wait you're telling me humans don't have natural Predators Grand Admiral zix's secondary membrane flickered in disbelief as he stared at the holographic display how is that even possible every species evolves in response to environmental pressures it's basic xenobiology senior xenobiologist creit adjusted her sensory stalks a gesture that her human colleagues had learned to interpret as the equivalent of pushing up one's glasses that's not exactly accurate sir they did have predators they just she paused mandibles clicking as she searched for the right words they just sort of dealt with them dealt with them the Admirals crystallin
carapace rippled with confusion what do you mean dealt with them well sir according to their historical records they killed them all of them or at least enough of them that the remaining ones learned to stay very very far away from human settlements The Briefing room fell silent the assembled military leadership of the galactic defense Council exchanged uncomfortable glances they had called this emergency session to discuss the rapidly expanding human presence in the Galaxy but this wasn't quite what they had expected to hear but they're so squishy General VOR of the militant Hive protested his armored
exoskeleton clanking as he gestured at the anatomical diagram floating above the table no natural weapons no significant armor relatively weak compared to most Sapient species how did they manage that creit pulled up another hologram this one showing various human tools and weapons throughout history that's the thing about humans sir they're well they're sneaky bastards if you'll pardon my Standard English they didn't evolve natural weapons because they made artificial ones instead and they kept making better ones and better ones and even better ones after that she flicked through the images rapidly stone tools Spears bows Firearms
bombs and finally modern energy weapons they're basically an entire species of Engineers and improvisers give them a problem and they'll solve it usually in some completely unexpected way that makes absolutely no sense until you see it work that doesn't sound so special Admiral zix scoffed many species develop tool use with all due respect sir you're missing the point creit pulled up another set of images these showing human achievements in various Fields most species develop tools to complement their natural abilities humans they look at their natural abilities decide they're insufficient and then figure out ways to
completely circumvent them she pointed to an image of a human swimming underwater can't breathe water they build machines to let them do it anyway can't fly they build machines for that too can't survive in space well you've all seen their ships but surely they must have some limitations General vorne insisted some natural boundaries they respect cre made a sound that the assembled aliens had learned to recognize as laughter though it came out more like a series of Clicks in whistles limitations boundaries sir humans don't believe in those let me tell you about something they call
extreme sports the next hour was spent with Creed explaining in increasingly exasperated detail the various ways humans deliberately put themselves in danger for fun the military leadership grew progressively more Disturbed as they learned about activities like base jumping free climbing and deep sea cave diving so you're telling us Admiral zix said slowly that they not only conquered their natural Predators but then got bored and started inventing new ways to risk their lives exactly sir and that's not even getting into their entertainment media would you believe they have entire genres of stories about surviving against impossible
odds they call them disaster movies and survival stories they literally entertain themselves by imagining new ways they might nearly die and then figuring out how to survive them that's concerning General vorne muttered very concerning oh it gets better cre continued clearly warming to her subject you know how we all assumed they were a relatively peaceful species because they don't have natural weapons well it turns out they just channeled all that aggression into something they call Sports the Hologram changed to show various human athletic competitions they literally invented hundreds of different ways to compete with each
other without actually killing each other most of these involve throwing hitting or chasing some kind of ball but there are also ones where they just fight for fun with rules rules the Admiral's membrane flickered again they have rules for fighting oh yes very specific ones and they have different sets of rules for different types of fighting boxing wrestling mixed martial arts they turned violence into an art form complete with weight classes and scoring systems the General's mandibles clattered in what might have been appreciation that's actually quite clever a way to maintain combat Readiness while minimizing
casualties that's what we thought at first too Creed agreed but then we found out they do it primarily for entertainment they gather in huge crowds to watch other humans fight each other they place bets on the outcomes they train their young in these Combat Sports from an early age they're young the Admiral's voice Rose several octaves they train their children to fight they call it character building Creed explained along with something called team sports which are essentially simulated tribal Warfare used balls The Briefing room erupted in confused chittering and clicking as the various military leaders
tried to process this information Admiral zix raised all four of his upper appendages for silence senior xenobiologist he said carefully based on your research what would you say is the human's most dangerous characteristic creit sensory stalks waved thoughtfully their adaptability sir without question most species adapt to their environment over Generations through Evolution humans they just refuse to accept that something is impossible and keep trying different approaches until they find one that works she pulled up one final hologram this one showing human expansion across their home solar system and beyond they call it thinking outside the
box sir the problem is they don't seem to believe the Box exists in the first place so what you're saying General vorn rumbled is that we should be very very careful about how we approach them as a species oh no sir Creed clicked cheerfully I'm saying we should be absolutely terrified of them but in a good way in a good way the Admiral's membrane rippled in confusion how can Terror be good because sir they're also incredibly social creatures who place a high value on cooperation and friendship if we approach them as allies they'll probably be
thrilled they love making new friends almost as much as they love solving problems she gestured at her own research team's statistics did you know that within 6 months of first Contact human entertainment media started incorporating alien species into their stories not as enemies but as friends allies and even romantic Partners they're already imagining ways to include us in their civilization that's oddly touching the general admitted though the Romantic partner part is somewhat disturbing oh you have no idea cre muttered I've had to add three new sections to my research paper just dealing with their reproductive
flexibility ility did you know they have entire online communities dedicated to perhaps we should focus on the military implications Admiral zix interrupted hastily what's your recommendation senior xenobiologist cre sensory stocks straightened to full attention my recommendation sir Aly with them immediately because if we don't someone else will and then we'll have to deal with humans who have access to whatever interesting technology and resources that other Alliance can provide she pulled up one final image this one showing a human child's drawing of what appeared to be a stick figure writing what could only be described as
a cybernetically enhanced space Dragon because the only thing more dangerous than human solving problems is human solving problems with friends they call it collaboration and they're disturbingly good at it the Admiral stared at the child's drawing for a long moment is is that what I think it is yes sir that's from a human Elementary School class where they were asked to draw what they think the future of human alien coop operation might look like this particular child wanted to and I quote make dinosaurs come back but in space with lasers because that would be cool
and also help with space exploration The Briefing room fell silent again as the implications sank in schedule a meeting with the human diplomatic Corp Admiral zix said finally and someone find out if they've actually started working on Space dinosaurs yet because if they haven't I don't want to be the one who gives them the idea too late sir cre clicked apologetically Al they already have three research teams working on it they're calling it project Jurassic space Park the Admiral's membrane flickered one final time before he slumped in his seat humans he muttered sneaky bastards indeed
and somewhere in a research lab on earth a team of scientists looked up at their prototype genetically engineered vacuum adapted cybernetically enhanced Velociraptor and wondered if maybe just maybe they should add some lasers you know for science after all that's just what humans do they see something impossible grin and say challenge accepted and somehow some way they usually pull it off because they're humans and they're sneaky bastards you did what Admiral zix's membrane wasn't just flickering now it was practically strobing the holographic report floating above his desk showed what could only be described as organized
chaos and at the center of it all was predictably a human we may have accidentally mentioned the space Dinosaur Project to Dr Sarah Chen from the human Advanced Technologies division Creed admitted her sensory stalks drooping slightly in embarrassment in my defense sir she was very persuasive and she brought something called coffee the stimulant beverage the Admiral's carapace rippled in horror you accepted human stimulants sir have you tried coffee because once you try coffee a lot of human behavior suddenly makes much more sense the Admiral made a mental note to prohibit coffee in all future xenobiological
research facilities just tell me what what happened cre pulled up another hologram this one showing a complex series of blueprints and genetic sequences well Dr Chen thought our cybernetic enhancement proposals were in her words thinking way too small she suggested we consider something called Quantum bioengineering that's not a real thing the Admiral protested that's not even possible that's exactly what I said cre clicked excitedly and then she said and I quote hold my coffee which I've learned is a human phrase that roughly translates to watch me do something incredibly inadvisable but potentially revolutionary the Hologram
shifted to show a laboratory setup that looked like it had been designed by someone who'd read too much human science fiction and decided to make it science fact Quantum Computing arrays were interfaced with genetic sequencers while what appeared to be a modified particle accelerator was somehow involved in the DNA synthesis process Dr Chen's theory was that if we could Quantum entangle the dinosaur's genetic structure with its cybernetic enhancement ments we could create a biomechanical organism that exists in a state of quantum superposition between organic and mechanical forms the Admiral's membrane went completely still that's that's
not how anything works that's not how any of this works that's what the laws of physics said too Creed agreed cheerfully but apparently nobody told the humans that or rather they heard it and decided the laws of physics needed updating she brought up another image this one showing a a creature that seemed to flicker between organic and mechanical forms as it moved it looked like a velociraptor if Velociraptors had been designed by a committee consisting of a genetic engineer a Quantum physicist and someone who really liked robots we're calling it a Quantum Raptor Creed announced
proudly it can phase between organic and mechanical States at will which solves both the life support issues in space and the power supply problems we were having with the purely cybernetic approach the Admiral stared at the image in silence for long moment does it have lasers he asked finally dreading the answer no sir creit replied and the Admiral began to relax it has Quantum entangled plasma cannons Dr Chen said lasers were and I quote so last century the Admiral's membrane began flickering again please tell me you at least maintained proper security protocols the last thing
we need is for this technology to proliferate before we understand the implications C's sensory stalks Twisted in what the Admiral had learned to recognize has her about that gesture well sir apparently Dr Chen has a YouTube channel a what it's a human information sharing platform she's been documenting the entire project her latest video I made a Quantum dinosaur not clickbait just hit 20 million views the Admiral's membrane stopped flickering and went completely transparent a sign of utter resignation how many humans are trying to replicate the experiment current estimates suggest at at least 30 different research
teams worldwide cre admitted the good news is most of them don't have access to the quantum Computing resources necessary to succeed the bad news is a group of undergraduate students in something called MIT have started a crowdfunding campaign to build their own quantum computer specifically for this purpose and how's that going they exceeded their funding goal in 6 hours they're currently at 8,000% of their original Target apparently a lot of humans really want Quantum dinosaurs to be a thing the Admiral slumped in his chair is there any good news Well cre clicked thoughtfully Dr Chen
has agreed to head up a joint human alien research initiative to explore the Practical applications of quantum bioengineering she's very excited about the possibility of applying these principles to other species other species the Admiral's membrane flickered in alarm what other species she mentioned something about Quantum wagons being next on the list apparently there's already a waiting list of volunteers to be test pilots the Admiral stared at his xenobiologist for a long moment creit he said finally how much coffee have you had today only six cups sir or maybe seven time gets a bit fuzzy after
the fifth cup to be honest right the Admiral pulled up his communication console I'm calling an emergency session of the galactic defense Council we need to discuss implementing some sort of regulatory framework for human scientific research before they accidentally rewrite the fundamental laws of reality oh about that creit sensory stocks Twisted again Dr Chen's team may have already submitted a paper suggesting that the quantum bioengineering results indicate our current understanding of reality might need some adjustments adjustments yes sir the paper is titled Quantum bioengineering or how we learn to stop worrying and love breaking physics
it's already been accepted for publication in several prestigious journals the Admiral's membrane went completely opaque a sign of deep existential dread humans he muttered Not For the First Time sneaky coffee powered physics breaking bastards should I cancel the order for the quantum coffee maker Dr Chen recommended creit asked innocently the Admiral's membrane strobed in all known colors of alarm the what she said it makes the coffee exist in a Quantum superposition of all possible perfect Brewing State simultaneously apparently it makes one hell of a cup of joe the Admiral looked at his console then at
the quantum Raptor hologram then back at his console finally he sighed order two he said resignedly if we're going to deal with humans rewriting reality we might as well have good coffee while we do it and somewhere in a lab on Earth Dr Sarah Chen looked at her Quantum coffee maker took a sip of her perfectly Quantum brewed coffee and began sketching plans for what she called project Dragon initiative Phase 1 because that's what humans do they take impossible things add coffee in quantum physics and somehow make them work and they're still sneaky bastards Dr
Chen has what we're officially terming a situation Creed announced as she burst into the Admiral's office all four of her sensory stalks vibrating with what might have been either excitement or caffeine induced Tremors Admiral zigal didn't even look up from his Quantum brw coffee after 2 months of dealing with human Le research initiatives he developed a new protocol for handling these announcements on a scale from they've slightly bent the laws of physics to they've accidentally created a new universe how bad is it well cit's mandibles clicked rapidly a sure sign she was trying to figure
out how to phrase something diplomatically remember how the quantum Raptors could shift between organic and mechanical States yes the Admiral took another sip of his coffee savoring the way it seemed to simultaneously exist in all possible states of perfection Apparently one of them figured out how to shift into a third state we didn't know was possible Dr Chen is calling it a Quantum superposition of awesome but the more technical term is semi-sentient energy being with a dinosaur's personality coffee sprayed across the Admiral's desk in a pattern that ironically resembled the quantum probability distribution of an
excited particle they made a what cre pulled up a hologram showing what appeared to be a velociraptor made entire IR L of swirling energy currently engaged in what looked suspiciously like a game of Fetch with a group of delighted human scientists nobody's entirely sure how it happened Dr Chen thinks Rex that's what they named him was studying the quantum coffee maker and somehow internalized the principles the dinosaur studied quantum physics oh yes apparently they're quite intelligent we just didn't notice at first because they were too excited about having plasma cannons to show it but once
they got used to those they started showing an interest in the lab equipment the Admiral's membrane flickered through several colors not previously known to exist are you telling me we now have intelligent physics defying energy beings that used to be dinosaurs just the one so far Creed assured him quickly though the others are showing promising signs of quantum awareness Dr Chen has started a basic physics curriculum for them they're particularly interested in string theory String Theory the Admiral repeated flatly yes though they seem to find it a bit simplistic Rex keeps making these chirping sounds
that Dr Chen swears her attempts to explain 11-dimensional mathematics she's working on a translation algorithm the Admiral stared at his coffee for a long moment wondering if it was somehow responsible for this conversation please tell me that's the extent of the situation Creed sensory stalks did that twisting thing again well remember the quantum Dragon project oh no the good news is we've solved the power supply issues for interst Stellar travel the bad news is we're going to need to completely rewrite our understanding of dimensional physics again the Hologram changed to show what appeared to be
a dragon but one that seemed to exist in several places simultaneously while also being nowhere at all it was either the size of a small moon or a large house cat depending on which dimensional plane you observed it from we're calling it a probability Dragon Creed explained cheerfully it exists as a Quantum superposition of all possible dragons throughout the multi ierse the human test pilots are thrilled though we're still working out how to file the flight plans when the dragon technically arrives at its destination before it leaves and also exists at all points in between
simultaneously the Admiral drained his coffee cup is that legal according to our legal team the regulations don't explicitly forbid Quantum superposition based travel because nobody thought it was possible though they did note we might technically need to file flight plans in every Dimension the dragons exist in which works out to she consulted her notes approximately 10500 Dimensions give or take a few Quantum fluctuations and how are the humans handling this dimensional complexity oh they've written an app for it it's called Quantum Yuber it automatically files all the necessary paperwork across the Multiverse it's quite popular
with the probability dragons they've rated it five stars in every Dimension the Admiral's membrane went completely still the dragons are using apps now well yes Rex showed them how to use smartphones though they prefer Quantum tablets something about having trouble with touchscreens when their claws are in a probabilistic state the dinosaur taught the dragons to use technology he's very social Creed explained he started a Blog about quantum physics from a transdimensional dinosaur's perspective it's quite popular in the scientific Community though some of his equations do tend to burn through computer monitors we working on Quantum
compatible displays the Admiral reached for the coffee pot then paused this coffee isn't Quantum is it everything's Quantum if you look at it closely enough cre clicked philosophically though this batch was specially brewed by Rex he's been experimenting with using his energy form to directly manipulate Quantum States during the Brewing process he calls it dinosaur certified Quantum coffee the Admiral looked at the coffee pot with new respect and it's safe mostly there's a small chance it might give you the ability to perceive extra Dimensions but Dr Chen assures me that's perfectly normal the probability dragons
say it's quite refreshing though they prefer it with cream and parallel universe sugar parallel universe sugar yes apparently it exists in a Quantum superp position of all possible sweetness levels simultaneously the dragons find it complements the dimensionally Transcendent flavor profile of Rex's coffee the Admiral poured himself another cup figuring that at this point gaining the ability to perceive extra Dimensions might actually help him file his reports more efficiently any other situations I should know about well cre sensory stocks Twisted into What Might Have Been a Quantum knot the MIT students finished their quantum computer they're
calling it The quantum realm gaming system apparently they figured out how to use it to play something called Minecraft across multiple Dimensions simultaneously and and Rex in the probability dragons have discovered online gaming they've started a clan they're currently ranked number one in the Multiverse the Admiral took a long sip of his dinosaur certified Quantum coffee he could swear he saw the sixth Dimension out of the corner of his third eye you know what good for them if reality is going to keep breaking it might as well be entertaining that's the spirit sir cre clicked
happily oh and Dr Chen wanted me to invite you to game night the dragons are hosting a transdimensional Mario Kart tournament Rex makes excellent Quantum nachos and somewhere in the quantum realm between dimensions a velociraptor made of pure energy was teaching a probability dragon how to drift boost while simultaneously solving the unified field Theory and perfecting the art of quantum snack food because that's what happens when you combine humans coffee quantum physics and prehistoric reptiles they don't just break reality they make it more interesting and they're still sneaky bastards they're doing what now Admiral zix
T's voice reached frequencies previously thought impossible for his species though given recent events impossible had become more of a polite suggestion than an actual limitation creit now sporting what appeared to be a Quantum enhanced lab coat that shifted between various states of existence adjusted her sensory stocks the stocks the Admiral noted with resignation appeared to be decorated with tiny probability Dragon stickers well sir you know how Rex started that quantum physics Blog the one that keeps setting monitors on fire that's the one well it turns out he's gained quite a following in the academic Community
he and Dr Chen have been invited to give a keynote speech at CERN the Admiral took a long sip of his Quantum coffee which today tasted like Enlightenment with hints of parallel universe cinnamon that actually seems relatively normal by recent standards oh I should clarify Creed clicked excitedly they're not just giving a speech they're doing a practical demonstration with the Large Hadron Collider coffee achieved quantum tunneling through the Admiral's respiratory system they're giving a Quantum Raptor access to the most powerful particle accelerator on Earth actually they're giving all the quantum Raptors access to it and
the probability Dragons It's become something of a group project the Hologram display activated showing what appeared to be a conference room at CERN a velociraptor made of pure energy was enthusiastically explaining something to a crowd of fascinated physicists while several probability dragons hovered in various Quantum states around the room the equations floating in the air seem to exist in at least 17 Dimensions is that is that Dragon playing Candy Crush the Admiral asked squinting at one particular corner of the Hologram oh no sir that's Dr Chen's new Quantum gaming project the dragons are beta testing
it it's called Candy Crush Quantum Saga like regular Candy Crush but the candies exist in all possible flavors simultaneously until you match them at which point they collapse into a single quantum state of deliciousness and this relates to the Large Hadron Collider how exactly well that's the exciting part creats mandibles clicked rapidly Rex has developed a theory about using the collider to create what he calls a Quantum arcade a space where gaming and particle physics intersect the probability dragons are particularly excited about the possibility of playing Mario Kart with actual Quantum tunneling the Admiral's membrane
flickered in what might have been fear or Fascination are you telling me they want to turn the most advanced scientific instrument on earth into a gaming system not exactly sir they want to turn it into a Quantum gaming system that also happens to unlock the secrets of the universe Rex calls it maximizing efficiency through multi-dimensional multitasking and CERN agreed to this after Rex explained his theories using interpretive dance and Quantum Light shows they practically begged him to do it though I think the quantum coffee bar he set up in their break room might have helped
convince them the Hologram shifted to show the Large Hadron Collider where probability Dragons Were now weaving in and out of the particle beam tunnels apparently helping to recalibrate the equipment several Quantum Raptors were explaining Advanced physics to bewildered technicians while Dr Chen appeared to be installing Gaming controllers that looked suspiciously Advanced should we be concerned the Admiral asked watching a probability Dragon phase through several walls while carrying what appeared to be a Quantum enhanced PlayStation oh no sir they've taken all necessary safety precautions the worst that could happen is they might accidentally create a few
pocket universes but Rex assures me those are quite stable as long as you remember to water them regularly water them yes apparently pocket universes need maintenance the probability dragons have been quite helpful with that they've developed a Quantum gardening app it's quite popular in the Multiverse the Admiral stared at his coffee again wondering if it was responsible for this conversation making a strange sort of sense so just to be clear we have Quantum dinosaurs and probability Dragons using the Large Hadron Collider to create a combination gaming system and Universal knowledge repository while simultaneously maintaining a
garden of pocket universes and running a coffee shop Creed added helpfully Rex's Quantum brew has become quite famous in the physics Community he's thinking of franchising across multiple dimensions of course he is the Admiral's membrane rippled resignedly any other surprises I should know about well cre sensory stalks did that twisting thing again remember those MIT students the ones who built the quantum computer for gaming yes they've been collaborating with Rex on something they're calling project Universe Sandbox literal Edition it's like their Quantum gaming system but instead of playing games across Dimensions they're creating actual sandbox
universes for testing physics experiments and and they've discovered that our might technically be running on what appears to be a very Advanced Quantum gaming engine Rex is very excited about the implications he's already planning a TED Talk titled are we living in someone's Minecraft server a Quantum perspective the Admiral took another long sip of his Quantum coffee he could swear it tasted like the color blue square divided by Infinity you know what at this point that would explain a lot that's what Dr Chen said she and Rex are already working on what they call Universal
mod support they think they might be able to patch in some quality of life improvements for our Dimension such as better wi-fi coverage mostly the probability dragons are tired of losing their connection when they phase between Dimensions during Mario Kart tournaments and somewhere in the depths of CERN a velociraptor made of pure energy was teaching a group of quantum physics brightest Minds how to drift boost through 11 Dimensions while simultaneously proving String Theory wrong and making the perfect cup of coffee because that's what happens when you combine human Ingenuity with quantum-enhanced Prehistoric reptiles and probability
dragons they don't just reshape reality they make sure it has good Wi-Fi and excellent coffee and they're still sneaky bastards to be continued because somewhere in the Multiverse this story is actually a quantum physics textbook
