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Hello Joanna. How are you today? >> To be honest with you, not very good, Taylor.

And that is precisely what I just decided is it's time to look for help. >> Okay. And when you're you said not very good, can you tell me a little bit about that?

>> Well, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted by just life. The last three months have been really really tough and I just been struggling to to just do the very bare minimum and it's it's just life feels very overwhelming. >> Okay.

So, you're feeling very overwhelmed and you said the last three months have been really really tough. Can you tell me why particularly the past 3 months have been pretty tough for you? Um, I haven't been able to sleep much much at all and just not being able to sleep and then having to go to work and then I go to work and there is this new project and um this audit department just getting into our nerves and just asking for the littlest thing and this is just really getting into my nerves and I just dread to have to go to work and then when finally the weekend comes, I I used to go out with my um with my boyfriend and now he he just which had a very bad breakout and um things have been very very dark.

>> Sorry to hear about that. So, you recently had a breakup and work's been pretty overwhelming. Can you tell me exactly the types of emotions you have been feeling?

>> Sorry, can you hear me? >> Sorry, you froze. >> Oh, weird.

Taylor, you froze. Would you mind repeating the question? >> Oh, okay.

I'm sorry about that. I said, can you tell me a little bit about the emotions you have been feeling specifically uh while you were going through the breakup? And >> yeah, >> well, it was a long-term relationship, so I guess I had a lot of hopes, you know, for it.

And um my family, you know, al also had, you know, hopes about it and um just had um very big argument and um was very difficult. It was very difficult. I just felt I've just been feeling rejected and um alone and very hurt for what he said about me and uh how we broke up, you know.

So that has been very very difficult for me. >> Yeah. So, um, sounds like this relationship is very valuable to you and meant a lot to you and now that the breakup has happened, you're feeling rejected and it's been extremely difficult for you.

Um, and you said specifically on how you broke up and things he said. What how exactly did the breakup happen? Um, as I said, we had a very big argument.

It was like we had never argued like that day. And as usual, it was apparently for like a small thing, but then just escalated and escalated and he started just telling me that he just couldn't take it anymore and that he was wondering if I that he thought at the beginning that I would be, you know, the one and stuff like that. And then um yeah, he just didn't think like that anymore.

So it was really really sad to hear that from him and especially because he was very animated when he was talking to me and it got to be really confrontational and I'm just I don't do well with that. So the whole thing was a mess. It's just a mess.

So after this breakup happened, um you said you how are you feeling about yourself? As you said, he meant a lot to you and it sounds like his relationship kind of made you feel important until the end. And so how are you currently feeling about yourself?

It's very difficult to say this, Taylor, but I I feel like nobody is going to love me and I don't know if that's I just don't know if life is worth living with that. Yeah. Um, when you say life is not worth living, are you having certain thoughts about that specific topic about life not being worth living?

Yes. I guess lately I've been um just thinking a lot more about that to be honest with you. Okay.

>> Why I'm here because It kind of scared me to be gotten to that point, you know, to be thinking about those things. It's scary. >> Yeah.

How often are you having these thoughts? >> I cannot really tell, but like how often, but I do know that they are way way more often than before. It's just it just feels like since since that happened um everything else just feels worse.

You know, I was able to cope kind of okay with work. Um but now it's just like everything seems worse and those thoughts are just coming more often to me and that is just feels overwhelming. Just life feels overwhelming.

Okay. So, you're feeling overwhelmed and you keep saying these thoughts are coming to you. What are these thoughts saying to you?

>> Um that maybe I should just stop it all. Maybe I should just stop hurting and stop the pain. >> Okay.

And when you say stop it all, are you speaking what are you what do you mean by stop it all? Just can you be more specific? >> Well, just doing something, you know, to to just not feel anymore.

>> Okay. Um, when you come home after work and you're having these feelings, what kind of actions are you doing as you feel these types of things? >> Well, usually I'm crying.

I just cry myself to sleep. that has been happening for the last three months. >> Yeah.

And is there any people or anything you are talking to or any people or friends in your life right now you are talking to about this about these thoughts and feelings you have been having. you're the first person that I actually tell this but um yeah I mean I with my friends and you know my mom we have talked about the breakup and you know they're very supportive and stuff they're kind of like okay just move on you know just move on and I just cannot move on. >> Yeah.

Um, so you're saying you have spoken to family about this stuff and they're supportive, but they're just kind of brushing it off and saying just to move on. And how do you feel when they're telling you to move on um with your >> They just don't understand. They just don't get it.

They just don't get the pain. They just don't get the overwhelm. They just don't get the how I'm feeling.

They just don't understand. And I have tried to explain to them, you know, that I don't know, they just they just don't get it. >> Yeah.

So, they don't get it. And um you are continuing to have these thoughts and feelings. Are you acting?

How are you treating yourself? Are you uh having any negative actions towards yourself? What type of things are you experiencing?

Well, I don't know. I I guess maybe um I'm not sure like I I haven't been eating um that much at all. I have lost some weight.

My mom just commented on that. Um, some co-workers have also like asked me if everything is okay because I have lost quite a bit of weight in the last three months. >> Okay.

So, you're not eating as much. Um, you have these thoughts are continuing and uh like you have said the past three months have been pretty hard for you. Um, what thoughts are you feeling about yourself?

Like in terms of your selfworth, how are you feeling about >> oh that I'm that I'm not worth I'm not worth it. >> Well that's that's actually something that he said. So okay so feeling not worth it.

And when you tell yourself these things, are you reaching out to family during then during these times when you feel like you're not worth something? >> You know, usually that's like after work. At work, I'm so busy.

I actually don't have much time to think or feel, which is good, even though it's very stressful. Um, but when I get home, that's that's the problem. And I just go to my room.

I don't eat and I just cry and cry and cry and I cannot sleep. So I keep crying and then there's no more tears and I just keep just whailing I guess. Okay.

So when you get home, you're not eating, you can't sleep. You go into your room and you're crying and there's a lot of emotion. So it sounds like you are feeling currently not valuable.

Are are these feelings of val not feeling valuable happening on a daily basis? >> Yes. >> Yes.

Okay. >> The last probably few weeks it has been like an everyday thing. >> Okay.

In the past few weeks, have you wished any negative thoughts about yourself? Have you had any thoughts? You said you wish you weren't here.

Have you had any negative thoughts in the past few weeks? >> Yeah. >> Yeah.

That that's what I've been thinking uh the last few weeks. That's it has gotten worse. That's where my mind is going, you know, that I just need to I just need to end the pain.

I just need to end the pain. That's all. >> Okay.

When you say you need to end the pain, have you thought of a way to end this pain? >> Yes. Um yeah.

Um I have some used to have chronic pain and I still have some like pills and I keep them, you know, just in case. So, you've thought about taking pills when you are having these thoughts and emotions. Um, have you made a plan like on a scale of 1 to 10 and 10 being you're going to act on those act on that plan and one being you're not going to act at all.

What on the scale are you feeling currently? Um maybe a six or a seven. Yes.

>> Seven. >> Okay. Um going to ask you some questions and we're going to come up with a safety plan to kind of, you know, help you through this hard difficult situation.

Um, can you tell me about the main triggers that are causing these thoughts and feelings? I guess that I just get home and there is there's nobody there and I feel lonely and you know I start crying. >> Okay.

So, it's coming home to an empty home and there's nobody there and that's one of your main triggers. Is that your only trigger or is there other triggers you are experiencing? Well, sometimes I do you know how you get sometimes in your phone like random photos or things, you know, that just pop up um like memories and stuff and there pictures with him.

So, every time that that comes, sometimes it has even happened while I'm in the office and I just start crying. Okay. So, that's another trigger is looking at those pictures of him.

Um, >> when you see those pictures, uh, have you ever thought of removing them or what do you what is your kind of thoughts or feelings about >> I know, I know. My mom told me just just get rid of them. Just delete them.

But I'm just not ready. >> Okay. So, you're not ready.

Um, what other warning signs are you having? You said you're having thoughts and the thoughts specifically are Can you describe them again? like I I don't want to be alone or I want to I want to like we used to go out for walks so I'm like I would love to go out for a walk with him at this moment but >> okay so you you you used to go out for walks and you would like to but you said they was an activity you guys have done together are there any things besides talking to another person that kind of helps take your mind off your problems.

Does walking help or does that make you think of him? Are there any other strategies or things you like to do that kind of help take your mind off these things? Um, I would say um I think less about these things when I'm around other people like like when I go to the gym or which I'm not doing that much lately anyways, but whenever I get to do it and when when I'm when I'm talking with my family also.

So yeah. >> Okay. So when you go to the gym and you're talking to your family, is there any specific people or family members that would help kind of provide a distraction when you are having those thoughts and emotions even if it's for 20 15 minutes a day?

Well, I guess a couple of my cousins, they are they don't know much about I mean they I'm sure they know that I broke up, you know, with you, but um we're not that much in contact, but whenever I'm in contact with them, it's like it's good, you know, we just just share, you know, and we just talk not too long. So yeah, I guess I guess they would be two two people that I can reach out to. >> Okay.

So you have some people that kind of can provide a distraction. Is there anyone you can reach out to for help in a crisis? Anybody close to you?

>> Oh, well, yeah. I mean, like, well, maybe my mom, but I don't want to worry her. And my dad to my my brother, my younger brother.

Um, his his tried to be supportive. He he really tries. So, it sounds like I know you were saying you felt alone, but it sounds like you do have people that are supportive of you.

You said your brother's supportive. You have your mom and dad that you can speak to. So that is a positive that you do have some people who you describe as supportive to kind of be there for you in a crisis that >> Yeah, I guess so.

>> Yeah. And since you have been having these thoughts and emotions, are there any physicians or professionals you know to reach out to in a crisis? Well, I guess I have my um my family doctor.

It's been he's been he's been good. I guess he asked about how I'm doing every time I go to see him. So, I guess he would be the one.

>> That's good. And I would advise after our session to just kind of reach out and um let him know that you do still have to some of those medications and maybe he can go over the side effects and and you can talk to him and kind of see and admit a emergency plan with him as well. Would you be willing to do that?

>> Yeah. >> Okay. Um, and because of some things we spoke about today, I just have to um go over uh an assessment tool.

Is that is that okay? >> Sure. >> Okay.

In the past few weeks, you have said that you wish you were dead. Is that correct? >> Yes.

>> Okay. In the past few weeks, have you felt that your family would be better off if you were dead? Maybe.

>> Okay. In the past week, you said that you have had thoughts about killing yourself. Is that correct?

>> Yes. >> Yes. Have you ever tried to commit the acts of killing yourself?

No. Okay. So, what I would like us to do is kind of focus on the plan we have set in place.

Um, you kind of mentioned the triggers. How do you want to avoid the triggers in the next coming week to avoid these types of thoughts and feelings and emotions that you're experiencing when you go when you're going home alone? >> Can you repeat that question?

Um, I said that you had mentioned some of the triggers is when you go home alone or you see your ex-boyfriend's pictures. What are some ways you plan on avoiding um these triggers in the next in the coming week ahead while before we meet again? I'm not sure because I'm not ready to erase the pictures.

I just I I don't go look for them. It's just sometimes they just they just come up, you know, like memories, but I'm not ready to delete them. Is there anywhere you can go so you're not fully alone after work >> or someone you can call right after work?

>> Yeah, I guess I can call my call scenes that I was telling you about. >> Okay. It might change the pace instead of going straight home into being alone, making a phone call to a cousin or a family member.

Um, and you said some things you would like to do to kind of cope with these thoughts and emotions. Um, you like to take walks. And what else would you like to do to kind of take your mind off these problems in the next coming week?

And when you are experienced these experiencing these negative thoughts maybe going out with my mom maybe on the weekend. >> Okay. So maybe more quality time with family and it seems that you value your family and your relationships with your family.

Um, and you had mentioned that to provide distractions, you have your cousins you can call and you have your mom and your brother you can reach out to in a crisis. Um, you had mentioned you had access to pills in your home. Um, what are you planning to doing?

What are you planning on doing with those pills when you get home today? I hear what you're saying. I think I need to get rid of them.

>> Yes. It's just for your safety and um if not then we would have to break confidentiality and I know we're trying to work on an action plan to help with these thoughts and emotions. So you said you are planning on getting rid of them today.

>> Yeah. >> Okay. Okay.

So we have gone over quite a few things that we can work on this next week and um you have some people you can reach out to and I want to share something about myself as well. Um there are moments where I have felt very alone and when I do have these thoughts and emotions eventually someone does reach out and like you were saying you do have family members you speak to and then I realize I'm not always as alone as I think. Um I don't know if you feel the same way or if you'll feel the same way.

Um, but that is something to kind of think about is sometimes we feel more alone than we realize that we do have a support system behind us. Like you said, you do have your mom you can call and your brother you can call and your cousins. Um, so that's a good start.

Um, so the next coming week, I just want to focus on our action plan and everything we had spoke of today. And if there's an emergency, you can call me. you have my number and I will also print out um the crisis line if you do feel like you need to call someone after hours in this next coming week.

Does that sound okay? >> Yes. >> Okay.

Thank you so much. I hope the rest of your day goes well. Once again, I I will print this number out for you.

Feel free to call me and feel free to call this number if you need anything else and I'll be happy to see you next week. >> Thank you, Taylor. >> Thank you so much.