Joe Rogan Experience #1355 - Mark Normand

Okay Penn Jillette said that Penn Jillette told you that it's fort not forte yeah and he's you know well-read man oh yeah he's uh he was just on yeah yeah he's an interesting cat is it true is he correct Jamie there's a little thing over the ear right two pronunciations like yeah well that's like the word literally you know the the term Literally is we've actually changed the meaning because so many people used it wrong okay for forte with that a right there - uh-huh so there's two different ones huh but it might be like

selfie how it just creates itself over a while yeah a thing that someone excels that small talk was not his fort a or forked well maybe fort was original and then someone kept [ __ ] it up like tumeric yeah terms yeah I we were just talking about how to Marik has An R in there it's tu r which I didn't know at all until Laird Hamilton put his coffee machine in there did you just turn the volume down oh sorry is that my Mike my hi my hands are all hot appreciate is that better

yeah praise ears Pat Carney likes to hear himself flowering talk [ __ ] he's got some hearing problems yeah yeah rock star drummer all those guys go deaf right but they have issues well though that's the dude from ac/dc the lead Singer you can't say anymore right because his ears are just shot that's awful man yeah every song sounds the same to the best yeah I don't know about the best bro I mean I like I'm looking first I don't know about the best well they are an iconic band I'll give you that I like

your songs there's certain songs yeah the great road trip video game songs but I feel like they kind of bleed together mm a little bit there's a sound They have an ac/dc sound for sure sure oh yeah it's all one sound yeah but but you know but it's back to turmeric you know how like the Middle East there's not a lot of funny people out there it's that that's not a big part of their culture it's comedy in the Middle East and Seinfeld thinks it's because we have a love of language he think that's why

Americans and British people are really funny because it's a we think about the words hmm I don't think they're same With German not a lot of German ha ha you know what I mean we had a German comic that was big in Germany that came to the store and was here for a couple of years did he find Ike he didn't suck but he was real he was it was all physical exactly in Germany he's huge but it was all like slipping on stage pratfalls yeah we can do better than that we got word the

words are there the interesting part that what you say the Writing you know it's a thing that people don't consider those pratfall guys I'm always in pain they're always hurt that's true like so are we mentally yeah but in a physical way I think I was always wondering about Chevy Chase because you know Chevy Chase is supposed to be kind of grumpy yeah I've heard that yeah he's a dick I've heard he gets real grumpy and I wonder if the dude is just in constant pain hmm because you know I remember how many times he

used To fall down like you fell down all the time on Saturday Night Live did he yeah yeah yeah and Fletch the the the detective movie yeah yeah he pratfall all the time like wicked heart falls where clearly him wow I didn't know he was a fall guy you know Buster Keaton he's like so underrated he broke his back and didn't realize it and the doctors like so when you break her back he's got that crazy story you know like that guy fell all day long I think it Was his neck and front was it

neck was it now someone just brought this up on the show didn't taint Jamie didn't somebody just talk about that it was just a few episodes ago maybe but he's like not really brought up a lot he [ __ ] crazy how ballsy he was and how in if he was he would do stuff like he would draw he'll ever one of his gags he would paint on a wall a hook and then hang his hat on it Yeah this is who brought Jamie I'm trying with a pen might have been tied up in him

or I mean it's all bits yeah that's clever [ __ ] this is amazing 19 what 24 yeah I mean that just right there was amazing yeah jumping through that person and I mean you could do this all day it's all clever and it's all read done a million times but he did it first Wow and there was no one before him right so now no guidebook yeah and everything Ends in a punch at all that always pays off there's no weak ones and he just sometimes he would just try it and I heard an

interview with him and he was like yeah I would just go for it and sometimes he would be in midair and you think of another thing and then you do that before you hit the ground I mean it's brilliant guy check him out if you don't know him and he's right now we're watching video with him running over the Top of a train he's and I'm clearly really doing it yeah he's really doing he's gonna do some of that hook there it is wait for it wait for it and kabbaah the water is low broke

his neck no that's right is that right that's what the video yeah that need the underestimated the force of the water coming out of it cuz like think about how much weight there is you got water musical like waterfalls yeah look if you jumped off with the Niagara Falls and Hit the bottom what would kill you I mean it might just be the force of the water hitting you against the rocks alright great I think that's what happened with him like he got hit so hard I believe it was pen yeah whoever it was well

that they they were just explaining there was the weight of the water he underestimated that kind of kills the whole [ __ ] and the waterfall scenes in every movie you know True it yeah you get pummeled you imagine like you're headed up there and it's your idea and she slips and bashes our brains out against the rocks because it was your stupid idea she's like let's just do it right here alright hang the waterfall and you're so stupid you don't understand how much force is coming down yeah yeah that was a hot scene in

cocktail wasn't oh yeah they're the believes it Elizabeth Shue they [ __ ] that Jamaican waterfall I'm a big Kable as a kid so we would just watch everything that came on do you remember that movie with Elisabeth Shue and Nicolas Cage we're leaving it gets a boner at the very end of course that's a good drunk guide thing I mean those random drunk boners we've all been there is cocktail scene there it is wonderful this is all is my old childhood just these weird 80s movies on VHS they were weird somebody raised a good

point about how we have so many out like I'm dating A lady who's a little younger than me she's about 14 and she's always like I'll bring up a movie like ghostbusters like never seeing it Godfather never seen it I'm like don't you care you don't you want to see that she's like I've never seen it that was born it would came up for my time and I'm like yeah but I know about the 70s in the 60s why do I know about that hmm I know but the fit I know about Buster Keaton why

don't you people now they only go Forward they don't go back at all have you noticed that yeah I think they're inundated with too much stuff I guess so think about it they got Hulu they got Amazon they got Netflix there's many things constantly they're doing tick tock and Instagram they're checking social media to force a kid to sit down and watch you know the National Lampoon's family vacation good luck I know but it's good it's great it's great I don't think they do that as much yeah A lot of kids are playing video games

sure and they're streaming things and YouTube for the best giant you could never suck it all up but here's the here's the clinker is they're missing out on a lot I watched the office with her and she's missing references to a [ __ ] Indiana Jones joke and I'm like you like this show but you know that's and you missed that joke and then I gotta explain it to her and she's like who's that I'm like it's Harrison Ford He was of this he was an archaeologist he's archaeology that sounds terrible I'm like oh that

was fun you know my nine-year-old watches these little videos on YouTube where they blend things these kids to get together they're silly and they're laughing it's so dumb and they blend things but it's dumb because I'm 52 right if I was nine it would be awesome like for her it's awesome like she's really enjoying it she's laugh Fan it's like it's not fake laughing she watches him whether or not you tell her to or not she's interested in it like in a blender yeah they just throw food in a blender and try to drink it

so it was so done it's so done there's being silly and you know things slip out of their hands and then they saw show a slow-mo of the things slipping out of their hand like it is a name all right it's just made for nine year olds by people who are like awed and yeah I'm teen and 19 And I bet it's got millions of views millions of you that's you can't predict I'm trying to break the best joke ever put this video out this is the funniest video nobody cares and then you you fired

on a on a taco salad and that goes viral well do you know the makeup artist a drama that took place on YouTube do you know about all that now I got roped into that too because of my kids it was a yes this is this young homosexual fellow who has makeup tutorials and he Got into some sort of a public scrap with his mentor James yeah some things I did hear about yeah yeah this this guy Wow he's good look the videos were [ __ ] entertaining it's quite hilarious and he got in a

scrap with that person right yes and you know it was a lot of a lot of terrible things were said but it was I had you know muck what is happening here so I'm like what is he what does he do he just he does makeup tutorials and I'm watches makeup there oddly entertaining yeah well if it's if it's impressive anything is good you know just the thing is like networks missed sloppy but entertaining they missed that everything was done well everything with a laugh track right they missed this there's a whole Avenue it call

you know I'm saying yeah well look at me I'm on the [ __ ] Fallon I'm wearing a suit I don't wear a suit but they make you wear one yeah they make you terrible the Gritty off of everything and the gritty is the good well you is the good the who you really are who you really are really are yeah when you want someone to conform at least aesthetically to who you'd like them to be like what are we doing here well that's the guy wear a [ __ ] t-shirt who gives a [

__ ] right what does it matter we should have learned that when when you're kidding bloopers came on it Was the [ __ ] greatest thing ever ass yeah but we went had a bloopers what he gonna do but that was that was what should have held onto that we should have gone towards the bloop well America's Funniest Home Videos was the original YouTube that's right right kicked in the balls by a Shetland pony I mean that was that was it yeah that's that's what everybody realized they wanted to see people get kicked by animals

the way they run the show now You submit a youtube link to them and they just take it from YouTube and put it on the show on TV but it's on TV but it's YouTube clips that's where this gave up they tapped out they gave in to their maker they topped no that was Danny Tanner who was a dirty comic we're not dead Bob Saget sorry yeah but that's a stage name right that was his name in the show that was a full house name full house name yes yeah Saget was a dirty comic ya

filthy still Is me is now but I think he probably had to take some time off while he was doing the show right he didn't do any specials or anything remember America's Funniest people what was the difference spinoff they needed more time slots to dominate yeah they're probably getting tons and tons of tapes they had to put out another show they have animal ones too right the difference is that's what they can't compete with YouTube because YouTube chose nine-year-old girls getting launched into the air by bison right on par click really getting launched yeah you're

like holy [ __ ] yeah that's the TV unclean version it's a guy getting hit by a car or you know yeah knife wound fistfight you can watch all sorts of like cartel shootouts on YouTube but yeah you can't say you know some weird right-wing joke and they're funny how it's the words we're all about now like that's what I never got about Like if I do a pedophilia joke everybody's up my ass but we'll all get around the campfire to watch the Michael Jackson doc yeah like that happened he's splitting your ass he's talking

about split the kids ass cheek apart number I was like this is crazy but the joke that some comic tells bothers people I find that odd well I think both those things bother people for sure I mean the reason why the documentary was made was because People were bothered by it I know what they're they're excited to watch it's like a yeah cult phenomena with like this is gonna be big big show tonight well it's the popcorn he knew we know something was really wrong with Michael Jackson you know yeah some was something's really wrong

there was never anybody quite like him that was from a tiny little boy like how old was Elvis when he got famous probably like 20 or something right Maybe later and that was probably the biggest thing that had ever happened in pop music before Michael Jackson but Michael Jackson was the first that we ever saw that was a baby when he was on ABC right easiest was a little kid he was dancing around with his beautiful afro and then we watched him become a grown man one of the biggest superstars in the world and we

watched him go insane sure we knew we anybody who got that much plastic Surgery you know they're insane something's really wrong yeah so we all knew it so when the sex accusations the pedophilia accusations happen of course everyone's gonna want to tune in it's not like you know it's it's an human oddity as much as it is celebrity gossip greed but what is it about jokes that really bother people more than a movie you know you could have a movie rape but a man a joke it really graphically show the rape yeah Everything the whole

thing's acted out in the movie and then you always see these two actresses later like it was pretty appalling I had to like cry in the trailer after and all that and we're like all right you win an Oscar but this guy in a nightclub talked about this rape he's he's evil I don't know I'm not I don't tell ya I'm not a big rape joke guy I'm just saying like it's weird there's something about jokes it really Crawls up people's sphincter and because it's a lot of things it sounds like you're just talking right

if you if you are if you got a movie and in the movie you play some serial killer and you know they've you know prepared the scene for you you're ready you're wearing the clothes they told you to wear you're not doing the lines in the script we all agree this is a dramatic interpretation I don't know what you're doing when you doing stand-up some people are just Being doing satire right like some people are pretending to be racist tending to be a Republican [ __ ] right but then it's just a character we've there's

a bunch of guys who do stuff like that or some people are you know some people are sarcastic some people are like Jeselnik they say the worst [ __ ] is always hilarious I love him I love him too and what he's doing is he's he's that's not who he is these are great jokes yeah you know these he's Not really lighting the maternity ward on fire it's just a name of his special right it's like so there's a bunch of different kinds of kind then there's other people that just [ __ ] tell the

truth man there's other people when they'll talk about all the weird [ __ ] in their personal life they'll talk about anything yeah and you go oh this is just a funny guy who's great at telling the truth so it's like when you say like Their jokes okay but everybody does it different yeah no and the problem is it's sound this is the real problem for people who aren't stand-ups we're stand-ups it makes sense to us people are fans of stand-up it makes sense to them but to regular folks were getting mad it seems like

you're just talking yeah but why are we by the Jeselnik but we don't buy the other guy because it's culturally convenient hmm what do you mean well some guys are better at it Uh-huh some guys the writing is cleaner and sharper it's clear it's a joke yes it's not just clear - he's he's preposterous over the line joke obviously into joke land and he's obviously really smart like there's a thing that happens I think when someone is really good at writing jokes where they're they're giving it to you in a way that you are almost

equally impressed with the efficiency of their use of language as you are with the the Funny in it you can see the art in it right in Jessa necks a combination of both right he's got the funny but he also has a very impressive way of setting things up but your smart way of setting things up get away with more he's funnier I agree but I think there's something also - hiding the technique you know he's he's so technique he's a technician he's precise he's great at it but I think something about the guy just

being loosey-goosey yeah sure you don't Even see oh [ __ ] that was the punch at even see it coming no that's the thing school - oh it's great - there's no better way you know there's Joey Diaz who I think is the funniest guy that's ever lived he's completely loose yes completely loose you know yeah and but he'll catch these waves well you can't believe a person is it's possible for a person to be any funnier it's Joey did you ever see a murder I've Never seen him live oh my god dude you always

say is the goat I'm like I want to see this go hits these waves where people just like shut the [ __ ] up we're comics in the back room are holding themselves I've seen everybody man I've seen everybody kill yeah I've never seen anybody stronger than Joey wow it's just these it's not like he's a Jess on that typewriter were there look if he does a special it's gonna be so polished from the beginning to the end No he's trying to find himself in it but he's got seriously underrated joke writing oh really his

economy of words and he just says [ __ ] you don't see it comment and it hits you like a [ __ ] brick yeah you're like oh my god and you know that's what I love yeah I look but I'd love Jeselnik too I love I love Seinfeld so do i I love all kinds of comedy I love the fact that Hedberg had a completely different way of doing it then Santino does yeah Everybody's got their own thing I know it's like it's a cool art yeah I loved it I loved it a minute

I love that I'm getting paid to do it do you know Anderson do you know oh yeah he's super conversational yes like you almost think that he's just saying this for the first time he's talking to you like a friend like okay he's one of those guys where you're at the bar like dude dude come here you know he's a [ __ ] [ __ ] right he's your brother But he's a [ __ ] [ __ ] he's a [ __ ] [ __ ] and then he starts being funny right he's the guy

that brings you in like a drink yeah I wish I had more of that I'm nervous nothing I gotta have every word precise are you I'm about 1213 it well that's who you are then yeah yeah that's it okay what I like it I'm figured that's a great way you know when you when you get it polished down you know it's like some of the most impressive standup ever like one of my All-time favorites is Richard Jeni yeah he's a beast oh my god underrated as hell but but he was talked about per se he

always said I get five minutes a year maybe five good minutes of material here why kill himself I mean it's brutal yeah he was super precise he had hit a bunch of mental demons unfortunately yeah don't well I ran into my plane once I was coming home from I think it was Austin I was doing the club and he had a corporate gig we just I said hi - I'm a What's up Richard what's up man we're talking you know I was just like right behind him and he just seemed so [ __ ] bummed

out man just please when he goes is a young comic you're like you're bummed you're killing it you're one of the funniest guys ever you don't get it that they can also be successful in miserable well mental illness is just it just gets people the same way lung cancer gets people sure the same way polio or you Know something that you can catch he was just depressed men like severely depressed but yeah damn he was good I think it was because that was the only time he was ever having fun was when he was doing

stand-up right man I didn't know the guy that well I only was casual with him a few times but I was a giant fan oh yeah I worked at Eastside comedy club when I was like I think I was probably 23 ish 24 s my first time making it to New York and I was doing Long Island and they told me that Richard Jeni had been there that night or the that weekend and did two shows Friday to show Saturday each totally different that kills me dude it was the hardest thing to hear yeah yeah

I always hear that this guy just for different hours possible how did he do it yeah they were in there everyone was in awe they were not it was Joey Cola oh yeah he's funny again yeah he's a great guy he's like a Long Island legend yeah he's a great guy we were talking about it we're like how the [ __ ] does he do that Joey was a ahead of me he had been doing stand-up longer than me like you know more more time that he could do on stage but I just couldn't imagine

ever coming to a point my life where out of four could four different hours mmm that's great and they said he murdered I believe it's just murdered do you have that Thea always hear Bill Hicks say that thing of Like you know the material is what you fall back on when you're out of things to say which I don't I don't agree with I think the material is what you show up to do the people want to hear your point of view they don't hear but yeah you know they might want to hear you rant

a little bit in the beginning but do the act that was Hicks his style though he you know he had his own way his way was like he was trying to almost inject philosophy into People while he was telling jokes yeah jokes are really smart yeah he's obviously a smart guy so that was his thing but I hear ya you know the thing about him though is he didn't have podcasts right right he could have used one yeah he would have the greatest podcast ever and then I bet his stand-up would have gotten better because

he wouldn't have felt like he had to be so funny on stage or so poignant poignant yeah he would it would have felt like I'm just here to do jokes during the podcast I get to talk about life right we're talking about everything and I don't even have to be funny yeah oh I've had some bad core you've mentioned corporates did you do any no I did a gig at the cellar this guy showed up and he goes I like your stuff you're edgy you're raw come do my Country Club come roast my Country Club

I was like oh great so he's like he gave me a sheet of like All his employees and all their dirt and he's like really zing um really make it vicious they always say vicious and I show up and it's like Mercedes and you know Benz is everywhere in Maseratis and I go [ __ ] white tablecloths I go up and I do the mic tap hey everybody I'm gonna do some comedy and they go he's gonna roast everybody sit back he's gonna cigar in a suit and I go hey Bill and Bill stands up

and I go we all know you're on coke we've seen it and feels Like what his wife's like oh my god you're supposed to be clean and I'm like oh well that didn't go well hey Jeff Jeff we all know you're cheating on your wife and she's like I knew it you know and the kids are crying and you know Rob we all know you're gay just come out already and this is all the [ __ ] he gave me and the place you know the place is in a brouhaha and I [ __ ]

the guy came back he said get the hell out of here so that was tough true story I would Imagine you would a double checked no I just used what he gave me this is all I knew seemed so ridiculous that guys know did you ever communicate with him after he was furious furious that he was pissed at me like what happened I'm like what do mean what happened I did this you gave me you said be vicious hate cuz he's like I thought you'd make it funny I'm like I just said the [ __

] I made jokes but I still had the dirt it was back try to do a couple you know Jokes after about taxis and and peanut butter but it didn't fly nothing no they were they were just yelling at each other the whole thing was ruined I ruined the party I got paid I had to fight with the guy really and it was a solid check I might say nice chunk of change but in court but they don't they always said I've been fired from every gig when they say be edgy every time they don't

know what edgy is edgy does we're dead inside and Us is you know abortion and miscarriage and AIDS and anal and queef and jizz but these guys they want you know maybe a Jew Geok or something and she's one of those things where even though I might enjoy it by classical definition like what it actually is I never enjoy hearing someone say it's edgy know everyone says something's edgy I'm like oh yeah my dad sounds like horseshit alright look it's nonsense oh it's so Edgy you got to see him he's really edgy I don't want

to see him now I'm not seeing anybody anybody edgy yeah that term is just a gross term all right edgy it sounds dorky that's rated R whoa just corny yeah edgy and she means like you're like trying yes you're trying too hard exactly be cool [ __ ] he's edgy he's gonna I'm gonna make fun of everybody I'm talking [ __ ] right I do like dark humor though don't get me wrong - I love to learn that word that Edgy just kills me same sayings me think of the worst yes it's just a shittiest

right well they always say that's not that's a distasteful that's bad taste that's what they always say when I do edgy what no one would call Richard Pryor edgy yeah I mean I guess you could but nobody likes him would you how could you date I wouldn't I really what could edgy comedy like Richard Pryor like get away from me to me that's just comedy that's what Stand-up is is Richard Pryor exactly that's who he was right yeah he wasn't Steven right Steven right found his thing yeah that's the the great thing about it is

that it's like if you had a drug that has a bunch of different effects and it's all just drug you go to the story to get it and you don't know what you're gonna write you know I mean that's interesting yeah drug we got today it could be a viagra it Could be a birth control it could be speed okay we're going to get comedy okay what kind of comedy whatever we just took a laxative yeah I mean it could be anything yeah Guns and Roses it could be Barry Manilow right it could be anybody

janna Sheena Easton it seems like they're never happy with what it is yeah me neither would you be if you went to see bands and you were like really in the ac/dc Yeah a bunch of Fiona Apple clones like enough wine and right I get it Sarah McLaughlin you like puppies Apple she was good but I know you still as I'm sure so Sarah McLaughlin's got a beautiful voice I got it you you know sometimes you want to hear [ __ ] cro-mags different styles yeah I did I got hired for a bite I shouldn't

say the name but I got hired by this Internet company pretty big one and I was supposed to howling with Google now as Older a couple letters three letters okay so I I got hired by them to host their Halloween show I was the host like Bob Barker style bad suit skinny Mike and they were like be edgy so I was hosting the Halloween costume we had a live audience judges the whole thing and I they're like be edgy we saw your act we liked it they go great so I'm trying to be funny I'm

getting some zing zang's and Catwoman walks on like a sexy Catwoman I make fun of her [ __ ] joke Whatever you know it's going well you're trying to be funny it's it's not easy and then she's walking off in an African Queen is walking on like she's like a big headdress black lady and I go hey watch that whip around the African and I swear to god the cameras just went through like the whole thing shut down felt like the power went out I was like well that was weird and they fired me right

after you can't wait a minute if someone's wearing African garb yeah I'd Say the African I said watch the whip because Catwoman had a whip and she was passing her going off and she was coming on I thought it was a quick you know that's funny man thanks I appreciate it but they didn't think so Wow they fired me that was bad it was the first day I supposed to do all five days how funny is that oh I mean you would think that most people would just say well that clearly is a joke of

course of course That's about as jokey joke as you can get and in my dumb mind I was like oh I [ __ ] nailed that one I quit I was quick all right you were at the cellar that would be you nailed it yeah right but I don't know what your dumb parameters are people just cuz you're in a you know your you own a company I don't know what you like yeah but the problem is you're doing corporates can't do yeah well I needed money yeah that brother yeah gathered I took any gig

Then at Harlem I was in Connecticut I was uptown downtown all around yeah I used to do bachelor parties with no microphone Wow horrible gigs yeah that's brutal a Da Capo I did a couple with no microphone kind of good for you though I look at like lighting lang you want to be a good fighter I want to be able to grapple I want to be able to get into a bar fight and win I also want to be able to you know get it get enough playground fight you know in A boxing ring fight

like do you want it all just fighting mix it up mix it up ya know for sure I think those gigs are good for you even the ones where you bomb just to just to write it also gives you a greater appreciation of the good shows and you might have more enthusiasm yeah go to a comedy club and you know the middle act is already killing and you get out there and ever this great energy like your cause so good yeah that's how good it is cuz you did Corporate gig right maybe you wouldn't appreciate

those Club gigs of course unless you had done the corporate kid do you remember when you found you I remember where I was well I bombed for like three years straight when I started and I remember how I clicked I just came online and became Who I am and it changed everything what you do I was at a show it called Mo petkins that was the name of the bar was on Avenue A and I was bombing I was doing my dumb Horseshit observational and this guy started heckling me and I just after bombing and

living in New York and having bedbugs and just being poor and sad and lonely and drunk I just snapped on this guy and it was killing and I was like being me I was calling this guy a piece of [ __ ] and what's your life and I broke down his whole life and made him feel like an [ __ ] and I left there like I felt like an archangel I was like a phoenix Rising it was amazing so you've realized that you can be yourself and if you are yourself you're even funny exactly

I was in this Seinfeld a Paul Reiser shown and I cracked that macadamia nut open he got out of there it was great that's beautiful I felt ten feet tall I love hearing stories like that I still bomb constantly well you know if you take chances you're gonna bomb of course if you write new jokes they're gonna They're gonna fall right do you lived in New York huh yeah yeah that's when I got I got way better way better I was coming from Boston New York and in Boston I'd relied too much on like regional

humor yes also there was too many like bar gigs where you could kind of sustain yourself and guys did it for too long they venture out into the rest of the country and so when I did go to New York I felt like first of all ten minutes of my material now is useless right gone Like bits that were killing yeah I used to kill before well humor get you a little yeah it was a trap for sure yeah but it works I had some serious bomb sessions some really bad sets and I had you

like realize like okay I got a really really really go to work and look at this I can't just look at this casually right I gotta say why am i why am I so nervous when I go onstage like why don't I have a really good bit to start with right ease into it like let's Look at all the problems that I've had and awkward at first you can't recover right you know exactly yes so all those different things when you make when you have to move to a completely new environment you're forced to rethink

how you do comedy because now you're around the Chicago guys yeah and maybe the Chicago girls and guys do their stand-up different yeah well maybe and you got you get around them and you're like oh well these kinds of this is another Level you know and then you go to New York or just another level this yeah this is a higher level exactly in New York in LA or even different sure I know there's like different styles and like all of it is good for you you're exposed to different styles you're exposed to different audiences

people who don't do the road like you can't do it you can't be a real comic if you don't travel exactly you could be like a niche weirdo but you got If you want to entertain the country or the world you got to get out there a lot of those niche weirdos from Boston or some of the greatest comics of all time that's true but it's not smart it's like the the problem is then the world doesn't get to see ya and only the people around you get to see and you're missing out on a

giant chunk of the people that you could have pre that could appreciate your work you could have these fans they would you would Make them feel better or they would see you and laugh like you're missing all that this and all that because you're not making the right steps yeah it's actually kind of close-minded well I just it's convenient sometimes gonna be married they have kids you know they get stuck there in school they don't want to go they don't want to go on the road every weekend you know it's like it's too much yeah

but you you lived in New York when you Moved there did you have money no yeah okay I was hell right it was real bad I was I was actually staying with my grandfather I was living in Newark New Jersey North ninth Street right next to a guy who got his door broken down for sellin crack sounds good he parked in his driveway cheddar yeah my grandfather was there in bought a house I think he bought a house in like the 40s mm-hmm and somewhere later like in the 50s the 60s they did This thing

called blockbusting well they would say hey I think that was a story they would say that like hey a black person's moving into your neighborhood black people are gonna move into your neighborhood and it's going to drop your property value so you got a cell now before this happens and a lot of people panicked yeah just sold their houses my grandfather was like I like black people I'm staying right here huh he just he Just never moved bad business it was just like he was like this is my [ __ ] house yeah this is

where I live and he in he was there and it turned from this all Italian neighborhood to it was a black neighborhood for a while and then it became right now or when I lived there rather it was more of like Latino immigrant community there was a lot of spanish-speaking people there all sorts of different countries when they didn't do a survey and find out what Country they're all from do you think black people go [ __ ] the Latinos are moving there do you think they get upset about that like you know blockbusting with

you know Latins I think it's all about where people can move where they could survive cheap if it's got to be cheap that's my artist go there two artists of the lowest rung of everything yeah you're the brokest and and least we can't do anything at least like black people and Latinos they have Like some skills with one skill and it's painting or some [ __ ] yeah or telling jokes Badge of Courage for guys lived in Alphabet City like wow yeah what do they say is for no Diaz death see is I don't know

cool it and because ya can be was you know be careful and a was a Anil I don't know it was something that whole area was if you knew a guy who lived there he probably wore he probably wore those one of those [ __ ] boots Doc Martens oh yeah what's that Timberland No he was a Doc Martens guy if you're a white guy and he lived in Alphabet City you were like a tortured fan of the creeps right right and the creature I think that band had such a cool logo that a bunch

of people just signed on to become fans just because they like that creepy weird you know that greenish kind of droopy weird fellow like music for bad people remember that uh it was a good t-shirt I remember I dated a gal who'd go to those shows and she would Mosh and she'd come back with headaches [Applause] [ __ ] mosh pit at some punk rock show at the ratskeller yeah I moved to New York with $400 and I got bedbugs the first year landlord died of AIDS whoa and I got mugged three times in the

first year oh my god it was hell man not that like what knifepoint gunpoint well I was mostly my fault I'm victim blaming here but I I was always such a blackout drunk that I was Just like asking to be mugged I would fall asleep and wake up and guys were going through my [ __ ] one time I fell asleep on Hell's Kitchen ever the bar Rudi's know that you got a free hot dog with every beer so it was a hot spot but I remember being so drunk they threw me out and I

was walking down 9th Avenue and I was like I just gotta lay down for a minute I'm so tired cuz I had to go when you had that haul to Brooklyn on the subway That would take two three hours sometimes really oh yeah at that at 4:00 in the morning yeah two-three hours because the trains change and they never show up and you know and then the garbage train comes it takes forever and I live in Crown Heights man which is like way out so I fell asleep in this little alcove and I woke up

and four or five guys are going through my [ __ ] they're blockbusting and I'm like oh [ __ ] and I was like wow and He goes he's getting up and he hit me I went out again and they took my keys my phone my joke book I mean and my wallet and starting from scratch with no money you gotta buy somehow get a MetroCard but you have no wallet to get the MetroCard you got no Greek a credit card to get the wallet I mean it's it's brutal how'd you get bought would you

do I just had to walk home which took forever and then I think I jumped the turnstiles got home and then you know You find your roommate you call your mom and she helps you Wow I fell asleep oh this is a crazy story I fell asleep on the subway I went like four stops past mine and in Brooklyn I got out and I was like I'll walk it it's a nice night I see five guys in the corner right out of central casting shooting dice doug thugged-out guys on the corner drinking 40s and I

go I'm gonna cross the street these guys look a little shady and I walk cross street and now an older guys Coming to a white beard big older black guy and he gets up to me and I had an old iPod he goes give me that radio and I go it's not a radio that thinking that would like you know turn him away and he goes just give it to me my god I don't think so and he grabs at it so I grab at it now we're tugging and he picks me up and he's

slamming me against a business like you know when the metal gate closes then pow pow and I'm kicking him I'm punching him and I can't I think he was On PCP or something and before I know what those five guys run over and just beat the [ __ ] out of them I'm talking he hits the ground they're kicking him in the face and I'm just like uh I grabbed my ipod and I get out of there so those five guys helped you they saved my life yeah holy [ __ ] I I talked to

a cop about it like a month later and he was like oh those were drug dealers and they can't have some white kid getting killed in your Nate in the neighborhood so they had to make a choice I was like wow thank God for drugs yeah you can't judge I totally judge those guys when they're like a local mafia they take care of their block exactly I mean that's what the mob Oh is dead the one thing that people liked that lived in communities that were run by the mob is that they kind of kept

an order right yeah it was terrible order if you fell foul to them yeah you know you had an Issue with them yeah didn't like the they always said the mob when the mob ran Vegas like old ladies would say that it was beautiful with a smile true yeah mob ran Vegas it was classy you hear that about Buddy Cianci he was like the the Providence mayor and he was like a big big mob guy but everything was clean and we're all well-run but he was also whacking people in the back of a butcher store

so you get the good with the bad it's like Al Capone he showing up with a Turkey on Thanksgiving but then he's killing your uncle for not paying the bills yeah yeah yeah that was the thing about John Gotti and Crown Heights right he would like the fireworks was it Crown Heights is that where he lived I don't know some places in Brooklyn was it Bensonhurst maybe Benson that was very Italian she what wherever was where Gaudi would have this enormous firework celebration every year and everybody Knew that the Godfather put on this firework celebration

it was like his peacock feathers uh-huh good flare once a year right and you know they all like appreciated them and they'd come to give him respect and you know they'd have this open display of the Mafia in a form of fireworks uh-huh that's great and everybody knew it was it was a weird thing everybody knew that he was putting it on Wow very strange very strange and then they're in with the cops too so That's weird you feel very safe but it's also scary I don't know it's dangerous a different kind of order too

much murder the law version is [ __ ] up and you know people go to jail for things that they didn't do and there's a lot of real problems yeah with the law but but it's better than the mom yeah yeah I guess so I guess no better it's way better yeah it's got issues but it's based on the idea that we're all equal and then we all have equal rights and the laws are Supposed to protect us from people committing crimes to us and stealing from us imagine if a mob I knocked on your

warehouse and was like hey you got to pay up exactly would that be crit what would you do hire more seals you got seals here yeah that's what those guys are yeah I don't I'm not paying anybody I don't know but then now you're a you're in the bad spot yeah you don't want to be in the bad spot yes so it's a tough gamble and then you're just Thinking about you're laying in bed at night you hear you hear somebody tapping on your door and you're like [ __ ] and then they start taunting

you then your life is ruined then they [ __ ] with your wife going on yep and that's how they get people to pay yeah yeah now they'll get scared now they call it unions oh sorry sorry some unions are legitimate sir you're obviously on the couch you drank too much of that Buffalo Trace whiskey sir The hooch boy you got big mitts look at the size of those hands Jesus you could choke a man Wow all right sorry about the coffee's I'm on the moon here this definite no joke it's not it's not for

the timid at heart I gotta get the Buffalo in me just to even out mmm long night they had sight Laird Hamilton coffee son whoo he's a he's a hunk he's a hunk of a man him and his wife wouldn't you love to watch them [ __ ] you know a Patrick Pat from the black piece Yes I would the black blonde they would have I mean with the genetics even Larry David's kids are hot and he's a troll you know he's my hero but her genes just took over they picked up the weight the

wife Jean yeah the white your wife is beautiful yeah so the wife Jean just picked up the extra weight like we got it we got it don't worry are you glad that women find funny what would we do if oh you're you're you're a wildebeest I'm uh you know like a real problem yeah We'd be [ __ ] thank God women can see past looks I know magic if we would have to we had to wear makeup oh god I kill myself like I was watching a lady this morning in the car I was ahead

of my kid had a little thing at work at school one of those little one of those things called were they mascara no well he's on stage and you'll Assembly of thank you God why could I come up with assembly I was just at 1:00 this morning yeah I'm looking at this I am I'm looking at this Lady in traffic and she's applying base on her face doing this all while she's like in-between traffic's unbelievable they hit the red light and immediately they're put in there they put in their masks yeah darling it up it's

such a weird thing to want to do yeah I feel bad for women for but then I also hate when they blame men for that you know they go oh in a man's world I got to wear the makeup like no you don't have To but you can also be considered less attractive like it's a give and take here how much less listen man if there's some point hot about a girl not wearing makeup sure but you gotta have a nice face too I mean realistically you can't just not have sound like the Dalai Lama

know what happened they were talking to him about would there ever be a female Dalai Lama yes but must be good-looking it was like What yeah nobody wants to see this face oh well he's no peach himself but I'm saying biology is the ultimate misogynist sure when you really break it down you know women get they gotta get pregnant before this age and they also want to have a career but they want to get they got an eye they want to get knocked up but then the tits and the boobs and the butt and the

waist that sucks and some women want a career Simply because they want to show everybody that they're not inferior to men yeah that's weird yeah what's like society's Trek no I'm not saying trick them but trap them in this situation where not only do they have to have the babies yeah they have to be they have to create humans and on top of that they have to compete with men and show that they can right I always find the women who are mothers but are also like corporate people They're like insanely competitive yes well you're

like like a Gabrielle Reece oh if she went that way she went the corporate way she'd be insanely competitor which is why she was this killer volleyball player right right you know like I really feel like that's a that's a really new thing for humans yeah when what year was it I mean not that it's not that it's bad because it's great that women have the option to do whatever they want yeah but what I'm Saying is just historically how reason is it because it seems like it's only within the last hundred years that women

have had like this sort of kind of career like working alongside men yeah and business in the boardrooms and making sure seasons and being CEOs of companies which is great if you're deaf you want to do that and if you're good at have to be good at it I hate all like we got to put a woman in well if she Sucks what a woman who's good there are women who are good at it it's it's insulting and condescending to go put a woman in you know we want to have a good quota conversation like

that with my friend she has a TV show and she was talking about wanting to hire a diverse cast of writers mm-hmm times like blogs are good yeah that's number one that's how one should be are they good exactly well I just wanted to look a Certain way I don't want it to be all white men I'm like okay you got one shot at this right you're gonna do a stand-up show you got one shot at this you got to put your blinders on and just say who is the funniest isn't it what are the

what group this is it's a meritocracy you trying to make a chakra see yeah well if you don't think that someone can be funny but right for women that you might get right there I agree with that I agree with that's why the UFC is great You just let it go just don't touch it and it's [ __ ] you got a Russian guy you got an African guy you got a Swedish guy you got a German guy an Irish guy no one's going oh there's not a black people oh thank god Silva's here thank

God Silva's here no he's just good right you know and then you got the good women - you got the cyborgs and the whatnots and the Rousey's it just let it happen let it be good it should work itself out yeah that's the Fighting's the ultimate Meritocracy right yeah yeah completely which is why it's so popular yeah I think it's just as little [ __ ] innit a spot there's bad decisions and there's chairs and stuff like that I Polk's right overall it's like the least [ __ ] a bowl yeah at all sports I

think it goes back to the blending the [ __ ] your daughter's watching because it's just bait we want base it we're craving basic [ __ ] and just and I know basic like an Insult now which is ironic but it's like we just want give me the core we got so much dog [ __ ] our sushi has mayonnaise on it now what the [ __ ] are we doing the best sushi is just the simple roll give me a bj don't put you know don't get me a reach-around just go with the [

__ ] that works don't put hot sauce on my dish yeah [ __ ] Serta they whatever they eat to The mint it's good don't bro don't break what is it don't fix what's ain't broke yeah that would be the most ridiculous porn series ever hot ones with they just put different kind of hot sauce on dudes dicks and crying and snot their nose and they're blowing guys who have like Dave's red hot yeah that wouldn't be milk they're drinking though like what is the one that this is what's the most ridiculous one that they

always have on the hot ones show up the last dab it's The last dab that was called yeah there's one that it's like re got me some of this [ __ ] that has a skull and crossbones on it and I'm telling you I have a bowl of like chicken noodle soup and you put a [ __ ] drop yeah one time also dumb for those salesmen you're never gonna sell a bottle but you are you're wrong who's gonna buy a bite of a drop goes a long way people some people can do it man

we can't do it but some people can do it I don't get it they Used to get these guys that would come from Nepal to this chili there was a place called chili my soul in Encino mm-hmm and it was crazy how hot this guy would make his chili yeah [ __ ] insane he had different levels like level one level two I forget what the number system was but he had this one level that was so [ __ ] insanely hot he would let you try it but they would give you a tiny little

paper cup like this is all you get your tongue would go numb I Couldn't stop sneezing the fun well he told me these guys from Nepal came in ate that and we're pouring more hot sauce on top of it Jesus I was like there's no way he goes I'm telling you they just have a different thing yeah their system is set up differently they can just eat it when you can't I love hot sauce you know I'm from New Orleans you know we grew up on that [ __ ] but I don't I don't get

the painful stuff yeah it seems it's almost like a risk fun Thing like jumped out of a plane or something oh I feel like some people don't feel things the same way oh well that's for sure yeah for sure right it has to be yeah like like you know people have different tastes and art like some things that I think are garbage other people willing to pay thousands of dollars for like this is amazing you know like there's things that they they resonate with some people with Other people the other people think they're trash yeah

but I think a lot of that is a BS they just they're friends to think they know they want to seem cultured but I see what you're saying but I think there's a lot of art that's just about the image yeah there's a little bit of that okay but what about music then like think about the radical differences between jazz and say hip-hop like there's definitely devotees for both yes jazz and hip-hop And they can't be more mutually more different yeah I like both yeah I like both too but they're so [ __ ] different

yeah like some people would love one and hate the other totally totally my dad that's like it just it tastes like appreciation for things but is there that much variation in taste buds mmm there must be because there's things I love that other people think are disgusting well they say you eat you Taste what your mom is eating as a fetus like that's the first introduction to like you know preference mm-hmm and I think that has a lot to do with my friend from Whitman Mass Joe list we have a podcast together I know that

guy yeah you know Joe he eats like a nine-year-old he's like hot dogs and ice cream and burgers and you know fried chicken now he's introduced [ __ ] but he's eating he and I love zucchini I love avocado I love a weird [ __ ] I want I want all of it I want to I want Indian food I want a Mexican and hot sauce and all that but he's like that's crazy that's that's too much and I'm like how can you and he just grew up with pizza and birthday cake and chips and

where's my mom is a foodie [ __ ] so she had all kinds of weird stews going and I think she's like a depression-era [ __ ] cuz she would have like a fridge with like a chicken bones and I had a box of cream and she would make Something that's hilarious oh yeah yeah I'm saying man I love different kinds of food I love Indian food man I love Indian but on an Indian food kick lately Thai food love ties the best Asian I think I think so too food and unfavorable whoa just good

well have your been Thai yeah I've been to China super nice people Thai Thailand's like the nicest people you're ever gonna encounter it's strange I really everybody's so friendly Best-looking Asian too I think it was pretty hot yeah yeah but you might you know you might be catching the wrong gender oh well gender is a construct it is and there's the best proof of it that's a good point they also figured out the best way to kick people in the legs oh hi boxing interesting elbows the best elbows knees and leg kicks is that tie

that's time I thought Brazilian had a cornered oh yeah My time core he Brazilians is Jiu Jitsu the Brazilians figured out jujitsu in the Thais figured out kickboxing uh-huh what about crowd but gods that any good sure yeah you don't hear much about crime well it's a combination it's a self-defense system that the believe it was created for the Israeli military uh-huh but what it essentially is is the best aspects of all these different martial arts like a jeet kune do-- like a jewish ji kundo and bruce lee's idea Of g kundo is like you

take what's useful from whatever martial art and combine them with Krav Maga is that there's some of them you know some are more striking base on arm or grappling base in terms of what they teach in their classes but it's essentially a combination of striking arts and grappling arts jujitsu techniques along with karate techniques Muay Thai techniques so they do they do real martial arts it's like Yeah you see a Krav Maga expert like to you oh well that guy is a real martial artist okay it's not like watching those some of those kung fu

people that do wacky [ __ ] right like I don't think that's real just noises you're just touching the guy in the chest the guy's falling down what they're doing is real stuff so they just combined it isn't it funny how the Jews really flipped when they got to America you go to Israel and it's like chiseled tan tall full had a Silky hair hot lady and then in in America just like diners and banks what happened what do you think I don't know allergies and you know stuff like that and crazy moms well I

don't know anything about the Jewish lineage the genetic lineage but I would imagine this difference between the European Jews and the Israelis ah but it's something about America look at african-american black or african black and then african americans very different hmm you know i Think it's some erica in general yeah it's a man I think you do you can do it with almost every group like Italian Italians the food's different here yes spaghetti and meatballs you'd think that's a time that doesn't even exist though exactly exactly yeah their pizza is not like our shitty triangular

mess yeah you know food is very fish oriented like the meals are like these long experiences we sit down from multiple Courses right right we got all kinds of we got Olive Garden that's what I was that's what we did do it breadsticks well I think that's probably the price you pay for being competitive right yes if you go to Italy they don't have a lot of industry most that you mean when you go to the touristy places of course it's all tourists but you got to think what chunk of their economy is based on

people visiting Italy it must be enormous yeah it's gotta be hewn I've Been there to see the Colosseum yeah it's gotta be an enormous sum of money oh yeah you have to be like I would say it's probably 50% of their economy or something crazy right it's people visiting them big on the cat colleague over there there's this country is yeah real big oh yeah they go hard in the paint yeah yeah but this cultural this country is like frantic we're like the most frantic ants at the center of the college money money Business corporate

corporate corporate chains especially someone like New York right each other yeah I mean I saw a little bit of the real New York and now it's just pink berries Duane Reade's and Chase Bank ah it's crazy I saw a little but that's it also when I was getting robbed you know everything this there's a theme to this episode and it's the it's the good in the bad there's a balance you get mugged do you get spit on to get cat Call but then you get the Pinkberry to to Freelanders been there forever and he told

me that when he first moved there it was like all artists yeah and he said now it's all bankers yeah it's like it's so weird how it happened it's it's kooky guys rolling through downtown and Lamborghinis yeah there's a lot of that now so it's very odd and like neighborhood you go to before had like this cool dive bar and now it's his walkie condo that's all glass and Futuristic and you're like what the [ __ ] is that when did this pop up yeah I bought a moped I love this thing I'm zipping all

over Manhattan I don't know why more people aren't buying mopeds in New York I mean it's perfect for Manhattan Manhattan is 14 miles long 2 miles it's just moped city and I'm seeing I'm the only guy out there I feel like I beat the system I'm jumping from spy did six sets the other night just jumping Around on me yeah it's the best you park it right on the sidewalk put a lock on it you're running run out no parking no tickets no garages to worry about getting hit I do but I you know you

got a live man I'm just living you just live in yeah and I mean though I'm going through red lights I'm in the bike lane I'm in the real lane I'm all over the road I got a podcast in my ear I'm listening to you know uh Jim Jeffries or something While I'm zipping around Malcolm Gladwell you name it and it's great I forgot my point do you have a helmet on now I gotta get a helmet Jesus bro well come on look at this hair I can't flatten that beautiful you thank you thank you

don't have to wear a helmet in New York okay I see cops that peel off I go up to the left yeah illegally yeah yeah but I'm getting around man yes more material worked out of them than ever before and you know this the city is so Beautiful like I'm seeing like oh my god Times Square at night then you turn off like oh I'm on Fifth Avenue and then you're like there's Grand Central and there's this alphabet city there's the West Village there's the arch in Washington Square Park it's so pretty and I got

the wind in my hair and it's fall and I love this thing man I highly recommend getting a moped and you go to Italy you go to Rome everybody's on a moped yeah why aren't we doing it and I'm not I don't want him do what I feel like I got in early so he's the only one on the moped I'm the only comic moped do you see other people on mopeds you give each other or nah it's just me and Chinese delivery drivers to give them a week in the nod they don't know might

might people and they don't care they're just zipping along with their noodles and moving on they don't care about me do they have door - in New York they must I don't know what that is Everywhere but they - you call the restaurant oh yeah sure you get it off your app everybody does that [ __ ] you can see on Saturday all the hangover people getting there a delivery what a genius idea cuz everybody before was trying to figure out like god why don't they deliver I wish never and now a company said we'll

do it McDonald's delivers its kooky manning's aisles weed delivers everything is delivery how lazy do you have to be we can't I feel like If you're gonna torture your body with McDonald's the very least you should get out of the house I agree I agree that that's the peak of laziness Jamie's saying nope get it delivered Oh what time do you have enough time that's all right time yeah like right on your way home like order it can meet you there almost oh you got a point I like time spend a half an hour in

line a half an hour in traffic here [ __ ] yeah Isn't it's good point Kuki to think about when our parents were kids how much time they spent on just getting somewhere or just writing a letter and then going to mail the letter buying the stamp and then going to the post we can knock all that [ __ ] out with click one email yeah yeah also think but all the time you've accumulated just from not doing that one thing let alone uber ring and flights maybe used to call the travel agency now you

can just whoop I got an app I got a Delta app it's a madness that's so many minutes counting over and over through your whole life so we can do pods we can do comedy we can do martial art we can go to the gym before people did one thing you Jack LaLanne you know he was just a workout guy that was it now you're a [ __ ] Renaissance guy you're all over the road you got 12 hobbies and two kids you're living Thank You kids freaks ari [ __ ] I thought one died

you know you're on the Road as well I mean we can do so much more because of all the time it's pretty amazing you can get a shirt I like that shirt but once at my house tomorrow one click Amazon that's amazing we we got incredible we're in a good time except for all the complaining it's funny how you complain more when things are going great the better things are more people complain I think the problem is more people have access to something that can brought broadcast their Complaint that's what it's not just that more

people complain than ever before I think you go to some poor town in India I think there even when they show the African kids with the distended belly nothing we're going this sucks I hate it here they're still just sad they're not complaining you know Indian typing I think they're happier than we are ironically I just think it's a broadcast issue I don't I think it's a social media thing I don't think it hurts it I Think cities with you that's the that's where the signals coming from otherwise you would just be these whiny people

have always existed we just didn't encounter them as sure but I think the more I'm thinking different point I'm saying the more you have the more you complain yes like who's gonna complain more the poor family out dinner at the shitty restaurant or the rich [ __ ] at the nice restaurant who Goes up my Dom P is is warm it's room temperature she's got more so she's got more to complain about where's the other family just happy to be out at you know sizzler yeah that is definitely true yeah we agree on that but

the access to complain and now we can hear about it like Dave Chappelle said after his white supremacist sketch that he did you know with the blind guy mm-hmm he said he got bags and bags of letters about how this is wrong and Racist and offensive and you should be ashamed of yourself bags of letters and you're like oh we didn't even know about that is that you just didn't that didn't come up now it'd be just a million tweets yes free Twitter so well you know it's like levels of outrage and ambition to get

your point across right how much ambition do you have do you write that letter get in an envelope get the stamp find his address send it to him hope he reads it you wrote it all out by hand Really yeah like most people aren't but those are also the people that probably would obsessively tweet mark Normand you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] not how you form a joke I got this this is hate this is violence right and they'll just keep hitting he was like 30 40 of them yeah right that's the

same level of ambition and drive that causes someone to write a letter to Dave Chappelle right 15 years ago and today they'll just storm tweet you yeah like this tweet storm of 10 Different angry you know I know that's just to you in a row and those tweets hurt I don't think people realize they sting they just go you're evil and you're like you don't even know me that's crazy how cruel are you like you're a bad person I know you think you're a hero but you're a douche you're you're the problem you should be

yelled at I just tried to make a joke like what your joke hurt people yeah but I wasn't trying to hurt People you're trying to hurt me isn't that worse I have no intent on hurting anyone I just trying to be funny right I don't get and like then we reward these [ __ ] like what are we doing and that's all they're doing it for they're just doing it for that weird mo have nothing going on they just want to pat themselves on the back and also if you hate my joke go hate it

tell your friends why do you have to publicly hate it that's when I think it gets fishy That's when I go oh so you just want the recognition that you hate it that shows your moral superiority your actually trying to save the world you don't care about injustice you just want to let other people know that you're on the right side or quote-unquote right side the certainly a lot of that going on there's also a lot of people that just they just get offended and that's okay and but they want you to know they want

you to know that they're offended Yes what social media is for sometimes I don't even at you they just go I'm pissed at this guy and who's with me and all that and you're like well talk to me just tell me how you feel and we'll work it out I know I didn't mean to hurt you why are you telling everyone else why does this have to be public that that's where I raise my eyebrow figure out a way to get a hold you privately how ie maybe but even I did so was just complaining

you talk privately you're Gonna go back and forth this one person in one show I used to you know and I gave it's a volume issue right right you can't there's two and the people that are more apt to complain or also more apt to be annoying it's possible yeah it's like say that the numbers go up at least in terms of percentages mm-hmm it's a tool that's what it is it is this new broadcast tool their tools and and people are using it irresponsibly right and you know I think anybody using it to Attack

people I mean unless there's someone that really [ __ ] deserves it like they're doing something that's threatening to mock restores of course there's health in life yeah so they're Daxing people that you know you want everybody know hey we've got a criminal amongst us right right other than that there's just too much hate it's too it's it's a bandwidth issue for you as a human being I think you're right I was explaining this to a friend talking About negative stuff I was like if if you spend if you let's say your brain has 100

points of whatever the [ __ ] it is that that comprises your bandwidth if you think about something negative that you could avoid you have ten points that are now dedicated to the stupid yeah yeah it's bouncing around your head now I only have 90 points things you love exactly maybe there's a few other things well and then maybe you go on Twitter and you start arguing with people now It's 80% of your [ __ ] bandwidth I know but if you avoid then you start thinking am i a [ __ ] for not standing

up for myself or B am I out of the sight should I be a little bit in the zeitgeist and keep up with a few things am I am I out to lunch too much am I out of touch both valid points so then you got that to worry about yeah but I I just think it's I don't know it's kind of gross like the like that's why I like Andrew yang I'm vote for yang all day Yeah because he gotten he got in I don't to bring up the whole SNL thing because that's been

done to death but he emailed the guy or tweeted the guy and said hey let's let's talk like I don't like what you did but it's a teachable moment or whatever and we can let's see if you're really a bad guy and I think that's the woking of all instead of just going [ __ ] this guy I'll kill him yeah the locust thing is for the asian guy to reach out and have a conversation yeah and he Seems like a very sincere guy I've had him on the podcast and I talked to him Andrew

yang is a big fan very intelligent guy and gay um but you know people would be suspicious like is he doing that right it's always gonna be that well I'm uh what do you call it naive you're optimistic I'm not saying that I would think he was but I did hear something uh I find out this is true Andrew yang say that he the solution like someone one of the things to stop Getting people to eat meat is to to tax it so high and make it so expensive they don't want it enough no I

just I can't believe that he really said that it was one of those things in a Twitter tweet and I looked at it on somebody else's pee I just out of nowhere saw it I was like I don't want to look into this no no let me let me let me later no listen I enjoyed the [ __ ] out talking that guy and I was right about universal basic income I think we're gonna run into a Time where so many jobs removed so quickly that you know people are gonna be in a bad place

and that if there was something that you know could give them enough money for food and shelter and necessities so you could tide them over while they're looking for employment or try to change their life I think I'd be good for everybody yeah hear hear I hear the arguments against it too though I'm not you know yeah people say it kills people's Motivation right there's that and then they don't have purpose they don't have media ass getting free money well my second it's live I can't watch the video and it says is this and the

eggs pitched alone and says government needs to target modify Americans diet to eat less now that's weird tell me what to eat here's the thing you can't say that because there's people that would I mean he's Gonna experience this there's a whole group online called defending beef that talks about ranchers and the way people look at the cattle industry and that a lot of it has been sort of distorted and one cow feeds a lot of [ __ ] people Cher and a lot of [ __ ] people from one cow yeah it's one death

I don't know if people consider like a cow to be a better life than a mouse yeah have some use the whole Buffalo thing if the cow is supposed to have a more important Life than a mouse but if you're buying grain I can guarantee you that there's mice that have died in the procuring of that grain we run that combine over those fields all kinds of [ __ ] gets [ __ ] chopped up in them a lot of things die animals get displaced pesticides kill them when you see buzzards flying over fields after

they cut the crops down that's because there's dead animals all in there oh yeah a lot of them you know that's just That's a fact you know and if this idea that the way to stop people from killing is to make it to try to alter the American diet get them to stop eating meat like it's just it's not sustainable to look at it this way we're looking at in a dishonest way yeah it doesn't know all the facts right it doesn't know all the facts in terms of like nutrition value there's way more nutrition

value in steak especially grass-fed steak sure then almost for the way your body Digests proteins and enzymes like this idea that a plant-based diet is all you need to go by and that we all need to move on to that that is not right for everybody now is not then neither is a meat eating die that's not right for everybody either people are better off with just fish some people are better off there's a lot of people that are vegetarians they're fine oh yeah but for him to say that for the whole country you're wrong

yeah that's kooky and There's people that are there they're ranchers they've been cattle ranchers forever people buy their meat they know what's happening they it's not like they're confused they don't they know the cows gonna die and then they're gonna eat it and everybody agrees that this is acceptable this is a part of being a human and this is the cycle of life yeah now you don't have to agree with that but for you to say you're gonna change the entire American diet Well that's nonsense you ain't changing [ __ ] now you're not changing

[ __ ] I don't know if that's exactly how he said it I don't think I'm reading it I can't hear what he said but it's roped into propaganda yeah that's scary and then I thought he was against propaganda that's why I like he's like a computer you know but I think you say it about some environment this is a big one this is really big because they're always talking about the cattle industry and It's affecting the environment arting there's a there's a [ __ ] chart on that Shawn Baker's page dr. Shaun Baker the

guy was the carnivore advocate but it's it's just it shows like in a pie chart how much of the methane that's produced and how much of the effect of the environment is because of the ranching and cattle industry it's just tiny little sliver oh really oh they act like it's putting a whole no zone layer it's [ __ ] pollution and a Factory trucks and cars and some of the ozone layer I think for the I don't know if this is right not a scientist that it's getting smaller for the first time only years uh

uh from how far it's cow farts are healing it yeah smaller is good I just don't like a guy who thinks he's gonna fix the diet of everyone you Mike what you view out indeed debates with people who are Pro carnivore or Pro omnivorous diet people that have changed their health because They started eating organ meats and they I mean there's a guy named Chris crecer I've had him on my show a couple of times and he's he explains like what goes wrong with a vegetable based diet with a vegan diet with some people yes

some people have these nutritional deficiencies and it leads itself to chronic illness and it happened with him and he explains it and it doesn't mean that you can't live on a vegetable diet the problem is people get cultish with This [ __ ] and they jump on you know they will they want you to think only the way they do and they have virtue in their their way of doing the problem you know this the vegans want you to think that they're doing right and they're causing no harm unless you're growing your own [ __

] vegetables in your own little organic backyard you're definitely causing some harm are you causing less animal harmful that's debatable what about insects do You count insects because they're getting smashed and crushed if you're getting they do large-scale grain operations yeah yeah well we do it all day long but could you imagine what it took me to way we'd have like meat speakeasies and [ __ ] where we'd have to like hide meat there announcer in schools really yeah they're doing cool schools there they're giving kids meatless meals [ __ ] terrible for them yeah

for developing kids food was never So not it's all dog [ __ ] yeah but they need some animal protein most kids do when they're growing up I mean this is one of the reasons why vegans have been arrested for having malnourished being is that right yeah you never heard of that no I don't really common Wow onions get arrested for having malnourished babies it's been in the news many times oh that's terrifying you're not getting enough nutrients I grew up on a lot of Shellfish and I've noticed a lot of my New York friends

can't eat shellfish yeah that's real common yeah common but I so good imagine not having shrimp I know that's kooky I would have to kill myself we found out on fear factor that if you're allergic allergic to shellfish you all you're also allergic to roaches what yeah I grew up with both of those they're you know not eating we wrote but we had a shitty house we had a an episode of fear factor we serve these People in Madagascar hissing cockroaches as throat started closing up just seeing it it's no just being around at 108

one call the EMT and I think they shoot you up with a gentleman I think wow yeah we had did you have roaches in your house as a kid oh yeah me too and they would fly remember that remember somebody in New Orleans thing yeah I grew up in the heart of New Orleans remai wasn't in my neighborhood Theo Vaughn was like more sticks outside Of it but I was I was in the city and it was terrifying it was a rough-and-tumble City when I was there yeah my dad got a wild hair possess and

bought a match a dilapidated mansion in a poor black neighborhood and you know like no running water for a while he turned the back half into a bed-and-breakfast because we ran out of money it was I was afraid we got robbed all the time because we were the white family in the neighborhood and everybody thought we Had money because of our big house so we got robbed constantly I walked in on a couple robberies as a kid my alarm would go off at like two in the morning is that like an eight-year-old that's you just

know there's a guy in your living room scrapping around oh it was banana that's why I'm so squirrely cuz that really [ __ ] with me for sure my bike got stolen all the time from under me I had a transvestite nanny was growing up Named eNOS I know this sounds crazy but uh they don't use that word anymore was that transvestite well he would he wasn't trans he just had women's clothing on right mrs. Doubtfire right but like they don't Mo's last time you saw someone even refer to things that way what does a

drag queen I don't know what you would call it now I mean it either you're trans you transgender or you non-binary what are you he was a dude he was a big Black dude right he looked like Ving Rhames but he would wear high heels and a wig yeah and he would sweep the house so was he trans he how would you say dick I don't say trans and then it has is all inclusive transvestite enter yeah I guess why not right yeah but that's a big umbrella I think they've abandoned transvestite but it has

a meaning it's the clothing it is but I don't know well is is it out looked I transvestitism comes up on Wikipedia when I change three letters or else you go on about control these this language is all control it's certainly a big part of it compliance is a big part of what's going yes comply I want you to comply I call it compassion yeah okay where's the compassion with a guy who loves sorry getting lost in the weeds so I had a transgender a transvestite nanny and he taught me everything like he taught me

how to fight and put the seat up and like go on a date with a girl on How to do this with a car yeah because my parents were always working because the house was so big they had to afford it that's so ridiculous it was crazy man we had we had roaches and mice and we I remember we didn't have lights in the house we had those like mechanic lamps in your room that's how you really yeah like had a light in your room it was a weird way to grow up but then the

back half was serene it was like a Bed-and-breakfast and we had traveling musicians and like asian asian businessmen coming in I tried to pitch this as a show and everybody's like this is too dark nobody would take it but the racial tension was insane and how many times you guys think you're wrong oh I mean you get robbed real good like six times a year Oh oh yeah oh yeah and you guys stayed yeah how about this So eNOS was like my male role model you know this big black guy in a wig and one

time I was riding home from summer camp and you know these three street toughs you know we're put you know coming up next to me three of them like hey man let us try your bike and I was like I'm good you know I knew what they wanted and I was like I'm good no thank you and they're like come on they're doing their their back tire or their front tire against my back you know that move and Starting to skid me out a little bit so I go all right all right and these kids

are 17 I'm probably like 13 and they're like all right let me just try it so I remember I kept my hand on the handle and he got on it and he's like God and he just brushed my hand away and just went check yeah and rode off and I was like guy so I ran home crying and I got there and eNOS is like what happened I'm like huh couple of kids took my bike and it was Like the fourth time so he's like [ __ ] that get in the van I'm like I'm

good you know I'm so defeated you know I'm so it's so emasculating you feel like a [ __ ] so I was like I'm good he's a get in the van we had a big van and we're drive around the neighborhood looking for my bike I don't see these guys again I just want to let it go and he's like we're gonna find that bike we're driving around and we go some back streets we see these Kids on a stoop like taking it apart you know cuz you got a camouflage with a little so I'm

like and he's like is that your bike I'm like yeah I'm sludged down and shotgun like yeah my bike let's just get out of here [ __ ] it abort and he goes up to these guys he walks up to these guys and he's wearing high heels a wig and like a v-neck and he looks weird it's the 90s and he goes up to these guys and they're all going they all lose it cuz I like look at this [ __ ] [ __ ] They're all going crazy and they're flipping out and call him

names and stuff and this guy was stone-cold and he goes that's not your bike and I go what are you gonna do about it and this is like five kids with tools you know and he goes I'm gonna take it back and they were like I don't think you are or whatever and I remember he put his hand on the middle bar of the bike just to kind of see what happened looked him in the eye Yanked it and he said that's what I thought through the bike over shoulder walk to the van slid the

door open threw it in close the door we drove home whoa unbelievable I mean talk about a 13 year old seeing like that's like oh that's what a man is that was that changed my life Wow unbelievable I never wrote it again my idea what if they beat him to death with wrenches well then I'm stuck in the van crying I want to learn to drive real Quick but no I mean leave the keys I think he did yeah I think it was running but III just because you know when your kid and you see

these bully types you're just like I could never beat him yeah and then it's a see someone beat him was so it was mind-boggling I loved him ever since that I mean I loved him before but uh he's still in touch with him now he died he got killed in a sexual encounter oh well he was Hooking up with a guy and the dong came out and the guy flipped and killed him yeah he was like a burlesque dancer by night so he got it he got it you know do Orleans is a it's a

wild devil of a lady but yeah he he was a good egg and I'm I I needed him growing up cuz my I had no parents around you know my parents are weird guy I don't know if you noticed but I can't make eye contact I've been doing it pretty good but uh yeah I don't know I don't know how to connect but That enos stuff was great he was a cool dude you've always had that with your parents did they do that with you as well they don't connect yeah they're like military tough you

know you know they provide it and all that but I think that's why I like comedy because you know the audience laughs and you go hey we're feeling this there's some happening here right and that that's I like the truth of comedy because you go okay I'm not crazy We're all agreeance yeah cuz the laugh is kind of an agreeance in a weird way yeah yeah everybody's like right yeah exactly that's why the involuntary in voluntariness and voluntariness of a laugh is like interesting because you like you couldn't help it you [ __ ] that

word up so much I forgot what the rule is involuntary involuntary and is that a word in voluntariness probably not involuntary ability yeah Involuntary and Valen I think would just be involuntary I guess the involuntary response yeah okay yeah the involuntary response is so you can't help it that uh that's yeah is that a word involuntariness Wow that's public school folks look at that always tearing this that I love that yes I've ever heard that before you ever heard of it's with an iron Phil I Wow we'll get it there there you go see we're

learning low love of language Would look right if someone sent me that attack I feel like you've verbose piece of [ __ ] ever boats is not bad either they're better mine too that's pretty good vomit Aaron Terry Ness yeah Wow I know that's uh thing are done without ones will an involuntary participant in what turned out to be an argument there you go interesting look at that we're learning we are [ __ ] learning here but yeah yeah you've been in New Orleans before I loved it it's a Couple years ago the last time

I was there I think maybe two years ago not the best crowds if I'm being honest he's comedies not our thing we like strippers and booze and parties and you know brothels and all that but Mardi Gras jazz comedies not ours it was fun I'd look I enjoyed it I had a good time yeah it was there once I did a House of Blues there and then after my show there was a burlesque show and I stuck around to watch the burlesque show and I just Didn't quite get it yeah for less sucks it seemed

like let's be honest yeah it's it's like just either strip or become a real dancer because who's confusing you're taking something off but it's not all the way so the whole thing's a tease what's also like what is why you dance in that way this is it sexy is it not sexy yeah what's also my own head I'm like why do I give a [ __ ] people all right it's very indulgent yeah it feels like this is all for you this should be An even even thing here I should be entertained right but also

some people must enjoy it they have burlesque show so why do I give a [ __ ] if other people enjoy what I think is dumb no I don't care if they enjoy it I just I do Oh I get mad at them they can do whatever they like I got bad taste I just upset it myself yeah for wanting to know why why people when there's certain things that people like that I don't like I want to know Why I guess I have that too I'm like what do you see in that comics really

oh that guy or that gal yeah yeah when when you if you have to follow someone that's terrible and the audience is laughs oh you like you have disdain for them completely laugh at them yes nonsense I know and movies - I mean but we open then we all have our guilty pleasure [ __ ] - don't we so we all we all have our thing we like so you gotta be sympathetic yeah but that's it's less Time worrying about what other people like yeah live your life I think there's a lot of people just

looking for problems oh sure I just want have you seen the documentary they shall never grow old do you want to fake beer sure this is alright we're drinking alcohol you ever try that white claw by the way yes that's exciting it's excited when a new thing is invented remember when Red Bull was new That was excited now uber and a white cloth yeah I love white cloth what exactly is in it I said I think people forget about Zima ever existed liked Zima you're the one I would drink Zima people get mad at me

this is how manly enough like I wear a fanny pack - I don't think those are water and it's less filling what this is like why is it supposed to be manly to drink something to taste like [ __ ] like what is that well how did God like wine coolers go For guys in the night yeah but if you were a guy you're in a wine coolers you cried a lot yeah you're the James Taylor yeah I want to do picnics you [ __ ] and like meticulously make a picnic and alcohol though right

yeah barely you feel that man you're in the wine coolers the girl's gonna leave you it's true and that's what the weird thing about oh we should all have emotions but yet there's a little tinge in your veg when I pop a wine cooler That's not good and it's drying up there's the wine it has a level of emotions yeah well that's to know you care exactly that's what makes this interesting is we're different we'd like to go pretend like we're the same but if we're the same how come men suck now when the [

__ ] hits the fan you're gonna want us around right right whines okay though my school is like a wine tastes like [ __ ] I hate wine uh I Mean I can't drink wine the way you could drink like 7up you know he's 7up you can just throw back a glass a couple you can't you gig squirrelly crazy Chardonnay drink a bottle of wine that's girls wine okay but red wine like no one drinks a glass of red wine like a 7up you know I mean yeah maybe like a wine oh yeah like an

iced tea you drink an iced tea you drink the iced tea yes never drink wine like that it makes you thirsty R sip it you enjoy it I like it That way I enjoy one I don't like it but it doesn't taste good in terms of like it's a different kind of taste like I enjoy the taste yeah makes my my tongue thick I like it you know what I mean I hate that it's like a brick of wood and get the purple lips the red teeth and I understand I feel yeah I know what

you're saying but see this movie it's gonna change it I thought on the plane I I I was blowing my mind on the plane Here there it is I know we're getting into like dude [ __ ] here and like an [ __ ] but Jackson Peter Jackson did it that's it's so well done it's unbeliev the footage they have of World War One is unbanned I'm not like a war buff or anything it's unbelievable with these people went through and how they joked through it how they had smiles and how they they had to

[ __ ] themselves and they got Gangrene and it couldn't clip their toenails put the camaraderie and the the fact that they wanted to go to war they each I'm having goals they're like I got nothing going on the factory's closed I'm going to war [ __ ] it and they all died like you know 80% of them died but the ones that came back they're like I saw my best friend next to me they all talked to the old people you never hear this [ __ ] it's amazing this footage they have unbelievable this

is them Practicing this is nothing but when they get into the [ __ ] they show it they got footage of the people's heads blowing off and just the fear in their eyes and like these are 19 year old kids smoking cigar their fingers are shaking you're like I can barely I'm nervous to make a phone call I don't wanna check my voicemail they're British first of all the teeth back that up okay their [ __ ] teeth look at these guys well they'll have a toothpaste now there look At look at their teeth these

are kids that living out in the land look at their [ __ ] teeth they got one uniform for four years one uniform the boots were hell I mean the the cigarettes were currency it was crazy your rifle was your best friend I mean it makes you realize how weak you are and how tough they were and look that's from mustard gas now they gotta walk the blind guys around like everything was the thing that they had to dig trenches Every day was brutal look at that come on the rats my god the rats Wow

yeah crazy and then the stench of the dead horses they said was indescribable I mean it's how long was it moving yeah you know it's an hour and change this is their day off they sit on their day up they didn't know what to do they just was like we just were shot at for four years and bombed and now we're sitting here and they said it was just silence the whole day they didn't know what to Talk about or what like that's them playing they're trying to make the most of it hey the guy

said it was weird how much comedy came up because you needed it you were so miserable ah dude you gotta see it this should be this should be required viewing like I just shot his own helmet off on accident now that's they got a beer I mean it's crazy the gas mass I don't know who that kid is that's them burying I mean it's Unbelievably fun egde I can't believe they pulled this footage together Wow I'm really talking it up and I'm not a war guy but it's so well done it should be required viewing

every school well that's about as far back as we can go wavy film maybe like with what is it was a film was like they had the late 1800s right it was at the earliest film and as far as like historical events like war that's probably as far back as we can go can't be a lot of sound they have then Right a little bit not much not much narration okay yeah if you think about historical events that were documented like um how far back do they go before World War one it's about yeah that's

1914 so probably nothing maybe some reels like that spinny Cinna scope thing that's a window and time you know oh yeah they had nothing going on and the weird thing is they say when they came back nobody gave a [ __ ] they're like I Just saw this and pure like yeah yeah we're doing this now and he's like I just gave my life for you and this and their rise again what are you gonna do that's weird they had a different appreciation for life and you know the guys that do wind up going to

war one of the things that you know Sebastian Junger is he's a journalist who wrote books on war and he wrote a book called tribe this is a really interesting book it talked a lot About this sort of thing that happens with these guys like The Hurt Locker remember the guy wanted to go back yeah like the the sense of camaraderie and of being alive and the excitement of life it's like this heightened state like so many of them describe war time this horrific time as some of the most memorable moments it's like the happiest

moment of their life or they're the most attached to their brothers and their comrades right it did it boils Everything down to the basics of survival and I think we've kind of lost that now we have so much you know we got dine and dash or whatever the hell you said diner - whatever you know the McDonald's coming right to you yeah like you don't have to there's the survival we've cushioned it so much that we're sitting up here on eight blankets eight mattresses where it used to be just you're on the floor yeah and

kind of live the heightened Experience of knowing that life is fleeting and seeing people die around you I mean that's I had a friend of mine who was from Israel and he's he was always like laughing and dancing and playing bongo drums show like this and I said why is this like where you're from and Israel is it like this it goes yes everybody party party I go why he goes because it tomorrow you could be dead hey Marv you could be dead every day party party what did I say the more you Have the

more you complain these guys are like hey we could die at any moment we get bombed let's live baby it gives people like a feeling of like all the systems are firing I think one of the things about people with sedentary lifestyles and not no goals and no activity in their life it's like your body just starts to fall apart it doesn't want to live yeah it just doesn't want and then starts feeling bad yes all the Time just feel shitty yes it's like a dog almost not to compare us to dogs but if you

don't give the duck you know the dog wants to hear what to do a little bit you know you got to give it a little bit of order or else it just like biting his own tail they need activity yes they have a lot of energy total well we do too oh yeah oh yeah but we're trying to take energy away like everything is built like the internetting just sit there all Day it's not good if you don't need to go outside yeah that's not good for people it's not good for people also to be

in these weird virtual environments all day long yes talking to people without actually talking to people completely I mean this is why the moped is so time on that thing I got the wind in my hair I get off the moped I'm onstage like whoo I'm alive baby yeah you know I got that kiss of wind And I'm on stage talking to random strangers then somebody hands you a wad of cash you jump back on the moped you go bang your girlfriend woo have a beer living baby living queef yeah yeah I love it yeah

it's um those are real experiences the reasons why people still love comedy yes it's a live real experience where the cut where the entertainment where cockroach's of the entertainment world you know you can't bomb us we'll keep Coming back because you need the truth these action movies and you need comedy those are two to stalwarts yeah John wick is going strong oh my god yeah it's the most murderous movie of all time and the time where everybody wants to get rid of guns this guy kills everybody and everybody loves them I know love's Keanu Reeves

seems like probably the nicest guy that's ever existed I know he seems like a cool dude and he's got what is it he's got a Motorcycle collection yeah well he's a yeah it's aficionado that's the only thing that bummed me out about John wick 3 is there's no muscle cars oh yeah you have no muscle cars boy see part of the problem I see your your your fame and whatnot and I the cars or what really makes me I don't care I don't need money or fame I don't care about any of that I don't

even want to be famous I'd rather have a nanana - and an eminence yeah anonymous sorry Anonymous life its coffee and the booze and the non-alcoholic it's I don't I don't want to be there I was talking to re he's like I want to go to a music festival and I said yes I'm with you so you're all euro you're huge you're famous man that scares me but when you pulled up I don't want to tell you this it was [ __ ] a little I was walking in the comedy store to do some [

__ ] in the belly room work on my uber bit and You pulled up and that [ __ ] Chevy Corvette the silver one the stingray that thing oh my god i [ __ ] my [ __ ] leaked it was so hot then you pulled in you parked it I was like now that's what I want I want to have a cool car that's why I bought the moped - it kind of satiated that car thing but I want a 69 Porsche 911 Irish green tan interior ah 69 you want the long hood yeah

I like the old stuff it looks better to me - yeah Hashtag yeah they'll they'll take those and they'll put like really good motors in them now - that's like the singer [ __ ] yeah the singer [ __ ] but there's also a bunch of companies that do it in a way where you could drive it everywhere you're dealing with a half a million dollar car yeah yeah coolest looking car to me I love that [ __ ] car it's it's cute but also got balls and also sexy it's got everything to me this

is a bunch of guys who take those Cars in the hotrod amount and then yeah I don't need all that the 993 engine and they put it in there so it has more power yeah I just wanna I just want it to be a driver you know I want to go back and forth daily with it can they do that can they destroy yeah I don't actually probably be more reliable than these old engines right I would imagine yeah even if you get in a car with an old engine unless it's all been completely refurbished

you're dealing With a hundred fifty thousand two hundred thousand who knows I mean he has course but I grew up when I was a kid I bought a 71 Cutlass convertible supreme and it was the coolest car ever but it would break down you know once a month and I'd be I'd be at a bar like [ __ ] and they were so embarrassing I'd have to like push it around the block so I could start it and try to like play with it cuz you don't wanna start outside the bar your friends would laugh

at you yeah So I would have to like tinker with it and it was [ __ ] brutal and I always said if I ever got rich I'm gonna buy a nice car and just put a good engine in it this is these things they they're so fickle yeah what's like like that's your dream car is a 69 Porsche well right now because I'm not very financially stable so that's that's probably my ceiling but I would probably go and raise you around Manhattan yeah small Oh God my dream do you know how to drive one

those [ __ ] could you teach me stick you don't know how to drive stick I drove stick like you don't want to learn on a Porsche well obviously maybe you can still get rental cars with a stick yeah it's not hard to learn you learn in five minutes no yes I did it once this place I don't know it's listen RTG I could teach you in ten Let's film that yeah that could be a fun video you don't want to do one that's hard but you know a Porsche look especially an old one it's

also the hinge on the floor it's a different setup yeah like the ones that most of them are coming like the way Porsches are it's like on a hinge it's it feels different all the things are there connected at the bottom instead of connected and dropping down I've got a modern car everything drops down right Push it you have to learn that that feels a little bit different and then you know like those those cars are tricky are they yeah yeah yeah the you you have to learn how to drive them like this is something

called live throttle oversteer so if you're taking a turn with an old 911 and on the turn you let off the gas you're nice and he'll kick out what yeah yeah it's called lift throttle oversteer and it's because there's there a rear-engine car right There not a mid-engine car there were rear end swings out the engine is actually behind the tires yeah so there's something that happens as you're going around a corner when you let off the gas it just wants to spin mm-hmm yeah and they didn't have much grip either they had those ones

the problem with those ones versus the hotrod ones is they have little skinny-ass [ __ ] tires because that's all anybody had back then those tires suck dick yeah They're not good you want fat grip you know you want a toy or a Michelin or a [ __ ] you know killer the ark compound tire right so you could drive around corners and you know get some real [ __ ] traction alright because that thing you have to learn how to drive that thing it's not it's not a regular car I thought they were the

best drivers like I everything's like a Porsche you know the new ones sure if you got a new one Yeah they drive amazing and those things are interesting what they are is like really mechanical like I have an old one out there yeah but see it a 93 RS America oh nice it's really light it's got a roll cage in and no air conditioning no radio no nothing just it's all just engine and fun oh but that car is tricky yeah there's no traction control you know you like you got a the first time I

drove around the corner I said let me see what It's like what I've lay off the gas and mid corner it's like yeah yeah so you kind of hate driving no no I had to tightened up a company called shark works did a bunch of things to it and tighten up the suspension and we changed the tires got a grippier that fatter tire and it's just they're just the thing about those cars is so thrilling especially a car that doesn't have automatic power steering and it has a manual transmission so it's all you see You

feel every [ __ ] bump of the road yeah you're attached that's there's no numbness in the steering right it's alive and it's the rear engine so the front end is kind of light yeah yeah you can move it around pretty good even though it doesn't have power steering and you hear the gears in salt air cooled so gears and [ __ ] it's an easy sound an engine anyone else hard they make me hard yeah that's a that's the most viscerally thrilling car to drive It's not nearly as fast as like my Tesla the

Tesla buries all of them I know but the Tesla has no soul feel it feels like to me it feels so electric I got nothing that's a lecture but it doesn't feel like a machine it feels like it's like a vacuum cleaner or something it's been driven one of course not yeah that's the thing I've never been in one I was we've got well let you drive - when you drive it it's uh it makes you feel like oh okay other cars are just Stupid other cars are stupid idea really oh my god it doesn't

make any sense huh there's no gears right it doesn't go for a second it does that faster than anything you've ever been in your life yeah that's it like rollercoaster fast this is how fast it is okay they just did a Nurburgring time the Nurburgring is this famous track in Germany yeah this is a very very famous where times of cars speeding around the Nurburgring has always been like the Benchmark okay like denial four-minute mile it's a big deal like I have a gt3 RS which is a like really essentially a race car for the

street and that supposedly goes around the Nurburgring I think somewhere in the neighborhood of seven minutes and forty something seconds this K new Tesla just did it's seven minutes and 20 seconds oh wow that's so that's 20 plus seconds faster yeah Porsche race car that's insane because it doesn't have to shift doesn't Have to shift and it has this crazy power the power and the acceleration it's not like anything I've ever experienced in my life I've had all kinds of muscle cars I've got all kinds of different things like you know I've had big cars

and small cars that thing is a totally different animal yeah animal this is all news to me I thought it Tesla went bankrupt it's [ __ ] nuts you're doing these shows tonight yeah I'll bring it and Then what roads will drive it at all don't do words for me I don't know you need experience all right I appreciate a Salesman yeah apparently it's capable of doing that seventh oh hey we did it no what do you mean it says it's possible it broke it did a 724 there right now broke the brokedown win during

the race what what it's not a Rory during the time trial well they definitely for sleeve one they complete Porsche passed them with are they racing Watch a video of the Porsche passing a brokedown Tesla on the Nurburgring that is that this is bad today's Tesla like that they're doing okay this is worse for Elon than the weed smoking no it makes sense all right you if you're going around a track on a car that has a it's all batteries and heats up they they had real concerns about that this is their tweet says it

can't achieve it it didn't say it achieve it well how do we know if It can if it didn't data from our track tech indicates but I thought they had a second one what are some improvements 705 may be possible but they definitely did 723 or something like that which is still insanely impressive yeah yeah pull up Nurburgring laps a Tesla 723 but no there's more than one test this was the second they started doing it a couple of days ago mm-hmm what they're trying to do is beat Porsches electric Car Porsche has his badass

new electric car that they just came out to take on yeah minute one test that completed that lap a very on official time of 7:23 how did you say very unofficial it says very unofficial how's that mean so like they probably left it to Tesla to measure it maybe right that's probably it means not a judge how do you know anything about Nurburgring I just from playing video games in the video game tracks it's a dope track in this video game do they Make you do they have an official that gives you like the ready

set go like how do they do that I'd be like the video game Grand Turismo yeah yeah that makes sense like you would have to have an official you couldn't trust you know like what companies lie about how much their gas like guzzlers right cars I didn't didn't that happen Volkswagen they lied about the gas mileage they got in trouble a that was it emissions or gas mileage I think was emissions yes Right so companies will lot still definitely live up to acceleration informal a timed informally timed on the circuit at 7:23 stop watch was

timing but made by a correspondent of the German publication Auto Motor and sport okay so they at least had a journalist that was doing it the Tesla did have the advantage of using race compound tires doesn't account for the almost twenty second advantage over the Porsche ty can mmm besides lap times 7 42 yeah they're A burger I've got another way even the Porsche one that's 742 that is [ __ ] insanely fast for a four-door car yes mainly crazy so they're all insanely fast and if you could find the difference between the Tesla and

the Porsche in daily driving I think you're an [ __ ] because you're probably driving way too [ __ ] fast you know you could tell the difference between 723 which is insane yeah 747 right that sucks it broke down though well I think Those things overheat uh-uh I think you're not supposed to drive them like that I think you're supposed to drive them like you would drive a regular car still pretty cool that it did it no it's it's pretty incredible and this is like the the reality of electric cars is that we're basically

in like sort a fetal stage or you know we're in like a grammar school State yeah there's gonna be a college athlete and an Olympic stage we got a ways to go Yeah they're they're really just getting going with this [ __ ] and if they made some breakthroughs with with batteries like the amount of juice you can get out of a battery yeah if they did that and had them like thousands of miles of range instead of like the really good one today I think is like 315 I think is the most you can

get 315 miles okay but that's if you don't drive like a dick right right well let me sorry Jamie I just recently heard through something I Was looking up someone else mentioned on the podcast that I did sudden about solid state batteries being worked on right now have you ever heard anything about that no it sounds like it would be useful for this I don't even understand his stall what does that mean I don't know it's like how solid-state hard drives are completely different from hard drive just maybe the same kind of thing I don't

that's where I'd really didn't Understand I was looking it up and I felt like I felt a simulation because the guys name is good enough the scientist is 97 years old and he's done a bunch of I mean how much think about how much you need batteries and how little do you know about batteries I don't know jack [ __ ] about batteries come on who does I have I'm like I hear the new I got a new iPhone got a good battery right it's gonna give me more time well after plugging I mean throw

This one at you sloppy joe they say you should never buy your dream car because then you got nowhere to go from there that's nonsense you think so most people are [ __ ] I mean it could be some two and I'm like a Dali Lama [ __ ] all right Munson you want to have something to strive for you got another to strive you just enjoy it you do that I strive to write better jokes I strive to do better sets but that's not it's never-ending The beauty of this it's never going to end

yeah the car thing is just cars are just cool they don't stop angry do you not park that Corvette I get on and look at it and go [ __ ] look at this thing yeah that's what I do dude when you pull up the light was the Sunset Boulevard lights were glimmering off of it it was pretty juicy tonight the 1965 Corvette like that shape yes they just nailed it but that's again that's no committee that's just Some guy designing I feel like everything now is so cornered and curved and boring well they have

to be aerodynamic now and also we rely on them to get these good lap times well like I don't even think they've released the Corvette's lap time on the Nurburgring I don't think they release an official lap time for the Z Z 51 of the zo6 or even the zr1 I don't think the the big league Corvette I don't Think they ever released a laptop that's a big track like for a car look if you want to compete with Porsche or you know there's other major sports car brands a company has to release a lap

time with a Nurburgring early somewhat Laguna Seca you have to have you know there's that the freeway the one in there's one in Atlanta that's really good - uh-huh doing it but they didn't release the time I guess yeah well then it must have not have been good I mean it's real Simple you know the speed is cool but this car looks silly to me does it yeah this is like a that's silly that's looks a little joke to me really yeah I mean it's to me this is like too much this is [ __

] you know it just it looked like have you seen it like pull up oh there's no style you don't think that looks I mean it stop this is like gaudy and over-the-top I don't know it's to me this is not sexy mmm I like subtle okay so you like old classic yes yes There's some art to it this just looks like John wick was driving that 1970 Chevelle you like I love that I love that I love that at 70 Chevelle white with the black stripes oh it's a car that's a fun time yeah

that's when I bought that car as a teen I 71 Cutlass it looks so good but they need the reality hits you like this thing's [ __ ] up the alternator's sucks and then the starter breaks and then the rust and all that like I didn't think About all that as a kid there he is right there oh man look at that [ __ ] car see if you have the money you can just keep that car up yeah well that's the classic one - the black with white stripes that's like when I was a

kid good band one of the buddies in my neighborhood his friend had a black with white stripes Chevelle and he gave me really I'm thinking the Baloch beating this guy's Karluk how could anybody own this yeah how do you sleep actly knowing That you have a 1970 Chevelle in your garage oh yeah I would just get up in the middle of night and touch it yeah that car right there with the [ __ ] the black with the white stripe City when he slammed into that motorcycle rider used hauling ass all around the town that's

an incredible car I remember having a car when you were kid look at that Citibank that ruins that whole [ __ ] shot right there but I didn't Even notice yeah I'm an animal the the thing about when you have a car as a kid it's such a big deal that you cleaned it remember you'd liked cleaning it it was like fun you know you got in there and you change the oil and then you [ __ ] with the tires and you rotated them it was you loved it it was like a thing you

loved you know and I would [ __ ] me up though I bought an Audi Fox and I had a neighbor that had like it was a 1972 or something Like that outtie Fox it was pretty cheap I don't know how he [ __ ] it was a weird little tiny car that was a manual transmission yeah that was exactly that cute I had a tan one I had one that was basically the color looks like Brad Williams they've cut right to the left of that picture right below that one yeah that color that's basically

the color that I had the brain how much it was like a tan it wasn't that that gross looking yeah yeah It's like at an Audi Fox but four-door um I think it was a two-door do they mean I two-door yeah as a joke that's it that's kind of got a style to it it's got a subtle subtle subtle lines on it but what I learned is that little cars handle so much better yeah I drove that little car around I was like oh like that these other cars of them driving these muscle cars are

pigs right you could just really jerk that thing around some turns well as a front-wheel drive Car - if I remember correctly the front engine front front-engine front-wheel-drive and like pulled around yeah it's like pulling the car instead of pushing the car right right I was like oh this is a smarter way to do it you know it's a good version of the car it's similar to that that I love it but it'd be my number two is the BMW 2002 oh yeah like a 7 oh that car sexy that's a sexy card well you

know there it is CIA have you seen that a Bronco than I have icon Bronco that is so slick like the Bronco like the OJ or you know it's an old bar el Bronco well the point is it's from put that picture back up there's a company this company icon is gonna take one of those uh-huh and they're gonna put a mm 18 or 19 chassis and engine of the two series BMW that's heaven so that little tiny little car will have like you know probably a 350 horsepower engine and a modern Suspension and modern

brakes and modern transmission he's in the process of building like the first version of that right now Wow he's a wizard he does really cool [ __ ] with cars yeah they're gonna take it look at that just looking there's a guy from Bavarian workshop Marc from bro Varian workshop put together a car that's similar to that he he put a m3 engine and an older 2002 and I actually saw it the other day he was parked in Front of his shop yeah that's it was on Jay Leno's Garage that car is radical that is

a lunch so Jack back up a little bit back up a little bit yeah that's it that's it there's mark right there that's mark Norris uh-huh and um yeah he made this dope car well you nervous about beating big Jay no let-up met him before he's really nice he's always been nice I know but he's like a comedy man at Massachusetts comedy God another Tonight Show and then now this car god He's like two loves he does have that but man he is so much more comfortable and like happy nothing about cars yeah when he

was on The Tonight Show he's basically like you know hey here's this guy yeah Joey Lawrence he pulls out a gun and blows his brains out spring storm an NBC Peacock yeah this is a company man the pitter and he's got an Uzi in his mouth he keeps changing collapses yeah the older guys like Leno and Simon There's so much more Zen now they don't have to Instagram and all that [ __ ] they don't care they're all podcast they don't do any of this [ __ ] they don't do stories and tweets and they

seem like I've hung out with something I want to say we're buddies but I've hung out with him a few times because of comedy and he's like wise and he does he does TM you know and he doesn't drink and he's like centered and he's got a family and he loves comedy and he's got his money And it's just he's he's a good guy to look up to as as a as a comedian and like a business person where you want to be and as a man where you want to be in life and how

you want to be and what you want to be like mmm like dead tonight have you heard about how I met him no oh dude I mean he was my guy like I was doing him when I started and it was embarrassing did you do a guy yeah I did Jenny okay I caught myself on stage once going oh Yes I did an open-mic in New York and in New York they were ruthless and I went on so I was walking to the mic and some kid in the back went and it [ __ ]

crushed me because he was mocking me leveled me because he was right and I after that ever since that day I chewed him out on the mic but I also changed my ways because it hit me right to the core and so you know whatever I'm doing I'm doing four sets of the night and I run over to Gotham and they go hey slow down Buddy you know when you got four sets you got to make those time so really it's like dominoes you lose them all and they go hey slow down Seinfeld's on I

go ah damn I mean that's how jaded we are as comics the biggest comic on the planet is on I'm like I'll [ __ ] I could sit down and watch him but I'm like I got to make my shows so they go don't worry I think he's going short so he gets off and I and they go you got to follow him I go [ __ ] and that's bathroom Break for most people you know Seinfeld is done we're not gonna watch the next douche so he's walking past me off stage I'm walking on

and I go you still got it and he goes hey I like your stuff and he just said that like in passing and I was like oh my god like I figured he would even acknowledge me you know and I'm freaking out so now I go and it's for Merrill Lynch or something it was like a corporate kind of thing so you had to be clean so I go up and I'm I'm beaming from this sign fella compliment then I just [ __ ] level the room I just it's coming out of me it's oozing

out of my eyeballs and I killed and turns out he was watching so not only did I have to go after him but I had to be cleaned thank God I have like eight minutes on school shootings at aphelion midgets so like I had to be clean and it went well and I got off and toes like oh that was fun let's go to the next set he goes hey Came out of the shadows he goes let's go hang out so I go oh my god and it was like a hot lady you know when

you have a good set you got a little juice with her I would never have anything to do with this lady without comedy and we go in the greenroom we talked for an hour and a half I'm [ __ ] myself for the first 10 minutes he's these might here I grew up while watching with my family must-see TV NBC Thursday nights and we're the first 10 minutes I'm [ __ ] because you know you know this guy's face you know his voice and everything so well I know everything he's done I've read his biographies

and [ __ ] and then after 10 minutes is just a comic he's just a Long Island car guy baseball guy comedy guy and it was just super cool and we talked and he goes take my number and I go I'll never I'll never call he goes use it use it and that was it we just texted a little and then as he was as I was Leaving he did a bit that I was new and I go hey I got a tag for you on that cemetary bit and he goes I whatever take it

easy next day what do you got in the cemetery bit now we're texted and I had nothing so now I'd go write a bit you know I had to write a bit in the time you didn't really have anything I thought that was [ __ ] with him so now I'm writing a cemetery bit I'm like I'm googling cemeteries I don't Aires So I came up some headstone pun [ __ ] I said it to him I could tell he was like yeah that's Explo me I have when they say I tried to save it

I wanted to keep it going it's like talking to a supermodel right when I was like but you don't wanna step on Karlin Cemetery bit and he goes wait what's that so I sent him that clip and now we're going back for Doc Karlin and then he and I go I think he's better than prior he goes what are you crazy so now we're going on A Karlin Pryor fight and we just [ __ ] had it that would two hours of texting it was amazing why didn't just call each other you got that conversation

done for a [ __ ] text message where you're also watching TV I know he's 65 till he took forever to get the words out but obvious to see glasses yeah but I didn't want to I didn't want it to end I was happy was long so yeah so now you're besties I wouldn't say that but I'm getting close I wouldn't I wouldn't even Say pretty close I'm closer to you than I am to him you know it's one of them weird ones yeah you don't want to bother and then I get it and then

you don't want to come on too strong where he's like this guy is up my ass because anything bothering that guy exactly so I'm trying to keep him like Colin Quinn and him are buddies and I me and Colin I love by the way very underrated oh yeah super never talked about Colin Quinn genius comedies but with a tough crowd That's my whole comedy world is tough crowd that's like my in flu were you ever on it or no no that was Oh for I started no six I came around I mean I was long

it like maybe second season or something like I don't forget and Colin I hadn't seen him in forever and he was warming up the crowd so he's doing stand-up to warm up the crime yeah I mean in [ __ ] murdering and Arthur and he's like right now doing something that's way better than the show itself Oh this is so weird right like his stand-up but it was very tight and you know and they were a huge Colin Quinn fan yeah tough crowd fans so they were laughing hard but what that show was was the

first show where comics could ball bust yes like we do in the back bar at the store or like we do you know when we're in the green room we talk [ __ ] about each other we round we have fun yeah and we make fun of each other we laugh and it's real it wasn't fake like They try to react that reenact the ball busting and it's always embarrassing you know if someone says something like mark we didn't get coverage on that can you call his momma skank again we didn't get it you know

I've ever depalo had some line he said a Ralphie may was sitting on a big red bean bag chair and de Paula said you look like you jumped out of a plane and land on a Coke machine for three Star Jones one time he bombed and he took a sip and Patrice goes yeah take Another sip of timing I mean so many Zing's and these guys were the king of zing they and they knew each other and it was a genius know was it was a show that I don't even think you could do to

it no it's too real yeah too real well it was very much like stand-ups actually talking [ __ ] to each other well it kind of the way they used to yeah the way they used to now you got really well this guy's you know buy so go easy on them or whatever this is New York this isn't your New York your experience in this yeah all new you are I'm a New York guy right but you don't get that out here oh yeah you live like that I did a show at the store and

I was like there's a lot of guys on the show we're gonna get in trouble and Santino was like shut up this is LA I was like Jesus LA is a full on meritocracy there's a lot of funny women but they have to actually be funny why is that you don't Get on a show just because you're a chick but it's weird that's even controversial like a ribbon is funny minorities blah blah blah everybody why it's it's more offensive to put you on because you have a gash well that's why like I was saying about

this girl that was telling me that she wants to have a certain look for her writers room I'm like that's weird the look should be hilarious yes it would find the funniest [ __ ] people that are willing to work For you right don't worry about I want black gay women I want this I want that listen I don't do it yeah it's a trap cuz you're not gonna get the best show that way of course the best show is fun the best comics if they happen to be all women yeah I get diversity you

want to put it like I don't know all the [ __ ] black people know or Asian people know so get them in here but like just get the funny ones yeah the problem is actual racism yeah It's not and guilt yeah else is a problem that's definitely problem with some folks yeah but but the actual racism is the real problem not like ensuring that this diversity to the point where you're seeking it out yeah eliminating the better candidates that just happen to be a white woman or a white man yeah you know you want

this instead very strange but it's not wise okay because your product is gonna suffer because if you're if someone's Got a skill like the the real problem is someone sitting and it rarely happens I would imagine where someone decides that the far better per like it depends on the job for sure but if if you're in a city like sports it's one of the reasons why Sports is so awesome yeah like in the Jack Johnson days they did try to do that they did try to keep Jack Johnson from fighting for the top of course

husband or a system totally Didn't want a black man to write because he knew he was the best of course they were trying to keep him from being the best but in most areas of life I feel like if you're really good you get ahead and yeah if you don't that's the problem the problem is racism the problem is someone trying to stop you from getting ahead just because you are whatever you want or sexism or Y or sexist yeah yes that's the real problem the response to that is not force diversity there's yes That

is like racism is awful it should all great but it's not that you should force diverse I agree I think it's strange to make a mistake yeah you're making a mistake yeah and it's weird and kind of wrong and kind of gross comedy yeah of course but it's just and I get the whole we got a like we went so far the wrong way then now we're trying to we go far too far the other way but like it's weird that they people can't see that and then they Call you racist and you're like you

don't even have it's always people without black friends who call you racist ironically you know you don't even know any black people and why are you using that word so liberally yeah weird word to say that but you know what I'd like why are you using that word so that's an important word and you can't just like in a world where we can't fat shaming [ __ ] shame you can call racism and sexism so quick races are the worst Thing in America me a bigot is the worst thing maybe pedophilia but like that's weird

that you use that so quick you don't even know the person well it's crazy it's an easy weapon to use it's an easy weapons and Dragons and you've got a battle axe to throw yeah let it fly I agree with this ain't D&D baby this is this is life and people's people's careers will get ruined because you want to win an argument yeah ah it makes me sick and I hate ya now I'm going on but I hate these new it's all whitey by the way I hate these people who get like real evolved all

the sudden and then they gotta tell us about their evolvement it's like yeah we knew that [ __ ] already but we're not going on on social media and having like a big parade about how evolved you are I already knew these people are marginalized in that but just cuz you found out now we got to hear your side that's privileged yeah that's the Ultimate privilege like like these documentaries about I have privilege you can pay two million bucks to do the documentary a [ __ ] what are you crazy it's insane like do you

think black people are enjoying this they're going oh this is [ __ ] embarrassing and whoa whoa how come I don't get a show you have the privilege again still it's so entitled and narcissistic they can't even see outside their own got God sorry Thank You mark Normand yeah well that'll Get me camps I'm gonna bang the gavel all right sir speaker you have four minutes to respond I want good I want it all work out I want everybody good job and I'm all about the funny but you also don't want anybody suffer sexism and

don't want a lot of clothes but you want the best people to be chosen yeah I do too and I think those things aren't mutually exclusive I think it's possible I pitched the show about having these stand-ups and do this and P were like we Love it here's a list of people we think you should eat put on and I read the list I was like these are all hack retards this sucks these people are all unfunny and I know all of them you start going why why would they want to use these people they're

talentless I've watched them I do shows with them the industry sucks the industry is a bunch of finance [ __ ] they're all just wearing a suit no you Know whatever but they're all wearing a suit and then they're in the room they don't know anything about comedy I know about comedy I'm in though I'm in the trenches I'm in the clubs they don't know any about comedy but they're all in a suit in a you know warehouse or a nice building downtown and they go this is what we should do so they look good

they look whoa core progressive but it's not funny like I hate that and they all go I love Pryor I love that guy I love Karlin No you don't name me one bit you don't know anything about comedy you're just you're just at work you got a coffee machine over here and you got a nice car and you want to keep your gig and you want to seem like you're on the up-and-up and you want to seem like you're you know evolved and in the on the right side but you don't actually care about funny

but the problem is that they're involved at all not anymore but you don't need anymore really They're irrelevant they've made themselves more relevant with this kind of thing korban they paint what they do and then they don't suck your dick until you're making money then they come a night that you know I go hey will you uh will you represent me they go blow me douche and then I you start getting some some it's like re already a TV show hey everybody hated Ari some people still do and mostly Nazis but he he had a

show and then he got Popular online so they go okay we'll give it to you I'll give you this we'll give you the show now and then now it's a storytelling show that's still on with the Roy Wood yeah by the way who I loved but yeah so it's just like you don't know anything stop telling me what's funny oh do and I know it's funny that's you know if they are going to work for a company that is going to pay money that's going to get involved in the comedy business yeah there's gonna be

a Bunch of people not comedy people that are involved in the creation of comedy and then their ego gets involved and they want to change the suit and to this do this to the background this and the show is ruined yeah I mean Pat from the Black Keys was talking about it last night that you'd get these record douches from yeah fresh out of college and they would like want to change something in the sound right and you have this situation where you have this Non artistic person that's trying to influence your art yeah put

their greasy little thumbprint it's strange in the corner of your art but it's normal when people give you money they give you money for a product and yeah they give you this and like they have a job if you're an executive at one of these you know networks your Comedy Central and you know there's a show with a bunch of stand-up so you're gonna just let them do whatever the [ __ ] they want Are you gonna give them some feedback well they're gonna want to give you feedback they're the ones who are like we

get to decide whether this gets green literature and that's fair use their platform but it is but they shouldn't be there there's no reason for them to be involved in the world of comedy like the whole idea of the network is always going to be hampered they're getting me handicapped except financially they have studios and production value and they Have like real directors or real producers that they work with and they have a history along he's making real television show exactly which is impressive and I don't have that they don't have the sloppy [ __

] yeah you want people want the slop in that live stand-up is a sloppy [ __ ] right and podcast this is the sloppy [ __ ] right this is what this is real human [ __ ] yes not like polished up and edited perfectly with the tide commercial shamp Shelved in the middle of it yeah well sorry okay yeah before I get inundated with tweets about how I'm in a suit and I'm till I was this unfound last night which is the top of the heap of you know clean corporate whatever to me I

just people go why do you do these late-night SATA and I go cuz I want to see if I can pull it off you know let's let me see if they give all the restrictions if I could still do it you know it's like yeah I'll go in the Octagon but let's see if you can bare-knuckle right and that's why I like to do these late nights cuz I'm like all right they're gonna tailor my act they're gonna tweak it and turn it and take this word out and fluff that word off but if I

can still kill with their [ __ ] then I know I'm actually good at this this is annoying though that you're giving up your material for some [ __ ] stupid show that I mean what are the numbers of people watching these Shows now it's all for me I don't do it for the giving it up or who's watching or whatever I just go I'm in 30 rock there's a lot of history here it's the loans on said you're T entertainers on Jimmy Fallon's a comic I do it for the tradition and it's fun it's

a tightrope you run that set for weeks and weeks and you hone it and you tweak it and you get an ending and opening and then you buy a suit and you go out there and you knock it out and you could flub on television Which is [ __ ] terrifying and that's why you do it you do for that mmm that little moment in time where you're you're on edge and it's great it's like a high and that's why I do it how many have you done that'll be 12 or 13 Wow yeah I

like old-school comic man you like yeah like like the rich Jenny days rich Jenny used to go on all the shows he would hold a night show constantly yeah prior to did Sullivan but then you go to the bar he's talking about you Know blowing a dude you know and then to me that's cool like he could do every you could do Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu yeah and I like that I don't want to wear a suit but you know I went out last night and I slept in but yeah it's fun it's fun

like alright let me go in your arena and kick some ass and then I'll go back to the club hmm ya know that makes sense have you ever thought about I mean you don't need it but you could you could do It for you would be interesting my time constraints are not gonna lie I like tight tight short jokes yeah yeah my bits are more stories that lead into other [ __ ] up stories that I can't tell the third story until you've heard the first two stories cuz you know you have to know how

I [ __ ] around about things I don't want you to think right away that I'm really serious about there are things that I'm saying like you got to know that I'll say things that don't Agree with ya that's cuz I think it's fine then I'll say I don't even agree with that like I and also I don't have enough time to just work on a 5-minute set like when I'm working I'm doing I'm trying to do my act ya know and for me a lot of bits or five minutes sure the whole do one

that'd be cool seven minutes maybe do one bit and it's not about giving it away you could write another five that's not what it is just I don't I don't appreciate the media Challenge yeah I understand it is a challenge but I don't appreciate the medium it's not me wait for us no for me stand up is you know you're making people laugh in a nightclub setting everything else is an advertisement for that sure of the podcast is obviously a totally different thing but when I'm doing anything else I'm doing if I'm if I was

doing a TV show in the past it was basically an advertisement to come see me in the clubs yes that's what I care About I am the same way and the money yeah take the money but the real thing was like if I had to choose between one of the two we talking about there's no this is not a competition ya can't beat stand up stand up the greatest thing the world's ever known if you're a comic and you're murdering no one is ever gonna understand what that feels like when you are killing nothing like

audience is dying laughing and you you get out of There the high is so insane and their high is so insane it's so much fun to make people feel good it's amazing I feel bad for people who can't kill I do I know life and they're never experiencing what we experience all the time and then they turn it on the art form they go this this sucks it's not fair people are mean and whatever that's nonsense yeah you gotta figure it out I say that when people have excuses for why they're not doing better or

excuses For what people are doing well you're looking at you at the wrong way you're wasting that bandwidth you're wasting that bandwidth whether well who gives a [ __ ] why Justin Bieber's dai he figured it out and wasting that bandwidth don't worry about that worry about yourself I completely agree only a certain amount of time for you to think about things I know hey yeah we're all gonna die one day folks but it's even the amount of Time you have in a day to accomplish what you want to do I don't understand people that

have extra time yeah and a bunch of time that they can stick on [ __ ] that's nonsense and useless and that's gonna take up most your day yeah nonsense useless opinions like why I know what you mean you know when you wake up kind of early and you didn't get enough sleep but you just say [ __ ] it and you get up and then you do it you get a ton of [ __ ] done that day there's Nothing better yeah nothing better discipline discipline so and I used to go let me lay

here and try to sleep now I lost three hours doing that I should have gotten up cuz I don't get to sleep anyway yeah so I'm with you on all that but again with the late nights I happen nobody you forget you're you're nice enough to have me here and in the the booze and the cars and everything but I got so I got no draw or whatever I I'm still doing the the the B rooms I'm Doing the funny bones I can't sell a ticket so like I first of all have to make strangers

laugh still I don't have fans which is a real that's all I want to do but I got I can't fill a room I can't fill a weekend but these cut these late nights if you put 12 together that's what 60 minutes that's a special so people kind of get a little YouTube clip of me that I think the YouTube clips and the Instagram clips and everything like that is what's gonna Help you yeah they go a long way yeah that's gonna help you're a rock solid stand-up man really good comics all I can do

it's all I care about I work hard really hard at it yeah I appreciate that that's that means a lot to me the things of the the art form it's it's amazing and I do my best to try to encourage people to go out and see it and yeah right but how come you get it and then it's funny that you're not industry I mean I know you're a comic see you're in The mix but how come they can't I know they're not man they're not comics yeah how many is one of those things that

you can be a comedy fan you understand appreciate it and never want to do stand-up yourself but you got to be in it you know you got to get it you got to get in there deep yeah and look at it from the perspective as a fan but as a comic man I mean I've had this conversation too many times but there's not that man There's maybe a thousand of us in the country that are worth a [ __ ] yeah a little s it may be less and it might be and now the ones

that are like really doing well and headlining at clubs and all over the country what is there to 5,100 fray out of it okay well how many of them will sell out theaters is maybe a hundred yeah how many are doing arenas this is like ten right there's not that many of us there's a tiny amount of us it's [ __ ] small at 320 million people I love that it's small it's very big that's we're in a secret union Club thing is [ __ ] great and the real ones will do anything for you

I know I know but the backlash against comics now is it these weird these two sides you have to be on I don't get it I can like this guy and that guy or this lady and this horrible the offensive dirtbag and this low-key progressive clean left Iike I like them both yeah why can't I like like why don't you pick these sides and People just people I'm sure there's people listening now going oh he's one of them he's I'm done with him no no why I'm a good egg yeah don't forget that I'm a

good guy I just like jokes I like [ __ ] humor I like slurs I think they're funny I'm sorry blow me suck my ass [ __ ] my face I don't care I like it I my opener is a black guy Chris Allen and he's like we just sit and [ __ ] on black and white all day I'll just call him a horrible N-word he'll call me a white devil and slavery and I make we're buddies when we love it he's got me in a headlock and and if anybody saw that I would

go straight to you know cancel you know yeah I would go straight to jail I'm like you don't know our relationship we're friends we do the road together we're like we're in the trenches we're like in World War two we're out doing shitty rooms and we love each other but if anybody saw that I'd go to hell Because you're having fun yeah yeah we're having fun we love it right and we find it fun you're saying things in every one day they say are forbidden you're having fun but in their eyes you are not allowed

to have that fun it must be forbidden one thing that we don't see we don't do that with anything else like you just round about me and my third daughter saying oh I thought she's dead but just to me I would if you were in a meeting with a guy Said that he would [ __ ] [ __ ] his pants maybe maybe most of the time people get very angry at you but here's the thing they're loud they go you're a bad person I go no I'm not I just made the joke can you

call me a bet I'm not I know mean more than you know me I would have talked you out of saying the things about the coke and the guy cheating on his wife at the corporate gig Otis said listen that guy is the same kind of guy you know oh I see what You're saying yeah well maybe I'm just saying just because you find it offensive doesn't mean I'm a bad person or I did anything wrong or and Jim Norton had that great point it's like we're obsessed with this movie about a clown who eats

kids that's like the biggest movie on the in the country and then we love Ted Bundy we love all that Sirit true crime is the biggest thing this really happened and yet jokes they really sting people for some reason well One of the things is that we argue with them it's very difficult to get it to argue back with you that's why Joe he is fine he's not you can't shut down Joey deals you can't he's too strong interest he's Chernobyl they can't know what the [ __ ] to do they just get out of

there yeah but with someone like you if you respond like they can go after you like it doesn't have a [ __ ] Instagram page where he's gonna like answers comments hey [ __ ] you no homo I wear a clown outfit that's how I trick kids I don't like I'm not wearing makeup because I'm a girl I like getting trapped in right Ewan I mean but they go it's not real well neither is my act it's warm its but how many times you seen someone especially comics like get into it with fans online and

going back and forth with people and people checked on them and their show it's an ugly look yeah it's not good rarely works let's take right it's bad but it takes a while For comics to realize I shouldn't engage with people yeah but a lot of people never learned that right yeah yeah so they're there they're there as targets now if you're a person and you're bored and you're 15 and you're going to school somewhere and your stepdads a piece of [ __ ] your mom's dumb and she's on pills and you're stuck what you

got an internet account and all sudden mark Normand this [ __ ] con thinks she's funny [ __ ] you mark Normand and they say something shitty like q your mom's getting [ __ ] right now by some meth-head you're like goddamn he's right my mom is getting [ __ ] by a method yeah like you're getting involved with this because you're an accessible target right he tweets the guy who made the Godzilla movie that guy's not gonna tweet back at him rapid economic might yeah yeah we're accessible and it's also good when you write

articles because It's a polarizing and polemic topic exactly and when you write articles it's a good thing to write articles about someone's jokes being problematic and cancel culture yeah but thank god there's guys like Bill Baer out there that are still swinging and Chappelle still swinging big names that are still doing comedy exactly the way they always did it exactly and for anybody and people go all these these men or whatever wanna like be [ __ ] onstage And they think they can say whatever they want in the name of comedy no no we don't

think we're anything we're not politicians we're just doing what do we think it's funny that's all it is they don't get that it's all in the umbrella of comedy and they go well maybe it's just hate speech but you call it comedy well maybe it is but this but it's funny to me then it's comedy then it's comedy it's just comedy you can't just decide it's not good because it's hate speech Right right because your hate your definition of hate speech is not life if you you call you know some guy some terrible name in

your act because you're pretending to be a racist grandfather right it doesn't mean you're can't exactly you don't know how I feel well you're do you're putting that sometimes you're doing bits and this is how the best way to describe that bit that's gonna make people laugh yeah why you do it that way exactly I'm doing it that Way to hurt people's feelings and just like spicy food we're the chef we like it this way this is how we make it I'm sorry you don't like it just don't eat it the restaurant and I would

argue and this is this is a bold one but I noticed that the shittier the guy on stage like the jazel neck like the mean dark say the real dark [ __ ] those are usually the best guys or girls have you noticed that there are a lot of in real life they're good eggs and nice people and giving and Heartwarming and then these super like activist t-they we got to make this ride and this guy but those are you meet them in real life you go you're you're evil you're kind of evil and me

look at Cosby yeah look at that clean as a whistle America's dad sizing yeah people what to do yeah I mean every time it's a smelt it dealt it every time they somebody you know calls out a guy for being offensive they start looking through his [ __ ] and then you Going oh this guy hates Malaysians or whatever the hell well you know that's every time that story about the guy who outed chain yeah Gillis yeah Gillis he the guy who out of him deleted six thousand eight we go we're all flawed folks a

night before he released it suppose that true was I've been proven yes he deleted thousands I know but then they go well that was ten years ago okay well maybe this is Shane's ten years ago let him evolve how about that you know They go that's old so what so what so Trudeau is the trio was like the best guy ever he was the high height of the mountain everybody loved Trudeau feminists yes and then we found at the blackface thing is this we do we lose all of that that worth that he gained or

is it right do we let him slide but not Shay I don't get it like this constancy that's a very good point thank you I have a point that's a very good point I don't get That like this you they should be canceled right I'm stupid [ __ ] that he did we was young and dumb exactly it was hilarious though when he said he didn't know how many times he wore black face they said how many times you were booked is the couple extra ones came out and then he's like I don't remember how

many times like what was that yeah that was his thing I know right thing also I like how they called it black and brown fish I gotta have diversity even with the Arabian Nights polish oh he did [ __ ] well that's okay turban on and everything the whole deal that's less bad because there's no like mammy you know minstrel that's I thought the history of the minstrel was the whole problem with it no but now we've we've perverted that it's become any shade of self-tanning that's right if you're [ __ ] getting spray-painted you

know you get in spray tans you've basically used in blackface that's appropriation Well we had at me and Brendan Schaub had like one of the most hilarious [ __ ] conversations we ever had was about chocolate face what's that well bodybuilders that bodybuilders when they would when do competition they do chocolate body they also do chocolate face like they make themselves brown with self-tanning I'm like that guy is wearing blackface yeah I'm like how is this different than blackface and then we found out that Some people are sensitive to it so they only tan from

the neck down and chocolate bodies like she oh my God look at that how [ __ ] strange Wow that's cookie do that weird I think it looks like an it Photoshop dude it's so crazy because they used to do their face to for continuity but they can't do that anymore because the outrage over blackface oh it's gotta be a bummer with the dong you know some white sighs dawn with that it's so crazy it's really Weird look at that see that guy's got black face Wow we went into this crazy rant about it and

then it became like probably one of the most viral videos that we ever did yeah look at that yeah that's it right there a disc why would you want me that's a little dark right I mean see the lines in the definition when on the big screen with the lights on you I think that shows your muscles but okay yeah that's why they do it they really they're painting themselves Uh-huh painting themselves like a dye and it gets in the skin and it shows all the muscles out and shows highlights and contrasts and everything Wow

he's had another point now I lost it this it's funny how now everybody's getting on board with Bill burr you know like all these certain comics who used to hate him like that special was great it was very thoughtful I liked and you're like yeah but member when he was working it out you hated him you know let the guy Let up people work it out yes you know like let's not be so quick to hate the people who are all about open-mindedness and inclusion are so quick to shut people how it ironically well most

of them are bad they seem bad yeah because there's not a lot of them that are really good like really sharp and really funny yeah do you really care about that group or do you just want us to think you care about that group what are you doing for them they're struggling and They're probably thinking they're doing the right thing they might have even tricked themselves but if you really know what comedy is you know that people [ __ ] around on stage to try to find a way to say I've said things the wrong

way all on say and said things in a way that it used to be funny and now it's offensive like oh you [ __ ] idiot you ruined the funny part of it by trying to make it more edgy and this direction now people just think you're Mean or now people just think you're ignorant right you're trying things and you come back six months later that bit might be murdering I might figure out but just put it on YouTube like they did with Louis and then like when when all those commas were getting pissed at

him for that uh that parkland shooting thing like yeah pushing some just because you push some fat kid in front of the way I'm like look if you were in that audience that is a [ __ ] up thing to Say and it's funny and it went national there's no way he would have ever released that bit in that form now why not ready right wasn't ready but he might have found a way to get you to laugh at it I guarantee you what if I guarantee you yeah he was good I mean he had

a bit about 9/11 he's like I jerked off you can tell how good of a person you are but when you jerk off how soon and he's like for me was between the two towers falling that's great I just yes Why is it that you're allowed to [ __ ] on my taste because like let's say you were like my great-grandfather was in the Holocaust so now uh that's not real obviously I'm that's a joke right but people go that is horrible you would say it's not real like oh you a [ __ ] idiot

I'm Jackee if I could queef you could say that dari his father was a Holocaust was a gross dumb [ __ ] look what do you want you equates that Joe why are you Laughing I know he's my friend Dina vanakkam promoting hate speech it's not the first time I just find that stuff funny and I have no I love the Jews you know it was best I find everything funny is that funny if it's funny if it's funny if it's funny yeah this is the last outpost the last outpost in the war on speech

is what's what you're what are you allowed to joke about yeah yeah I don't know why I guess cuz there's a lot of truth in comedy there is a lot of Truth in comedy it's like what we said earlier it's like sometimes it seems like that's what you're really saying cuz that's what it seems like you're just saying something cuz everybody could just say things yeah you can say things I can think that doesn't do comedy can string the other sentences the way we're doing right now yeah so but when you're on stage and you're

saying things it seems real simple it seems like you're just saying [ __ ] and Then I already say [ __ ] so I don't I don't agree with what he's saying yeah oh I have a forum look at this I've got a thing called Instagram right thing called Twitter and I'm gonna say [ __ ] to him about the [ __ ] that he said and then you're gonna go hey I don't like when they say [ __ ] about the [ __ ] I say and then it piles on yeah I'm just like

and then people go hey stand-ups under attack no morons have more of an ability to Reach you now but but people who have always been offended by jokes that angry chance to express themselves but a lot of these people are morons they're well educated people I knew starting out and stand-up I go as a smart lady or smart guy like this is a well-educated person it's almost it's it's more than [ __ ] it there's like a kool-aid thing happening here with like oh that's there's a little thing going on with like these people are

almost a brainwash II but This I'm like a reality is kind of gone a little bit they're also they're almost the wraps so wrapped up in their own horseshit that it's I don't know it's like taking over and then they do certainly a little bit of the compliance thing yeah and they build up from talking to each other like it reinforces it and they kind of get more more juiced up and go [ __ ] this is real hey and then you put the the feel goodness factor on top of it like I'm a good

egg I'm a good Person and in this society now of rewarding people who will shut you down for like if people want to call out a racist guy not because they hate racism so much but because they know how many points it will score him I feel like there's definitely that I do think that's and I feel like you know you know when you go like to Italy so people actually trying to call up racist please do the thing it's like more homophobia it's all bad obviously there's all kinds Of things happen in all at

once the whelming each other lounging at scale that's what you're dealing with you know if you have a million Twitter followers like good luck you can't possible that's too much coming at you the core is you got to know what you are yes you have to have a good group of humans around you - yeah you know there's a lot of different factors that are gonna be at play if you want to try to get through these [ __ ] tuna Nets yeah you know because if you Get caught up in any [ __ ]

you'll you'll I mean there's more [ __ ] for comics to think about now than ever before response from people but there's also more avenues for you to put your [ __ ] out right I mean you can just look at what Schulz has done and Herschel's just put his [ __ ] special on YouTube yeah and he went from doing pretty good in clubs to selling out in theaters and doing Chosen a night unbeliever in it murderin right so this is this is something no that never existed before yeah but he found it he

figured out how to use it properly and now you like oh I don't even need those [ __ ] over at this network they were telling me to wear the purple suit because it's funnier and I like your pants are too short I just think it fits them yeah I think the pant assure parents is just when I see them yeah mark Normand short pants you're Right and we're so insecure and weak there we go maybe they're right right this person has a house or even better you like this [ __ ] [ __ ]

is telling me to wear short pants I can't believe I have to take advice from this do that to you do the N do if you want to get that Chopin exactly nonsense chaos this is just too much it's too much but there's still enough of us but it's still enough like real comics out there yeah yeah number there's a good Number of real comics the thing about this this Shane guy and this this this [ __ ] that happened to him it's like what they're doing is this unplanned shooting the [ __ ] conversation

you know and they're they're from that legion escape sort of environment when everybody is constantly offensive and rewarded for it yeah that's funny and people enjoy that kind of just mean you know [ __ ] talking yeah and especially in this day and age where things are very PC it's fun to say It it gets a little rise out of yes so what you people did was they took a clip of that and then it was like well we can't have this at the network well like as if that is everything that guy is I'm

sure now everybody says that guy's a good comic he's a good comic I haven't seen him yeah but it's a universally everybody says he's a good comic I've he's open for me and he's tough he's better off this way you know probably for sure yeah look apologize for that You know he already did you know he said he'd missed you know it takes chances he misses yeah well you don't know that a million people gonna listen to that it wasn't a great clip but again you don't know who he is the problem gotta stop calling

people erase it that's the worst thing a bigot in America is the worst thing you can be I don't know anymore I don't know it's rapists I here's a fun story I hooked up with a girl on tinder years ago and we Were in bed after the sex and and she goes I gotta tell your photo you look like a serial killer and I was like Jesus I was like I and your photo you look easy and she flipped I'm like hers was worse but that's where we're at in our society you said I look

like I'm murder multiple people I'm saying who look easy but I guess the problem is she was easy I wasn't a serial killer but I and again girls get all mad about that joke but I'm not I have nothing it's easy I like [ __ ] I think you just slut-shamed I am I was a [ __ ] myself I love a good what do you call it good who go promiscuous it up I say yeah that's also another weird thing like whenever guys like yeah I [ __ ] a bunch of chicks women go

oh jeez like why are you slut-shaming now why isn't he allowed to go [ __ ] a bunch of people I don't but no one celebrates of a girl [ __ ] a bunch of guys if a Girl's like how was your weekend I [ __ ] ten different guys I don't even know I'm let them all come inside me uh-huh Carla be like what the [ __ ] is wrong with you but uh interesting if your buddy said you [ __ ] ten gals you like whoa but you're saying to it you say even

women go that's weird exactly yeah yeah interesting yeah women get mad if they find out their friends had like foursomes yeah that is weird Well where's the love yeah it's the same with fat people we all talk about big is beautiful but then every gal goes to the gym and you're like who I thought was beautiful which one is this don't want you to feel bad sweetie because I got some spectrum II [ __ ] where if you tell me one thing I'll believe it so III you're just lying to me now yes the just

lyin okay that's not anything you don't need to lose anything sweetie you're amazing your body's amazing yeah because She's got a [ __ ] jug of Mountain Dew sitting next to her in a car she's not happy yeah nonsense this is not amazing this is a person that's eating themselves to death yeah it's very unhealthy and then how long do we outlaw mirrors that's common mirrors are terrible yeah cuz I need to do is just have a snapchat filter yeah we don't like truth truth is out we imagine if augmented reality changed your shape imagine

if I put one Of those new Google glasses augmented reality glasses on and you looked like one of those bodybuilders with the white face and the chocolate body but you were jacked and ripped it I took the shirt this the the glasses off you look a normal guy right but on them you know you could have the sensation that you're with someone who's incredibly attractive yeah you can have sex with them and never see their real body that's a common yeah for sure That'll be here and then people get surgery to just keep the glasses

on they won't want to take them off so I'm in too hard I realize the fun part is working on your body it's like getting in there and fixing stuff and eating better and it's hard and you discipline yourself and you make it work and you turn down the ice cream and you get the kale you feel better that's what life's all about yeah but you're talking about discipline Yeah I wanna hear that [ __ ] they would rather just you be celebrated for who you are you're amazing everything is amazing there was a guy

who got real unhappy who's a writer for Vox he's kind of a whiny dude anyway but that was his stick but he [ __ ] up and he's a gay guy and he said that we should stop looking at these gay thirst trap pages with all these guys that have these unattainable bodies in these unrealistic perhaps in the gay folk when had him With the Fuhrer good good for them they [ __ ] they were furious but they liked like that that like the idea of realistic body types of the gay community those guys are

not trying out young wild gay dudes just DTF they don't wanna hear your [ __ ] mouth exactly and that's the beauty as a straight white guy you know I'm the devil but you can't really say much I feel like if you're gay you got a little juice you know because I hey I'm gay I'm A gay man I'm a minority I'm a victimized so you can be like [ __ ] you we're doing it this way don't try to tell us how to live and it seems like empowering but if you do it it

seems kind of rally clan Z yes little charlottesville e yeah you're like I just want to live too you know don't hurt me yeah I don't know it's I love the gays it's a fun time for great comedy mm-hmm that's what I think it's a great time for great comedy yes people Are so happy when you make a point and it's kind of offensive but it's also hilarious and they have to agree with what you're saying because you there's actually logic to what you're saying right that is for whatever reason that just turns people's uh

engines yeah and especially now if you can weave through because I still have to perform for people who don't know who I am and I got a you got a weave through that offensive Blog and get to the pine still gonna laugh looks like you went under like the chicken wire on your elbows you got there and the bombs are going off around me that punch yeah that's a good feeling yes that's a great feeling it's like a puzzle you nailed it yeah it just makes it a little bit more difficult and when people who

try to do sloppy and clunky and you know sometimes they're doing it because the the bits in progress like Louie I think that's where Louie's thing Was it was just in in the progress in the process rather of being created but when you let someone figure out how to navigate those hurdles sometimes you all of us will get a great reward yeah you know like you know like a great Chris Rock bit or you know a great Bill burr bit that took a while to work out yeah these bits take a while to figure out

where the juice in him is and it's a shame to get those out there before the juice gets you know it really Is criminal well it's a real [ __ ] because you know bits take a long time you know Chris rocks bit about and words yes yes that's it he said took like a year to work I believe it it's long and it's heavy it's heavy and you said people were mad at him when he first started doing like wasn't doing well yeah but he figured out a way to just cut it down to

this perfect form this just polished the diamond the point where it's now like one of the most Iconic bits of all time amazing but as a guy who grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood that bit hit home that was huge some murderous bit unbelievable poignant it's hilarious it's great tight as hell so many times yeah well it made him and but it was also undeniable like the [ __ ] that he was saying in the bit was so undeniable was so well-made yeah you know but that guy took a long time and I imagine

if somebody released that when there was a crowd that was mad at Him yeah maybe they did it today and it was one of the times where he's first trying it out and you know someone releases it like he can't that's not you know it's it's comedy is this long process you can go watch it happen one of the cool things about the stores you'll get people that come back multiple times and they'll say yeah I saw you do this bit five months ago so much better oh that's amazing five months ago kind of sucked

a little yes You were there that's the flaw of our art form and I hate to keep called an art form does that sound like a pretentious leaf as long as it's an edgy art form but you need people to work it out so they see the [ __ ] yeah you know it would be nice if you could go tinker in a lab and go I got it Eureka but now you got a slaw get out in front of these [ __ ] fat white idiots I don't know anybody who is capable of writing

all their material perfect it's tough crowd Page to stay a friend of my Sam Morril is like a joke technician beast and he'll text me [ __ ] I'm like that's amazing and he'll just go right up and do it but it's tough man it takes I like to play around with on stage because you never know where it could go and then you find a new thing because the Audion the laughter helps you go a certain direction so I think a fan half is good yeah it's it's also different styles too you know like

I think like a guy like Hedberg yeah that's a completely unique style and he used to write a lot apparently yeah it a lot of material friend of mine opened for him two things he said he showed up he was sleeping on a couch probably like a heroin high and he just goes hi I'm Neal and the guy goes best job in the world and fell back asleep and then - he said he would put pages out on the front of the stage and from the microphone and it was all like a new bit like

notecards and so he would Go joke joke joke then he would try a new one and then he would go okay put joke one of the note card didn't work and he just did that all night cuz you know short jokes you have to have a lot of them oh yeah so yeah I would imagine like when did special wonder if we had those note cards out on the stage non sequiturs yeah that's true and he's on heroin he's not really how the [ __ ] do you remember all the bits yeah heroin did you

know you probably Knew all these heroin guys cuz I know him a little Stanhope was closer to him he was I'd work with him before at the comic store I knew him a little I was always a giant fan though always yeah I loved his he's one of my favorite things to listen to when I would go to the airport because I would go to the airport and it would be like traffic socks and it's just like but he was so silly it would it all into perspective I just be Laughing at silly nonce and

like yeah right and so it was like a good thing to listen to for me right I was associated with going to the interesting well it's funny because I always use people go you know when you do a joke that's offensive they go you think racism is funny yeah if it said the right way you know it's like I don't think rice is funny but when Hedberg goes rice is great when you're hungry for mm of something genius so rice isn't funny but you make it Funny it's the same with racism of the Holocaust or

miscarriages or whatever you make it funny that's what jokes are well this is a time of compliance and this is one of the things that we've been talking about its compliance its people want you to comply they decide that this is a new day and you're gonna have to change your way Oh boohoo comedians you can't say what you want anymore yeah their consequence the tough [ __ ] not good they say that because They're not comics they don't care not they tank your career stop you from telling jokes they don't care they want compliance

where they want compliance over at [ __ ] Google they want compliance over the Chevy dealership then what compliance right what with it what is happening now as a trend of compliance and some of its gussied up in the social justice warrior ethic and some people are sincere some people really trying to help and all those Things exist at the same time because there's always been people that are trying to get people to listen to them and do that what they want and you know we've always had friends that decide they're gonna dominate where we

go what's that going it's the best [ __ ] movie trust me come on all of us we're going like oh great we gotta go to Mike's movie all right that's what happened people always wanted to tell people what to do yes is a version of That along with there's a motive like well wouldn't it be better if there's no racism yes what's the best way demand inclusion right and women be hired everywhere demand every board has a woman on it every year so this is the way they're going and but it's not that's not

the right way either yeah the right way is to never keep someone from the position because they're a woman yes but it's not to hire a woman if they suck yeah because there's right there And he's great and I'm assuming that that's the gate it's also not the hire the man because he said we need we're after some men no no just hire the best I agree with the women also you want to pepper in that the media is a bunch of coozes who just come in and go oh we gotta [ __ ] just

a sizzle of a scandal yeah throw it out there yeah but it might ruin the guy's name career and life who cares put it out there what might get one click from Bed Bath & Beyond it's worth it his whole name is tarnished but hey we might get some ad money from Ray Ban throw it on but this is the clique world you know I mean these people are starving to death these journalists they have to get clickbait t titles they have to have clickbait t stories yeah don't no one's clicking and god forbid you

work for someplace that's got a subscription model New York Times and you know you can like read a chapter yeah it's like If you would like to read more please subscribe give you a taste like a crack dealer yeah yes I subscribe to a lot of them but I almost reluctantly click through with my life cuz I'm like what are you doing to me here yeah I already subscribe and you hit me with this gross Ness right but how do they sleep at night they have to that's the only way to survive knowing just so

look there's so many free pages and there's so many Air-quote journalists yeah and then they're just [ __ ] kids fresh out of college I suck at journalism but they got a job writing for a website because they submitted something in the editor liked it and the editor might be a [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah and they are wrapped up in this world of social justice warrior ethic and this is the trend of the youth but here's the they all think that they're helping things yeah look we all want Equality we want progress

they don't realize that we want that we're just evil men to them I which is so gross but they don't realize that that's gonna come for them yes it's gonna and it's not pretty and then you're gonna go Jesus Christ how this happened it's gonna happen like that monster there you go monster yeah no one's standing up like there's the real problem is stopping the real issues whether it's sexism or homophobia the real homophobia Like people like chanting all [ __ ] go to hell that's real homophobic that's Morial it's not this perceived thing because

you don't think that it's the best idea for trans men to use a child's girl's bathroom right you know what I mean like what are we doing here no we're all together everyone all genders yeah they're nonspecific enormous bathrooms with giant men with dresses on [ __ ] right next to little girls right you Know why your father waits outside like what do you what is this with you and it stunts progress cuz you know you might say a fact like that you just read off google you know you read off the census or whatever

excuse me and it says like the dropout rate with black children is through the roof or whatever and then you say that people go whoa whoa you're racist you're like well maybe if we work on that we can solve this problem and help it or you know like I thought you Cared about this group like let's try to you know it's like if we had a leaky pipe and you're like we got to fix that but whoa whoa what do you hate pipes no I'm trying to let's work on it let's help yeah isn't that

the whole point but if you call somebody these horrible things then the media picks up on that one little headline that one tweet and now you're [ __ ] yeah so you can't do anything now use that [ __ ] I won't even leave the house or tweet or Say anything well this is a fairly new thing right the world of clickbait articles online and I think it's kind of probably morph into something else yeah we'd probably even see that coming I guess that's what I'm thinking I feel like we're just gonna go into two

two camps what some of those I'm okay j-mo is gonna touch it they can't get to high enough he can eat at like a thousand milligram anibal's and it barely affects them I'm a shroom guy gets ya enjoy oh I Love a shroom that's my favorite drug it's pretty goddamn good drug I mean no hangover it's five hours yeah you feel good you think some good [ __ ] it's almost like clearing the trash yeah yeah like a defragging of the hard drive yes yes see you see some [ __ ] clearly you laugh it's

almost you can't live like that because you just stare at that knife and go alright that knife was made in Taiwan some guy he had a life he had a wife he had kids he was molested like He just keep going back to on the night you know and then if you do that with everything in the [ __ ] room Jaime's gay then you go off into that world never move you never move that's true yeah well you go too far and then you like what's the point I am one of everything I'm a

part of a molecule exact molecule combines with all other molecules around it right Sam that's why I love Neil deGrasse I could just listen to that guy because he makes science Accessible I'm like oh he's alright he took a sip of water that water had a molecule in it from Abraham Lincoln who [ __ ] the kid and that kid you know rode a donkey down a hill and Abraham loose and [ __ ] any kids bro he's freed the slaves at top and seven-year-old to go I find this really hard to hear sorry so

yeah I like horrific jokes I do to men but I broast battles one of the rare places still left yeah where they can go hard in the paint right right I love That and then they hug afterwards yeah that's like part of that part of the show like you know Moses sets up the rules when he gets on stage and he says when it's over the no no no physical nobody gets physical no pushin no shovin no hitting yeah but afterwards everybody hugs I love it I've seen that there's like a handicapped kid who gets

[ __ ] brutally [ __ ] on and then he'll [ __ ] on someone else with like and it's funny Cuz it you go we talked about slut-shaming fat shaming you go down to the core again and those are all the jokes no no you [ __ ] black guys your fetish [ __ ] you're a [ __ ] you're you're secretly gay your mom [ __ ] everybody like it all comes back to those old you know those old things we pretend like oh this doesn't matter you can do whatever you want but

yeah when it comes to insults it all goes back to that hard [ __ ] it's part of being a person yeah And this this this is utopia they're chasing if they ever achieved it it would be the most boring [ __ ] place on earth yes not that we shouldn't work towards utopia because that's ultimately gonna make reality better I agreed and it is better already yeah it's definitely better and that's another thing that people don't like to hear you know there is racism sexism murder and rape and crime all over the world it

is a [ __ ] way better place To live today than it's ever been in history oh yeah we're like that about it you and I and everybody listening to this we're all lucky that we're live this time this is the time where you don't have to worry about you know invading hordes of Mongols coming over the hills and swords and [ __ ] bows and arrows you have to worry about you don't have to worry about most things that people lived in fear of in terms of disease and injury Most of that stuff that

can fix yeah they can diagnose things now people live way longer now there's nutrition and health it's way more things to do and listen to oh yeah I think about if nobody was smart enough to invent a plane or the internet or course we'd be [ __ ] there's more geniuses now than ever in history yes this is a wonderful time yeah with there's a few problems but there's also a bunch of whining [ __ ] Who [ __ ] up everything because all they do is constantly complain and they make you miss the beauty

of this what did I say the better things are the more people complain it's the rich lady at the nice restaurant with the lukewarm champagne it's also people that are in this coat there's a cultural trend the cultural trend is like complaining and activism and they think the gentlest should be activists right they should be promoting the ideology that they Subscribe to and I mean this is what's also leading to a lot of this censoring people on social media and you know indie platforming people all that stuff comes from the same sort of idea that

you're gonna you're socially engineering the world instead of subscribing to the First Amendment to freedom of speech so we can all work out who should be able to who's right and who's wrong yeah when you soon as you say that someone can't talk then you don't allow this working Out process you just decided that you're the dictator right right so if you've got this character of compliance where everybody is almost shamed and bullied into believing one thing and pushed into this direction mm-hmm and especially when the vast majority of tech is controlled at least socially

by people that subscribe to very progressive ideas and very liberal ideas and that's also a part of the culture of the people that are going to the universities and those People that are getting the jobs at Google right right so it's all this self fuelling thing yeah yeah and I'm a liberal [ __ ] douche [ __ ] loser but I feel like there's some you gotta have some common sense here you got to stay like out of the out of that weird fog that everybody gets in and then the brainwashing happens and they all

start blowing each other and it's it's chaos yeah you gotta you gotta stay out of the Weeds yeah and even that end Andrew yang guy like talking about getting people to stop beating me like that hey no yeah come on stop you can't that's what I liked about him he was analytical he was just let's fix this problem that's that it's broken he probably believes that that's key to making the world a better place I think there's a lot of people that would argue against that I think if he sat down with those people and

had a debate I don't think he'd do well you Know yeah I think I think if someone who could explain the nutrition require like really explain based an act like Chris crecer guy based on actual science someone like Rhonda Patrick no one you're not gonna stop people from eating beef just stop yeah that's not smart it's not wise you're gonna put all these ranchers out of business and to say you don't have any jobs are on the line you understand how many people love steak and wouldn't have a problem if you do if You don't

kill the cow tell me what happens they live forever what happens they become fairies happens or do they let them free they get taken out by bears and mountain lions in your backyard so we rise of predators when we just let them breathe everywhere sting and then every time you're trying to drive to the store a bull comes and smashes into the side of your [ __ ] car because it's got a hard-on right because that would happen we're gonna Let him roam free yeah column you're gonna give me birth control what are you gonna

do what do you do at this point well we just eat him responsibly and ethically how about that how about we feed him grass it's real healthy food and if you believe a life is life just one life is worth a life well you're responsible for way more death because you're responsible for birds and bugs and ground nesting birds and [ __ ] rodents and anything that gets chopped Bunnies they get chopped up in those combines farm lands that displace wild animals left and right they put [ __ ] pesticides into the ground there's a

lot of [ __ ] chemicals that get released into the ground even look what you would call like organic agriculture like you're still using machines you're still there's a lot of bad [ __ ] that happens to the world it's also funny how like these people love animals so much and yet if You watch like an animal planet animals are the most vicious cruel evil survivalist they're just get out of my way I want to save my family or eat dinner but they're right about factory farming they're right about the repulsive feeling that you get

when you look at animals they're stuffed into these pens and these inhumane conditions they're right about that they're not right about farms though they're not right about sustainable farms like Joel Salatin he's the guy that has this place called Polyface farms where they talked about large-scale natural agriculture and raising animals in the environment they're supposed to be in like leaves pigs they move around a fence so they create a fence of these pigs and then they move the fence to another location after a certain time so the push the pigs into this new area and

the pigs are always free so they're always free roaming and eating acorns and stuff that Pigs naturally eat and these you know I think they supplement them with other food as well and healthy food but they're there they don't behave like a scared animal that's trapped in a pen just freaking out they they live like an animal lives yeah you know the argument and it's a real argument like why should you be able to kill why should you be able to eat something that's an animal so it's a good argument it's a real argument and

if you really are an Ethical person and you look at that argument and that's your point like we shouldn't be able to kill it's it's a good understanding you don't want anything to die and you don't want anything to suffer what are the way I look at it is the natural world is this [ __ ] shark tank that's what I'm saying yeah and all you're doing if you're eating meat if you're eating it in an ethical way you're removing most of that from the animal's life and then At the end of the animal's life

you're putting a bolt through its brain you might think that that's a horrible terrible thing to do that that that cow gets shut off in a second but if that cow was living in the real world it would get ripped apart by wolves right that's what a cow used to be you see an animal that had a run for its life and the wolves would sneak up on them and they would tear their legs apart and start eating them [ __ ] first and I've Seen those bucks that's what every animal does it's crazy they

all die like that all herbivores that live in a farm environment if they're free-range if they're grass-fed cows that are just wandering around all of them live a far superior life to any of the wild counterparts they'll live longer they'll be healthier and if it's someone like a Joel Salatin or someone who does like ethical farming where they have Large scale like big giant patches of land where these animals were allowed to roam free and eat grass the only real problem they have is when Grizzlies move in that's when they have a problem when Grizzlies

and wolves find out about their cattle so when their natural enemies of these animals encountered them and these in caged areas then they have to keep them out they have to protect these animals they're gonna kill from the animals that want to kill them The whole thing is crazy it's crazy yeah it's it's crazy on both sides it's all entitlement really it's like a narcissism like we need to stop this and this is abut you like no the world has a plan already it's gonna happen there's a food chain and a pecking order and they're

gonna get eaten but I don't think we should support factory farming and I think they're right about that and I think when you see factory farming you see the horrific conditions that some of These animals have to live in and then you know they they just mean some of the pig farms man they flew a drone over one of them and it had a lake I mean I like a woman with pig [ __ ] and piss and it was the most disgusting looking [ __ ] Lake and these animals were all stuffed into this

area and they would [ __ ] into this pipe and the pipe would lead into these enormous lakes pig [ __ ] and piss and you're like well these are like these meat factories These meters slash torture factories that's not a pile pigs supposed to live right a pigs supposed to live like the Joel Salatin pigs live I thought you didn't like pig and [ __ ] didn't the thing slop they like the roller is some pigs I think like the roll around and they just roll around [ __ ] but they don't want to

just live stuffed on top right in taurus metal grate yeah you ever see that video Jamie right of course yeah and we get pulled off at YouTube but it's kind of a terrifying video it's like rehab ever look at a rehab they're always so nice you know these people are always like oh this person was a heroin addict we got to save them like mashing it out on heroin to rehab they're like in Malibu and [ __ ] yeah they overlooked the ocean yeah they're amazing birds it looks pretty good right but hey I've never

done heroin because I know I'll get hooked Yeah it seems like one to avoid yeah I think pain pills are good to take I've dabbled but yeah I know how addictive it is Jordan Peterson just checked himself into rehab why yeah whoa whoa whoa for what he got on an anti-anxiety lonappan anxiety medication because his wife is that's heavy you know with his wife's dealing with heavy cancer like liver cancer yeah and she's been going through operations and apparently she's doing well now and He's trying to get off of this stuff and when he tried

to get off of it he had such a horrible withdrawal that he is according to his daughter it's on the news yeah he had to check himself in so he it's an anti-anxiety medication apparently that's how it's used some one of the ways it's used but it's a strong one my opinion it sounds like a drug that people take I mean my friends took that in high school then that's no xanax that's like Episode II what is it like I It was just like it shut you down it was you know just is that one

of the ones in the ring you're ruined to take people off a heroin that's methadone but isn't there another one wasn't that isn't kelana pin one of those ones that they use is therapeutic I know people take it recreationally gonna Katie do yeah oh come on can put you in a hole two people take it it'll [ __ ] yeah yeah like two beers in your and one of my friends tried to jump out Of a window on it like it is bad news I think he was just really devastated his wife was essentially dying

right in front of his eyes and so he probably couldn't handle it so he got on some medication why he's one of those guys like uh he's tough as a bull it'll be fun but then you know everybody's human well also I think he's wise enough to understand his physical limitations and I I don't I have never experienced real withdrawal I mean I was experiment Caffeine withdrawal but never like a real same opiate withdrawal apparently it's [ __ ] horrible hey it might actually be a smart thing to check yourself you have with people that

know how to deal with it and help you through it you know yes it's not actually it's the same thing as klonopin it's called clonazepam yeah okay so this is like a street name but a doctor prescribed it right which is weird like oh the doctor Gave him the crack it's okay well all those pills Abed it's pharmacy crack yeah that's what fentanyl is right fentanyl is out of control panic disorder and anxiety and seizures it can cause paranoid or suicidal ideation and hair memory judgment and coordination come but this makes sense for a lot

of people I know combining with other substances particularly alcohol can slow breathing and possibly lead to death Jesus doctor needed doctor Doctor prescription tell hook it up dude I can't I just can't I need some Kelantan why you never take a percocet just laid in the pool no baby either a percocet or a vicodin once at one of my knee surgeries yeah this is terrible whoa that's good that's a blessing you don't want to like it it made me really stupid yeah my brain was so numb I like I'd rather be in pain Wow ignorant

and Vol'jin or an anti Santa epileptic drug as well huh mmm that means it's strong So it must do a bunch of different [ __ ] yeah I also used to treat panic attacks so you must have been having panics yeah I mean if he's your best time of your life you know you were an embattled professor fighting against social justice warriors and then some sort of crazy law that was gonna enforce a hundred and ninety eight thousand gender pronouns and he was like hey this is crazy let's stop stop stop yeah I remember that

and then he becomes a National celebrity and people fight him and they're angry with him but also people are realizing the extent of the chaos that's going on these universities where these they them Zinser demand these pronouns these nonsensical made-up pronouns and he was like you can't enforce speech you can't remorse people he's like you understand understand what this is and where this goes yeah it leads to tyranny right everybody thought he was being like really exaggerating And over the top then as times gone on you realize like oh no he just saw all this

he saw this coming he was right like people are radicalizing and I think they're and it's about a lot of it is about come appliance they were able to comply I want you to comply with my new pronouns if you're seen that video there's a video where this guy goes up and he says hey guys pointed privilege I I have what was it what did he get a problem with I Get distracted very easily and if you could just please keep the fidgeting and the moving around too and then this other guy gets up after

him and says I just want to stop the gendered language I was saying I mean and they're serious and the woman who's giving the speech is calling everyone comrades yeah she's calling them comments cuz she's like a socialist you gotta listen to this you got no [ __ ] how give me some volume this is a university no it's That so it's a socialist convention yes capitalism we are going to need a party that will organize work to fight for the demands that we want and to win socialism thank you so much no guys it's

like a small James Jackson Sacramento he him I because want to say please keep the chatter to a minimum I'm one of the people who's very very prone to sensory overload there's a lot of whispering and chatter going on it's making it very difficult for me to focus Poor guys can we just I know it's we're all fresh and ready to go but can we please just keep the chatter to a minimum it's affecting my ability to focus thank you oh not enough point of personal privilege yes please do not use gendered language took to

address everyone oh this is scary man oh wow I've played this gig by the way Thank You comrade that is the person that went up there oh dude a dress and a red wig I just Want to hug these guys and come on folks we got a life to live from a distance on YouTube well yeah it's a good point Thank You comrade we're gonna make socialism win those that's their foot soldiers people that get easily distracted and get mad when you call everybody guys yeah find a privilege Oh point of personal privilege I didn't

know that was a new thing but I'm gonna use that from now I like that time I'm upset about something at my house I'm Gonna say point of privilege yeah guys turn the volume down these stupid shitty show you answering next time I get heckled at a show I'm gonna go hey you didn't say point of privilege before you called me a homo when I was working at a restaurant they've made it a point to tell us that two restaurants there I set us down this is probably 2010-2011 two stops it's I've seen it come

around now again - stop saying guys stop saying like hey they made us like folks Yeah or like what would it like don't use the word guys I'd love the word folks I usually all the time I use folks all the time it's a fun thing to say yeah like folks like it I actually enjoy the word it's very comedy hello folks yeah yeah it's like a lighthearted yeah greeting I'm into it folks is good I'm onboard with folks problem I had it wit that all of the tables wouldn't do it back to us Though

they would all use guys and would almost a lot of times be women using it and like um like fighting the language that's a microcosm for the whole country isn't it [ __ ] some people blazing down that they're not woke and you should have you should have a sonata that woke wasn't it this is an opportunity to educate and you [ __ ] drop the ball on you they turn on you you should use your platform for good this is an opportunity to educate and what are you doing if Your comedy is not involving

progress and social justice then it's [ __ ] this is varying like Occupy Wall Street so my god my check it would yell it out Mic Check Mic Check Oh pig's moustache oh do I start like this [ __ ] chance but they would yell out Mic Check like if someone needed to say something they would yell out Mic Check Mic Check and every else would listen wait what is he gonna say they're playing a protest that's Funds like a hip-hop concert we used to play cowboys and Indians but that's racist you can't do that

anymore so now they play protester yeah I remember that Wall Street thing I went down those kids are bankers now did you know that no protesting 50% of them no way I made that number up alright 100% made but I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me those kids just gave up and they now they drive Ferraris and they do a lot of coke I knew it yeah that was interesting About the Aziz special when he said who saw that thing in the post the guy's ago I thought he goes what's that the post goes

yeah they was opposed cuz I made the whole thing up did you see that in the Aziz special no that was the best part of the whole special was he just made up a scandal because how many people saw that like you know half the hands go up and he's like what what paper was it in the guy was like I think was the post and he goes well I made it All up the guy looked like a complete idiot and it was a great moment you just showed we're so scared not being on the

right side and not being around and aware that you just lie right you know it's on Netflix forever oh my god yeah it's [ __ ] embarrassing that counts to sign the release he [ __ ] up I guess so it's always shocking what people will sign you know you see cops or whatever you like lastly signed off on that oh yeah yeah yeah every episode Those people have to sign off yeah some ladies got a bag a crank and her hatchet wound and she's like yeah I'll sign that he's speaking of crank you member

crank anchors how's it very happy oh that show they used to do it in Vegas so because it was in Vegas Vegas you could record someone's phone calls if they don't know it's okay in California like everybody has to know you know I have to say hey man I'm gonna record this call I'm like okay my name is Marc Norman yeah and Then we'd go ahead write in Vegas doesn't matter they just call you up no laws well it makes you wonder I just realized that show no one answers the phone anymore no one talks

on the phone how you gonna crank call somebody right robocall yeah I think it's like customer service people and businesses you can still get people to answer older people and I'll answer occasionally all right every now and then like who's this [ __ ] number also when did it go from Prank to crank when I was get it was prank mmm one of that flip yeah well I think yeah crank phone calls though when I was a kid okay kid we used to call it crank phone calls maybe this be like someone right did I

think you'd do a prank and you'd do a crank phone call like a prank crank I wonder if that's from a prank like the old phone you had to spin that weird thing oh you give that a good wage a mo I wonder if That's a an origin when I was a little boy you'd have to do that thing with the dial Shh oh yeah the rotary I remember when they invented push-button phones I thought it was magic I had saved so much time about so much time the rotary was like my grandfather's house I

used to make calls that's forever gin if you got all the way to nine and you [ __ ] up start all over again it took so long to make a call my generations version of that was T9 texting remember oh yeah nine nine nine nine eight eight eight four five five two two two you know it took six weeks to tell somebody hey I love you yeah that was terrible but if they could do that they have those little flip phones today that Nokia just released a bunch of them that have a few google

apps in them and I wonder if they just had voice-to-text they just had voice-to-text you might be able to get by just talking your Textures out but on a flip phone oh no no no but if they have a couple of google apps I wonder if those flip phones have voice to touch the Internet I'm pretty pretty sure of that like it connects to the Internet so no dumb phone doesn't connect to the internet you know by default it's not you know I mean well they have apps though I think most of these phones like

even these ones that are flip phones and probably 3G and 4G I Am and I'm not saying they don't connect I'm just saying like by default they're not like connected like my iPhone I think I'm pretty sure it's connect to the internet right now all the time because of apps running so when you doing Siri and it's doing voice translation and connecting to an AI app that's translating your voice and they're not like with that flip phone if it's not connected to the Internet you'd have to have all of that stored on the Phone now

you have to have a big hard drive right that's it but that's the difference between that and like notes cuz notes is doing it right from your phone you could have you could have your phone on airplane mode and you talked into the notes yeah and you could be on plane and you could say it and it'll translate well you don't say ok won't deny what I said you don't to say you're bid on a billion you're not wrong you're not Wrong you're right about Siri Siri doesn't work when you're not connected to the Internet

but like right here--like we could do this we can go into notes I'll put my phone in airplane mode all right I'll shut off the Wi-Fi maybe it's less accurate or something like cookies you gotta be I just don't think I think Siri is actually doing a bunch of different [ __ ] not just translating your text whereas this is translating your text so If you're like text message somebody my point they might be able to get that on a phone would have nothing to do with the internet but you could just write like a

text out like so I'm offline here let's try it mark Normand has been sucking [ __ ] secretly since he got here BAM did it some whole thing yeah didn't nail it yeah nailed it Wow maybe it's true it nailed it also with no internet so it's definitely not on Wow airplane mode is Off that's even scarier is on Wi-Fi that means they're listening everything no it means your phone can translate text to speech or speech all right so a flip phone you could get by with the flip phone that does that better at t9

nonsense that already should fear us to use but again just don't say your bits into your phone in public it'll be like Nazi jizz sandwich you know and that'll get you kicked out of a you know right Southwest flight yeah if you were like Sitting there waiting in line at a flight like imagine if not see jizz was the most delicious [ __ ] on earth is that the whitest it's something like you have to get them to really hate Jews and you suck their [ __ ] right when they're in full smile and it's

like the sweetest nectar how the [ __ ] did they find out that that fish eggs were edible at Kavanagh's worth something all that shit's clams well that's just crazy were they looking for Even cheese you know some guy to eat old milk yeah oh my god right or a lemon just a lady bite no 11 like I'll keep this well what is that root that the casaba that they eat in the Amazon there's this root that apparently it creates strychnine this is yeah it's like one of the main staples of their diet - and

you they have to soak it and process it in water and learner they leave that water around like little kids and nobody ever [ __ ] With the water cuz it's like full-on poison yeah and they just have a bucket of it sitting around if you drank it it'd kill you instantly crazy strychnine water and they take that cassava root and they turn it into a bunch of different dishes whoa it's this really nutty process where they have to boil this stuff for like hours and strain it and doose my friend Steve Rinella was filming

a show called meat-eater on Netflix now there Seen that and he was watching them make this cassava [ __ ] and if you do it wrong it kills you yeah and it's the main thing in their diet Wow tapioca comes from what extracted from the cassava root their process of washing and pulping what is tapioca is it's delicious it's a pudding right what's better tapioca or vanilla pudding tapioca why I don't know I don't know but it is puddings kind of gone away I love pudding I love chocolate pudding Oh Like it's like a snack

pack member those god I could eat eight of those you know what the real pudding is know that people don't get anymore they don't get the pudding that you make will you mix it and you make it on the stove gets the skin crack into the skin the skin to get to the your bowl and it's warm when you eat it yes hello pudding like pudding yeah you can have jell-o pudding but this better companies well Cosby this must be other companies you know do Jello is the jell-o pudding because of Cosby I mean they're

for real forever connected to him yeah but I think he's been out for a minute yeah yeah but that put memory was that little box it was so exciting box powdered shake the pouting head the whisker pain yes blender rather whoa little extra one the width oh yeah we could do it that much yeah yeah and you get all the stuff dissolved all the powder dissolve oh yeah and then you slowly simmering on the stove He'd always get mad if your sister was like turning up the heat two months you're trying so much what you're

doing jell-o instant pudding there it is still out there yeah see those packs when you open them up not as good right not as good not it's goddamn delicious gel putting with its they have a sugar-free jell-o pudding mm-hmm it sounds like no sugar at all and you could eat like a Hundred of them it doesn't even feel like you ate anything yeah yeah about that was big as a kid and rice krispie treats like the real ones on in the pan that was a big deal once what is this what are they doing they're

putting putting on a steak Oh interesting so what it is that's at stake put steak pudding what maybe it's so tender oh yeah I think they can make it into a pudding I don't know preview is just them cutting Steak real thin this was a make chocolate pudding Louie these guys whoa oh my god this used to be like an afternoon like you would do this now I go by it what that is amazing oh this is a different thing this is likes taking some sort of 1788 okay look they dress like old Tommy people

like they're not what's those brothers that made those visit variety shows the songs those brothers that they all wore like the clothes from the 1800s and they Drank out of mason jars this guy's not that habit brothers no no god damn it I want to hit monsoon brunson brother that's not it either no you know what I'm talking about no no idea let's leave this podcast with everybody in suspense I'm never gonna find that someone's gonna tweet you had it in my head yesterday I was just thinking of that moment from a Wayans brothers and

my syrup man of all the singers yes Evan no Mumford and brothers In there who are the sons in who's Mumford has that weird question is that right old timey guys were great they work I saw him live once they were killer killer music but they dress real old-timey ha ha did they update they did I lost a little bit but but didn't they have like videos where they dress like they're they did a yeah yeah yeah they're wearing like somebody forced him into that guarantee there's a marketing guy behind that I don't know I

need you I need you in these vests that's gonna make it no one no one is wearing vests ahead of us you guys can be the vest guys I'm telling you it's not a lot of outfits to wear when you have a banjo in a stand-up bass that's true banjo is a whole accessory and it's how you can dress like that now they're just like cool guys those guys my eyes won't be the Black Keys those guys are killer they really they cook Jordan peas and I post photos with Mumford & Sons they're both doing

oxycotin yeah mark Normand it's almost four hours in no oh three hours in like what forty minutes or something yeah this is my podcast for crisis yeah tell people how to get to uh to iTunes the whole jizz you know it goes the internet Tuesdays with stories me and Joe list and yeah I'm on the road mark no Mikami comm follow me on Twitter and yell at me and the whole and he's gonna be with me tonight at the to show So yeah I'm so excited your taxes Owen Smith and Ally makovski so we'll see

you freaks there praise Allah bye buddy big kiss [Applause] [Music]