today I want to look at Authority issues and I want to come at it from the perspective of the behavior disorder the diagnosis of OD or oppositional Defiance disorder and then conduct disorder and this has become a diagnosis that is becoming more common with children and teenagers so let me begin with a definition odd or oppositional Defiance disorder is a disruptive behavior disorder in children and teenagers characterized by patterns of unruly and argumentative behavior and hostile attitudes towards authority figures so it can present to people watching that this is a very stubborn child but OD
is Authority issues and it goes much deeper than just stubbornness and that's what I want to explore I want to look at what causes a person to have a Authority issues where does this Defiance come from and I think the main reason is complex trauma I think those with OD and conduct disorder usually have a complex trauma piece that until it's understood you're not really going to understand why they do what they do because on one level OD doesn't make sense why would a person do that but on the level of the person doing it
it makes total sense and it's not just one aspect of having complex trauma that can lead to oppositional Defiance or authority issues let me give you a list of things that take place in complex trauma that can result in a child rebelling becoming defiant so the first is parents that are overcontrolled and so the child is resisting the over controlling so I I've drawn a line on the left is the parents control on the right is the child's control on the bottom is the child as an infant and at the top is a child entering
adulthood so when a child is an infant the parent has total control because the child can't do anything for themsel so they totally trust the parent to feed them protect them to meet their needs but as the child gets older the parent gives up control and lets the child take more and more control of their decisions so that by the time the child reaches adulthood it's flipped the parent now has no control over the child and the child now has Total Control in their life so what you see then is parenting is a process of
going from Total Control contr to giving up all control but what happens in a family where the child is getting or or the parents are afraid the child's going to make the same mistakes that they did and end up in addiction end up on the street whatever they might be tempted to maintain control for longer than they should or what happens in a family where the parents are all about looking good image so they want to control the child more because the child is a reflection of them or what happens if a child grows up
in a family where parents are perfectionists and they want the child to do everything perfectly no messy rooms ever they will clamp down on control longer than they should and so what happens in the is actually a good thing they push back they resist they defy trying to create some space to develop into a person of autonomy a person who is able to make decisions for their own life so they're trying to create a little bit of space for Mom and Dad so that they can grow up but what then often happens with parents is
they're afraid that they're the child is rebelling so they try to clamp down even more and the child pushes back harder and the Parents try to clamp down even more and the child pushes back harder and it gets to the point where whatever the parents tell them to do they'll do the opposite they develop an attitude towards their controlling parents that says try to control me I defy you but what can then happen as they go into adult life is when somebody tells them what to do or gives them advice they don't stop and consider
is this wise advice or not they immediately go to somebody's trying to tell me what to do I'll do the opposite they defy advice not based on its wisdom but based on the fact that somebody else is telling them to do it and if it happens to be m Dad they will defy even more and so oppositional Defiance order disorder becomes this blind Defiance to all input from the outside from any Authority not based on Is it wise advice or not but based on the fact that it's an authority and that you can see could
be come a really big problem and we'll get into that in a bit the second thing is in in a complex trauma family there's often a double standard so Dad can kind of live by one set of rules and get away with a whole bunch of stuff but the kids have a different set of rules so Dad can get angry but they can't and so what they begin to realize is I don't like this Authority person because they're using their authority to get what they want and they're imposing stricter rules on us and so now
they're rebelling against the hypocrisy of that authority figure saying it's right over here for you guys to do this rule but I don't have to follow it and the hypocrite and so the person who uses their power their position of authority to be selfish and so it's actually a good rebellion in the child to say I don't want any part of that I rebel against that hypocrisy and then many children in complex trauma begin to realize that the rules that are being created for them aren't what's best for them it's not about that it's about
what makes life easier for the authority figure and so now rules are not seen as loving guidelines to keep me safe and healthy rules are seen as something that restricts fun that restricts development rules are seen as bad and in the their mind fun is head by breaking the rules fun is head by going outside of the rules and so they rebel against boundaries that aren't healthy and again there's a lot of good stuff in that kind of rebellion in the child and then in a complex trauma family for many children they don't respect their
parents because they're abusive neglectful double standard all of those things and now these people that they don't respect at all are throwing all these rules on them and there's something in us that if I don't respect you I don't respect the rules you're setting and I want to rebel against it and that's what the child would do or in a complex trauma family often the rules are enforced inconsistently some days the rules apply some days they don't and so what I hope you're seeing is whenever there's poor boundaries within a home children will rebel against
that somewh will then another thing that happens in complex trauma is there's no connection so the child is supposedly in this family but they don't feel part of it they don't belong and so now why should I follow the rules of this family that doesn't even want to connect with me and and they rebel against that and then sadly in many complex trauma families if a rule is broken there's a harsh punishment now I need to explain the difference between punishment and discipline discipline I'm going to use as a good thing punishment as a bad
thing so discipline is a child steps out of a healthy boundary so they tell a lie or they keep teasing or picking on their brother or sister so the parent wants to give a consequence that's painful enough not just as an end in itself to say I want to hurt you because you're hurting somebody else but to provide motivation to the child to go I don't want to stay doing this Behavior because it's painful I want to go back to being unhealthy so discipline is given from a loving place it's appropriate consequence with the desire
to bring a child back to a healthier living punishment is you make me mad because you broke my rule now I want to hurt you now I just want to make you pay as an end in itself the motivation is not to see them change their behavior the motivation is to hurt them and so if a child child is getting that kind of response when they break the rules it's punishment instead of loving discipline they will start to rebel against that and then in many complex trauma homes there's lots of fighting conflict tension and a
child begins to go this is a sick family I don't want to be part of this and they rebel against that or they're in a family where every time they ask for something they're told no and so they begin to go nobody cares about me I can never get what I want even when it's legitimate and they develop a rebellious attitude and then the final one in many complex trauma families the child is hurt in many different ways all that violate love they're abused they're neglected they're disrespected life is unfair for in the family they
are abandoned all of those things hurt deeply and what happens naturally in a healthy way is an anger that says I want to change this but in complex trauma that can't be resolved they can get as angry as they want but it's still going to be unfair still going to be disrespectful they're still going to be neglected and so what can happen to a child is the anger turns to a bitterness a resentment a hatred against the parents the authorities that run this family and they become defiant now let me just make this note in
many complex trauma families this child becomes known as the problem child child and they're used as a scape goat to say the reason we're having problems in our family is not because of the parents it's because this child is so rebellious and all of the blame for all the family's problems gets put on them but in reality this child I hope you can see is actually identifying and being honest about all the unhealthy things in the family that nobody's resolving nobody's improving and so they're getting to a point where they're just rebelling against it all
but then are being branded as the problem but they're the only honest person who in the family who's not living in denial of what's going on
