log entry 2187 Xeno Zoological research station Kepler 186f Dr Maya Patel lead xenobiologist you know what they never tell you in xenobiology school that no matter how far we venture into space no matter how advanced our technology becomes humans will always always end up being the Galaxy's designated pets sitters I'm staring at my reflection in the observation dome's transparent aluminum panels watching the twin moons of Kepler 186f paint everything in that signature purple Twilight we've all grown to love and I can't help but laugh at how I ended up here six years of specialized education
four years of interstellar field research and what's my claim to fame being the first human to scratch a fluffkin behind its sensory stalks and discover they purr and perfect C minor the station's AI chimes in with its usual impeccable timing Dr Patel your presence is requested in observation Bay 3 the mor fugas have brought another clutch of eggs for human inspection of course they have I mutter already heading for the lift because apparently humans are the only species in the known Galaxy who can tell if an egg is properly fertilized just by candling it you'd
think a species that evolv to lay eggs would be better at this than us mammals the lift descends through the station Central spine passing floor after floor of carefully regulated habitats through the transparent walls I catch glimpses of our current residents floating gas bags that sing in colors crystalline entities that communicate through careful Arrangements of their facets and my personal favorite the Squishies a species that looks exactly like someone turned a bunch of jellyfish loose in zero and taught them interpretive dance you know I announced to No One In particular as I step out of
the lift when humans first made contact with alien life everyone expected us to be the barbaric Primitives the violent ones the dangerous species I paused to accept a friendly bump from a passing maintenance spot nobody expected us to become the Galaxy's go-to babysitters that's when the proximity alert sounds and my day gets interesting standing at the perimeter fence all 7 ft of Rippling muscle and iridescent scales is a vexator first contact with their species was just last month and they're basically what you'd get if you combined a Bengal tiger with a peacock and gave it
the attitude of a caffeinated Velociraptor well I say reaching for my data pad this should be fun the vexit Ari's head swivels toward me six eyes blinking in that unsettling vertical pattern they have its tail TP with what we've classified as bioluminescent warning displays flickers and what I'm pretty sure is either a greeting or a threat with the vexator it's usually both station AI helpfully adds Dr Patel protocol suggests maintaining a safe distance of at least 20 Metter from unknown vitari specimens yeah I respond already walking closer my scanner extended put that in the file
under human risk assessment theoretical versus human risk assessment actual and cross reference it with why we can't have nice things the vexar watches me approach and I swear its expression is curious rather than hungry that's the thing about humans and alien creatures we may not speak the same language but somehow we always seem to understand each other little did I know this encounter would be the Prelude to the most interesting night of my career but then again that's just another Tuesday at the Galaxy's most unusual research Station 3 hours later I was face deep in
my fourth cup of coffee when every alarm in the station decided to have what we in the scientific Community call a complete meltdown Dr Patel The ai's Voice had shed its usual calm for something approaching actual concern we have a code Apex at the north entrance multiple bio signatures detected I spat out my coffee Define multiple one adult xari severely injured and there was an actual pause I didn't even know the AI could pause three juvenile specimens Cubs I was already running because of course I was this is what humans do we hear injured animal
with babies and our Common Sense takes a lovely vacation to somewhere tropical give me vitals on the adult the mother is showing significant trauma to her Left Flank blood loss approximately 18% and Dr Patel she's trying to access the airlock using the security keypad with her paw I skitted to a halt she's what now the security feed flickered to life on my data pad sure enough a massive vexator was methodically pressing buttons on the external keypad with one blooded paw behind her three smaller shapes huddled together their bioluminescent Tails dim with what I recognized is
fear send this feed to xenobiology wake up Dr Rodriguez and Dr Chen and somebody get me the Ambassador on the line because this I watched as the vexar actually tried a different combination this is new Dr Patel The ai's Voice had that tone it gets when it thinks I'm about to do something typically human protocol dictates that in the event of an apex predator encounter protocol can kiss my PhD open the outer airlock that would be inadvisable that's a mother trying to save her Cubs I reached the airlock just as the vitari tried a third
combination and she's smart enough to try to use our technology instead of just breaking in open it the airlock cycled open with a hiss the vitari mother's head snapped up all six eyes fixed on me up close she was even more magnificent and more injured than the sensors indicated her scales normally a shimmering Cascade of Blues and greens were dulled with pain and stre with purple blood hey there mama I kept my voice soft the way I'd talk to an injured tiger back on Earth let's get you and your babies inside yeah she made a
sound somewhere between a purr and a growl then did something that made every xenobiologist theory about vexator Behavior go right out the window she gently nudged her Cubs toward me Dr Patel the AI actually sounded flustered the mother appears to be trusting us with her Cubs yeah I knelt down keeping my movements slow the Cubs each about the size of a German Shepherd chirped in distress get medical ready and update the xenobiology text because clearly we need a whole new chapter on vexator intelligence the mother swayed her injuries finally taking their toll as the medical
team rushed in moving carefully around the Cubs who were now pressing against my legs I heard Dr Rodriguez whisper holy they're actually letting us help them language I muttered trying to keep my professional demeanor while three alien tiger cubs use me as a climbing frame there are children present the mother made that Pur growl sound again before collapsing as we rushed to state iiz her one of the Cubs scrambled up to perch on my shoulders its tail wrapping around my neck like a glowing scarf so I said to no one in particular who had alien
apex predator daycare on their career bingo card the station ai's response was immediate I've updated your job description to include impromptu xenop Cubs sitter would you like me to inform Zeno Zoological Central Command let's wait on that I suggested trying to detangle a curious Cub from my hair I have a feeling this is going to be a long night of explaining why humans once again are ignoring every safety protocol in the book The cub on my shoulders chose that moment to start purring in perfect C minor and there it is I sigh write it up
AI apparently purring in c minor is a universal constant the xenom musicologists are going to have a field day with this one have you ever tried to explain to three worried alien Cubs that their mother is going into surgery let me tell you there's no training manual for that none I checked twice they're agitated Dr Rodriguez observed from behind the safety barrier watching as I sat cross-legged on the floor with three increasingly Restless vexar Cubs pacing around me really you think I reached out to scratch behind the sensory Ridge of the smallest Cub I'd started
calling her spark in my head because her tail lights flickered like faulty Christmas decorations I hadn't noticed maybe it's because their mother is in emergency surgery and the only comfort they have is a squishy human who probably smells like coffee in bad decisions the station AI chimed in Dr Patel's stress levels are elevated but within acceptable parameters for human sarcasm thanks for that Stellar observation I muttered then yelped as the largest Cub Mally dubbed tank for obvious reasons decided my lab coat was the perfect chew toy hey that's not food and it's definitely not in
the research budget Dr Chen's voice crackled over the Comm Maya we need to know if there are any cultural taboos about sedation in vitari society the mother's fighting the anesthesia the middle Cub who I'd named bounce because gravity seemed to be more of a suggestion to her chose that moment to LEAP onto a monitoring console alarms blared hang on I called back I'm a bit busy preventing three apex predator Cubs from redecorating the station in early chaos style I lunged for bounce catching her midleap toward another console and how exactly am I supposed to know
about vitari medical tabos we made first Contact last month the AI helpfully projected a series of charts based on observed Behavior patterns vexar Cubs require constant physical contact for emotional regulation similar to Earth's panthera species you don't say I was now at the bottom of a purring pile of cubs each trying to get closer than the others quick question why didn't anyone mention this during first Contact that information was classified as theoretical until approximately two hours ago tank decided this was the perfect moment to test if my hair was edible theoretical right just like the
theoretical safe distance of 20 M the same 20 M I'm definitely not maintaining right now A chitter of amusement came from the observation deck a group of Mor fugas had gathered to watch their crystalline bodies refracting light in what I recognized as their version of pointing and laughing oh sure I called up to them laugh it up like you guys weren't hiding behind me last week when the cleaning bot went rogue the station's diplomatic liaison Ambassador Kazi chose that moment to arrive the arcturian stopped dead in their tracks all four arms Frozen in various gestures
of shock Dr Patel they managed voice modulating through several octaves why are you allowing the Cubs to groom you I was indeed being subjected to what appeared to be a thorough grooming session three rough tongues working in surprisingly coordinated shifts would you believe me if I said it was for science no fair enough I gently redirected Tank's attention from my hair to a medical scanner he seemed fascinated by look they're scared their mom's hurt and apparently I'm the designated substitute parent figure because humans are the only species crazy enough to let apex predator Cubs use
them as a jungle gym the ambassador's skin shifted through several shades of blue before settling on a confused Periwinkle you volunteered for this not exactly but you know us humans see a baby animal must protect baby animal it's basically our operating system the AI interrupted Dr Chen reports the mother's surgery is proceeding successfully however the Cub stress levels are elevating due to prolonged separation I looked at the three Cubs now curled around me like the world's deadliest security blanket Spark's tail was barely glowing tank kept making distressed chirping sounds and bounce had finally stopped bouncing
right I said making a decision that would probably end up in several research papers titled why humans shouldn't be allowed to make decisions AI prepped the portable monitoring station we're moving this cuddle puddle to the recovery room Dr Patel the Ambassador began regulations strictly prohibit letting apex predator Cubs near their injured mother yeah probably but has anyone asked the vexar what their regulations are I managed to stand impressively not falling over despite having three Cubs attached to me like velcro besides Earth history is full of examples of predator mothers allowing humans to help with their
cubs lions tigers wolves turns out being a universal sucker for baby animals has its evolutionary advantages as if to prove my point all three Cubs began purring in Perfect Harmony in c minor naturally the ambassador's skin turned a shade of blue I'd never seen before I will update the Diplomatic protocols you do that I said already heading for the recovery room with my Entourage of Cubs and maybe add a note about humans and their peculiar ability to turn any alien species into oversized house cats you know for science The ai's Voice followed me down the
corridor updating station guidelines new entry when in doubt trust human instincts about baby animals results May Vary coffee consumption will increase log entry 287b things they don't teach you in xenobiology school volume 457 hour six of what I'm officially calling operation Cubs or us and I've learned several fascinating things about vexar Cubs they have exactly zero respect for expensive medical equipment their idea of playing involves testing every possible Escape Route they can peret frequencies that make our sensors malfunction they're absolutely brilliant at problem solving unfortunately Dr Patel the AI announced with what I swear was
Amusement tank has discovered how to open the supply cabinet I looked up from where I was trying to prevent Spark from rewiring the entertainment system how is that even possible it has a biometric lock he observed you using it earlier and replicated the exact sequence of movements including the retinal scan I watched as tank proudly emerged from the cabinet with what appeared to be my emergency chocolate stash that's actually impressive terrifying but impressive actually Dr Rodriguez commented from the safety of the observation room this validates my theory about vexar cognitive development they're not just mimicking
their understanding cause and effect fascinating I deadpanned lunging to catch bounce mid- leap toward the ceiling vents maybe we can discuss their cognitive Brilliance after they stopped trying to reorganize the station's infrastructure the mother who we'd named Nova because apparently I couldn't stop giving them nicknames was stable but still sedated she stirred occasionally letting out soft purs when her Cubs cuddled close which they did approximately every 3.5 minutes according to the ai's extremely detailed log I have a question Ambassador Cooks had returned now accompanied by a delegation of various species why do you keep referring
to these highly dangerous apex predators as sweetie honey and you adorable little Menace it's a human thing I explained while gently extracting my hair from Spark's mouth for the h hundredth time we use diminutive Terms of Endearment for things that could absolutely kill us it's like a coping mechanism but with more baby talk the delegation exchanged concerned looks perhaps a Mor fuga crystalline scientist suggested their facets shifting in what I recognized as academic interest this explains why humans were the first to successfully domesticate Earth's predator species oh no I corrected now being used as a
climbing frame by all three Cubs simultaneously we didn't domesticate cats they domesticated us we just thought we were in charge because they let us think that kind of like now actually tank chose that moment to figure out how to operate the water dispenser the resulting chaos involved three very wet Cubs one equally wet xenobiologist and a lot of expensive equipment that suddenly needed waterproofing note for future reference I announced to the room at large vexar cubs really like water also their scales turn neon When Wet also also we're going to need more towels the AI
updated its log observation human capacity for adaptation extends to impromptu water park management you're enjoying this aren't you I accuse the AI while attempting to dry three squirming Cubs with my lab coat I am incapable of enjoyment Dr Patel I merely observed that your heart rate elevates with a combination of stress and pleasure whenever the Cubs engage in destructive learning behaviors that's a very fancy way of saying I'm having fun while everything falls apart spark now mostly dry decided to show off her latest Discovery she could change the color of her bioluminescent tail by varying
the pitch of her purr the resulting light show was actually quite beautiful if you ignored the fact that she was doing it while balanced precariously on top of a million credit scanning unit the Cubs appear to be treating you as a surrogate par Al figure Dr Chen observed through the Comm their behavior mimics documented parent Offspring interactions in Earth's big cats great I muttered now surrounded by three purring Cubs who had decided it was nap time with me as their mattress I've been adopted by space Tigers my mother will be so proud the AI added
helpfully your maternal instincts appear to be reciprocal Dr Patel you've referenced Earth's caretaking behaviors approximately 47 times in the last 6 hours nobody likes a know-it-all AI on the contrary your consistent validation of my observations suggests otherwise the delegation watched in fascinated horror as I settled in for what was apparently going to be a group nap three apex predator Cubs using me as their personal pillow you know I said to no one in particular when I wrote my thesis on in species bonding this wasn't exactly what I had in mind Nova stirred slightly in her
medical bed her purr harmonizing perfectly with her Cubs in c minor of course because apparently some things really are Universal the AI made one final log entry update to xenobiology guidelines when attempting to care for juvenile apex predators acquire Human Assistance preferably one with high tolerance for chaos and extensive vocabulary area of endearments coffee supplies should be tripled I yawned already half asleep despite being pinned down by three sets of rather impressive baby murder mittens add a note about waterproof equipment and maybe something about humans and their ridiculous ability to nap anywhere even when being
used as furniture by alien Predators especially then it started with the Razer backs I was in the middle of my daily report trying to explain to Xeno Zoological Central Command why our equipment budget had tripled because apparently we needed waterproof everything when the security alert pinged Dr Patel the AI announced we have a situation at the East entrance when don't we I was currently serving as a jungle gym for three recovering vexator Cubs while their mother Nova watched with what I swear was Amusement Define situation a pack of Razer backs with Offspring I nearly dropped
my data pad Razer backs were essentially space velociraptors with an attitude problem they made vitari look like teddy bears they're doing what now the alpha female appears to be requesting entry she's using the communication panel Nova lifted her head all six eyes blinking in that vertical pattern that I'd learned meant interest she made a chirping sound that sent all three Cubs scrambling off me finally feeling returning to my legs and watching attentively are you telling me I said slowly that word has gotten out about our impromptu alien daycare evidence suggests that news of your unique
caretaking abilities has spread through the local xenop population the Razorback Alpha's voice crackled over the Comm a series of clicks and whistles that the translator rendered as we seek the human who understands Cubs Nova made that purring sound that the AI had categorized as smug Amusement don't you start I pointed at her this is probably your fault I bet you told all your Predator friends about the soft squishy human who gives good scratches and has an unlimited supply of patience the AI interjected your patient supplies are currently at 43% and declining not helping by the
end of the day we had four Razorback Cubs learning how to use the water dispenser because of course they figured that out first three vitari Cubs teaching them how to open locked cabinets one very smug vitari mother a parade of alien scientists trying to understand what the hell was happening and me wondering if I could put Universal Predator whisperer on my resume fascinating Dr Rodriguez was practically vibrating with excit the Razer backs are showing the same trust behaviors as the vexator this suggests a pattern a pattern of every dangerous species in the sector deciding I'm
running a daycare yeah I noticed the Ambassador had called an emergency meeting the observation deck was packed with representatives from various species all watching as I sat in the middle of what can only be described as an Interstellar play group it appears kiix announced their skin cycling through academic shades of blue that we have severely underestimated human capabilities regarding xenop relations you think I was teaching the Razorback Cubs how to play fetch they were terrifyingly good at it we've only been telling you for years that humans have a special Knack with animals one of the
mor fuga scientists chimed in but this defies all logical prediction models AP PEX Predators should not willingly entrust their offspring to another species Nova and the Razorback Alpha exchanged what I swear was an eye roll you're thinking about it wrong I explained while gently preventing tank from teaching the Razorback Cubs how to hack the food dispensers it's not about logic it's about trust and somehow through all of human evolution we developed this thing this ability to connect with other species but how the scientist crystals were refracting in confusion because we care I said simply not
for any scientific Reason Not For any logical purpose we just care about Cubs about babies about anything small and helpless even if they're technically not helpless and could definitely eat us the AI added its observation humans appear to possess an override function where all safety Protocols are superseded by what Dr Patel calls baby anything syndrome n exactly wait no don't encourage this line of thought too late the scientists were already frantically taking notes that's when the proximity alert pinged again Dr Patel The ai's Voice had that tone that meant I wasn't going to like what
came next we have another group requesting entry species designation Crystal stalkers the Ambush predators that can turn invisible affirmative they have Cubs I looked at Nova who was definitely laughing now this is your fault you're the worst Yelp reviewer ever she just purred in c minor because apparently the universe has a sense of humor the AI updated its log observation human Capac capacity for adapting to rooll as universal Cubs sitter appears infinite requesting budget increase for reinforced play equipment and additional coffee supplies add waterresistant everything to that list I side watching as both sets of
cubs discover the joy of the sprinkler system and maybe some Universal toys that can't be used to hack security systems noted also noting that human tendency to adopt dangerous animals appears to to be reciprocal dangerous animals appear to have decided to adopt humans looking around at my growing managerie of alien Cubs I couldn't really argue with that final log entry how I accidentally became the Galaxy's most popular babysitter one month after operation Cubs R Us began I'm sitting in my office newly reinforced with what the engineers assure me is predator proof material writing what might
be the strange EST report of my career Dr Patel the AI announces Central Command has finished reviewing your proposal and I'm currently sharing my chair with a half-grown vexar cub tank still visits daily despite being officially graduated from our care his mother Nova has taken to dropping him off like I'm running some kind of alien Predator daycare which technically I now am your request to establish the first first Interstellar xenop Youth Development Center has been approved I nearly fall off my chair tank studies me with his tail because apparently that's what we do now they
what additionally they've approved your promotion to director of xenop relations with a specific focus on juvenile care and cross- species socialization they're actually letting me run this circus officially the ai's tone is definitely amused now the exact wording was and I quote since Dr Patel has already established herself as the Galaxy's preferred Predator Cubs caretaker we might as well make it official and study how she does it tank Pur smugly in the specially reinforced playroom next door I can hear the newest batch of cubs a mix of vexator Razorbacks and Crystal stalkers engaging in what
the official reports call socialization activities but what is actually an elaborate game of hide and seek your mother started all this I tell tank who just blinks his six eyes innocently one emergency visit and suddenly every predator species in the sector decided humans were the Galaxy's designated babysitters the station's observation deck has become a popular spot for xenobiologist studying what they're calling the human caretaker phenomenon today's group includes representatives from 15 different species all watching in Fascination as I conduct my daily class the remarkable thing I overhear one scientist saying is that it's not just
the Cubs the adult predators are actually learning to trust humans in general not to mention the impact on inter species relations Ambassador kiix adds their skin is cycling through proud shades of blue we've seen more diplomatic progress in the last month than in the previous year I'm about to respond when the AI interrupts Dr Patel Nova has arrived with a new group already it's not even lunchtime I stop as I see what's following Nova through the airlock it's a juvenile shadowa the species that makes vexar look like house cats the one that even other Predators
avoid Nova gives me that look the one that says I've brought you another challenge human really really I ask her the Galaxy's most dangerous apex predator she responds with a purr that the translator renders as you are human you understand Cubs all Cubs and you know what she's right all right I sigh already reaching for my newly reinforced lab coat AI update the logs apparently we're expanding our program again noted also noting that your Capac capacity for adopting increasingly dangerous species remains consistent with initial observations about human behavior just added to the research papers I'm
sure someone's writing their thesis on this already as I walk toward our newest arrival I can't help but smile somewhere in Humanity's long Evolution we developed this absolutely ridiculous ability to bond with dangerous animals it made us survivors caretakers and apparently now it's made us the Galaxy's most Trust babysitters the shadow ma Cub looks up at me with eyes that glow like distant stars and I know exactly what's going to happen next let me guess I say to both Nova and the AI it purrs in c minor the answering perr in perfect C minor naturally
Echoes through the station the AI makes its final log entry conclusion humans Remain the Galaxy's most improbable yet most effective caretakers of dangerous species addendum stock of coffee being tripled again and that's how Humanity found its niche in the Galaxy not through force or fear but through our absolutely ridiculous completely illogical and utterly human ability to love anything that others consider dangerous even if it tries to eat our lab equipment especially if it purs and C minor
