feeling anxious when setting new year goals | overcoming fear of failure [matcha talks w tam ep.4]

hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of matcha talks with Tam today we have part four and I'm sure you're probably wondering what the am I holding in my arms this is my new kitty and her name is matcha so I thought it would just be amazing to introduce her to the YouTube fam on a matcha talks episode of course if you want to learn more about this cutie then head over to my Vlog Channel because I did a whole Vlog introducing her her breed everything about her and I always post it on my

Instagram Snapchat which are also linked Below in the description but let's get into the juice of the video today we're going to be talking all about setting New Year's goals specifically for the people that feel a little bit nervous and a little bit stressed out at the thought of setting them [Music] throughout my life whenever I've asked somebody so what are your news resolutions what are the goals for next year the amount of times I've heard people say I'm not going to set any goals and I ask okay why to wish they always respond there's

just no point in me setting any goals because then if I set them and I don't achieve them I'm just just going to feel bad about myself and that upsets me so much because that mindset is holding so many people back from truly living their best lives not to make goal setting and productivity like the be all and end all of our life's purpose cuz it absolutely is not I'm just talking about the fact that you are holding yourself back from so much satisfaction and fulfillment because you're not setting goals goals do not need to

be this big fancy huge thing like getting married moving country starting a new job starting a business I don't care about any of that it's about making promises to yourself and then showing up for yourself to fulfill them not only does that give you a confidence boost it also grows such a strong relationship that you'll end up having with yourself and it's also a literal Act of self-love why wouldn't you want to be able to do that favor for yourself so we're going to be breaking down a bunch of mindset shifts to help you feel

more comfortable and confident and ready to set all of your 2025 goals I've got my matcha ha I'm super cozy if you're new here and you don't know what Ma your dogs with Tam is it's just a cozy little series I do where it's a little bit more informal you know all of my other YouTube videos are very like structured very go go go very fastpaced here we're just here to have a chat right I want you to grab a tea a matcha I'm actually drinking jeny matcha it's my all-time favorite I've spoken about this

for so long so I actually asked them to give me a discount code you can use jeny tam10 at checkout to get money off your own jeny powder or kit or anything you want off their website the link is also in the description along with all of my other links in the description my book my newletter all of my socials where I upload daily along with my new new guided Journal which is called obsessed with growth I'm not going to spend too much time speaking about it right now but all I'm saying is check it

out because it is going to be your best friend throughout the new year right before we get into it I want to give a big thank you to the paid partner of this video better help an online therapy service that can take your self-care to the next level super easily from the comfort of your own home you can have your therapy sessions as a phone call a video call or even messaging better help is all about making sure that they are meeting your needs and doing whatever is the most comfortable form of their repeat for

you all you have to do is fill out a few questions on their questionnaire to assess your specific needs and then you will get matched with a therapist that is best suited to you in 48 hours or less in most cases and if the therapist you're first matched with doesn't quite feel like the right fit which is super common drawing therapy bed help makes this process so easy because it's online they will let you change therapist at no extra cost I've actually been using better help for the last two months now I've done several sessions

and me and my therapist have been making me so much progam if you've been watching my Vlog Channel then you'll know that I've been talking about what I've been learning in each of my sessions it's been really nice as somebody who's super busy and violences so much to be able to just open my laptop and make sure I'm doing the best favor for myself cuz I wanted to make sure that I was kind of talking to an actual expert a professional to make sure I wasn't doing anything that was self-sabotaging myself or leaving certain parts

of myself unhealed that I wasn't even consciously aware of and that's why I'm a huge out of cut the therapy because no matter how long you've been on yourself velopment journey I for one have been on this journey for many years I think it's still your responsibility to seek out professional help to take your selfcare journey truly to the next level and for that reason I actually have a special discount for you also you can all try online therapy with better help you can go to better help.com b/ tanor to get 10% off your first

month of therapy with better help I highly recommend you just consider it and try it out if you really want to take that next step guys she's so cute I can't even a deal okay anyways straight into the video by funking this feir around setting your goals for the new year first of all setting goals having dreams having a hope for where you want to be is supposed to be scary you know why because the brain and our nervous system our body only feels Fair because we are about to experience something we have never experienced

before which is what triggers the fear response within us AKA our fight or flight because our brain is like I've never been here before I can't predict the ending and it's automatically going to try and think of the worst case scenario as a coping and protective mechanism to try and keep you safe that's completely natural literally every single person on the planet has it not just you the difference is the people that also have it just choose to push past it anyway because they know it's simply a biological mechanism that our bodies have built up

through Evolution it is not there to determine whether or whether not we are able and have the ability to set goals for ourselves if setting that goal brings up these thoughts and that fear of what if this is unrealistic but what if I fail go and run towards it because you're finally doing something out of the ordinary you are finally stepping outside of the box that you've been sitting in for so long and once you step out of that zone that is where you are going to grow the most that is where you're going to

learn the most whether you fail or win is irrelevant because failure is not the opposite of success it's simply an inevitable part of it having said that I do have a slightly opposite perspective which is that your goals don't always necessarily have to be this big huge massive thing what I mean by this is the common excuse I hear from people that don't want to S me resolutions is yeah but you know if I don't achieve them at the end of the year then I'm going to feel bad about myself and this and that which

indicates to me that there's a sense and perspective of like impossibility with each goal that they are setting where it's like well that seems really Out Of Reach but the truth is it does it need to be while I completely agree with what I said at first which is you should be setting things are outside of your comfort zone if you want to grow at the same time if that's not necessarily your goal in life or your concern I still highly recommend you set the tiniest of goals because whether a goal is big or small

is completely irrelevant because at the end of the day you are still going to experience the same level of satisfaction accomplishment and therefore confidence when you achieve either goal the size of it absolutely does not matter because guess what you told yourself you were going to do something and then you followed through and you did it if you want to take it a step further 100% always choose the big goal but if you were just starting out on this journey I am telling you telling yourself I need to make this amount of money this year

I need to open these amount of businesses I need to get married I need to get in a relationship they are big and they are scary and they are huge expectations and pressures to put on yourself but instead let's think about it on a smaller scale let's say in the New Year your goal is to go to the gym once a week that's it you don't have to go every day you don't even have to go for an hour but just go once a week go once a month that in itself creates such a huge

amount of trust within yourself which is what starts to develop that relationship with yourself when you have trust is when you are able to be more motivated and disciplined within your goals and if you eventually want to work it up to develop your growth it's a great Avenue into that as well like going from going to the gym once a month to once a week is way more possible because you're starting on a much smaller scale and at the end of the day the only reason we are able to establish motivation and consistency in our

goals isn't because of we get used to it or we enjoy it because I've been going to the gym for years and I still hate it I will never be a gym Cy the reason we go is because we know how good it makes us feel once we've done it and there's so much magic in that because once you realize hey doing that habit I don't necessarily want to do makes me feel good makes you want to do it more but also you feel good about your ability to get it done which in turn increases

your self-esteem and I think the most common self-development question that's asked out there is how do I be more confident and people people always think confidence is a mindset to which it is slightly but I would say mindset probably makes up 30% of it 70% of confidence is action EG walking like you're confident talking like you're confident walking up to people and introducing yourself the more experience you gain is what makes you confident and by setting these little promises or these tiny little goals and just tiing them off it could be one goal the entire

year that's minuscule or one per month you're already doing a great job so really there's nothing to be scared of because how in the world is that intimidating you get to choose the scale in which you want to work at but you know what let's really dive into failure because I feel like that's the common factor that is deterring most people from wanting to set goals it links into what I've already said about self-esteem the thought and the fear of what if I do this and I try and I commit 6 months to even 12

months of the next year doing it just for it to not turn out how I wanted it to be just for it to fail just for me to have to quit on it what if everybody sees me try it on social media just for me to not get anywhere what if I tell all of the people in my life this is what I'm going to do and that I have my results to show them I completely understand every single one of these concerns I have felt each of those difficult emotions throughout my life every single

time I've tried something new or tried to set a bigger goal and truthfully I failed so many times I'm sure most of you probably only recognize my wins from social media but before I even got on social media I have a whole path of fails behind me I was failing on YouTube for 3 years consistently before I finally got to the channel that you guys all watch today and that's exactly why I'm here to say failure just isn't that deep because everybody fails all the time it could be failure to wake up early it could

be failing to be on time it could be failing to get a job failing to get good grades failing to be a good friend everybody's failing all the time because nobody can be 100% perfect at every single thing at the same time all of the time so if you're not failing at something then that probably indicates to me that there's a problem that you're simply not doing enough to meet your full potential you will simply playing it too small and too safe and not exploring just how far you could possibly go once you are failing

that is exactly when you know you are pushing the limit of yourself of your boundaries of how far you could go you are pushing yourself out of the box that you could have stayed so comfortably in and while it is a comfy cozy nice easy box it's going to make sure that you stay in the exact same place your entire life even even if you set these goals for 2025 and you fail at every single one of them guess what you still have the rest of your life to achieve them and I tell myself that

all the time one of the most common questions I get is actually about my vision board goals if you haven't seen my vision board YouTube video then definitely check it out but a lot of the questions I get is you know what if you put something on there then at the end of the year you're looking at it and you didn't achieve it what do you say to yourself and I'm going to speak really honestly right now I've been looking at my vision board this month knowing that the new year is literally about around the

corner and there's out of maybe 20 pictures I think there's like three things on there that I haven't achieved and I think okay there's a huge possibility I'm going to go into the year and I'm not going to have achieve these things but it's fine cuz I have the rest of my life and I would have rather shot Way Beyond what's realistic for me than shot too small and missed a bunch of things I could have achieved had I dreamed that big I'm so glad I failed on these things I'm so glad I missed out

on them because the opportunity to achieve them hasn't gone away but I would have sacrificed so much more if I didn't put them up there in the first space there are so many things I C on my vision board this year that I did not think I was going to do and somehow pulled out of the bik I remember I put an image of a first class flight on my vision board and I was like this probably ain't going to happen like I do not have the resources for this I don't think this is necessary

whatsoever and in my early 20s there's just no need and I it literally ended up happening everything ended up working in my favor all of the factors aligned in which I was able to take a first class fight to my dream New York trip on my own I vlogged it all by the way on my Vlog Channel if you want to see and I'm so glad I put that on that cuz I think if it wasn't I would have been so much more comfortable not to take that risk and not to spend that amount of

money which was again so scary for me but having had that one experience has largely contributed to the abundance mindset I had today with failure also I think there's this fear of feeling like a disappointment whether it be to yourself or anybody else in your life and I know that that is such a horrible feeling to have to sit with and deal with and it's exactly for that reason that you would want to stay comfortable and maybe not go down a path that could potentially lead you to huge disappointments in what your life feels like

and who you are and what other people think of you but that's exactly why we need to refrain what it means to be a disappointment just because you didn't achieve something you once hoped you would does not make you a disappointment your achievements your accomplishments how you live life the work that you do does not define your worth and your value as a person because at the end of the day life is unpredictable life is going to take us down Journeys that we could have never guessed for ourselves and I'm also a huge believer that

sometimes a lot of the times that we make plans or choices or decisions about what we want or what we think we need or what we think we're ready for a lot of the time is based around familiarity or comparison or rooted in expectation and familiarity what I'm BAS basically trying to say is there's a lot of the time where we don't even know what the best choices for ourselves are because it's only our first time living through life how are we supposed to know you and I and literally everybody else in this planet we

are just figuring that out as we go along because we don't know what's going to happen we have never lived life before and that's why it's so important to give yourself that Grace and that compassion when it comes to falling down and maybe not quite being where you want to be you're only human you're not this machine that's supposed to be on and working 24/7 always chugging out results you're supposed to stop and feel and be present and think about what you could gain from your your present experience in the journey that you're on you're

supposed to deal with the inevitable obstacles and unexpected challenges that life is definitely going to be throwing your way on the journey and you're going to have to pause throughout those moments and think if you can carry on or if you think you need to change your mindset throughout it or your actions or your decision making so it's about staying present with yourself on thatour because it's never going to be a straight road for you for me for anybody else that's just life so why in the world would that make you a disappointment you are

simply trying your best with the colors that you have been dealt and the circumstances that you have currently been given and I think you're doing a pretty damn good job goals are just a guide through life they're just a rough outline of where you want to be what you're working towards what you like what your dreams are they are not the road map to who you're supposed to become and how you're supposed to live I can't tell you the amount of times that I had set goals for myself never achieved them and now years have

pass and I look back and I'm like thank God I don't have that because now the years of my life have passed and I can kind of start to see the overwatching meaning in purpose of my life and who I'm supposed to be oh my God those things that I so desperately wanted and needed and was so hurt that I didn't get they never served any purpose they never were supposed to have any role in my life I would never be where I am now if I had them and I think sometimes the universe protects

Us in that way by taking away the things that we think that we wanted because we were simply playing ourselves too small we were simply living underneath our potential and so what links it to this is just having this overall trust for your life that things are always going to unfold in the best way possible and you should have fun on the journey so if you have this idea of I want to set a goal of setting a business do it set the goal without going down this Rabbit Hole of thinking but it to be

a success but what if I fail what am I going to tell everyone am I going to be disappointment what what are people going to think uh that is literally none of your business because none of those things that even happen yet you haven't even set the goal and you're already trying to visualize what your life is going to look like when you fail you are already preparing for a reality in which you don't even want that doesn't even make sense you're trying to prepare for what life is going to be like when you don't

get what you want let's cut that out and let's replace it with let's prepare what you're going to do and how you're going to be ready when you get every single thing you want because what a lot of people don't realize is we are manifesting 24/7 manifestation is not about manifestation rituals like the 369 method and and it's not just about Vision boarding and meditation and things like that we are manifesting with every single thought we have throughout the day and the truth is you can't control your first thought but you can control your second

thought you can look at each thought that you're getting throughout the day and think does that actually serve me is that going to get me closer to where I want to be no okay let me replace it with the thought that actually does and then we take on that thought and we use that to build our story and we use that to build our self perception I know that thinking about failure and the worst case scenario feels like you're protecting yourself and doing your future yourself a favor by kind of trying to think about all

of the possibilities but the truth is you can create any damn possibility you want and so if we are manifesting with every thought that we have it is your responsibility to yourself to think the most positive thoughts about the dream life that you want to live instead of thinking about what is going to happen if this gets taken away from me you need to be visualizing and putting yourself in the emotional energy of how you're going to feel when you get exactly what you want that is simply you doing the best able for yourself when

you are setting yourself those goals whether or whether not it happens does it really matter that's in the future that's none of your business right now but let me tell you it will contribute to better manifestation but also it's going to contribute to your vibration today and your mood today and your self-esteem today because if you start rewiring your mind to think more positive thoughts simply by making a hub out of it like I said before choosing a second thought that serves you and your needs and your future life you are always going to think

more positively about everything it's going to become a new mindset and a new habit and in turn you're going to feel so much better for it I've spoken a lot throughout this mitro talks episode about focusing more on the journey rather than the results you're going to think you're going to get from the goal because it's being results driven that makes the goal so much scarier and more intense and overwhelming which is initially what makes us fearful about setting goals right and makes us want to play it safe and what links you to this is

focus say more on progression over Perfection so instead of getting caught up in the anticipation of but when am I going to hit this goal or when am I going to be able to say that I've achieved it or when am I going to be able to take this thing off so I have to worry about it anymore let's do a quick little mindset shift and instead ask yourself how can I get better at this right now what are all of the opportunities that I can grasp and take advantage of today in this moment or

in this week or even in this month at this big goal that's going to do me better in the long run or ask yourself in 6 months how much can I improve maybe the goal you're setting for t85 is I want to heal my gut health and get clear skin and long hair and just be a fitter person while is a fabulous goal instead of focusing on what you look like and if your skin is clear yet and if you're your desired weight yet instead ask yourself how can I be my healthi self today how

can I make this more into a routine how can I find the joy and the fun in doing these healthy habits how can I make this something that energizes me and empowers me rather than drains me and punishes me how can I find a better way around this how could I possibly educate my friends and family on this to also make sure they are their healthiest most thriving best fulfilled Sals could I potentially share this on social media to also share this valuable knowledge that I have immersed myself in with other people to do service

and good onto others I'm sorry how much fun is that how much more fun does that sound than why is it my skin clear yet why do I not look like this why is this number not being shown on scales even match is working up because she's like come on guys the the choices on me is it this mindset shift is so powerful because it helps you focus on the process rather than obsessing over the outcome which is inevitably going to come anyway and it links into something I've been thinking a lot about recently which

is when we're thinking about happiness focuses on the 1% big milestone moments of life when you get married when you graduate when you get a job when you acquire a certain amount of wealth why those are all amazing things they literally only make C more per of our lives and we have the other 99% of our actual real daily mundane routine lives that we have to deal with all of the time why wouldn't you want to make them just as magical as the big moments are going to be and it's the same for setting goals

these goals take you on a journey that you wouldn't have experienced otherwise you better make that the funnest most magical thing ever because I'm telling you once you get that outcome the journey is over and then you're probably going to want something else and go on an entirely different Journey so this moment is feating this journey is only temporary there's so much to be learned there's so much to immerse yourself in it so we got to start acting like it I had just finished my match up which means we are officially nearing the end of

this match talks episode so I want to finish off by giving you guys a really important reminder on this topic which is it's so important to create your own happiness and find contentment outside of the outcome of these goals that you are setting let me start off by saying if you have already started writing your gospel 2025 you've already started thinking about New Year resolutions or even just general ideas on how you could possibly become a better version of yourself do better for yourself for other people wow so proud of you because it is the

easy comfortable thing to not do that to just stay stuck in your ways so I just want to take a quick second I mean let me just give you a quick Round of Applause without waking the C and I want you to give you a round up Applause as well because that takes courage and that takes bravery and commitment to better yourself and it's a really really hard journey but I want to remind you that while you're on this amazing journey do not associate those milestones and those goals with your inherent Worth or validation or

feeling the need to achieve something because the outcome of whatever goals you are setting should simply be a cherry on top of the already beautiful and fulfilling and amazing life that you were living because that's what you were creating every single day because trust me as someone who has been there if you make the mistake the very common mistake of tying up all of your happiness and achieving one thing you are missing out on all of the Beautiful Moments that you are experiencing in your present moment every single day the seemingly mundane moments where you

think nothing much is happening but really your life is passing you by you are always going to get the outcome of your goals the timeline May differ to what you think it might be but I promise you the reason that you want what you want is because there is a future version of yourself that already has it there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to get every single thing you want but please don't let life pass you by in the pursuit of those goals and that brings us to the end of

matcha talks with Tam episode 4 thank thank you guys so much for watching this is actually the final mops episode of 2024 I can't believe it I am wishing you all such a wonderful and abundant and fulfilling and happy joyous 2025 you honestly all all deserve it it's been a pleasure making videos for you all it's been a pleasure talking with you in the comments watching your growth reading your messages on the journeys that you've been on this year there was no doubt in my mind that you were just going to keep elevating and growing

and getting more powerful by the second we have grown such a wonderful community over here I'm so grateful to have found so many women all over the world that are so brave and courageous and motivated and fearless in their journey to becoming the best version of yourselves you guys are hella inspiring I love and appreciate you all so so much do let me know what you thought of the video in the comments that would absolutely make my day and if you like my videos if you like what I'm about if you find this inspiring I

would love it if you could check out the links in the description because I'm out stuff all the time that will help you on your journey to becoming your best self I've been on this journey myself for so long and I found out a long time ago that my purpose is treat to share that knowledge with the world and I just want to get it out to as many eyes and ears as I possibly can because I know the stuff that I'm putting out that is tried and tested and it eff works okay it works

but aside from that I appreciate you and I'll see you next week for a brand new video bye [Music]