you want to do what now Captain Zyer antenna twitched in disbelief nuke it from orbit replied Lieutenant Sarah Chen with a shrug it's the only way to be sure the Galactic Federation briefing room fell silent six pairs of alien eyes and one set of photo receptors stared at the lone human in their midst but but that's excessive sputtered Commander blorp his gelatinous form quivering with indignation we're talking about a single reian battle cruiser surely your primitive projectile weapons would suffice Sarah rolled her eyes primitive please we retired those rust buckets centuries ago keep up jell
shot if blorp had bones he'd be clutching his pearls right about now instead he just sort of jiggled disapprovingly look Sarah continued I get it you guys are all about Precision strikes and minimal collateral damage but sometimes you got to go big or go home and I for one am not keen on explaining to Earth command why we let a reian warship slip through our fingers Captain Z Syer mandibles clicked thoughtfully but Lieutenant Chen the amount of Firepower you're suggesting it's it's Overkill Sarah finished with a grin welcome to humanity cap Overkill is our middle
name right after hold my beer and just before watch this the alien crew exchanged worried glances they'd heard stories about humans of course the species that had clawed its way to the Stars through sheer stubbornness and a frankly alarming disregard for self-preservation but this this was Next Level very well Zerg finally conceded we shall nuke it from orbit but I must protest the unnecessary destruction of a perfectly good moon in the process Sarah waved a hand dismissively moons Shoon they're like space Pebbles the Galaxy full of them besides think of the fireworks it'll be gorgeous
as the hum sauntered out of the briefing room already calling for the biggest baddest Warhead we've got the alien crew sat in stunned silence finally the ship's AI spoke up its tone dry as the Martian desert well ladies gentlemen and assorted gelatinous life forms I believe we've just witnessed what humans call Tuesday May whatever deities you believe in have mercy on our circuits and as the Galactic Federation Cruiser prepared to unleash hell upon an unsuspecting reian ship and one very unfortunate moon the stars themselves seem to hold their breath after all Humanity had arrived and
subtlety well that was so last Millennium as the Galactic Federation Cruiser heard l through space its crew scrambled to prepare for what could only be described as operation Humanity's Greatest Hits Captain ziler found Lieutenant Chen in the weapons Bay cuning softly to a warhead that was roughly the size of a small asteroid Lieutenant Ziller chittered nervously are you talking to the bomb Sarah patted the gleaming metal casing affectionately just giving her a pep talk cap this Baby's about to have her big debut and I want her to feel special zil's compound eyes blinked rapidly in
succession you you name your weapons of mass destruction of course we do Sarah replied with a grin this lovely lady is Lucille say hello Lucille the Warhead unsurprisingly remained silent she's shy Sarah stage whispered zeil RG made a mental note to request a transfer to a nice quiet sector of space preferably one devoid of humans and their unsettling habits as they approached the reian battle Cruiser's last known coordinates the ship's AI chimed in targets acquired one reian vessel and one soon to be X Moon as requested shall I compose a eulogy for the celestial body
we're about to obliterate or would that be too sentimental nah Sarah replied cracking her Knuckles just put on some music something with a good beat ooh how about Don't Stop Me Now by Queen as Freddy Mercury's voice filled the ship Sarah turned to the bewildered alien crew all right folks who wants to do the honors silence no takers fine more fun for me she approached the launch controls wiggling her fingers dramatically Eeny Meeny MINI BOOM with a theatrical flourish Sarah slammed her hand down on the launch button Lucille streaked away from the ship a blazing
Comet of Destruction hurtling towards its unsuspecting targets the crew watched in awe and horror as the Warhead detonated turning the moon and the unfortunately positioned rexan ship into a spectacular light show that would have made the Fourth of July weep With Envy as debris rained across the the star system Sarah leaned back A Satisfied smile on her face now that's what I call a grand finale commander blorp who had been uncharacteristically quiet finally found his voice was was that really necessary Sarah Shrugged probably not but it sure was fun as the human high-fived a reluctant
crew member leaving a handprint in their gelatinous body Captain ziger turned to his second in command send a message to Galactic command he whispered tell them tell them the humans have arrived and may the cosmos have mercy on us all somewhere in the vast expanse of space the reans received the message loud and clear don't mess with the crazy primates from Earth they don't just think outside the box they nuke the box from orbit along with any unfortunate moons that happened to be in the blast radius and as for Humanity well they were just getting
started after all there were still so many moons left to explode so many aliens to terrify and so many opportunities to prove that in the face of Cosmic Horrors Sometimes the best defense is a batshit crazy offense the Galaxy would never be the same again and honestly that was probably for the best things were getting a bit dull anyway the dust had barely settled from their spectacular Moon busting Escapade when alarms blared throughout the ship red lights flashed bathing the crew in an ominous glow what now groaned Captain Zer his antenna drooping with fatigue please
tell me we didn't accidentally declare war on another species the ship's AI chimed in its voice dripping with artificial sarcasm oh no nothing that mundane it appears we've stumbled into a spatial anomaly congratulations crew we've discovered a wormhole Sarah's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning a wormhole hot damn that's like the cosmos's version of a slip and slide Commander blorp gurgled nervously Lieutenant Chen please tell me you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting oh I'm suggesting it all right Sarah grinned already punching coordinates into the navigation system we're going in Captain
ziller's mandibles clicked an alarm absolutely not we have no idea where it leads it could deposit Us in the heart of a sun or worse in the middle of a Galactic Federation budget meeting where's your sense of adventure cap Sarah challenged her fingers hovering over the Wormhole entry sequence besides think of the scientific discoveries the glory the bragging rights at the next Intergalactic Tavern trivia night before anyone could stop her Sarah initiated the sequence the ship lurched forward plunging into the swirling Vortex of SpaceTime What followed was a psychedelic light show that would have made
the 1960s jealous the crew experienced colors that shouldn't exist tasted sounds and briefly understood the meaning of life though they forgot it immediately after when they emerged on the other side gasping and disoriented they found themselves face to face with another Galactic Federation ship oh no Sarah mumbled her enthusiasm dampened for the first time please don't tell me we just time traveled the communications panel crackled to life and a familiar voice filled the bridge unidentified vessel this is captain zilberg of the Galactic Federation State your wait a minute is that me the crew turned to
their Zyer then back to the screen showing an identical albeit slightly younger version of their Captain Sarah cleared her throat well folks it looks like we've stumbled into a time travel Paradox don't suppose anyone brought a universal remote with a rewind button has both versions of Captain zixer stared at each other in shocked silence Commander blorp finally lost it that's it I Quit I'm going back to my home planet to become a gelatinous accountant like my mother always wanted Sarah patted the quivering alien sympathetically there there blorp look on the bright side at least we
didn't end up inside a sun the ship's AI interjected its tone suspiciously cheerful actually if my calculations are correct we have approximately 37 minutes before this region of space is engulfed by a supernova isn't temporal mechanics fun as chaos erupted on both ships with past Zurg demanding explanations and present ziur considering a career change to something less stressful like professional lava surfing Sarah calmly made her way back to the weapons Bay where are you going Ziller called after her sarahk voice drifted back filled with Unholy Glee to wake up Lucille's sister Lola if we're going
to go out we might as well go out with a bang who's up for turning a supernova into a a super duper Nova as both Crews scrambled to deal with the impending Cosmic disaster and the headache inducing implications of their temporal mishap one thing became crystal clear the universe simply wasn't ready for Humanity's special brand of problem solving but ready or not here they came armed with nukes horrible puns and a blatant disregard for the laws of physics the cosmos would never be the same again and somewhere in the vast expanse of SpaceTime the anthropomorphic
personification of common sense threw up its hands and went on an extended vacation it had a feeling its services wouldn't be needed for quite some time as Sarah returned to the bridge lovingly cradling a warhead that could charitably be described as excessive both versions of Captain zeler were engaged in an existential argument if you're really me from the Future Past Zerg chittered then why don't I remember any of this happening present zel's antenni twitched in irritation because it hasn't happened to you yet you overgrown Gra grasshopper who are you calling a grasshopper you you older
grasshopper Sarah cleared her throat ladies gentlemen and assorted arthropods as riveting as this Jerry Springer episode is we've got about 20 minutes before we're all Stardust any ideas the ship's AI chimed in I've been running simulations and I've good news and bad news the good news is we can potentially use the Wormhole to escape the bad news is the gravitational forces of the Supernova will likely cause it to collapse in ax proximately 18 minutes commander blorp who had been stress eating emergency rations burbled unhappily so we're doomed either way fantastic I knew I should have
taken that job at the gelatinous cube Factory not necessarily Sarah mused a dangerous glint in her eye what if we use Lola here to nudge the Supernova along a collective gasp echoed through both ships you want to detonate a thermonuclear Warhead inside a star that's about to go supernova past zorg's mandibles clicked in disbelief yep Sarah beamed it's like popping a pimple but on a cosmic scale present zeler buried his face in his appendages I'm beginning to understand why the reans were so eager to attack us here's the plan Sarah continued ignoring the aliens growing
despair we'll launch Lola into the star triggering an early detonation the resulting shock wave should Propel both our ships Through the Wormhole before it collapses it's simple physics that's not how physics works both zergs shouted in unison maybe not your physics Sarah winked but human physics operates on a strict hold my beer principal as the crew scrambled to prepare for Sarah's insane plan the ship's AI decided it was time for some mood music the opening riffs of The Final Countdown blared through the speakers really Sarah raised an eyebrow if we're going to attempt The Impossible
we might as well have an appropriately dramatic soundtrack the AI replied smugly with seconds to spare Sarah launched Lola Into the Heart of the soon toe Supernova the star swelled glowing with unnatural brightness before exploding in a dazzling display of cosmic fireworks the shock wave hit both ships like a Celestial fist sending them tumbling Through the Wormhole in a blur of impossible colors and mind-bending physics when they finally emerged everyone was alive if slightly scrambled past Z seer's ship found itself back where it started with the captain vowing to avoid any and all contact with
humans for the next decade as for Sarah and her crew they materialized in orbit around Earth just in time to witness a rather peculiar sight a lieutenant Chen present Ziller said weakly correct me if I'm wrong but I don't recall Earth having two moons Sarah stared at the unexpected Celestial body then burst out laughing oh man past us is going to be so confused when they discover that as the implications of their time traveling Moon creating adventur sank in the crew realized they had some explaining to do to Galactic command a lot of explaining so
Sarah clapped her hands together who wants to help me write the mission report I'm thinking of calling it that time we accidentally created the moon your welcome Earth Commander blorp finally regaining his composure gurgled resignedly you know what why not it can't possibly be Stranger Than what actually happened and as the ship descended towards Earth leaving a very confused astronomical community in its wake one thing became abundantly clear the universe had better brace itself because if this was what humans called a routine Mission Heaven Help everyone when they decided to really push the boundaries somewhere
in the depths of space the laws of physics huddled together whimpering softly they had a feeling their orderly existence was about to get a lot more interesting as the shock wave propelled both ships Through the Wormhole reality itself seemed to hiccup the crew experienced what could only be described as existence smoothie a jumbled mess of Sensations memory and Quantum improbabilities Sarah could have sworn she briefly lived an entire lifetime as a sentient toaster on a planet made of bread commander blorp on the other hand found himself yearning for a pair of legs he'd never had
Captain ziler simply tasted the color purple and decided he'd had quite enough of SpaceTime Shenanigans thank you very much when they finally popped back into normal space or what passed for normal these days everyone took a moment to ensure they were in fact themselves and had the correct number of Limbs and weren't safe suddenly photosynthetic status report barked present Zyer trying to regain some semblance of control the ship's AI sounding slightly dazed responded all systems operational Captain though I think I've developed a strange craving for electron soup is that normal for an AI about as
normal as anything else today Sarah quipped stretching as if she'd just woken up from a particularly wild nap so where and when are we as if in answer the view screen flickered to life revealing a familiar Blue Marble hanging in space Earth home sweet home but something was off uh Lieutenant Chen pres Ziller said weakly correct me if I'm wrong but I don't recall Earth having two moons sure enough alongside the familiar lunar companion a second smaller Moon orbited their home planet it gleamed with an oddly familiar metallic Sheen Sarah stared at the unexpected Celestial
body then burst out laughing oh man past us is going to be so confused when they discover that past us Commander blorp gurgled his gelatinous form still wobbling from their interdimensional jaunt what do you mean oh oh no realization dawned on the crew like a slow motion train wreck they hadn't just survived a supernova in a trip through a wormhole they'd somehow managed to create Earth's second moon in the process well Sarah grinned I always wanted to leave my mark on History though I was thinking more along the lines of a statue or maybe a
really cool catchphrase this works too I guess Captain ziller's antenna twitched spasmodically this is this is I don't even have words for what this is I believe the human term is Fubar Captain the AI helpfully supplied not helping Ziller chittered as the implications of their time traveling Moon creating Adventure sank in the crew realized they had some explaining to do to Galactic command a lot of explaining Sarah clapped her hands together eyes gleaming with Mischief so who wants to help me write the mission report I'm thinking of calling it that time we accidentally created the
moon you're welcome Earth Commander blorp finally regaining his composure gurgled resignedly you know what why not it can't possibly be Stranger Than what actually happened that's the spirit blorp Sarah beamed slapping him on what she hoped was his back wek make a human out of you yet please don't blorp whimpered as they prepared to descend towards Earth leaving a very confused astronomical community in their wake the ship's calm system suddenly crackled to life unidentified vessel a Stern voice boomed this is Earth Defense command you have entered restricted space identify yourself immediately or face the consequences
Sarah's grin if possible grew even wider oh this is going to be fun Hey cap think they'll believe us if we tell them we're time traveling Moon delivery services before captain ziler could formulate a response that didn't involve screaming internally Sarah had already opened a channel Earth Defense command this is Lieutenant Sarah Chen of the Galactic Federation we come in peace bearing gifts of lunar proportions also you might want to update your Star Charts you've got a new moon courtesy of yours truly you're welcome as stunned silence filled the Cals broken only by what sounded
suspiciously like someone choking on their coffee the crew braced themselves for what promised to be the most interesting debriefing in the history of space exploration somewhere in the depths of space the laws of physics huddled together whimpering softly they had a feeling their orderly existence was about to get a lot more interesting after all if one human could accidentally create a moon imagine what Humanity as a whole could do once they really put their minds to it the universe it seemed was not ready for Humanity's unique brand of chaos but ready or not here they
came armed with nukes horrible puns and a blatant disregard for Cosmic impossibilities as for Sarah and her alien crew they were just getting started after all there were still so many paradoxes to create so many laws of nature to break and so many opportunities to prove that in the face of an indifferent Universe Sometimes the best approach was to be so spectacularly ridiculously human that the cosmos itself threw up its metaphorical hands and said fine you win this round and when they would one impossible feat at a time
