Matt Rife is for the Table | History Hyenas

Babes listen to me go to Christy comedy.com December 14th and 15th I'm in Phoenix Arizona at standup live one of the best clubs in the countryes tickets are almost sold out so please get the tickets right now and then December 28th to the 31st I am at the daa Beach Improv I will be there celebrating New Year's Eve I get there December 28th all those shows selling well so go to Christy comedy.com get the Ticky wikies and then February 14th and 15th I am at cobs comedy club in San Francisco bring your Valentine date Guy

dog whatever you want I'll everyone on the front row on the lips so if you get those front row tickets you are getting kissed on the lips Christy comedy.com for Ticky wikies guys come see me on the road I am in Milwaukee December 6th and 7th I am in Bridgeport Connecticut December 13th and the 14th I am in Austin Texas December 20th through the 22nd then I'll Be in Rochester January 16th and 17th 18th um Washington DC January 24th fifth Tempe Arizona um February Chicago February Philadelphia February um and Springfield Missouri March and San Diego

in March and Cleveland Ohio in April um so get your tickets at giannisis comedy.com also history highas go to our patreon patreon.com hyenas [Music] What's up everybody welcome to another episode of History hyenas we got Chris Stephano AKA Chrissy claps with uh Yanni Sundowns Yanni pois and then we have resident hottie first time we've had a guest on History hyenas this is the kind of guy that we've said that when you're masturbating I he pops it to my head I don't push him out right away yeah I do push him out eventually but we just

let him in for a few seconds and he's got a rocking heart body rhb and he's got Blonde hair and I don't know if I'm looking at just a hottie right now or a woman from the future but I love him it's Matt R everybody Matt r do I go headphones on you can go you can go either or you can do whatever you want white men are back I'm going to now yeah oh we're back you saw the election two weeks ago so day around you can do whatever you want um so it was

big that you voted for Trump uh I I don't vote just kidding J we just want we have a Live camera on your PR person just because of how off the rail this episode's going to go am I the first guest for this first guest firstr responsible on a lot of pressure okay but you know what dude we want it because you know we love you so we said why not have Maddie on um because we normally we talk about history we talk about all types of crazy stuff but we figured we could just come

in and kind of have an easy 45 minutes with you Because we'll just look at you and start the timer yes perfect that's what it is the whole episode will be by the way let me tell you something a lot of people okay don't know you for as long as we've known you you've known him I've just the first time I Mee him we've never met in person yeah I dm'd him once and we had a nice little exchange but I've never actually met him in person wow you never met we're different Generations I mean

I'm 69 years old yeah I'm an old kid Yeah oh yeah no I could be his young dad oh yeah yeah and if you were Puerto Rican you could be his dad how old are you actually 48 my mom's 49 wow that's crazy singest could be your mom dude I could put I could put the wig on and be his other mom yeah like now Matt you're tired you only have an hour of sleep what were you doing last night thanks for squeezing Us in cuz you're doing aw Drew Barrymore after this yeah we're the

Drew Barrymore podcast that's What they say that's what they tell us I can't wait to watch Drew Barrymore fall on the floor today on the she's going to take her socks and shoes off on the couch yeah I'm uh I just I wanted to I wanted to stop in I've been owing you a podcast episode for a long time so I just couldn't sleep last night I'm I'm just a bad sleeper I'm terrible at it why what what just anything from slightly physically uncomfortable can't sleep and brain just never turns off and You don't take

anything right now you don't take anything I'll take a ton of meds a ton and they don't work yeah really just sleep through I mean what could we what have you tried oregano pills oregano pills yes Chris's friend I got a friend Paulie Gass he shout out paau gassi he says the cure for everything's oregano pills during the pandemic he was saying you don't need the vaccine just take these oregano pills and he would train me while we Were boxing he's a boxing instructor he would train me while he was eating talene Alfredo that his

mother made who he lived with but oregano pills Len for Italian Jack and he's the most ripped guy you've ever SE he's like ripped like you and he just works out he does push-up sit-ups and pills give it a try I mean if everything else isn't working just try it push-up situps and oregano pills I'm not going to do a prison Pharmacy dude make any sense of I'm Telling you dude no that fixes his sleep listen placebo effect is huge I do believe so if you believe in that I mean you ever notice when they

do these trials like and they give the placebo pill to like the placebo group like 80% of them get better so if you just believe in the oregano pills hopes and prayers it may work yeah it's something to it I've decided to believe in God just be for the I'm just going I believe it and I'm Happier yeah it it does it it reality perception is reality and reality is a suggestion as we stay here so you make your reality Jim Cary dude I wish dude that's no I've been hang out with yanis now here's

the thing here's I love that he got all Loosey Goosey after he made his 80 mil he's like you know it's not worth it everything yeah I'd love to see if he had a 100,000 in the bank if he was like you know what this is all [ __ ] if he was driving a Subaru Being like that isn't real it's not real I'm not real nothing's real let's meditate together so what's very pleasurable what's very um good for you Matt is because you could have been born in any era you could have been born

in any any era and we're happy that you were born during this time because we talk a lot about hisory No we talk a lot about history because if you were born unfortunately if you were born say in Alexander the Great's time you would Have the same level of the talent that you have and the looks that you have what Alexander the Great would have done is he would have taken you what Alexander the Great liked to do and people at that time like to do is like you like take very handsome boys very talented

boys like you and I like to cut their nuts off and make them Unix and what you would do is you would be this nutless beautiful boy who would be in charge of Alexander the Great's herum of Like basically his women that he would have and that would be so it's very beautiful that you're born now so you can just be talented and free cuz if in history you'd have your nuts clipped and you'd be running a herum so he cut your nuts off and then makes you in charge of the hot women he gets

to have sex with right the the theory occasionally he would have sex with you as I mean that's the he what did he look like Alexander the supposedly he's a handsome kid he Was a cute kidos a cute kid we have do we have monitors can we pull we don't have any well I mean there's no real I mean we only know from plutar what he looked like and supposedly he had nice hair he had like locks and he was a built kid and he was a built kid and he kind of just did whatever

what Unix would do back then is because their thought was if we cut your nuts off then your desire for sex goes away and he and so we could say and then here's the Thing and listen it's not all the way wrong if you just kind of put yourself there they would say we can trust you now to watch the women you're not going to want to have sex with them you're not going to want to take my Throne because you're not motivated and then also just a little plus you don't have nuts you Technic

not a guy but you are beautiful so I can bang you when it's not gay yeah part of it was to just keep the masculine traits from forming to keep You sort of a a pseudo woman yeah yeah like a pseudo so Progressive this is what it is it was actually Progressive when you think about it even why do you guys know this yeah because we're history cu but when did you read this specific article oh Unix are big in history the human brain is wild and what people do with power they Unix was on

the table so Unix were for the table women you know when you go to a p explain to him what for the table means And why Matt R is for the table yeah Matt R is for the table and Kyle Kyle the clip Cowboy over here he is a unic totally yeah he is a unic he is a unic but him and I have spoken about that he's a southern unic you got his clip he got his nuts clipped he's from the Deep South he got his nuts clipped cuz his dad thought he was a

[ __ ] W hog yeah yeah yeah they they call him run he was running around the woods and they clipped his nuts and now he just now he Just does the video stuff cuz he's [ __ ] got you know but he's a beautiful man and I have had sex with him yeah so Unix were in every civilization they just uh yeah they created but tell them what for the table is for the table means a little a little bit for everybody for the guys the girls yeah you got you got your pizza menu

you know on the one side you got your pizzas on the other side you got your dishes you know so the pizzas were really like The women you marry the pizza but then the other side you got you got for the table okay that's for everybody for everybody for the gays for the Straits for the just you're for the table for every for the table me you know like when you order something you order an appetizer and you say this is for the table this everyone take a little get little so you're for the you

in an times you would be the definition of a guy you're for the table Alexander the Great Would say I love this kid he's for the table love him yeah well he's got to be is for the table because he's going to make myself and my soldiers happy so we're going to want to we're going to we're going he's going to make us laugh before battle and then we're going to want then we're going to take I have sex with him is this uh is this merch have you made this merch no no but he's

[ __ ] screwed in he's screwed in he's a k I would wear this shirt for t for The table table for the table okay that's where we're going to make merch 10% off the top fine create a purposes yeah whatever yeah sure we'll give you whatever you want you don't need to I I want to get back to this unic situation was it like um was it was it purely for control and power or was there like a spiritual purpose to it as well like they did their I I think it depends on who

was Banging the unic I think Alexander the Great was the type of guy who loved his unic was it purely sexual the unic situation like the whole job title of unic is it purely sexual they served multifunctions but a big part of it was was no but the big but the second biggest part was to they would trust they they believe back then which again they're not wrong that they believe that men could not be trusted because of their desire for lust and sex but the Only way you could trust a man is if you

clipped his nuts off and you can obviously never trust a woman a lot of they thought that of course do that smaller brains too yeah but um yeah a lot of that's just a fact that's just a fact they got WNBA size balls the smaller hands their brains are 28.5 oun that's what it is ours are rs are bigger yeah to same size a WNBA ball here's the thing fun a lot of Unix did rise to prominent positions to be like advisers To the Emperors and stuff like that in eastern cultures especially way Jang Jing

was uh he's a famous unic on our podcast he was like a top advisor to one of the a the Chinese Emperors when any time we say something out of the box crazy we have a sound effect that goes Wayan xen and why we started saying that was years ago we found came up with this famous we found this famous unic from China and his name is way Shan shien and um so we just use It as a sound effect it doesn't make any sense it does that's why we do it uh we have the

soundboard we don't have this is not our normal Studio this is Bay rid Brook but we wer going to ask you yeah we figured your PR team was not going to respectfully pass put that in yeah um so but so you know I what's your favorite part of History oh man I don't know if I have one specific spot are you from you're from Ohio right I am I told you chat gbt was correct see Cuz we weren't sure gbt told you I'm from Ohio we are the chat GPT slots we used to be the

Wikipedia slots now we're the chat GPT slot used it chat GPT just type stuff it that's all it is yeah Chris didn't believe you were from there I didn't believe you were from Ohio I because I didn't know I did not you did say Beijing and I said that's I said Beijing I didn't know because I said because you've gotten yourself I said cuz what I was saying before and again We're just you've gotten so huge and and specifically on Tik Tok I said if you get that big and you're controlling that many Minds China

may have gotten to you and if they got to you I would I would not be I would be like hey I would be in the same position but then I said you can't trust anything chat BT is saying because at this Point cha PT which is also owned by the Chinese we were thinking they could be telling us anything and I don't know what to Believe also Chinese you're I mean what isn't Chinese these days yeah it's all Chinese right cash offers okay who would you who would you rather join uh China or the

Illuminati China or The Illuminati's see who's got better amenities I would say China cuz I want to get I want to get my feet bound yeah I want somebody to tie up my feet I think uh uh yeah it's funny to just look over I've been glancing over a little Bit at your PR lady and she just has her head down yeah so it's what it is so this episode will probably be all heard at patreon.com hyenas because we're going to get a season assist from Matt right could go much CH this is great yeah

I'm going Chinese Chinese I'm going Chinese I I for the Future No for the future right yeah they're taking over I want to be on a winning team it's like asking an athlete if he wants to go to a Contender I'm going a contender I want to win a championship it also would be nice to be on the right side of a virus for once that would be nice that would be nice to send it out not receive itend we're not reing be nice that' be nice be good it' be good to be a top

in that situation yeah yeah what about you would you go Illuminati or Chinese first of all are they going to let you out of the Illuminati I would love to be if anybody if anybody's Offering if anybody's listening to this right now I would love to you know I posted this is how insane people are I posted a photo from a photo shoot with just like my hand on my face like and the entire internet was like oh that's the official sign of join the Illuminati he's in everybody knows that's the sign he joined the

Illuminati he's in it for sure Diddy's been inside of him he's been inside of Diddy all of it just because I accidentally put my Hand on my face for a photo I know it's so funny when the stuff was happening one of my boy like I have a big group chat with all my boys one of my boys was like yo ask Matt R how the parties are I was like I don't I was like I don't I genu I was like I can almost confirmed that he's never been to a diddy party I it's

awfully upsetting I've never been invited they sound like a really good time yeah I was like I what I thought too I was like I would have loved to Been invited cuz people are like oh would you go to a diddy party knowing everything it's like yeah hello what yeah why why you just leave at a certain hour you just got to know when to leave you got to know when to leave actually we went as actually just posted this we went as a diddy party for Halloween in in Liverpool and let me tell you

everybody got it there oh look that perfect jackon McQueen went as P Diddy in this gigantic white coat we we Carried around was like eight tubs of baby oil the entire night that's amazing anyone did anyone paint blood on their [ __ ] it's so funny you say that did I not Pitch that and nobody else was on board they like that that be come on our show more we have fun in here I love it that would that would be the the I that being said I think I would go I would go Illuminati

just for I think that has more benefits yeah I mean if you want to go to like games if you want to attend Concerts they're like the Live Nation I probably shouldn't say that I work with Live Nation but I mean they they know they know they're they're eating baby heads right now they know yeah you definitely get the entertainment perks are probably better the entertainment you're going to have more fun the parties have got to be better but what happens when China buys the Illuminati that's when I'm going to be in a position of

uh um of privilege the Iruminati the iruminati that's a pet that's good keep it in clip it canell yeah I mean d you're too big to get canceled now that's that's what's good part that's what's good about all our it's not a big deal look when they speak in a second language they do struggle with the l oh of course yeah they struggle with the L it's a good point it's certain langu name was Matt life before I joined Tik Tok there you go yeah which is a good name yeah Matt life When he when

he tours in Asia he'll be like welcome to the state my life pass giant this is his a stadium my life my life stadium have you guys performed in Asia no I don't I T typically don't go behind any he can't even eat he can't even eat in front of them yeah I'm just Kidd yeah no I I do I have never I I I don't perform uh in Asia but I've I've seen Ronnie Changs stand up it's that's enough yeah it's enough have you have you performed in any non-english Speaking first countries um yeah

I've performed in the Bronx um and uh uh yeah I don't know I do a little character called Maurice I've done a few English is a second show my God what's Norway we did Norway you've been you've been to a lot you been around y's been around where was the hardest like language barrier well Scandinavian countries they all speak great Engish you you've probably been there yeah so it's like I think M's got a Scandinavian look SC kid You look a Scandinavian kid a Danish Viking kid yeah I would love to be part of Viking

you do you look like it what is your ethnic background um Italian and German so you're like an American mut kind of thing German he's German he's fun of us those shows were very fun Have You Done Germany yet no oh well we've been to Germany but we didn't do standup there oh dude it's awesome what was great about it they know they [ __ ] up that's kind of the best part so you can Kind of go in on whatever they want like yeah we know we were actually pitching the idea because we said

you know if dinosaurs are going to come back and Giannis has confirmed that you can clone people there's people that can be cloned no we were saying they cloned Hitler have Hitler come back make him the same kind of guy vengeful on a war path but you make him a Super Jew and he kills Germans right you just because he kind of looked it he had the look you just Kind of raise him in Israel and just take all that hate and turn it on the Germans on the Germans he says the Germans are stealing

the jobs he gets to he starts killing the Germans and then you have an even Ste is what we call but here's the thing like Matt saying Germany is like the safest place for Jews now they're like they know they [ __ ] up well maybe I'm wrong no no we were there did you meet some Nazis when you were there I asked I did like 15 Minutes on World War II jokes and at the end of I was like is anybody Jewish here nothing nothing yeah not one Jewish person was at either one of

our shows If I Was Jewish I I I wouldn't move that yeah even though they'd be like no but things are different now please I would still say yeah but I don't know if I want trust us you can trust us we have yeah took down out the statues everything's fine it's a museum now it's not even the oven anymore it's a museum Wait I'm I'm I'm I'm hanging on one thing you said only because we're going to talk about history and conspiracy a little bit oh yes we are you mentioned dinosaurs are you guys

up on the dinosaur conspiracies uh tell us oh okay well we do we confirmed last week that fossil fuels was made up by John de Rockefeller who's from your home state is he we fir John de rockefeller's from Ohio we did confirm that fossil fuels are not real that that's government Conspiracy John D Rockefeller made that up oil is not made from dinosaur bones that it's just an oil conspiracy you've been hanging out with Tim Dylan for way too much oh yeah yeah yeah well it's actually true that oil is mostly uh like Sea algae

and like sea life that's why they find most of it in the water right there's very little like onland organic matter listen I'm fully on board with this cuz the next day after I heard this I was in Washington DC and I love going To all the museums especially the dinosaur ones I want to see the cool [ __ ] I'd Hur first and foremost very cool fun fact um dinosaur bones weren't discovered until years after George Washington died so he never even knew they were a thing fun fact um the theory is that have

you heard the theory that dinosaurs never existed no that I've heard that from a few my Christian friends yeah perfect I've heard that in a few elections I've heard that yes yeah There's a few people who do believe that yeah the theory kind of backs it up they said when you go to a museum there's never actually any dinosaur bones there think about any exhibit you've ever seen it's always like cast moldings of them like construction within the lob constructed within the lobbies and everything there's never actually any bones there so sure enough I was

like well there's a it's Museum of Natural History in DC let me go check it out It's all cast moldings the only fossils that are ever actually there are the ones that are like embedded in fully rocks like plants the little uh Little crustation Things little spinny look looking things there's never any actual dinosaur bones there didn't see didn't see one the whole time I was there you're basically making a case for Christ you are I tried to I got baptized in August you did got baptized in August Catholic yeah uh just Christian just Christian

Christian you got to keep got fully baptized water on your head and everything yeah in a dude's pool wow wow that's the way to do it yeah y was it official or was it like a drunk thing where you like baptized dog it on is it was in a tupperware container yeah wait a second what convinced that's fascinating to me what convinced you to get baptized the book the Case for Christ you know not to get super sad but Like when when my I've never been a super religious person but when my grandpa passed away

something hit me that I was like I'll never not see this person again so something has to exist sure and I guess I I skew Christians so I started to go to church a little bit more I hate church I find it excruciatingly boring I mean they need new material the thing is the guy's doing the same act it's like I've heard this act you can't go on the road with The same act you got to write a new hour yeah we know that that's what it is you're like God write a little bit [

__ ] like Listen to Jerry Seinfeld they're using chat gbt to write their sermons yeah it's it's getting lazier it's getting Lazi but I want I want to believe in God and it's obviously a huge part of the process in you he does oh I know so he believes in you yeah sweet say thing Hees and it's yeah he believes in you I wanted to believe in it I Wanted to I knew that's a big part of like converting to to Christianity and like establishing from ISL Church yeah yes you switch we're happy to have

you cuz the Crusades coming and we're going to need your PR [ __ ] platform cuz we got to take Chrissy's old house in Staten Island back taking on my old house cuz mu bought it yeah yeah what happened to your house I sold it I sold it cuz I couldn't walk to a bagel store and then the caliphate Bought it yeah and then and then some uh yeah some people bought it and my neighborhood got a little mad at me um and my and so but I moved to Queens but I am I am

trying to move back to Staten Island just because the way the world's going I'd like to be over a bridge I'd like I'd like for the be there's I just I'm just going to say it I'd like to be in a place to they no nobody's really protesting nobody's nobody's taking that protest over are there a ton of protests In Manhattan uh New York City I mean yeah it's a lot it's a little I'm done sitting in traffic I'd like to just go I'd like to just go you know I'd like he's on the ice

right now he's skating around what he want to say Scott Hamilton you skate what he wants to say I'm curious well all answer for him he wants to be in a republican neighborhood that's what it is I got to that level where I just you know I got kids and I'm just I don't he says I'm 40 I'm white I Deserve it yeah it's what it is I respect to love all people I just to I just don't need my [ __ ] three-year-old getting [ __ ] story read to them by transgender not that

there's anything wrong with that there's anything wrong with that I didn't transgender person to my family I just I just don't it's just got we've gotten to the point where I just you know having kids I just like to go back in time a little bit and just kind of Keep them in a place where it's like you know there's boys and there's girls and there's Jesus and that's what and those are the three people you need to know and that's what it is and we just and then when you get older you make the

decision I'm not going to keep it from nothing you make the decision but just for now while I'm raising you here I would just like you to be on Staten Island yeah the last thing cuz you know I don't need it's the Italian Al the Other day yeah my you know Italian Al they're yeah they all moved from Brooklyn and like they went to Long Island stand and standing they're just holding it's the Italian yeah it's what it is my stepson's got a friend and the guy looks like Rachel madow and that's a problem the

guy looks like Rachel M the kid looks like Rachel madow so I said you know what man maybe it's time we just move a little bit just move a listen I'm not going all in I'm not Going crazy I just like to be over a bridge I'd like to just be in a place where you have an American flag outside your house and it's okay and it's okay okay and and and that's all and I just we're proud to be Americans and that's all I'll say yeah now you probably tell Drew Barrymore what I said

story yeah you probably get a lot of both coming to your shows every left and right it's pretty mixed for the T fastic he's for the table t for the Table everybody loves that's not true that's absolutely not true I mean the but you don't listen you don't look at the comments do you look at the comment said something very powerful for me and take take this this this this is actually might be the definition of the kid who needss to hear this because who's you know not many people are bigger than you up there

what what he said to me and it's fundamentally Chang and it's true the posting of the content Is for us the comments and the likes and the views is for them so the likes and the views the reason why that upsets us CU that's not for us that's not for us what's for us on our side is the posting of the content that you're proud of and you leave it alone then you leave it alone the comments and the views that's for everybody else that's for your agent your PR the fans nobody that's not for

you can you imagine can you imagine if Seinfeld the show was on the internet And people could comment on it that classic and that good a show you imagine the hate comments that would be under there they'd be saying oh the set sucks and all this [ __ ] Mo a lot of the reason imagine what Kramer would be saying yeah imagine what imagine what yeah imagine what they'd be asking Kramer killing on Twitter they'd be bringing up Seinfeld's old girlfriend they'd be comment I mean and you can you imagine Seinfeld reading the comments and

then getting all Stressed out and going to write the show Larry David saying these fans saying that well you don't even know what their motivation is a lot of it is just for attention it's just to communicate with other fans it's not our business very good point it's not a neighborhood we should be in it's for them for them it's like a bathroom wall where they just put things it's just for them guys the history hyenas is brought to you by Blue Chu are you asking this question does Bluechew work well how about blue putting

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promo code hyenas and rub it all over your butts it's for them yeah such a good and for us for us is you're for the table the comment sections for them the postings for us postings for you you you do it from the safety of your own home in Staten Island and you just post and everything else is Unsafe and and then also what I did do you have social media on your phone yeah he took Instagram off and put grinder on in its place it was already on well actually I made it way to

the home page I have grinder on I do but what I actually did this is another this is um another Yanni another yanas as we call Yan Yas when he gives good advice is I took the I still have the Instagram a guy runs it but I took it off my phone cuz I was I was getting unhappy Constantly checking it and I removed it from my phone and in the place I put this app that he uh recommended called Elevate and the other one's called Inspire and it's a learning app like it's you're playing

all these fun games even my daughter my oldest daughter is nine you know she would want to go on the iPad and the phone and you let her be a part of Technology whatever playing Roblox whatever but now she plays these games with me this Elevate and Inspire Because they have like one game like the rocket you know like that rocket one where it's like you have to like match different words but you're learning it's like all like Advanced levels and it's playing these games and I find myself if I'm G to be on the

phone and sucked into an app for an hour it's this learning app and you're coming out learning all this stuff and social media is still a part of our life as it has to be but I don't I send the content to a guy and he Posts it that's so smart so because I'm like remove you know remove yourself because it just decreases your happiness absolutely social media is it can't I mean obviously all of us have done well off it but it's social Med it's a cancer that if of your of your happiness that's

what it is yeah what's your view on it because you got big on social media but also you get a lot of trolls on social media I'm sure uh yeah overall I think it does way more bad than it does good Like you obviously can capitalize on the reach of it which is awesome you did you can be the funniest person in the world but if nobody ever sees your stuff how would anybody know that so obviously the reach is incredibly important and world changing yeah I find it's I find it's way more negative than

is positive I you you can't be on social media more than 10 minutes and not get upset at something whether it's directed to you or not or somebody else saying something You disagree with you're it's it's negative almost immediately try the app try try this Elevate and Inspire app or whatever app try I don't play any games on my phone try to just replace the app I am try try to just replace the app try to just replace the what is this symbol by the way Illuminati yeah look Giannis has got the chain on same

thing there it is right there I'm in it now they're going to think we're both in the Illuminati it's just uh you never seen Like the the the wireless chargers oh that's what it is you set it on yeah and then the charger connects to the back of the phone what app do you play what do you play on when you go on your phone other than social media what do you use nothing just social media if I'm not on social media I I'm not really on my phone or texting well can you put a

time limit on for social media can you do 5 minutes a day is it possible you can set it and then but here's the thing it Comes up it says do you want to ignore ignore for 15 minutes or ignore all day and you almost always press ignore all day damn it I know it's how are we going to get the kid off it I don't want to lose matth it's also difficult because it is so much part of our career like we have to be social media marketers not just comedians anymore so like and

there's so many things that play into that interactiveness is one of them like communicating back and forth with fans Um upping the um the activity on the uh on on each post liking people's comments commenting back and forth with them creating but do you have to be the guy that does that can't you just have like a you just have unic yeah get get a unic i i i Pro I probably should but it's one of those things that I I don't know if it'll be done the right way can you trust somebody to do

it exactly the way you would do it yeah but but see that's what the social media sites do is they Want to keep you on there for as long as possible so they make that part of the algorithm that you got brain gambling oh absolutely thect and it's and it's impossibly inconsistent as well you can think you have a Down a science Tik Tok is a perfect example like we figured out the science of Tik Tok and that's obviously what changed my entire life but the app is so everchanging it's it's a horrendous business model

I've met with a couple of people phone calls or Zooms with people at Tik Tok uh the president of China what's his name xan ping hello Matt R hello so we really like what you're doing yeah I knew I'm setting myself up immediately yeah and they talked about how the um the algorithm on there is is is Ever Changing like um try's think of the the specific example they gave it was so okay for example when you know so say you have a million followers on Tik Tok right when somebody when you follow somebody on

Tik Tok you are not even 1% more likely to see their content anymore like following somebody on Tik Tok does absolutely nothing all algorithm based and it's all trend-based algorithm you know you see the dances or what people are dressing and doing a weird stupid robotic sheep like thing just brainless and they push out a new one almost every week which I also have a fun conspiracy about that I think that's AI I bet you Okay you know what like 10 within like 10 15 20 years ago somebody comes up with a dance right let's

call it the dugee right everybody knows who made that who made that dance everybody knows that person's world famous that group is world famous for a year at least right there's a new dance or a new trend on Tik Tok every single week nobody knows who starts them right that's a bit strange weird somebody's behind that so is the key then for Tik Tok not the Follows is to get on the Fabu page yeah absolutely that's entirely it and standup is no longer a push thing on there they straight up told me they're like oh

we don't push stand up like at all on our platform so what we oh so they're done with that what's the new thing then what are they pushing now whatever the the new week I think the new hot content is uh Palestinian Israeli war footage seriously there's footage I if I saw Palestinian Israeli War footage walking down the street I'd ask for an autograph so what so what I think that's the new [ __ ] so that's the thing to do so what you do is you throw up so what I'll do is you throw

up you got to go there and fight in the no you so here's what you do then you put up the Israeli the Israeli no put up the Palestinian Israeli war footage put that on and then at the end you roll your dates down then you roll your dates down come see me in Phoenix Miami bang it's just the audio over like the Roblox that's what it is that's what it is that's what you got to do dude that's what it is and then and then yeah but but let me ask you this if social

media went away tomorrow would you care I'd be so happy right if it went away for everybody I'd be so happy isn't that insane we all feel the same way and we you had a huge career off it but we all feel like if you took it away all of our careers is due to social Media for the most part yeah I mean I didn't get anything from my Fusion show the difference my AOL Sports show that did nothing I threw a wig on and I [ __ ] went viral that's the only thing that's

happened yeah no it's fantastic for exactly that like any anything can pop off and help you I think the difference is is we actually do something live and people have succeeded in our field for decades centuries before us doing this So there's still an Avenue for us to be successful without it right I think it was just it goes back to being a little bit harder but more organic and healthier sure right I think it's so unhealthy I'm worried I'm worried about your generation and I'm glad you're on the show so I could say this

because social media you guys grew up with it you don't know anything different I got the tail end of it I didn't get social media TOS About 14 15 I want to say how old how old are you now 29 yummy so you cut the so isn't that crazy I'm almost too old for you that's crazy I know almost key word almost yeah it's the adren chrom I'll look this way for a while so you're like an older Zoomer then I think yeah yeah yeah yeah because so a little bit younger than him is is

really who you're mostly worried about yeah well him and an under because but the younger group They did vote skew more Republicans so that's POS they did they really yeah they did younger guys kids in the early 20s they came out hard for Trump really of all Races and religions yeah they just came out big for Donny T yeah the Young the young kids now how Wild is we're about to tell you I have a nephew well cousin he's like 17 he's like oh in my brain cuz his algorithm he's like the Republicans are the

good guys and the Democrats are the bad guys I was like oh When I was raised it was the exact opposite well I think it what was when like the Civil War and stuff was happening wasn't it Democrats that were like rep Republican Republicans were the good guys and then the parties flipped somewhere along the way okay they flipped really in what the we did an episode on the 50s and 60s when it they flipped FD R FDR was really the final flip Franklin delanor Roosevelt with the he came in Teddy Roosevelt was like the

First flip he was like he founded the Progressive Party The Bull Moose Party and he wanted women's suffrage and he wanted women to vote and minority rights and stuff like that Puerto Ricans Puerto Ricans were there Puerto Ricans when FD no Teddy Roosevelt the Spanish American war Teddy Roosevelt when they won it uh he wanted Puerto Rico as a Spanish as a country so I'm very thankful to Teddy Roosevelt my whole family is Puerto Rican and my whole existence is Puerto Rican shout out to T yeah and my whole career is Puerto Rican and Yannis

his whole career is Puerto Rican you've never met two white people who have capitalized more on the Puerto Rican culture than us I mean make no mistake Yanni and I we are we're the Bad bunnies of Comedy but here's the thing is we got these like you know we got these uh hunter gatherer like uh sort of agrarian brains we're not the technolog is so new our brains Aren't we not supposed to communicate with that many people and have that much information in our brains can't do it makes sense we're not evolved for it yet

so that's why I think very quickly in these last 10 years you see all these Mental Health crisis with young people that wasn't when I was a kid that didn't even the kid with the most [ __ ] up parents who you knew was the poorest there was never any like depression or suicidal ideation now like young kids It's like common place it's Common Place 14 states have fired a lawsuit against Tik Tok 14 States for mental health cost because their mental health cost have skyrocketed so much and it's all they say teddy Teddy Roosevelt

you know my Lord and Savior for bringing me Puerto Rico has one of my favorite quotes he said comparison is the thief of joy and qu that's his quote and social media is just one big comparison tool if you're not comparing yourself to others you're Comparing you to you so it's just all it is is capitalizing on comparisons so for me it's like that is that it robs inherently robs your joy and you know we're trying to just be happier with less now without social media do you think we are the least happy generation we

do I think that the I think you're the of whites right of whites yeah of whites yeah I think yeah I think the generation is living in a place that doesn't exist too much of the day and It's [ __ ] with their minds and [ __ ] with the dopamine every nature is about balance and that [ __ ] shoots your dopamine up shoots it down it's turning everyone's mind into a gambler like it's gambling well we are the product now it was for products were products but then somewhere along the line you know

Z somebody well I guess we have to edit that out but somebody but somebody should I mean Zuckerberg should just go To I mean listen if you want to [ __ ] Trump better not pardon Zuckerberg and he could he's going to Pardon Diddy and that's just what it is but he better not paron Zuckerberg I think I think day one he's going to do it yeah you know it would be it would be very funny yeah yeah I mean listen Trump was a celebrity for a long time he was hanging out with all those

guys who knows who knows who knows oh what of trump oh if Trump he good friends with EP dude did you know The conspiracy about Diddy I think I might have said this on the Pod they think that Diddy the reason why he Not Dead in jail right now or going AR getting like uh I haven't heard about him much is because the day before he got arrested he sold all his celebrity sex tapes that he has with a-listers for 50 million plus dollars to Saudi Arabia so they have possession of these tapes and they

got and they and he said if anything happens to me you release these Puppies and supposedly let the government know don't [ __ ] with me cuz I got you know what I mean I got everybody on tape you're at that level right now I want to give you a piece of advice do not have sex with anyone in anyone's house besides your own yeah do not too many cameras and honestly dude just to keep it safe just have sex with guys yeah cuz guys that I won't open my mouth I'll keep it nice and

shut yeah I mean look guys are a lot Safer in that area yeah dude it's you're going to get in trouble it's going to be girls but make no mistake man I won't say nothing Secrets safe with me cuz I got secrets too I just I've never needed a [ __ ] bad enough to go to Staten Island I know it's bad sometimes you don't even need an easy pass you just wave the American flag and they let free baby clip clip cpoy what state are you from clip Cowboy Oh oh you're from Ohio also

from Ohio he looks like an Ohio he does look like look he looks like he looks like two minutes away from [ __ ] chewing on a gun I mean he looks like a Civil War General right he's got he's got civil Warfare yeah when Kyrie left he looks like he was LeBron oh we got the quarterback who raped every masseuse in the country ah Ohio is back though oh not booy everybody's from Ohio Dave Chappelle everybody leaves except for Chappelle yeah have you had such you've gotten really you know big like Arenas levels have

you had a [ __ ] nice fat bomb like an old school bomb yet with a big your crowd a big crowd I haven't had a bomb fat boy you know what I mean like an old school [ __ ] bomb like we've all just sucked a [ __ ] on a headlining show yeah yeah or a few minutes few minutes for sure yeah yeah what oh I where Where were we the other day was it might have been Copenhagen okay I think Copenhagen or Liverpool I forget what we were talking about but I was

talking about something was it was bombing so bad for like 3 minutes and I I really thought I was it was going to turn out to something I thought I was going to find the punch for like three minutes of ranting about It and I just go anyways yeah anyways and the whole crowd you can feel the whole crowd go thank God he's moving moving on so I've had a moment of it I suppose but no that's the that's the best part about everything that's happening right now is like everybody's so down to have a

good time the best energy it's one of those things where once you start performing for your fans you know you're like you're like comy it's comfy that's why You can't test out new stuff like I was just in uh Maryland last weekend and my boy Martin amini runs uh he has his own room there called room 808 and it's all his fanan base I wasn't promoted or anything so the room fits like 60 people it's the best workout room probably in the entire country went there worked on like 25 new minutes of material and I

love that it wasn't my crowd cuz your crowd can think whatever you say is funny if if they're already on your side But going to perform for people who aren't initially there to see you it's the best judge yeah so and then we worked out of those 25 minutes I'd say like they went from all like C+ premises to A A minus jokes for the actual big shows at uh in Maryland was the [ __ ] best amazing dude yeah see I know it's like that's why like sometimes like it's good that you would doing

stand for as long as you were before you got famous cuz these guys who get famous and then Try to do standup it even if they're funny and talented it's just hard for them to work because they can never test material cuz right away they're like oh I know this [ __ ] guy we got to you got to sit and like almost incubate you know what I mean when nobody knows you for years and good if you smile like that at me one more time I'm going to come over there and kiss you because

CU you got new teeth as Yannis calls them teeth tins teeths and they Dan sod shout Out Dan sod but an sod said hair titins he said hair tins but then you gave teeth tips but I would never come to teeth tits without danad sod okay so Dan so in Aly from Dan sod slam of teeth tits when did you get your teeth tits they are gorgeous I was I was 19 you got oh wow mhm yeah yeah I bought them with every Ralphie May took me on my first ever tour with him it was

a little uh it was a t tour bus tour right he had the whole back half yeah and I stepped on The couch yes it's what it is I spent every single penny from that to get my teeth done and then I still was on a payment plan for like 6 months after they are gorgeous man do it dude out there do it I mean Dan Soder talks he got hair tits right cuz his hair was he was losing his hairy mat Lane also admits mat has yeah mat Lane's the only guy who can rival

you bodywise no his body is fantastic think better than you he's he's the hottest guy I've ever seen He's on juice he he's open he's open about it matta's open about juicing huh but you don't juice I thought he was just Italian he's so hot yeah yeah I know he's so gay Italian yeah but he's from the Midwest too he's Chicago Kid yeah he's not even he's not from New York no he's from Chicago and his his real name is like Larry right Matthew Matthew he changed it to Matteo I think he changed to Mato

it's a good name though stage before he came out or after He came out he changed a mat you mean out of the closet yeah no everyone knew I mean I don't he was in he was he was actually in his mother's womb G yeah I think he came out like guys this is my coming out party being born yeah he was like every he's so talented and so gay Opera in his in his head his mom would be like Matthew and in his head he would go m m that just I yeah like much

like gays they're like my name's wrong and he fixed it just like when he comes into a Room and he goes this is all wrong he went my name's wrong I've said it before I've said it before and I've say I'll say it again in this business we have many many talented friends all Talent whatever very interesting people just from multiple levels of talent matte oane is my most talented friend that man can do anything you want him to do sing dance act cook mus muscles whatever whatever you want literally my daughter he came over

once and he I've NE he was Holding my daughter she was nine she was four or five at the time he was holding her with his left arm just bulging biceps then he was making uh carbonara the best pasta carbonara I've ever had in my life he put the wooden spoon down and then was drawing her a picture of Ursula that I later jerked off to drawing her a picture of Ursula for her beautiful free hand just doing it while singing opera at the top of his lungs and there's multiple times still to this Day

my daughter would be like you need to be more like Mato that's the key to I mean he's a Disney princess he's the most talented man I've ever met in my life he's got the most Talent of anyone like pure talent like like diverse versatile Talent of anyone he's a huge star now but I was like I can't even believe it took as long as it took for him CU When I saw him at an open mic once and I was like okay this kid right everyone obviously this is the one but You see how

the universe is balanced all that talent but then God made him gay right got to be B get can't get into heaven that way unfortunately can't get into heaven according to you guys yeah it's your your thing they did talk about that right before they dunk me over they said and can't be G yeah but so so when you got we never finished that story you got baptized how did it feel coming out of the water out of the Smith Town water you know yeah it Just feels wet you just feel like you got dunked

under you get water in your nose every single time I would imagine I I I I inhaled at least a a quart I would imagine you don't you don't I didn't feel like spiritually reawakened but you do feel you feel good you feel like you took a was it a priest who did it or yeah did in somebody's backyard yes yeah they have uh a very nice house as most priests do and I went to their I went to their service that day and they do like They do baptisms at the church but it's like

big group ones and I just didn't really want to I didn't want to take be like taking selfies with people in a dress um yeah you would that that'd be like Yiannis yeah yeah it's a merch line more reca yeah yeah so you didn't grow up religious at all no no the only time I went to church is a kid was like you stayed over at a friend's house who was going to church on Sunday and they're like well you stay over you have to go To church in the morning like yeah well be prepared

to get a message from my mother cuz she's she she's got you on the ropes right now she because she want because I told as I told Giannis my mother's very Catholic very religious Giannis has been embracing Christianity a little bit more my mom she's got him on the ropes and now she's going to listen to this episode she thinks she's got you on the ropes and she's going to try to get the both of you in to try to Get her to go in a Catholic church every Sunday on is I know it's not

about us that I know so there's got to be something right the ego is the enemy of everything everyone who does like mushrooms or DMT or whatever they always talk about the death of the ego and I've had that experience I haven't done any drugs but I've had those moments where I've been you have done clopin I have done clonis yeah I've had those moments where I've been like oh it's not about Me I'm thinking too much about myself right oh yeah none of it really matters nothing's nothing's about us it's about like uh it's

about love I would love to find out it's it's a God that we've like completely forgotten about that'd be kind of cool if you go back to like Greek mythology or something there was like there's hundreds of gods could be Zeus there's this book sapiens that it's a beautiful book about Evolution and they Say in the book sapiens that when we were hunter gatherers foragers we were more agile we had more dexterity we were like than the than the most advanced athlete of right now hunter gatherers and foragers were in much better shape could do

more things could bend their ways and contort their bodies in ways that we never could the injuries like slip discs and neck problems and all that that only comes when we start to farm when we start to about 5,000 years Ago when we started to like grow and cultivate wheat and focus on farmland and not hunting gathering this is when all the injuries and problems start to happen but they said also back then is our brains were bigger then than they are now and the only reason the only difference between us and animals is our

brains are just bigger and they they it's it's a bigger portion of our body mass so it so it's more energy our brain takes out more energy so it has more Computing power so that's why we're able to be where we are that's really like the main difference but they also said that back cuz you're talking about like forgetting about gods they said that all that happened was is Generation after generation began to farm and then we forgot those Generations after you go three four generations of doing something one way that generation can't possibly remember

what their great great great great great great great Grandfather was doing so it just happened so that so it's very possible with gods that we just forgot that there was a Jesus before Jesus or Muhammad before Muhammad because Generations just stop talking about it and then you just pick up the new one this blowing my mind right now there it is get off social media but I said I don't you read that on social media though no I read that on Elevate and Inspire I read that Cass sapians they got what if you're not are

You a reader do you like to read no so get this not a huge reader get this get this app Elevate because what they do is they give cute little summaries and cliffnotes of books and then you kind of feel like you know something but you really don't know nothing yeah enough to talk about it on a podcast headlines Chrissy headlines I just I'm a headline kid I'm a headline [ __ ] he gets half the story I get half the story Giannis comes in and gets the full story Is is Ohio Columbus is nice

Columbus is doing well it's a city yeah their economy is doing well Cleveland's in trouble what's funny M about theyve been in trouble the river was on fire dude yeah the river on fire it was the first uh major city to uh default on its debts in the 70s um yeah it's a real [ __ ] Wasteland this is an incredibly informative podcast what's what's great about Columbus Ohio and these are chat GPT SL notes what's funny about Columbus Ohio is make no mistake white people just came in there and killed all the Native Americans

and then just name the city Columbus yeah they just named it after a big time white that's just what it is that's just a truth Bader Ginsburg right there truth Bader Ginsburg and it's what it is there was a lot of Native Americans there and then it ended up being named Columbus that's kind of just that's kind of like pissing on the Grave yeah yeah it's a little too much yeah it's what it is it's kind of like you know if they just changed the entire state of Wisconsin to Trump yeah Trump just came in

and flipped it he said well now it's called Trump do you do you think he'll get a statue Trump you think Trump will get a statue I don't who got the last statue Dwayne Wade and it's horrible terrible looks like Thanos got the last like presidential statue that's a good question like NA national hero Statue in America it's a great question dude they haven't made a statue in a while they haven't made a statue in a while I'm trying to think who that's actually a really good question maybe Reagan National Airport has extension was it

Reagan Reagan um I could see Donnie getting one yeah I could see Donnie getting one where would they put it you think what state I think Donald Trump would put it in his own house so he can look at it I would say Put it yeah he' put it in his own bathroom and just stare at definitely New York Florida um like the Trump Hotel or something in the yeah I think so he definitely already has statues of himself up somewhere yeah kid loves I think Donny T I don't think Donnie T wants War he's

been cheating on his wife with himself forever loves himself yeah he kisses the mirror came out and kissed that mirror no he did not oh yeah he does video of him kissing mirror think Before he does any speech he might come out and just kiss that mirror have you ever blown a kiss yeah have you ever blown a kiss to yourself in the mirror no maybe I should yeah do it yeah yeah you have yeah yeah yeah you got to do it before you go on stage and like you just you just calm it down

positive energy positive energy you're the [ __ ] best yeah I think I would just see an eye booger the show has to be canel we were we you know cuz we know are you're here To promote your book and we were going to have you sign but me and jiannis came in all the pages they give you a book they sent us the book and we we just saw the cover of you that and we just said well I guess this is just por Hub yeah yeah not enough smut as they would let me

put in there what's the book the book what what's the's the name of it uh it's called your mom's going to love me and I think she will she will no she will I'm telling you dude she's going to try to Convert you and she will get you I might convert your mom seriously convert how old is she my mom is uh 63 but she's in she's in decent shape hey you want to go into it nicest woman met she has red hair um she's single get her ex-boyfriend died of polio her ex-boyfriend died of

polio she isn't she's in relationship with Jesus himself yeah that's what I would say she's in relationship with Christ all right and Donald Trump well no oh Actually here's the thing is no what I was told is that she voted Republican down the line except for the president she left that one blank but what she doesn't know is I came around the corner and Tri it but then I came like this woo and I yeah yeah what's her name Lynn Lynn Linda Stephano yes which is that's another ball ass uh baller ass [ __ ]

about my mom is my mom and dad got divorced when I was one and my mom never Changed her last name because she was like I don't want you to feel like we have different last names so she kept the last name of a man she divorced no way for me so that's a great mom right there that's pretty Petty it is yeah yeah I just found out that you can't get divorced unless both people sign the papers so you could just stay divor you could just stay married to somebody who doesn't you have you

have to get them to sign and that's why some people are just Separated for 30 years cuz one or the other will not sign the papers that's insane especially if there's no financial gain like if the husband or wife if they have a prenup or whatever and you're not going to get anyy a lot of people just sign the paper so they can get the money from whatever spouse has more money a lot of something I didn't know that people should know before they get married is the state that you get married in matters some

States are have no fault uh divorces which means like let's say I'm your wife right or your wife um I want want to leave anybody out I don't want to make you feel if you had to choose yeah if I had to choose I'm the wife I'm going with the money the money and then I'm marrying you in Connecticut and then I'm going to cheat on you and I'm going to take half your money so what Connecticut no fault connetic I could cheat on you I could Cheat on you with your brother I could do

anything we get divorced no fault you give me half it's the most brutal thing so you don't need a prenup or anything in Connecticut I think you could do a prup I think you could do a prenup and get out of it but if you have no prenup I don't know don't quote me on that but what is New York New York uh you have to it's different I don't know I don't know specifically it's not as bad as Connecticut I know I know Connecticut I Know a guy who this has happened to and he

explained it to me about the connectic he was sleeping in the back of your house yeah Connecticut is bad dude no this dude is a rich rich guy and uh she his wife cheated on him and now he's just paying he's got he's paying her for a while they were like living in the house that he bought I mean it's just the story is brutal oh he even got texts of her going like uh if we wait a little longer he's going to get this uh big Promotion job will'll get more money he got those

none of that matters it's straight you get half kid got [ __ ] married I'm married yeah I I also track my sleep this an Ora ring are you in a relation so if I want to cheat on my wife I just charge my ring just kidding that's a joke that's a joke that's a joke joke but we will keep it in it's a joke yeah are you s relationship what is it do we not talk about it I'm super single Super Single there you go dude I would like to get married for sure so

you would get married yeah I want kids I want to be married for sure you would be a good dad I feel like not now but someday maybe like 5 years from now something like that so 30 34 34 35 would be great this kid had his first kid at like 45 listen yeah because listen this is what people don't consider people live longer now mhm live longer I mean I love my wife I do love my wife uh she's the most Important thing to me but if I had to live with her from since

I was 20 something it's like you know it's a little long so people live to like 80 plus now so it's like if you get married now in your what 30s just be prepared that's a long haul so you think getting married and having kids in the 40s I say 40s here's I we have we have very little advantages as men especially today use the ones you got here's one thing I know which is we can have men until we're 80 So hold it over her [ __ ] head every day yeah yeah me Ari

shafir got his [ __ ] [ __ ] clipped who does that what he he got a vasectomy yeah my wife if she asked me to get a vasectomy I'd be like you [ __ ] kidding me dude I want to hold this over your head every day if you [ __ ] run your mouth I'll go start another family it's what it is I'll start another family at 75 yeah here's yeah with a 30-year-old and it's all [ __ ] good yeah here's one thing I Know here's one thing I know when this episode

comes out Giannis is going to get a talking to from his wife I'm going to get a talking to yes she's going to sit down she's going to have a word with him yeah this is all BL funny and I hope that somebody films it and we'll throw that at patreon.com hyenas of giannis's wife giving him a talk I'm G to get a talking to that was bad we may have to was we may have to cackle that whole thing Jesus Christ so a big thing we Like to do at what we do I'm just

saying Live Matt live rif life for as long as you can I'm I'm going to I also feel like I already missed the opportunity to be like a young parent right like your 40s are free they're out of house by like 40 45 I had my first kid at 30 I'm I'm 40 I'm going to I'm still a young parent my kids are nine and three no no young parent like 18 like 24 24 25 consider white trash yeah Ohio yes Ohio in Ohio but then you get like all of Your 40s completely free like

there's a strategy to that I'm about to be 30 so I've missed the young portion but I still have like a solid 10 years of like feeling really good I think so it's like why not enjoy that and then I then I can settle down cuz you haven't made a bad decision trut trut sample the table a little bit I'm definitely not sampling any tables no the tables cannot be trusted yeah where we go because madd's got to go we Got to promote his book he just did it yeah and I said that we came

in it yeah we did come in it yeah we are auctioning off that copy we glued in his book but it's glued in it your mom will love you it's about your life what's it about uh yeah it's it's it's a bit of a memoir it's kind of like being on a little bit of a first date and a comedy show you know you're [ __ ] successful when you write a memoir at 20 9 years old yeah you know I I I get asked about that and The point being it's like yeah you don't

write a memoir till you're like 70 80 years old but like so much has happened that think give a lot of context as to who I am where I come from and like what's going on with me right now that would kind of do a Injustice to summarize it in two chapters 50 years are there any pictures in there for Chrissy to enjoy no but I'll send you one thank you baby yeah well we have I'll send you one you can turn into a Bookmark we shared the same feature act for years Don deeta shout

out Don deeta shout out Don Dona for Donnie tsunami I feature for the table every time I go to La I still sleep in that kid's house I don't get a I sleep over Donnie's house and we talk about the life with Matt R we got super high and went and saw Greta Van Fleet at the the Greek Theater incredible she's the best is that a got is that a a group of guys oh [ __ ] I didn't know best she sounds hot um and You had John Campanelli open for you for a little

yeah you know Camp he open bre I love that guy he's a great guy and he had nothing but great things to say about you I love him man he such a good Jesse do you have uh the printouts of the stuff so what we do is I we know you got to go in a few minutes is what we do is at the end of every episode I patreon.com we encourage our our fans to make funny names like they you know when they sign up you know you get content You get you know bonus

uh footage uh bonus episodes and all that but then they make these names that are funny and then the ones that Giannis will say uh we we have a a list of the funniest ones and then at the end we pick basically the winner we call it the pseudo penis of the week cuz his cuz hyenas have pseudo penises hyenas really they give birth out of their penis yeah so we pick the pseudo penis of the week and we'll just do a few cuz we know you got to go But we like you you can

get involved and tell us some of these names are there you vote with me we'll figure out we'll both figure out which ones are funny simple enough so we're going to start off with this list again a patreon.com hyena is the only way to sign up get your name read and uh it's a beautiful thing and hopefully uh you know you guys hear your name read and and it gets a laugh at Yanni okay let's start off starting off with a banger we got Pocahontas was a wh Wayan start off strong is that on the

list Drexler Drex okay so what Drexler means is Drexler means it's close to being on the list how many get on the list as many as as many as are good okay but what Drexler means is Clyde Drexler played in the era of Michael Jordan so almost good enough almost good enough he would have been great had Jordan not been there this is a name this would have been great but not for this list And a chicken a chicken finger is a good simple one yeah but it's not on the list okay okay then we

got Colonial Tom eats glue for a good cause what do you think mat nah it's not my favorite it's not my favorite not my favorite we're going to let we're going to let Maddie lead this okay we're going to let Dre you give him a Drex or no not even a Drex no not even a Drex wow okay Dy got straight to the back cuz I'm a frig wait what read it again he wanted To say you know slur but he just he he sometimes you say this guy was skating he was skating around he

was skating the he was on the ice so we say the kids on the ice he was just skating around he didn't say that word but he came close he said frak it and straight to the back means I'm here for the content just coming to like you know the old video stories used to have the porn in the back yes so they're going straight to the back I'm just here for the content I Don't I don't want to give a name there's so many different Avenues of terminology with you to keep up but that's

but that's what these fans the real fans they know they make they make these names it's whole thing we got Josh POI straight to the back regular name Daniel 99 Nathan Graham then we got mermaids and me LLC screwed screw screwed in so screwed in means the kid is he's a screwed in he's smart he's got his yam screwed on tight to his head He's thinking big business he's just not even thinking of a funny name he's writing his business out here so our fans here mermaids and me LLC he's screwed in tight his yam

then we got Mitchie the crowd yeah which is just a German kid is then we got Jennifer then we got Doza the fat fat fascist the fat fat fascist yeah uh whatever Matt R likes I like it I that Drexler not on the list though not on the list Okay I haven't had a definitive on the list we're going get one how many how many are we are we reading through first P go no I just want to know how many I should make how many I'm going to have to choose from I don't want

none to be I mean literally typically on episode we'll read off 200 of them but we're not going to do that with you you got to go we'll read one page and then we'll see all all right then we got uh Dan Central Jersey is real allies Brett Porter Ryan Molton Steve n Daniel L James meta then we got North Korean Barber Shop talk six Millie my willly that's on the list for me that's a lot of work the longest name okay Costa Dylan P Christen Holmes then we got Tony's floating island of $3 bills

$3 bills is a ter that for gay kids's father used to older generation gay as gay as a $3 bill that's very funny so that might be a list for me okay so there we go we got two on the List Eric lron Robert Miranda then we got a fat Simone kid with a piece that's on OIC he's just describing who is he's fatty Simone he's got a big dick and he's aepic epic I like it you like it Matt put that that's a good list Heather George Smith Adam then we got Donnie JuJu train

AKA Donnie screw screw train victim of a bad read I apologize still good though good screw TR the Donnie JuJu train AKA Donnie screw screw Trade a Drexler for me Drex for uh then we got Thelonius floro that's just a funny regular name yeah then we got Nick the Greek squeak freak Yaya officially lost her Marbles and Chrissy D tucks it back I mean the last one's on the list for sure for sure the end of it got him on the list yeah Parker deers Bjorn then we got spon Gardens Super Fan that's hilarious spon

Gardens is a famous Pizzeria in Brooklyn so he just he's shouting out of screwed in screwed in Anthony Harris Donnie Justin M horse package uh Kell dubs then we got I'm like Yanni on clones going after your mommy's punis on the list right put them on the list I'd have to add Contender there you got Contender then we got loaded brot um that's funny uh Alex conry then we got fan Bill alarin okay um then we got got a character stuck in my piece um wait that yeah give figure yeah yeah um then we Got

uh Benjamin nutting on you that's that's a good one I like that like Benjamin Yahoo but nothing on you contend might I mean we have to Circle that one because he's limited on time let's just go we know the two contenders okay so Brandon MC OAC William James Ean then we got Christian Cassidy twin fumes and identical Naturals um okay bum bum man Brandon then we got Jack canavos Thomas Moore Crimson Glory father $3 Bill Clinton whoa Yuri Manor that's good but father $3 Bill Clinton but I think I'm going to name I'm going to

name the list ones just to name it we got North Korean barber shop talk six Milly my willly Tony's floating islands of $3 bills a fat Simone kid with the piece that's on OIC uh Chrissy D tucks it back then we got I'm like Yanni on Clown's going after your mommy's punis and then the big big one is Benjamin nutting on you oh so I'm for me and then I'll let Matt vote for me it's going to be Benjamin I'm nut on you right uh is the winner but Benjamin n on you that's a smart

one cuz you got to know Benjamin Netanyahu you got to know a lot of things creativity of that he likes that Yan but yanan's kind of a scull he's kind of a gay kid but what do you think Matt you're the guest you picked this one oh it's it's a it's such a tie between Benjamin nut on you and fat Moen fat okay what do You want to do it's up to you you're the deciding vote the deciding vote we're going to give it to you my vote doesn't even count yeah yeah but this is

fun for the fans cuz to get Matt call them the ppw that's big it's big the winner calling in it's a it's Healthcare he've been declined yeah yeah what do we got read them one more time both of them fat Samoan kid with a piece that's on OIC or Benjamin nutting on [Music] you I'm going fast Sone I feel like it's also it's also what it is it's also screwed in he's putting it all out it could be a business move could be he's letting you know I'm working on my body but also that's what

it is you it here first the rumors aren't true Matt is pro Palestine yeah what it is he went anti-israel Matt thank you for coming Kid book see on tour you can get in God willing love you mat thanks for coming Out baby this was great all right guys listen here's the truth we're going to just read off some patreon names because we disagree with Matt R's pick of the the wrong one yeah and we know you guys are probably mad at us so so we said let's just give the fans what they want and

let's do the list yeah Benjamin what is it Benjamin uh Benjamin nuton on you it's the winner it's the winner and he wrote and he didn't write nothing he Wrote nothing like come yeah I mean that is one of the most creative ones we've had yeah so we'll just pop this right in after Matt leaves all right so we got Kwan Briggs Heath Chase Templeton Austin mcfarren Jim galini then we got sucket before I tuck it Kirby Pucket put him on the list list May that's rip Daniel Roos Caroline Greening then we got an FF

coming at you in a different way shanen this is a direct like it yeah like it then we got Q-tip Steven Ali it could be the real qtip yeah Megan Holmes Nikki wears jerseys to church put her on the list yeah is that her might be a guy I think he's wearing baseball jersey to church put him on the list then we got Sir stad Michael Hemphill soy Chase Fury then we got it's been a minute the situation is now the commitment okay walked into one but but it's positive yeah it's positive it's positive so

We'll say yeah it's positive yeah not on the list I'll give him a Drexler it's postive it's positive I thought I walked into one but I walked into something positive you walked into something positive yeah Andrew Gonzalez Thomas Murphy then we got see the bug chaser uh Michael Moritz Jack leka Wesley Leonardo crw Matt Moore then we got mustard Goblin Christian Lopez chicken figure for the mustard Goblin mustard Goblin chicken fig okay we like that Lucas KO Jaden andalis um then we got Elon musky Elon musky Tusk okay okay it's a good try then we

got uh down under kisser chicken finger chicken finger then we got Don's old rump likes come Mala hairless good one good one good one Drexler good Drexler Cameron Miller Brook b46 then we got uh mayor Pete booty cheeks 2028 very good Drexler put it in the Buddha guos then we got baby gorgeous Remember baby Gorge and B gorgeous yeah chicken figure for the Nostalgia uh then we got Queen Laquifa Queen Laquifa yeah you know if it wasn't for the queer southernland right so Drexler but and also too by the way we found out cuz these

all these fans are connected Tuesdays with stories yeah they say that all the time Norman calls himself queer southernland so put this one on the list okay so we're getting on the list yeah you getting on the list Queen laquea you Were off the list now you're on the list now you're on the list uh then we got Travis French then we got border jumper with a Drexler [Laughter] Piece list wow yeah a Drexler piece is hilarious yeah Dean annabal then we got Yan's Yankee Doodle um then we got the NA means glue gun leaks

when she's for Rome um this N means yeah yeah this black kid who's yeah when he's with a hot chick I appreciate it yeah jabber Jams then we got Yuri deimo uh Captain Blood farts um then we got queif Latina queif Latina so we got Queen Laquifa and then queif Latina these guys are going for the queefs because the queif won last week what it is yeah so that's what they're smart they're saying this this is the winner this screw it in screw it in but you got to try the original okay but good good

stuff Andrew Heenan Amanda Buckner Seymour buts okay yeah Nick Gonzalez Randy then we got the fur's Fumes trapped inside a tiny bottle Drexler uh twit Skies then we got Danny sucked one dick now I'm a Democrat demo put him on the list okay yeah funny funny Factor then we got Greg then we got how'd you get the beans above the Franks Drexler then we got hey would you blow me hey would you blow me funny Anthony X Jack delin Lindy then we got Ian Burns went on pan I think I made a oh no to

Carlo put him on the list W on the list List heavy and and there's no clear Contender which is interesting no Contender yet Genie Doug Frankie Mike Chad Gua then we got Kevin Paul fahe then we got Father Bill spilling glue on my nice tile floors okay I a Dre for that uh My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] put him on the list on the list yeah it's a possible Contender Anthony Morrison Alan karza Robert Van dier then we got 68 squeak 68 squeak okay Interesting big squeak Bianca Chima she sounds like a

piece Graham Cassidy Jen Kowski Warner Thompson GP then we got roses straight to the back Parks we had that had that one had that three years we've had that in the first round it's a great one it's a great one but we've had that one cuz it's so good I remember it so what do you do in that situation I say we just we we acknowledge that it's from the first Reich but we just move on you're from the first Reich yeah Unfortunately Brian and Costa then we got it's Yan P watching Chrissy take D

Yas Drax a good one Mary O'Neal Diego Jizzy uh Locas meu David McMahon Dylan Bard Jason then we got the more Coke I consume the more I support Israel parenthesis I'm gay Drexler okay he should have just left the more coke I consume the more I support Israel yeah Martin Lewis I 5th uh then we got my painters glue gun fills me with Swiss Coffee okay okay okay okay uh dad then we got Mark suckerberg okay okay okay then we got Joey B who else Nate Camaro beIN visuals Adam Kyle Cartier hilly be Zack Drees

then got Father Bill checked my oil so okay hold on Father Bill checked my oil so I banged his daughter on us soil Drexler Philip Garrett then we got this FF wants to put my Franks and Beans in A's latinxs okay okay Eugene bledo then we Got Chrissy's no no Home Zone okay then we got let me see that PhD make no mistake PhD stands for pretty huge dick okay put him on the list right yeah could be a girl it could be a girl yeah could be a girl then we got Dane zook then

we got a hot Mesopotamia uh JP Fernandez Greg raar William Johnson Christopher darlac Dylan W then we got the ghost of Patrick sey Oh that's nice that's real uh yeah that's funny a Drexler for that chicken finger Amanda Pearl then we got half a Jamaican called Leroy with a mean toy a Drexler okay Liam Harrington then we got the Oregon cucks like the ducks the ducks Justin lennin Chris Monroe then we got Robbie hyena blood easy like a fumes Day morning good one that's a that's on the that's on the border of a Drexler in

the list what do You think Robby hyena blood easy like a fumes Day morning I think it's original I would put him on put him on the list Joseph Cy Ryan Gareth Jake amarino Brett true track then we got bowling night podcast screwed in screwed in fum Marlin Brando have we had that no that's a good one put him on the list okay F Marlin Brandon yeah that's a good one and then we got father Bill's [ __ ] shot turned Chrissy straight okay uh then we got horse monkey from Kentucky um chicken Finger Pat

Holly Martin Daniel hon heater deler then we got I eat booty cream cheese Yas Queen leader Queen ladder 14 okay sorry bad read yeah Walt it's a mouthful Nikki in the fog I'll take you both physically okay Patty fly balls in Yanni's FF mouth um Drexler James Ralph Sanchez then we got split and tootes like firewood czy Christian devau then we got Billy K when full-blown gay uh then we got Yanni suck the balls like cziki sauce overflowing In the gyro these are all dxers Lindsay Patrick Martin we'll do one more page yeah and then

we got hummus tunnels not bad not bad put them on the list okay not bad tunnel those are in yeah those are hamas's tunnel yeah Hamas say Hamas T you put hamus yeah Tommy Cho uh Noah plumridge GM then we got Emily dhower father Smith Casey Lowry then we got fuzzy Wuzzy was a muzy uh Donnie Lano Then we got wife calls me cutie with a gluey it's PL and simp oh PL and simp remember PL and S PL and simp Antoine Bergen then we got Chrissy freeze AKA Kath lazy um then we got Mom's

awap Dad suziki I shoot feda ravioli out of my PP Drexler okay then we got Skyler cudney uh pocket full of $3 bills Anthony Gallow hope you read my name before I get deported Rodriguez put him on the list that's Contender that's a contender that's a Contender okay then we got Dick Fingers um chicken finger yeah uh Matt Shannon Ben Simon then we got Zack attack spray those white ropes on my back okay Drexler half white half Franks and Beans full toot big pastrami then we got vagina penis boobs uh Drex these are 40 40

50y old kids right names like then we got Kyle Wilson jams then we got call me Timmy tuck it back cuz the boys are B back yeah Addie then we got uh Pete Buddha plug Pete Buddha plug yeah funny funny Drexler Emma Richard then we got yep I'm gay um chicken finger then we got cuz my family hasn't seen me this happy in four years Noo-noo kojo Katie Blinder Melinda Mike Andrew Reagan soft serve Marathon um aim for the belly but doesn't go past the bush then we got treyler Trey forelli laser beam Harris Lord

goon 69420 then we got stall the wall the beef meximelts is back Donny T works for Me okay Patrick Brendan swike Jason uh Adam CIO Jason Litman John defile and then last but not least we got Father Bill scratched my Leroy now I go by Big Mike okay uh Drexler all right all right we got we got we got some I think I know who it is all right here we go but I'll just read the name so um okay so we got we will start with uh we got hummus tunnels hummus tunnels a contender

okay hope you read my name before I get deported Rodriguez Contender this is the Contender page then we got Robbie hyena blood easy like a fumes Day morning Drexler Drexler yeah then we got uh let me let me chat let me see that PhD make no mistake PhD stands for pretty huge diick Drexler Drexler then we got Queen Laquifa Drexler border jumper with a Drexler piece Contender okay yeah okay okay we got that Contender hold on then we got Danny sucked one dick now I'm a Democrat Deo it's funny it's Drexler unfortunately yeah we got

three Contenders Ian burns when I'm P I think I made a Oho De Carlo Drexler funny we got My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] Contender Contender okay we got four contenders now Contender okay so here we go that's the contender page then we got suck it before I tuck it Kirby Pucket Contender wow yeah we got five contenders this is this is not a clear winner here guys then we got Nikki wears Nikki wears um Nikki wears what is it uh Nikki wears jerseys to church that's a chicken fing chicken finger okay so

here are the contenders suck it before I tuck it Kirby Pucket border jumper with a Drexler piece My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] hummus tunnels or hope you read my name before I get deported Rodriguez these are all great I know but you got to pick one cuz that's the thing I it started out I was like oh there's no clear Contender now you're reading all those and I'm going those are all great these Are might these might be the most contenders we've ever had yeah that's a lot of contenders that's I'll read

it one more time for you hummus tunnels hope you read my name before I get to ported Rodriguez okay hold on let's Drexler H hummus tunnels unfortunately any any other day hope you read my name before I get to Puerto Rodriguez it's still in that's still in okay suck it before I tuck it Kirby Pucket God that's still in okay um all right that's still In and then for a jumper with a Drexler piece Drexler I hate to do it Drexler I hate to so they're out yeah I hate to do it Danny sucked one

dick now I'm a Democrat Deo okay I hate to do it but that's funny hey only sucked one dick yeah he's got to be Drexler okay Ian Burns uh I'm sorry uh My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] Contender Contender still okay yeah all right so the contenders are on My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] um uh My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] hope you read my Name before I get deported deported Rodriguez and suck before I talk to Kirby pocket okay those are three good ones I need help with

these we got three guys in here so what do you guys like out of those three suck it before I tuck it Kirby Pucket hope you read my name before I get dep ported Rodriguez or My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] me sound to those two the deported one and the ass [ __ ] I'm going ass [ __ ] ass [ __ ] one ass [ __ ] I'm deported oh deported so I'm you're gonna yeah cuz I can't vote you you can vote I'm just the reader so what is that two

to one two to one well no but you make a deciding thing right we need also on this one I'll have to vote you're going to have to vote cuz I'm going to go I'm going to go deported you're going to go two two and it's you're the deciding vote [ __ ] I think suck and Kirby Pucket got short but you guys it's a vote so it's a vote and it's between hope you read my name Before I get to Porter Rodriguez and My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] yeah one of them's

funnier just cuz it's a chicken finger funny and the other one is funny and inventive and one and here's why even though I think they're both amazing the the thing is we've had a lot of deported rodrigue we've had a lot of that and My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] we've had a lot of ass [ __ ] but we haven't had this combo right of My Big Fat Greek ass P that this guy Combined multiple characters yeah he did yeah and he kind of threw it all around so I'm going to have

to go with My Big Fat Greek ass [ __ ] as the ppw ppw although hope you read my name before I get to Porto Rodriguez you got real talent if you want to make another name sure you could do even better yeah yeah so congratulations also shout out to Benjamin uh nothing on you not on Yahoo that was really the best one that was the best one I think we just up I think We just we I think we just put that one as a ppw just put okay so we're going to have two

ppws on that on go to history mat just wasn't right Matt just wasn't right at go to history hyenas ISB back.com to see your ppw up there you got the merch up there we got everything up there and uh yeah patreon.com is if you want to get involved and we got a great bonus episode up there right now