a couple weeks ago I opened up about some anxiety that I've been facing it wasn't easy to talk about it it never is but it helped a lot this anxiety that I felt was unlike anything I had experienced in the past previously I always thought of anxiety as over worrying overwhelm overthinking it's the moments when you do have control it's manageable but it's really unpleasant it sucks but this recent bout with anxiety was completely different the symptoms hit me like a brick wall it started with vertigo then I lost the ability to maintain focus and
I lost all drive to do anything the reaction was so physical that initially I thought I was allergic to my new apartment maybe it was the paint used during the renovation or the chemicals used to clean the apartment afterwards you want to know the last thing that you want to hear while you're experiencing anxiety your carbon monoxide detector at 3 a.m. in the morning it turned out to be a false alarm but over the next few days I questioned whether that was true at one point I looked up the symptoms of low-level carbon monoxide exposure
and it was dull headaches dizziness nausea shortness of breath confusion basically everything I was experiencing I convinced myself that this was the cause of my distress I was so sure of it that even though we already had three alarms in our home I ran out to Home Depot to get a device that could measure the precise amount of carbon monoxide in our apartment I was certain that this was it it wasn't at that moment I was simultaneously relieved that my apartment was fine and unsettled that my mental health was not the days went on each
night as I went to bed I hope things would go back to normal at the next morning they didn't at least not right away after visiting my doctor there were explanations for perhaps why my anxiety had increased recently it could have been a sinus infection allergies could have played a part it almost certainly had to do with the move and a lot of the ships in my personal life lately as well as the pressure I put on myself with work but understanding the reasons didn't really seemed to help me overcome it and understanding the type
of anxiety I had didn't seem to help either whether it was health anxiety adjustment anxiety generalized anxiety or one of the many other types of anxieties used to label this condition that didn't seem to help either and in this video I don't come to you with all the answers I simply want to talk about what worked for me and my own personal experience going through it and the title of the video doesn't suggest that there are literally 21 steps to overcome anxiety rather it's the idea that when you're in this position you will do absolutely
anything to feel normal again to feel like yourself again and that's exactly what I did from the very beginning I took it as my full-time job to find the fix I tried to take control as much as I possibly could I took vitamins i journaled I meditated when I felt like I could I exercised to get my heart rate up then I panicked because my heart rate went up I read old books that have helped me in the past like the art of possibility I remember feeling calm while reading the book it was a temporary
relief but it helped me shift my perspective and then I read new books to try to understand anxiety this one was recommended by someone in the comments and it helped out a lot so thank you for that I learned about what Claire weeks called second fear when it comes to anxiety the first fear comes reflexively and then another fear compounds on top of it it's that here it is oh my god I have anxiety again is this ever gonna go away fear it's a downward spiral that digs you deeper and deeper into a hole knowing
that made a difference I rebuilt my routines drank more water went to the gym as much as I could in my obsessive search for control I learned that there were some things that I could control and others that I couldn't and if I was ever going to overcome this thing it was going to come letting go I spent a lot of time lying on the ground I don't know why but it just felt better down there as the symptoms came in waves I took notice I didn't fight it or pretend like they didn't exist I
simply accepted it I told Natalie how I was feeling and that I was scared she was there to support me and to listen and I talked to my friend Caroline about her experience with anxiety we shared stories it felt good to talk with somebody who'd been experiencing a similar thing but you feel like it's on the other side of a pane of glass like you can't reach it I got back to work even if it was for an hour each day to start I sought out the moments when you're so lost in your work that
it's impossible to worry about the future oh and I danced I danced first thing in the morning I don't care how corny this sounds it helped me control my emotional state which influenced my mental state it was my way of saying I don't care what you're doing mind I don't care what your agenda is I'm going to overpower you with my amazing dance moves and make no mistake they were amazing what got me through it was the belief that things would get better I desperately wanted to feel like myself again I wanted to feel normal
again but I knew that if I put this intense pressure on myself I'd never get through it after all that was one of the reasons that led me to this place to begin with so I had to continually step off the pressure step off the gas and let myself give myself the time to get better it's so easy to give in to that second fear to worry about the fact that you haven't been productive in weeks to worry that you'll never be healthy again never be like yourself again and so instead of giving in to
that second fear I decided to accept to live with that word everyday to continue to remind myself to look myself in the mirror and just say accept and then things did get better it didn't happen all at once the symptoms came and they went and each time they did I didn't judge myself for it I simply saw it I accepted it and I work through it now I don't have shitty days as much as I have shitty moments I try not to be hard on myself for not being perfect and I understand that I still
have a lot to learn I consider myself lucky lucky to have gotten through this largely over the course of a month when I know that there are people who deal with this for years lucky to know what I'm capable of and to know that I have a support system there for me family and friends who were there to call on and talk to when I needed them most and knowing that they will be there in the future means the world to me so if you have anxiety or depression right now if you're working through something
just know that you can get through this and whether it takes 21 steps or 200 steps that doesn't matter what matters is that you continue to take each step forward to move through it thanks for watching and I'll see you next time before I let you go real quick I know that there are a lot more people out there struggling much more than I have so I wanted to take this as an opportunity to hopefully encourage you guys to make a contribution to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention they're doing amazing work in terms of
research education and helping those who are at risk if you guys go there and said skip your cup of coffee for the day make a little contribution it's going to go a long way and help a lot of people thanks so much and I'll see you again
