Do you know the importance of shutting up? Do you have any idea how many people have ruined their own lives, their own future, the opportunities they had or their own dreams because they simply didn't know how to keep their mouths shut? There are those who get too excited about being happy, opening up all their plans, sharing every detail of their lives, and then, when things fail, they don't understand why it went wrong.
Or those who lose their temper in a moment of anger and frustration and end up saying things they shouldn't. The key to changing this is learning to keep your mouth shut. Zeno of Citius, the founder of Stoicism, said that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason: We should listen twice as much as we speak.
And, in today's video, we will study the practices that will make you grow in silence. But first I need to tell you, this video only reached you because someone before you subscribed to our channel, liked it and left a comment. So, do the same and don't break this chain.
Learn to shut up. From the moment we are born, we are encouraged to express ourselves, and our first words are celebrated by our parents or those who become our guardians. However, few times in life do we learn that silence is also a powerful form of communication.
Being silent can reveal a lot about you, your intentions and your personality, demonstrating respect for people and the environment. This can get more attention than talking endlessly or trying to convince someone who doesn't want to listen. When you talk too much, especially without purpose or clarity, you diminish your power, and instead of giving the impression of authority, of someone who dominates the subject, you have the opposite effect, leading others to respect you less and devalue you.
. When you exchange the desire to speak for the desire to listen, you will become the key to your personal growth. In our social relationships we can apply the Stoic virtues of Temperance and Wisdom to improve and minimize many of our relationship problems.
Consider the case of Carlos and Alex, both salespeople with different approaches, one talks the talk, and the other prefers to listen more. When a customer enters the store, Carlos immediately goes to serve them and offers discounts that the customer didn't even ask for. This means that Carlos earns less commission.
Many times, the customer didn't even want a discount and was ready to buy, but Carlos talks so much that he ends up making the customer give up on the purchase. Alex, on the other hand, knows how to sell more and earn more. He also serves customers quickly, but he does it differently: he listens more and speaks at the right time.
Alex asks intelligent questions to find out what the customer really needs. This way, he can sell what the customer wants and close many deals. As a salesperson, the secret is to talk less and listen more to what the customer wants.
Listening more than talking not only benefits sales, but can also be applied to other aspects of our lives. A simple exercise for you to reflect on today, remember three things you missed in life, why you didn't shut up, why you could have stayed quiet and couldn't stop yourself. Just as a person developed the habit of talking too much and being a compulsive talker, how can he develop the habit of learning to listen?
Talking less. Stoicism teaches us self-development and mental training, so that we can listen twice as much as we talk. For this to happen you need to be aware that the more you talk, the more you weaken, the more you listen, the more you become stronger.
For example, if Carlos used temperance, he wouldn't offer discounts right away. He would learn to wait a bit, see what the customer really wants before speaking. Temperance is like having a remote control for our reactions.
She tells us not to exaggerate, neither to talk too much nor to act on impulse. And wisdom is like having a map that shows us the best path to follow. It helps us understand when and how to act or speak.
Alex is already on that bandwagon. He listens to the customer, asks intelligent questions and only then offers what the customer needs. He uses wisdom to understand the right time to speak.
A practical exercise that we can do to help us talk less, have temperance and wisdom is anchoring. Anchoring is a powerful technique for creating and strengthening mental associations between external stimuli and internal responses. If a person is afraid of cockroaches, for example, just hearing the word cockroach makes them terrified and distressed.
This is because she created a feeling of horror through the word. The same with positive things, think of chocolate for example, if you like it, your mouth must have watered by now. This can help us create mental associations that encourage silence.
Start by choosing an anchor, whether it’s a physical object like a wrist band or placing it on the background of your cell phone screen “Say Less. ” Every time you pick up your cell phone or look at that elastic band, you establish a connection between the anchor and a feeling of silence. This way you teach your brain to associate this stimulus with a state of calm and silence.
Do this several times to get the hang of it. Then, when you're in a conversation and feel like talking too much, use your reminder. This will help you stop, breathe and choose to listen instead of talk.
Remembering that silence is a powerful form of communication can transform the way you interact with others. In addition to improving your listening, you may find that by speaking less, your words have more weight and impact when you choose to use them. You will be surprised that the more you listen, the more you are able to learn and truly connect with others.
Always remember this, silence is your first language. Learn to master it. Don't tell your plans.
“Sit here, let me tell you about my project. ” “Friend, I’ve almost decided to start this and that. ” “It's not yet one hundred percent confirmed, but I'll share it with you.
" Sharing your dreams and projects before making them a reality may seem like a way to seek support and motivation, but it ends up shooting yourself in the foot. Something that psychologists have discovered over time is that people who liked to talk a lot about their plans before taking action are those who least achieve what they had planned. People who announce their plans to open their own business, change their habits, write a book or get a new job, they ended up remaining stuck in life for a long time without evolving or achieving anything they had mentioned.
This is because when we tell our goals, our brain releases a hormone of satisfaction and we feel as good as if we were, in fact, accomplished. This can decrease your motivation to really go after it and make it happen. If you want to achieve your goals, keep this information to yourself and worry about taking the first step towards achieving them.
Furthermore, Marcus Aurelius, one of the most famous Roman emperors and Stoic philosopher, warned us that when we trust someone, without first knowing whether that person is trustworthy , the error of naivety is ours. Sometimes when we tell our plans, even unconsciously people can sabotage us. They may criticize or discourage your ideas, underestimate your abilities or even cruelly point out all your defects.
Which often leads us to doubt ourselves and easily exchange our plans and projects for the negative opinions of others. Understand that there is no way to grow anywhere in the world without being hated by those who are stuck. When you remain silent, people don't know what your next steps are.
And, no one sabotages what they don't know exists. Seneca, Stoic statesman and philosopher, wrote in his letters on friendship about the importance of carefully choosing who to entrust your dreams to. A true friend, according to him, is someone who sincerely roots for your success and with whom you can share your plans without fear.
However, not all people, sometimes even the closest ones, are like this. Therefore, it is important not to fall into the error of naivety and learn to evaluate the character of those who are worthy of trust. It's wonderful to share when something good happens to us or when we make a dream come true, but you need to understand who and when you can do it for.
Your victories will speak for themselves when they are achieved, and then everyone will know. Therefore, choose to share your dreams only with those who truly support and encourage you to go further. Save your opinion.
Stoicism offers a valuable perspective, teaching us to expand our vision beyond our own views and to consider life in different ways. One of the most liberating lessons of Stoicism is the ability to choose not to express our opinion, to shield ourselves from the "dictatorship of response. " We are often asked to give our opinion on topics that happen on the internet, with questions like: Who do you think will win Big Brother this year?
What do you think of the artist's body that paraded at Carnival? What do you think of the most important topic of the week? Stoicism teaches us a powerful alternative: silence or the conscious choice not to form an opinion on these matters.
As Emperor Marcus Aurelius reminds us in Meditations, every minute we spend taking care of other people's lives is one less minute dedicated to our own life and our moral development. This philosophy can be applied not only in superficial discussions, but also in interactions with our most intimate circle. In other words, every time you give an unsolicited opinion about your brother's life.
. . The car your neighbor bought and in your opinion should have chosen a different color.
Or the way your nephew is polite. Every time we give our opinion on other people's decisions, we are experiencing a problem or situation that is not within our control to resolve. Stoicism invites us to focus on our own lives, suggesting that if we have extra time and energy, we should use it to help others, not judge them harshly.
This approach not only helps us cultivate a richer, more peaceful inner life, but also teaches us to value positive action over empty criticism, fostering an environment of support and mutual growth. When we realize that we can control our opinion, we understand that we can control what we say. Practice the ability to think absolutely nothing about a given situation and accept this freedom that you don't need to give an opinion on everything that happens around you or feel disturbed by these events.
As the words of Marcus Aurelius confirm: “We have the power not to have any opinion about something and not to let our soul be disturbed — because things do not have the natural power to shape our judgments. ” Limit access to busybodies. Rarely do nosy people ask if we want or need their opinions.
They simply express them. They tend to say whatever comes to mind, without thinking much or making any type of reflection and, when confronted, they justify their behavior by claiming to be sincere and honest. Victor Hugo, a French poet and novelist, once wrote that: "Know that frankness does not consist in saying everything you think, but in thinking everything you are going to say.
" Being honest and frank has nothing to do with disrespect. Therefore, it is essential to establish clear limits in our relationships. Those who speak without thinking often end up saying what they shouldn't, to who they shouldn't, at inappropriate times and places, and, above all, about what they shouldn't.
Passively waiting for someone to recognize and respect your personal boundaries without you clearly communicating them can be an endless wait and not work out. It's up to you to establish these limits politely and respectfully. Epictetus, one of the great Stoic philosophers, offered sage advice that applies perfectly to situations like this.
When talking to a student who was having difficulty because of his brother's behavior, he counseled him by saying, "Everything has two handles, one you can handle and one you can't. " This means that there are things that, although we cannot control the behavior of others, we can choose how to respond to that behavior. When someone interferes too much in your life or says things they shouldn't, you can't control what they do, but you can control how they respond.
One approach could be to talk privately with the person, being sincere or sincere and saying that you didn't like it, that you don't accept this type of behavior, as it affects the relationship between you and could lead to a separation from the friendship. This posture not only helps protect your personal space, but it also teaches others how to interact with you in a respectful and considered manner. Setting limits is an act of self-respect and a way to cultivate healthier and more balanced relationships.
We must recognize that there is a limit that we must endure. And, we stay true to that. Epictetus also makes a comparison about smoke in a house, which goes like this: "Did someone make smoke in the house?
If he made a moderate amount of smoke, I stay; if it's too much, I leave. " And, if you act like this, this is the time to review this attitude and invest your time in your own development. You don't need to give satisfaction.
Silence carries such profound wisdom that, at certain times, it becomes the best response. Sometimes we feel the need to explain ourselves, whether to seek acceptance, to please or to create bonds with others. However, many problems in our lives are, in fact, caused by ourselves, by not keeping our tongue in our mouth.
An example of this is Vanessa, after a period of facing debt and financial problems, she dedicated herself to learning about financial education, managed to pay what she owed, organize her finances and even start investing. After a month's closure, she hung out with her service staff and shared with colleagues that she was finally financially stable and debt free, things began to change for her. Over time, Vanessa realized that she was being left out of new projects.
Her colleagues, assuming that she was in a better financial situation, began directing job opportunities that would be for her to someone else. In other words, the fact that Vanessa talked too much caused her to lose several jobs and consequently, affect her newly achieved financial stability. Sometimes we want to show others how we are living.
And, we talk without restrictions about our financial life, our intimate life as a couple, what happens between four walls. We want to show the world how well and happy we are. Or the post, because we are sad and dissatisfied.
Without thinking directly about the consequences of what this will bring us. Epictetus said: "If you drink water, don't say for anything and everything that you drink water". This means that it is not necessary to talk about everything we do in life to others.
The idea is that we should live simply and truthfully, without needing approval or recognition from others. In this sense, Epictetus teaches us the importance of keeping some things to ourselves and not sharing every detail of our life, showing that being discreet and keeping certain choices to ourselves can be a way of strengthening our character. You don't always need to explain your actions.
Sometimes staying still is the best answer. Neither talking too little nor talking too much is ideal. Balance is the key.
Talking too little can close doors, as people may think you're not interested or involved. On the other hand, talking too much can make someone tiring and even lead to unwanted situations, as in Vanessa's case. Therefore, seeking the middle ground is essential.
It is important to know when to speak and when to remain silent, balancing our desire to express ourselves with the wisdom of keeping certain things to ourselves. This helps us build healthy relationships and avoid unnecessary problems. Don't speak emotionally.
There is a lesser-known story about Plato where, faced with a situation that made him very angry, he realized that he was so emotional that he could not deal with the problem fairly. So he asks his servant to resolve the issue. This moment shows that even a great philosopher like Plato knew the importance of controlling emotions to make correct decisions.
If you don't control your silence, you will be a slave to your words. Some people, when feeling happy, talk too much and reveal their plans that should be kept, until they happen or until that moment when nothing else can go wrong. Or they make promises, giving their word on what they cannot keep.
Others talk too much when they are angry and it is in these moments that most people cannot control their tongue and end up saying hurtful things. Understand, a word said cannot be taken back. And sometimes the wounds they cause are enormous.
Even in an argument, if someone hurts you, it's better to leave the other side sorry than hurt. Because expressing all your anger to hurt others will not heal your wound, it will only make it deeper. When you shut up and stay silent, it's important to understand that it's a valuable time to absorb information and organize your thoughts before responding.
Some experiences and feelings are meant to be processed internally, not expressed impulsively. Silence is a powerful tool. It gives space to absorb information, reflect and organize thoughts before expressing them.
Being silent allows you to think more clearly, without the distractions of the "internal noise" that accompanies the constant need to speak. Therefore, by choosing silence in moments of strong emotion, you gain time to calmly assess the situation and respond in a more considered and effective way. Do I really want to hurt someone I love?
Will I be able to fulfill what I am committing to do? Emotion can be considered like a drug, which affects our ability to reason. Both in negative and positive moments.
If we don't have self-control, we go around, completely altered by our emotions and giving in to all our emotional impulses. When we practice silence, we have the means to understand our own thoughts and emotions, leading to greater personal and spiritual growth. Growing in silence using stoicism is a journey of self-improvement that teaches us the value of shutting up, listening more, and reflecting deeply before acting.
I confess that this is one of the most difficult stoicism practices for me, but the size of the difficulty also represents the size of the benefit in our lives. I've already lost a lot of things in life, because I simply didn't know how to shut up. Therefore, I sincerely hope that this video and Stoic knowledge bring this practice into your life.
And if you made it this far, comment: “Gratitude. ” Now, to find out how to overcome four difficult situations in life, watch the video on your left. Thanks for watching.
