How Being "Nice" DESTROYS Your Confidence

why being nice actually destroys your confidence cuz I was the dude who was extremely friendly who is extremely nice guy not just with women but with friends with my with my initial employees when I first started my business I I did not know how to be a boss I did not know how to be raw and real and authentic with my friends and I did not know how to do this with women and honestly even the relationships I have with my family took a hit as well right and this was something struggled with throughout my

20s I got taken advantage of in friendships over tens of thousands of dollars I lost a lot of women in the process but but more importantly I ended up starting to hate myself in the process that's why I wanted to make this video because it's not just about getting these things externally it's it it hurts your confidence when you end up being too nice because in my opinion the idea about being nice it's not really authentic it's not genuine we're being nice because the there's a couple different reasons though like let's let's break this down

when it comes to women the reason that you're the nice guy is because you're you're afraid to be polarizing you're afraid to disagree with the girl you're afraid of the rejection you seek the approval is really what it is you're seeking approval and so because of that you can't actually display how you're really feeling about things all right there's a lot of this tension and fear and so you speak with a filter out of potential fear of judgment from the woman right right so it could be off of the initial approach you're going up to

a grow you're afraid of rejection and so most guys won't even actually make the approach your brain will find ways to talk you out of even making the approach oh she looks really busy I don't want to bother her that's like that's actually you trying to be nice to the girl like think about that for a second there's a girl you're attracted to you want to actually go up and see if you guys have chemistry and your brain will make a justification that she seems too busy I don't want to bother her you you you

get do you see how that even just that is actually being nice off of the initial approach right then when it comes to in the middle of an interaction being afraid to disagree with her being able to tease her being able to display some sort of intent towards her or flirt with her or feel entitled enough to ask her out we're afraid of doing all these things so we're actually walking on eggshells in the interaction because from I mean I get it CU I was also that guy and if I were to think back it

was really like I was just so afraid of potentially upsetting the girl or getting the rejection and so as a means of avoiding that situation altogether I would just try to dance around that thing I would dance around the topic because I don't want to face the reality of what what what could potentially actually happen which would confirm the idea that I wasn't good enough right so that's really what it was with women with friends I mean look I was afraid to call out some of my closest friends even from childhood when I knew that

they were literally stealing money from from a joint bank account I had a childhood friend who was stealing tens of thousand dollars from a joint bank account with me and my mom and I couldn't even call him out on it I was literally trying to find ways to like justify why he was doing the thing and give him an opportunity to come clean about the whole thing like it's crazy to even think about I lost more money because I let more time go by and not even being able to have a talk about it and

same thing in my business when I first hired my initial employees that most of them don't even actually none of them even work with me anymore um but when I first hired them I was afraid to be authoritative I was afraid to command them I was afraid to give them um I was afraid to give them orders right and so I created a dynamic where we were just boys right because I was actually afraid of I guess stepping on toes or pissing somebody off even though I was supposed to be the boss within the company

and so as you can imagine there was a really [ __ ] Foundation set in place for the company and the work ethic and what was supposed to be um done in terms of your work performance right I set a very bad foundation in all of these different categories of my life and as a result of being too nice I got taken advantage of all right and so all of these different things really hurt my confidence all right it hurt my confidence with women because my inner self knew I was being a [ __ ]

like that's really what it comes down to the reason that being too nice actually destroys your confidence is because deep down you have a subc conscious deep down you have this inner thought this inner voice and it knows everything that's going on internally with you anytime you make a move anytime you [ __ ] out on something internally your your voice and your your subconscious knows you bitched out right and so as you go on with women and there's a girl you're really attracted to you want to talk to her you want to ask her

out and you you don't do the thing because you're being too nice or somebody said something that disrespected you or is taking advantage of you and you're being too nice and then you leave that situation deep down the voice is telling you like yo you were a [ __ ] why you such a [ __ ] man like why can't you just man the [ __ ] up right that that's the relationship that you have with you do you get that so when you have that relationship with you and the conversation is deep down when

it comes down to it you're a [ __ ] how could you have a high level of true core confidence you can you can't so so the whole conclusion of this is by being too nice by being afraid to display how you truly feel about a situation out of fear of being accepted maybe to your parents to your friend group um fear of being accepted or rejected by a woman U with your employees with your co-workers with your friends family loved ones whoever it is you being too nice and avoiding communicating about things in the

way that you truly feel is actually destroying the relationship that you have with yourself Because deep down you know you're being a [ __ ] all right and so I want to I also want to say that on the opposite side of this that does not mean you need to be an extremely blunt aggressive [ __ ] that pisses people off it's actually not black and white and and that was the mistake that I had in my 20s was I was so afraid of the other side and so I would always hold in the urge

to say the thing but as a result of doing that the situations would build up and up and up and then it would get to a point where I would need to call the person out and would need to be this big deal all right and so same thing with the women like I never made the approach so by the time I was actually going to do the approach it was this huge deal finally it's the one or I've been talking to this girl and I was too nice so many times that finally I can't

take it anymore finally I'm going to ask her out now it's a huge deal or with my friend that was literally stealing money by the time I had to call him out tens of thousands of dollars got if I if the moment that there was just a charge that was somewhat suspicious and I just went to him was like Yo dude like what is this I'm just curious like this CH shouldn't be on the business thing what is this right or the moment I saw a girl if I just said something to her like like

hey honestly I just want to say you look really cute today or or even something more lowy than that hey good morning actually I really like your outfit have a great day like if I just start taking the first step consistently it doesn't become a big deal right so you as the nice guy understand I get why you're being the nice guy I get why you're so nice friends family loved ones but understand that the only way you get past that man the only way that I was able to make that shift was I mean

I learned a really hard way I I waited so long until the pain was literally unbearable and then I was forced to make a decision and that's unfortunate how a lot of guys get over this thing is they just have so much pain over the years um some of them hit a Breaking Point some of them don't I'm I'm really making this video to bring awareness to you right now so that way you don't need to wait until you're in this unbearable painful situation like make a promise to yourself now now man like literally today

and this week you make a promise to yourself if it's with women or if it's with friends if it's with family if with business people you know where it is in your own life you need to make a promise to yourself now that the next time that I encounter this opportunity I need to say something I don't care if it goes the way I want I don't care if it's accepted or rejected I don't care if the girl blows me out or ignores me or rejects me I don't care care if it upsets the other

person what I care about is the relationship that I have with myself right and I want to be a confident dude that that does the things that I say I'm going to do at the end of the day that's that's what it comes down to I am I am so confident within myself because when I when I tell myself I'm going to do something I have built up a relationship of consistently showing myself I'm going to do the thing and so now I have a very high level of trust and love and and evidence to

my own self that I tell myself I'm going to do the [ __ ] thing and I man the [ __ ] up and I do the thing so much so to the point where I don't even think about this [ __ ] anymore honestly guys like straight up it's been years I don't even really think about it too much but I help a lot of clients and I notic that they have these Tendencies still so if you're somebody you feel like you're being too nice man you got to stop doing that thing if it's

with approaching women you got to just own it if it's with flirting with a girl or disagreeing with the girl or challenging the girl start bringing more selective focus and attention that hey I'm I'm going to do this thing once a day three times a day five times this weekend when I go out I don't care what the metric is what's important is that you bring attention to it and you you make a promise to yourself that you're going to do the thing and then you actually do the thing and then here's the kicker once

it's done you actually congratulate yourself afterwards man you tell yourself [ __ ] yeah I told myself I was going to do that [ __ ] and I did it I I don't care about the end result it's the fact that I'm not being disingenuine anymore and just being nice as a means of trying to please other people we're done with that [ __ ] what's really important now is me building up a relationship that I have with myself and the way that I'm going to do that is by everything I just said in this

video it's telling yourself you're going to do something and you actually go out and do the [ __ ] thing man and I promise you life is so much more fulfilling when you're on the other side of it all right that's that is why being nice destroys your confidence and why you can no longer live a life that way all right if you need help getting out of that run cuz I I was stuck in that for way too long I lost years of my own life being being too nice I wish I overcame that

[ __ ] faster if you want help fast-tracking that process you can click the links down below check out the brand new coaching programs for 2025 that's all for this video guys but if nothing else make a promise to yourself man this week today what whatever the thing is in your own life you got to stop you got to start being real with yourself man you got to start being real with yourself and when you tell yourself you're going to do that thing you [ __ ] go do that thing bro all right that's all

for today I'll see you in the next one let's go