do you hold on to things that you really don't need do you hold on to stuff that doesn't serve you that can even actually cause you some stress and anxiety even unhappiness do you hold grudges do you hold on to hurts do you keep stuff that you don't need do you maybe stay in relationships or friendships or jobs just because they're familiar things that you really know that you've kind of outgrown keep watching because i'm going to show you why you do this and even more important how to stop it so what kind of things
that people hold on to you know they hold on to everything i see clients you've got 30 years worth of stuff in their homes and i worked with somebody once he said you know my house i feel like it's put its arms around me and i can't let anything go it turned out of course that her parents died when she was young and her house had become a symbol of being her parents and so she kept everything she couldn't let anything go and it was a wonderful thing to see how she transitioned cleaned out that
house actually moved to a smaller house and became so free so we hold on to possessions like well i might need this later oh well this is the birthday card when i was 18. this is the my wedding invitations my 21st birthday invites the menu from when i got married the menu from when i gave birth to my first baby or my baby shower we keep a lot of stuff clothes books cds videos audios i actually just was in the loft of my old house and um found boxes of cassette tapes and i just took
them straight to a charity shop boxes of videos that probably no one's even going to watch them anymore why do we hold on to stuff and what else do we hold on to well it isn't just staff that's a big thing some people have so much clutter you know i've moved house in the last three years three times i gave up my london house moved to an apartment had 20 years of stuff in there then my la house flooded i had to clear it all out go into a rental go back and each time i
thought wow this is nobody needs all this stuff and i thought i was really doing well at decluttering getting rid of stuff but still seemed to accumulate so much why do we do that well one of the reasons we need stuff is because we often don't feel enough and when we come from it with i'm not enough you will always need more if you don't think you're enough you'll need more of something possessions food people around you because when you have a lot of stuff you think well i must be enough because look i've got
all of this not feeling enough is something that runs hoarding it runs being a shopaholic it runs many other things too so we hold on to things because we think the more i've got the better i feel if i've got so much stuff i must feel enough and actually the truth is actually less is more what else do we hold on do we hold on to friends well we've been francis or at school and we've been together for so long and i'm scared of letting this friendship go i don't want to hurt someone's feelings what
if i let them go and i miss them and i don't have other friends we also hold on to jobs well i don't love this job but i've been there a long time it has some benefits what if i leave and i get another job and i'm even worse off we stay in relationships one of the saddest things i see time and time again in my practice is people who say i don't love my partner but you know better the devil you know we're so comfortable they're like an old pair of slippers that i can't
throw out we're familiar we don't really have any spark but i'm scared of ending that relationship in case i don't find another one i'd rather stay with this person and be lonely and uncomfortable and risk the uncomfort of not finding anything better we also hold on to grudges we hold on to hurt some people spend a long time practicing revenge thinking of how to get back to someone who hurt them and there really is no point in doing that you know if you're in the business of revenge you need to dig two graves so we've
got to let go of grudges you've got to let go of hurts why because they hurt you holding on to something isn't good the most powerful words in the whole world are let go letting go is the very opposite of holding on so how do we let go well if you have a lot of stuff look at that stuff and really think does this give me pleasure do i use this when did i last wear these clothes when did i ask to use this kitchen equipment do i ever use it how much space is it
taking up how much my energy is taken up in in even storing this thing and who would get joy from it when i moved out of my big london house had a little wall outside and i put all my possessions on that wall and every day people would knock me hey can i have that sure that's why it's there i put bikes out there a set of golf clubs some people would knock them and go wow can i have these golf clubs of course that's why they're there i had to put a sign out saying
please take me just some people knocking on my door going hey is this really free yes it's free and you know it gave me so much joy to see people taking china taking books taking clothes taking possessions that i didn't need it gave me joy so think of who would get more joy than you who could you give that to go on next door and list your stuff i did that recently and some students came and said well thank you so much this is a table and a microwave and they were so happy to have
it and i was so happy to be free of it so list the things you don't want give them away give them to charity shops because it will give you so much back to know that someone is getting joy from something that you really don't need and you really don't use it put your possessions into three mental parts i'm keeping this because i love it i'm giving this away because i don't need it maybe i'll sell this one and i have some money to buy something that i prefer more less is more downsized get rid
of stuff so getting rid of stuff is kind of easy because there's a formula put it all out how often have i used this do i really need it is it giving me any joy can i let it go will i even miss it and if you're not sure put it away for six months you know i haven't even noticed that for six months it's time to let it go it's time to let someone else enjoy it but what do you do when you're holding onto grudges and hurts and slights well you've got to do
the same thing let them go the person that hurt you doesn't know they hurt you they don't know that you're stewing and festering of something they did or said and very few people wake up and think ugh i'm going to hurt someone today i'm going to diminish someone today i'm going to be mean and horrible that's not that normal hurt people hurt people wounded people wound people we're all flawed people i'm flawed you're flawed everyone we're together with is flawed and flawed people are what i call flossom they have flawed behavior many times i work
with clients and i say look you're not broken but your parenting was broken you're not flawed but the way you were brought up was flawed and i make them see the difference you are not flawed but you went through a floor childhood you're not broken but the way you were parented was broken and when they see the difference they have a massive shift and you can do that right now you you know you get to change twice every single day once in how you think and the second in how you act so look at the
grudges you're holding onto and decide you know what i'm gonna let this go it's really not worth it i'm gonna forgive that person not for them but for me because i will not carry that around it's like you've got a big backpack on your back weighing you down with these slights and hurts and grudges when you dump them when you let them go and you forgive the other person or decide you know what i'm just not going to give this any more energy i'm not going to allow this to take up space in my head
you benefit profoundly so look at your grudges look at your hurts take a few minutes and think okay that hurt me can i accept it can i let it go can i move on can i get over it or shall i keep it why would you keep it it's not giving you anything except stress and tension and resistance get over it let it go move on put it behind you the past is gone it's never coming back you're not going back which you are going forwards go forwards and do not take old grudges and slights
and hurts with you because there's no point they weigh you down and they define your life in a negative way let go we've all been hurt we've all been slighted we've all been treated badly at some stage and yet we all have the power to say i'm just going to leave that behind me it's like the water for the shower i love stuck it's gone why do we hold on to old friends for the same reason we think well there's some value here i've had them in my life for so long why should i let
them go nothing influences you more than the company you keep and i know when i had cancer i realized very quickly who were my friends and who weren't when i recovered i didn't really see those friends much anymore that weren't supportive that were actually negative oh my friend died of that it's really aggressive but you know i don't think i should have those people in my life because they didn't give me anything in fact they took away a lot they didn't visit me and they tried to fill my head up with negativity so i remember
that expression nothing influences you more than company you keep and i wasn't mean or rude i just stopped engaging they invited me to places i didn't go they sent me an invitation i said oh i'm not free i just stopped returning calls stopped returning invitations i removed the energy it's like you can't play tennis with someone who isn't on the court and i let those friendships go when i let them go what happened is i created new ones because nature loves a vacancy same thing in a job of course i get it that you're scared
of leaving a job that's given you security and certainty but sometimes you have to think outside the box and think i need something new and better if you're in a relationship for no other reason than it's familiar that you worry that it'll be too hard to go out there on your own that you can't afford to divide the home up rethink that you don't have to leave today or tomorrow but rethink why you're staying why you're holding and remember the most important words are not hold on they are let go in fact i found most
of my clients who held on always had constipation often had tension headaches as they were holding on literally to everything don't hold on let go here's a saying i love you cannot find new horizons while clinging to the shore if you want to be free of these behaviors that get in your way and hold you back if you want to be full of confidence and happiness and success then go ahead and think about booking a session with one of my specialist rtt therapists or indeed my specialist rtc coaches i train them all personally they're amazing
and they can help you be the you that you really want to be check out my next video here you
