one of the harshest effects of early trauma is the injury to our ability to connect with other people a chronic feeling that love cannot get in or a scared reaction when love does show up or a set of defenses that block love from ever showing up at all it's a feeling but it's an atmosphere too and I think a lot of us are feeling it a harsh empty Loveless feeling that keeps sneaking up on our minds and Hearts sounding the alarm that something huge is missing from our lives and I don't think we're meant to
live our lives without love but when you're sensing that emptiness it might just be necessary to feel it without distracting yourself with another dating app or Doom scrolling or escaping with food or TV or weed or whatever it is your trauma wound wants you to use to get away from what you think will be a depressed and hopeless state but maybe letting yourself have that feeling just for a little bit might create the space you need to Envision something better to let yourself be aware of what you really want of the love and to sense
that it's possible to have it even if you haven't experienced it yet letting it in might just be the change that will give you the inner power to change an old relationship pattern and open up to something new now I know I'm always saying how critical it is to Face Reality to not get stuck in blame and fantasy that completely gives away the control of your own happiness because that's fatal to your progress but real love is not a fantasy the fact that you long for it is natural and right and needs to be listened
to and that's why I'm saying that the emptiness you feel is trying to tell you something it's a gift you will need courage to accept this gift which means facing that emptiness for now and letting the tears come if you have to and letting the awareness come to that you've been suppressing about the nature of your loneliness not so much where it comes from we know that but why really is it happening now and what would it take to Free Yourself to change and heal so that you could in increasing ways open yourself to love
with childhood PTSD it's so common to feel especially after an experience of loss like we're outside of love like other people are in this world of goodness but we're stuck outside the gates like orphans but remember you can't be exiled from your own experience alone is always where we start but our healing from all the false ideas that trauma taught us can bring us forward into being in love in it inside it and by that I mean feeling it sharing it knowing it having the highest experience of it that people can have at least a
little bit in your life it's that full experience of love that everyone is longing for it's not really a thing you do or you get it's a state of consciousness that you enter and I think this is why it feels like a walled City when you're on the outside of it trauma or no trauma it can be hard to come in from that place outside but it's the place to aim for and it's worth fighting for we talk a lot about magical thinking and limerance and terrible Partners but this video is about the good thing
that has been planted in your Consciousness since you were born you've been through hard things but you're also made to have and enjoy the fullness of life we push this knowledge down to try to cope with the emptiness and feeling alone and not good enough and we try to control it or make up a story why love isn't really what we want but what if you just let it happen with all the dignity within yourself and the safety of knowing that the grief of what you've lost or what you haven't found yet will pass maybe
you can let the feeling wash over you that's not the same as emotional disregulation it's not too much it's just true maybe childhood trauma crushed your confidence maybe love wasn't modeled for you and what happened stole your natural ability your instinctive knowledge of how to love and though you've created a lot of good in your life it drove you toward the sorrows and regrets that are now haunting you I have great news there is still time and this is what I wanted to say to you and everyone who feels despair about ever being loved I
want to shine a light on a few myths that need to be set straight so that even as we take practical Common Sense steps to heal our lives we aim not at just being commendable or appropriate but at being fulfilled we aim at that place we're longing for that we were born to find if you long for it it's what you are meant to have trauma healing brings you closer to this and healing your nervous system but also healing your cynical beliefs that you maybe protect yourself with so the first is real love is not
a transaction and it can't be negotiated or demanded of anyone what you didn't get as a child is gone and it can't be replaced by humans but real love is still here and what shows up in your life is a gift to you from something far more powerful than yourself the reason this longing for love won't go away is because you're made for it and the reason it is so liberating when it happens is because for once you don't have to make something happen it just arrives in your heart one day as naturally as hunger
or sleep but it's not cyclical like that it's a transition it's a maturation it's something like puberty it takes over and you change and whether you want to or not you change but it's not coming merely from the body and we don't seem to be able to choose whether it starts we can choose a lot of things including many forms of Love Like Duty and service and being part of a family and taking care of other people and those can go a long way toward healing that emptiness but that big love that's signaling itself through
the emptiness you feel is not something you can make happen it's more like it makes things happen through you good things even though it can make things pretty messy at first that ultimately benefit you and the other person and perhaps everyone you can screw it up you can distort it and try to turn back into some kind of neg negotiator For Love or try to make it happen or get obsessed on it or destroy it even because everything good in life can be abused and if you have childhood PTSD you've already absorbed way more than
your share of that but you can't remove real love out of existence so long as it's flowing through you it may be inconvenient or terrifying but when it's happening even with all the emotional overreactions of cptsd all you can do is your best just try to be honorable don't be a jerk don't act like an entitled little kid or like an emotional blackmailer we just have to do our best even when we don't know where it's going even if it usually turns out that you don't get what you would have wanted there's a way to
go through it that deepens you and makes you stronger and you've been conscripted drafted into the greatest project of all time to bring more love into the world there's no greater good now the second thing and I say this to a lot of the people that I work with and Coach you get to want love to turn out the way you want it to turn out just because so many things in your life so far have been a disappointment doesn't mean you can protect your heart by setting your sights way low down here if you're
going to struggle with love struggle for what you really want you want the real thing the real thing and when I ask people what they really want and they say a life partner or they say a long-term relationship they talk about getting needs met no trust me don't set your aim at what you think you'll likely have to settle for set your aim for what you actually want and what you want is the one you'll have plenty of chances later to lose the one or to never find them or to settle for number two or
three or four there are no guarantees here but I'm telling you get clear what you really want and own it don't act cool about it don't crap fit you know that word I made it up crap fit is when you get so good at fitting yourself to crap when you're a kid that you can't stop and you take a crappy person or a crappy situation um and in your mind you think oh I can make this work it'll be okay and then you knuckle down to accept it and make it work well don't make it
work don't try to hedge your bets and pretend you're okay with whatever or you're going to get whatever you've been getting whatever all your life and that empty space inside you it's made of whatever the only version of you that anyone's ever going to fall in love with and I'm talking real love is the real you and if your childhood PTSD is mucking that up with a lot of defenses and fear and anger and grabbin then healing is very likely going to be a big asset for you and finally the third thing don't let anybody
tell you that the idea of perfect love is crazy it's the most real thing there is it's how we are shown the great reality and experience of seeing Through The Eyes of the Divine if only for a little bit so that we can just once at least feel the Oneness with all things that is the place where our souls live right now all the time even though we almost never feel it trauma can tear us out of knowing this but it can't actually take that away you are part of it and Through Your Love of
another person if you can keep healing and stay open to it you can experience it your Oneness now maybe you've experienced this before it's not a trick played by chemistry it's your Awakening it's an intense spiritual experience for anyone and if you have that trauma in your past your attachment issues can kick in and you'll want to grab hold and stop the fear and unfortunately this can take you out of it it doesn't always work out like you'd hoped but it expands you and it raises you up into who you really are I get letters
from people but you don't realize I'm almost 40 or I'm 50 or I'm 69 or I'm 80 I'm 75 here's what I learned from my friend glattus who found her great love at age 80 just a few years before she died there's still time and for all you know the greatest love that you could possibly know may still lie ahead of you especially if you keep healing from what happened in the past and that longing you feel when you're lonely especially now has a message for you that it's real and it's pointing the way toward
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