NAVIGATING SOCIAL EVENTS WITH CONFIDENCE: a guide for Introverts and the socially anxious

[Music] hello you guys and welcome to another episode of a better you I am your host Fernando mirez and welcome to this week's episode in today's episode I am actually talking to you guys from Los Angeles now I have had a very crazy couple of days and I'm actually super exhausted while I'm filming this but that justes not take away from how excited I am to be talking to you guys And the reason why I'm extra excited is because we are talking about some something that is very relevant to my life right now and something

that I feel like will be very helpful for you I am actually in La for a movie premiere slbr trip and being an influencer putting myself in these situations with a bunch of other people that I do not know being put in new cities doing new things being in social events I am constantly in situations where I do not know anyone Around me and it is up to my social skills to get me to have some friends in my surroundings learn about the people around me make friends with the people working with the brand Etc

so in today episode we are talking about navigating social events this is the ultimate guide for the introverts the socially anxious or maybe for those that like to practice their Charisma their networking skills and their overall social skills before we get into the episode make sure to Subscribe to a better you on Instagram give the YouTube video a thumbs up leave a comment down below I'm always reading your comments and I love to stay updated with you guys as well as make sure to follow the atab better you. by Fernanda Instagram account because I've been

posting a lot of my own personal updates on there I know for a while I was kind of just posting more motivational quotes and things that I feel like really resonate with you guys but since I've Been really practicing what I've been preaching I thought it would be better to show a little bit more of my personal life and showing you guys when I'm doing something that kind of applies to the podcast episodes that we've been talking about or when I'm actually acting out of the best version of myself you know we're all trying to

become the better version of ourselves and if I have a place to show you guys how I do that for myself I hope that can inspire you guys To do the same anyways make sure you're following that account make sure you give the Spotify or apple episode a rating and without further Ado let's dive into the episode and let me tell you what's going on in my life right now so as I was saying I'm currently in La let me paint the photo for you guys I'm currently staying on Hollywood Boulevard and I'm a little

bit scared I've been hearing a lot of creepy stories about Hollywood and I would be lying to you if I didn't say I was a little bit I don't know scared but it kind of matches the theme of why I'm here because I'm actually here for the Beetle juu premere and if you don't know what Beetlejuice is I feel like you might be living under a rock but then again I hadn't even seen the original Beetlejuice which kind of makes me feel like a fraud but when I was invited to the remake with Jenna ortea

wona Ryder I was like I'm so excited I'm there I love Halloween I Love Jenna Ortega I'm down to go to La I'm down for the experience and I also just love Warner Brothers and working with them so when I got this opportunity I definitely said sign me up but I was going to say it's definitely a spooky movie and something about being in Hollywood in a hotel that kind of has like creepy noises every 5 minutes it it's kind of giving that horror aspect that I feel like is very fitting right now but anyways

that's kind of the vibe Right now I actually landed in yesterday morning and my flight was at like 6:00 in the morning I swear I went to bed at 1:00 a.m. packing my bags when I finally got to the airport I almost would have lost my flight if I was like 10 minutes later so I was like really running behind it was like a 2-hour flight to La I got to La I had like 5 minutes to rest and then I had to get ready because we had the Warner Brothers Studio tour which was super

exciting we basically Went to the whole studio and saw the sets where people filmed obviously all the movies we saw like the Gilmer girl set we saw where scenes of Spider-Man was filmed we saw where friends was filmed where uh just like so many shows were filmed they had like so many cool film things like costumes and like kind of like a museum little area where they show you how they make the sounds for the movies overall just like I guess how they have the props for the sets and the Costumes and just like so

many things revolving movies I'm actually wearing some of the Warner Brothers merch that I got currently but anyways that was a super cool experience but then after that came back to the hotel got dressed we had dinner went to bed at like 12:00 because me and myella and Michelle those are the girls that are with me right now we're just up late talking and then woke up at 6:00 a.m. to get ready because the premiere was this morning at 9:00 a.m. Watched the movie it was great you guys should go watch it and then we

had a little afterlife experience so it was like a event that they host posted I guess and now I've had a few hours to relax and I was like okay I need to film this podcast episode but you guys I'm so tired when I'm filming this I almost feel a little bit delirious and I think it's because I haven't really had a good night's rest in a few days and I've been go go go but I'm here talking to you Guys and you know what I was actually very excited when I said I'm going to

be talking for a while because yapping is something I am able to do especially talking about this topic that really applies to my life right now hi guys sorry my apologies if there's any change in audio or change in my voice I really thought that I was going to be able to film this podcast episode in like a random chair in La while I was super exhausted and literally Delirious I was So wrong I tried but I was so wrong so instead I'm continuing this podcast episode from here back at home but you guys I

have strep throat I have strep throat so if my voice sounds a little bit insane right now just know it's because every time I swallow it feels like there are blades in my throat and it's just truly uncomfortable but but I am pushing through it because we got to get this episode Done Honestly though I actually think it's better that I'm Finishing this episode at this point because I came back from LA from a full week of socializing and I actually have even more stories to tell you guys this is going to make this episode

even better because not only did I actually practice what I preach in terms of socializing and overcoming social anxiety but like I just have so many scenarios and stories that actually really aligned with the topic of today and that I feel I got a valuable lesson Out of I want to say this so that you guys get the inspiration as well but although not every spontaneous decision that's for the plot is actually a good idea a lot of them honestly are very good ideas because even if it doesn't go 100% as the way that you

planned it to go you will always end up leaving those situations or those experiences with a new found wisdom a new found lesson learned my friend myella was with me and she loves going out and so she's like if I'm on vacation I'm here for only 5 days I got to go out every single night and you might think that insanity and it actually kind of is but anyways as the as the good friend that I am I'm like you know what myella even though going on a bender like that is insane and probably not

the best for me I was like I will go with you and accompany you to all of these social Endeavors so we both pushed each other out of our comfort zones in this way and honestly had the Best time the last thing I want to say before jumping into the topic is that I have a full episode on your social guide to having Charisma and just being charismatic networking making friends friends how to socialize like all of that that is actually one of my best episodes I feel like it has a really high view count

I think and it's one of my favorite videos that I've ever filmed because it was one of my first ones on my podcast and before I started my Podcast talking about these topics was something that I was super passionate about so that was like the first time I had ever spoke about it on any platform so I was very passionate I feel like I covered most of my Basics so definitely listen to that video if you haven't already this is kind of like a continuation and I hope I don't repeat myself in anything but I

don't don't think I will because I kind of have a different approach now and it's kind of Like a reflection one year later so first we're talking about social anxiety and introversion social anxiety is actually the fear of being judged or negatively evaluated in social situations I just want to say that this is completely normal and while you might not have social anxiety you have 100% one way or another have experienced social anxiety before in your life and that is completely normal everyone goes through it even the people that are the Most social feel that

way and a lot of the times it has nothing to do with you but maybe the environment you're in you know I can feel like I'm a really social person but if I'm in a room full of people that are judgmental Rude mean awkward I might feel socially anxious and that doesn't take away from my abilities to socialize sometimes it has nothing to do with you and it has everything to do with the energy of the room and if the energy is bad it's just Hard to give it's just hard to give your energy there

but I do want to say that there is a big difference between people who have social anxiety and people who are just introverted an introvert is someone who prefers solitary activities or small intimate Gatherings over large social events if you feel like you are awkward or shy or it's difficult for you to make friends I feel like it's important to realize if it's actually social anxiety for you or if it's just That you prefer to be alone if introversion is the case it really is nothing to be ashamed of because half the world is like

that and in fact I feel like the sooner that you can recognize what fuels your cup either being alone or being with people is the sooner you free yourself from other people's expectations for what they want from you in Social settings you know if someone's always trying to get you to go out and you never want to do it you Never want to do it and they're making you feel bad about that but you've realized within yourself that the reason why is because you just prefer to be with smaller groups or in more intimate settings

and you are just more of a natural introvert that is completely fine and I feel like it's validating for your own experience to just know the difference I definitely consider myself an extrovert I feel like I feed off of people's energy after being around a lot Of people good people that actually like bring my mood up I end up feeling so much more elated and just like I feel on top of the world like if a social interaction goes good I am so happy and I'm also willing to put myself out there so I am

definitely a true true extrovert although I love my time alone I love being in Intimate groups being around other people truly just lifts my spirits we are going to take a short break for the sponsor of today's video which is Better help if you've ever thought about trying therapy better help makes it easy better help can connect you to a licensed therapist and give you helpful unbiased advice all from the comfort of your own home what more could you ask for you can do it from your phone or your computer via phone call or video

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to just feel better is so incredibly important so many of my friends are in therapy and they Absolutely love it whether you have something big in your life going on or it's something little or maybe you just want to talk to someone about day-to-day things I have only ever heard good things and my friends feel like it has helped them completely visit betterhelp.com slab better you and enjoy a special discount on your first month again that's betterhelp.com slab better if you have any questions on how the therapists are licensed their privacy Policy or the therapist

compensation model you can check out their frequently asked questions at betterhelp.com your questions answered now let's get back to the episode I do think though if you do feel like you have social anxiety it might be worth writing down the reasons why you feel you have that or what about being in Social settings or social interactions is making you anxious for example it could be large crowds or it could be unfamiliar settings or it could Be small talk it could be the fear of being perceived I feel like once you narrow down what it is

about the social interaction that is making you anxious then you can kind of squash that reason and I just feel like whenever you write anything down it makes it seem a little bit more stupid than when it's built up in your head if that makes sense you're also able to challenge your own fears and see if they're really something that you truly aligned with or if it's Something that you've kind of programmed to feel like like if it's something that you felt a long time ago and it's not something you felt now I might have

said this in my last episode on this kind of topic but I just want to say it one more time I feel like back in the day I used to think think of myself as a very shy person and I held that belief for so long that whenever I would go into social settings I just kind of naturally made myself act in that way and once I Grew up and I became more social I became more extroverted and I realized that it's really not that deep like I'm able to socialize and I actually prefer it

I freed myself from those uh expectations of myself and it was just so much easier to go about social interactions moral of this little section is just that I want you to know social anxiety and introvert are very different things there's nothing wrong with introversion and social anxiety is Something that everybody goes through and you're able to work through it once you realize what about the social interactions is really stressing you out I think writing it down will make you have a clear understanding and once you have Clarity you're able to overcome it as well

as maybe verbalize it to people around you maybe it's your friends your family a therapist once you talk to them about the reasons why you feel like this they'll be able to dismantle these Beliefs for you and also give you some proper coping mechanisms or they might be able to identify when you are feeling stressed out in these certain scenarios and kind of be able to guide you knowing what is frightening you if that makes sense one thing I do want to say about socializing is that it is 100% a muscle I wanted to say

that last year when I filmed the episode on Charisma it was me coming out of a very social period of my life it was in March that I filmed that Episode and I had just spent time in New York for Fashion Week I had just spent time in LA for Coachella and both of those events I had my extensions I felt confident I felt on top of the world I was with some of my more social friends and like I just felt really good in those social interactions I felt like every single interaction I was

having was like a SLE I would come out of it feeling like oh yeah that was good they definitely liked me they're definitely My friend and so it was really easy for me to talk about being charismatic and how to make friends because it was something that I was just doing all the time then over the past year though I have still been very social there's been a lot of trips at Fashion weeks or just like there there's been a lot of trips that I have gone on with some of my friends who are more

introverted and it kind of made me not more introverted but like I was not going out as much Therefore I didn't have as much practice being in the social environments as I did the years prior and I do want to say that is no shade to them and there's nothing wrong with that but because they didn't love going out as much or they would prefer to come home early I would just end up following suit and I just felt like I wasn't being the most socially confident person because I just haven't been practicing that muscle

this past La trip I went with one of my very Probably actually most social friends that I have and I already feel like my perspective has changed and I'm like oh yeah Fernanda this has always been you like you are a very social person and you like good at it too and you just needed that little push and that even just like guidance from another friend that is very social to kind of remember who you are and remember that these social skills you have deep down it's just that you weren't giving them their Time to

shine honestly a lot of the times if you're not even in social situations how can you even know if you're good at it if you're not not talking to new people how can you know that you're really good at carrying a conversation or that you're very charismatic or if you're not making new friends and meeting new people how will you know that you're actually really good at making friends so that's kind of the message I'm trying to say remember That socializing is a muscle and if you haven't been socializing as much recently and you're getting

kind of in your head about it and anxious and thinking like maybe I'm not that good at it just know you probably need to get yourself out there get back into that scenario and that space and you will feel 100 times better on the flip side if you're spending most of your time at home home you're not really making any friends or maybe you're looking at the List of friends you have and you're like wait I haven't made any new friends recently or I haven't really approached anyone and I don't really go out and I

don't really go to social events and you're feeling kind of anxious about socializing that is probably why remember you got to put yourself in these situations to improve and like anything it's all about getting outside of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to do the things that are Uncomfortable so that you can surpass your limits and see what's on the other side for all you know you could be like the most social person ever and like you could make a ton of new friends if you just allowed yourself to be but I also want to

say before moving on if you are in a phase of feeling like a little hermit it's also not the end of the world I feel like there are times where I feel more social than others and I feel like you just have to remember that With everything in life there is ups and downs es and flows and there are some seasons of your life where you are going to be more social you know you're getting invited to things constantly you are making you friends and that is the perfect time to embrace Making Connections whereas there

might be other times where you may be a little bit more locked in in you're a little bit more focused and it's a little bit more time for self-reflection and just kind of Hibernation and I feel like that tends to happen a lot in the winter and the fall that is why we're at the end of summer here get in those last Hangouts make those friends and don't feel like the weather getting worse means that you need to go hide at home and not practice social interactions spring and summer are such an easy time to

constantly see people because there's constantly things going on and everyone wants to be outside but I definitely think that when The fall and the winter come around you do have to make that extra effort to make things happen then again we've got Halloween and Christmas coming up and those are very social times so I will say I am very excited just thinking about those things okay now we're going to talk about what you should do before going to this event I'm saying event because this episode is like event based but it could be a hangout

it could be a dinner it could be a party it could be Whatever okay before the event you know you're prepping yourself maybe you're getting ready and you're like okay tonight's the night I'm going to be socializing I'm going to be so good at my interactions I'm going to slay them I'm not kidding this is literally what I do and I will say just to give you guys some context when I was in LA with my friend I reached out to a bunch of people that are my mutuals literally I'm not even that close with

them I just Messaged them and I'm like hey I'm in the city like do you know of anything cool that's happening this week like I'm just wondering I just want to know whatever that could be something that I could be fearful of you know dming people that I don't know that well to ask them what's happening but when I tell you every single one of them replied to me in like a happy tone saying welcome back here you go like telling me what the plans are what the Parties are that we're happening that week honestly

people are so much more friendly than you would realize and something that I've also learned for myself is I used to ask people like what the vibe was like the night of and it was always way too last minute but asking the week before I got there was super helpful because I gave people time I gave people the space to shuffle around their plans if they wanted to invite me to something or just like get Those invites early so if that's something you need to do just know reaching out to people and asking what the

plan is or asking them if like 's anything going on or maybe you're traveling to a new country and like you want to ask people like what's happening on this week don't be afraid to do that because people are nicer than you think and a lot of the times when they don't reply it's either because they have nothing going on or it's too last minute Or they simply can't but if you're already a kind open genuine person and you're just asking out of curiosity I think people would be happy to let you in on their

plans and let you know where to go so anyways back to the story me and my friends got invited to quite a few events this week and quite a few parties and we didn't really know anyone that was going to go there so before going we were a little bit anxious a little bit like what is the vibe going To be like is it going to be awkward or are we going to I don't I don't know like it was definitely one of those things where we were sitting in the car getting there and we

were just a little bit anxious but I want to say when you are going to an event it is important to set realistic expectations for myself I didn't try to Hype up these things too much cuz I'm like what if I get there and it's not that good and I'm just like overly excited I'm not going to do that You can remind yourself that you don't have to be the life of the party you don't have to be the center of attention and you can remind yourself that it's okay to engage at your own pace

if you only want to talk to two people one person maybe you just kind of want to go scope out the vibe and like hang out by yourself that's totally okay too the next thing you can do if you want is create a plan I feel like for those people who really like to anticipate What they're walking into before going to something this is perfect for you you can figure out like how many people are going to be there what is the outfit Vibe what time should you be there what time should you leave what

should you bring things like that just knowing what the ground rules are and like feeling the most comfortable you can before you get there for myself I definitely always make sure that I know the vibe of like what everyone's wearing because if I get To like a party and I feel like I'm off theme it will throw my night off like there's been many times where I go to something overly dressed up and I'm so embarrassed and there's times where I've been underdressed and I'm also embarrassed so I try to figure out what the vibe

is dress accordingly and also to wear something that I'm 100% confident in for me being uncomfortable or like self-conscious about what I'm wearing will ruin an entire social Interaction for me because I will not be able to stop thinking about the way that I look and it truly hinders all of my interactions so that is something that's super important to me I make sure I know if I need to bring anything um I make sure to bring all of my Necessities my makeup for touchups and the other thing you can do is prepare like conversation

starters or topics you know this might be again perfect for the people that are not that good at coming up with Conversations on the spot and kind of need a little bit of guidance you know you can write down some questions on your notes and just think of some relevant things that are easy to bring up you know if I was to go to a party next week I might ask everyone that I go up to how was your summer did you do anything fun did you go on any vacations do you have any travel

coming up have you thought about your Halloween costume yet like genuinely those actually might Have been the questions that I asked everybody when I was at these parties like having those questions in mind makes it so easy to keep the conversation going because they are also open-ended which means they don't have a yes or no answer and you're able to build off of those conversations I also love to ask people questions and not skip to the next topic so easily it almost makes me anxious actually when I'm talking to a new person and they're Just

flipping through questions in this in like the first five minutes of me talking to them because I'm like person you are going to literally run out of all of our topics within the first 5 minutes so anyways prepare your conversation starters and topics if that is helpful to you another thing that I personally did which might be insane but um as an influencer I go to a lot of events where I see the same people or I know that I'm mutuals with them but Often because you're just following so many people or you know people

are posting they might not show up on your feed I'll forget what people look like and I I know that other like influencers feel like this too because it's like very common within the space but something that tends to happen is when you know a person and then you meet them in real life and you don't recognize them or you don't realize it's them and it's so embarrassing when they say like Oh we've met and then you have to be like wait we've met wait when like oh my god I've done that so so many

times and it's so humbling so anyways before I went to this party I made sure to double check the people that I knew were going to be there that I already knew and I just made sure to like memorize their faces so that if I saw them I could go up to them and be like oh my God we follow each other like how are you doing or whatever and it was kind of funny Because I actually told somebody that I did this and you might think this is embarrassing it's almost like Fernand you were

supposed to keep that to yourself you're not supposed to tell people that you actually do this but I went up to this guy and we were talking I was like wait did you change your hair and they were like yeah I did today and I was like okay no way because like I was looking on your Instagram and I wanted to make sure that I remembered What you looked like because we've never met in person and I wanted to make sure that if I saw you I would be able to recognize you and so I

realized that your hair was different and they were like wait that was really kind I've like never heard of anyone doing that and I was like you know what I did that I did that for you to make sure I knew who you were and to not do that forgetting thing to someone so anyways that's kind of a scenario where I did this in real life And kind of prepped myself before going there this has also been very helpful for me when I've gone to like brand events I make sure that I memorize the people

hosting or the people that are working for the company or the brand so that when I'm at these events I'm actually talking to the people that invited me and not just like everyone else that's surrounding but like I'm really going in with a purpose the other thing that me and my friend myella did Before going was kind of set some intentions before we went out we said to ourselves we want to make some girlfriends tonight that's what we're going to do we are going to socialize we are going to be the most confident versions of

ourselves we are going to dance we are going to make our round around the party and get to know the space we are going to meet the host and um we're going to leave the party with new people's Instagrams or some new like Mutuals and that was genuinely what we talked about before going out and I do think it was super helpful because when we were out we would remind ourselves about these things that we talked about prior to going and it just kind of like reeled us back into like what we're here for and

at the end of the day it was to make connections build friendship and have genuine connections not just end the night and be like wait what did I even get from this not that you need to Get anything out of anything but like if you're going to something new and you want to make a good impression I feel like it's worth thinking about what your intentions are before going and again these are all good intentions so I don't think it's wrong for anyone to even know that if anything it's actually quite endearing that your intentions

are to make friends and make connections now if it's helpful for you you can also visualize your success you can visualize Yourself meeting people having good interactions um them enjoying your presence laughing together or this could just be a good way to like calm yourself down you know close your eyes before you go somewhere social and just kind of do some deep breathings and tell yourself you're okay you're calm you're safe you're fine and just give yourself those affirmations I've definitely said this in multiple episodes but whenever I go out and I'm socializing or I'm

at a club Or I'm at an event I'm at a party I'm at whatever I always tell myself like as I'm walking around I'm like Fernanda you look good you look great you're social you're happy you're confident you're easy to talk to you're friendly and I tell myself these things just to remind myself that that is who I am and that is the truth and not to let any self-doubt ideas seep onto me the other thing you can do prior to going to the party or event or whatever is to set your limits And kind

of give yourself some comfort in knowing what time you're going to get home at maybe it'll be helpful for you to figure out your plan home your ride home how many drinks you want to have or even planning an exit strategy in case you feel overwhelmed or you just feel like you need to leave and it's not the vibe and you're just not feeling good if are going with a buddy as well you may be able to tell them like heads up if I start panicking or if I start to get Anxious please calm me

down and tell me that it is okay I definitely done this before and I've let my friends know that there are some events where I get really anxious and I'll be asking them like literally 10 times like do I look good do does this look okay does this look okay and every time without fail they're like Fernand you look fine you look good and as simple as that is that affirmation does help me and does bring me some peace of mind so you can kind of Plan with your social buddy what your like safety work

maybe or like ways that they can calm you down in case you get to that point I don't want to call anyone's names out but I know of a of a group of like a little Duo two people and one of them has anxiety and whenever they go out and he gets anxious the other one like calms him down and is like able to proceed with the event or the social interaction that they're at and I think the other one is very Appreciative of that and I feel like they've got a good little Duo going

on where one calms each other down and reminds themselves like you're okay you're with me you're fine and sometimes sometimes we all need that and there is no shame in that now once you get to the event I have a mixed feeling on my first tip I was reading online for some tips on socializing and whatever and some people said that you can always arrive early because there are fewer people More time to get comfortable and it's easier to start a conversation in a quieter setting I could imagine that this is actually good advice for

maybe if you're going to like a birthday party or I don't know you kind of want to be one of the first ones there so you can start the conversations and not feel like you're late to the party but in my eyes honestly I like getting to the events later because I feel like people have already loosened up people are Socializing people you know feel more calm the party is bumping like I actually feel better when there's more people there and I'm a little bit late so that's my personal advice but whatever floats your bow

whatever you prefer doing might be better for you I will say though both times me and my friend went out to these parties we went so late it was almost like girl you could have came a little bit earlier now you just didn't get to hang out as long The next piece of advice that I have for you is instead of engaging in small talk with a bunch of people find someone that you connect with or that you Vibe with and start a deep talk with them and okay I need to tell you guys about

an interaction that I had while I was at one of these events so I'm not going to name any names because it's going to get real embarrassing if I do but there's somebody that I like am kind of friends with I yeah I kind of watch their Content online anyways I went up to them and we started talking and again I may or may not had like one or two drinks already and I was in a yapping mood I was in a good mood I just wanted to talk anyways I am a little bit fearful

I may or may not have yapped in their ear for way too long and now looking back I was like Fernanda you're you're at like a party not everyone wants to have a deep talk no your setting and so I guess there's that aspect to it too I feel Like when you do talk to people one-onone and you're having a deeper conversation know your place and setting and sometimes having a deep talk in like a loud crowded environment is not the vibe but let me tell you I hyped this person up for way too long

because I just really admire something that they're doing and I'm like I'm so proud of you this is amazing this is insane and they were very appreciative let me just tell you that and they never left During the conversation they were super reciprocative of what I was saying they even kind of got pulled away a few times and every time came back so I was thinking to myself you know after the fact I'm like for maybe it wasn't that bad it was actually just fine and at the end of the day I remind myself that

like everything I said to them was genuine it came from the heart and it was kind of like a message I felt I had to deliver ever so honestly we really vibed and I Feel like I'm really glad like after the event and after this happened that I did have that conversation and we had that moment to connect and I do feel like that was a memorable conversation for them you made your friendship go a little bit deeper than just the surface other than this certain situation there were many situations like this throughout the entire

week where at parties and at events I would kind of talk to one person and ask them how They're doing how's their summer been and all of those conversation starters that we talked about earlier I kind of just asked them about those those questions and we got to really get along and that way I feel like after this week has passed I have advanced so many friendships in a deeper level rather than just being like yeah I was at these parties but like I made no connections like I made no friends like we didn't really

Vibe you know I really made an Effort to make those connections last and last enough that I'm sure the next time I go to La I could ask these people to hang out and they would be down so find someone you connect with stick with them for a while give them the time of day and if people come up to you to try to talk to you and have a conversation with you give them the time of day as well the other thing you can do and this is for the socially anxious people is to

do grounding techniques now I don't have Anxiety but I know that this is super super helpful for the people that do and it's kind of just techniques that make you feel like I'm here I'm grounded I I'm not in my head and remind yourself that you're in the present you in the now and this is all that matters some grounding techniques you can do are deep breathing exercises you know if you need to leave to the bathroom for 5 minutes and just like have a deep breath that is totally valid and so okay or you

can Focus on your physical Sensations for example your feet are on the ground you're holding your drink maybe you touch your hair maybe you play with some of your jewelry just some sort of physical Sensation that reminds yourself I'm here I'm in the now and like I'm okay something I like to do that is very grounding to me and again I may have said this before and this is kind of cringe but I'm telling you guys because you know it's okay to be cringe once in A while I saw someone say this technique and it

has helped me for like the past 3 years and it's that when you enter a room to look at all of the corners of the room and to tell yourself you own this room this room is yours the energy in this room is up to you and every time I do that I automatically feel better because I don't feel like I'm being engulfed in just a social setting where I feel like anxious about all the people that are around me I start thinking like Oh my God everyone looks good do I look good enough like

I don't know you just start thinking about all of these outward things but when you really focus on the whole room and you realize the room isn't that big it's not bigger than me and in fact my aura my energy is expanding it is bigger than me I'm confident in myself I'm walking around thinking like yeah you're right Fernanda like this room isn't that terrifying this is not that intimidating all these People around me they are humans just like me and they don't have anything better than I have and that is so important to remember

especially for me like being in these spaces where there's people that have maybe more success than you more money than you more followers than you maybe more beautiful than you it's like we are all humans at the end of the day you have an inner child I have an inner child no one is better than the other and I just feel like it Is so important to remind yourself of those things and that you own the room you own your own energy and nobody can take that away from you you are not being engulfed in

any room no one's energy is stronger than yours and as long as you are grounded and you're feeling your own energy I swear to God to you you will be a magnet and people will be looking at you thinking damn that girl's got confidence and you know not to flex my own um whatever but going Around in these parties or places and feeling this energy I can feel people's eyes on me I can feel people looking at me when you're walking around and many times S I will say this I enter these parties and you

know there's a lot of girls everyone's like chatting I'm kind of like anxious I'm like oh my God I end up talking to them later and they say oh I was going to tell you like you're so gorgeous like I was going to tell you that earlier and so that reminds me that You know when someone doesn't go up to you and you're thinking to yourself oh my god do I look bad like do they they don't want to be my friend like what's happening people could be saying good things about you but they just

don't verbalize them and that is why honestly in my eyes I think it is so important to tell people how you feel and to drop the ego go stop feeling like you can't tell people that you like something about them because it'll make you look less Cool everyone is in the same situation everyone enjoys to feel good about themselves and to have a compliment from a stranger so the same way that I enjoy when people say that to me is the same way that I'm going to tell people that when I feel that and that's

why thinking back to that other situation where I was saying that I was like yapping in this person's ear like congratulating them I could be embarrassed in a way thinking like oh my God was that too much was I Doing too much but at the end of the day dropping the ego I told them what I wanted to tell them and they were all good things they were all genuine things and that is what people appreciate so that is actually a big reminder drop your ego in all social situations and know that if people aren't

the warmest to you if people aren't that open to you they're not approaching you or they don't seem approachable just know they might be battling their own ego and That's their problem not yours other reminders is to take breaks when needed if you need to go to the bathroom I love doing this to just like take a minute reapply my makeup do some touch-ups I actually love doing this the minute I get to a party like just go to the bathroom real quick make sure I look good so I can go out and own that

room um you can also you know go get a drink maybe you go to the kitchen maybe you go outside for a minute just taking a Moment for yourself if you're feeling too anxious and you need to regroup I definitely sat on the side with my friend a few times and we just kind of talked within ourselves and I felt so much better and the last thing is to remind yourself of the positive affirmations and selft talk remind yourself it is okay to feel anxious and affirm to yourself that you doing the best and that

is enough one of the other things I love to do when I'm in these Social interactions and ask asking them questions or whatever is ending off the conversation by asking them like oh what's your Instagram and then I'm able to follow them and connect with them later this honestly makes people feel so good about themselves because you actually care enough to keep that connection going and they know that it's not just a surface level thing you know you didn't just come to talk to them for 5 minutes and then I don't know in in my

Situation where people are like super like influencers or whatever people take photos with each other and then leave as if nothing ever happened ask people for their socials ask people for their number and definitely stay in touch I asked so many people when I was going to these parties when it was like on the weekend um like oh what are you doing tonight DM me what you're doing cuz I would love to be there too and literally so many people got back to me and let me Know what they were doing that night which was

very wholesome and I was very appreciative of that the other thing was after I followed someone and they followed me back maybe the next day I would DM them and say hey I just wanted to let you know it was so nice meeting you and not a lot of people do this honestly and so sending that message goes a long way it really makes people feel good about themselves and it just reaffirms that that connection or that Conversation that you guys had you really enjoyed it and that you would love to be their friend and

I'm sure if they have social events in the future they would love to invite you too now I have a few more stories from La that I feel like really resonate with this topic and just the whole topic of beating your social anxiety and putting yourself out there and just being extroverted and using your charisma to your advantage so this next story let me Tell you guys we're not going to name any names just because again I just feel like I just can't be doing that it's so embarrassing but there is this Tik tocker actually

should I say this story okay there's someone who is like a social media person and my mom actually showed me them and she was like I really like this person like they're so cool they're so funny whatever me and my friend were going outside of this bar and I see this person like standing on The street and I'm like oh my God that's that's them like that's literally the person that my mom was showing me like the famous person and I was like wait should we say hi like what should we do and I was

saying this to my friend and she's like I don't know do you want to say hi and I was like well I kind I want to say hi but I don't know is it weird and you know what my friend said to me she looked at me and said Fernand let's go let's go embarrass ourselves and Before I get into this conversation I just want to say my friend saying let's embarrass ourselves was my favorite thing she possibly could have said because it it honestly encapsulates who me and my friend are when we go out

when me and my friend go out we tell ourselves let's just talk to whoever we want to talk to we don't want to end the night or go home the next day and regret not talking to someone and at the end of the day I'm confident in in my social Abilities she's confident in her social abilities I Feel Like We Vibe really well together that I wouldn't do something that would embarrass her she wouldn't do something that would embarrass me whatever so it's like we put ourselves in the most crazy random situations that I could

imagine some people would be too anxious to even put themselves through and I feel like her giving me that push and reminding me like let's go be authentic let's be Ourselves let's do our thing honestly was like it's it just makes someone else feel like they are okay to be themselves and they can let down their guard down and it's really not that deep social interactions are supposed to be fun they are supposed to be playful and if all fails you put yourself out there and let me tell you guys rejection therapy I think I'm

really good at that rejection therapy is when you go out of your way to do things where you don't know what The outcome is going to be and you may be rejected and guys the more you get rejected the less it actually impacts you so I a big advocate for this there are many people that I have talked to where the conversation went so good and it was so unexpected and there's also people that I have talked to where I talked to them and it was like the worst and I literally just walked away and

I was like ah whatever they don't want to talk and that has nothing to do with Them nothing to do with me you know maybe the interaction just wasn't good maybe we didn't Vibe I'm not going to make that like hurt my feelings and say like ah God I suck I'm never going to do that again no it's okay just go out of your way put yourself out there if you get rejected it's not the end of the world and this also goes for like girls and guys that are trying to like approach people in

like a romantic way the more you get rejected the less You'll care and the more chances you have to making good connections and to make making like great bonds with people so anyways back to the story we said let's go embarrass ourselves we walk over we run and we just start yapping these people's ear off I don't even know how I started that interaction but I was like Hey like I just want to say hi and you know the reason why I came over here was actually because my mother showed me your account and she's

obsessed with you And so I felt like I had to say hello and they were a little taken back but they were like okay okay well okay and you know I was like Fernanda you have to keep this conversation going you can't just end it here so I go how's your night going how are you guys doing did you just go in this place how did you like that we start talking we start talking um I'm like so are you just like traveling here like how long are you here for how's your work going I

start Asking this person like a million questions guys when I tell you this conversation was 30 minutes long and this was like at the end of the night like I think I saw these people at like 2: a.m. and it was until like 2:30 there was three of them and two of us and so me and my friend were just talking to these people for 30 minutes and I even asked like halfway through it I was like wait do you guys have to do you guys have to leave like are we holding you up And

they were like no no no no no we're like really entertained like this is really fun and so one I feel like that shows like self-awareness you know if I felt like The Vibes were off and they were not given the same in return I would have left that could have been fine but it ended up just being such a fun conversation and again not to go into like all the details but I actually really learned a lot from that conversation I feel like I was able to Also give advice and I feel like we

both mutually benefited from that conversation and I think it was a very memorable one that we probably both went home remembering that situation and that interaction and I just feel like it's such a good story or like a good situation to reflect on thinking like I could have just not approached this person because I was embarrassed I was ashamed I was scared I was anxious but like we dropped our egos as I said Earlier put ourselves out there and it went even better than I imagined like I was just trying to go over there and

say hi but instead we lasted like 30 minutes talking it was such a fun conversation potentially gained a new friend got more than what I wanted out of the conversation and like we both left the interaction feeling good about ourselves and again I've said this before but that is the most important thing when you were talking to somebody new a lot of The times they don't remember what you even said to them they don't even remember especially if you're out at a party or a social interaction or an event maybe people are drinking people aren't

going to remember the exact things you said to them but they will remember how you made them feel if you are genuine you have good intentions maybe you are hyping them up or maybe you're just having playful banter but you're both laughing you will leave that Interaction feeling better than it started and just you know feeling good about yourself and that's what we want at the end of the day I feel like having these fun playful interactions is all I could really ask for and it made me hungry for more it made me go home

and be like I just want to keep socializing like that is why I like socializing cuz you never know where conversations are going to go and it's just fun to play around with it and especially for me I Feel like I'll be asking the most random questions and it's like that conversation ended up going in a direction that I never even thought thought it was going to go into again I feel like some tips with Charisma um that I can give that I feel like really help me is being fun with storytelling having expression in

the way that you speak telling stories with your body with your arm I will say if you guys watch my podcast the video version I Usually try to talk with my arms out unless I'm like sitting super uncomfortably and I'm like holding myself up but if you go through my episodes I'm usually talking with my hands because I feel like I'm able to express myself better but yeah when I'm talking to these new people I was now I feel okay now I feel awkward if you're watching the video podcast cuz I'm like wait was I

moving my arms in this but watch my other ones as I was saying I Usually try to tell stories that are like funny fun I use my eyebrows I use my face I like make a lot of expression with my face um I kind of try to keep them entertained you know make some jokes maybe say something not like self-deprecating in a bad way but like maybe you're making fun of yourself you're being a little bit playful it kind of lets them let their guard down and feel like you are relatable to them like you

are not a threat not that you Know you would ever be but like you know I feel like it just lets people feel open to you there's also been times where I remind myself about my body positioning and I remind myself to open my arms out and like that gives me confidence in itself I also just remember to be fully present in that conversation and not think about like what's going to come next is this weird is this awkward like just think about the now and what you can be asking I Asked them a bunch

of questions I let them ask me questions I expanded on topics I made sure cuz there was like three people there that I was looking at everyone in the eyes asking all three of them questions so I wasn't icing anyone out you know I would look over at my friend make sure she's fine she was doing good can I just also say that during this interaction one of the people asked me if I had a podcast and I was like no I literally do is it because I can't stop talking and they were like yeah

like you're actually talking so much I would assume that you had a podcast and I was like you are so right I'm so glad you're getting my vibe off from this interaction and then I told them like no I would actually love to be a a host someday like host red carpets or friends and stuff and they were like oh I could 100% see you doing that so that gave me a lot of confidence and uh it just made me feel really good about Myself so that was a nice sweet genuine compliment that they gave

me and one that made me feel good about myself the other thing I want to say from my trip in general not just like going to parties and stuff but like when I was with the Warner Brothers team and I will say this straight up um there were so many different types of people there and people that had completely different niches than me like as a Creator and you know one may be quick to judge not even In a bad way but it's like you know if I know I'm a girly pop YouTube girl I

may approach the girlly poop YouTube girls because that's who I would assume would be my friends right like I would assume the girls that dress like me are probably the ones that I'm going to get the most along with and you know I feel like that's normal but let me tell you the people that I actually ended up getting along the best with on this trip were people that had completely Different niches to me completely different ages completely different Vibes aesthetic ICS like they were wearing something I would never wear or they had hobbies that

I would never even dabble into and those were the people that I got along with the best and so I feel like that's just a reminder for myself and for you guys that friendship connection conversations can be based on how you guys are feeling what you guys are thinking about how your Vibes match Together and how your auras connect it has nothing to do with the visual aspect and that is why it is so important to remind yourself to not judge people based on what they look like or based on what they do and to

really like take the time to get to know people because it's the people that you least expect that you will actually have such a good conversation with and if you actually care about conversation and learning something new From the other person just keep an open mind keep an open body language and be open to conversations with people you would never talk to the other thing that I want to say right there is that Curiosity I think is one of the leading like characteristics that can benefit you in having convers ations being genuinely curious about other

people will take you so far because they will feel heard they will feel seen they will feel listened to and you know what else Could you ask for I would hope that someone talking to me would be curious about me and again I'll say it before I'll say it again people love talking about themselves so if all fails ask them questions and they'll ask questions in return maybe you get to talk about yourself the other thing that I want to say is that me and my friend when we went out you know she's single she's

very beautiful she always reminds me like it is very easy for guys to come up To her and for her to talk to guys but she's like no I'm going to go out of my way to make a bunch of girlfriends tonight like I'm going to go to all the girls I'm going to go and put that extra effort in and like put myself in girl groups and like really make friends and so that was her kind of intention before going in and same with me I'm like instead of just being with the people that

I'm friends with like I'm going to go out of my way to go make girl friends And funny enough one of the girls that I met actually told me that she was at this party by herself and I was like oh my God no way like that's so awesome like you're so fun you're so cool we got along so well let me tell you that I dm'd her the next day and I was like it was so nice to meet you and she was like yeah we should hang out and just like that a new

friend was acquired and I'm sure she was so happy that being alone and like her maybe like being on the Side kind of like unsure if she should be there or not it made her feel really good that I went out of my way to talk to her anyways the last thing I want to say is that I love socializing with another friend that is kind of like my safety net me and my friend I feel like whenever we go out we know each other's Vibes we know when the other is feeling uncomfort comfortable we

know when to Hype the other person up and at the end of the day we tell ourselves like we are Cool we are happy we are we are enjoying ourselves we are confident we are social we're giving ourselves the affirmations and I feel like a Duo sometimes is better than being by yourself and if you need another person there with you take that plus one ask for that plus one bring another person and enjoy having conversations with this other person by your side again before we end off this episode some practical tips for you I

would really say is to start small begin With going to small Gatherings maybe just I don't know going to coffee shops where there's a lot of people talking to the Baristas maybe talking to someone at the gym maybe that's your way to getting out there and talking to people then it could be going to like parties with some friends then if you're really feeling brave you can go to some parties alone now I've done this before and though I was super awkward guys actually I have to tell you this this happened to me When I

was in LA for like a month in in uh April I went to a party with one person that invited me and you know what I'm not going to lie that was the definition of rejection therapy I was walking around this party like a weirdo not knowing anybody and just walking aimlessly and I I'm not even going to lie there was some points where I went to the bathroom and scrolled my phone and I was like guys there's no one here that I know what do I do okay you know You know what I did

I walked around I held my head high and I said Fernando you're going to be confident and walk around by yourself and then I found two girls that just like seemed like such a Vibe I was like Hey like how's your night going like do you live here oh I'm new here started talking guys I had to pull out the um so I actually came by myself I like don't really know anyone do you mind if I Vibe with you guys when I tell you that's kind of that's a lot For me like that's a

lot they could have said no also keep in mind these girls are very beautiful La girls like influencer girls like and I'm on my own I don't know anyone here and I'm out here asking if they could be my friend I felt like I was a grade I don't know I felt like I was an elementary school kid asking for someone to let me in and they said yes they said yes so I hung out with them the entire party went home they even texted me the next day being Like it was so nice to

me meet you and guess what guess what I saw them again a few months later they were like oh my God how are you we should hang out whatever and now that's a new friend of mine and if someone asked me how we met I would tell them I was at a party on my own and this girl took me under her Wing so that's kind of a little bit of a personal story for you to either ask someone if you can be under their wing or take another person under your wing Because they probably

need it so bad anyways remind yourself you can leave whenever you want it's really not that deep this should be fun it is a skill that you need to practice on and it is a skill that will take you so far honestly it is such a blessing and something to be very grateful for that you have the ability and the body and the time to like go out and make friends and meet people and one of the like key ways to identify if someone is happy or not or Just like I don't know the key

characteristics of a happy person is the relationships they have in their life and I think having a broad network of people that you know even if they're acquaintances but you know even better than that maybe they're friends maybe they're deep friends maybe they're work friends workout friends party Friends The Wider of a network that you have the more rich and fulfilled your life can be this way you can hang out with different People for different things different people can teach you different things you make more experiences you hear different perspectives it makes you a more

well-rounded person there's just so many reasons why being a social person is something to be actively looking and working towards and for those that are socially anxious I hope that any of these tips helped you out or maybe even listening to my own personal stories made you realize like it's it's not that Hard I am able to put myself out there and I hope after listening to this episode you feel a little bit challenged or maybe even inspired to go do something social this weekend go out on a Friday go out on a Saturday go

out on a yoga class Sunday morning I just want you to know be kind to yourself everyone struggles with this from time to time you can take this journey at your own pace and that is it I hope you guys enjoyed this episode I had so much fun Yapping and yapping and um yeah I love you guys I'll talk to you soon bye-bye [Music]