Conor o'ban here pretty cool huh was that cool no okay I'm here with my trusty assistant Sona messan Sony you and I have been together how long over nine years and I've been there during really important moments in your life yeah I'm told that you want to buy a new car yes okay this is a big decision it is I'd like to help you are you cool with me helping you I mean yeah I'm sorry do you not trust my judgment I I I question your judgment I hired you no I question your judgment okay
true story ladies and gentlemen I was once really hungry after a long shoot and Sona was at the office and I called her and I was headed in and I said Sona what about lunch and she said I'm okay I've eaten and hung up before we buy you a new car yes we have to look at your existing car this is a 2007 Volkswagen Jetta how many miles are on this car there are 160,000 miles on this car it's what how often have you had it tuned up I got my first tuneup a week ago
I didn't know I didn't know that you had to get it that's insane this thing is a death trap but it still runs it still well well once I stopped at her stop sign and it started shaking really and then the light for the engine started flashing sometimes the light will come on and then something will happen and then the light turns off so I'm like it must have just fixed itself [Applause] you're a terrible car owner aren't you awful car owner you have a nickname for this I do this is white lightning how is
it white lightning it's got 160,000 mil on it it Shivers and it shakes why don't you just call it CLE celania what's this thing that is a Glade Plugin it uh it ran out a while ago you're not using this anymore I guess it's a keychain it's a dollar chip from the Bellagio in Las veg why is this thing why is this thing open it doesn't close sometimes it closes but it'll close for like 3 minutes and then it'll open up again I could fix this if you want what can you oh my God phing
this light will turn off what are you doing oh my God you dick what's this wow you're rolling deep one two three 4 I have coupons mostly Bed Bath and Beyond how many coupons do you have well you're like an old lady who does this you're a young woman you're like I've got my coupon let's add it up you've got four singles yeah you have a dollar chip from the Bellagio and you have $600,000 B Beyond coupons I just you've got so many coupon where do you get them they get mailed to you yeah oh
I got another coupon check this out what happened here it's bad I know and actually haven't keep stuff up here you can keep magazines and things isn't this kind of helpful actually look at that that's storage space you didn't even know about fate of the Furious that goes right in the old roof chamber if I had known things were this bad I would have bought you a new car myself can you buy me a new car I don't have any money yes you do no I have access to your financial information uh those reports are
old I made some unwise Investments I bought a theme restaurant it was a Depression era burger stand the restaurant and I bought some Arabian race horses that all had lupus I promis I'd find you a new pup but I can't go with you to dealers because if people saw me they freak out they do it's like oh my God Beatles got back together and became one person and it's com like that's the kind of reaction I get when I go places i' I've been places with you yeah and it gets pretty crazy no it doesn't
really it doesn't get crazy at all we're going to find you a new car but I can't go with you let's do it online we can go on auto trader I go on auto TR let's go on auto trader let's do what the kids do I have a lot of wisdom I do what do you you know you know cars I do know cars no you don't that's a car right there guy I'm a man's man you're not a man I am women want to be with me men want to be on top of me
men want to be women want to women want to be with me men want to be in me no there a way that this goes that I can't remember let's pick out a car for you I would really like to check out like a Subaru oh sure can you please not get a white car what's wrong with white better than it looks like a thousand Birds on your car at once that's what it looks like you can't see the because the matches the white that your car is well then you've realized your dreams Subaru Foresters
are great yep that's a good car and it's what it's 23,500 and what's the Kelly Blue Book price advisor oh it's right in the it's actually a little lower than what it's no it's in the middle it's in the middle this is a fine car but a little boring let's go slightly out of your budget okay like what let's look at Bugattis I've heard that's a good car there we go first one bang used 2010 how much is that it's $2 million nope it's 1 M 999,999 it would look so awesome that car look at
it you know what it runs on liquid arrogance uh how about a Hummer want to get a Hummer it it needs so much gas yeah they make a model that only runs on rainforested wood that's not true okay good improv partner that's not true that's not true it's war with con and sona's improv when we come back well I'm in a candy shop no yeah not okay I'm a famous detective I don't think so but there's a white one which is the color of your car what's the price of that one $73,000 yeah what's the
Kelly Blue Book say it says $49,000 56 what that douche what's he what's this person doing he's a Hummer owner let's write this person an email I just checked out the Hummer you're selling and noticed that you were asking over $30,000 more then it's Kelly Blue Book value I am so excited cuz I grew up on a stupid Farm eating seeds I can't wait to come in to your I think there's a word limit okay we'll just take out the last three words and then just say you I love this yeah I just spend all
my time on the site just writing messages let's see what's the lowest we can pay okay cars under $1,000 let's figure out let's look at these are cars under ,000 under $1,000 okay what's that oh look how they're shooting it in this Shadow this suspicious shadow look at that that car is in the witness protection program look at what's inside it's all dirty their handle's broken you know why they broke the handle don't you G that's a killing car this is a murder car it's a murder car it says Kelly Blue Book does not consider
this a car they think it's a dirty costume with four wheels please get this car I don't want this car well congratulations I'm buying you this car and I'm giving it to you on the air yes and you have to accept ladies and Gentlemen let's bring her out Sonam messian everybody very exciting this is great thank you guys Sona are you excited about your new car no I'm not I don't want that car we actually we went and we bought this car we agreed to pay $1,000 and then they gave it to us for only
$500 and now it's yours I'm like Oprah this is incredible here's your new car [Applause] soda oh no check it out isn't that great isn't it cool no look at this car it's all yours it's terrible I don't want to get inside this you're you're it's amazing what are you talking about you don't want to get in look at this thing it's beautiful it's got stuff this rubber stuff is curling and coming up off the top it's amazing you check out your new car and I'm well it's not really new uh I will tell people
who's on the show tonight from Hotel Transylvania 3 summer vacation Andy Samberg getting on way look at it isn't that great e it's so gross look at all the stains hey host the Netflix Rizzle series nailed at committee and Nicole berer is on the show the horn doesn't work music guest dos is on the program oh God it's so gross we got a lot more show coming up be right back Jimmy take it away enjoin oh [Applause] God my God can I get out can I get out horrible can I get out it's a horrible
horrible car oh
