a recent survey revealed that nearly one in four people feel lonely impacting over 1 billion individuals worldwide loneliness is a real problem that so many of us experience from feeling like you have no one in your corner to feeling misunderstood in a room full of people loneliness can be debilitating the late actor and comedian Robin Williams shared some wisdom about being alone in the movie World's Greatest Dad he said I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone it's not the worst thing in life is to end up with
people that make you feel alone feelings of loneliness can be hard to navigate especially when we have people around us and aren't technically alone this is where choosing Solitude comes in solitude is about the choice to be alone and find company within yourself essentially it's about putting yourself and your happiness first in solitude we learn more about ourselves until eventually we attract the right people along for the ride with us in today's video we'll be looking into what triggers us to feel alone we'll delve into the psych ology of loneliness look at the differences between
Solitude and loneliness and how we can spend more time in solitude to benefit ourselves and our future relationships first what triggers us to feel alone the biggest loneliness trigger is a catch22 this trigger is social media social media can help you stay in contact with everyone you know but at the same time it can cause you to feel extremely alone with the rise of social media we have the opportunity to be more connected than ever however we also see and process a lot more information about people than ever before on social media we see what
our friends are doing as well as others being social and often we compare our lives and ourselves with this standard posted online it can leave you feeling worthless alone and insecure it's important to remember that social media profiles often create a social illusion which doesn't reflect reality take what you see on social media with a grain of salt it's often a highlight reel or heavily edited versions of someone's life remember not to take social media seriously limit who you follow or connect with or even cut down your social media use alog together doing these things
can help reduce feelings of loneliness next the psychology of loneliness loneliness is about how connected we feel to people in the 1960s psychologist John bulby researched this connected feeling which he later called attachment as a result of hours and hours of scientific study he founded the attachment Theory based on this feeling bu's research centered around the attachment between a mother and a baby but his theory has been incredibly important in understanding relationships across all ages attachment Theory can help describe the connected feeling and attachment we feel across many of our relationships from families to friends
and even significant others like a girlfriend or spouse the attachment style you have in your relationships will inform how connected or lonely you feel there are three types of attachment style these are anxious avoidant insecure anxious attachment style those who have anxious attachment style tend to have insecure relationships with other people they could be clingy or jealous because they fear people leaving or abandoning them this Intense clinginess or jealousy will often Drive other people away and leave that person feeling like the relationship is one-sided anxious attachment can often be a vicious cycle of clinginess only
resulting in driving the people you want closest further away avoidant attachment Style those who have an avoidant attachment style are usually fiercely independent in a self-destructive way they rarely get emotionally close to people and often push people away not allowing other people close can seem like a way of protecting themselves however it results in not having many friends or relationships secure attachment style the last attachment style is the secure attachment style this attachment style is the one we should all be aiming for those with a secure attachment style will feel comfortable both in their own
company and in the company of others causing them to develop healthy and long-lasting relationships they rarely become jealous or clingy and don't feel the need to push people away now we have some background on the three main attachment Styles how does that affect how lonely we feel well according to researchers our attachment style could predict if we're more likely to feel comfortable in solitude or experience painful feelings of loneliness an insecure attachment style increases the likelihood of experiencing negative feelings of loneliness as this attachment m style is based on the fear of being alone or
people leaving avoid an attachment style can lead us to pushing people away leading to very few close relationships feelings of confusion and loneliness however if we have a more secure attachment style we're way more likely to feel content in our own company and less likely to feel lonely to experience less loneliness we need to develop a secure attachment style but Improvement pill you ask how do I develop a secure attachment style well this is where solitude comes in solitude is the act of choosing to spend time in your own company when we feel lonely we
have a negative outlook on being alone we might feel sad and experience low mood this causes us to want to spend time with other people we talk to friends or we go outside to spend time with others however going outside or spending time with people can be overwhelming or cause anxiety when we were previously feeling low especially when you've made a snap decision to do so so you go back to being alone where again you feel sad and low and the loneliness cycle just begins all over again to stop this cycle we need to feel
more secure when we're alone we need to interrupt these feelings of sadness or low mood and instead choose Solitude Solitude feels peaceful relaxing and fulfilling it's all about choosing to spend time with yourself doing a hobby reading meditating or working on self-improvement it can be anything you like but the point is you choose to do this on your own having this positive mindset about spending time with ourselves will bring security this Security will translate to secure attachment if we're happy alone and our own company confident and content we're more likely to be secure and form
healthy connections with people German philosopher Arthur shophow believed Solitude to be an opportunity for deep thought creativity and Imagination he thought our best ideas come to us when we spend time and Solitude in fact Recent research shows that when we choose Solitude and withdrawal from social interaction our levels of creativity and well-being increase this isn't a new idea many of the insights and teachings that Buddhist monks follow are based on the value of solitude monks spend long periods of time in solitude they meditate or reflect on their thoughts and experiences with the goal of Enlightenment
and inner peace to choose Solitude you have to have a positive attitude to being alone you need to be open-minded and present doing your best not to overthink or let your mind wander to negative thoughts try taking up a new creative Hobby to enjoy on your own in your Solitude you'll feel more secure in yourself you'll be more confident you'll know yourself better and anxious or avoid an attachment will be a distant memory in your confidence you'll attract like-minded people and your friendships and relationships will come from a place of enjoyment and value rather than
anxiety and insecurity in summary loneliness can be an awful and painful feeling often triggered by negative emotions or illusions on social media we can feel lonely even with multiple people around us loneliness can be due to our attachment style but having a secure attachment style is the goal as this translates to strong and healthy relationships choosing to spend intentional time alone is the way to break the loneliness cycle Solitude boosts our creativity confidence and security from this we can start adjusting our mindset and forming better connections with people stopping loneliness and choosing Solitude is a
life-changing practice if you have any tips to share leave a comment below and continue the conversation and as always stay tuned [Music]
