I used that phrase, if you're going through hell, don't stop [Music] keep going so we met online, me in Brazil, him in the United States, on a dating site at the end of 2016 , so I was already 44 years old, he was 10 years older that I had already come from a marriage from another relationship where I had my son and he had already come from another marriage too, I was on a Latinoamérica app and he called me I had already talked to some other people but a few conversations very empty, I was already
alone for a long time and I had defined for myself that I didn't want to be with someone, I wanted a story, yes, I had my story , not the way I wanted it, but ok, And he gave me Initially called a profile without a photo and in my description I said that I didn't want a profile without a photo so a profile without a photo he started sending me messages we started talking through the app he told me where he lived and everything I thought Ah, that's a lie right, but I'm going to give
it a go, I'm going to see how far this person goes from there, Ah, because I don't have a photo here because I don't know how to put a photo, I said, oh, oh, ok, okay, but then he sent me a photo by email and then I looked at it. that things were real, he had a name other than his, that's why I also started to doubt and he talked about another city, which is in California. But it's another city other than the one he actually lived in, and then he explained to me why Because
of his profession, he was very well known in a very small town, This is in fact true and he said I'm not going to expose myself on this site, so when we started talking via email then he started telling me the truth to me send me a photo and everything and he was already very attentive and he told me that he got separated that his two adult children decided to live with him, that's what I thought was cool and that his mother, who was over 80 years old, lived with him, I said wow, he he
must be an excellent person , right ? I already had his email Good morning, how are you? How are you? I was going through a very difficult time professionally. I was unemployed and I started selling fitness food and he knew about my condition and he asked how it went in the Interviews. when I was going to work, everything was very interested, always very attentive, always very receptive to the things I had to say that I had to say, so far, it's difficult, I can't get a job, I don't know what you understand, so this was
all awakening my attention was catching my attention Wow, how attentive, how affectionate, how careful, he was very careful, no, you're going to make it, you're going to find something, I'm sure I don't know what you know, so all of this was catching my attention, relationships on the internet, it happens, he There's a different team to the in-person relationship, you know, face to face, we exchange a lot of information all the time, there's a lot of messages, a lot of emails, this, that, that , so , we started talking in November 2016, in December, we already
talked. So, well, we've been talking for a long time now, which actually wasn't long enough, it was the amount of messages we had already exchanged, and after all, we were no longer teenagers or young people anymore , and we talked well , eh, what is happening to us we're in the we're having a commitment we're going to leave the app and hey how's that for me how's that for you and we decided to Leave the app and he told me hey it's very difficult the issue of holidays here in United States in this case, right,
but I think that in March I can go to Brazil and we can get to know each other, I said Oh cool, right, so let's go, right ? something like that but it was a Commitment like Look we're here talking and we're not going to open up to anyone else I'm not going to meet anyone else you're not going to meet anyone else closed closed and he said well in March so I'm going to try to plan to go to Brazil to get to know you, to get to know your family, etc., ok, ok, and
then we got to know you , because there was already a prospect of him coming in March, so we talked about dating, we're dating, we're in a long-distance relationship, eh, we started then Oh, if the we really have chemistry if we really like each other and what would be the next steps but the next steps we didn't mention much because we also didn't know what was going to happen, right we hoped so because the distance was all very positive everything was very excellent, we talked a lot via Video call, we exchanged a lot in between,
we were very much in love, which is the reality. At the time, I thought that, obviously, on his side, it was also the signals he gave, but after everything that happened I no longer know about this feeling of his I know about mine when he came he met my parents He met my son he met my son's father who I made sure he knew that I have a good relationship with my son's father my son's stepmother my friends and there are people in this group who are very critical at first contact and are generally a
bit resistant, you know, and they were like him straight away, they loved him so he was a very easy person to like and Before him , although we made plans that at the end of 2017 I would come here to meet his family . In this story, at that moment it caught my attention that he had no friends. I came to meet his family. My son and I, but I was in love. so I said well he doesn't have friends it's a choice it's OK and everything is fine and I closed my eyes to that
I closed my eyes quotes caught my attention but I went through it I let it go you understood things that I paid attention to only later in the moment No, I thought what if he's really good and I let it go and what if he's really good and I'm not wrong, I'm in love with the right person and you know we always put ourselves in that place of blame, right? So I said, no, I I'm going to give it a chance, I think the idea was this, I 'm going to give myself a chance, not
a Chance for him, no, I'm going to give myself a chance, I'm going to allow myself because no relationship is perfect, no person is perfect, you know, he's showing signs that he 's really in love, I'm in love, it's flowing like the beginning of a relationship has to be, there was this iato there, right from March when he went to Brazil until I came here, so I always phone and message and then how we had already met that we validated this passion, this oh, this Euphoria and everything else – we started talking about my son
and I coming here to meet his family, everything and I said, well, well , you , your mother lives with you, you have two adult children who live with you, right? I started to deal with these Issues and he said look, it's no problem because I'm already talking here with my family, I met someone because he waited to meet me in person to tell his family , ok, so he arrived and told his brother he had a very good relationship close with a brother, one, he has a brother and I think two sisters, I don't
remember , and this brother was very close to him, very close to him, so he told his sister-in-law, he told his children and he said, don't look, come calmly, I said, Look, why are they like that? two people who will arrive at the house where people already have their routine established, their dynamics established for many years and two strange foreign people will arrive at the house, it's a bit confusing , right? Being talked to, my mother hopes that I will get married, my mother is very worried That if I die, you will be alone with
me Oh, how cute, right, guys, hey , we are the man of our dreams, right, everything is so wonderful, right? And it's good, then me and my son We went and we were very well received, we went at the end of the year, we spent Christmas and New Year and a demand I made I said, I don't want to stay at your house, I want to stay in a hotel Ok because it doesn't make sense, right? I don't know, I thought it was too much to play, to impose myself on my family, I said no,
it's not the right time, what's too much, I said, there's too much of everything, I don't want to Ok, we closed the issue, I stayed at the hotel, my son and I then went to spend Christmas there Communication didn't flow much with his children because my English, to this day, is the English that I communicate with. I don't speak fluently. I Communicate. I 'm the one who opened my bank account. life in the company, but I don't have any influence , so I wasn't able to talk much with his children, but with his brother who
spoke Spanish and such and tried hard to understand me, everything went well, the mother, so we kind of talked, she already started that older person who doesn't have a tongue brake starts talking about the whole family, I managed to understand her Spanish after I returned to Brazil, which was in the first week of January, you know, I spent the New Year here in the first week of January we already started to plan his next trip to Brazil which was midway if I'm not mistaken he returned to Brazil in April it was Easter time I remember
that I even showed him what an Easter egg looked like Why not here There's this tradition of Easter eggs and so on, So it was Easter time and he stayed this time for two weeks, you know, because we were already dating, we were committed, etc. and so on, I don't know if it works like that for everyone, but when the We are having a relationship with a foreigner, we don't just have to think about marriage, we have to think before thinking about marriage, we have to think about what kind of visa we are going to
apply for in order to get married, so we started to deal with this one just before he returned to Brazil we were already starting to talk because as I had a tourist visa he said oh I don't know if suddenly you come as a tourist and then after three months we get married and because that's a way no not cool let's say like that and he himself said Look, there's this visa here which is the k1 visa which is the fiance visa, right and there's the Wife visa as well as the marriage visa so we
started to talk about it I joined Facebook groups about this visa so and we decided that we were going to enter with the k1 visa and when we decided that we were going to enter with the k1 visa he bought me a super simple little ring from Pandora And he asked me to marry my son , it's something really cute Look, Francisco, I really want to marry your mother and you don't know, that really cute thing, I said, Wow, that's so cute, right guys, I loved it, it wasn't for me, it was for my son,
oh , that's beautiful, that's right, in that same stay, in those same two weeks, We already started to prepare the forms of what would be our visa process so that I could get married and that's when it all started, we started filling out the forms, Filling it out like this just so he could take some of my information because the visa has to be applied From here in the United States, Americans have to submit from here, they cannot submit from Brazil, let's say, we read a few things together, right? I already explained what I knew
about the visa and he started filling it out during this stay when he was in Brazil and when he came here when he came back here he applied if I'm not mistaken in August because you have a lot of information for you to gather and everything, right, so you can submit this form so if I'm not mistaken he applied in August of us It's in 201, he applied after asking me to marry him, and that was it, the marriage proposal process, well, first of all, the process is extremely stressful, the visa process, at the time,
he was taking A long time to leave, there are several procedures, several phases This makes the couple very anxious , with us it was no different , we were very excited , right ? phone so we could use FaceTime so we could talk via video We always talked to each other, always always, every step was a victory, right, and the visa It took a long time to leave, we arrived in June 2019, here to give you an idea, we applied in August 2018 and ended with my arrival here in 2019 My father came with me
to my wedding, my father, before entering with a fiancé visa, slapped me and I said, I'm going to ask my parents for a tourist visa, so my father came With me for my wedding so when I got here I don't I don't know if it was because my father was with me I don't know it was everything everything was very wonderful everything was great his children Hi but in that contact a little distant because of the language but it's ok that that His brother was very generous to me, his brother took me aside and said,
look, I've never seen my brother so happy, I've never seen him so happy with life, so happy, his way of dealing with things, he smiled for nothing. and I don't know what and so thank you very much for that he thanked me his brother said so I want to tell you something Regardless of whether or not you stay with my brother you already have a purpose here and that stayed with me, you know, Regardless of what happens between you and my brother, if God sent you here, you have a purpose like this, absolutely nothing, right
? I said, how cute, how beautiful, right? Oh, how much I love him so much so that I invited him to celebrate our wedding because there is a court wedding that you do, which is the official wedding that the judge does , and there is a ceremony that you can call anyone to celebrate your wedding as long as that person has permission to celebrate your wedding and I said, look, I really want your brother to celebrate our wedding and then he was super excited that I had invited his brother, you know, he was like that,
guys, he was a man in my life, don't you? You understand, he was super excited, he said, I never expected this, I don't know, I said no, because I like him a lot, okay, Okay, he celebrated our wedding, his nephew's wife, his niece, who did my makeup, who did my hair, so I was very well received, um. another very small detail that is relevant to me today, when I arrived, his sister said : Ah, so you're Mônica, it's me who's Mônica Wow, what, what, what did you do, how did you do it, I said, did
you get it? What did you manage to win over my brother because he is so special? So I said to her, it must be because I'm special too , but that lit me up and said, you know, who are you, who conquered this God? Who are you, what do you feed on where you live? I said it guys, I said it. It must be because I'm also special, that's why I won him over and stayed and that's why Again that little sign, but it only passed, I arrived on the 19th, the 19th of June and
I got married on the 25th of June. detail for the court wedding detail that I think is important to this day I still don't quite understand it but I think there is some sign of something there at that moment I was wearing trousers, slippers to put your feet in, not toes like putting your feet in, a t-shirt whatever documents he went to the counter he said, I went to see the documents and we can get married now I said what Hi he is the judge is he available is
the judge Available I have all the documents here and we can get married now so I went by Hi, how when, how, it was a surprise, let's get married here, now my father signed as Test nail Hey, my son kind of translated what the judge said to me because he couldn't translate it for me, I had to have someone else to translate it couldn't be the spouse in the case and my son was translating things together with the judge and I was saying yes he was saying yes that thing we got married that simple day
we went to deliver it we went to the court to see Documentation and then we went take another trip and what happened we got married then the ceremony was going to be another day because there was a wedding for His nephew at the end of August we put our wedding like a week before it's a week before his nephew's wedding the ceremony So, yes, I had taken the souvenirs from Brazil and everything else, so how did it start, he had a little dog that stayed in the room with him, but when I arrived, the little
dog was put in another room, she was put outside nurse X and my souvenirs were small vases of succulents, little ones in the shape of a succulent, you know that cactus and I arrived, I spread them out, I put all the souvenirs like that, there were some 50 I think and I just covered it as it was soap , it smelled and in detail the dog had marked his entire carpet with pee, right, and there was a bad smell there, so I said, wow , I need to find a product To clean this here, right,
then he complained to me about smell of the soap from the souvenirs he said there's no way you can put another plastic over it because it smells like this here I said but wait a minute the smell of the dog's pee doesn't bother you , your nose must be addicted to that smell because mine bothers me And then it started one day we went to another well-known city here called Big Bell Lake which has a lake that has mountains and when it's winter in this city it snows and so on we went to take my
father there and when we came back he was silent the whole way and I'm trying to start a conversation and then we're going to play the game of I don't know that I don't know what and my father already kind of noticed, right? So, he's silent, he didn't speak for a while the whole way, so I already said, is there Something strange there? passed by, I said, I'll see that he's worried about something, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know about his relationship with my son, it was ok , it was very respectful
. It was at school, how was it today, how was it not, it was calm, calm, he never raised his voice to my son, he never said anything that contradicted my son because he raised his children like that without him Contradicting his children, so when I contradicted him My son thought it was absurd for me to do this to my son so it was very cordial let's say his relationship with my son was cordial it wasn't affectionate but it was cordial when my father left he told me like this we were already married and he
said like this I have an Agreement I would like you to sign and he gave me a bunch of sheets in English I said look I can even sign but I need a document in Portuguese he said oh okay well he put it on Google Translate I said look will you forgive me? but then I'm not going to sign a document as important as this one translated by Google Translate Hey, let's do the following, let's look for a lawyer who speaks Portuguese, right , so he can guide me on this, no, because you're doubting me,
I said, no, I'm not for a moment. doubting you, I'm just not going to sign such an important document without understanding it, oh, but it's translated, I said no translation via Google translator, help, help, but not to the point of signing a document, I said, I'm not going to sign, then everything Changed, the curtain fell, the mask fell , Cloth fell, everything fell, then Okay, I didn't sign and then everything changed, and what happened, he was never violent like that , physical violence towards me or my son, he didn't change his treatment, he simply ignored
me, he didn't talk with me Days, weeks, but it wasn't , eh, just not talking was looking and passing through me like that, I didn't exist, it was something that I stayed with, I stopped and thought, Am I hallucinating, I came to question myself again, that place where we he says, am I crazy, who is this person? I got to talking about it, is it the same person that I met because I was a Total stranger to me? Totally , hey, so he said that when he said it, you know, look, weekly, I'm going to
deposit some money in your account, I don't remember if it was weekly or monthly that we opened a joint account hey, and then it's because of the work you do, because of your time here spent at home, like cleaning the house, cooking, I said, but these things I already do, I used to do them in Brazil, right, ok, so I started thinking, I said, guys, I 'm being paid to clean the house, right? And when I realized that his mother started saying you have to clean like this , make a roast on such and such
day on day suite the bedroom and my bathroom my son's room the Bathroom that my son used that he renovated an office he turned into a room for my son a bathroom that my son used the kitchen when I got dirty and I realized that when I started doing this He started to reduce the amount he deposited in the account because obviously his mother came to him and said look, she's not cleaning the whole house so he reduced the money. One episode that really impacted me was when my son started classes, my son We needed
to buy a wardrobe to be transformed into a bedroom and a desk for my son to study, okay, we went to a store like that, I don't know what he bought with the money he deposited in my account and he didn't say he was going to use it money but then he said so you swipe the card and with that money I said Ok, fine And then he took it I said wow, it's going to be a family program , right ? He put the boxes there in my son's room and went out to ours.
Azar, the wardrobe was missing the back part, so I went to talk to him and said, I went with the manual like that, you know, simple, I said hi, the back part is missing here, he said. No, no, I said, yes, we're trying to put it together and the back is missing, the back can be turned around, I said what, what do you mean, it can be turned around without the back of the wardrobe, I said, no, it can't be put together because it He said, let's go, let's change him from a truck , right,
the truck, but his son was the one using it, let's go, I don't know what. He Went from the way home to the store silent with me and I felt bad about that situation, I kind of started to cry. So, you know, when you cry, the tears just fall out of desperation, you know , saying why did it have to come just because I'm missing this and I'm thinking this, right ? sweating sweating and we came back from the store mute he mute completely mute Then we picked up my son and I We set up
everything ok ok And this phase of ignoring continued even every week the brother and his wife went there to have coffee to talk nnn so I had to stay there too, right, I didn't feel politely hungry, right, staying there, he sat like that, facing his brother and I was here behind Him and he spent the whole time here, one fine day, I won't remember the reason for this argument, I won't remember, I don't know if It was because of the prenup, something like that I didn't want to sign, he took off the ring, so we
had a month to get married, he said, this isn't going to work, this isn't going to work, and I'm not going to apply because when you parentheses, I arrived with a visa. bride married fiancée visa is an entry into the country you have 90 days to get married you get married when you get married you are out of status you have to go through another status adjustment process an interesting detail the American is not obliged to apply for this status adjustment status Only you can only adjust your status if the American applies for you, look
how contradictory He turned to me, took off his Ring and said that won't work, I'm not going to apply for you to adjust your status and I'm going to buy a ticket for you and your son When they returned to Brazil I was in shock because I felt like that Amazon gave it to me I was defective and he will return it I swear if it was just me I didn't care OK it's ok except I had my son with me I went in in Panic I went into shock I said this is not happening
this is not happening to me how is this I take my son out of school He studied until February of that year he stayed in March April May June we arrived here the school year here only starts in August I said wait, my son has started studying now and suddenly we're going to go back, what are you doing with my son's head, look How irresponsible I am, I started to blame myself again, I'm very irresponsible for getting my son into this, that's it. It's absurd and not to mention that I came in good faith, I
came out of love for the right reason, which is to create a family out of love, and suddenly I found myself involved with a person who didn't care about that factor or care about my son. I didn't care, I said, no, this isn't happening, so there's a document that says in 94, it says until when, you know, you can stay in the country legally and mine was going to expire in September, so I said, look, one day I told him after that. You know, he said he wasn't going to apply it, I said, look, and
I let it go, he said that, I was in a desperate panic, I started sharing this situation in Facebook groups, I discovered that no, I wasn't alone, There were a lot of people going through the same situation, I made friends with many women who were in the same situation it was a chain and I said I'm going to manage this already in depression already in depression already getting out of bed for my son just and I took it and said no this will have to change so I let it go no I said more I
didn't charge more and when I was getting close to this 94 expired I said look Hey you know that next month my document expires right and I have to either adjust my status or have to leave and he knew He turned to me and said So we were lying down, right? He was lying down, I was facing him, he didn't even turn to the side to talk to me, he said, I don't know what you're talking about, I talked about that document that expires in September, he said, I don't know anything about that good thing
at this time. I was no longer sleeping Because I found out later because at the time I didn't know what it was I already had an anxiety attack but I didn't know what it was I still didn't associate it with my mouth It was very dry throughout the night I didn't sleep so I drank water all the time but it didn't help so I went to the bathroom all the time so I was in this Endless Cycle with a dry mouth, drink water Go to the bathroom with a dry mouth, drink water Go to the
bathroom, I didn't sleep for days and months and then one morning it's like nothing he treated me super affectionate super attentive super loving he said we're back It was all a hallucination in my head he came back he stayed for two three days sometimes just one day sometimes in the morning before he went to work he was great when he came back he was already It wasn't there anymore and then I started to get into that cycle of What is it, is it a movement that I do, Is it something that I say, what am
I doing, what do I have to do for him to treat me well? again, the problem is with me, right? The problem is not With him, it's my fault and I was already really sick in the head with this anxiety thing, I was already very depressed, something I never stopped doing, my cell phone rang, I got up, I woke up to wake my son up to accompany him to breakfast to go to school I would take him to the door, it kept me alive, it was the only thing I did with pleasure and then when
he had the desire or need to look for me intimately I said I can't because I'm too much I used the word upset I'm I'm very upset, I'm very upset, I'm in a really bad headspace, he Said, you don't love me anymore, you don't have any desire for me anymore, and he turned around and then I said, my God, what have I done tomorrow, he won't talk to me, my God, so what? I gave in and they were the worst moments of my life because I couldn't be there, exchanging caresses, kissing, having sexual intercourse, I
wasn't, no, I wasn't supposed to be there, I couldn't be there, I just thought I had to be because that would make him be nice to me and go back to being what he was before, in love with that wonderful man who listened to me and before I think I stopped saying something that when we were at a distance I said to him, look Eh, when I arrive with my son at your house, what will It be like ? with me, it's not clear this that that other he did exactly everything I had asked not
to do everything without even taking anything off I'm giving some main examples here of taking me to places with him I don't know what I spent the days of the week normally alone because he was working, when he arrived at the weekend, he got involved in the construction of a house for his son, who bought a house and didn't stay at home on the weekend, I stayed with my son and at the time I didn't have a car, I didn't even have the document to still driving , I would walk to Walmart, you know, the
distances here are very long on foot if you don't have a car, you don't have one, you don't have a leg, it took half an hour to go to the market and half an hour to walk back And then I started to I turned around I needed something I was talking to him So and so can you bring bread because you 're going to work at night can you bring bread for tomorrow silence and So and so can you bring bread tomorrow then when I asked the third or fourth or fifth time he said like
this I've already told you yes I said no you didn't say yes you treat me like a child you don't need to repeat myself I said But then answer so I know you heard because I don't know if you heard If you don't respond and then I started to turn away Depressed detail, okay, let's make it very clear that I was the Mechanic's Tow You know that mechanic who has a cloth that wipes his hands, when I looked in the mirror I saw myself like that, that Mechanic's cloth was actually a Tow and I started
talking No, I'm going To start ordering delivery here and he started observing this and I think that in a certain way it started to bother him today I have this notion, at the moment I didn't have it so for me it became like this Whoa, how come she It's becoming like she's not asking me for things anymore and that's what he applied for a process, that is, he just did some torture, nothing that serious, he just wanted to torture me, he applied it for status adjustment. The process took a while, we went through for an
interview together because there is an interview, there are people who have an interview, there are people who don't have one, we passed He went with a wedding ring because he didn't use it anymore, ok He went with a wedding ring, we talked about it like that, in fact it was already a cause for discussion, anything I said so an example just so I don't seem like that, oh she was the saint and he was the executioner, not one day did I say that , look, you saw that I received gym deals, they are 0 per
month, but you have to sign a contract because if you have to Signing a contract won't work, you use my son's equipment in the garage, I said but I don't, I don't have the discipline to train at home, I have to go to the gym, I can't train at home, oh, if I have to sign a contract, no because it was like, if you have to give a phone number to get a loyalty card, you couldn't, if you have to sign a contract, you couldn't, it seemed like the FBI was coming after him, right? I
was at my peak, right? I played and said, I know what you want, I said, do you want a maid who solves your house 's problems and waits on you in bed and that Person alone can't have a life because to go to the market I need to ask you for 1 million of times to go to the gym for 10 a month I need to ask for your permission I said that's what you want I was bursting too ok I'm not going to deny it then he started everything and any situation div no because
it's not going to work I'm not going to file for divorce no because I'm going to get divorced and he started talking so much about divorce so much about divorce that one day I said OK ask for div and he was like no he didn't say anything but he wasn't expecting it It was clear that he wasn't expecting That was my reaction Then my document arrived my document arrived So the 2-year greencard arrives first, which is the status adjustment thing, right? The 2-year greencard arrived, so we 're in February 2020, so I'm always at these
coffee tables with his brother saying Wow, why Can't I wait for the my document arrives because I need to work I need to work I need to work I need to work his sister-in-law once asked But why do you want to work so much I'll tell you because I've always worked I've always worked and I, despite also taking care of my house there in São Paulo, do everything It's normal, right, to clean up cooking, I've always worked, even when I wasn't working in a company, I found a way to sell food , etc., that's fine.
Why did she ask that, right? And why was there that situation with the sister back then? say that he is so special because he helps the whole family financially he gives money to everyone so he is either very good or wonderful or special he is perfect in the eyes of his family and in society he is also very sweet he is like that at work He's A very dear person, well he won over my family, he won over everyone he met like that on my side in Brazil, which was said back then, so I said
Very well, ask for a divorce, the document arrived in February 2020 at the end of February 2020 I I got a job, a job at night, I didn't even know what it was like to work at night, they do a kind of hiring event here, then the person says everything, it was through an agency, through an employment agency, first I went to a lot of agencies, I did a lots of forms and everything, when my document arrived, it seemed like I had conquered the world, right? I was very happy, so I made a lot of
forms, so I I saw I had a job site, I don't know what I went to, I said, I'm interested She said the hiring event is tomorrow I went without Knowing where it was, I took the bus on the bus app there because here there is a bus that goes, a bus that comes back, there is no one these options you have in São Paulo I'm from São Paulo so Oh, if you can't get to a place, you take a bus Get off, get another one here, that doesn't exist , I went, I didn't understand
anything the woman said, I understood something there, take it there in space I said, but it's ok, so the schedule is tomorrow at like 8 pm, you're going to work until 5, no, I don't remember, it was at night, I went by bus, so I stayed at the company waiting for the time for the first bus to start passing in the morning so I could leave. Sleep pie, right, because I had never worked at night, but I said, this was the job that left, this was the job that I'm going to get very well a
week later and details like that they didn't give gloves, they didn't give Protective equipment at all, a week later the message comes by SMS speaking, look, you don't need to show up on that day, it was the day of my next job, my next schedule, for performance reasons, I said, so the problem is me, I'm really rubbish and on that day I just didn't finish it all because of my son, because I wanted to end everything, I said the problem is me , he's like this because of me, the company doesn't want me, I'm not
good enough to work, I'm rubbish, it ended with me , so I sank even deeper into depression, I became I was really bad, I was really bad , that day had a profound impact on my life, but then I didn't do anything Crazy, I continued with the idea that I was rubbish, and we're already at the beginning of the first fortnight of March, I had applied to Amazon and things were already starting to close because of the pandemic, so Amazon scheduled a hiring event and canceled it because today we're going to close because of covid,
so on and so on, so it was scheduled for another day, it was canceled again, so it was scheduled for the third time, so I went the security person said we didn't tell you but there won't be a hiring event today I said oh my god what's going on I need to work well at the end we arrived at the end of March there was a hiring event I was hired and I'm there until today 4 and a half years, right in March 4 and a little years next year I will be 5 years old,
thank God And then when I started Working I started to rise internally and there they gave protective equipment, they give it to this day, right and the work is I threw the box on the line like no one else, you know, in the force of hate, box, man, man, I picked up the boxes, man, in the line , then everyone, wow, you're a very hard worker, oh, that's cool, you just don't know why, right, force of hatred and I played Caixa on the line and played, okay, so I started, then one day I came to
him and said, look, the question is Ass, I love you, I told him, but this situation in your house with your son, with was a son, but it was oo perrin o another worked with your mother and all that and with you you don't impose yourself I have no voice in this house you don't defend me before your mother before your son you are neutral so divorced or not divorced at that moment I was recovering detail at that moment I was already in Therapy I said I want to move if it's going to be with
you if I'm going to be married if I'm going to be divorced I don't care I'm going to move that's ok No I don't know what I said Yes the decision has been made So I think it's cool that you start to see something because if you want to stay with me we'll try again, but not here, I don't look any better then he started seeing apartments Ah, but one always couldn't, the other always had problems. the other one was wrong I always said just a minute here I'll look for it myself in a week
I talked to a woman who rented rooms and she had two rooms in her house for rent I explained my situation my son stayed in one room I stayed in the other he changed because I love you because and Before, when I was about to leave because I Communicated, right, I said, look, the day of my move, it's so much, I found the room in this situation, that, that, that, on the day of the move, he cried for half an hour without breaks, half an hour, he was Going to work he cried for half an
hour on the clock crying sobbing I've never seen him in my life I said no the decision has been made I've already closed with his wife and we're going to move and the day arrived he said so then I thought you were going leaving without telling me I said no I didn't commit any crime I simply wasn't raised that way I'm going to let you know Look I'm leaving today is my last day here in this house I said I'm not going to leave here nor a criminal I'm not going to run away well I
left I went home and he continued no because we're going to rescue this marriage because I don't know what because I love you and we're going to have dinner, we're going to have a good dinner, we started , we went out to dinner again and the first Time he picked me up at his wife's house, I I went with an engagement ring and a wedding ring He looked and said you don't know how much it means to me to see you with that ring and that wedding ring because it shows that I was wrong I
didn't recognize it I don't know why I acted that way towards you I know all the harm I caused you, even in terms of sex, I don't know what I said. People came back, the person came back and rented an apartment. We went to live in this apartment, my son and I, but he didn't leave his house. He said, I'll come to you. make an offer, I'm not going to leave my house, I'm going to rent the apartment in my name, in our name, you know, it's in my Ino, his and on your day off
I'll go there and stay with you and so on, but I 'll stay in my house because My mother needs me, I initially didn't agree, but I worked on it in my therapy, my therapist said Mônica You won in the Mega Cena because then you won't have it, you 'll only meet him when you miss him, I don't know what, I said that, look no. It's a good thing, I accepted and at first everything was wonderful, I traveled to Brazil, I spent the end of the year in Brazil and that's good because the following year
my brother died, so we spent a year, a wonderful end of the year, me, my son and my he didn't go to his family and he still said to me I want to close this apartment before you travel to Brazil because I simply want you to travel with a good mind because I know how your head is, I don't know what I said guys Thank God he came back, he's the man I married We arrived in 2021 in the middle of the year we started I had the car his brother was trying to sell a
car he couldn't his brother said so Monica I'm going To pass this car on to you and gave me this car and it was left in my half for me in my name and in my ex-husband's name, a very old car that actually caused a lot of problems but it served me a lot, it served me a lot so I took it and said so Hey, we need to change this car, I don't know what it is, we're not going to see the car, I don't know, I don't know, I'm going to do the following,
I'll help you, I'll pay the down payment and you pay the financing, okay, okay, and one detail called me Pay attention, we saw a car, I was enchanted with the car, if I can afford it, that's cool, I don't know what, then it didn't work out, then I saw another car, it didn't work out, another detail. We got to see houses, houses, and exhibitions, he said, oh, we you need to think about buying it because then it won't even be for us because the one who will Enjoy it will be your son, my [Music] children
and this sandcastle, right? Then I started to see the whole car, it was a problem, it was a reason why it was almost enough to close something happened that I said, but what's happening, right? And I'm glad it didn't work Ah, then one day he came home and I was watching it, I'll never forget it. I was watching an anime with my son from a series that I've always had this very close bond with my son and he started to arrive and not interact anymore, he had enough because he took a shower at his house,
he arrived, he went to his room and was on YouTube watching videos of any kind, so I was already used to it. I was talking to that maraz but it's not affecting me and I wasn't that much in love anymore and it's ok, let's Take it, okay, so I said, oh, I'm watching here with Francisco, so the break wasn't going to pay attention to him there in the room like that then I got there to sleep to lie down to sleep, right, stay there for a little bit in bed like that until I fell asleep
then it was like midnight something he said Look, there's a form for a car that we have to fill out now I said That's what it is my dear I said you arrived at 7 o'clock at night I was there in the room are you coming to talk about the forms now why haven't you arrived Hi how are you? There's a form let's sign here I took a break and we signed the form to fill in with information with data with signature I don't know what now at 11:30 at night the time I went to
bed I said you will forgive me knowing one thing you are healthy My love he said like this Ah that's right he turned sideways and I clearly saw the image of that man who ignored me and my mouth started to get dry again I said I'm not going to go through that again because that was the 19th or 20th December 19th December 2021 this man left the next day and He never came back, he never showed any signs of life again, so I called him and said, Look, we need to talk, we need to define
our situation, I don't know, I don't know, I was on a video call with him, he would answer me without the camera on. Then one day I said, we need to define our situation, do you want It ? the divorce because you that's it because you but he attributed so much blame to me that I said People in heaven the blame of the world fell on me at that moment he attributed all the blame in the world to me is it a divorce that you want you will have a good divorce then he served me
with the divorce documents in 2022 at his house in the past, in the face of all these crises, I found a lawyer from my state of California and a divorce lawyer has to be from your own Brazilian state who speaks for Portuguese and who is a lawyer here in California I swear I've tried every way to remember how I found this woman this blessing in my life I can't I can't go back and find the first contact I made with her I Just know I called her on WhatsApp and told her what was happening, it
was at that moment that I was there that I lost a lot of weight, I reached a weight that I couldn't even reach when I was 18 years old and I managed to talk to her, she welcomed me, she instructed me and she was my lawyer in the divorce and he never knew about her existence he only found out about her existence when he filed for divorce and then she represented me and I think that was the worst of his nightmares because like me I got everything That's how, first of all, how did I manage
to work alone, find work on my own, how did I manage without the language, get involved in a company , and hey, I always talked about medical care to him, when we had A long-distance relationship, I said, Look, my son, since he was born, since that I was pregnant he was never without medical assistance I want to have health insurance when I get there is that clear to you I don't know No it's ok I don't know when we got there we were left without health insurance without medical assistance without any assistance and He said
it clearly, it's very expensive, I won't be able to place you and your son in medical assistance. He told me that, all of this made me desperate, it was an accumulation and I was in a company with medical assistance for me, with medical assistance for my son, my son. I was already working at that time in a cafeteria, thank God, so he, like she has a lawyer, I think it was a huge shock for him, well, we had some problems in the divorce, a few things, it took a while, it came out at the end
of 2023, I had already applied for my second Green Card of 10 years which is when you remove the conditions of marriage he sends a letter to immigration taking his name then I received a letter from immigration saying that I had to apply as a divorcee my divorce hadn't come out yet and I filed With the guidance of my lawyer, I gathered all the evidence of the marriage in good faith and I was able to apply and return the immigration request, they released my greencard, so we had to, in addition to the documentation, write a
letter telling all this that I am Telling you now and at this point in the letter It was a very painful moment for me, I only managed to get out of it because I had the courage to also tell him once, I recognize you as toxic, abusive, manipulative and there are people here in this country and people in Brazil that I have already spoken to About you so if anything happens to me or my son people will know who you are I took a risk I spoke because I spoke the only weapon I have him
knowing that I know that was before That was before we tried the second one again time in the other apartment, ISO, I was at his house, still at his family's house , so I had this courage and despite my condition, I think I was very courageous and if there is a message that I can pass on with all this that I have experienced It's about financial independence and when I talk about financial independence I don't talk about Look, I have money to live like this in luxury, it's not the minimum for you not to Stay
in a relationship This is because things happened to me that I only became aware of a long time after leaving the relationship, so I ask myself and if I hadn't gone to work on the divorce, I had to leave the rented apartment because he insisted on removing his name of the contract and it was a Senior condominium here, there are a lot of people over 55, but so a person who signs the contract has to be that age, the others can be younger and he went to take his name off the contract, my son had
recently operated on of an ankle he broke, it was the end of the year, the end of last year, he said no, I want to take it off, I said, listen, let me tell you something, can't you wait, I'm going to move and then you come and ask to sign when I I don't want to find an apartment now I said okay we can move We can find a better apartment than the other I the contract is purely and simply in my name and my son's name my son works we share it isn't that my
son helps We don't share the expenses, we pay splits this rent We help my parents in Brazil so I left thanks to my work thanks to my son working too Obviously but my financial independence I left I didn't succumb to my mother's madness his crazy things and the purpose he brought me here that he wanted to marry me I don't know if it's M a maid or a woman in bed I don't know and a lot of things I see in these groups that I stay in these fiancé visa groups be careful There are many
cases where the person V or any other country, but I'm talking here specifically because of the type of visa the person gets and the other party, whether it's a man or a woman, says I'm not going to apply for your status adjustment this week anyway, I I've seen about three cases that I'm aware of, so don't get rid of everything in Brazil because a lot of people are emotionally forgotten and already have the stress of the visa process and they think that when they leave and they get married here in this country, that's it. Everything
is resolved, isn't it? It's just the beginning, you'll have to adjust your status up front and the adjustment of status depends on your spouse. If you don't adjust this status, you'll be illegal here. You can stay here illegal. Ok, everyone knows their own. It's the best way, isn't it, then you're left without status in a country that isn't yours, you don't have A family, often you don't have the language, you won't be able to get a regular job within a company because you need to be documented for that, so be careful if I could if
I could leave a message, don't disguise yourself as all your things in Brazil, leave the door open at work, your contacts because if something happens you can come back today, my son and I are in an apartment that we rented. The contract is only in our name and we pay with my car, which is in my name, which was not purchased at that time when he wanted to buy a car, I bought it later because there was nothing . first thing I saw, I managed to buy it and it worked out Well, my son has
his car , and I've been with the same company For 4 years, almost 5 years, Hey, my son is going to college, he graduated from High School, he's going to college , working, I'm happy to of being a survivor of having fought for my financial independence of not having left this this evil this this depression she not being able to do it because I remember that I did things very slowly, I had a lot of difficulty, it seemed like I was in a desert, dragging myself but I was going, I went to find a lawyer
alone, I went to find a job alone, I'm fine with myself today, of course, remembering All of this still causes me a lot of suffering, even because of the late conception that I had of some events that happened, you know, you'll only become aware of it later, so the thing becomes very Recent , but I'm very happy with having survived, I'm very happy with being able to pass. this message for other women, which is what I want to pass this message on because Remembering what his brother told me in the past, maybe that's the purpose,
right? I don't know, but today I feel very good about myself. I forgave myself for having assigned myself faults that weren't mine I forgave myself for doing things I wasn't capable of doing but it's still a process it's still a process the wound hasn't closed yet but it will close I used that phrase if you're going through hell don't stop keep going
