[Music] [Music] welcome back to session number six we're literally halfway in this journey can you believe we have gotten this far isn't it amazing if you have been doing the exercises then you're probably starting to feel more comfortable using the skills you're learning remember practice practice practice that is really the secret that is going to make this stick i'm curious have you noticed the difference already in your approach for creating dusting changing others i'd like for you to answer that question for yourself but i'm sure many of you are feeling like almost like neo in
the matrix do you remember the movie where he starts seeing things in slow motion well that's really what you start experiencing i mean you start seeing you know these patterns of people asking questions and people just making comments without asking questions you really connect with people's leverage you really see how people interrupt their patterns well today we're gonna continue moving forward and adding more tools to your belt we're now in step four of the seven master steps of creating lasting change define the problem in solvable terms After you begin to do step one understand and
appreciate a person's world step two obtain leverage and step three interrupt the pattern you've now got to break a problem or challenge down to something that can be solved and achieved so a person can find a new and better way to meet the needs they value most people often trap themselves by making their problem much bigger than it really is or by defining their challenge in unresolvable terms in other words they may feel stuck or paralyzed by their problems the story they have built in their own mind sometimes our mind comes up with this creative
tricks to build this impossible challenges or impossible things to resolve they are either so big that they are unable to target the change or they use language and beliefs that trigger certainty that change is impossible so the key is to redefine the problem in a way that can be solved let me give you a very simple example i many times talk with my clients about the distinction between being a victim or a player the victim is a typical person that thinks that things happen to them oh my boss is too hard on me oh they
didn't give me the promotion all these clients are unpredictable or we cannot predict with this macro context while the players the person always sees himself at the center stage of the story the player would say it's not that clients are unpredictable is that i haven't yet found a way to predict my client's behaviors it's not that my boss is really hard to deal with is that i haven't yet found a way to interact with my boss More effectively that's a player while the victim thinks that things happen to them the player sees himself at the
center stage of the story and that's the starting point in order for him to be able to drive action towards a change there's a phrase that i really love that says if you don't see yourself as part of the problem you won't see yourself as part of the solution so victim who suits you in the short term because it's really tempting it's offering you innocence that eventually works against you because it makes you completely powerless in this session we're gonna focus on two skills to help you be a master at defining the problem in a
way that's solvable the first skill is looking at and identifying patterns to be a master at pattern recognition in this skill tony is going to help you be aware of the importance of patterns and how to look for them in order to help others when defining the problem in solvable terms you need to look at the patterns that could be the root or cause of the problem remember we talked about the six human needs and a person's model of the world those are patterns when you go to define the problem in a way that's solvable
you need to look at the person's patterns maybe it's one of their beliefs from their map like a rule or value that is the source of the problem or it's a pattern of how they're meeting one of their needs being able to identify and change a disempowering pattern is a lot easier than focusing on changing a general problem when you define a problem you want to be able to set the person up to win by identifying a problem in easy Solvable terms the second skill tony will teach you is what we call the elements of
evaluation many problems are a result of the decisions we are making or have made and more specifically the way we are making those decisions tony will go through the process of how we make decisions and then help you understand the different ways we evaluate anything going on around us and how those evaluations may be the cause of our problems in fact the problem may simply be making a shift in how we evaluate something after all aren't evaluations just another type of pattern i certainly think so all right we have a lot of great skills to
learn today in this session so let's get started [Music] what you got to understand is pattern recognition is power when you can recognize a pattern you can save an immense amount of time when you recognize a pattern you can predict things when you recognize a pattern you're able to anticipate and let me tell you something anticipation is the competitive edge in life when you can anticipate what's going to happen before it occurs it gives you an immense advantage in anything sports business relationship life yourself understanding yourself and so a good deal of what you're really
going to be doing is really pattern recognition for example knowing those six human needs is amazing pattern recognition Because what it allows you to do is take unlimited amount of stimuli unlimited amount of data and information and people's facial expressions things they say to you and things they'll do there's unlimited amount that come at you but you can filter it all know that all really just means one of six things that is immense power because it frees you up that's how i can go on a date with destiny i have all these different countries there
people speak in different languages and some people that are psychotic and some people that are you know totally successful all in the same room have them stand up no matter what they do i know i can handle it because i know all i got to know is the targets and i already know them all i got to do is see which ones are kind of missing for them right now all i got to know what's preventing them and there's only three things and all i know is how to change them there's just seven doesn't matter
what they say what they do now how to go about it is nice because i have unlimited ways to go about it but ultimately it only comes down to those three things that took me years to figure that out now you can start out there by pattern recognition that gives you a huge huge advantage you don't go through the pain i went through you don't have to go through all the massive lessons you wouldn't want to have to go through you don't spend all the time and energy you can come and in a short period
of time get the value of that that's pattern recognition pattern recognition is wonderful powder utilization is much better you guys start recognizing what's going on or you guys can start using what you've learned and that's my goal here is to get you to go into pattern utilization ultimately what you'll get to if you're really committed is pattern creation where you literally because you understand so much of the principles you're able to create things that produce a result and the natural steps are first to recognize the pattern then utilize it and then eventually you'll start creating
your own things because it's just natural Because we are creative beings and we understand stuff our brain finds better ways to do it now i say that to you because you wouldn't survive without pattern recognition if there was a fire right now how would you know what to do pattern recognition you know that if you're in a room there's always an exit or two because you wouldn't have gotten in without one and you know when you get that exit regardless of what language no matter where you are you know there's a way in or out
and you know there aren't that many opportunities aren't that many patterns are they how many ways is getting out what you got to do turn it one way the other up or down or push right so you don't have to freaking go oh my god you know what's the combination to this safe so i can get out of the building while it's burning you know there's only a few patterns and you recognize them now there was a time in your life when you didn't understand these patterns and you were trapped in a room when you're
very small right and even though you wanted out could you have the best of intent and total drive it's still not out of the room yes or no because you just didn't understand the pattern so what i want you to get is desire is not enough now desire tends to help you eventually find the solution but you can get very old and very wise that way so if we want to compress time when we get good at pattern recognition it is so true in everything you look at it's the advantage in sports you know one
of the best examples you know i got to go watch wayne gretzky retire watch his last game it was really emotionally moving event there at the garden in new york and to see this man he's such a good man he's been such a person who's delivered for his fans over and over and over again but here's a guy that i've told the story before he's not the biggest he's not the strongest he's not the fastest but he's the best in history and when i asked him that when i worked at the kings his response was
you know i'm not the biggest no i'm not the strongest of stuff but he said i think maybe my advantage is everybody else skates to where the puck is i skate To where the puck is going he'd see all these people coming at him at full speed he studied all of them enough that he could literally he knew they only had so many patterns this player only has so many ways to deal with the situation in his brain in milliseconds recognize the guy's face recognize the pattern and he would anticipate it and go where he's
gonna go that's how he beat everybody pattern recognition that's it my favorite example is baseball if you were to write out a phrase like to hit a baseball in the world series and the time it took you to say the word two the baseball left the pitcher's hand and passed the batter two that's all it takes it takes four tenths of a second for that baseball to leave the pitcher's hand and pass the plate now think about that not even a half second now this is one of the most difficult if not the most difficult
aspect of sports that means that a person has to from the time the ball leaves the pitcher's hand he has one tenth of a second to decide whether to swing or not one tenth of a second then he has to initiate that swing which takes two tenths of a second and he completes it in one tenth if he doesn't make the decision within one tenth of a second faster than you can say the word to choose the whole process faster than you can say that he had to decide and he decides wrong now he's going
to swing and miss or he's going to watch something that may be a strike that's the most difficult sport in the world i'll tell you why the best players on the face of the earth are wrong 70 of the time they fail 70 of the time So unless you learn how to deal with frustration and rejection and failure you can't play professional baseball you certainly will never get to that point those guys have to deal with more failure than anybody imagines can you imagine there's something in life that really mattered to you and you were
gonna fail seventy percent of the time if you were the best in history now that's incredibly hard incredibly hard so how do they succeed when they finally do it the way they succeed is pattern recognition now all this is happening so fast how does he do it the only way a professional baseball player is able to hit that ball is before the ball is released they decide whether it's going to be a curveball a slider where the case would be they can't wait till it's completely released they just prove this recently this big scientific article
about it because what they do is they know the pattern of the picture and then as the ball is just about to be released they make their decision and they're wrong 70 percent of the time if they're the best but they do that the ones that succeed can figure it out 30 of the time and that allows them to initiate and go he goes so what tony it's baseball i'm here to figure out change my life and help people and be a leader well take up the reality here think about this michael jordan is a
fairly great high eye hand coordination now michael jordan nobody is good as he is but he wouldn't play baseball how well he do he was pathetic why because he has great eye hand coordination but with something that's fixed and not moving he does not know how to deal with the ball coming at him at 100 miles an hour not knowing in a tenth of a second what it's going to be so he couldn't so he went back to what he's good at stationary object eye hand coordination he understood that one that one is well trained
he had more distinctions on that chord he sure Didn't have it on a baseball field okay so the reason i tell you this is those batters are able to anticipate are the ones that succeed and they anticipate because they recognize the pattern literally before it occurs you guys follow me on this before the ball is released now if you are successful in financial training how many of you been through wealth mastery then you know that all finances are is pattern what recognition that's all it really is and there are certain patterns that i taught you
there i'm going to teach you physically but i laid out for you there for you to go through that if you go through those patterns you will succeed financially there is no question because they're based on organizing principles that consistently work no matter what you do that is things like the bucket theory not individual investments right your asset allocation certain elements like taking that certain percentage and growing it those elements will work no matter what they allow you to anticipate what to do to get the result you want okay if you don't anticipate what's the
price massive pain disappointment frustration overwhelm so one of the things i want to talk to you about tonight is the anticipation of people all the time want to deal with what's going on with them but if you remember we talked a lot about the model of somebody's world the way they look at life so what i want to remind you of is that everybody's model of the world is based on trying to meet the same six needs right so we all want the same six needs but what makes people different is how they go about
it and how they go about it is based upon a model of the world a set of beliefs a set of principles a set of values a set of rules A bunch of things that tell them this is what you got to do in order to ring the bell and feel the pleasure and not the pain to feel significant to feel loved to feel connection get fulfilled so what determines how they do it is people have significant emotional events they had something happen that was so intense that their brain went oh my god i never
want that to happen again so they developed the model okay when in doubt keep your mouth shut okay global belief will that affect their life and the way they function yes or no why do they live by that belief because they had such significant emotional what pain or they did something really young and they got all this attention for it all this love for it and they develop a belief that says be funny right if you can find a way to be funny you get all this love everyone's got different models and within the models
there's all kinds of elements but one of the things i want you to get is if you're going to be a leader a leader has got to be able to affect people at many different levels a leader's got to be affect who first you got to lead first yourself which means you got to be able to take yourself from a state where you're overwhelmed you're tired you're frustrated you're burnt you're angry or sad whatever and you got to change how fast in a heartbeat your ability to change your state in a heartbeat is the minimum
level of mastery you got to start with okay the second level is your ability to not just change your state in the moment but to find a situation that incredibly difficult situation when you normally just don't manage your state and link it so that that situation puts you in a great state where the very thing that used to make your worst now makes you your best Where literally the trigger for pain becomes the trigger for pleasure the trigger for weakness now becomes a trigger for strength that's level two of personal mastery that's what you got
to do you got to be able to master not just really changing a moment but really if you got to always remember to change you got a problem you got to pick those situations that scare you the most and go look that tiger in the face and train that tiger so you are the tiger's master instead of the tiger mastering you you got to take some of the tiger shows up you show up at your best right you want to make it so the tiger triggers it the third level of personal mastery is when you
can create a model of the world where you don't have the tigers or you create a model of the world where you spend most of your time in the peak state most of your time when you feel centered and strong most your time when you feel fulfilled your way of looking at life gives you more fulfillment your way of looking at life things used to make you crazy now make you centered it's not just one thing it's the whole area in order to do that you're gonna have to change some of your model worlds your
belief structures your rules maybe your primary question if you remember that does this make sense so personal mastery is three levels the ability to change your state in a moment your ability to change state in an environment or context which means a situation where it automatically triggers you and ultimately your ability to live in a great state that's how you personally master yourself that level of mastery you must develop to lead right it's just like saying okay i'm going to go out there and i'm going to lead these people there they go and i must
follow quickly for i am their leader you know i'm going to provide certainty to somebody and i don't have any certainty within myself you have to Create it within yourself but the second level of mastery going beyond personal mastery is when you're able to take another individual and help them change how fast in a heartbeat that's the first level of your helping somebody else right the second level is you can help somebody else to pick the environments where their boogeymen are the environment where their tigers are and trigger it so the tiger for them makes
them stronger well you're able to do that for them and the third level is where you can help them change their way model the world so that you can find those elements that make them nuts help them to change that so now many situations all of them the majority of them are handled on a large scale okay the third level of mastery though the third major level of mastery is when you're able to do all three of these things with groups of people simultaneously so if you think about it first you got to do you
at these three levels then you got to be able to do an individual that's when you can become a coach then you got to be able to do it with groups of people that's when you can really lead that make sense okay so what you got to do you take a group of people and get a whole group of people to instantly change their way state you guys figure out how to get that rapport in connection and how to get this group of people to change on a dime the second you've got to do is
you've got to help figure out what triggers this group as a whole to go into a down state and you've got to create the environment that makes you stronger and the third thing you gotta do is figure out how to create a culture within the company within the team within the division within whatever it is you're trying to manage where the culture itself creates a model looking at the world that significantly causes the majority of those people to live in a peak state to contribute and to expand does this make Sense that's the level of
leadership we're going for now to do that does it make sense you've got to get good at pattern recognition pattern utilization at least yes or no because that's the only way you'll do it because when you got a group of people if i got to stop and look at every person and scratch my head and think through what could make it happen it'll never happen but if i know there are only so many patterns and i can recognize them i'm gretzky i can go there before they get there if you made a date with us
and you'll see me and some people how did you know how could you possibly have known this because there are only so many patterns and i've seen them all and i can anticipate i know that gives me the edge you're still trying to figure it out i know i know what they're trying to communicate before they finish you've had that experience haven't you so what we want to do is enhance that experience we want to give you that edge [Music] so as tony just said how do you get that edge as a pattern recognition master
how do you gain that ability to identify the root of a problem quickly what are patterns you can look for to create lasting change and what patterns are you noticing that could be the cause of a person's problem already you've learned a handful of patterns to look for patterns that could contribute to a person's success or a person's challenges those are the patterns of how a person is meeting their six human needs patterns in a person's model of the world or patterns in a person's triad their physiology focus and language When you can discover a
negative pattern that is the root of a problem you can then define solving the problem in a way that is achievable when you recognize a pattern you can predict things you can anticipate and you can quickly get to the source of a problem we're going to learn in our next skill set that there are also patterns of evaluating patterns in how a person is evaluating patterns in the questions a person is asking themselves or patterns of the states they go to as i mentioned earlier in the session many problems are the result of the decisions
we are making or have made and specifically the way we are making those decisions in this next session tony will explain the process of decision making and the elements of a person's system for evaluating how does someone evaluate information a situation or an issue is a person's system for evaluating causing problems for them oftentimes as you learn the state we are in or the questions we are asking ourselves could be the root of our problem what way of evaluating needs to be changed to help solve this problem and prevent similar problems in the future you
will also learn what a neural association is and how that neural association may be the link to what is causing the problem so let's bring back the big guy tony robbins [Music] Destiny is the study of consequences study and destiny is a study and consequences because if you think about it the quality of your life how it turns out is the consequence of a variety of things that have happened before if you take one action versus another action you're gonna have very different consequences in your life you're gonna have a very different life it's interesting
to see what people's beliefs are about destiny ultimately destiny is who are you gonna become and what are you gonna contribute in your lifetime because everything else is going to go away someone else is going to own your cars someone else is going to own your home because sooner or later you're going to be worm food and the only thing that's going to last is who you became that's the part that being upon your spiritual beliefs maybe you take into the next realm and if you don't have any spiritual beliefs it's the only thing people
are going to remember they're going to remember who you became and what you contributed that's the only thing you have any hope of remembering any hope of taking with you so that's your ultimate destiny who are you going to become what are you going to contribute in your lifetime which means you have a destiny up until this moment if your life ended right now you could probably define very clearly who you've become and what you've contributed or failed to contribute or fail to become so something can be measured in time not just some day when
you get there but the ultimate destiny is where you're going to end up in that area so if we're going to study consequences we're going to say what are the things we need to study to ultimately come who we want to be and contribute we want to contribute in our lifetime so when you look at that you begin to realize that everything in life has four parts to it everything has four parts and that is everything in life is a cause set in motion And for every cause there's going to be a what an effect
now if you think of thought is that a cause that emotion yes or no oh yes let's say you think about situation of like cheating on your spouse thinking about that thought does it have an effect in your body in your psyche in your belief structures in your feeling about yourself and about your identity yes or no and then for every effect if you go to that cause again if you think it more than once or you if you overeat is that a cause that emotion is it going to have an effect on your body
in that moment yes or no but if you over eat again you think that thought again you take that action again that effect builds on the last effect and it creates a direction a direction and for every direction there is an ultimate destination or destiny does that make sense so if you want to think about cause in other words for cause another word for it could be action couldn't it because when you think of thought is that an action in your body yes or no good if you do something physical is that an action yes
or no so then you could really say that our actions are shaping our destiny see well that's pretty obvious but you notice something it's not instantly affecting your destiny there's what we call here a lag time this is the good news and the bad news lag time means very simply that when you take an action there is an effect but it doesn't affect your destiny unless you take that action a few other times or it's stacked on past actions do you follow me on this in other words you don't just get to a Destiny you
have to be heading in that direction for a while to be heading that direction for a while you have to have accumulated several effects right in order to do that you had to take action on a fairly consistent basis either consciously or unconsciously in that direction so it's not like you screw up one time and your whole destiny is destroyed that's pretty rare but similarly you suddenly go on a diet and you eat well for one week you don't suddenly get the body you deserve fact actually you have the body you deserve you don't get
the body you desire isn't that true i've been eating well for two weeks now yeah but you need like a pig for 40. okay there's a little lag time between when you start doing the right thing and you get enough positive effects to create a direction that you ultimately get where you want to go that's the bad news you don't instantly get rewarded the good news is you don't actually get penalized instantly if you screw up one time here you think this thought or you do this thing and you have a negative effect it doesn't
instantly destroy your destiny you have to accumulate some critical mass before you get there just like in finances does this make sense so lag time is your friend if you understand it it also if you're doing the right thing and you're not where you want to be yet and you start to question oh my god i'm not being rewarded just remind yourself that you're in lag time and if you stop suddenly and give up you'll never get where you want to go and if you stick with it you may be right on the verge that
tipping point you know where you get the point that tipping point it just crashes over the other side you may get right where you want to be but you're giving up too soon because you gave up your faith when you're just in lag time now you might say okay tony then i got to work on my actions well yes but what shapes all actions is decisions all actions are fathered by decisions The child is not possible without the fathering of that child or the mothering of that child whichever metaphor you'd prefer but that's what makes
it that's the seed there's no such thing as an action without a decision first now the decision may be unconscious in nature but you made a decision before you took action conscious or unconscious is there so what really shapes our destiny is our what decisions how many would agree with that say i now if you think about your life and you look at the last ten years your life i'd be willing to bet you could think of decisions you made that if you made a different decision your life would be radically different better or worse
i'm not sure but radically different you agree think of some of those decisions decisions like who are you going to love who are you going to count as a friend what are you going to do for a living are you gonna have children are you gonna go to date with destiny fiji you know are you going to leave this area you're going to leave the situation are you going to begin something new are you going to start your own company you know are you going to discipline your kid here or let it go by all
those little decisions radical what you're going to eat from your dinner plate each night seems like a little decision but it accumulates into an ultimate destiny of a heart attack or the body you'd really desire or the energy you deserve you follow me on this so the decisions are what shape your destiny and what's so great about that is i know you know this intellectually this is not a new conversation but you got to get associated to that power because all change is nothing but decision you don't like your job change it you like your
business change it you don't like who you work with change it you like your relationship change it you Don't like how you feel right now change it you like your energy level change it you don't feel you're connected to god change it now you change it you make a what a real decision you don't state a preference i like to i should i try i ought to you decide you cut off any possible except the thing you're committed to and when you do that you set in motion a cause effect direction and destination or destiny
that you really want consciously instead of reacting unconsciously to the environment now why don't we do that why don't we do these things because our decisions are controlled by what we link pain and pleasure to or maybe even a more specific way of describing this is our decisions are shaped by the way we evaluate before you make a decision every one of you in this room has a system for evaluating your decisions a system for deciding is something worth it or not for deciding whether or not this would be something good or bad for your
life whether something's too expensive or just right whether it's worth the stretch or not whether you should make love or walk away whether you should marry or divorce whether you should have a child or not whether or not you should ask for the promotion or not you have a system for evaluating things and this system is more powerful than a single decision how many followers think of it as like the system itself is the hardware and the values and beliefs and elements of that system as the software so we want to look at the system
for evaluating at its base at its base at its most simple level all decisions are based on our need to avoid What or to gain what here's the problem though what happens is your brain clearly knows what to do when a situation is pleasurable it's going to move towards it and it's painful it's going to move what away from it here's where the problem happens when there's this choice to be made all right here's this choice and your brain links both pain and pleasure to it that's when your brain freaks out that's when you start
trying to figure out what to do and by the way if it links equal amounts of pain and pleasure which one will it do will it work harder to avoid this or harder to get this where will it put its priority avoiding pain because it's a survival instinct because if i have consistent pain it can means damage consistent damage equals death so in our unconscious avoiding pain is a higher priority than the desire for pleasure now we're going to make this choice what determines whether we do it or not is not the reality but what
we have learned to associate pain or pleasure to so it's all about association and by the way when your brain is trying to figure out what things mean you got to understand something anytime your brain experiences a significant amount of pain or pleasure it immediately wants to know the source of it why does it want to know the source of it when it experiences a significant amount of pain and pleasure why yeah because if it's pushable i want to get it again the brain says and if it's painful i must what avoid it i better
know what it is but does our brain always accurately come up with a real it the real cause yes or no and the reason is because the brain uses three criteria to decide what is the source Of our pain and very often it misinterprets one of these and then you spend your whole life reacting to things that aren't true and then you wonder why you're not following through you're not achieving what you want and those three elements i can demonstrate for you i use this metaphor i like it if you can imagine a baby crawling
along a countertop okay so here's this baby he's crawling along a countertop when the baby gets the edge of this countertop and looks down a little baby may is it possible the baby could step over the edge and bam splat all over the place is that possible why stupid baby good thing sir why because someone said because the baby has no what references okay so the baby goes down splat bam there we go okay here's this baby splat all over the place now if the baby survives the baby's probably gonna have a significant amount of
what pain by the way is this a significant emotional event yes or no so when the baby has this significant emotional event called pain the brain of that baby is going to go what is the source here what's the cause of this the brain is going to use several criteria the first one it's going to look for is what's unique to the situation unique is the first thing so i got pain what's unique to this moment that wasn't happening before and so the baby goes splat nobody looks around and sees green carpet there's green carpet
everywhere hmm i wasn't seeing green before i was in pain now i see green i'm in pain second criteria is what's happened Recently what's happening it's the law of recency it's called what's happening about the moment i'm having the pain about the moment i had pain the only unique thing that happened about that moment was green there was green carpet green is unique and it happened about the moment i wasn't seeing green before and i wasn't in pain so the unique recent thing was green carpet and the last thing it uses is consistency so it's
urc i think it was university robbins california whatever works for you the c is consistency when something happens consistently about the same moment you have pain that's unique your brain goes that's the source now the challenge with this is how many times has something required before it's consistent well it depends on the situation and the person's nervous system some people haven't experienced once and they go you always do that you go always one time well that's always just like some people value certainty more than others do you follow me on this some people have it
have to have 50 times before they look up in their head that these things are linked together because they may value variety more as an example or their nervous system is just wired differently so let's say the baby crashes is it possible the baby's not certain what caused the pain is that possible yes or no what if the next day the baby is crawling on this countertop gets the same spot is it possible the baby can step over the edge and crash again yes or no why really stupid baby thank you no you can't say
the baby doesn't have references the baby does have references true or false does the baby have references yes or no yes but those references are not linked to Consequences in the nervous system see many of you have done things and you said why do i do that again what am i stupid what am i sabotaging myself no what you are doing is you've never linked up you may have linked up intellectually but you've never linked up in your gut in your nervous system that doing this equals that you know intellectually doing this equals that but
you haven't done it in your nervous system so your body doesn't keep you from doing it how many follow in fact what you link is by getting a relationship why do i get relationships like this i always do this what's the matter with me am i trying to hurt myself no you've not linked in your nervous system doing that equals pain you've linked that going in relationship equals pleasure mostly so you do it anyway it's not that you're dumb it's not that you're sabotaging because you haven't linked it up you haven't linked up a urc
that's specific you haven't created what's called a neuro association so the baby will splat again now does the baby have a significant amount of pain yes or no you bet so now the baby's going what is unique and recent here look around i got pain there's green carpet again about the same time there was no pain a few moments ago and there's no green carpet and last time i was in pain there was green carpet i now know the source that's enough time i don't need more pain green carpet equals pain now will the baby
avoid green carpet yes or no the baby's gonna start screaming green starts coming around they sing green carpet they're screaming what's the matter with this baby and then one day they'll be climbing on somebody else's countertop look down and see blue carpet and splat they're gonna go down again how many followers it's not the baby's stupids they haven't Linked it up now babies are the only ones that do this how many of you have been in a relationship the relationship ended it was so painful and then you went relationships equal pain so then you avoided
relationships for a long time and then you went look at them they're having a relationship so happy is what i really want oh my god and then you got a relationship but then the minute they started doing anything that looked like your last relationship you panicked and when this is that and then you sabotage it ran from it or created a problem with it how many have done this okay it's not relationships it's not men and it's not women although many men or women will tell you that's what it is because they'll tell you their
what references like you're in somebody's form they're talking about they want a relationship but they're talking to all their friends and their friends say all the good ones are taken those are friends i'd hate to meet your enemies so other people with low standards for their life now infect yours and since they're your peers you tend to agree with them and be so careful so one of the simplest examples i can tell you is i know people like a woman one time i was talking about this in a seminar years ago a date with destiny
in toronto and when i got up this woman her eyes got this big and she goes oh my god now i understand she goes i'm going to show you something and she reached onto her hair and she yanked her hair off and it looked like her scalp came off and she was totally bald underneath and everybody's like whoa you know and she said i have been pulling out all of my hair in my head since i was nine years old and i said why and she said because when i was six my father started sexually
molesting me and he would do it every night until one time i was nine i was just freaking out So scared i ripped the patch of my hair out in front of him and he freaked out and he stopped sexually molesting me she said so then i always did was i pulled it all out so they wouldn't molest me i said well your father's still alive she knows he's been dead for 10 years i said well have you been raped since then she goes yes several times i said you wear a wig right she goes
yeah i said why she goes well because i want to be pretty this is why you pull out your hair she goes i guess because i've linked up a long time ago i pulled my hair i wouldn't get raped makes no sense whatsoever had nothing to do with it nothing to do with other men nothing to do with other relationships so we're able to break the pattern or at a woman who was an amazing artist in san francisco amazing and for two and a half years she couldn't paint one painting so i was brought in
to turn it around it became very obvious she had a great relationship the greatest relationship of her life with a man and it was the most passionate relationship of her life she never loved so much never felt so much love coming back so much your whole life the most intimacy great sensuality sexuality and one day bam overnight it ended he left her and he never explained why just listen i can't take this i have to be my own person he left so when she in a significant emotional event in pain or her brain looked for
what's unique about the situation what was unique about this relationship you know what she came up with passion there was more passion in this relationship than anywhere else and there was passion right before the pain so and consistently was passionate therefore passion equals pain so what she did is anytime she compassionate her unconscious mind would freak out and so she'd kill her passion well passion is what made her a great artist so now she couldn't paint So i said to her i said let me ask you a question does passion equal pain when you were
feeling passionate with this man were you in pain she said well no it's no stop and we really get this when you were feeling passion with this man were you in pain she said no i said you're only in pain when you were sad you're only in pain when you were angry you're only a pain when you kept thinking about a sense of loss loss equals pain frustration equals pain anger equals pain passion didn't equal pain and i watched your brain like start to process this until her eyes start jiggling you could see her make
this connection i said the truth of the matter is you don't know what end of this relationship at all you've never figured out you generalized too quickly it wasn't passion that killed it it was that he had different values than you had because he had a different vision or he had some fear that showed up had nothing to do with you whatsoever or he really wasn't in love but he didn't want to tell you because he didn't want to hurt you and finally one day he couldn't take any more he made a decision who only
knows but it wasn't passion that killed it and when we were able to change that pattern to get a link back up all of a sudden bam our passion flowed number one she started painting again six months later she's in a great relationship what happens to us is because of our pain when we create this association that's incorrect we create what's called a false neuro association a false neuro association we start linking pain the very thing that would give us pleasure and by the way when that happens will our brain avoid it even though it's
what we really need and want yes or no you bet i'll tell you what's worse is what i showed you earlier this is an example of what i call A mixed nerve association meaning you mix both pain and pleasure into the same thing it's like for a lot of men getting married for the first time they freak out you've never seen this in males it's unbelievable it's because they have mixed their associations they want the marriage for a variety of reasons they associate pleasurable things love connection whatever but they also mix lack of freedom lack
of choice lack of whatever they freak out most women culturally link more pleasure to that particular event as long as you mix no associations you're going to move two feet forward one foot back or two feet back and one foot forward and you're not going to ever be able to resolve things and you're going to call yourself a sabotager you're not sabotaging you just have mixed emotions you have mixed neural associations so what i want to show you now is this is a simplistic view i want to show you what controls all your decisions is
pain and pleasure but you have a system for arriving in your head as to whether it equals pain or pleasure it's not as simple as i just showed you in most cases some things are right like if i said to many of you okay this afternoon's program is skydiving who's coming raise your hand okay who's not coming okay and you guys i want you on the edge you could go either way okay the either ways have mixed associations right the ones i'm in have what link to it quick and the ones there's no way i
got pain linked to it you guys follow me if i ask you a more complex decision that requires many evaluations then you're going to make decisions differently now by the way all the people said they'd go wouldn't go for the same reasons some People go because they want an adventure some people go because they want out of class some people go because they want to be able to tell other people about the significant thing they did some people go for the variety some people go because they know if they don't other people are going to
judge them see while you may make the same decision as another person you'll decide in a different way based on your system so i now want to show your system because i'm going to give you the overview this so you understand it okay you're going to know how yours runs because i'm going to show you kind of the hardware then how you run that hardware is based on what you put in it the input you put into it and we're going to find out how you drive it and then we're going to show you to
change it and it will change everything because it will change all your decisions not by working on your decisions but working on the source of your decisions and that's where you have lifelong change does that make sense so now let's look at the process of evaluation because as we said destiny is shaped by decisions but decisions are shaped consistently by your system of evaluating so why don't you jot down a few notes first write down this the quality of my life is the quality of my evaluations the quality of my life is the quality of
my evaluations what does that mean ultimately your life is not driven by what happens to you it's driven by the decisions you make right it's not the events of your life it's your decisions but your decisions are controlled by the way you evaluate so write this down superior evaluations create a superior life superior Evaluations create a superior life if you look at anyone in the world who is superior at anything to you the reason they're superior is they have superior evaluation capability in that area specifically you meet somebody who's better at investing trading that person
is superior in evaluating what to invest in and what not to and at what time isn't that true they have a system for evaluating investments that's better than yours if somebody's better at singing it's not that they're so much more talented is that they have a superior way of evaluating with their ear and with their body what needs to be done in order to produce the kinds of sounds that will impact people at the level they desire somebody's superior and dancing they have superior evaluations about what movements what timing what tension will produce the result
that they want somebody's got a great relationship you don't they're superior to evaluating how to deal with the upsets the frustrations the loves the opportunities in a relationship than you do does that mean that they are smarter than you are yes or no no it means they're better at evaluating things and so if you want to superior life you got to develop superior evaluations so in any context that exists in humanity where anyone is outstanding at anything all you have to adopt is some of their tools for evaluation you can massively improve the quality of
your life massively and so i'm constantly studying not only what people do but why they do it what's their system for evaluating it that's what gives me power in the context that i enter in in business for example and that's what i want you to have in any context that you desire so to do That you have to understand that there are elements to evaluation and the first element that affects how we evaluate things is the most important one and the reason we talk about it and we do it is because it is the seminal
or foundational element that affects the way you think feel and make decisions and that is the state you are in the state you're in because the state you're in determines how you evaluate when you are worried do you make the same evaluations the same decisions as when you were feeling totally confident yes or no absolutely not when you're feeling loving versus angry do you make different decisions yes or no so the number one thing that's going to shape all evaluations is the state you're in is the single most important thing that's going to affect the
way you evaluate in life that's why i said to you a decision made from fear is almost always the wrong decision right now they're being exceptions to all things a decision made from fear where it's a fight or flight an emergency that's probably the right decision but in relationship in business and values and in life a decision made from fear is usually the wrong decision because it's a decision based on reaction when you don't have to react there are a few places where you have to react survival that's about it so state massively affects the
way we evaluate things massively and change the state change the way you make decisions the second element was the form of a question and that is the questions that you ask powerfully shape all your decisions now what is the number of variety of questions you could ask yourself how many different questions could you Ask yourself it's infinite but do you ask yourself an infinite diversity of questions do you think yes or no no has been shown that the average human being has roughly 65 000 thoughts a day that they can document the only problem is
that the next day you have roughly 95 percent of the same 65 000 thoughts as you did the day before because human beings are creatures of habit and a pattern because patterns provide the ability to make decisions quickly we don't have to think everything through so we tend to do the same things again and again we keep using the same system what you're going to discover is that you have habitual questions you ask a lot you ask them most often and they shape you in fact one of the most valuable distinctions i've ever made for
myself or anybody else is called the primary question out of all the questions you ask there is one singular question that control your life how could a question control your life well think about it what determines how you feel two primary things the way you use your what physiology and also what you focus on now what you focus on can affect your physiology also can it so the truth of the matter is based upon your life experience when we talked about model the world you have certain significant emotional events in life based on those significant
emotional events you learn how to meet your needs at some level in order to do that you developed a primary question that causes you to constantly focus for those things that will keep you out of the ultimate pain and get you towards the ultimate pleasure based on what you think ultimate pain and pleasure is in your life The challenge is most of you are not even aware of what this question is consciously and it totally controls your thoughts every moment you're alive the reason i came up with this is because i kept thinking about there
are people that change their values they change their rules and they have changes but then they revert back and one reason is they didn't condition it that makes sense right but i began to think maybe there's something that overrides all this and it is your primary question so for some people their primary question in life is what's wrong with me well it doesn't matter how much good they do it doesn't matter how much success they have doesn't matter how many people love them ask and you shall what so if you ask a lousy question you
get a lousy what it doesn't matter what it is so this person is always feel screwed up even though there's nothing wrong with it or somebody asks questions like you know how can i get people to love me what is the presupposition in that question they don't love you so no matter what they do they're always rushing around trying to please everybody all the time you know that kind of personality is that question that's driving it when we change the question we change the focus of your life when you change the questions that you ask
consistently you change the system of living that you experience do you also want to look at the questions you ask day to day you have some predictable questions you ask in your relationship some of you keep asking like will this last and by the way if you keep asking that question we can predict that's a cause that emotion does it have an effect on your relationship does it have an effect on you emotionally does that accumulate and start to create a direction and does that direction have a predictable destination or destiny you bet it does
some of you say did i settle Am i really with the right person you ask those kinds of questions you got pain other people say how do they get so lucky to get you why did god make me so fortunate to find you now those questions when you keep asking those do those put a cause in motion do they have an effect do they create a destination of a great relationship you bet so questions are an incredibly powerful lever for shifting the entire quality of any aspect of your life in your business same thing they're
habitual questions so i want you to notice questions carry with them beliefs and the problem is most of you don't realize that see if you say how long has it been since you beat your wife there's a little presupposition in there right and here's how the brain works the brain's like the ultimate computer whatever you ask it's got to come up with an answer so even if there isn't an answer it'll manufacture one it'll come up with some shading or reference for it so when you come along and you say what's wrong with me the
brain doesn't ever stop and say wait a second is there anything wrong with me it just answers the question you give it and it assumes you know what you're talking about so it finds some reference to meet it that's why you got to be so careful the questions you ask and most of us are completely unconscious in our questions and worse we ask the same questions again and again therefore we keep focusing on the same things therefore we keep feeling the same things therefore we keep reacting the same way therefore we go into the same
loop and then other people react to whatever is we've done and vice versa and we follow this by the way why questions these are the really great questions these are known as endless lube questions because it's like i remember one time this guy earlier in my career i went to denver colorado i had a promoter that hired me to come in and do a seminar And i did five firewalks in a row every night because in those days i did the whole firewalk i didn't just teach it but there was one lane i was the
front i put you in state i walked with you i sprayed your feet i came back to the next person it was pretty intense i did the whole thing there were no cops there's another part of the process to make that work so i did this thing for five days and then i did this weekend seminar was huge success and then out of that i did amazing meeting nbc covered me abc had a huge huge coverage on a national scale and then i was supposed to come back like 10 weeks later to another program people
are excited to bring their friends and everything else and two weeks from i'm supposed to go there i heard there was like tons of people signed up the promoter calls me up and says uh we don't have enough people to put the event on they're saying what i've heard all these peoples no they just haven't followed through they all talked about going but they're not going through it so he cancels the event with me which is pretty devastating for me at that point in my career was really beginning of my career it was like 24.
two weeks later i'm doing a seminar somewhere else and somebody comes in and tells me the night before they were in denver attending my seminar but the guy that was promoting me his son did my seminar they tape recorded the whole thing he memorized it word for word but here's the kicker he got up and in those days during the firewalk i would tell my personal story and within it i did embedded commands for certainty within people so they when they went to walk on the fire they wouldn't get hurt he burned a bunch of
people and stuff right so there's this big controversy but he told my story as his life his son the man's son is the one doing the speaking so he sat back there while his son lied and did my seminar my whole evening seminar word For word including my story and i went berserk they owed me like 150 000 which is a lot of money for me back then and it's like he cheated me out of 150 grand he did the summer without me and they told the participants that i didn't show up so they were
moving ahead with the seminar right i went nuts are they insane and i whip myself in this i must ask 20 questions of why why why why would they ever do this why how could they these are questions i could not answer because i never would you follow that have you ever done that with yourself how could this person do this why do they do you won't figure it out because you never would so of course you can't answer so all you do is stir yourself up more and more upset plus you want to get
overwhelmed here's the secret ask lots of questions way faster than you can answer them i mean why do they do this what's the matter with them how could they possibly do this your brain goes i haven't even answered the first question shut up but you keep going and pretty soon your brains are overwhelming funny you're just angry all right how many can relate to this am i the only human who does this i don't think so okay so what happens is i finally had to break it so then i said okay i need some empowering
questions so i ask questions like okay what's great about this my brain went nothing so what could be great about this if i wanted something great i thought well what's great is at least he's using my stuff and i'm cracking myself up i said what's funny about this i thought what's funny about this is this guy is getting up telling my story and people know it you know this is ridiculous you know and then i asked a really good question will this even matter 10 years from now that was the question that changed me well
does it even matter 10 years from now Won't matter two weeks from now because i have this belief my belief is you never say to yourself someday we'll look back and laugh about this you know because you're so mad i think why wait you know let's look back and laugh now you know so if you ask better questions and my favorite questions like what can i learn from this what's great from this what's funny about this what's ridiculous about this will this even matter 10 years from now 20 years from now those questions will get
you out of a lousy state so better questions give a better answer you want better answers for your life gotta ask better questions that's what you got to do so questions of the second part of evaluations so now let's see what you've learned let's see if we can put this in action welcome back we've learned a lot of great skills today so let's take a minute and look at how we can take this information as leaders and use it tony just shared with us the destiny is ultimately the result of the actions we take and
the decisions we are making we also learn two elements of how someone filters their evaluations through the state they're in and the questions they ask when helping someone create lasting change and defining their problem in solvable terms we need to be listening for their evaluation process noticing the state they're in and the questions they're asking themselves how they're making decisions and any neural associations they may have linked up that could be causing them pain if we can help a person see that their model of evaluation may be what's causing their problem We can then define
it in a way that can be solved let me give you a personal example of this do you remember the ceo i told you about who decided to fire his right hand man well let me tell you what happened next he started building a story in his mind where he felt that he could not develop any close rapport anymore with any of his direct reports the story in his mind was something like okay i cannot build any personal connection because that's a source of potential pain however the real problem was not building personal connection with
his employees it was the way he was evaluating the situation what was giving him pain he had associated all these negative feelings towards his direct reports and through the stories he was building in his mind he was creating a very disempowering situation for himself and let me tell you he's still dealing with this we're working together to help him become more aware that it's not about the potential future pain of needing to fire someone else again but it's about the value of the personal connection that he can build and that he should build with his
direct reports in order to maximize their ability to fulfill the mission and their successful vision of the firm as you can see once we're able to define the problem in a way that's solvable we will be ready to move on to the next step creating new empowering alternatives which you'll learn more about in the next session but i think you've had enough to think about today right it was a pretty long session so i think You deserve some rest so let me give your assignment before we wrap up for today's assignment i want you to
think of a challenge either you are having or ideally talk to someone else about a problem they are having as you listen to what's going on or reflect or journal about your own challenge i want you to look at what the root of the problem is and to define it in a way that can be solved so go out now and do your assignment and have fun with it we'll join tony again tomorrow for step five of the seven masters steps creating new empowering alternatives [Music] you
