so you have a movie for me yes sir I do I was thinking we make a Borderlands movie oh yeah weren't those games super popular like a decade ago why make that now well sir the best time to make a movie was 10 years ago the second best time is 9 years ago well yeah that would have been better but I'm doing like eight years ago also good but I'm doing a play on that quote you know about planting trees how the best time was 20 years ago but the second best time is now well
as you know movies are trees so I'm sold so tell me about this thing right so when the planet pain we're going to meet this guy Roland and in the game he's like this big serious Soldier guy we should get Kevin Hart to play him oh that's kind of the exact opposite Vibe of what I said yeah then we could start the movie with a joke about his height okay that is good and I can't believe nobody's done that before but Roland's like the straight man in this movie yeah let's cast Kevin Hart as the
serious character in a comedy action movie well okay then so Roland kidnaps this girl Tiny Tina from a prison and then this other prisoner C smashes through his glass cell and joins them how is he even being held in a cell made of glass was that the first time he attempted that hey shut up so then on this other planet we're going to meet Lilith who's like a young rebellious Bounty Hunter we should get Kate Blanchett to player oh she's great isn't she in her 50s yeah great actress yeah okay and then there's this other
young scientist lady named Tannis Jam Lee Curtis this she's in her 60s right yes okay look sir I just got to come out and say this is that a little miscast well I'm glad you asked it's actually a little Mis cast see I gave him a little mustache and everything very cute and great actor choices by the way thank you anyway so Lilith gets hired by this guy Atlas to go rescue his daughter Tina okay so she goes to Pandora where she was born and meets this little robot clap trap and what's his deal well
I was thinking that with this character we set out to make one of the most beloved comedy actors of our time into just the most annoying thing on the planet oh sounds like a fun challenge let's get Jack Black to say grading things every two to three seconds just stuff that barely has anything to do with anything that sounds perfect and let's make it all the comedic equivalent of saying well that just happened amazing so they track down Tina and turns out she doesn't want to be rescued and now she's teamed up with Roland and
C as well why is Roland protecting her he's a rogue mercenary Soldier yeah why did he go Rogue cuz he's got he's he's he's that stack of paper seems kind of thin yeah to be honest I had one of those freaking meat cutes on the way here what you know when you bump into a girl and your papers go flying everywhere and then you make eye contact as you're both getting up did you forget to pick up all the papers I for I always forget to pick up a bunch of the pap after meet cutes
well that's okay we don't really need to know why the characters do what they do okay thank goodness so what happens now okay well now they've all decided to protect Tina and they're being pursued by atlas's Army led by this lady named Knox okay so now we've got a fun team of outer space Misfits just like Guardians of the Galaxy oh that's always fun you see the trick to a good Guardians of the Galaxy Vibe is to make all the characters just kind of jerky and make sure they have good funny chemistry together I guess
oh easy there I can't do both those things sorry you're trying to get me to walk in sh gum at the same time over here and I won't stand for it I apologize we'll just stick to one of those two things whichever you think is the most important the unlikable one so they're going to do funny stuff you know they're going to drive through a field of urine oh PE fields are tight so what are they trying to accomplish anyway oh well see there's this Vault that contains powerful uh it's stuff that makes you powerful
whoa but you need three keys to open it oh so they need to find three keys well they already have one key and they just kind of stumble on another and supposed Tina is the third key what do you mean there's this prophecy that the third key is supposed to be the daughter of this ancient race from Pandora and she's been genetically engineered to be that oh so Atlas wants to use her to become vaguely powerful exactly so the good guys need to make it to the Vault before he can get in to oh they
probably shouldn't be heading there that's fine so they're going to encounter several obstacles along the way which will happen legally making this a movie what kind of things they're going to have to go through this sewer type area where maybe they'll fall in toxic waste or something yeah you know how video game sometimes you got to go through an area this is an area and they're going to go through it video game adapted and since guns are a huge thing in the game there are going to be several big gunfights oh tell me about those
well picture this sir shots of the characters firing bullets off screen and a shaky camera movement and then another shot of a character falling well I can only assume that the bad guys are being hit by those bullets exactly although it will be hard to say again because of the shaky cam very exciting maybe so then what happens So eventually everybody gets to the Vault but turns out Tina's not the key it's Lilith oh which is a big twist oh oh that's better and then there's going to be this moment where that lady knocks she
switches sides how come I'm not sure but she's killed instantly oh okay yeah I mean it doesn't really affect anything in any way but there are worse ways to spend 30 seconds of screen time I guess so now Lilith has to defend everybody from atlas's army is that going to be hard to do actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah cuz see since she's the chosen one she now turns into a big old Firehawk and saves the day isn't that the power she has in the game yeah so fans
of the game won't be surprised and non-fans of the game won't know what that's about basically yeah who is this movie for who is this movie for sir I'll tell you who this movie is for this movie is for that little boy who's a fan of Borderlands and he's always wondered why there's no movie but he's not such a fan that he like knows all the stuff cuz he'd get pretty mad about the weird decisions we're making but he's aware vaguely he's got a vaguely positive feeling about Borderlands as a concept and maybe maybe that's
enough to buy a ticket that's who this movie's for wow well said the thing is I'm not sure that boy exists oh well then we might be in some trouble [Music] here hi this is Ryan George from the thing you just watch watched please enjoy this slideshow from the thing you just watched [Music]
