My name is Linda. I am 26 years old. I was born in a small town in Africa.
Life there was not easy. My family was poor. We lived in a small house with broken windows and no hot water.
Every day I looked at photos of New York on my phone. I wanted to live in America. I wanted money, freedom, and nice clothes.
I wanted a new life. I didn't care how I got it. One day, I made a plan.
I wanted a green card. I knew some women married American men to get one. I thought, why not me?
I was pretty smart and I could pretend to love someone. I was not looking for real love. I only wanted papers.
I told myself, "Don't feel bad. This is just a step. " I didn't feel shame.
I felt ready. I made a fake profile on a dating site. I said I was looking for a kind man.
I added some cute photos. In just two days, I got many messages. But most were too young or too poor.
I needed someone older, someone lonely, someone easy to control. Then I saw David. David was 39 years old.
He had soft brown eyes and a shy smile. He lived in Texas. He worked in an office and owned a small house.
He had no wife, no kids, and few friends. In his photo, he looked like a nice man. That's what I wanted.
A nice man who didn't ask too many questions. I sent him a message. Hi, David.
You look kind. I like your smile. He answered right away.
Hi, Linda. Thank you. You're very beautiful.
And just like that, we started talking every day, morning and night. I told him I was a teacher. I said I love to cook and read books.
I told him I wanted a simple life, all lies. David was kind. He asked about my day.
He called me sweet names. After two weeks, he said, "I feel something for you. " I smiled at the screen.
"Me, too," I lied. "I think I love you," he said after one month. "That was perfect.
" I said it back. "I love you, David. " He was so happy.
Come to America, he said. Let's get married. I acted shy.
So soon? I asked, but inside I smiled. My plan was working.
David paid for my flight. He sent money for my visa. I bought a new dress and packed my bag.
I told my mother, "I'm going to the US. " She looked at me. "Do you love this man?
" I said, "He's kind. That's enough. " But I didn't care if he was kind.
I just wanted to get out. When I arrived in America, David was waiting at the airport. He held a sign with my name.
He wore a clean shirt and held flowers. "You look even more beautiful," he said. I gave him a hug.
I smiled at him, but not with my heart. My smile was part of the plan. We drove to his house.
It was small, but clean. He made tea for me and talked about his job. I looked around the room.
Nice TV, new sofa. This was better than my old life. You can sleep in my bed, he said.
I'll take the couch. I shook my head. No, we are husband and wife now.
That night, I let him hold me. I closed my eyes and thought about my green card. We got married two weeks later.
It was a simple wedding. No big party, no family, just us and a friend from his job. I wore a white dress I bought online.
He cried a little during the vows. I just looked at the clock. After the wedding, he helped me start my green card process.
We took photos, filled papers, and went to the interview. I held his hand and called him my love. In front of the officer, I kissed his cheek and said, "I want a life with him.
" I looked into his eyes and smiled. He believed every word. At home, David tried to make me happy.
He cooked dinner. He bought me gifts. He asked me about my dreams.
I said, "I want to study. I want a job. I want a future here.
" He smiled and said, "I will help you. " He didn't know the truth. I didn't want a future with him.
I just wanted a future in this country. I started to change. I went out more.
I made new friends. I stopped cooking. I stopped asking about his day.
I told him I was tired. Sometimes I stayed out late. Sometimes I didn't come home.
He asked, "Where were you? " I said, "With friends. " I looked him in the eye and lied.
He looked sad. He didn't ask more. David was not a bad man.
He just wanted love. But I was not that woman. I was not his dream.
I was a user and I didn't feel sorry. I told myself again, "This is just a step. " One day, I met another man at the gym.
His name was Jake. He was young, strong, and full of life. We started talking.
Then we started meeting in secret. I told him I was single. He didn't ask questions.
I didn't offer answers. David started to notice. "You are always out.
" He said, "You don't talk to me anymore. " I looked at him and said, "I'm busy. " He didn't fight.
He just looked tired. The day my green card letter came, I was home. David brought the envelope to me.
"It's here," he said with a smile. I opened it slowly. My heart was beating fast.
I read the letter. Approved. I wanted to scream, but I just smiled.
Thank you, David," I said. He looked proud. "We did it, love.
" I kissed his cheek and walked into the kitchen. I poured coffee and looked out the window. That night, I went out again.
I didn't come home. Before I share the rest of my story, I need to know where are you listening from? Knowing someone hears me, understands me, gives me strength.
I did not sleep at home that night. I stayed with Jake. He lived in a small apartment near the city.
He was fun and young. He made jokes and played music. I liked being around him.
I told him I lived with a friend. I said I had no family in the U s. That was a lie.
I had a husband, but I did not care. The next morning, I went back to David's house. He was cooking eggs and toast.
I smelled coffee. He looked tired but happy. "Where were you?
" he asked. I sat down at the table. I was with my friend, I said.
I was too tired to come back. He looked at me for a few seconds. You didn't answer my messages.
I smiled and said, "I forgot my phone charger. " He said nothing more. We ate in silence.
He asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I said I was busy. I went to the bedroom and closed the door.
I texted Jake. I didn't want to spend time with David anymore, but I needed to stay a little longer. The next week, David took me to the immigration office.
We had an interview. He held my hand in the waiting room. "Are you nervous?
" he asked. No, I said I was not nervous. I was ready.
I had played my part well. I wore a nice dress. I smiled a lot.
I said I loved my husband. I said we had a good life. David smiled and nodded.
He believed me. A few days later, my green card arrived. It came in the mail.
It was in a white envelope. I opened it slowly. There it was, my green card.
My freedom. I wanted to jump and scream. I held it in my hand.
I could not stop smiling. David looked at me. You did it, he said.
We did it. I answered. But I didn't mean it.
He did not know I was already planning to leave. That night, David made a nice dinner. He cooked chicken and mashed potatoes.
He lit candles and put on soft music. "Tonight is special," he said. "We are a real family now.
" I smiled and said, "Yes, we are. " But inside, I felt nothing. After dinner, I took a shower.
I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin was glowing. My eyes were bright.
I whispered, "You did it, Linda. " I felt proud. I was almost free.
One more step. The next day, I went to work. I had started a small job in a salon.
I washed hair and cleaned floors. It was not easy, but it paid money. I told the girls at work that I was single.
I said I had no one. They did not know about David. I kept him a secret.
At night, I met Jake again. We went to a bar. He kissed me.
He called me beautiful. I laughed and said, "I'm happy now. " He did not ask about my past.
He liked my looks, not my story. When I got home, David was asleep on the couch. The TV was still on.
He had a blanket over him. I looked at him for a few seconds. His face looked soft and kind.
I felt nothing. I turned off the light and went to bed alone. Two days later, I packed my things.
David was at work. I filled my suitcase with clothes, makeup, and my green card. I left the wedding ring on the kitchen table.
I did not write a note. I did not say goodbye. I just left.
I moved in with a friend from work. She had a small room to rent. I paid her with the money I saved from the salon.
She asked no questions. She was happy to have help. I blocked David's phone number.
I did not want to hear him cry. I did not want to hear him ask why. I knew he would be hurt, but I didn't care.
He gave me what I needed. His part in my life was over. I told people my name was Linda James.
I used David's last name to sound more American. I told people I was divorced. Some men liked that.
They thought I was experienced. I smiled at them. I liked the attention.
One day, I saw David outside my work. He was standing near the door. He was holding a paper bag.
I don't know what was inside. Maybe food. Maybe something for me.
He looked at me, but he did not smile. He just watched me. I froze.
Then I walked past him and said nothing. That night he sent me a message. I just want to know why.
I read it. Then I deleted it. He did not message again.
Weeks passed. My life changed. I got a better job at a bigger salon.
I earned more money. I bought new clothes. I went to parties.
I met new people. I smiled more, but inside I still felt cold. Jake stopped calling.
He found someone else. That was fine with me. I didn't love him.
He was just something to do. I was alone again, but I didn't care. One night, I sat in my new room.
It was small but clean. I had a soft bed and a desk. I looked at my green card.
I held it in my hand. I touched it with care. This card gave me a new life.
But now I didn't know what to do next. I had no friends who truly knew me. No one to call, no one to hold.
I had the papers. I had the clothes. I had freedom.
But still, I felt something missing. I did not know what it was. Then I told myself again, "You did what you had to do.
Be strong. " I put the green card in my wallet and turned off the light. My life after leaving David was very quiet.
I moved into a small room. I went to work every day. I came home at night.
I watched TV alone. I ate simple food. I did not talk to many people.
I told myself this is the life I wanted. I was free. I had my green card.
I had what I came for. But some days I felt strange. I looked at my phone and had no messages.
I sat at the window and drank tea. The city was busy outside, but my room was cold and silent. I did not laugh much.
I did not cry either. I felt nothing most of the time. I kept saying, "This is what you wanted, Linda.
This was your dream. " At work, I smiled at customers. I helped wash their hair.
I cleaned the chairs. I said good morning and thank you. But I did not share anything about myself.
When the girls at the salon asked me about my life, I said, "I'm fine. " That was all. They never knew about David.
They never knew I was married. That part of my life was gone. One evening, I saw a couple in the street.
The woman was laughing. The man held her hand. They looked happy.
I turned away quickly. I did not want to feel anything. I walked fast to the bus stop.
I waited there in the cold and thought about David. I saw his face in my mind. He always looked at me with soft eyes.
Even when I was cold, he was kind. I pushed the thought away. But David came back to my mind many times after that.
I remembered the night he cooked for me after I got my green card. He had made sweet bread and chicken. He lit candles and smiled.
I only said, "Thank you. " I gave him nothing in return. He had looked so happy.
I had only waited for the right time to leave. One day, I opened my drawer. I saw the green card again.
I held it in my hand. It was strong and shiny. I had worked hard to get it.
I lied. I cheated. I used someone who trusted me.
But I had what I wanted. Still, my heart felt heavy. I put it back and closed the drawer.
That weekend, I went to the park alone. It was a sunny day. Children were playing.
A man was teaching his son to ride a bike. A woman was reading a book near a tree. I sat on a bench and watched them.
I had no one. I had no one to talk to. I had no one to call.
My phone was silent. I looked around and felt very small. I had a life in America now.
But I did not feel strong. I did not feel happy. I had no one to tell my stories to.
I had no one to care about me. I had no one to miss. I thought again about David.
I wondered if he was okay. I wondered if he hated me. I wondered if he had someone new.
That night, I opened my phone. I searched his name online. I found his picture.
He looked different now. His face was thinner. His smile was not as big, but he still looked gentle.
I stared at the screen for a long time. Then I put the phone down and went to sleep. The next day, I tried to forget again.
I told myself, you are lucky. You are in the country you wanted. You can stay.
You can work. You can travel. But the voice in my heart said something else.
It said, "You hurt someone good. You hurt someone who gave you everything. " I started writing in a notebook.
I did not write about work or food. I wrote about David. I wrote about the first day we met.
I wrote about the airport. I wrote about the day I lied to him. The day I told him I loved him.
I wrote about the way he looked at me. The way he smiled at me when he brought me flowers. I wrote about how I walked out without a word.
After I wrote, I sat still. I felt something move inside me. It was not joy.
It was not sadness. It was something between. Maybe it was truth.
For the first time, I said everything to myself. I did not hide. I did not lie.
I just told my story. My real story. Weeks passed.
I kept working. I saved money. I bought some new clothes.
I bought a small table and two chairs. But no one ever sat in the other chair. I always ate alone.
I started drinking coffee in the morning just to feel warm. I looked out the window a lot. I thought about calling David.
I thought about saying sorry, but I never did. One night I dreamed of him. In my dream, we were in the kitchen.
He was cooking again. He was laughing. I was sitting at the table.
He looked at me and said, "I knew you didn't love me, but I loved you anyway. " I woke up fast. My pillow was wet.
I had been crying in my sleep. I got up and walked to the mirror. I looked at myself.
I looked older now. My eyes were not as bright. I was not that young pretty girl who came to America full of plans.
I was not that girl anymore. I was someone new. Someone who had made choices, some good, some bad.
I went back to bed and closed my eyes. I thought maybe I will fall in love for real one day. Maybe I will meet someone who loves me again.
Maybe I will be a better person. I don't know. But tonight, I will rest.
I will stop running. And in the morning, I will try again. If this story touched your heart, don't forget to like, comment, and share.