so I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out but it's like we don't even know how to be with each other anymore I know it's tough now but things will get better how do you know that what if it just gets worse and worse and worse to the point where we can't even be in the same room with each other I'm not great at the advice can I interest you in a sarcastic comment some cheese thing is don't rush into anything yeah come on think about it you're 18 okay she's 44
when you're 36 she's going to be [Music] 88 you don't think I know that look the point is there's a lot of women out there you haven't even had sex with yet yeah he's he's right he's right this is your time you know yeah you're young you're you're weird chicks dig that okay but isn't sex better when it's with one person that you really really care about yeah in a poem maybe no the man's right that's what I had with Rachel you don't have it anymore no I uh I slept with someone else okay so
wait all right so how did that make things better it didn't okay so what you used to have with Rachel is what I got with Alice now what what what is that like it's so cool man it's so it's just cuz being with her is so much better than like not being with her why can't I find that don't ask me I had an I blew it well I want it you can have it I don't know maybe I can I mean maybe there's something wrong with me no it's out there man I've seen it
I got it then you hold on to it all right man all right congratulations lucky F you're Frank's best man I could help it their love is so pure well what about you huh I'm the ring bearer I just didn't want it to end this way you know maybe you didn't want it to end what do you mean you seem to really like her yeah I really do yeah but what am I going to do I mean we we both agreed it was going to be a two we thing you know no commitment Ross that
girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends asking to hear stories about you looking through Monica's photo albums I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks you think yeah you've got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport and you're sitting here in a hallway with 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat [Laughter] lip yeah you're right yeah thanks what photo album was it I don't know you and a bunch of albino kids oh my God those weren't albino kids that was computer Camp R hey kicky
what are you doing just trying to get comfortable can't sleep in my underwear well you're going to I've been thinking you know about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls are they end to end or tall like pancakes you know what I mean about how I'm always going out with all these women cuz I always figured when the right one comes along I'll be able to be a standup guy and Go the Distance you know I'm looking at my dad thinking hey you're not him you're you when they were all over you to
go into your father's pipe fitting business did you cave no no you decided to go into the out of work actor business and that wasn't easy but you did it and I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along you will have the courage and the guts to say no thanks I'm [Applause] married you really think so yeah I really do thanks CH get off listen I wanted to ask you something about marriage oh great now you're seeking me out to make jokes I mean I can see if we're all hanging out but
to come to my home no no I really want to know how you feel about it why Mike doesn't ever want to get married never never wow well you still going to move in with him well I want to but I just wanted you to tell me that marriage really isn't that big a deal you know that I won't I won't be missing out on anything that marriage stinks yeah marri stinks I mean if you want to see a man gain weight and a woman Stop Shaving get him married that's not how you really feel
is it no I'm sorry look I I know it's not what you want to hear right now but I can't help it I I love marriage seriously you divorce o if you have to call me a name I prefer Ross the divorcer it's just cooler look look look I know my marriages didn't exactly work out but you know I I loved being that committed to another person and Carol and I had some good times before she became a lesbian and once afterward anyway I'm I'm sorry it's okay that's how you feel but come on I
mean living together will be great I mean you guys have so much fun and you love Mike I do love Mike yeah see and you were so excited about moving in together before and you know what you should be it's a big deal yeah I guess you're right yeah thanks this helped thanks the divorcer to the rescue it's not cooler I just heard it we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy yeah we just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable yes yes unreasonable reasonable how about we
have this conversation when one of you guys gets married you have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work it's about compromise do you always like it no do you do it yes because it's not all laughing Happy Candy in the sky drinking coffee at Central Park all the time it's real life okay it's what grownups do I think he's right you guys hang out at the coffee house way too much it's just that now that they're in me it's like it's like I know them you know and and it's just not it's
not going to be easy when you know these little babies have to go away I know sweetie but it's not like you're not going to have anything you're going to have nieces and nephews in some ways that's even better yeah okay no really really PHS I mean you're not going to be the one worrying about saving for college or yelling at them when they're bad you know or deciding to put them on Rin when they just won't calm down you know you're going to be the one that they come to when they want to run
away from home and the one they talk to about sex you just get to be cool a Phoebe cool amphibi I am pretty cool oh yeah and you know what else oh my God are they going to love you they are going to love me oh thanks you guys a again a sweetie thanks oh what oh god just kidding what oh my god oh got you again you're so easy it's Sunday night and he didn't call bummer yeah right look look at you you're practically giddy no I'm genuinely sorry the mark thing didn't work out
look rich I want only good things for you wait a minute why don't you just call Mark I mean who says you have to sit here and wait for him you've got to make stuff happen yeah but you you don't want to seem too pushy honey it's not pushy he gave her his home number what he gave you his home number as in like to to his home yeah and you don't mind if I call because you only want good things for me that's right good things that that is what I said hello Mark hi
it's Rachel Green oh oh no don't you apologize yeah I'll hold he left my number at work he was going to get it but he was helping his niece with her report on the Pioneers it's so made up yeah oh my God tomorrow that no it's perfect oh God thank you so much great bye I got the interview Oh yay there you go he even offered to meet me for lunch and prep me for it oh that is amazing well if I know Mark and I think I do I'd expect nothing less I got to
figure out what I'm going to wear high collar and baggy pants say I'm a pro yeah right okay I'll see you guys later you go get him what did I do to you did I hurt you in some way what why don't you call him well thank you very much you know now he's going to prep her you know prep her as in what you do before you surgically remove the boyfriend are you crazy am I am I am I out of my mind am I losing my senses this dreamy guy is taking my Girling
out for a meal Ross you know this isn't even about you I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her I mean you know even if you're right what if he wants to sleep with her does that mean he gets to no don't you trust her well yeah then get over yourself grow up you grow up I don't I don't know what's going to happen with Phoebe and David I do want a hint huh I do I do okay I'm sensing this is some kind of word play because you are pink with
barely controlled Glee David's going to propose to Phoebe what why because we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married Chandler we have talked about this you are not supposed to give people advice now couldn't you have made some sort of inappropriate joke I did a penis one just so I know what was so wrong about what I said they've only been going out for a few weeks Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike she'll say no David's heart will be broken it'll be too
hard for them to recover from and then phebe will end up alone again man that's some bad advice I've just never had a relationship with that kind of passion you know where where you have to have somebody right there in the middle of a theme park well it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line all right well see I mean Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course come on no you said we were holding up the people behind us and you didn't marry him because I mean do
you think there are people that go through life never having that kind of probably really but but you know I'll tell you something passion is way overrated yeah right it is uh eventually it kind of burns out but hopefully what you're left with is trust and security and uh well in the case of my ex-wife lesbian is hey b hey hey y' oh how' It Go um not so good he walked me to the subway and said we should do this again oh what you said we should do it again that's good right uh no
Loosely translated we should do this again means you will never see me naked since when since always it's like dating language you know like it's not you means it is you or you're such a nice guy means I'm going to be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you or or or you know um I think we should see other people means I already am and everybody knows this oh yeah cushions the blow yeah it's like when you're a kid and your parents put your dog to sleep and they tell you it went off
to live on some Farm that's funny that no because uh our parents actually did uh send our dog off to live on a farm uh Ross what hello the Milner's Farm in Connecticut the milers they had this unbelievable farm that they horses and then rabbits that he could Chase and it oh my God cheat CH Janice likes to cuddle at night which you know I'm all for but uh you know when you want to go to sleep you want some space so uh you know how do I tell her that without you know accidentally calling
her fat or something no honey I'm sorry we can't help you there cuz we're cuddly sleepers okay I'm laid for work oh all right are you guys going to come down uh yeah yeah I'll I'm right behind you okay good luck Chandler thank you Rachel bye sweetie honey okay the sleeping thing very tricky business but there is something you can do I thought you guys were cuddly sleepy no no not cuddly not me just her I'm like you I need the room okay come here okay you're in bed yeah I'm going to use the cushion
yeah okay you're in bed she's over on your side cuddling now you wait for her to drift off and then you hug her and roll her over to her side of the bed and then you roll away hug for her roll for you okay the old hug and roll y okay one question shoot you're pretending the pillow's a girl right guess what you got a job are you kidding I'm trained for nothing I was laughed at 12 interviews today and yet you're surprisingly upbeat well you would be too if you found Joan and David boots
on sale 50% off oh how well you know me they're my new I don't need a job I don't need my parents I've got great boots boots how' you pay for them a credit card and who pays for that um my father come on you can't live off your parents your whole life I know that that's why I was getting married give her a break it's hard being on your own for the first time thank you you're welcome I remember when I first came to this city I was 14 my mom had just killed herself
and my stepdad was back in prison and I got here and I didn't know anybody and I ended up living with this albino guy who was like cleaning windshields outside Port Authority and then he killed himself and then I found aroma therapy so believe me I know exactly how you feel the word you're looking for is anyway all right you ready I don't think so oh come on cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut C cut [Applause] cut Welcome to the Real World it sucks you're going to love
it so what we just sit oh no no we're not going to just sit watch Hello Chandler Bing hello Mr Bing I love you all right whoever this is stop calling me it's been 6 months it's not funny but I love you leave me alone for the love of God leave me alone and that's Wednesday hey you feeling better yeah I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me so do you have any other possibilities oh yeah well there is the possibility that I won't make rent if you want I can lend you
some money no no no cuz if I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you oh okay well then why you uh won't you borrow it from Mom and Dad you feel guilty and tense around them already you might as well make some money off of them [Applause] [Music] hi hi hi darling so what's this some of your old stuff well sweetie we have a surprise for you we're turning your room into a gym wow that is a surprise just one little question uh why not Ross's
room gosh we talked about that but your brother has so many science trophies and plaques and merit badges well we didn't want to disturb them oh God forbid you know if she you know that Stephie graph has quite a tush I'm just saying it's right there hey guys hi darling where's my grandson you didn't bring him no he's at the Carol's and Susan's today a woman in my office is a lesbian I'm just saying oh Jack look there's that house Bank commercial that cracks you up where have you been emotional hell so did they lend
you the money yet no but that's probably because I haven't asked them yet come on Monica do it hey you guys um Monica has some news um yeah so uh listen I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but um I I'm no longer at my job I I had to leave it why because they made me you were fired what are you going to do Judy Judy relax this is our little harmonica we're talking about we taught her well 10% of your paycheck where does it go in the bank the bank there you go
so she dips into her savings that's what it's there for she's going to be fine and if you need a little extra you know where to find her it anything larger back there isn't this great couldn't you just stay like this forever chanler couldn't you just stay here forever yeah here somewhere else you know where wherever are you okay yeah I'm cool casual what what are you doing well just hanging out you know having fun you know with the girl that I'm seeing casually man I knew it I knew you were going to do this
what get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking around about marriage and stuff well you you do want all that stuff right oh and you know what I want yes you want babies you have baby fever I do not have baby fever oh please you are obsessed with babies and and marriage and everything that's related to babies and and and marriage you know what I got a good idea why don't we turn the heat down on this pressure cooker you lost your mind Chandler this isn't about me this is about you and
all your weird relationship commitment crap nuh I know you okay I know the thoughts that you have in the head in your head you don't know everything did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you hm and did you know that the only baby around here is you and did you know that I can't even look at you right now yeah I did not know that it's going to be okay right I mean she's not going to leave me this is this is fixable oh yeah sure absolutely by me oh no
no no well unless you make some kind of big gesture yeah big though oh shoot the misses can I get a coffee to go I'm I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you just tell me what I need to do to make things right what well that's what we do you know I I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then you know you think I'm all cute again I'm really I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor you're going to have to figure this
one out for yourself right you know what you're too afraid to be in a real relationship and don't be in one hey how's it going did you make any new friends yeah yeah I met this woman hey whoa whoa what she like uh well she's really good in bed so I thought you going to try to be friends first well look hey it's all your fault what why because you didn't give me advice no you gave me a pickup up line as soon as I told her I wanted to you know build a foundation and
be friends first I suddenly through no fault of my own became irresistible to her and a roommate what about the closeness closeness schmess there was three of us for crying out loud [Music]
