that I wasn't this stereotype and and then after when I got

pregnant um like the bullying online got so bad with it that I just became um like tuned out to it and I don't give a [ __ ] anymore like I don't give a [ __ ] I mean no I mean every a lot of athletes have to go through that too so I feel you like you guys get Hella bullied bullied so bad crazy to us and so I I know how that feels and you really eventually reach a point where it's like man I don't care what these people are talking about no you

can't they have no relevance in my life why are they so concerned what I'm doing like and also once you start to like truly know who you are and like your morals and values how can they tell you who you are if you know how has the you know being a mother now and we talked about this before the podcast everybody say there speculations who the baby daddy is and you know uh like yeah people are going to say you're the baby Dy now they're going to like put side by side pictures I know but

like when we were in the playoffs obviously like my teammate Bruce who who that's who I met you through we all were kicking it somewhere out here in La um but you know like during the playoffs we would clim we would just like bro your pictur your baby you know what I mean um but obviously you probably I mean you're you're keeping that like on the low for a reason um but how has being a mother kind of changed your life and changed your perspective do you feel like has it helped you um it's kind

of like you you win some and you lose some you know um my pregnancy caused a lot of like health issues MH that I finally like have gotten under control and like sort of those also diminished my mental health like probably for the past 2 years until recently I was in like the worst mental health state that I'd ever been in however because I grew up in a house with a sister who was extremely mentally ill and it was like very toxic for me no matter what I always make sure to never let my son

see that and to always make sure that whether I'm depressed and stuck in bed that he has the best Nanny taking him to go and do activities if I can't do them with him or taking him out to dinner because I like I don't want the things that I go through to affect him and I really I really don't think that they do cuz I'm I'm super careful about it um but sorry what was the original question now I just curious how just being a mother like has just changed your your life or perspective um

well recently so I started taking medication like going to therapy and the relationship that I have with being a mother is just so great now like I really look at him and I'm like oh my God I'm like so lucky to have you yeah like just really really enjoying it actually recently cuz he usually goes to school and like I haven't even been wanting to send him to school lately cuz I'm like I need to spend all the time with you is is the dad like like around for real or like is it just you

or how's that going um just me he's only met his dad one time um and after that like the dad wasn't super nice about it so I was just like I'm not trying this with you anymore like was he more mad about the fact that you like had the kid or like he did he not want you to have the kid or why would I can't imagine even if it was like a girl who I who I messed up with and I want nothing to do with her like if I had a kid with that

woman I don't care how much I don't like her I'm still trying to spend time with my kid was also like it wasn't a one-time thing like he told me that he loved me like and then there's there's like other things that like we had quit talking before I even found out that I was pregnant um and like he might have even had um a girlfriend that I didn't know about which might be like part of it mhm um and so it always was just like I actually wrote like a poem about this on my

Tumblr um he never asked me to get an abortion or anything like that but constantly throughout my pregnancy I had never seen him since like the night that we conceived our son I actually saw him last week for the first time in 3 years but he would call me during my pregnancy like every few months and be like hey like um I'm worried that you're going to like people are going to find out this or that like can you please like do this like expecting me to protect him and I did for so long just

like out of love like everyone's like oh he paid her money or she has an NDA like no I don't like that's the that's the father of my child like I'm not trying to do anything bad to him like my son looks just like him so like no matter what happens I automatically will always have so much love for him because he's like part of my son right I think that's honestly like that's every dude who gets a girl pregnant dream is you could just tell her like yo can you just take care about it

yourself well no not even that it's more the fact that you I think it's crazy how you um I mean a lot of dudes would pay the girl not to not to say who it was or just pay the girl to take care of the baby but like you just didn't even you never have really come out and criticized the father or talk down about the the father you've just you know been a mother I mean I've I've made some jokes online about it that he's gotten mad about no nothing crazy like um like I've

made like jokes like in passing like don't have kids with NBA players or like one time I was like good father shooting a hoop and I was like well I did have NBA DNA in me for 10 months and I got a call after that he did not like those jokes really man now that's crazy my one of my last questions for you is like you talk about how it's been a process to kind of find an identity like outside of the industry and whatever and your real name is actually not Lana it's Amara correct

yeah Amar so if you kind of like have you ever considered just going and and leaving the Lana roads like behind and going by your real name and and like or is I just I just wondered like I thought your real name was Lana and then I was doing some sometimes I think my real name is Lana I was doing some research before this podcast and it was like Amar Maple and I was like huh like and my friends call me Lana really yeah so you just that's just that's just and it might be like

going back to like the BPD thing like you you really don't have like a sense of identity so I've never really resonated with like having a name like even when I was a dancer I had Farah as my name and all my friends called me that that I knew from the club um or Amar um which is what my family calls me I think like when I have boyfriends like sometimes they like switch on and off from using Amar or Lana um but I just I really don't notice and sometimes I actually do think that

my name is Lana huh that's interesting so so what going forward for you like is your like going forward where do you want to go from here like is it just continue with the with the only fan stuff and in influencer stuff or do you have other goals in your life um going forward or kind of where do you go from here I just I want to just keep having something that I'm like impassionate about and right now it's making clothes and just like even designing my own furniture for my house or recently writing um

which I never thought that I was good at cuz I dropped out of school in eth grade but I wrote a few poems on Tumblr and people were like oh my God you're like such a good writer and I never thought that I was um so that's helped me a lot recently just like always having a passion and then like if you can find a way to turn that passion into income like that's obviously amazing um but the most important thing to me is just like being the best mom ever like that comes first before

anything he looks like his baby daddy yeah have you ever thought about writing a book like I feel like everyone on Tumblr is telling me to they're like you're writing so good you have to write a book no that'd be cool I mean I don't know if you'd write fiction or non-fiction but I feel like your story um it is it is a good story like to get out there um just because I feel like it helps a lot of people when you can hear from a woman like you who was in the industry but

has so much to say about what it's really like it can kind of you know you can't really watch that stuff and look at these girls the same and I feel like a lot of a lot of men like objectify women you know it's just like a natural I don't know if it's definitely not natural but it's part of like culture it's part of the culture now and I feel like um a lot of women even nowadays fall into that that thinking like oh this is just how it is like men objectify me this is

what I'm going to do um or like they feel like they have to like have sex with men to get love or um or you live in LA and it's even like these girls like I know these girls are out here doing anything for acceptance or job opportunities or and I just think of or even like a guy like flies around they're like oh my God he bought me a flight now I have to have sex with him like what no you don't think if a dude fly you out the girl got to be giving

it out [ __ ] no no I've had a guy buy me a private jet to go somewhere and I didn't hook up with him he wasn't hot no it's not I have some of the most attractive Ming he wasn't mad like he wasn't mad that you didn't um I don't care I'm not doing something that I don't want to do no for sure I'm just saying like like they could be mad all that they want and if they show that they're mad then I'm not going to talk to them anymore so yeah that's definitely

the I think dudes that are flying uh flying girls out I think that's definitely an expectation I don't know if it's a good expectation I think of likeing any M on this girl like yeah like not the girl should not like she should feel like she's worth more than whatever money he spent on it and also not feel obligated to give like going back to like giving some someone something that you don't have to give like if you're not 100% sure that you want to have sex with that person or give your body to that

person or be intimate with them for like cuz you really want it and it's like for some other reason or you're unsure like you shouldn't you definitely should not do it and it's crazy you say that cuz we had the conver I had this conversation with some of my teammates the other day on the bus we were talking about like a girl who we would view as like a wifey or like a girlfriend like a girl you would cuff versus a girl that you would just hook up with and we were like okay if she's

if she's giving it up the first night like how would you view her I was we were all were kind of like well we probably wouldn't wife that girl cuz if she's giv it up on the first night then she probably has done that multiple times then we were like okay then when is the right time to give it up second night third night like four date whenever and it really is I think for these girls out there that think that they have that they should be giving it up when a dude is pressuring them

um or he he does something nice for but they really don't have that connection yet yeah like dudes aren't going to view you as a girlfriend or like they would never want to Cuff you if you're just giving it up right away so actually if you stand on your ground and like you respect yourself in that way like I've honestly never had any problems with guys being mad about it and like I did porn before so people automatically assume that I'm going to like sleep with people or like that I've slept with like all the

NBA players that I've hung out with um I've never SLI with any of them besides the one that I have a kid with but none of these guys have gotten upset with me for not sleeping with them no matter like what they had bought me or like we've gone on trips together um they like we end up yeah like we end up having like a respectful good friendship I think yeah and I think that these girls nowadays um definitely kind of think the opposite they get pressured or they they want to make a dude happy

or like you said that you kind of struggle with the uh the people pleasing thing yeah they think that they gotta make this dude happy but if you really want to I don't know what these girls want some girls just want to be able to say oh I hooked up with this guy whatever but if you're a girl that really wants to be like a like a valued by a dude and not just thought of as like a whatever like a object like we've been talking about then it's not always bad to to you know

wait a while also like you mentioned having a connection so perhaps like it's not necessarily like oh she slept with him too early but say she does sleep with him before they have that connection and it's not someone that you actually have that chemistry or connection with then it's not going to work anyway MH you know like you can't force it from having sex with them early yeah that might that might mess it up even worse but like if you if you wait a while like now even the sex would probably be better because you

actually got to know them as a person so or you could decide that you don't want to sleep with them like usually I'll hang out with a guy like four times and on the fourth time I know if there's someone that I'm going to like be in love with and want to have sex with like if it doesn't happen with the fourth time like okay I don't like him like that how has the dating the dating thing been for you uh like since you you've kind of left that industry is it is it difficult for

you is it easy how does that go um dating was easier after than when I was younger because I had more respect for myself um my last relationship was really good but I ended up getting pregnant like 2 months after and then now I just really don't have time for a relationship like I haven't hooked up with anyone since April which is like I was super in love with that boy but like we're not dating or anything um because I don't have time like I can't text a boy all day long like I have to

work I have to take care of my kid I'm not going to go out and leave my child every night to go hang out with you so I just don't have time right now do dudes ever try to hold cuz I know dudes Petty like even me I'm not acting like I'm oh I know how do you know I've heard your talk that chill no I'm talking more like do dudes try to hold things over your head from the past cuz like I know me like I could be messing with a girl and I hear

something about some [ __ ] in the past or whatever and I like it'll still make me mad I don't know if that that's probably not good but like it'll still make me mad do dudes try to hold things I mean that's probably something that you need to work on you know yeah now it is I don't know why I don't know why I do that no no it happens how old are you 25 oh so you're still so young like I used to be I just turned 27 um but I used to be super

like jealous too and like honestly it changes over time and you just like when you get older you have like a better understanding of like relationships and connections and I personally like if I ever was to be in a relationship I would never be like even though I don't want to sleep with other people I'd never be like oh you can't sleep with other people or you have to do this or do that cuz I personally think that it's way more powerful if you believe that you have this like or you're with someone that you

have a really special connection with that you know they can't find somewhere else and it's more powerful if someone like they have the options to do whatever they want but they always choose you 100% you know so that's kind of like what having that mindset got rid of like that jealousy and insecurity that I used to have but guys have held it over my head um me and my ex we got in a really like crazy fight one night and actually I've had two boyfriends say this to me um they would say no one's ever

going to love you because you did porn and you're a [ __ ] seriously so then why would they if that's really what they thought because they try to tell you like oh I'm the only one that's ever going to love you so you have to stay with me they're toxic not me yeah that's crazy yeah no I definitely um as I've gotten older I realized more I was watching a podcast I think with do you know a girl named Britney Rainer do you know who that is oh yeah no I love her I was

watching a podcast I think she was on there with uh Andrew Tate I was watching the podcast and she was talking about just you know she's done some things in the past but she's not doing anymore and like are women like redeemable like in the eyes of men like if they've done things in the past and now they're a whole different person like you know like you or I don't know if she's changed what she was doing but like her and I think Andrew Tate said something like it just depends on the dude like or

something I forget exactly what he said but I think like the right dude you know obviously in a mature a mature man you know for me I've had to think about like why do I get so mad about something that the girl might have did in the past or who she was messing with in the past because and I'm a dude who she had no idea she was going to meet you in the future and I've done wild stuff in the past too so if a girl was going to hold that over my head um

then I would be in trouble because I've done some wild stuff and I've definitely been a dude um back in the day who had like double standards like oh I can have a crazy pass but but she can't have any type of pass so I'm not messing with her but I think like you said as you get older and you see people like for who they are um and you kind of like meet them where where they're at like if you if you fall in love with this person you like this person you you got

to accept them for who they are you and what they've done and yeah cuz that's what made them the person that you love all the experiences that they had 100% so I definitely think that something that comes with maturity but um now I really appreciate you coming on I don't like to keep people on here that long I just you know people that I find either inspirational or people that I'm just curious about their stories or whatever I like to have them on here and just ask a few questions that I'm curious about and then

let them go so I appreciate yes Mike I appreciate you hopping on the podcast for was it inspired by Curious George Sierra came up with it she cuz I've always just been a curious dude i' always as wild questions um and just speak my mind and and honestly it the podcast kind of came about because you know people on the internet are and if you tweet something that's kind of like against the norm or you Instagram something you get like crucified and people don't even know like what you were talking about they don't know context

they'll take like a a tweet or whatever and blow it up so I was like What if I came out with a podcast and I could have like unfiltered conversations or conversations that people are kind of scared to have or whatever and just be like open cuz I feel like you know that creates a space for understanding and and more so that's kind of yeah you can you can hope so some people never will though you can hope so that people understand but sometimes they never will right n and you got to accept that but

no I appreciate you Lana thank you for show Curious m [Music] go