When we struggle with codependency or we were raised in a household where this was happening it can be hard for us to get out of this pattern of behavior which is why today we are going to talk about the seven ways we can heal from codependency [Music] codependency is when we are in an unbalanced relationship one person's Behavior helps support another person's self-destructive Behavior usually people talk about this as it applies to addiction but it can also happen in relationships where one person is emotionally immature irresponsible or has a mental illness that they aren't caring
for I heard codependency once described as one person has an addiction to a substance or thing and the other person is addicted to caring for them and that pretty much sums it up starting off with number seven we will need to untangle ourselves from other people do we spend all of our time with one person maybe we struggle to make any decision without asking someone for their thoughts or advice on it first do we feel like we're walking on eggshells around those we're closest to or trying to do everything perfectly so that we don't stress
them out or upset them in order to do any of this work we are going to have to put some healthy space between us and those were in relationships with because unfortunately When we struggle with codependency it usually Finds Its way into all of our relationships so stepping away for a bit to assess and adjust is going to be a really important step number six we will need to communicate with our partner or friend about the changes that we're going to try and make if we're going to work to change the rules of how we
interact with others we need to let them know first I know it's hard to have these kinds of conversations but it could be saying something as simple as you know I've been telling you you know I'm trying to work on myself and in doing that I realize that I'm not the best with boundaries in my relationships so I'm gonna be trying to improve that and I promise to explain as much as I can as I work through it we can also tell them that it's okay to ask questions or express any concerns they have while
we're doing this work right overall this is going to be great practice for us and will ensure that we don't accidentally damage any important relationships in our life while we work to change [Music] the fifth way to heal is to begin to understand boundaries and how to put them in place boundaries are important so that others know how to treat us and we know how to treat them they ensure each relationship is healthy and respectful when we are codependent we often don't have any real Independence and so we can think that by telling someone no
or not being able to do everything someone asks of us that we're being selfish or that boundaries only exist in All or Nothing terms like it's either all about them or It's All About Us but healthy boundaries are not so extreme they are there so that we can take care of ourselves and by doing that we will be able to be there for our loved ones when they need it like putting these in place in all of our relationships is going to be key to Healing from codependency moving on to number four we will need
to be a detective for our patterns just like everything in life codependency is going to look different for each and every one of us some of us may find it applies to our friendships and those relationships being all give without getting anything back others of us may find that it applies exclusively to our romantic relationships and us being attracted to people who seem to need us or make us feel like we have a purpose whatever it is it's important to figure out our pattern so that we can more easily identify ways that codependency is affecting
us and our relationships so start noticing the ways that you put others first or fixate on others versus focusing on yourself and just see what you find out remember we have to be curious not judgmental as we work through this number three get to know yourself this takes time often when we've been codependent for a long time possibly our whole lives we may not know what we like don't like and making decisions about these things can feel impossible because we never had the chance or gave ourselves a chance because we're too busy focusing on someone
else so try things out try new music movies you've never seen or thought you didn't like like I don't like horror films or I don't really like rom-coms watch them find out try new food activities whatever you can think of give yourself a chance to try it see if you like it and if not go ahead and move on and try something else but give yourself the time to try new things it's okay to not be good at it or not know what works or what you like or don't like it's like we have to
give ourselves a chance to learn and make decisions on our own and since that can be so incredibly foreign be patient and kind with yourself we could also feel the need to do everything perfectly as a side effect of our codependency so do your best to give yourself permission to do things incorrectly or wrong because that's really part of learning and growing number two we're gonna check our facts unfortunately one of the side effects of codependency is that we look to other people to validate who we are or that we're doing things right and therefore
we can constantly judge ourselves assume others are judging us too and that they don't like us or that we're doing something wrong which is why we need to check our facts on these thoughts instead of letting them live in our heads assuming that they're true and continuing to think them thoughts are just thoughts remember that and having a thought more than once doesn't make it a fact so pay attention to what you say to yourself about yourself and check your facts on it I know I know this sounds incredibly tedious so start with your top
five most common judgy thoughts and see if you have any facts that can back them up facts remember not thoughts because chances are we don't have any that back them up and then maybe consider what the facts actually do support you might be surprised by what you find out and finally number one give therapy a try I know it's hard to reach out and speak up about something that we're struggling with let alone to talk to a stranger about it but trust me when I tell you it can change your life yes Behavior change is
hard and it can feel like it's just going against every fiber of our being which is why it's important to work with a therapist so that they can help you push through that discomfort and be a safe person to check in with as we try those new things and encourage us when we need it along the way if therapy isn't available or maybe it's not affordable for you there is such a thing as codependence Anonymous and it's free online or in person and it could be a great option for support and understanding and it is
important to know that things like a a n a or CA codependence Anonymous are peer support meaning that it's not LED or supported by licensed professionals now that doesn't make it better or worse it's just something to know because I've always believed that if something helps us that's all that matters so find what works for you and get that extra support oh and I almost forgot another key part of healing from codependency is going to be improving our self-care I know we hear that word all the time and self-care we can think has to look
like Vacations or expensive massages or facials that's not what I'm talking about we do need to prioritize our basic needs you know that halt I talk about all the time hungry angry lonely tired well we need to look into those things as well as taking our medication as prescribed or treating any illness we may have because when we're codependent we put other people first right remember what I said at the beginning that it's they have an addiction to a thing or a substance and our addiction is like making their life okay and keeping them going
our addiction is them meaning that we're not putting any effort or any purpose any focus on ourselves and so a huge part of this is going to be putting some of that Focus onto ourselves and it's going to feel uncomfortable and we're going to think we're being really selfish or we're not putting other people first like we used to so we're going to think we're we're bad right we can have some shame blame guilt or embarrassment thoughts that come up as we do this but I just encourage you to put that part of yourself and
part of your work as a priority I remember years ago a friend of mine had said that they put their self-care in their calendar and make it non-negotiable I encourage you to do this even if it's just 10 or 15 minutes maybe that means that we get up a little earlier I'm not a morning person either but we spend a little time journaling about what's coming up for us or doing some of the other work that I mentioned in the video there's a lot of ways that we can prioritize ourselves because even if we have
to negotiate with our codependent self we could say something like you know if I plan to help other people I can't pour from an empty pitcher right we need to fill ourselves up first and so I believe that the self-care component is going to be key as we try out any of the other ways that I mentioned so just keep that in mind are we eating regularly giving ourselves an opportunity to get enough sleep do we need to make an appointment to see our doctor maybe get a physical maybe finally get that ache pain itching
her throat looked at and taken care of maybe we need to prioritize taking a day off walking around our town connecting with people right what does self-care look like for you it doesn't have to be expensive or take a ton of time it can if we wanted to but consider maybe even share in the comments some ways that you take care of yourself on the regular one of the ways that I do is I make time for stretching I know sounds kind of weird but it is it and I make sure that I eat every
three to four hours it's just the way that I take care of my body I also drink a lot of water that's another one and as much as possible which I'm really struggling with this lately is I make sure that I set aside enough time for sleep I try to get into bed giving myself like the eight to nine hours I know I need but what are some things you do feel free to share overall remember that healing from codependency isn't All or Nothing we are hoping to make progress little by little and slowly change
our patterns of behavior being able to do more of these things in our life is really the end goal even if it's just every other time or once every five times we encounter a trigger so do your best to be compassionate with yourself and your progress it can and will get better I promise and as always feel free to share anything that has helped you or thoughts that you have about codependency in those comments Down Below have a wonderful week thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time
