Just look at his face. He's smiling while charging up to kill him in front of his homie. The X-Men verse is filled to the brim of demons like the Sentinels or Mister Sinister.
But then there's Apocalypse, the mutant version of Satan. Just look into his eyes, pure hatred. And the diabolical [ __ ] he pulled off in X-Men 97 has to be talked about.
So, allow me to share the story. Chapter [music] 1, the future under Apocalypse. So, the X-Men are split up between two different timelines, the past and the future.
But according to Bishop, who's literally known for time traveling, [music] >> We're looking at two of the darkest ages for humanity. >> Now, what could possibly be worse than the time slavery was allowed or hell, even during the Black Death from Europe? Well, according to a Baptist over here, it's Apocalypse.
So, it's up to Bishop and Forge to save everyone. But when Forge pulls up to the future to rescue that black [music] queen he has, we're met with this. No beautiful skies, no signs of [music] life.
This [ __ ] Apocalypse generally took And the millisecond a life form spawned, his goon squad pulled up immediately with the switches. And [ __ ] are those MISSILE LAUNCHERS? HEY YO, WHAT THE [ __ ] THEY WAS dead ass swarming Forge like he was icing or something.
And they wasn't playing neither. Generally had my man's Forge stressing out there. Like this guy's meant to be an omega level threat, and he's out there clenching his cheeks for safety.
Like can you imagine being a regular-ass dude? It's over. But, luckily for him, the X-Men arrived just on time.
Otherwise, they were chopping it up, we got a glimpse of Apocalypse's crib. AND DEAR GOD, HIM HIM HER HIM HIM BODIES BODIES BODIES BODIES. THIS [ __ ] REPLACED THE grass on his lawn with literal corpses.
And he EVEN GOT [ __ ] LOCKED UP. LIKE, BRO, at this point, you're safer in there, gang. But, here's where it gets crazier, cuz normally dying from old age is common.
I mean, at this rate, Apocalypse is over a thousand years old. He is super unk, bro. But, somehow somehow way, this [ __ ] gets to cheat death.
You what? And all it really takes for him is to just find a new body to take over. But, as luck would have it, one of his goons told him of a body that can't expire, which belonged to a 15-year-old child called Cable.
And of course, this sick bastard was geeked hearing this news, cuz apparently, the mountain of bodies on his lawn wasn't enough for him. This nigga's grade sick gets me. So, hearing this wonderful news, he calls up his horsemen OF APOCALYPSE.
YES, THIS NIGGA'S elite goon squad are the biblical disasters named Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death. But, instead of terrorizing the world or some [ __ ] like that, they're being used to kidnap [singing] a literal child. This [ __ ] is so evil.
And his goon squad were not playing games, cuz they swiftly whooped some of the strongest X-Men members. Like, ain't that Jean Grey, AKA THE OMEGA-LEVEL THREAT? >> [laughter] >> SO, AFTER THAT EMBARRASSING LOSS, they're sent on the slave train to Apocalypse's crib.
And now it's up to the rest of the X-Men to try and save them. But not before Miss Anonymous tells us that Apocalypse [ __ ] up her timeline so badly that she literally had to recruit the X-Men to stop him in his prime and his rookie years. And seeing those battle scars on her face told Storm everything she needed to know.
She had to lock in. So, she powers up the ship that's going to be used to save the fam. Meanwhile, Cyclops' pep talk to Cable gives him the strength he needed to bust everyone out of there.
W, Cyclops. But unfortunately, Apocalypse had one more trick up his sleeve. And with that demon out the way, it's time for a chapter two, the making of Apocalypse.
So, you know how most bad guys were actually pretty chill when they were young? Well, couldn't be Apocalypse cuz this [ __ ] stands on ten toes getting ready to scrap three other [ __ ] with a red shiesty on. And he wasn't even Apocalypse yet.
He was just En Sabah Nur. But not even the Professor wanted to [ __ ] with him. >> [screaming] >> Bro wanted none of that smoke from Nur.
And let's be for real. What? Like, look at the fight Nur had against the Pharaoh's goon.
[ __ ] were getting slimed out left and right while Nor was getting hopped by everyone. And just look at the goon's face. He really think this [ __ ] a game.
He really thought he won. But Nor wasn't finished cuz he booms down the door, mops the guard, and he tells the goon >> [ __ ] take your rag for a spin. >> while grabbing this huge ass elephant and spinning it like a Beyblade.
He's generally moving like Prime Hulk as a rookie. And the goon was so harassed that he generally starts hallucinating. Like damn, who is that?
But he was so lucky that Magneto was trying to fix Nor. >> You what? >> Yeah, for some reason Magneto thought it was a great idea to try and recruit Apocalypse as an X-Man, which uh I I guess, bro.
But that also means no killing the bad guys. But the thought of not killing [ __ ] generally had Nor stressed. Like he was itching to slime out this goon, especially when he started rage baiting.
Damn, [ __ ] you >> Oh, shut up. >> with your [ __ ] up eyebrows. >> I said shut up.
>> Don't you mean SHUT UP, BASTARD? >> [screaming] >> BUT MAGNETO WARNS HIM AGAIN. Don't fall for the rage bait, my son.
But little did he know that Nor would expose him wearing the same [ __ ] that abused his people. Now this tech was meant to try and get the X-Men home, but Nor did not give a [ __ ] He snapped, immediately slimming out the rage baiter, and sweet lap toon. He hops out on the X-Men.
But as they were scrapping, the Pharaoh was plotting. "You dare attack my forces, Nor. Know your place, slave.
" >> And this huge odds laser is fired from the pharaoh's crib point-blank into Nor's direction. And I kid you not, not only did he eat that [ __ ] like some Snickers, but he was pissed. Cuz his day one was just sniped by the pharaoh.
Bro, this nigga's life somehow got [music] worse, and it was already [ __ ] Gang, I don't know about you, but if I'm the X-Men, I'm getting the [ __ ] out of there, bro. >> But instead, Magneto and the professor choose to help Nor. Are these [ __ ] serious?
Cuz they want to guide him to the pharaoh's crib, so Nor can get the power he needs to defeat the pharaoh. And for some extra motivation, Magneto destroys Baptiste's time bands, which was meant to take everyone home safely. Like these [ __ ] have generally lost it, bro.
Cuz now the only way for them to go home is to go to the pharaoh's crib and hopefully find the tech needed for them to go home. So after glimpsing into Nor's past, which looks god awful, they find the pharaoh's crib. And when they're inside, they split up to find the god-like power they're searching for.
But that's when it all turns to [ __ ] Cuz the moment King Bee steps inside, Nor catches literal proof of him being Apocalypse. And that's all it took for him to betray the X-Men. "All that sweet talk of becoming an X-Man.
" "No, wait, Nor. I can still fix you. " "I never needed fixing in the first place.
" And before he grabs the celestial [music] power buff, the rest of the X-Men stop him. And they were so confident that he was never reaching that power up. I mean, you have Magneto saying, "Don't worry, Charles.
He's still a rookie. We got this. " But Nor was locked and cuz he swats away Baptiste, bashes Magneto's skull in, and I was thinking that Nightcrawler had this.
I mean, his ability is hella overpowered. But somehow Nor catches him before he teleports. And uh Rogue is quickly popped [music] up, too.
So, quickly with Nor close to the crystal, what do you think the Professor does? Does he A, try and fry his brain? Or B, sit there doing absolutely nothing?
Ding ding ding ding yep, he did absolutely nothing while watching Nor grab the crystal. Like, how you finna be shocked, bro? And even with God himself warning Nor how dangerous this power is, he took that [ __ ] with zero hesy to become Apocalypse.
If the X-Men weren't cut before, they're absolutely [ __ ] now. But with the time bands fixed, Magneto forces them to go home cuz for some reason they really thought they could run it back. But I guess the Professor was feeling suicidal, so he stays with Magneto to witness Apocalypse at his peak form.
And of course, bro had a aura form. >> Now, who is the god? And who is the insect?
>> Oh, this [ __ ] spitting right now. But with his new drip, Apocalypse decides he's going to slime out that pharaoh and the entire city. But at this point, the pharaoh already dipped.
Like, this dude king that ass skedaddled when Apocalypse got bust. He did not want that smoke. So, really, the only target that's left is a city filled with innocent people.
>> POLICE! HELP! >> BUT THE BOYS WERE TRYING EVERYTHING TO stop him.
Even memories of his shitty past didn't work. Like if anything, it just made him angry. So Magneto locks [music] in and takes him out.
Yet the ship was still destroying the city. So Magneto goes two for two and saves the city. But sadly for him, he was caught lacking.
And just look at his face. He's smiling while charging up to kill a [ __ ] in front of his homie. And somehow it gets worse cuz Apocalypse trolls Xavier.
>> Alas, only a coward feels mighty when stepping on ants. [snorts] >> Spitting on Magneto's grave by mocking the same exact line he taught North to make him the better man. >> Only a coward feels mighty when stepping on ants.
>> Die, you bald co. But job's not finished cuz the future van of Apocalypse is still loose in the present, leading to chapter three, The Revenge of Apocalypse. So as the X-Men are busy recruiting new members, Apocalypse over here is digging up Gambit's grave to possess his body.
Rogue for real robbed mans from calling next against Jesus just because he failed to kidnap Cable. >> HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT! >> LATER ON, Rogue would get buffed to try and stop Apocalypse from taking over her man's body.
Even though he was literally in Xavier's realm. Like that ass. What does this [ __ ] do?
But even after all that, Apocalypse still wasn't defeated. Matter of fact, all Rogue did was turn Gambit into a ticking bomb for Apocalypse's possession. So, this poor guy has to fight literal demons for control, even though he was just resting peacefully.
And with time quickly running out, this leads to the final chapter. [singing] The final fight against Apocalypse. And with everyone in the theme song now, this is how you know [ __ ] was getting serious.
But, with the rising threat of Apocalypse inside of Gambit's, our boy Cable was scheming to take him out. [music] Bro literally teamed up with the odds just to increase his chances. He gave no [ __ ] Like that threat of Apocalypse had him pulling out the switch on his own people just because they wanted to protect one [music] of their own.
And I can't even lie, I got to be on Cable's side here. Like Gambit is cool and all, but have you seen Apocalypse's future? This [ __ ] literally has bodies stacked up on his lawn.
Bro had to go. And Cable knew this, so he booms the entire building with full force. And if you didn't know, Cable constantly nerfs himself to fight his nasty ass virus.
So, he only goes out in the most dire situations. And with no one left to stop him, >> I'm sorry. >> but this somehow >> made things worse.
>> Cuz Apocalypse was finally freed. And his smile says it all. It's >> over.
>> Like bro, dead ass mops the floor of every single omega mutant there with one move. And Cable's dumb ass thinks he's helping. Like dang, put the switch down and help them.
And Apocalypse was dead ass frying me, bro. Like he for real controlled everyone but the Professor just to troll him again. >> To me, my X-Men.
To me, my X-Men. >> Elite levels of rage baiting, bro. And with no one left to stop him, it should have been over until Rogue pulls up with the Celestial buff.
But it came at a cost cuz Apocalypse was so overpowered that Rogue had to make a deal to sacrifice herself just to try and beat him. But we later find out that Nightcrawler changed the deal so he could die if Rogue defeated Apocalypse. And I'mma be brutally honest, that final showdown was like getting one-tapped like that is ridiculous, gang.
HEY, BRO, JUST THINK IF [screaming] YOU GOT nerfed after getting hyped up all season. But finally, finally, the menace to mutantkind was defeated giving everyone a happy ending except Nightcrawler. Rest in peace, my goat.
I hope y'all enjoyed the story and I'll see you around. Safety.
