How to Speak so People Remember You | Yasir Khan | TEDxCentreville Chicopee Youth

[Music] When you speak, do people remember you? Are you memorable or are you forgettable? And why is it important to be memorable in the first place?

You see, when I started off my career as a public speaking coach, I once delivered a presentation in front of 200 people on how to overcome their anxiety when it comes to public speaking. I had these 17 wellressearched methods that I wanted to share. So on the day, I show up, I deliver the presentation, I hear a round of applause, and afterwards this one person comes running up to me and he says, "Yasser, oh my god, I'm about to speak right after you.

I am terrified of public speaking. Thank you so much for talking about that. So, in that moment, I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

Well, I'm glad you listened to my talk. Afterwards, I go get some coffee. I come back.

I sit in the audience and I watch as he steps on stage. He steps on stage and he has notes in his hands. He begins talking.

And as he's talking, I can visibly see the notes shaking in his hands. He continues talking. He's reading from the notes.

He's mumbling and he's tumbling. His words can't quite get out. And if you were there next to me in the audience, you would have felt this sinking feeling in your stomach.

Moments later, he's reading and he hits this one word that he can't quite pronounce. And you would have seen him put his clicker down and walk off stage. you would have heard this loud gasp in the audience because we didn't know what happened.

So afterwards I found him and I asked him, "Hey, why did you run off stage? You weren't done with the presentation. " And he looks at me and he says, "I didn't know what to do, Yaser.

I was so nervous I had to leave. " And I'm looking at him thinking, "You were in my presentation where I talked about the 17 ways to overcome your fear of public speaking. You came up to me.

Why didn't you just use one technique I shared? And then he said something to me that fundamentally changed my career. He said, "I couldn't remember.

I couldn't remember. " You're telling me 10 minutes after I finished my hour-long presentation, he couldn't remember a single thing enough to implement it when he needed it most. And that's when I learned an important lesson.

It's not what you say, it's what they remember. It's not what you say, it's what they remember. I wanted to be valuable.

I wanted to pack as much information as possible. But what I didn't realize is you cannot be valuable if you are not memorable. People cannot follow what they forget.

Now, I wish my presentation was the only example of this, but I'm sure you've been in a presentation, a class, a conversation, maybe even a date with the next day, you can barely remember anything. Isn't that tragic? A complete waste of time and effort.

So, if you trust me with the next 15 minutes of your time, you're going to learn five ways that when you speak, people remember. When you're on stage, when you're in an interview, when you're speaking in conversation, people remember what you said. And you can remember all five of these things with one single word.

And that word is share. I recommend you write this down. It's important.

S H A R E. Five elements. So, let's dig into it.

The S in share is stand out. Do you stand out when you speak? Because in your day-to-day conversations, you'll hear the same questions, talk about the same topics, but generally your response will also be the same.

And when everything is the exact same, it tells our brain, hey, this is not really important. We don't have to remember this. But if something sticks out, if it stands out, you remember.

So here's an example. I was once checking in at a hotel. I meet the receptionist and she asked me a simple question.

She asked, "How are you doing today? " To which I said, "Good. Check me in.

" I move to the side. A riveting conversation. Then the person behind me wearing this cowboy hat, he steps up front and she asks him the same exact question.

How are you doing today? He looks up at her and says, "Absolutely phenomenal. " And if you were there and you looked at the receptionist's face, you would have seen her completely light up and she said, "Wow, what did you have for breakfast today?

" Now, all of a sudden, they're having a conversation. Now, you might be thinking, "Okay, well, this sounds like an insignificant conversation. " And you're right, it was.

But why do I still remember it? It's been 12 years. I remember it because it stood out.

It was just a little bit different. So, think about your day-to-day conversations. Can you say something a little bit different that stands out so people remember?

So, the S in share is stand out. The H in share is highlight what's important. Highlight what's important.

Have you ever listened to a story a friend of yours is telling you and they've been talking for 18 minutes and you're wondering what is your point? What are you trying to say? Have you ever seen a presentation that has 10 bullet points and 85 slides and you're thinking what am I supposed to remember?

Well, I've been guilty of delivering this presentation. I once did it in front of 90 executives and afterwards this one executive comes up to me and he looked like a like an Indian Harrison Ford with a mustache. I don't know why that's important, but go with me here.

He came up to me and he says, "I have one question about your presentation. " I said, "Sure. If someone invited you to their home for dinner, would you go empty-handed?

" I'm thinking, "What what the heck is this guy talking about? Did you listen to my presentation? " "No, I wouldn't go empty-handed.

I'd take a box of chocolates or something. " He said, "Okay, would you take the box just like that? " I said, "No, I wrap it in gift wrap and make it look nice and then I take it.

" "Okay, you take the gift wrap, you take the gift and you give it to them. What do they do with it? " I said, "They open it and they eat the chocolates.

" He said, "Okay, and what do they do with the gift wrap? " I said, "Toss it in the trash. " And then he looked at me dead in the eye and said, "And that's what I did with your presentation.

I tossed it in the trash because you gave me the slides, the information, the fluff, but you did not tell me what was important. You gave me the gift wrap, not the gift. Now, I'm thinking, this guy's never been invited to dinner before, and I certainly not going to do that either.

But he was right. How often do we share information and throw information that no one remembers? So when you speak, highlight what's important.

Literally tell people, "Hey, this is important. Pay attention. What I'm about to say is important.

Write this down. Tell them what to look for. " Because people don't remember what you say.

They remember what you want them to remember. So say it in a way that they remember. So the H in share is highlight what's important.

The A in share is address them when you speak. When something is about you, you're a lot more likely to remember it. If I was talking about the tax rates in Japan right now, you would think, "What does this have to do with me?

" And your brain would discard it. But if something is about you, you're more likely to remember it. So, here's an example.

I once went into a networking event. I didn't know anyone, so I took a friend of mine, charismatic guy. him and I walk in together and if you were there with me and you looked over at him in about 15 minutes, you would have seen about eight people around him.

Mind you, he didn't know anyone as he stepped in. So, I'm looking over at him thinking, "What kind of voodoo is this guy pulling? How are so many people gravitating towards him?

" So, I lean over to him and I notice he's saying this one phrase to everyone. And the moment he says it, their ears perk up and they remember him. He was speaking to this one woman and as she's talking, he says, "You know what I noticed about you?

You know what I noticed about you? " The moment he said that, her face lit up and she said, "What? You're such an articulate speaker.

You must be a lawyer. " and she smiles and says, "No, I just work in insurance, but that's the first time I've heard that. " And every single time he would do that, he would get the same reaction.

And the funny thing is half the time he was wrong. But people were curious why he thought that about them. And it reminded me of the Dale Carnegie quote who said, "The one thing people like more than talking about themselves is hearing about themselves.

So when you speak, can you address them? Can you use the word you and make it about them? If it's relevant to them, then they're going to pay attention.

So the A in share is address them. The R in share is to be repeatable. What does it mean to be repeatable?

If I have a conversation with you, if I listen to you, can I remember it enough to repeat it in my head and then possibly repeat it to other people? Can I share it? When you watch a good movie, you can share the entire plot with someone else because you remember it and you can repeat it.

I used to work as a recruiter. It was my job to call people and see if they were a good fit for the job and then forward their application to the hiring manager. I was asked to look for an event organizer.

So I interviewed many people and one person, let's call him Sam, I'm interviewing him and he has the least amount of experience of anyone I'm speaking to. As I'm speaking to him, I ask him a typical interview question. What made you apply for the role?

to which he said, "Yaser, I started working at events with my uncle when I was a kid and I loved doing it, but very quickly I climbed the ceiling of my role in my country and there wasn't much else I could do for it. So I knew that I wanted to take the next step in my career, but I wanted to work for a company that prioritizes or organization sustainability and be focused on the environment. So, I did all the research around the world and I found your organization.

So, I worked with an immigration consultant. I came all the way out here and this is the only job that I've applied for. Now, I'm thinking, you put all of your eggs in my basket.

You better hope I put you forward. But lucky for him, he gave me a story that I could remember and repeat. So, when I went to the hiring manager, I said, "Hey, I spoke to five people and they had this experience.

the certification, this many years of experience. But Sam told me this about why he applied. What do you think?

The hiring manager heard the story. She said, "Bring him in. " And sure enough, he got hired.

Now, I'm not saying if you tell a story, you'll get the job. But if you're remembered, you're more likely to be considered because people remember what you said. So, how can you be repeated?

You can be repeated using stories, phrases, analogies, and metaphors. They're easy to remember and easy to repeat. It's not what you say, it's what they remember.

So the R in share is to be repeatable. Be someone who people can listen to and repeat. The E and the last element of share is emotion.

Do people feel anything when they listen to you? Because if they feel it, they believe it. If they feel it, they believe it.

You ever had someone apologize to you, but you didn't sound sincere? They said, "I'm sorry," but you didn't feel the emotion? If they feel it, they believe it.

I'll take you back to when I was a kid. I was invited to a costume birthday party, and everyone had to dress up as their favorite cartoon character. So, I dressed up as Bugs Bunny.

I show up on the day, and it just so happens that the girl that I have a crush on, she's there as well. As soon as I walk into the room, she sees me and she says, "Of course you're Bugs Bunny. " When she says that, I feel so warm and fuzzy inside because I'm thinking, "Wow, she must like me.

How did she know this about me? This is amazing. " So, I asked her, "How did you know I was going to dress up as Bugs Bunny?

" And in front of everyone, she looks at me and she says, "Because of your two large, ugly front teeth. Decades later, I still remember how that felt. I still remember how it felt like a dagger through my heart.

And if you were there with me, if you were my friend, if you saw any picture of me from that point on in my life, you would have seen my mouth closed because I was ashamed of opening my mouth. She made me feel emotion in that moment. One single sentence can do that to you if it's laced with emotion.

So when you speak, can you not speak like that? Can you inspire people? Can you motivate people?

Can you get them to feel excited? Do they feel anything when you speak? Because if they feel it, they believe it.

So speak with emotion. Emotion is the E in share. So why should you implement any of this?

And what's an example of this? Many years later after this event, I'm a young man with low self-esteem. I walk into a grocery store like usual.

I'm at the cashier and she's scanning my groceries and I didn't know at the time, but she was about to ask me a question that would completely change my life. She asked me, "How would you like to pay? " To which I said, "Credit card, please.

" She looks up at me, locks her eyes to mine, and says, "Huh, you've got a good voice. " and she continues scanning my groceries. Now, I go home and I'm thinking, "Wow, she said I have a good voice.

Do I have a good voice? How long have I had a good voice for? Should I be talking more?

Should I open my mouth? Should I do more presentations? " And all these years later, I now have the privilege of speaking to you here.

I'm a professional public speaker and I coach some of the most successful CEOs and leaders in the world. But I can trace all of that back to those five words that woman said to me in that grocery store. She changed my life with five words because when she spoke, what she said stood out.

She highlighted what was important. She addressed me. She said something that was repeatable.

Do I have a good voice? And she made me feel emotion. All five elements with five words.

So, let me ask you this. What if every single time you were in a presentation, a conversation, people remember what you say? What if you're in a job interview or you're meeting your soulmate for the first time, they remember what you say.

What if you are raising your kids, giving them advice on how to chase their dreams and stay away from the dangers in life? They remember what you say. Wouldn't that be a skill worth having?

I hope I've made the case that it is because I believe that you have been put on this planet to be valuable to the people around you and you cannot be valuable if you are not memorable. People cannot follow what they forget. So if you forget every single thing that I have said so far, just remember this.

It's not what you say, it's what they remember. I'll say it one more time. It's not what you say, it's what they remember.

Thank you so much.