the phone didn't actually ring that I'm sure of I carelessly picked up my phone and scanned the notifications like all other normal human beings in North America I check my cell every 15 minutes for that sweet sweet dopamine Rush that comes with the notification of a new text or Snapchat message I was pretty surprised when I saw that I had a missed call from 20 minutes ago after all my phone had been sitting in front of me on the table the whole time and it usually emits an obnoxiously loud notification ping anytime anything happens the
thought that I missed my ringtone of Natalie uga's torn playing leave me alone I chose it half ironically was surprising I checked the notification assuming it was most likely spam and was surprised to see that the call came from my local area code and that it even had a real life name attached to it usually when I get a scam call telling me that interpo has me on a watch list and that they'll lock me up forever unless I pay $233 via a very shady e transfer it's from a private caller this time there was
a name Diane Vil huh it was still most likely a Spam call but I had been recently playing some modest gigs and opening for upand cominging artists with my band and I'd made sure to hand out my music business card don't judge me like candy at this point I figured it wouldn't hurt to call back with this small exciting but irrational what if thought in the back of my mind and so I did after a few rings I heard someone answer the phone hello asked the voice on the other end sounding almost concerned curious is
that an old lady hi I said weakly I'm calling because I think I have a missed call from this number from 20ish minutes ago oh is that right wow she started her voice weathered and horse yep definitely an old lady I'm so sorry I must have Mis dialed doll I forgive you I thought to myself cell phones are a lot even for me sometimes as much as I wanted to take this opportunity to ask this woman what her experience with Tik Tok was to see if the question would melt her brain I figured it was
good to end the call here ah no worries at all I hope you have a great day why thank you dear she said and before I could press that bright red icon with the Retro phone handle to sever all ties with this woman for the rest of my life she quickly squeaked in right after I was trying to reach my husband yes that's what it was he must have a similar number to you oh oh right yeah I imagined you were probably just off by a digit or two happens all the time I said still
ready to hang up immediately yes that's what it was I was trying to reach my husband but I called you instead which means I wasn't able to reach my husband that is right you wonderful sweet old lady I think therefore I am you called me therefore you didn't call your husband logic I will try him again now thank you for being so sweet and tender about this she continued again no worries at all I said hanging up right after to avoid her throwing more mind-blowing Revelations my way like if I was on the phone with
her that means I wasn't on the phone with someone else right now whoa despite my snark at the time I thought the whole exchange was actually a bit sweet that was the prevailing thought anyways when I saw her name show up on my caller ID a week later to the sweet sweet tunes of Natalie and bruglia screw you the songs a banger I decided to answer hello I said Diane took a while to respond this time she almost seemed surprised when she did wait you're you're not Martin nope I think this must be a wrong
number the Revelation approached Diane at a glacial Pace eventually it clicked for her and she answered with certainty ah you must be the same woman I called last time my your voice sounds so clear yep it's me again well my goodness you must be fuming that I accidentally reached out to you again not at all ma'am you're all good best of luck reaching your husband oh well it's not my husband this time actually it's my brother I'm trying to call gotcha well best of luck I got a run I hung up the call just as
she was mids sentenced through her response I felt rude doing it but at the same time you have to nip things like this in the bud immediately before they drag out if someone on a cold call or on the street asks you for 20 seconds of your time be Stern say no and move on it's the foot in the door technique and I had to quash it before she felt empowered to share a series of boring stories with me it wasn't until nighttime that same day that I realized it was pretty weird that she contacted
me on another misled call this time after trying to reach her brother did her husband her brother and I all have very similar phone numbers or something I pushed the thought aside and moved on and after two weeks of no mises I'd assumed that she'd moved on too it turns out that the third time was the charm actually and this time Diane's reappearance was only frustrating and nothing else I heard the tail end of my ringtone playing at what must have been 2: a.m. in the morning I got up just as my phone stopped ringing
and checked who the call had come from [ __ ] Diane again except this time it wasn't just this one missed call it was 20 she'd been trying me for over an hour and I'd just slept through all of it apparently I blocked her number and went back to bed in the morning I'd noticed that she'd also sent some voicemails out of morbid annoyed curiosity I decided to give them a listen I expected to hear a mundane series of messages about her day an incident at the bank a complaint that oranges at the supermarket cost
20 cents more than usual or her frustration that her husband and brother still weren't answering her calls instead as I listened every voicemail was the same breathing just her breathing one voicemail after another continuous running for minutes each time before cutting out to the next message occasionally it felt as if her breathing would rupture like she was just about to start crying but she never did what in the ever loving [ __ ] I wasn't sure if I should have been creeped out or if I should have felt really bad regardless I was able to
rationalize all of this again she clearly was just terrible with technology and the line leave your message after the beep meant nothing to her never mind the fact that answering machines had been a thing for a really long time before the Advent of voicemail so she really must have been living under a rock to have missed all of that I decided to run with my half-baked explanation for the purposes of buttoning all of this up in my head as quickly as possible thanks to me blocking her number the next couple of months were business as
usual all was normal in my world yes I would still get a strange sinking feeling in my stomach every time I thought about Diane's series of late night calls but overall the hustle and bustle of everyday life allowed me to put the incident behind me then on a not so special day at a not so special time my phone started ringing I instinctively went to pick it up as I was actually awaiting a call from one of my friends at that moment I almost had an aneurysm when I saw the name Diane Vil on the
caller ID my curiosity on how she'd overridden me blocking her number was quickly quashed when I realized that her number looked way way different this time it definitely wasn't from my local area code she changed numbers to reach me I answered the phone I don't know what the [ __ ] is wrong with you but stop [ __ ] calling me I'm completely alone she interrupted her interjection stumped me momentarily I'm alone she continued I heard you my husband my brother my family and friends they've all passed I have no one I'm completely isolated look
I'm sorry to hear that really but that's no excuse I just need someone to talk to please just one meaningful conversation and then you won't need to hear from me anymore God damn it okay I replied as weird as this whole ordeal was seriously calling a stranger because you're lonely under the pretense that it was just a wrong number if getting her to talk about the heartache that comes with growing old alone and losing everyone you love was enough to put her at ease then I could probably burn 10 minutes for it secretly I was
more frustrated at the potential kids grandkids or extended family that this woman may have had who'd left her all alone with no emotional or social support sometimes it feels like I've always been alone she started and yet I have memories of a time when life was full there was company laughter liveliness I can distinctly remember moments where it felt like I had almost done too much socializing where the presence of others was almost overbearing if you could believe it you don't say ah in hindsight what a strange foolish thought for me to have had she
mused her voice trailing off I decided to multitask I had a concert later in the evening and I figured I could put her on speaker phone and start getting ready I went to the bathroom placed my phone on the countertop next to the sink and started doing my makeup in front of the mirror I'm sure that Reminiscing on the past probably brings back some mixed feelings I'm sorry to hear that you feel alone nowadays no old friends or extended family around for you to talk to I asked her nope everyone I've been close to has
passed damn that really does suck I tried to approach the conversation from a new angle while applying eyeliner might be a strange question but is there any way for you to try to make some new friends you think or do you have any kids or grandkids that you could try to reach out to maybe I've tried with my kids no luck they never answer that's a shame I replied but on the topic of new friends yes absolutely I would certainly love to make some new friends that's good I said but as I spoke something felt
off I felt a chill going up my spine like something inside me some inner barrier had just been broached it's a hard feeling to describe I hope you can find some way to feel empowered I continued shaking off the weird feeling to make some new friends and to get everything you still can out of life you should never give up on making your life a fulfilling one you know even when the circumstances aren't great man I was really pulling out all of the platitudes today never never ever I've always been persistent I've never been one
to give up hope on having and maintaining a wonderful life not a chance not in a million years she responded with conviction I tried to focus on her words in the conversation but I kept getting distracted I know noticed the strangest thing in the mirror my free hand was caressing my hair slowly in a really strange way why am I doing that I returned my arm to its normal resting position and went back to dabbing on some concealer under my eyes but every time I feel hopeful I sink into sadness again it truly is the
worst thing to lose your family I'm really sorry to hear that I responded I meant it it was was a brutal accident we were all in the car it was my brother driving he'd had this brief moment of negligence he was distracted in conversation and had turned his gaze away from the road and it was at that same time that another driver in another car had a moment of recklessness it was a perfect accident almost like the opposite of serendipity two momentary lapses leading to a terrible Cosmic mistake I was caressing my cheek wait why
was I caressing my cheek yes my skin is amazing but I don't usually feel compelled to touch it like that I brought my free hand back to its resting position yet again that's [ __ ] up I'm truly sorry about that uh and just so I'm following that accident is how you lost your brother everyone my brother was driving his wife was beside him in the passenger seat and in the back of the car it was myself my husband and my sister that's I mean Jesus that's [ __ ] brutal excuse my language like I'm
genuinely so sorry I can't even imagine how it had feel to survive something like that and have to go on while losing the closest people to you you know no answer from her for a little bit just her breathing must have been emotional for her to recall all of that I could sense that we were probably going a bit too deep and at this point I was ready to wind things down I wasn't even sure if this conversation was going to do any good for her anyways and so I started thinking about ways I could
wrap up this civic duty I'd undertaken it's a void she said yeah I totally get that like we probably don't want to get into it too much but like I've lost people close to me too and it definitely feels like it's a hole in your where you end up when it all ends is a void it's not at all what people said it would be what also my involuntary movements were really starting to wig me out now it almost felt like I was suffering from a concussion or something one minute I was standing up straight
swiping on some lipstick the next I was leaning over the sink with my face nearly pressed against the mirror staring deep into my own eyes it was time to end the call I'm really sorry to hear that and I feel terrible about everything you've had to go through I really hope you can find some peace and Solace I unfortunately have to go though if that's okay you know she continued my words breezing past her when the crash happened even though I felt my skull crack and my spine snap and blood fill my mouth choking me
while the rest of me remained a mangled mess it still felt like I was alive for much longer than I should have been it hurt for a really long time and [ __ ] that I'm out I felt a movement come from within me I was pushing my hair back but I wasn't doing it but then I thought when I'd finally crossed over that I'd be connected with everyone again we would all be together but it wasn't true it's just a void it's Darkness a sea of it and it's lonely and horrifying and yet the
hopelessness is paired with a strange Vigor I really want to return back to life I went to hang up the phone why are my hands violently clasped together easy now I can feel you stay on a little while longer I'm almost there she said oh [ __ ] I'm ready to move on from this I'm ready to start a new life make new friends again walk down the street and hear the noise of cars and Casual conversations company why do I feel like I'm about to pass out why do I feel like there's something blossoming
from me I am so thrilled you called back and kept answering because I swear to you this has all happened for a reason and I'm almost there and I am almost completely inside of you and you are so beautiful and young and I can already imagine with real vividness the friends I'm going to meet and the new memories I'm going to make and just the liveliness of it all and everything even through the pain it all means something I am utterly convinced about that fact Her speech started to become more rapid more intense I could
hear it in my head I was trying to unclap my hands and hang up the call but I couldn't overpower it I spoke through clenched teeth as I felt myself blacking out get the [ __ ] away from my body I growled in an instant something deep in my gut told me that I was only a few seconds away from losing myself completely so with a strange burst of instinct I smashed my head against the bathroom mirror breaking it my hands were still clenched together forcefully it didn't feel like her spirit inside me had weakened
in the slightest so I braced myself for more what an unkind and selfish thing to do to my body she shouted but I cut her off by slamming my head against the wall I did it again and again but I could still hear her [ __ ] voice croaking over the phone I pushed through this time making sure I didn't hold back with a windup I smashed my head as hard as I could against the bathroom counter it hurt like a [ __ ] as soon as I recoiled from the impact I was AF afraid
that I'd done some irreversible damage to my skull or my brain but it didn't matter I had a sense of vigor of my own I'd rather be dead than have anyone else in my body I felt her impact on me weaken ever so slightly as her voice came through the call you're a vessel she said why can't you be grateful for that I could feel myself on the brink of losing Consciousness I wasn't sure if it was from the head trauma I'd incurred or if my spirit was about to slip away but I pushed as
hard as I could one last time I stood up and brought my head down like a hammer onto the counter where the phone lay knocking it and myself down to the ground amidst the excruciating pain and confusion I felt the sensation of freedom for a few seconds I leveraged the brief Lucidity that came with the insane amount of adrenaline in me and crawled over to the phone I tapped through the screens and notifications in an almost deranged manner just as I heard Diane about to say something else I hung up the call Jesus [ __
] Christ it's [ __ ] done I screamed in place on the bathroom floor for what must have been a minute I screamed even louder when I heard my Natalie and bruglia ringtone play to signify another incoming call caller ID Diane Vale I hung up the call immediately but it was interrupted by another call then another and another Diane was calling simultaneously from different numbers numbers over and over again each call interrupting the previous one before I even had the chance to hang up I ran to my hallway closet found my toolbox opened it secured
a hammer and ran back into the bathroom without a second's hesitation I smashed my Samsung Galaxy s23 to Pieces even after i' destroyed it I continued banging the hammer into my bathroom floor getting all of the [ __ ] and headache out of my system and then I was done I stood up slowly the mirror was broken so I could only imagine how bruised and battered my reflection looked with the adrenaline subsiding the insane amount of pain I felt over my body became ever more apparent like Diane had said it hurt for a really long
time but I was still here and it was probably time for me to go to the hospital no concert tonight probably for the best I could explain to the cops later why I was screaming while trashing my own bathroom it took me a while to feel comfortable getting a new phone I still remember the puking sensation I felt months ago when I saw her name pop up again on caller ID I blocked it which is what I did with every other number permutation she used to call me as the months continued the skin crawling sensation
every time she tried to reach me was always the same but thankfully As Time passed her calls started becoming fewer and farther between maybe she was starting to make peace with the void or alternatively she she was using that spare time to finally learn how to text from the great beyond I got my first texts from her a few weeks back you were so unbelievably selfish to string me along give me false hope and then back out at the last moment I have a silent prayer that I'm holding deep in my heart that when you
do pass you'll be in the same void I am I'll have an eternity to inflict on you what I dream about in every waking moment dying an sigh not even a talk to you later she needs to brush up on her texting etiquette at the time I laughed and thought it was stupid lady if we all end up in a void and you've already been seemingly alone in said void for what's felt like an eternity then it's probably safe to say that it's a big [ __ ] void where you won't ever find me that's
the prevailing thought I like to keep but every now and then I do sink into a bit of Despair specifically in the mornings when I wake up after a nightmare all of my nightmares nowadays seem to take on the same tone it's a regular ass dream and then out of nowhere I turn a corner and off in the distance the dream extends into a black void and standing on the edge of the Void where the darkness meets my normal dream surroundings is Diane she's looking at me with an intense stare and a subtle smile and
she's waving and for that brief moment it all feels unbelievably real and Vivid the thing I hate the most about these nightmares is how my body caves sometimes every now and then involuntarily I'll catch myself waving back I wonder if we're allowed to bring things with us into the Afterlife if so I'd like to ask my loved ones to bury me with a hammer
