Overcome Your Suffering with Peter Crone | EP 505

We have to find out what supports us when nothing supports us which seems paradoxical but it gave me chills just even saying it right that when I feel the least supported when I feel the most amount of Woe when I feel the most amount of hopelessness what's actually being called for is the real essence of who I am true happiness is the absence of the search for happiness there's no seeking I'm not trying to get anywhere Apart from where I am like I'm okay with what is what is up guys we are doing a massive

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college and repair it's great for your eyes it's great for your skin it's awesome it is a total of about a $700 value of the giveaway all you got to do is subscribe between now to the month of August we'll announce at the end of August we'll announce it here as well as on the Instagram page labeled Aon Alexander that is my name subscribe Win some stuff enjoy the conversation thanks for making time to do this yeah thank you for having me my friend numero Tes right the third one I think so uh I want

to talk to you about suffering ah every human being's favorite topic what from your experience and perspective is the origin and function of suffering for the human I think just being here right I think it's the first Noble Truth in Buddhism that life is suffering so I Think by virtue of uh deciding choosing to Incarnate into this particular Dimension uh it is commensurate with suffering I often make the joke that to be human and not wanting to suffer is as asinine as saying you're willing to jump in the ocean but you don't want to get

wet so I feel suffering is synonymous with The Human Experience just by virtue of what I assert we're here to do which is transcend the constraints with which we arrived that create all of our fears Limitations disease dysfunction and uh under the aaces of suffering something I've heard you say before well you've have a different iteration something that that I like from I think it's Romas uh I reference him a lot I said that who you are is invulnerable who you think you are is vulnerable I know that you have another iteration of that yourself

yeah that's I like that I haven't heard that yeah I would say I Mean there's various quotes of mind that come to mind I say you know from the perspective of the ego uncertainty breeds fear whereas from the perspective of the Soul it breeds nothing but pure possibility right so we could argue that the suffering is an extension of the idea of ourselves the the we that we are for ourselves the incessant eye that is that rumination that we think of as ourselves in our head when we're typically by ourselves going to bed in The

shower driving sitting at home wondering what we're doing with our lives that conversation is I would say the foundation upon which suffering is created it's the Genesis where fundamentally we're in a mild SE severe state of sort of resistance to life right there's the way that life is and then there's the way we'd like life to be and the Delta between the two is sort of very um aligned with the degree to Which we suffer obviously the degree to which we're in harmony with the way things are which we might call happiness oh I'm happy

happy being the byproduct of the fact that really you're just in alignment with the way things are right now they seem to be going your way and when we're unhappy or upset angry frustrated disappointed all that's really happening is there's a conversation we have relative to life and there's a difference between the two And so that Delta I would say is uh very commensurate with the degree to which we suffer yeah I think there is a more confident sturdy stable iteration of Happiness which is enjoying and basking in the happiness without attachment to to the

happiness and I think that if you're in the attachment of the happiness then you're guaranteed suffering for sure because it's an emotion just like any other or I would Say you know I distinguish between emotions and feelings right I'd say that feelings are much more to do with the sentient essence of who we are we can't not feel whereas emotions I would say are really they belong to the Identity or the Persona that we think we are so emotions tend to accumulate over time whereas feelings tend to be very much responsive presentence state um my

personal quote about happiness which I I'm relatively attached to and hence Suffering just by virtue of it came through me is I say true happiness is the absence for the absence of the search for happiness right so it really puts it into that realm of there's no seeking I'm not trying to get anywhere apart from where I am which we could put under a broader sort of title of Freedom like I'm okay with what is um Krishna mty had a had a great quote that I cite sometimes he said that this is my secret I

don't mind what happens yeah right yeah not an easy state to be in and I'm not saying it's necessary powerful one either because I think there's something beautiful about the co-creative nature of Being Human that we do have aspirations we do have desires and things that we want to actually build in our life and to be a stand for something so whilst his quote is powerful and it points to True Transcendence in in a way that we become Accepting of all things I I I don't know if that's necessarily the most fulfilling way to live

life it might be a peaceful life but I for one I'm a big stand for no I really want to create something that I'm I am actually interested in having some say over how do you deal with suffering in your own life and what are the flavors of suffering that you experience tons of alcohol nice actually no I gave that up many many decades ago um gosh I mean it Runs the gamut right sometimes I'm incredibly gracious and graceful about it I'm in what I would consider to be my more evolved state of Peter croh

who has uh got to the Dizzy Heights of some sense of Liberation from the idea of myself so there would be a holding of the suffering there would be a compassion for the part of me that's suffering there would be a real love for the part of me that's suffering um that's the ideal scenario Sometimes I go more into it and I can have the pity party and the woe is me and it becomes um a means by which my day gets derailed for a moment and the moment could be five minutes it could be

five hours I think is obviously if I matured it tends to be more the former fortunately where I can make space for my humanity and recognize that the suffering is really the opportunity to look at some form of constraint that I've yet to actually transcend so I see It more as a gift to dive deeper into the aspect of my true self that is abundantly powerful and fund Fally free so something's being triggered where I'm not living from that space so when I have my wits about me I see suffering as the access to actually

more freedom so I have a tendency of oscillating in and out of quite a bit of suffering I think the subjective experience of my suffering is probably significantly less than many people on The planet yeah I would imagine um but I have a lot of avoidant Tendencies a lot of squirmy feelings a lot of you know whatever this feeling is I don't want to feel it and I want to distract and I want to get away from it yeah and I feel very confident that that is ends up me just pushing kicking the can down

the road yeah and eventually I'm going to have to tend to it again and each time I get one of those suffering waves my feeling is it's A opportunity to learn and it's someone reframed it as like a friend that's like trying to tell you something it's like hey yeah hey that anxiety you're feeling that depression you're feeling that you know yearning that longing that wanting to be anything but yourself that you're feeling yeah it's there's actually a friend in that that's trying to communicate to you and you just don't want to have the conversation

and they're just going to keep on knocking Until you eventually you have the conversation with them yeah what do you think about that I think it's beautiful and if I might you know just sort of add to it because the way that I look at it is beyond a friend it's actually a child and it's a child that you're very familiar with and we could even for the sake of making it a powerful exercise consider it's your child yeah like if you were to be a father and I know you'd be an incredibly attentive adoring

Affectionate father and very loving father thanks so the image I give people which helps them to both see what we tend to do which isn't that attractive but also to flip it on ahead and give us the opportunity to have a different approach to it is imagine you're in a supermarket grocery store and your metaphorical child is sitting in the front of the car facing you and they're having a little bit of a meltdown call that their version of anxiety Depression uh upset and the tendency in the avoidant energy is to push the card away

slowly like that's not my child almost like in disbelief I I don't know whose child that is but it's certainly not mine and so that's where the shame and embarrassment comes in and it gets Amplified when we don't deal with it right so the old adage of what you resist persist so can you say more about the shame and embarrassment part yeah because there's it's twofold right it's Both on the side of the child orbe perhaps unconscious right so whatever the feeling is that the child is having there's some shame and guilt that we superimpose

on top of that as though I shouldn't be having that feeling right I'm mature I've done a lot of work I've done a bunch of plant medicine I've done a bunch of workshops I've read a bunch of books and so we can start to superimpose our own world of Almighty us and all the work that we've done that we Should now be above any kind of you know very benign Human Experience and so I think that's where the compassion comes in and that's why I love that image of having a child especially if it's ours

like if it was literally your child who was upset crying and frustrated the natural tendency certainly of any parent and certainly a loving parent would be to hold the child to see the child to hear the child to literally pick them up so that's an invitation both to yourself And anyone listening who might sort of see the image of pushing the card away as what they tend to do with their avoidant energy and something that you don't feel comfortable addressing and go oh hang on a minute this is an this is an invitation this is

a gift to see that part of me that perhaps never had its needs met for you know whatever reason without any judgment towards care providers or parents that that child wasn't fully Held wasn't fully seen wasn't fully heard and certainly wasn't fully loved so that's where I was speaking to earlier for myself how I deal with uh suffering in my most gracious evolved State I bring nothing but love to it because it's a part of me that's just simply asking to be attended to what is it about love and relationships particularly romantic relationships that induce

those child aspect aspects of ourselves some of that The deeply held stored patterns that you know in our business life or our friendship life might not really come to the surface but suddenly with a romantic partner you're like oh here's all of my all of my baggage yeah I mean put simply because it's more at stake right when we're walking down the streets if someone were to say like imagine walking past the homeless person who's God knows high on whatever and they're say ah you fing crazy person where you know they're Screaming at you it's

like you know either there's a smirk like you have a comical response or you just completely ignore it but when it's your girlfriend boyfriend husband wife it's you know it's like daggers to the heart and so what happens is it's twofold right there's the biological impact of being entwined with someone like the literal metaphorical figurative heartstrings of our attachment to somebody combined with the significance that we give their Words and their behaviors right this is the superimposition of expectation because you're my partner my spouse you're meant to act in a certain way and so we

tend to superimpose the care providers that we had and most particularly the ways that they didn't show up for us because it's where we're using the other I like the term as a sacred vehicle to ourselves um there's a great book by um uh gosh James Hollis I think his name is called um Return to Eden and he uses that term of like the other is really the sacred vehicle to ourselves right meaning that the other person is simply a mirror for us to see where we have uh at a fundamental level abandoned disowned our

true nature and so that's the beauty of relationship especially committed relationships right I think why marriage can be you know both the Bliss and Bane of somebody's existence because there's all the joy and the Euphoria of meeting someone You're in love with but simultaneously there's this literal agreement that I'm not going to go anywhere uh of course that gets broken but it's the you know the the the sort of emotional version of an octagon an expression I've never used before but it's sort of you're in the cage with somebody and you're going to battle until

such time that you submit to your own fears and courtesy of the other and I I think if it can be reframed that way it truly is beautiful And and and I want people to consider the way that I have over the last sort of six to eight months particularly grown a lot in my understanding of Love courtesy of my own situation if you can really look at the other as not so much I'm in love with them but rather they are the Catalyst for my own greatness yeah right and so it's actually it may

seem at one level a bit dismissive but that person is really the means by which I Get to access the greatest version of myself because of them through them and around them right and that for me is such a beautiful reframe because then we don't put so much pressure or demands on the other person of they have to act a certain way for me to feel safed for me to feel loved and accepted but rather even if they're withdrawing their energy and I think for the masculine to particularly understand the feminine by Design is going

to test at times right We could say we call that drama emotional outbursts meanness anger whatever it is but I think that's actually the The Cauldron through which the masculine becomes masculine right it's are you going to sort of retreat into sulky little boy energy or you going to up the ante on the container you hold for the feminine so that she can continue to feel safe and that you actually by virtue of that become more of the Divine masculine that I assert Every man truly wants to be so what would your um guide be

for a person that's maybe lonely and is sitting at their house and they're scrolling through their social media or do their emails or their TPS reports or whatever it is they do yeah and they're just like what am I doing what is the purpose of any of this why am I here I feel alone I don't have any close relationships if I was in a you know some hardship situation I don't know who I would call Actually feels emotional me me talking about it because I can like feel into it and I feel aspects of

that Within Myself it's also I have a lot of people that are close and I'm very grateful for that but I think that's one of the most heavy poignant um aspects of the modern Human Experience it is and I I love that you be someone who can speak to that especially as it's something that you deal with right that's I I acknowledge your vulnerability and your capacity as A man to go there which I think is beautiful I I mean I think there's two things one I think you're very accurate because I posted something probably

two weeks ago um if people want to watch it called suicidal ideation it's like on the cover of the post it's about I depending on when this comes out maybe 10 or a dozen posts ago not that far yeah but it's hands down the most viewed post I've ever had I mean it's Now well over 1.2 1.3 million views which for my following is quite significant and I think it speaks to the point that you just made that so many people are in that space of struggling questioning the purpose of life the feeling of hopelessness

powerlessness and they're doing they're doing it quietly yes and it's not a proud thing it's and then there's a there's a fear at least I experienced this fear so maybe it would resonate but there's a Fear if people would know about this they won't accept me and I'll go even deeper into loneliness yeah so the thing I want people to understand is by Design the very nature of who we are for ourselves which we could call ego personality identity um is a separate entity right so if you understand the nature of the Beast that we're

up against which is by virtue of being here to go back to your very first question About suffer suffering we're all looking through the lens of a a mechanistic um frame that has us think that I'm over here you're over there and by virtue of that we're separate and separation is really the Forerunner the precursor to the feeling of desperation and and any kind of suffering because if I'm separate which is really a fundamental lie to without getting too esoteric the nature of life which is we're all interconnected call it Oneness Then which would be

with love then separation is synonymous with fear and I give a very simple example I think analogies help people to imagine how these um occur in us as humans is if you were to envisage a a herd of animals migrating and for the sake of the example one of the younger ones a baby sort of just drifted off the trail a little bit because it had it picked up on a scent maybe some food and sure enough it found something to eat it was A carcass it was something that it started to eat and enjoy

and it was there for let's just say you know 2 three hours doing its thing and then it it foraged it looked around and then before it knew it it's like oh [ __ ] you know we collectively the the the the tribe the the herd are moving somewhere and it comes back to the past and they've gone so I would acate that to the experience of our own Incarnation is That we come from Unity Oneness and we then incarnate into this form of which we are a very unique expression and we have this sudden

feeling of Separation so without having an audience to ask a question you know often I'll say what would that little baby's experience be most people going understand it would be scared it would be fear and that would only get exacerbated as Nightfall comes and there's bigger Predators out there so that to me just as a visual helps People understand what we're up against is that when we look through the lens of our own identity we're going to have the experience of basically a scared animal so to come back to your question of what do people

or what can they do when they're feeling lonely and they're in this place are both shame and guilt two things come to mind um the first thing I ask people is what does loneliness want so if I would ask you like what what does loneliness want connection Connection yeah so connection is the invitation to unite with our true self so I remember being in a workshop and someone said the same thing and they're like I'm lonely and they gave what I would consider to be very you know sensical strategic responses to their loneliness which is

I tried to go to a church I joined a yoga Community I've tried to engage more of my friends that's a strategy but what actually loneliness at The deepest level that you're speaking to which is very profound and certainly very human is actually asking for is the true connection and companionship of our of our greater self so rather than being distracted which is your response can I sit like quite literally just sit with the experience which is the feeling of my own sense of loneliness because that is asking to be connected with it's not looking

for an external exogenous strategy to get away from that would be An escape means right and people use all sorts of substances too so actually what loneliness is asking for is for me to show up with it so the companionship we're looking for I know this can seem sometimes confusing or challenging for people but really it's asking for me to sit and sometimes shutting your eyes doing some deep breathing and just be okay with the feeling of loneliness get to know it and what you find is it actually is so beautiful because it Really is

the essence of a child that has been left alone for a minute while the parents went to the kitchen or the living room and it's asking for you to be there with it so that's one thing another quote that comes to mind from KL Jung that I really love he said we have to find out what supports us when nothing supports us which seems paradoxical but it gave me chills just even saying it right CU it's beautiful and I would say it's Pointing to the same thing that when I feel the least supported when I

feel the most amount of Woe when I feel the most amount of hopelessness what's actually being called for is the real essence of who I am which is not not and never disconnected from everything so big self showing up holding little self that right now is just feeling a little lonely and I'm not saying that's an easy task but I am inviting people to consider that's the Only one that will actually mitigate the feeling because otherwise you can go out you can engage you can have fun you can go to parties dinner parties yoga classes

but you're still going to come home to that feeling until such time you get comfortable just sitting with it yeah it's like you run out of the the fossil fuels y you eventually eventually you're like okay we're we're we're out you got to come back to some kind of reoccurring Energy source yeah which is me holding space for the little me right and it's the wherever you go there you are adage right like you can go out there I use obviously you and I stand um aligned with all things Al apathic in the crazy world

of fixing problems out there with pills and whatever you know if a guy has high blood pressure and he's put on a beta blocker or some sort of hypertension medic medication you know it might seem that for the three four Five months that he's on it that blood pressure is normalized but if you come off the medication then it's right back so nothing's actually been resolved so I would say for people to understand as a biological comparison the same is emotionally right true that if you don't actually quote unquote deal with the root cause of

your feeling of loneliness which is incredibly human and incredibly beautiful then you will just quote unquote use your form of external Medication to avoid it only to eventually with the absence of whatever means of Escape you're using come back to the same feeling oftentimes exacerbated right because if we have through comparison preoccupied ourselves with a lot of things to keep us busy then the noise of loneliness becomes even louder because in the absence of other people or substances it's you know it's like the kid that's been screaming at the beginning or crying at the Beginning

is now screaming because you never address the crying in the first place so the soon you can sit with yourself and make space for that part of you because if you really break it down to its most fundamental components you're just having a feeling it's just a feeling you know and I I've used this expression recently I did a live event which was beautiful a couple weeks ago and I I said we're all so preoccupied with trying to feel better my invitation Is just get better feeling how do we do that what are the Mechanics

for the person that's sitting at home maybe listening to this right now maybe found on YouTube for this specific reason uh what what does that person do what do you what do you how do you communicate to that person by using both your example of when you said someone said it's like a friend I use more the child I think it breeds a little bit more compassion so you can Start with that as like okay what is your feeling right now it could be desperation it could be pointlessness it could be sorrow it could be

embarrassment it could be loneliness it could be whatever shame so you can start to make it easier by superimposing it onto another someone you love a friend or as I said in this case a child and especially if it's a parent you know if you look at one of your kids um and what would your Natural in inclination be in the presence of the other who has this feeling and without too much thought I promise promise you everyone is going to be drawn to either the feeling of Love or or Compassion or some sort of

just holding you know even if it's not a physical holding but invariably that's what's called upon um so that that then can elicit the feeling of like okay this quotequote person albeit really me is feeling a lot of guilt and shame right Now and my response to them would be profound love and acceptance It's okay and as I speak those words I also embibe that feeling Within Myself which is the container that my feeling that I was resisting is asking for it's really making space for all of it you know there's a beautiful metaphor analogy

of imagining you're having a dinner party and you have to invite emotions and you're putting the guest list together and at the top of the list you have fun You know you have positivity you have happiness they're all coming for sure you know you got the Joker the playful one and then you're like okay we could bring you know sort of a little bit of the the board person um I'm definitely not too happy about bringing anger like he really [ __ ] things up depressed brings everyone down anger it's the immune system it's your

protective coat all of them right so the point is with the dinner party You see we tend to cherry pick and we want to just have you know the pendulum swing in One Direction of what we might call positive emotions or feelings I think the invitation for us as humans to my point earlier is not about trying to feel better but get better at feeling which means making space for all of it which then is actually the conduit by which we become a much bigger human being which really is another way of saying you know

that who I am is freedom And Love Freedom for it all to show up and love of it being there so it sounds like a likely suggestion for a person experiencing that would be to sit in Stillness with it and welcome it what about for the person that says which is pretty standard in the world that we existent like I can't sit with myself I can't meditate I'm not a meditator I think I'm neurod Divergent I'm just it's just not I just things race and I gotta go I Can't take it yeah how do we

address that yeah for sure and it can occur that way and sometimes for that person they need a little support right so it could be a form of guided meditation it could be I'm just going to lie down or sit quietly for five minutes with some sort of support through you know whatever it is like insight timer heads space or whatever people use these days to help me get into a different state because the racing mind or the even the the Assertion that someone can't do that to me is the resistance right there's this avoidant

of whatever they think the the racing mind is it's discomforting right like oh no no I don't want to sit with that it's the awkward silence that people have on a date you know the there's no awkward silence what's happened is in the absence of talking and making a lot of noise at each other you're left with the thoughts in your own head which is do they like me what Did I do this for I'm not even attracted to this person like you're left with your own inner dialog which is actually if you can if

you can develop the practice and again I'm not saying this is easy you start with five minutes and maybe the next day you do seven and then 10 or whatever it is is like to be in the inquiry of like what is going on in my inner dialogue what are these narratives really pointing to I want to get to know that part of me better Because invariably it is the voice of a child so it's an invitation just as a parent hopefully would naturally be drawn to wanting to know their child better it's really that

invitation but for ourselves is and and as an exercise even the person who can't sit and meditate that's fine grab a piece of paper and pen and write down all the thoughts you're having and the associated feelings and just get it out of your head onto a piece of paper and Then maybe you know do whatever you have to do to escape for a minute and go outside go for a walk workout watch TV and then come back and then read what you wrote as if it was somebody else and you can even write it

as you know somebody else's voice like you know to Aaron this is how I feel right now so it's like a buddy sending you an email or a text and then once you read it as though it were somebody else just as an exercise you will again I'm I I pretty Much can guarantee be pulled into a feeling of compassion and love for that person which just by virtue of feeling it is helping to sort of through osmosis nurture the part of of you that you were previously avoiding something I've experienced in therapy very regularly

and I I think we even just through conversations we've had together I think recorded conversations as well is going back and addressing Parts Within Myself you know those various different Children I think that I was listening to an episode uh with you with somebody in preparation for this one of the things you reference was like the No Child Left Behind yeah you know it's like it's like how do we go back and retrieve the discarded parts of ourselves because in my experience there's various different Frozen versions of myself throughout my life yeah that will keep

on knocking until they get the love and care that they have been asking for since the Beginning or the understanding or feeling seen feeling heard feeling you know just like connected yeah and when we have I I believe that that is the definition of of trauma there creates like like a sscar or like an impression or a freezing in some aspect of our life and then the physical body continues moving forward but that impression remains and then there's the the Yung you know until we make the unconscious conscious it'll rule our lives and we'll Call

it fate yeah that is those Impressions or those frozen aspects of ourselves correct yeah what do we how do we because I think just if you're I think therapy would be a great suggestion with the right therapist and probably I wonder your perspective I on different modalities that you would recommend I have suggestions as well um but can a person address those parts just through sitting with themselves I know in like theas meditation they would They would say yes uh what are your thoughts on addressing like those deeper intrinsic parts of the self I think

it's both and it comes down to obviously the individual those who have greater faculty and maybe a little bit higher IQ or EQ and have done a bit of work as a sort of a precursor I think they can sit quietly with themselves make notes and recall vers versions of themselves various events of their childhood you know again I think it helps to get stuff Out of the head otherwise you're using the mind to try and heal the mind can be a little slippery so put it down on paper you know when I was age

three you know I was jumping around on my bed with my sister and I jumped too high and she fell off and my mom screamed and hit me you know I don't know I'm just making something up anecdotally but at that moment I decided that um I must never be too boisterous and so that became the kind of suppression of one Um own joy as a child and from that moment forth that that child decided that I mustn't be too much somebody else over hears a parent saying to them you know that you were actually

a mistake and from that moment that child decides that I was unwanted and so for that reason they either coped and developed the strategy of being the best student to try and feel wanted or as often is the case sadly they go into the dark place of self-abandonment and then Self-abuse which could manifest as an adult who literally harms themselves because what's the point I'm not wanted anyway so I think depending on the individual you can go back as best as possible recollect the moments of your life that were you know the most upsetting trauma

for sure is an accurate word but I think sometimes people disassociate from that but just you know what are the some of the worst memories of your childhood What are the things you went through and just really do an audit and write them down for sure if you can sit with someone who's skilled in the way that they can listen whether it's a therapist a spiritual teacher a coach a priest whatever a great friend um to say you know gosh I can remember so I use myself as an example obviously I was um orphaned by

the age of 17 my mom died when I was seven and my dad went to work when I was 17 never came back and so When I did some of my sort of uh retrieval work for that little boy and this is an exercise that I actually take people through in the Mastermind which is very powerful my three-month program that I mentioned to you is I do take people through this and it's I would say it's one of the most moving parts of the whole Mastermind because the stories you hear where people have never done

that work you know for me obviously there was this Feeling of alone aloneness like I'm alone in the world like literally quite literally I didn't have siblings and so his response to me that child what I could feel is he just wants to make sure he's never going to be left alone again and so my conversation with him again as part of this exercise is no matter what happens you will never be left alone I will always be here with you I always be there for you I'm not I'm not going anywhere that's a that's

a thing that I Got from a therapist was like having a talk with that part of myself of uh yeah I'm with you I'm not going anywhere and it literally moved me as an adult to tears and so that's you know that's a powerful exercise so yes to answer your question some people can do it by themselves if they're pretty disciplined and they can get things out of their head also it depends on memories sometimes the memories are that you know challenging there's some Abhorrent things happen to children as sad as it is to say

and as a way of coping we can block those things out because it was just too hard we we just didn't know how to process that as a child and so there was literally a survival strategy that got put in place um and those those very very natural feelings were just denied and ignored so that can that can require a little bit more help and sometimes people use obviously plant medicines to be able to Access those as well so I think there's different methodologies and modalities I'm a big fan of getting support you know I

think we all need each other to help and finding someone who has a lot of unconditional love and hopefully the capacity to listen in a way that they can probe and ask the appropriate questions for us to retrieve those children um but yeah there's a timeline right when I was three when I was six when I was seven when I was 13 there's Usually there's this abandonment of of ourselves at different times in our life because we were under the impression that in in order for us to survive we had to become someone so that

we were loved and accepted and that's the that's the fundamental lie that everyone is playing right now as far as I'm concerned we manipulate ourselves in order to try and be loved and accepted because at the very beginning of our journey here we Made an agreement a bit unconsciously with our care providers that as long as you don't kick me out into the jungle meaning if you keep me under the roof with some sort of food and safety then I'll manipulate myself to be the child that I think you want me to be and that's

the original abandonment of self- wound something you mentioned was uh he mentioned the word disassociation yeah I wonder so there's obviously like you know like a clinical Kind of definition of disassociation which you know is is very clear it's like you know you're it's like your spirit is leaving the body is kind of the way way it when ends up manifesting I feel like a lot of people and I would imagine myself to some degree are a expressing a subtler form of disassociation and don't realize it it's just normalized disassociation mhm you know what I

mean yeah oh for sure you know you could call That brain fog you could call that irresponsibility you could call that lack of presence you could call that procrastination you know these are the way that we term it as an adult is like oh how come I'm not really getting more done in the day well there's there's an avoidance to just presence right which most people don't understand they're at some level of tending to orbit perhaps in an avoidant way the things they don't want to look at in their head you know Whatever feelings they're

having yeah it's sort of akin to a mother in the kitchen who is preoccupied with cooking food for the family whilst the kid is tugging on her skirt saying mommy mommy mommy and she's aware of it but doesn't want to address it and so I feel that's what we do as adults is that we become preoccupied and busy with the the justification of where we're trying to get well yeah but I I just got so much to do and I've got this Deadline and I've got to make money and I've got to pay rent but

really what's actually asking to be attended to is a part of us that still feels hurt and upset and fundamentally scared right to me every emotion comes down to these primordial basic emotions I call their two which is I'm upset or I'm hurt and I'm scared do you still experience loneliness is that a part of your life uh very rarely I I had it not that long ago for the first time in I'd say Many many years and being who I am I actually found it quite beautiful because it was an invitation to something where

I had we could argue through my experience of being offened developed my coping strategy was you know quite um Adept Independence right I become incredibly capable of being by myself and so why I found it quite beautiful Was because I was like oh actually you know what this is an invitation for for me is really beautiful companionship and starting with myself for me to sit with that little boy that I just sort of spoke about or spoke to about please never leave me alone you know so it was both that but also it was a

bigger invitation for me to look at going from a guy who has accomplished quite a lot being by himself and entering a New paradigm of being with other people you know in a way that could be romantic professional personal but really enjoying the camaraderie of community and you know this was really inspired through the Romantic sort of frame for me of being with somebody then not being with them and then realizing oh wow there's just something there that also makes space for all of their trauma right which is what I was struggling With previously is

you know just as I'm inviting people now to allow for our own hurt and scared emotions however they manifest can I even be big enough to make space for somebody else's you know so that that's something that I did have recently and it's really quite beautiful in terms of what it's opening up for me something else I think is I wanted to have you touch on or talk about was um victimhood yeah yes uh so major one something I I heard you Mentioned in another conversation as well is we attract the precise people and circumstances

I think I add Li some of this to elucidate the aspects of ourselves that are not free yeah freedom is our true nature we're always subconsciously moving towards freedom and the people that we bring into our lives that we might blame for being XYZ thing and kind of place this power into them and remove it from ourselves and put it into them um are In fact our creation and they are in fact elucidating aspects of ourselves that yeah we are are limited yeah and there's there's like a subconscious Compass continually tracking finding the exact Circumstance

the exact person to draw up that exact thing where I'm not free uhuh absolutely yeah you used a much F fancier word with elucidating but mine was you know life will present with people in circumstances to reveal where you're not Free yeah right is the original quote so yeah that goes back to what I was saying about the every human being is really the sacred vehicle to ourselves right everybody is the excuse to reveal for us where we are still bound and that to me is the ultimate human uh purpose is really we're here to

transcend what I say the constraints with which we arve so think about it again I like to use analogies I think visuals help people if you're standing in your bathroom and You're looking in the mirror and what you see in the mirror let's say as a very simple example that we've all you know at some point in certainly in our teens experience is you got a big pimple on your forehead and you're screaming at the mirror as though the problem is in the mirror that is the same that we do when we look at our

partner right the the the experience that you don't like is the reflection of something that's with you Not in the mirror I mean the mirror is usually quarter of an inch think right there's nothing in it so the other person in this case or the circumstances are literally the excuse or the mirror which obviously people use quite regularly as an expression oh well your partner is just your mirror but like really really get it like you know it is just revealing where you're not okay with something and that doesn't mean that we withstand abuse or

you know These discomforting situations that a lot of relationships are rightly so ended upon but really just to see wow you know what is it that I'm uncomfortable with I'm being triggered by uh I'm frustrated by that's the Divine in invitation to a bigger version of myself and one of the one of the questions I ask myself quite regularly is can I be with this and whatever this is you know if I can't be well then there's an opportunity for Me to discover a little bit more of my Divinity that becomes big enough to be

okay with that and sometimes being with this means not that I have to sit there in this you know really discomforting abusive situation what I can be with is maybe that I'm going to remove myself from this job this relationship like I'm okay with choosing self Lov in this case um a lot of people they can't oh well I can't because of money or kids or there's a Rationalization which is is just the way that the ego gets to justify its own feeling of worthlessness not being safe not being wanted whatever it is so yeah

yeah it's it's it's beautiful when you really understand that this this dimension of planet Earth is the the sort of arena in which all of our limitations get exposed it shifts the way we relate to everything it's not out there which is the victimhood mindset to go back to Your question if I'm a victim then I am falsely looking through the lens that I am at the effect of Life something is happening to me because of something or someone now I really want to underscore this with a very big disclaimer that there are people out

there who really have HH horren heinous incredibly tragic situations to deal with right there's the extremes of sex trafficking and you know for somebody who may have been through that know someone who's said Well of course they're a victim and it's a really hard thing to swallow but I want people just to consider underline capitalize consider that at some level our soul and the journey that we're here is curated for whatever it is that we need to learn and whether you attribute that just a Karma you know or whatever you want to call it there's

still no victimhood because as long as you're thinking you're you're a victim then you are powerless you're not Recognizing your own divine nature to co-create your experience in life because if you also look at look at it this way and this is the way that I can at least for myself find some degree of peace with it if you knew that today somebody who committed some atrocity they murdered their neighbor or something but you found out by virtue of that Karma that that person in the next Incarnation had to experience sex trafficking meaning they were

the quote Unquote child then it doesn't condone it but at some level it brings a degree of understanding that in the world of you know cause and effect there is an ultimate balance right and again one of my quotes I say there's no greater debt collector than Karma so meaning that whatever it is that we do the energies and the actions that we put out in the world just as I can take a sip of this bottle of water there's Karma built into That action in this case it's going to get filtered through my kidneys

and at some point I'm going to have to use the bathroom right yeah so that's one way to hopefully help people to reconcile some of these bigger tragic events that can happen out there and still try and get out of victimhood of course for the main standard deviation of humans we're just dealing with the Wes of life and I'm not saying they're ideal but if you can at least get out of the mindset that it's Happening to you but rather it's something that is to use your word elucidating the limits that you are still holding

on to being right about that's a power ful way to be able to reframe life that okay why is this happening for me well because ultimately I'm a powerful being whose inherent qualities of Freedom love pure value possibility and for some reason I'm not quite getting that so life is kind of gently or not so gently knocking me on The forehead and giving me this personal circumstance so that I can remind myself of that what are some of the other factors that you see with people that distance create a distance between themselves and an internal

sensation of Freedom that we haven't talked about some of the other reasons they do that yeah factors reasons qualities um I mean belief systems because as crazy as it might seem the primordial imperative of the Ego is to be right so if that's its main a focus and intention then we will find evidence to be right as to why this relationship didn't work why I didn't get the job why I didn't get the interview why I didn't get the audition this was too good to be true I told you it would never last right you

know all of these expressions that we use as humans is really to maintain the world of scarcity and lack and our own sense of inadequacy and Insecurity what are we doing there we're just being valid and right about our own narrative about oursel that to me was when I first started my work 25 years ago that was the most astonishing part of this mechanism is that it would rather be right about A Life That's unfulfilling and often times really repletes with suffering than actually be committed to what I assert we're all here for which is

to find trueu for you because they're certain and they're Suffering yeah yeah again I tell people just because it's familiar doesn't mean it's good for you right but you do get to be right and and if you really understand the actual physics of it because I would assert the nature of the ego it's just a conversation it's not a truth so in order for it to sustain itself it has to find evidence in order to actually stay alive right so it's a form of life or death and that's why everything can seem so dramatic and

why People's responses or more reactions can be you know you're elusive those characteristics in the people around you because that's what you're seeking that's what you're creating yeah yeah which is like you know again one of my quotes I say being right is the poor man's version of selfworth there is another um I don't even know if this is a quote I guess a quote it's a short one but you can either be you choose to either be right or be in a relationship That's something that I've I have leaned on very heavily where I'm

like there's part of me an ego part of me that's like like yeah and then there's the other part of me that just desires peace and spaciousness and ease and acceptance and compassion and love yeah all of which I would say fits under the opes of Freedom right you get to be free to allow both both whatever it is that they're saying that seem to be pissing you off or triggering you and your instinctual Reaction to it right you can make space for both and that's the beauty of a really love loving relationship is when

you're with somebody who can hold the container for both you get to have the most beautiful vulnerability which to me is synonomous with intimacy right is that you don't pretend to be someone like oh that didn't upset me but you know share like you know what you just said was really hurtful and I want to look at that not through the lens of you Did something to me or I'm a victim but thank you for whatever you said and maybe if you want to be honest and might be some semblance of your own intentional harm

towards me which would be your ego um and this might allow us to become closer and see wow this is our own little children who are kind of just having a tantrum I can remember when I was a podcast with Aubrey once he was talking about an issue he'd had with his With VI's wife and I broke it down I said Yeah so basically you were both just having a tantrum and I mean he could not stop laughing because he's like that's exactly what was literally exactly what it is those frozen parts from she was

12 you were 17 those aspects were brought to the surface you're both out of control you're in this reactivity place you're fighting for your life and you think you're having a conversation because when you Really break it down and you look at the Dynamics of it energetically what's actually happening way way deeper beyond the words that we're saying maybe even shouting at each other is there's a threat to the feeling of being loved correct and when you get that it's really quite beautiful it's like just one person often both both a feeling that the love

they thought they could rely on is being pulled away MH and Often times the sort of more traditional response of a masculine is to withdraw not saying always sometimes men really you know raise their tempers and their angers and their words but oftentimes the woman is a little bit more reactionary and emotional about it so you know when you can see those patterns at play and realize oh actually both people are just feeling the threat of the absence of love again hopefully it invites people to step more into Compassion and realize oh it's okay I

love you and there's part of me right now that just feels scared or hurt tell me about forgiveness the value of forgiveness for freedom to cultivate Freedom what's the relationship between for forgiveness and freedom it's yeah it's such a beautiful energy right you know and often times again based on the audacity of the ego we think forgiveness is something we afford somebody which is Really slippery because it sustains and perpetuates the victim mindset but with a sort of martyrdom beneath it right like well something bad happened to me I'm a victim but I'm such a

good person I'm going to forgive them right so it becomes quite a vicious cycle so I think forgiveness is a little bit more all-encompassing it's less from the perspective of an individual that I assert I am against another individual that I think is separate to me but it's More it's the Embrace of humanity as a whole the we're all doing the best we can within the Realms of our current awareness and that includes me and so forgiveness isn't towards somebody but rather it's like love it's it's all inclusive and that doesn't in any way condone

some of the things that happen out there right in the world there's atrocities there's just horrific things that people do to other humans so that can be powerful in terms of forgiveness Both for self and other that I was even in that situation for whatever reasons of karma that I was supposed to meet that person and get whatever mistreatment I got but it's it's it's a it's synonymous with real surrender and acceptance right because otherwise I think the alternative is Vengeance it's you know getting the better off making someone wrong and that leads to more

disease within oneself dysfunction yeah it's Toxicity that you hold within yourself yeah so again it's where I say it comes down to you're either a victim or you're 100% responsible for your life and it isn't on or off switch you know so when you get that and again I'll use myself as an example this may seem relatively benign to compared to what some people go through but I was on my vaser scooter and I went through a green light but very quickly I kind of had a little Bit of momentum as I came to it

so it just turned green so I was sort of very quick so to speak off the line and a car was sort of Trapped that I didn't see because it was waiting to go and it it completely T-boned me because it was coming from the other direction and the light had just gone red for him obviously but he was caught somewhat in intersection I hadn't seen him fortunately wasn't going too fast but I was spread across the highway and again Fortunately I was okay I was definitely you know knocked up a little bit with some

road rash and my bike was written off but as we pulled our bits some pieces to one side he pulled over and I picked up the scraps on my bike and so we could exchange the paperwork of our insurance he was a little bit in shock that I wasn't upset and he thought I was in shock because I wasn't upset and I said to him very clearly I said look you may not understand what I'm about to say But I want you to hear it I am as responsible for what just happened as you are

because I was there and that doesn't in any way like dismiss the fact that based on the laws that we play as as humans you know your insurance is going to pay for a new bike and whatever I might need and that's okay that's just the logistics of how we play this game in this three-dimensional um Paradigm but from a spiritual level for whatever Reasons I'm in this situation and I'm Going to take 100% responsibility for my presence in this situation and he was blown away and it made our exchange so pleasant he said I've

never heard anyone say anything close to that like normally people be screaming you know he said I was one accident the person I thought was going to punch me because of what happened he hit another biker no it was just another car accident I don't know what he was ever in I guess yeah maybe he's just taking out bik the last biker Was really pissed yeah you're number five you're the most yeah um so so that to me again is not in no way to put myself on a pedestal I I certainly wasn't always looking

through that lens when I was younger you know [ __ ] did seem to be happening to me but that does at least invite a a real sense of ownership accountability and power into our life that in ways that I don't always understand or even agree with the events Of my life are nonetheless somehow to do with my own Evolution and for that reason I'm going to take some I'm going to take full responsibility and on the human level there may be some you know things that other people have to literally take responsibility for right

you know and there's also the availability for um there can be a repression of Perfectly Natural Healthy emotions and feelings that might even feel totally out of control or an Expression of anger or expression of any of those things and then hopefully there's still an adult in the room so the person that you're corresponding with hopefully and they can have compassion for that experience and hold the space and the container for that and say I can hold this with you yeah out like I'm I'm sorry I [ __ ] up and yeah let it out

and that really speaks back to what I was saying about a beautiful relationship which is you know Where I can love love you and that includes all part of you and I know at times that will allow for and even invite your child to shop you know periodically with their anger with their frustration with their meanness with their sulking and that's okay and so really that is the Catal for that forgiveness right which is I think it's not oneto one but it's it's all right that forgiveness is synonymous with us accepting our own Humanity yeah

will the Child be accepted without judgment and in a lot of the spiritual Realms I think there can be a lot of self- judgment to experience emotions like unfavorable emotions well there mean no unfavorable emotions but the concept of an unfavorable emotion is a problem in and of itself yeah too high above all the things I don't feel any those like Subterranean nether Sensations is like well you're you're probably hurting yourself and those Around you or at least restricting their capacity to open their hearts yeah just to feel again it gets back to what I

said you know we're so some programmed and certainly have the inclination towards just wanting to feel better and no one would you know begrudge a human who's just trying to feel better I mean it seems like totally sensical right when in fact the invitation is to just get better at feeling and making space for all of it and the beauty of that is The degree to which we expand the container for ourselves to feel what typically happens is the feelings that we are less favorably drawn to or that we might sort of delineate as negative

or not wanted they they tend to dissipate anyway because we become so broad that they're they're not an issue anymore it's actually the resistance to feelings that can create the Suffering The Feelings themselves are just feelings but to come full circle to your First question suffering is invariably the resistance to what is naturally already arising well that's cool that was pretty much just an hourong convers that was an hourong response to the first question we're back just to put a nice little pink bow on top of it thank you so much man um so you

have some avenues for to go deeper into this world that you've developed can you share please like how people Yeah sure well people can find out more they go to my Instagram is just my name at Peter Crone and equally my website peter.com and the two best routes to discover the Transcendence of suffering uh the easiest most accessible is my membership platform called Freedom uh which is I made super affordable it's just 29 bucks a month with over 80 hours of content that's worth I think around 77 8,000 and it also has a community aspect

To it so you meet like mind Souls who want to be free and find love and possibility and then if you want to do a much bigger Deep dive I have my three-month Mastermind which is my most powerful and for me most inspiring offering where we go on a journey together we meet every two weeks for theory in the morning and then we do coaching in the afternoon where I talk about all of the various distinctions and practices of my work and then you See live coaching where Minds get blown and hearts get opened and

then even between that we have a community meeting with some of my mentors to help integrate the work and it's the most comprehensive thing I offer that's my is the date that that starts that starts on the 24th so I think the last time yeah the 24th of August so the last chance to sign up for that will probably be yeah the 21st so hopefully uh this well this will be out before then so people can Sign up awesome life-changing event I appreciate you I really enjoyed that conversation I'll have to give it another Gander

come back to some notes I appreciate you my friend I love you and it's always fun to be with you and thank you for you know believing in my work and wanting me to come on here and share it with your audience yeah man I appreciate you very much all right that's it that's all thank you all for tuning in and we'll see you next week [Music]