AITA for Not Helping A Woman Who had A Baby With My Ex Husband Get Survivors Benefits?

aah for not helping a woman who had a baby with my ex-husband get survivors benefits my 43 ex-husband Duke 54 and I divorced because he habitually cheat on me we were divorced a little over 2 years when he died in a motorcycle accident I paid for his funeral because of my daughter 15 and despite everything he was her father and I didn't want the state to bury him that was 4 months ago and my daughter is doing well I applied for survivors benefits for her shortly after his funeral and have been receiving monthly payments yesterday

I received a phone call from my caseworker at the Social Security office informing me that a woman called claiming that she had a three years old son by my ex-husband however the woman had no proof the boy is actually my ex-husband's not signed birth certificate or DNA test the case worker asked me if I would be willing to allow my daughter to do a DNA test to prove this child's paternity I refused I did the math and this child was definitely conceived while I was still married to my ex furthermore at the time of conception

I had gone through a very trumatic hysterctomy with major setbacks that nearly killed me I suspect I know who this woman is and she definitely knew my ex-husband and I were still married I'm mad as hell and I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by refusing but I was humiliated enough but my ex when he was alive and I feel even more embarrassed now update one first of all I'd like to thank everyone for their comments and advice as I stated in my edit on the original post this happened over a year ago

and for whatever reason I wasn't allowed to post it on the thread I originally tried to now to the update about a month after I found out about this little boy I did indeed tell my daughter who is now 17 by the way she was shocked as you can imagine and very hurt by her dad's actions I explained to her the full situation and she didn't want to do it then she said she needed time so that's what I gave her incidentally she has been in therapy since before during and after the divorce her father

and her were never close because he had a kids are to be seen and not heard mentally which caused a lot of problems even when we were still together the woman who had an affair with my husband was a work colleague slf friend we all worked together at the same place we both still work there just in different areas after I got the call from my casew workers several mutual acquaintances approached me and told me that she wanted to sit down and talk with me about her problem I thought about that for a few days

and ultimately decided to meet up with her we met at a coffee shop by our job on a Saturday she told me that she and my ex started out as friends at first he would give her advice on how to deal with her other two kids dad she said very quickly it turned into flirting and hanging out and eventually a full on Affair by this time he's telling her I was getting suspicious that something was going on and she was already pregnant she told him about the pregnancy and he told her he wouldn't be leaving

me but he would assist her with whatever the child needed she was hurt and angry but stuck with the situation as she was already struggling with the two kids she had and needed the help she went on to say that he was very much in love with me and that she was jealous of me for having him not one time was this woman remorseful no nothing I asked her did she even care what their Affair did to my daughter and she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and

quite frankly didn't care about mine that's word for word BTW at this point I told her that I have informed my daughter about her son and she is currently not interested in participating in this scenario she got outraged by that telling me I have to make my daughter do this that she is only part-time at our job and here and her kids cannot survive on her income alone I told her she was a witch that if she even felt a little bit of guilt I might have been able to talk my daughter around but her

lack of respect for for my daughter's feelings is why I won't I left her there yelling at me as I walked away to my car she has since quit working at our job over the past year I have addressed the situation with my daughter and she still doesn't want to do it I've told her it's her decision either way and I support what she wants my ex's parents are both deceased and his one sister is dead he has an older brother but they hadn't communicated in decades because of the brother's drug issues I tried to

find out about him when my ex died but I couldn't find anything my ex was dead two full days before the the police finally got in contact with me it was a shock I never hated him I hated what he did there is a difference I guess that's the update if there are any questions you guys would like me to answer I'll be around feel free to ask thank you for your time stay blessed update 2 okay this has really blown up once again I thank everyone who took the time to leave a comment there

are a lot of questions and assumptions I will do my best to answer them to the best of my ability first of all let me say I did not hate my husband hell I don't even hate his AP for those who think I'm trying to get some half bottom revenge on a toddler just let me say you're insane to feel that way in the moment when this all happened I was in shock and total disbelief I reacted without any real thought I challenge anyone on here to say they haven't responded angrily with unwanted and unexpected

news however I am not a person who does not think of consequences to my actions and that is why I sat down calmed down and figured out how to proceed I talked to both my mom and my brother before I talked to my daughter they were also shocked but urged me to talk to my daughter and get her input on this situation as I said in my first update my daughter has been in therapy before during and still after the divorce I suggested to her to talk to her therapist about this she did based on

my daughter's feelings of being adamantly opposed to being involved her therapist suggested I give her time and I have my daughter is a sweetheart and I'm not saying this about her because she's mine but it has been a lot for her to deal with at one time I'm sure in the end she will change her mind but I refuse to bully her into it it has to be 100% her decision some of you think I hate my ex-husband and I'm using this situation to get back at him I do not I hated what he did

that is all my ex and I talked at least twice a week we had disagreements sure like other people I wish he would have told me honestly the affair had long been out the bag I'm not going to say I would have enjoyed hearing it but at least we would have known see we're too busy living and often times we subconsciously think everything will work out for the best it never goes that way though does it if you would have told us we could have long got over any shock hurt or resentment and possibly the

kids could have long ago met each other I would have known about the boy and we all would have been better prepared when he died who knows but I'm no longer angry or hurt please believe me when I tell you that I want an amicable solution to this as much as you do that day in the coffee shop with her I once again reacted but I'm human with feelings and emotions just like all of you my ex-husband had no one else but us as I said he has a brother who's on drugs who I spent

weeks trying to locate and I couldn't I would never have let him be buried by the state because at the end of the day we still loved him I was married to him for 17 years ffs final update hi all I'm not sure if anyone remembers this situation for some reason I am unable to update on the original post I want to say again that I appreciate all the Insight everyone shared with me it helped us a lot now to the update first of all a lot was going on behind the scenes at the time

of my original post my daughter agreed to do the DNA test and it confirmed the child was my ex-husband's I wasn't really surprised by that what I was surprised about actually shocked by was her reaching out to me and asking me if I would be willing to take over custody of her child she told me she has been struggling to raise a third child since my ex pasted and has nowhere else to turn her mother has medical issues of her own and with her oldest two kids she simply can't do it she also apologized to

me and my daughter about everything that happened and said if she could go back and do it again she would never have done it I was at a loss for words I told her I would have to think about this and ended the call I've talked to my daughter and the rest of my family my daughter being the way she has thinks we should do it my mom and little brother think I shouldn't because of all the problems they believe it will cause my oldest brother thinks I should give the kid a stable home with

his big sister and is willing to help me out wherever he can I'm not worried about the expense I can well afford having another child even without survivor benefits my daughter's benefits go into her own account I never needed the money I'm more worried if it's a good idea for me to do it I don't need any more drama and these kids have been through enough as it is I asked my lawyer to look into it for me just in case I decide to go through with it well that's the update I'll look in from

time to time to answer any questions that might be asked of me thanks again you all were a great help I appreciate it