Welcome, welcome to the Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbear. I'm so glad that is just I just I just love hearing the positive energy from this audience because folks, it is um I got to tell you, just speaking straight from the heart here.
It's one of those news days that makes me want to just wheel out the AV cart um pop on Heated Rivalry and then uh then have to blur most of Heated Rivalry. >> And I'm sure you know why I feel that way. You probably feel the same way.
Yeah. >> Millions of Americans are shocked and horrified by yesterday's killing of US citizen and 37year-old mother of three Renee Nicole Good by an ICE agent as she attempted to drive away. It's a senseless yet entirely predictable tragedy and our hearts go out to Renee Good's loved ones, friends, and the community where it happened.
>> Yes, >> by now we've all seen the video. I'm not going to play it again, but in it, as reported by the New York Times, good appears to be turning away from a federal officer. And as reported by the Washington Post, the agent was able to move out of the way and fire at least two of the three shots from the side of the vehicle as it veered past him.
It sure looks like a federal agent gunned down an American citizen without cause in front of witnesses on a city street. But the administration is telling you that you didn't see that. They're saying you saw him respond to an act of domestic terrorism.
They're telling you to believe them and not your eyes. And they told you that immediately before there was any investigation. Secretary of Homeland Security Christine Gnome rushed out and said this.
>> It was an act of domestic terrorism. Uh what happened was our ICE officers were out in an enforcement action. Uh they got stuck in the snow because of the adverse weather that is in Minneapolis.
They were attempting to push out their vehicle and a woman attacked them and those surrounding them and attempted to run them over and ram them with her vehicle. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I couldn't hear you lying over your hat. Yesterday, uh, Minnesota Governor Tim Walls tweeted, "I've seen the video. Don't believe this propaganda machine.
And he does mean machine. I'm pretty sure Christine Gnome was the original prototype for Megan. >> And this this is not be clear.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Yesterday's deadly encounter is the ninth ice shooting since September. >> So So this feels less like an anomaly and more like a trend.
You don't watch the ninth Fast and Furious movie and say, you know, I'm beginning to get the sense that Vin Diesel really cares about family. And not only are they trying to spin this without presenting the evidence, today Minnesota investigators said the FBI has blocked them from accessing the evidence. >> So, so the message from this administration is clear.
Only they determine the truth. And when their forces come to your city, obey or die. And if you die, you clearly didn't obey.
This should be an alarm bell for the entire country, whether you live in a red state or a blue state. Because because if we let this go on, regardless of who your state voted for, one day you'll have unaccountable armed government agents acting with impunity in your town. So peacefully and nonviolently, please let your leaders know you don't want that.
Now I've got nothing else. Now I've got nothing else. I got nothing else to say on this tragedy because I don't think other people's tragedy is the best place for our jokes.
But we do have a lot of jokes about some very stupid stuff. Would you like to hear those? >> Thank God.
>> Now, while Donald Trump may be destroying civil society, his true passion is desecrating Washington architecture. He is going full steam renovating the newly renamed Donald J. Trump combination Taco Bell Pizza Hut Kennedy Center.
Trump recently announced that the theater will feature marble armrests. which is perfect for anyone who's crammed their body into a theater seat for 4 hours for lay miz and thought, "I just wish my elbows could shatter. " But wait, there's more marble because there's marble because when Trump was in Florida for the holidays, he visited a stone importer near Mara Lago to shop for marble for the new White House ballroom.
I shouldn't have to say this, but shopping for tile is not the job of a president. It's the job of a husband whose Sunday just got ruined. No, Sharon.
I I don't need to sleep in. How could I? Now that I know your mom hates the backsplash and the halfbath.
If all this makes you want to get heavily medicated, you might be in luck because Utah has become the first state to let AI prescribe medication. They're doing it by partnering with a medical tech startup Dtronic. I don't I don't really want to get health advice from a company that sounds like a band from the early 90s.
That's that's for me. That's why I stopped going to the beasty docks. Now, according to your chart, uh you can't, you won't, and you don't stop.
>> So, and let me just follow up question here. So, what you what you what you want? Now, as appealing as it sounds to hand our medical care to a teen eating disorder/spongbob pornography machine, there could be a a few drawbacks because AI systems are prone to being gamed via poetry, explains that famous stanza from Robert Frost.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, give me oxycontton. Yeah. >> Yeah.
Doesn't have to rhyme. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. >> Speaking of AI, this week was the kickoff of this year's Consumer Electronic Show.
There's so many cool new products, but the one I'm most excited about is a $5,000 smart toilet. >> Sure. But if it's so smart, why is it a toilet?
If it had gotten better grades, it could have been a bedet. But it failed French class. Why the hefty price tag?
Because this is the first toilet that can call for help. Which, if you think about it, is pretty dark. Because it definitely implies that up till now, every toilet has wanted to call for help.
Here's just what that means. When installed in a senior's home, the toilet can send messages to family members if no one has used it for more than eight hours, prompting loved ones to check in to make sure that everyone is okay. We all know that feeling when your phone buzzes at 3:00 a.
m. and you're like, either it's a booty call from my ex or a text from grandpa's toilets. Either way, either way, I'm getting in an Uber.
This technology sounds crazy, but it was actually inspired by my favorite bare naked ladies song. >> It's been 8 hours since your peep pooped. >> Of course, I'd get one of those if I had a million dollars.
Of course, this is just going to be one more reason for your elderly parents to be disappointed. How come you never pick up when my toilet calls? I told you there were some stupid stories.
Now, it's not just life-saving toilets. There's also a new robot from LG that does your laundry. Take a look.
Okay, it's receiving the towel from the executive. And whenever you're ready, Robo, buddy, there you go. And oh, okay, the door opens for him.
And don't be shy. Come on, let's go. Giddy up.
Yeah. Not there yet. Not there yet.
Getting closer. Here we go. Come on.
A little higher. And And single towel team. Yeah.
Finally. Finally, a robot that can do your laundry at the speed of your dumbest friend on his biggest edible. So instead of putting all your clothes in the machine for free like an idiot, you can now spend a lot of money to hand a single towel to another machine so that machine can put it in the first machine which frees you to go pee in your lonely toilet.
Now it's been some Now got to go together. Now I know what you're asking. You're asking Steve, are any of these new robots a form of candy?
Yes. It's called Lollipop Star. >> Lollipop Star is a lollipop where as you eat it, you start hearing the music and you enjoy music while you're enjoying the lollipop.
It uses bone conduction technology. So from the back of your mouth, you'll start to feel the different vibrations that go up into your ear. >> Pretty awesome.
And yes, it probably does work in your butt. I think right up there. Right there.
Right there. Crank it up. Now, some inventions are even more useful than a lollipop that plays ice spice directly into your mastoid bone.
Like a new device consisting of an adhesive patch containing electrodes with the goal of preventing premature ejaculation or what tech journalists have nicknamed the taint zapper. Coincidentally, also Marvel's least popular Avenger. >> Helen Mirren has got to fire her agent.
Now, here's the thing. Taint zapping is safer than it sounds. In fact, the device has already obtained an FDA clearance.
No surprise there, given the guy who oversees the FDA is himself a bundle of electrocuted grundle. We got a great show for you tonight. My guests are Tom Hston and Terry Rose when we come back.
